Sleeve1stFitNext

I fit into a size 12 ya'll. A SIZE 12!!!! OMG!!! Yes. I only lost 2.2 lbs but I dropped 2 dress sizes. I have to get a 14 in pants because my butt is big and the 12 wont go past my booty. 

This week is buffalo chicken for lunch and breakfast is turkey bacon and eggs. That is small bag of ranch (1 tbsp). 

5/1 - Well I had an eventful day. I signed up for the Hello Fresh (like Blue Apron or Fresh Direct) today. I get my first shipment Saturday, I am so excited. I was not able to get Applebees, they were packed today. Went to Buffalo Wild Wings and ordered a grill chicken salad. Ordered a quesadilla and just ate the stuff inside. Finally recorded my week video for my youtube channel. I have just have to edit it and post it. Found out that I and my shift's productivity is the highest in my department. I supervise the night shift and I am to the point where I am not willing to rotate. The am shift is horrible and they will drive to me eat unhealthy. I cannot with them.

7/26 - Worst day EVER!! My dog was hit by a car and his back leg paw is broken. My mom had him off of the lease and he was peeing on some grass near the curb. He was walking on the edge to come back around when he fell into the street and a driver clipped his back right leg. The driver didn't even stop. 

He is okay and just requires surgery to get pins in his right ankle. He has surgery on 7/28 in the morning.

I broke my Keto for the day. Anxious eating has always been my problem. I had Tostitos and salsa and just ate half a bag without realizing it. It took over an hour, however I still ate it. 

7/27 - Got the price of how much this would cost. Over $5,000 for 3 nights stay, surgery, pins and painkillers. I cannot complain. It was funny to watch people look at me as I paid the medical bills up front. They were like, what does this young girl do and how much money does she make? I was looking at them like, I will pay anything for this dog. I just want to be able to take him home already. He is such a resilient dog though. He continues to try and get up although it hurts. I told him we will be twins (I have screws in my right ankle). 

Kept to my keto today. Had beef chevy's for snacks. Sooo good. 

5/20 - Ate the eggplant ricotta bake. I had that foamy feeling in my mouth and the rumbles. I guest eggplant does not sit well in my tummy. Went to the Taco placed and got a naked chicken burrito. I tried their new kind of chicken (FYI The guy failed to inform me that it was chipotle spicy chicken. Oh it tasted delicious. 5 minutes later I was puking up foam. I ended up spending my lunch break laid on the floor in the back of the office curled up in the fetal position. So spicy food does not love me anymore .

5/21 - Did not have any meal prep because the eggplant would not sit well in my tummy. The left over Halal chicken that I had, I spilled pulling it out of the my lunch box (Damn Portion8 container lol) I ended up getting a chicken Salad from the Turkish place downstairs. It was an interesting taste. It was sweet. Felt very disappointed after I weighed in. I only lost 4 oz for that week. I had worked out really hard. I did however notice that my stomach is getting smaller. I might have just lost inches and gained muscle. Lost 8.8 lbs during my second month post-op. Current 220.6 lbs

5/22 - Wanted to get a Protein Drink from Vitamin Shoppe. Ended up getting some Atkins Granola bars. DO NOT BUT THEM. They are delicious, high in protein but have 17g of carbs in one bar but they advertised it at NET Carbs 3g. SNEAKY SNEAKY. I ate two of them and then realized it. They also are 210 calories each. It works because I will be full off of one for 2+ hours however 420 calories on just two bars is a lot. Now I have to be really mindful of what I am reading. When I see low carbs I have to check to see if it says NET (they do some type of convoluted math to get to that low number). Went to the gym before work and the trainer really kicked my butt. I am sore but loving it. Today, we focused on Cardio. Tomorrow he said will be weight lifting. Wish me luck!!! Oh dinner and lunch consist of grilled chicken breast and a dipping sauce that I made (1/4 cup fire roasted tomato sauce and 1/2 tsp of ricotta). Watermelon on the side for snacks. 

The left was me just doing cardio. I was losing weight and was down to 189 lbs in this picture. The right is mainly weight lifting and HIIT. In this picture I weigh 195 lbs. I have come to the conclusion that I may not reach my weight goal but I am definitely reaching my body goals.

