boringtessa

36, single (and loving it!), nerdy, PC gamer, board game collector, former musician, Christian... I traveled to Germany last year, and now I've got a mean case of the Wanderlust, too (@greentealael)!

Changing HOW I eat is so hard. I mean, I knew it would be hard, but now I'm actually IN it. I should have been working on it earlier, this frantic eating. Whenever I have food in front of me, it's like I haven't eaten in days, I just frantically shovel food into my mouth. Now that I'm doing purees (and starting soft foods), the same thing is applying - I go into a frenzy when there's food around! It is taking almost everything in me to slow down. In fact, I have had two soft food meals so far in which I over-stuffed myself because I wasn't eating slowly enough. Ugh, that feeling, nauseated and uncomfortable, but also just so so "hungry". In fact, I am still feeling the effects over 24 hours later. I know that it's not real hunger, it's just an automatic reaction to having food around, but it feels so real and keeps me shoving food in my mouth even when I don't want to. I am hoping that I can improve in this area, that I can quiet my food desperation and appetite, but I know it's going to take work and willpower on my side - something I've always had trouble summoning on my behalf. I have not been doing well with hydration. My skin is dry and flaking and my mouth and eyes are dry. But it's hard to drink water because I feel nauseated and it still kinda hurts my stomach. Waiting 30 minutes before and after food is NOT working out for me - I just can't seem to get enough fluid in! I don't know what to do. Exercise is also something I'm failing at. I haven't done any form of exercise since I got back from the hospital. Like, what am I thinking? I know this is an important part of my new lifestyle, but I forget (because it wasn't a part of my previous lifestyle) or I just keep telling myself I'm healing and I'm too exhausted from not eating. Or my skating rink is closed, as if that's my only option for exercise. So many excuses. Other than these things, I do seem to be doing well. My incisions are healing nicely, I really haven't had any intolerances to anything. I'm just falling behind on things and being a bad bariatric patient. I'm working on it, I need to put more into my efforts.

I chose by BMI - my goal is the weight right at the border of "Healthy" and "Overweight". Also, 150 is a nice, round number, and it is almost exactly half of my starting (and highest) weight.

Alright, after surgery on the 3rd, I'm finally home from the hospital, safe and doing well! A little out of it, but feeling good, feeling like I've done the right thing!

Surgery is the day after tomorrow! I'm starting to second-guess myself about the surgery - I know it's pre-surgery nerves, but it's still very real. I think the thing that is bothering me the most is that I won't be able to eat like I used to. Like, it's hard for me to imagine being able to be satisfied with just 1/2 cup of food. I am a total foodie. The delight of my life has been delicious, high quality food; I believe that the human sense of taste is one of God's kindest gifts, given for our pleasure. How can I enjoy gourmet meals if I only get a tiny taste? I know this is silly, I'm just used to bigger portions and eating fast as if I haven't eaten in days... once I am able to feel full quickly (imagine, actually being able to feel full?) and when I'm forced to really slow down and savor a meal, a small portion isn't going to be so bad. But I am freaking out a little bit. I just have to tell myself it will be worth it, and it won't be as bad as I think. At this point, it's hard not to hope (and maybe even expect) that the surgery is going to show results immediately. I'm not going to walk out of the hospital a thinner person, it's going to take maybe a year to get to goal weight, or maybe I'll never even reach my goal weight. This has to be okay with me. An update about the liquid diet - this is my 4th day on full liquids, and I think I'm doing okay. I can't watch food shows/videos or anything because it's making me crazy and a little depressed, but I am not as hangry as I expected. I am a bit grumpy, no doubt, but I've been able to stave off hunger pangs with protein drinks, soup, and V8. The thing I haven't been able to prevent is migraines - I've got the family curse (it runs in my dad's side of the family). One of my biggest migraine triggers is HUNGER, so I woke up this morning with a migraine; I've been expecting this, and I'm impressed that I haven't had one yet, but it was time for it to pop up. Thankfully, my migraine medication is okay to take, which is helpful even if I can't take any effective pain killers (no blood thinners). Alright, so, tomorrow - clear liquids and bowel prep; Wednesday, surgery!!

Congrats on your recent surgery! It is true what you say about still being able to have the foods you love, that's something I should remind myself of... instead of being super sad about never having good things again, I should remind myself that I may very well be able to eat those things again, just not the huge portions I've been used to. I am also looking forward to being satisfied faster - one piece of pizza, I can't imagine!

Roller derby is so awesome - the league closest to me offered a "Skate Camp" where they taught complete beginners how to skate. I've never met such a group of kind, inclusive, supportive people, and if I lived closer (I'm an hour away), I would have joined the league. If you have a league close by, I encourage you to give it a try!!

Another October 3rd here! I can't wait! I'm slowly buying all the stuff I need - I even bought a Squatty Potty after reading on this forum about constipation and how much the SP helped. Trying to make sure I have enough protein shakes, stocking up on interesting spices to punch up bland food. I've got a food scale as well as a fancy new body scale that measures all sorts of things. I meet my surgeon again on September 11 and will find out if I go on a liver shrink diet or not and get all the last-minute instructions! I'm a little sad about the surgery because I love to bake, and I will probably have to give that up for a while (which I know will be worth it, I won't regret it), so for my birthday in a few days my mom and I are going to bake a bunch of things we've always wanted to try to make... one last fun experiment since I've been very good with my pre-op diet. Anyways, good luck everyone!

