Creekimp13

Also...this is gonna sound old fashioned....but if she's a creative kid....send her some puppets. You guys can do an online puppet show together, make believe play is still something 10 year old people enjoy....which is why they are so much fun:)

I am so sorry this happened to you. My mother has this thing about fat people being disgusting and my daughter and I were just discussing today that we think she has an ED. I have body dysmorphia because if her calling me fat, black and ugly most of my childhood (she also has issues with colorism) so I know exactly the struggle. This is not a question you asked but I am going to suggest that in addition to food therapy you seek out mental health therapy to help with the horrible history you have had. It is also very important to have a support group, for me that has been my kids, a close friend of mine and online support groups like this one. Now to answer your question: I was banded for over 13 years during that time I learned the difference in feeling full and satisfied. I learned how to eat slowly and chew thoroughly, I learned that I don't have to eat all of the cake right now there will be other days for cake, I lost my love of bread and soda and if I do have a craving for it I learned to have it in moderation and quit. I have the tools it is just up to me to use them. So, if I have all of this knowledge why did I need a revision? Because after I lost my band I went hog wild and tried to eat all of the things that I THOUGHT I was missing, however, I was still unconsciously eating the way I described above but was making poor food choices too often. Without the band I gained about 42 pounds BUT I maintained that same weight for 5 years. In summary, I have the knowledge, the tool and I am mentally ready to keep the weight off for good. Thank you for joining my Ted Talk.

I think it's important to talk about what we're eating. We do a lot of that. In minutia. We lable foods good and evil. We obsess about the "right" diet, calories, choices, etc....
But that's really the easy part.
The hard part is figuring out WHY we're eating. WHY we ate ourselves to morbid obesity, and what need we were trying to address when we put that food in our bodies.
I feel like if those needs aren't figured out and meaningfully delt with this whole process is really vulnerable to failure.
I feel like we never talk about why we ate so much.
I'm not saying we need pity party hour with extensive confessionals chronicallying every challenge, insecurity and poopy life event...lol.
But I feel like sharing those little eureka moments were we've identified some little unmet need that resulted in bad choices....would be a good thing.
For instance.... I used to get the KFC six million calorie dinner with the 12 pieces of chicken, 3 sides, biscuits and the chocolate chip cake....after grocery shopping. It was almost an unwritten thing. I deserved it. In some weird justification, I figured that I was shopping, carrying stuff in, putting things away, selflessly giving up time to a task I sort of despised for my family. Of course I deserved chicken!
But really, what I wanted at the core of things....was support. I wanted to feel appreciated, and rewarded for being a good doobie. I wanted to feel nurtured after a stressful task that I hated.
These days....we have a new rule at the house. The person who does the grocery shopping gets to relax and take a bath while the other person does the cooking. And you know what? It works. I feel appreciated, supported. And I eat a more balanced decent dinner and have a win. That feels good. I learned that I geninely don't like asking for help...and that I need to more often. Just writing that makes me cringe.
My bariatric therapist did a lot of talking about the "whys" of over eating, and finding ways to get the desired needs met that aren't self sabotaging.
I wish we talked about the "whys" more.

I agree - "why" is a key question. I expressed it this way in an earlier post:

