Frustr8

Oh I Do I Do!

Just keep in mind- it may not longer taste as good- I had been craving Ginger Snap,cookies- yeah Not Good for me- gerryrigged a recipe to be only marginally terrible- tried one, all I could taste was something that tasted like freshly ground black pepper- none in it- Tomkitten never cared for Ginger ANYTHING so "Hello Trash Can" Goodbye pan- full of Evil & Vile Cookies!

Goody- mine runs 90/ 55 or 60, before Bariatrics I was border- line Hypertensive, now that I am smaller my Heart doesn't have to pump so hard to get the blood around ( You're Welcome 💓) I've learned to move slower in case I'm a little Dizzy, figure I could still topple over even at my oh So Lovely 180,pounds, last thing I'll hear is "There She Goes- Everybody give Her room to Land" but still,IT'S WORTH IT TO BE SMALLER, RENOVATED And closer to a healthy STATE!😝👍😝

I hope it happens and that it IS before years end; I'm chasing another SURGERY, an Reverse Shoulder and if he can maybe realign my left rotator cuff in the process? Anyhoo I am missing almost totally any shoulder slickness in my glenohumeral joint, sleep with a pillow on that side so it doesn't hurt while i sleep but almost every morning it wakes me from what passes for solid sleep.
My original goal was to last until my 74th birthday, December 26th, still within the "Deductibles Paid " window, it is one of his 2 SURGICAL days, does his Tuesday and Thursday every week. Wanted to be wheeled into the O.R .SINGING " Happy birthday to ME", and I am ornery enough to just Do THAT- but I grow more miserable each day- Do I stay on my ORIGINAL MASTER PLAN , clench my teeth and try not to flinch with Each and Every Movement, or do I PLEAD for a Thansgiving one instead? He reminded ME there would be pain, well DUH I'm already living in Pain City, figuratively limping along, remember my Bari- buds he repaired my right R.C. as a bonus when he had my shoulder open removing the stabilizing hardware from my Humerus FX 9 years ago, had to be removed because when I lost my Pre-Bari weight down I lost internal fat in that arm so it was rocking and non- stable anymore.
My Golden Rule for SURGERY is:
When you fear SURGERY less than continuing to live as You Are- I may appear to have a touch of Masochism, truly I Do Not ENJOY Suffering, I just want my hinges and connections to hurt LESS- I am relegated to the Tylenol family since I was ulcerated and nearly perforated prior to my RNY- have a few Norco secreted but Oh My Good Golly it makes me impossibly constipated, I was crying , Tomkitten said PLEASE PLEASE take one Thursday night , I can't hardly stand seeing YOU cry- my Linzess didn't contradict enough, yesterday I strained so hard I must have popped an external hemorrhoid, was passing bright red blood- heard the term "Tearing Yourself a new A**hole" must have been what they referred to- Scary and oh so Painful, bounced out to ER because IT IS SCARY- LARRY and I was fearing for ME and My Future. Better this morning, found out from my testing my left side diverticular colon isn't enchanted with me either, the bleeding finally stopped so now I don't know what my next BM is going to entail- another reason to go to ER- my PCP is 7th Day Adventist, all this happened after he left his office at Friday noon- his short in-the - office Day. Like the song from the TV show HeeHaw, IF IT WEREN'T FOR BAD LUCK I'D HAVE NO LUCK AT ALL- but today is Saturday and perhaps I'll have a more Peaceful Weekend.
Your Frustr8 a.k.a the Sorrowful Colon Person💦

truthfully now that I have gone 14 months on my Post- SURGERY career, I really had a medium- sized bone structure under my Fluffiness, who' d have thunk that?
So although to many it may seem I am bigger than the AVERAGE AMERICAN WOMAN at 5ft 8inches and 182 pounds, cause I just weighed ME. a few minutes ago with clothes on, it is a BIG change from the 55 BMI I showed up at Dr Needleman, my surgeon who could perform this magic , install a tool that facilitated with my commitment to succeed,this Wondrous Weight Loss. I now have a 29 BMI, still,"legally Overweight" but my tshirt says
ALWAYS AWESOME; NEVER NORMAL- and today. it is My Aspie Battlecry for I NEVER will be Neurotypical but I AM one wonder-Full lovely person and that makes me HAPPY😛 HAPPY😛 HAPPY😛 and I can accept ME for ME- and how are You doing TODAY?