That looks like a fun gadget!

I recently bought the RENPHO Bluetooth Body Fat Scale and am enjoying it - seems to be accurate and has all those fun other body composition measurements. And it is quite affordable at less than $25 on Amazon. The only thing is that the app that goes with it isn't that great, but it isn't so bad that I regret getting the scale. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01N1UX8RW/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o07_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1

I just got the call this morning - the insurance had approved the surgery! My surgery date is October 3, 2018, which is a little sooner than I was expecting. I've been losing weight lately - so far I've lost about 30 lbs since when I started the journey. This brings with it some doubts and waverings... sometimes I think, "Do I really need the surgery?", and for a while I think I'll cancel - I mean, I've been losing weight without it, maybe I can do it myself? But I know that I need the help, I've tried losing weight many times before without being able to sustain the change. I need help, and I think that if this chance is presented to me, I should take it. I know that relying too much on the sleeve to cure my bad habits is not wise or correct, but from what I know about myself, I will be more likely to continue knowing that I have a "help-mate", an actual physical reason to help inspire me. Losing a bunch of weight very fast will help me realize that it is possible and that it is REAL. One of my biggest failings is that I will give up or not even try if I can't "visualize" what the end result would be - this has affected my previous weight loss attempts along with many other aspects of my life. Losing a bunch of weight in a short amount of time will help me get past my hesitations and help me "visualize" success. And I need to succeed, my health and well-being depend on it. Anyways, I'm very excited! I am going to seize this opportunity! I can't wait to make a fresh start!

Well, it looks like I've met all my requirements! Woooo! I see the surgeon next Thursday, and I'll be ready for him to send all the info off for insurance approval. This is very exciting! I hope that he'll set a date for my surgery at that point... I'm going to start slowly buying things I know I'm going to need after my surgery; today I ordered a "fancy" scale (which was an affordable off-brand, but which I have read is accurate) and some leggings (since my pants are already falling off me). My biggest problem is that I'll really get into something then GO ALL OUT and buy everything I need for it in one go... and then I'm broke for weeks until I build my finances back up. So I'm working on doing it slowly, just getting one or two things that I can afford within my budget for the week. I am pretty excited about this - it seems like this surgery is not only going to improve my weight, it may also force me into healthy habits that I wasn't expecting, like practicing self-control and discipline. I already feel the improvements, I'm making positive changes in my behavior. My mother is also obese and would like to have the surgery, but she is now 66 (in a youthful way, though), and I hear that some doctors won't operate on older folks. My surgeon does sometimes take older patients, depending on the patient. I hope my mom gets the help she needs, it would be good for her, a diabetic, to make such a change - I want her to be around a lot longer.

From 06-02-2018 Well, the surgeon said I am a great candidate for the surgery, so we're moving forward! I am very excited, I was so worried that he wouldn't approve, but it took very little time for him to evaluate me. Boy, the requirements! Obviously there's the Nutrition appointments and a psych eval, but there's also lots of blood work and X-Rays, a Colonoscopy/Endoscopy, and the dreaded Pap Smear. I will also need to attend a support group, twice. It's fine, though, I am willing to jump through the hoops, I just wish that all of this wasn't so far away - 1 hour drive each way. The other requirement is: LOSE 20 LBS. From what I've read so far, this is quite a common requirement, but it seems really difficult, since I have been gradually and constantly gaining weight over the last year. In fact, I GAINED 20lbs over the last 6 months, which is incredibly alarming, and was the main reason I even thought I might need the surgery. I liked the doctor - he seems like a no-nonsense type. The only thing is, we didn't talk about the different types of surgery yet. I suspect he wants to see if I seriously follow his requirements before taking the time, but even so, much of the information in the packet I was sent home with talks about the LAP Band, which is a procedure I most certainly do not want. I know he also performs the sleeve, which is the one I've chosen for myself, so I'm hoping my suspicions are correct and that we discuss surgery types next time we meet. Anyways, YAY! I'm on the way

Hello! Newbie here! I've already received the go-ahead and referral from my GP, so I'm impatiently waiting for the first meeting with my prospective surgeon (June 2nd seems very far away!), and they sent me a packet of papers to fill out; there are two questions right next to each other: "Do you binge eat?" and "Are you an emotional eater?" I am afraid that answering those two questions honestly would be cause for immediate denial. Not only that, I have Bipolar II Disorder (though I have been stable for at least 5 years thanks to the right cocktail of medications). But there is nowhere to write an explanation about any of these things. I mean, yes, I have been known to binge eat and to eat emotionally, and though I haven't been ready to make the commitment to weight loss in the past, I am certainly ready now - I am willing to do whatever it takes, including seeing a therapist or doing group therapy. Perhaps I am being silly, and no matter what I put they will meet with me and talk it out, but... I dunno. I will definitely answer honestly, but I am a bit hesitant about it. Did all you post-ops out there answer these questions honestly? If you guys have the same conditions (binge eating, emotional eating, Bipolar II), how difficult was it to "convince" your surgeon to do the surgery? And has it been successful in spite of these conditions?