Every so often I feel torn on these forums about my role and what I should say.
On the one hand, I'm a veteran now....and have had success with this whole undertaking that I feel pretty proud of. There are a lot of struggles and things that I can comment about with some hard earned observations and experiences. I can be all.....mentory...and have good mentor-ish things to say to newbies.
Sometimes I feel a responsibility to *provide a good example* and only say things that are in harmony with the bariatric sages...and play the proper acolyte to the Bariatric Authority.
But here's the part where I feel torn.
I also want to tell the truth. I want to be the kind of poster I really enjoyed reading when I was first looking into this crazy ride.
I want to be unvanished, raw and HONEST. Because I value that in people. I value that risk. I value those stories....because sometimes people really need those stories. Even if they're terrible advice and provide a terrible example! Sometimes just knowing someone else....occasionally has a horrible day and eats the entire pack of four Yasso bars....helps you to live your life and forgive yourself.
I want to say: Yes, I drink diet soda. I know it's probably unwise and I also know there's hype about it that's untrue....AND....I know a lot of you drink it, too. And some of you drink real soda.....and will probably rot in hell for it. LOLOLOL
Ya'll won't admit it....but I've seen ya. I've peeked in those windows and I know you do all sorts of awful stuff. You eat peanut M&Ms and drink soda and beer and buy the occasional McDonald's kid's meal and can of Pringles. At Christmas, you cheat. You eat stuff you shouldn't. You ate Halloween candy. Ok, it was just a couple of pieces...but it made you happy.
We're not perfect. We screw up. We make questionable choices. Sometimes regularly. We STILL have unhealthy food moments. We're works in progress.
Can we talk about it as adults...knowing it's a crap example...but also knowing that it's human?
We still do weird assed extreme things in realtion to food.
How many calories in two almonds and one dried cherry? I HAVE TO WRITE IT DOWN.
How many grams of protien in one pint of donated blood? How many calories do I lose when I menstruate? I had a cold and blew my nose ten times and the internet says snot is made of protien...do I have to up my protien?
I once heard a lady on one of these boards say....she had her flinstone chewable multi vitamin....for dessert after her meal. And it was delicious. 😳
Is it wrong to admit I wanted to slap her?
I'll admit it...I ate a S'more about two weeks after I had surgery. I remember it as the most exquisite thing I've ever eaten...and I nibbled that one little square of heaven all night in front of the fireplace with the Christmas lights on. Licked it, actually. Down to a stump. LOL.
And Yes, ..a part of me is still screaming at myself.....You had a freaking S'more right after your surgery???? What the actual H*ll???!!! What were you thinking? (I lived...crap, I even lost weight to goal...but I commited this food crime. Guilty.)
Sometimes I think we lose our humanity in this environment....because as some folks have noticed, there's a competative thing. Some weird ick factor of needing the best score...the tiniest dinner...the least daily calories. "I'm going to get down to my original weight of 9 pounds 3 ounces if it kills me. Could someone please eat the other half of my lentil? It's too much for me."
And then I think....crap, maybe these folks really ARE as together as they seem and I'm just nutty and disordered and still fighting through this mess everyday three years out...isn't normal...
But then I look at the number of folks who wash out...and think......nope. MOST of us are struggling and screw up. MOST of us continue to screw up and figure it out.
Would be fun to do the research to put an actual number on it....
But I'd bet at least 90% of us...have secrets they would never disclose in a forum like this about one screw up or another.
I think we need a Confession thread. Where correction is not allowed. Where worry and concern (and abject horror) are forbidden to be expressed. Where we can just let that other lost soul know....yep, I licked a S'more, too....you're not alone.
All sins can be forgiven. Tomorrow is always a new day.

So many things in life we really SHOULD be nervous about....but we're not because it's easy to look the other way when we're doing something self destructive or something that carries risk......that we enjoy.
(I've never known anyone to hug their children and get scared and weepy while making incredibly horrible food choices and overeating in the extreme to the detriment of their health and mobility)
I don't think anyone enjoys going into the hospital, but the benefits outweigh the risks.
Statistically, your life and lifespan are much more in danger if you don't address morbid obesity.
Nope, the surgery is not a guarantee. Yes, once in a while something goes wrong.
The benefit STILL outweighs the risk.
If you are working with a reputable team at a reputable hospital, if your doctor has good presurgical investigations (labs and imaging) and everything has been resolved to reasonable levels, if you've prepaired well....chances are extremely high that surgery will go very well for you.
You got this.

"history with binge and restrict" This is the problem. Binge can kill you if your stomach hasn't healed. You can literally die if the pathology is such that you cannot stop yourself.