4/19 - Had a protein shot which was 15 grams of protein for breakfast. Had 1/2 grill chicken broken up into 4 small meals, with two pieces of steamed broccoli each. Premier Protein shake for dinner. Total 65g protein, 2g sugar, 9g of carbs, 6g of fat. I also have not stepped on a scale since my 2 week post op. I am starting to worry that I am either stalling or have gained weight. I am sure that I am just overreacting, however I weigh in Friday when I see my NUT. I am hoping that I have lost weight. 

So I have come to the conclusion that I have a racer back gym shirt problem. I keep buying more shirts and they are soo cute and they make me feel cute. I am still kicking butt on my workouts and I have decided to end Keto for now. I have been stressing a lot about food and unfortunately, I hold on to weight that way. It is time to go back to just being mindful of what I eat and how much. 

Although I look great in clothing, I wanted to show what my body looks like outside of it. My stomach is sagging lower than before I lost weight. My arms are sagging and my breast have deflated. 

With that being said, I would not go back and change anything. I would not give up being able to jump, bike, go shopping easily and feel comfortable in clothes for anything. I would not trade this confidence or happiness. I am soo a peace with myself and my body. The aches that I feel are from soreness of pushing my body, than from being too heavy that my body cannot handle the weight. 

This journey has saved my life in more ways than I could ever imagine. I do not hide from the world anymore. I do not hide from people. I go out and want to explore. I meet new people. I have been freed from the burdens my weight had placed on me mentally and physically. 

With being said, "I LOVE MY IMPERFECTLY PERFECT BODY!!" 

My clothes have been hanging off and baggy. I decided to just suck it up and buy a few shirts and two pairs of jeans today. I fit into a size 16 jeans. I was a size 22!!! I fit into a size Medium shirt. A MEDIUM!!! From a 2XL - 3XL to Medium. OMG!!! YES. 

Got on the scale today. Lost 8.4 lbs in 5 days. Idk if this is healthy or right but I do know that I am not hungry and excited that for once my hard work is paying off!!!!

6/26 - I had a bad day. My bf and I broke up. He stated that he preferred me bigger and that had he known things would change that he would have never supported the decision. When I asked how things changed, he stated the following: 

1) You put on makeup more

2) You get your nails done more

3) You do your hair more

4) You dress differently. You do not cover up as much

5) Guys look at you more (Ding! Ding! Ding!)

6) They hit on you more (Jackpot!!)

I was stunned as he continued on his rant. At that point he told me he needed space and that he felt he needed time to get used to the new situation. 

Before this journey I would ate my feelings away. I would have cried, watch romantic movies, Jack and Rose would have been my idols, my heart would have not gone on and I would have gained 5 lbs in one day. However, I felt no desire to stuff my face. Actually I felt nothing. After thinking about what he said and talking to my mom, I decided to end the relationship. I do not want that toxic attitude in my positive environment. I made a hard choice, however I am sure I made the right choice.

6/27 - Still followed my Keto diet. I did have a sugar free Popsicle. Went to the gym. Noticed something disturbing, my boobies are starting to have loose skin . I knew it would happened but I was hoping it would not. I boobs do not fit in my bra's anymore. They are sliding under the wire like peek-a-boo. SMH.

5/25 - Went to the gym and worked out cardio. My shoulders were really killing me from the workout the day before. I did not get to see the trainer today because he does not oversea cardio days. I ended up working out for an hour and trying to keep my heart rate in cardio.

I went home and started reading up on Ketogenic diets more. I found out that when Bariatric patients are required to do a liquid diet (low in carbs), we end up putting out body into a Ketogenic state. This allows our body to start burning fat as a energy resource. I was really intrigued and decided to do a full Ketogenic diet as an experience. I have foods that I omitted (red meats, bacon). I very barely would eat red meat prior to surgery so it was easy to omitted that option. I meal prepped enough chicken for the week. I can eat YASSO  frozen yogurt ice cream which is 100 calories and low in sugar with 5g of protein. I used to eat them for dessert twice a week. I made chicken breast, brocolli, mozzarella cheese (reduced fat). The remaining chicken breast, I am using to follow the Ketogenic Diet now. 

5/26 - Went to my Granny's house to spend time with her. She loves seeing my progress and oh baby does she like to hear about the foods I can and cannot eat. She enjoys seeing my meal preps and just praises me for sticking to staying away from junk food.

