boringtessa

Stalls are the WORST.  I know they happen, but I am still disappointed.  I've been the same weight for over 2 weeks.

I have always been easily discouraged.  I will often not try something because I "know" I will fail at it, or I may do some other self-sabotaging thing.  This is a terrible way to live life, and I've only recently started working on it.

This weight loss surgery is something I know I need to do, something I even WANT to do, and I am determined to give it a shot even though I "know" (untrue) it's just another thing I will likely fail at.  I'm trying to push past my automatic hide-under-a-rock reaction.

So, keeping in mind my default self-defeating attitude, I am already struggling with this diet.  It was only YESTERDAY that the surgeon told me I needed to lose 20 lbs and that I need to keep a food log and try to eat only 1200 calories/day.  I guess I'm struggling with the IDEA of the diet.  1200 calories is crazy!  I'm HUGE, how am I going to successfully function in day-to-day life on so little sustenance?  I'm going to get low-blood-sugar migraines, I'm going to be even tireder than I already am, I'm going to be so so hungry all the time.

The thing is, I have barely even started the diet, but I am already psyching myself out, worrying before it's necessary, my brain is screaming for me to eat a huge amount of whatever I want in protest.  Am I strong enough to withstand?  I'm not so sure.  So then how am I going to be successful with the surgery??

Lots for me to think about.  I want this so badly, but I am AFRAID that I won't be successful.  Being so full of fear can really squash all the joy from life.

Today was a weighing/measuring day, and I've discovered that I've lost 10 inches in my waist since the beginning of August!  This is great news, as I carry most of my weight in my belly, which is no good.  I'm glad I am measuring because I can see results even though I'm going through a stall.

Is this it?

I have stopped losing weight and have been hovering between 215-225 lbs for 4 months.  My 1-year surgery anniversary is coming up, which means that my "honeymoon period" is coming to an end.  It's too late now for me.  I am so disappointed.  I only lost 50% of my excess weight; I had such high hopes that I could actually meet my goal.  But I guess this is it, and I am so depressed about it.  Like, what was even the point?!  I made an irreversible change, and I have to live with the consequences without getting the benefits.

I've been avoiding going back to my surgeon because I have been so sooo embarassed by my lack of progress.  What would he say?  I like him, but he doesn't spend a lot of time with patients because he is so busy, and I just haven't been prepared to get a beat-down about the lack of weight loss.  I mean, I haven't been doing everything perfectly, but I have been making much better choices and getting more exercise than before the surgery, but that wasn't enough, and now I'm doomed to be fat and unhealthy forever.

Somehow, even in spite of the pain after every meal, I can't seem to get myself to eat more slowly.  I want to eat slowly, but my brain still gets frantic whenever it's food time.  I'm afraid I might be stretching my sleeve, which could be dangerous at only 1 month since surgery.  Don't know what to do other than just go back to liquids, but I can't stay there forever!

I'm a little over 5 weeks out from surgery, and I am just so lethargic, I don't want to do anything, not even rollerskating, and that's something I love.   I've been able to get sufficient protein and I've been taking my vitamins, but I am not getting even close to enough water - it has been difficult to fit in the sipping when I need to wait 30 minutes before and after a meal and I've been eating 4 or 5 very small meals a day (or maybe 3 meals and 1-2 snacks).  It seems absolutely impossible to get enough water, but everyone else seems to do fine.  Food-wise, I'm still basically just eating cheese and lunchmeat because nothing else seems to sit right.  It's possible I'm just depressed, since my life has been about gourmet food, and now I have to eat bland, uninteresting things.  I know it'll get better, but right now I just can't life very well.

I am struggling.  I've been depressed, so I've felt totally "over it" in terms of staying on plan.  While I've mostly been eating what I should be eating (but erring most on the side of fatty foods), I'm eating way too much throughout the day, having many small meals even when I'm not hungry because I'm sitting at home bored,  I'm exhausted and dehydrated and can't get myself to sleep less than 10-12 hours let alone exercise (even roller skating, which I love).  I feel like am doing this all wrong and am paying the price with a stall.

Hello, I'm Tessa, and I'm new here.