So many things in life we really SHOULD be nervous about....but we're not because it's easy to look the other way when we're doing something self destructive or something that carries risk......that we enjoy.
(I've never known anyone to hug their children and get scared and weepy while making incredibly horrible food choices and overeating in the extreme to the detriment of their health and mobility)
I don't think anyone enjoys going into the hospital, but the benefits outweigh the risks.
Statistically, your life and lifespan are much more in danger if you don't address morbid obesity.
Nope, the surgery is not a guarantee. Yes, once in a while something goes wrong.
The benefit STILL outweighs the risk.
If you are working with a reputable team at a reputable hospital, if your doctor has good presurgical investigations (labs and imaging) and everything has been resolved to reasonable levels, if you've prepaired well....chances are extremely high that surgery will go very well for you.
You got this.

For me, nothing is off limits or forbidden. To me...that is giving food WAY too much power.
That said, I've had to be really mindful about eating some things. Really sugary, refined flour stuff...like birthday cake or a fancy desert....if I want to eat it, I've gotta do the work to figure out what a 200 calorie serving is. If I eat much more than 200 calories of sugary refined stuff it's no longer a treat...it's super unpleasant. I don't puke or anything, I just feel kinda gross and unwell for half an hour. But hey....a little teenie piece of cake, a midget scoop of ice cream, a piece of a favorite donut, a small serving of a "mom desert"....is workable and enjoyable when it's a rare treat and the amount is reasonable. (rich stuff might only be a couple of bites)
Rather than having forbidden foods...I have foods that I need a 24 hour waiting period on. LOL. Some foods, I refuse to eat on impulse or short notice anymore. But if I have time to plan for them in my whole day's nutrition and can plan out a reasonable portion....nothing is ever off limits.
I'll also run cycles of four weeks with zero junk food, then one week with limited junk as desired. That way....if I want something bad enough to wait a couple of weeks for it...I can have anything I want.
Off limits = food wins. I want to win. I want to control food, not have food control me.
Stuff I have to be careful of: My beloved corn on the cob. Too much corn no the cob can still cause my banana stomach to feel stuck. I still eat it...cause I love it....but I make sure to eat bites of other things between small bites of corn to keep it from packing up.
I do find that I like a lot of my old favorites less. Sugary stuff is wonderful for about the first three bites....then I'm done. Have learned through experience to enjoy a few bites and not push my luck.
Several old favorites don't taste the same to me or satisfy the same way. Sometimes it's liberating to try old favorites and find out the appeal isn't there anymore. Lot of things are off my naughty list purely because they don't taste as good as my memory of them.

I have bipolar disorder and the surgery center's psychologist is requiring that my psychiatrist speak to her to ensure that my bipolar disorder is "stable" before I have surgery. Obviously, I will still have bipolar disorder and still be on meds.
I also have done some restrictive eating and a small amount of over exercising/vomiting in the past, but it was more than two decades ago, so they didn't think it was an issue. I think the best thing for you would be to work with a therapist trained in eating disorders during this time while you are preparing to have surgery. You won't be "cured" of your disordered eating patterns but you could get them in better control - this means being aware of when your emotions are getting out of control and having better ideas than running to food to soothe yourself.
I can't see your weight, but I will say that when I saw a therapist for weight issues, I didn't lose any weight at all in several months, so I don't think you have to worry about not qualifying for surgery because you lost weight from treating your eating disorders. I also think that if you don't treat your disordered eating, you will not be successful after surgery long term, based on what I've seen people here say.

So many things in life we really SHOULD be nervous about....but we're not because it's easy to look the other way when we're doing something self destructive or something that carries risk......that we enjoy.
(I've never known anyone to hug their children and get scared and weepy while making incredibly horrible food choices and overeating in the extreme to the detriment of their health and mobility)
I don't think anyone enjoys going into the hospital, but the benefits outweigh the risks.
Statistically, your life and lifespan are much more in danger if you don't address morbid obesity.
Nope, the surgery is not a guarantee. Yes, once in a while something goes wrong.
The benefit STILL outweighs the risk.
If you are working with a reputable team at a reputable hospital, if your doctor has good presurgical investigations (labs and imaging) and everything has been resolved to reasonable levels, if you've prepaired well....chances are extremely high that surgery will go very well for you.
You got this.

being nervous before surgeries is pretty normal. I've had four surgeries in my life, and I was nervous before all of them - but they all went great!