For breakfast: I had boiled egg whites (hate the yoke). 

For snack: I had 7 olives and a powerade zero calorie drink.

For Lunch: I had 4 oz of chicken breast, 1 tsp of guacamole and 1 tbsp of sour cream. 

For snack: the remainder of my brocolli and cheese.

For Dinner: I will have 4 oz of salmon and 1 tsp of guacamole.

I have attached a picture below of my portion8 container. This takes me about 45 minutes to eat in it's entirety. 

And a picture of the happiest baby I know. My little cousin. 

9/5 - Went to my for my 6 month Check up. I am good. My hair falling out has slowed down a lot. Thank goodness!!! I am doing well. He wants me to increase my exercise. My workout increase below: 

1) Weight lifting: 

From 3 days to 4 days. From 30 minutes to 1 hour. 

2) Bikes: 

From 4 days to 5 days. From 30 minutes to 1 hour. 

3) Walking: 

From 10,000 to 12,000 steps 7 days a week. 

9/6 - I went to the gym and worked out. I was feeling myself today. I have stayed at the Onederland and I am happy to post that picture. Finally sticking!!!!

Worked out with the trainer. I an really proud of this success. 

Since my hair will not stop falling out and I still have a lot on my head. I decided to stick with the up-do. 

I also added a picture of my ID at my highest weight versus today. I was sooo shocked by the difference. 

My gym day. I wanted to show my setup at the gym so you can see what I do. 

I have stopped losing weight but I am losing inches. 

So yesterday, I did a dumb thing. I went to see the Dietitian and Therapist at my surgeons office and I was so anxious at the fact that I had not lost any more weight. I had forgot to eat since Thursday morning (It could have been that I subconsciously did it out of fear of being told I am not doing a job). I weighed in at 196 lbs and found out that I had lost 5 inches since my last visit which they were proud of. They gave me a much needed pep talk and I was ready to tackle on the world again. 

I went to the gym (still had not eaten) and began my workout. My second set in and apparently I fainted. I know my trainer woke me up and apparently, I was trying to climb on the pull-up bars yelling, “I have to do the pull-ups” . Then in the Ambulance I am telling them that they are trying to hold me back from exercising and this is why our relationship will never workout . They tried to give me Oxygen and apparently I got rude with them and said, “I’m not paying $400 for **** that I can do naturally and for free.” 

After some testing, I found out my blood pressure and sugar was very low and I was severely dehydrated as well. 

Well 6 hours, $100 copay (probably hundreds in ER bills cause they will charge you for napping) and an annoyed mother later, the moral of the story is to remember to eat. Just eat. Don’t worry about the scale and the mind games it plays. Just eat. Now I am not saying junk food or anything like that but eat the healthy stuff. Don’t be afraid to. 

I was so in my own head, that I forgot one of the most essential parts of living and that is fueling this body I have worked so hard for.

Sorry for the delay. So many updates: 

4/8 - I had a nervous break down. Got into it with my little brother over Popeyes lol. I know I can't have any but it did not stop me from grabbing him up and saying, "give me some damn chicken, give me some beans, give me some mash potatoes and give me a biscuit" lol my mom had to break it up lol.

Then I gave her the ASPCA sad look and start singing, "In the eyes of an angel, give me Popeyes". I then went into the kitchen and started pulling snacks from the cabinets, screaming and crying "If I cant have this, no one can have it."  My mom endedup calling her friend (she had gotten the sleeve last year) and asked her what was going on. She told my mom that I was having moment and just needed to get the frustration out. Once I was done, my mom told me I was grounded lol. I told her I was grown and she said, "With that behavior, I do not think so." Needless to say, I have not been able to hang out with my friends lol 

4/9 - Started eating more protein was able to get in 30 oz of chicken and 55 oz of water. Still cannot go outside to play.

4/10 - Still cannot go outside to play. Drank 64 oz of water, only able to get down 28 oz of protein

4/11 - Went to Applebees and accidentally took a sip out of a straw. No issues except I could not eat. I ended up getting a kids turkey burger with nothing. The waitress had the cook chopped the burger into small pieces. I ended eating less than 1/4 a turkey burger. Damn I was sad. 

4/12 - Took all my vitamins on time. Yayy me!!! I am able to eat 2 (7oz) chickens over the course of 6 meals. I also added 2 steamed small pieces of broccoli. Now I am focusing on getting in my water. So far I have gotten in 30 oz. 