Walking to my testings instead of having to be pushed in a Wheelchair! If my 2 artificial knees. didn't bawl and squall from how much I was pushing them, I was too Out of Breath to make it in a dignified manner.
And that is embarrassing being an Object of Pity- i was confident that I was ugly- I was disgustingly- obese, OH I wanted to hide- thought I was a festering sore on life. It took my last teeny shred of self- respect to seek out Bariatric SURGERY- and I was certain I would DIE before I COULD receive it- but thought if I DIE from it, I will at least know I Tried . And those who know my story know it took 3 + heart- breaking years to get my SURGERY done. BUT Now I am less,than 1/2 the size I started at, I now can look at my profile as well as straight- on in the mirror, doesn't take a Triple- paned one to get ME all in! And I now radiate to the World that I am a Wonderful worthwhile person to KNOW, see inside I knew I always WAS- but nobody gave ME the chance to prove it- i was 1/2 the Red- headed Stepchild in the Attic, and the other 1/2? The Fat Blob everybody avoided , to many I didn't exist. Am I being too demeaning to ME? NOPE because Honey I Lived it!
Took my last little bit of Self- Preservation to even seek Bariatric Surgery, took 3+ years, not many surgeons are willing to take on a 72 year old who had been in the Obese ranks almost from birth- call it FLUFFY, say I had Big Bones- trurh

Happy Surgiversity and Congratulations to YOU!

Well an late- breaking Update from moi- visited Speedy Gonzales my esteemed PCP earlier today. Told ME unless I am having lower pelvic pain or other such issues, he declines the Great Honor of performing a Pelvic on little old ME. Well I DID think it a good idea at the TIME, gosh folks I have hit the AGE when you can't even pay a Man to examine Down THERE, perhaps I am so OLD I am no longer interesting even to the Medical Community.
And guess what- I not only weigh less than my son the Tomkitten but I weigh 20 pounds less than Speedy does, he had to admit it TODAY- I maybe am in a Healthier State than HE is- maybe he needs to listen to His Own Advice- He's over 200, but Praise GOD I am Not, not no more and Never Ever Again! And that, all my Buddies, is One Solid Promise! ✋

VSG David, you are Looking Good and Doing Good, and I forecast Good Things for you on into the FUTURE. I guess maybe I have been living long enough (73) to be ABLE to forsee THE FUTURE as a Wise Old Broad so THAT is my prediction! Keep the Faith , my brother, looks like you are doing THINGS right.😝👍

And feeling BETTER and Doing BETTER makes YOU a Winner in my Book! Good Luck and May the📱 Loss be with YOU! 👍😝

Although I can't eat chocolate because of allergy, I just bet the Cookies and Cream Protein Shake and Greek yogurt would be a good pretend lierr- calorie cheesecake with a chocolate crumb crust, maybe not so pretty to gaze on. but would be pleasant to taste.

Never heard of anyone before that Did Not require an endoscopy, if for no other reason than to make sure your gastrointestinal tract is normal enough to withstand all the rearranging WLS entails. What if your intestines coil the wrong direction or another anomaly? Surgery is a horrid time to find out these surprises- but I guess doctors and insurances don't all require the same things- don't it just make Life Interesting for Us All?