In my opinion, your money would be better spent and your health would be better.....seeing a bariatric therapist to discuss your concerns and create strategies for managing your habits if you feel you are overeating.

If you are gaining or unable to maintain a healthy weight...maybe it's time to address the reasons you overeat in a meaningful way. Therapy might not be a bad idea?
Eventually, further surgeries will not be an option. Each new surgery increases your future medical risk.
Wishing you the best.

You'll live. No worries.

In my opinion, your money would be better spent and your health would be better.....seeing a bariatric therapist to discuss your concerns and create strategies for managing your habits if you feel you are overeating.

In my opinion, your money would be better spent and your health would be better.....seeing a bariatric therapist to discuss your concerns and create strategies for managing your habits if you feel you are overeating.

In my opinion, your money would be better spent and your health would be better.....seeing a bariatric therapist to discuss your concerns and create strategies for managing your habits if you feel you are overeating.

If you are gaining or unable to maintain a healthy weight...maybe it's time to address the reasons you overeat in a meaningful way. Therapy might not be a bad idea?
Eventually, further surgeries will not be an option. Each new surgery increases your future medical risk.
Wishing you the best.

My surgical group's official stance is "No NSAIDS ever again." But privately, my bariatric surgeon has said that taking a few doses a month is not a big deal, but he wants me to take an antacid each time I do. Also, he doesn't want me taking it for extended periods of time. He also would not allow this the first year after surgery. For the first year, he was very strict to allow healing.
I do take a couple doses of ibuprophen each time I get a bad Migraine or bad menstrual cramps these days. No more than five doses in a month, and always with a big dose of antacid. Typically, it's one or two doses per month, if that.

In my opinion, your money would be better spent and your health would be better.....seeing a bariatric therapist to discuss your concerns and create strategies for managing your habits if you feel you are overeating.

Letting go of addictions is hard.
I'm a food addict. Meaning, I will use food for purposes other than what it is meant for...to the detriment of my quality of life. I medicate myself with it when I'm stressed, bored, sad, want to Celebrate, when I'm angry, when i'm facing a huge decision, when i'm excited....there is always a self-justified reason to eat. And eat again. And again. (and have a little snack) And eat again.
What does using food this way do to my body? A self injurer told me that my use of food was almost exactly like his use of cutting himself. It gave him relief, but it leaves ugly scars. My stretch marks used to look like a bear used me as a clawing post. Big ugly purple lines. Using food this way deteriorates my health and can cause serious illness that can threaten my life. Someone I loved died young of Covid because they used food like I used to. It could have been me.
Sex starts and ends with food, right? A romantic dinner, an aftercare snack. Honey, go get me ice cream.
A bath should have a cup of something and a little something sweet to eat with it. Might as well live it up, I deserve this home spa treatment.
Woke up in the middle of the night? Better have a litttle snack to settle back down so your stomach doesn't keep you up.
Got done doing the shopping...the crowds were awul, I still have to drive home, haul stuff in and put everything away. Who wants to cook? Easier to bring home KFC, and you know what goes great with that? A lemon cake and some Coke and look at the 60% off holiday candy! That's a great deal...lets buy 8 bags for the pantry! Kids will eat it! (they didn't need it either, so I would eat it to spare them)
Speaking of holidays, lets make Grandma's favorite holiday treats...it's to remember Grandma! (not feed my addiction shamlessly)
We're going on a 100 mile two hour car trip? Lets stop twice for fast food, and bring a box of Snacks, too.
Going to the movies? Lets stop at the dollar store and pack our pockets with snacks for $5...instead of paying $20! See how smart that is? We're clever!
Lets have McDonalds for Breakfast, Cracker Barrel for lunch and Chinese for dinner. it's healthy, it has vegetables.
I get on the scale and if I've gained..... I go on a shame spiral and eat
I get on the scale and if I've lost a pound I think....yippee! I bought myself some room in my diet, Let's eat!
Let's be healthy and go apple picking....turns into....let's pick apples for a beautiful artisan homemade pie from the recipe book I found in their gift shop. And while we're at it, lets get cinnamon fried donuts and hot cider. We need to stop on the way home to buy ice cream for the pie.
To hell with it, I bet I can eat an entire bowl of Halloween candy before the kids wake up.
Make bargains that don't make sense. This homemade fresh bread has chia seeds in it. Clearly it is now healthfood. Four servings of healthfood is fine.