This Saturday (June 2) is my first appointment with a surgeon.  I am very nervous - I have been waiting for this appointment for 3 months, and I am so scared that he might take a look at my paperwork and refuse to work with me.  I know that I am a qualified candidate - about 45 BMI with comorbidities - but it's still a bit of a fear due to my history of binge-eating, emotional eating, and Bipolar II disorder.  I know that WLS is not a thing to take lightly; it involves a change in lifestyle and a lot of work, but I'm ready.  I'm ready to change my life, to get some much-needed help from  WLS, to do whatever I need to in order to get healthy.  I hope the surgeon will see that.

Well, the surgeon said I am a great candidate for the surgery, so we're moving forward!

I am very excited, I was so worried that he wouldn't approve, but it took very little time for him to evaluate me.

Boy, the requirements!  Obviously there's the Nutrition appointments and a psych eval, but there's also lots of blood work and X-Rays, a Colonoscopy/Endoscopy, and the dreaded Pap Smear.  I will also need to attend a support group, twice.  It's fine, though, I am willing to jump through the hoops, I just wish that all of this wasn't so far away - 1 hour drive each way.

The other requirement is: LOSE 20 LBS.  From what I've read so far, this is quite a common requirement, but it seems really difficult, since I have been gradually and constantly gaining weight over the last year.  In fact, I GAINED 20lbs over the last 6 months, which is incredibly alarming, and was the main reason I even thought I might need the surgery.

I liked the doctor - he seems like a no-nonsense type.  The only thing is, we didn't talk about the different types of surgery yet.  I suspect he wants to see if I seriously follow his requirements before taking the time, but even so, much of the information in the packet I was sent home with talks about the LAP Band, which is a procedure I most certainly do not want.  I know he also performs the sleeve, which is the one I've chosen for myself, so I'm hoping my suspicions are correct and that we discuss surgery types next time we meet.

Anyways, YAY!  I'm on the way!

Thought I'd give an update.  I'm over half way to my goal, which is awesome, and I've lost over 12 inches in my waist!  The weight isn't coming off as quickly as I had hoped, but I am also not exercising and still not getting even close to the amount of water I should be drinking, so slow weight loss is not all that surprising.  Sometimes I'm just "over it" and try to eat huge portions like I used to, but, thankfully, I feel the restriction of my smaller stomach and can't go crazy.  In general, I'm quite good, just trying to live my life.

I now have a motivation to start exercising, though... I booked a plane ticket to Germany for the end of September, so this is a good chance to get strong, get hydrated, and reach my weight goal.

Oh, man, I was at work sitting at my desk, and suddenly found that I was crossing my legs!  I mean, not completely knee-over-knee, but it's a total Non-Scale Victory for me - I've never really been able to cross my legs!

I was dreading Thanksgiving, thinking I would be miserable not eating tons of every dish served, but it wasn't terrible at all!  I ate very little (it was a little alarming to see how little food I had on my plate), but I didn't feel like I missed out on anything.  I even ate a sliver of pie... and still lost weight.  Now that I know it's possible, I'm feeling better about Christmas - I'll just make sure there are things I can eat, I'll remember that I don't need to eat much to feel fulfilled, and I'll take it easy on myself if I mess up.

Insurance approved the surgery, so... October 3, 2018 is my day!  Can't wait!

Well, I hit my first stall - I weigh the same as I did when I weighed a week ago.  I know for a fact that I need to get more exercise, but even so... it still seems odd to me that, even though one is eating less than 600 calories/day, one could stop losing weight.  BUT I was warned about stalls and it's not a surprise and I'm not even that upset about it.

I'm still struggling with food, but I think that, even though eating too fast was part of it, I've been trying to eat foods that my sleeve can't tolerate yet - I don't think pain when eating is supposed to be normal.  It's just so weird not to be able to eat everything I want; I mean, I've never had a problem with any food in my pre-surgery life, my stomach could tolerate everything, but it's obvious now that that isn't the case any longer.  So I'm backing off, eating soft foods again, trying to be gentler with my body, introducing one new thing at a time, still working on eating more slowly.  It's just such a shame to have to throw away so much of the food I made recently.