Well I. see. Mikeey's point, it is Valid but. yes Ambivilence is also more prevalent than many on here do admit. And if it helps , you have a Soul Sister in Ohio, almost 14 months out from my RNY, finally admitted to my PCP today, that although I am grateful my body size. is now one- half my HW, I am approaching a " normal" size appearance, now weigh 20 pounds less than HIM, deep in my inner- Frustr8 at least 30% I wish I could go to my surgeon, and request to be reconnected. I MISS my pyloric valve, I miss a smooth digestion, I am SO SO TIRED. of my frequent urp- up 1o Emesis, I yearn to feel a " FULL" sensation because I never really have one, I yearn for a day with no pouch, stoma or jejunem pain. Although I have been judged to have a patent/ open diameter there - I will carry to my dying day visible scarring with every endoscopy. I have just enough gastric acid prodution to ulcerate my upper small intestine but not enough to digest meat --not even highly ground or pureed stays down . It is my belief when my pouch was "stapled off" and devided, my gastric inervation was either destroyed or severely limited, my pouch drains, mostly by gravity instead of motility. But rationally I am aware I would have a 45- 50% chance of not surviving an open abdominal SURGERY, yes my Surgeon does have the skills, I chose the Chief of Bariatric. Medicine at The Ohio State University, after all. And I am LUCKY ( if you want to CALL,it that) I did not have to donate 3/4 of my natural stomach to either Medical Science or the Waste Incinerator. So everything still remained within ME, just rendered portions less or non- functional.
But the ultimate irony- except for the first 14-15 days post- SURGERY before my pouch strictures and stenosed, I have not been pain- FREE, oh Tylenol does take it down to a dull roar, but like the rotten stepchild you receive in a Second marriage, yeah the very same one who tries getting in your face and stating " I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU- YOU'RE NOT MY MoM!" it just hangs around glaring if you try to make contact.
I DID really think by now the Sunlight would be warm and welcoming, the Bluebirds singing and all the Flowers blooming freely and THEY'RE NOT.
Tried to discuss my dis- ratification with my NP at the Bariatric Clinic only to be told " Quit Your Belly- aching- YOU know you are healed, there is nothing really wrong with YOU, you are just wanting to be coddled and/or pitied- it's been over a Year so you have been already " grandfathered" into health" Gee Thanks for such a " lovely" assessment- remind me to fill out that card that says how WONDERFUL you all have been to ME. If I had desired to be ignored, I wouldn't have travelled 50 miles to see YOU!
I really wish I could go back to being rejoined- if I died at least I would return to my GOD the way He Made Me- rejoined in a proper manner sans the interior scars and exterior droopy skin. And forgive me, my last breaths would be at peace .
Sorry but I didn't want you to feel an "outlier" there are OTHERS out here in Cloud Cuckoo Land, and I'm not going to Gild the Lily- there are pluses and minuses whether or not anyone admits it!
Much love, stay as strong as possible and perhaps there is still a Brighter Day for Us Both!

OMG- at the least you could be on the road to Dehydration and that's a scary Larry place to be! By the Little Wheel,that keeps squeaking until somebody pays attention. This IS NOT the time to be shy and redicent, Its YOUR Life and YOUR Future, get somebody to listen even if you have to Drag Yourself into the nearest Emergency Department, this IS NOT A GOOD STATE OF AFFAIRSM-😛😖

So. Flippin' Proud of YOU- that's making a Winner the Hard Way- may you now be on the road to Mobility AGAIN. I Know YOU can do it KishaG, and I'm cheering for Your Success here in Central Ohio!!!!⛵

And a Mini- Update on my Linzess. I think I may be one of the fortunate few- I was so,far down" Constipation Lane" that it has taken me only to Soft but still formed 💩stool, absolutely posiltutely NO DIARRHEA as of yet and it is close to a week now. I do get Belly Cramps and horrific stinky gas but NBD, don't go out That Much in the First Place.

With my luck- my cut-rate one will be in a foreign language- and the doctors at my Community Hospital are only Semi- literate in the 1st place.

And Surprise Surprise I am still Pelvic-Free- maybe I should drop,BreadCrumbs in front of the Exam Table and see if I can get a Physician to follow THE Trail?