When you are addicted, you have this complex pattern of behavior triggered by a million different things. You constantly need to evaluate if you are using food to medicate, cope, escape....or are you using it to build and maintain a healthy body. Am I eating for the right reasons? Am I eating the right foods? In the right amounts?
And the worst part? You can't quit food. If you do, that's another deadly disorder.
You have to make peace with it, get painfully honest about it, and forgive yourself a lot for your screw ups.
You work on breaking the patterns every day. For a long, long time. Maybe forever.
You have to wake up the next day and make the choice to get back on the horse and be accountable. If things start to get out of control, you get to the therapist before it gets worse. You don't obsess about your pride, and you don't beat yourself up over your screw up. You just go to therapy and get back on track.
And you just keep doing that.
If you're lucky, you eventually see all this crap clear enough to get ahead of it most of the time and make better choices. If you work hard, you can beat it. But it's not easy, it's not easy, it's not easy.
Fixing your stomach does NOT fix your head.
But it makes it just a little easier to get to where your head eventually needs to go.
If any of this sounds familiar, I'm rooting for you in your daily fight. I hope you're rooting for me, too. We got this.

I think it's important to talk about what we're eating. We do a lot of that. In minutia. We lable foods good and evil. We obsess about the "right" diet, calories, choices, etc....
But that's really the easy part.
The hard part is figuring out WHY we're eating. WHY we ate ourselves to morbid obesity, and what need we were trying to address when we put that food in our bodies.
I feel like if those needs aren't figured out and meaningfully delt with this whole process is really vulnerable to failure.
I feel like we never talk about why we ate so much.
I'm not saying we need pity party hour with extensive confessionals chronicallying every challenge, insecurity and poopy life event...lol.
But I feel like sharing those little eureka moments were we've identified some little unmet need that resulted in bad choices....would be a good thing.
For instance.... I used to get the KFC six million calorie dinner with the 12 pieces of chicken, 3 sides, biscuits and the chocolate chip cake....after grocery shopping. It was almost an unwritten thing. I deserved it. In some weird justification, I figured that I was shopping, carrying stuff in, putting things away, selflessly giving up time to a task I sort of despised for my family. Of course I deserved chicken!
But really, what I wanted at the core of things....was support. I wanted to feel appreciated, and rewarded for being a good doobie. I wanted to feel nurtured after a stressful task that I hated.
These days....we have a new rule at the house. The person who does the grocery shopping gets to relax and take a bath while the other person does the cooking. And you know what? It works. I feel appreciated, supported. And I eat a more balanced decent dinner and have a win. That feels good. I learned that I geninely don't like asking for help...and that I need to more often. Just writing that makes me cringe.
My bariatric therapist did a lot of talking about the "whys" of over eating, and finding ways to get the desired needs met that aren't self sabotaging.
I wish we talked about the "whys" more.

The shoulder pain can be referred pain from your diaphragm. This can be particularly true if you had a hernia repaired.
Shoulder pain is not necessarily gas.

This isn't my clinc's plan, but it's solid advice from a solid authority. mayo Clinic is one of the best hospitals in the US. This is just an overview, but it's got some of the specifics you're looking for. (I know it's for bypass, not sleeve....but right after surgery, the advice is virtually identical)
https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/gastric-bypass-surgery/in-depth/gastric-bypass-diet/art-20048472