TO misquote old Arnold, I'M BACK.
Let's see- some updating. Went to see that durned General Surgeon, remember I said I was busting her down from General to Private? Maybe I should have given her a Dishonorable Discharge! .
It will be a Full Month Thursday and it is NOT Healing by First Intention. I am now a client of our Local Hospital's Wound Care Clinic, have had it repacked 3 times, and now I have a a Mini- Wound Vac attached, this is not a happy situation, hurts, taking Tylenol when it gets too hurty, prop it up on a pillow, think it might feel like a a post- gunshot wound, really never have been shot, have had bullets fly close enough to be that I've smelled the chordite but never actually punctured. Now they do wet- to- dry dressings, because there is visible bloody drainage, the mini-vac keeps it from building up and distorting the wound again but it also means I have to wear jeans/slacks with pockets because the tubing snakes under my clothing and I carry Baby Vac in a waist level pocket. Said on the info literature "Single Use- in one week sequences- shoot I'm on my 10th or 11th day. Go there again tomorrow- OH JOY- hopeful it is starting to heal from the inside out- They Swear there are no signs of infection- so maybe my 1/2 of the affair is Okay.
Saw my ortho for my monthly yesterday- he went Mildly Ballistic- said Why didn't I come to HIM or at least call?" Because I believed the Medical ethics were " You had to dance with the fellow what brought you to the BarnDance" or to put it in less colloquial terms, you weren't allowed to request Surgical provider # 2 to rectify Surgeon#1's Screw-Up, am I wrong in that assumption?
Still approached Dr D , D for Doolittle, my orthopaedic about my Grand Plan, the "Happy Birthday" Reverse Shoulder Replacement-- said that was his plan also and he is amenable ONCE That Rotten Wound heals and I am again approaching a Healthy State. Said might even do it before Thanksgiving if. I didn't want to wait clear into December, but definitely BEFORE years end while all my deductibles are ALL Paid . And then I WILL STOP acting. like Barbie Doll and cease demanding surgery after surgery- I am truly weary of it all- instead of 2019 being "The Winter of My Discontent" it has become a Slash-Me Series and I have hung up my Masochism Booties for quite a while.
My ganglion cyst has either developed a lot of subdermal scarring or it is returning-he did it arthroscopically in August but nearly even odds it will require another cutting into, he sees me again November 18th, at which time He will reevaluate.
Who would have believed my Cataract Surgery would turn out the Most Successful? I now have 20/20 distance vision, haven't been That Way since I became Myopic at age 10. Well, I do now have to use Reading Glasses , hey NBD, I will do Just Fine with that mini- limitation!
I REALLY REALLY wish Dr D had went ahead with my Lipoma removal even if it would be only on the fringes of Orthopaedia, his politeness of sharing ME with other professionals sure BACK-fired, didn't it?
Got my Blood Labs BACK, hard to believe but my ONLY glaring deficency is Vitamin D, even with my pea-poor diet the Vitamins and Protein Shakes are carrying me through. And I still am losing, slowing down the rapid descent, maybe a couple pounds a week but I don't seem to have a raging case of malnourishment after all. PCP says the other values are on the Low end but but still approximating " NORMAL". if there is truth in Advertising my t- shirt should READ "ALWAYS AWESOME---NEVER NORMAL"
But my Peeps- I am Frustr8- 5ft8in and 180 pounds of Red- Blonde contrariness- an Orginal from the Get Go!😏😝👍

My worst Challenge for October has been misplacing this phone for close to a week- found out I accidently packed it up with my summer stuff- luckily not the 2 boxes of under- grown ones- I've had more things going wrong but I won't high- Jack this thread to tell them all. Look for my own September 2018 thread and I'll tell you THERE! But I have missed you all while not-communicating- GLAD I'm BACK!

Been there, did that repeatedly until it either worked or my stubborn stricture relented, my stoma will probably always be smaller and prone to restricure but urgently I'm told I am patent, jejunem has areas of scarring but praise GOD I am making it through and I believe you will TOO, but please keep me updated, I Sure fought that war too!

And the midst of this all- we paint our own masterpieces, we chart our own journeys, we compose our own poetry. and we re-create our own lives. AND IT BECOMES A BEAUTIFUL THING FOR EACH AND EVERYONE OF US ALL and WE FIND OURSELVES TRULY👼 BLESSED!🌈

I may never be Normal , in truth my dream goal will still be in the Overweight catagory at a 27 BMI but so what? It still beats a Super Morbid obesity BMI of 55+ and I now have a Fighting Chance to LIVE until GOD really wants ME instead of surprising Him by showing up EARLY. 😝🚩🌈

I AM JOYFULLY CREATING THE LIFEOF MY DREAMS.

And Remember Folks, even if you're not dropping pounds willy- nilly You may still be losing inches all over your BODY- now that you have been Surgically Renovated your bodies are in a State of Remodeling- And like an Old Biplane, sometimes the ride is bumpy but it will have Fun Moments. Oh I remember worrying I was too old and too broke down to have success like all the younger chicks and dudes, was jealous of their final well- edited journey reels, forgetting I was still in a rewriting level. Well I am here to testify it WORKS- stay commited , think positive, be proud of what YOU DID FOR YOU- and things will smooth out if you give it and yourselves the chance. And Auntie Frustr8 will be over here cheering for you All!