4/20 - So my little punk brother ate my meal prep and even took two containers to school. I woke up this morning to an empty fridge lol. Last night, I have three small containers of chicken and broccoli and two small containers of beans. His reasoning? He is doing it to make me cook tonight lol. I said what? He said, "It is Taco Casserole Thursdays and this is tradition and you have failed to make it for almost 2 months. I cannot allow these atrocities against my stomach to go unpunished." He told me that this is food warfare and hung up lol.

I called my mom and told her and she started laughing. She said this is what I get for the whole Popeyes incident. She told me to just make the Casserole since I am off today and she wont be home until late. So I told her, I will make the Casserole. However, their is something that little punk does not like to eat and that is sour cream. I will make the Casserole and put sour cream in it. I will get the last laugh. 

I ended up boiling two large eggs and just eating the egg whites with a little salt sprinkled on top. I am defrosting a turkey burger for lunch. I now have to go to Whole Foods and get the ingredients for the Casserole:

Turkey Ground Beef

Reduced Fat Cheese

Salsa

Brown Rice (rice substitute if I can find one)

Bean paste

Tortilla chips 

Sour Cream (Lots and Lots of Sour Cream )

Today is 1-YEAR!!! 1 Year!!! I cannot believe a year has gone by soo fast. I am sooo hyper. I am proud of myself. I hope to keep this going. I hope that by year 2, I have an even stronger body than I do now. 

Happy 1 Year everyone!!!

6/8 - KETO KETO KETO. I am trying everything I can with KETO. Nothing out of the ordinary. 

6/9 - Breakfast: Had two egg whites, and 1 slice turkey bacon. Lunch: Turkey lettuce wrap (delicious). Dinner: Protein shake. Got my Hidrate bottle and immediately fell in love. I went as far as purchasing another one in Teal. I plan on having all the colors. Yayyy. Having difficulty with this 64 oz water intake I see. All this time, I thought I was drinking way more water than I was. SMH.

6/10 - Meal prepped for the week. Mozzarella stuffed chicken with Mushrooms. It is soo delicious. Low carb and high in protein. The remaining prep for breakfast was turkey bacon (BLT) with lettuce as the bread. 

6/11 - Nothing out of the ordinary happened. 

6/12 - Could not get out of bed. I felt burnt out and just exhausted. I went to work but could not function enough to hit the gym. I slept so long.

6/13 - Still felt exhausted. No gym and had a massive headache. It could possibly be this NYC heat. My fan is not cutting it anymore. 

6/14 - I actually had enough energy to workout (with the help of C4). I have been slacking in my vitamins for the evening so I am wondering if this could be the reason why I was out of it. It does not help that I am overworked as well. However, that C4 gave me a kick that I needed. I still have a buzz going. I hope I do not crash. I only took 1/2 scoop which is below the recommended. My mom went and brought some organic Turkey Burgers lol. She was sooo excited and happy. She goes, "Look Mocha. It is for you. I know you cannot have the other food at the cookout but I got you some Turkey burgers and I will make some chicken and shish kabobs for just for you ." She had the biggest smile. It was too cute. 

Well this is it for now. I am sorry that I do not post regularly like I used to. I am taking on a new business project and it is taking a lot of my time.

4/27 - Went to see my PCP. I weighed in at the same weight lol. She said it was actually okay due to me having ate and drank during the day.  My blood pressure is normal and my sleeve is doing amazing. Today I cooked the following:

1) Cauliflower cheese sticks (reduced fat cheese) - I did not like it. I will not be making that again.

2) Steamed shrimp with zucchini noodles, with (1 TSP of Alfredo sauce from whole foods). The zucchini noodles were not good . I keep my food separated when I eat which is awesome.  I ate my 6 of shrimps and lightly dip it in the Alfredo sauce.  That was delicious. 

On Saturday, I am thinking steaming me a tilapia. I went to trader joe's and purchased a wild tilapia. It is costed some money but it will be worth it (I hope). The only fish I have ever eaten that was not packaged is fried fish. 

4/28 - Took the grilled chicken that I had left over and tried something different. Cut the chicken in half and put reduced fat cheese (1 slice) and some seasoned asparagus. I backed it for 10 minutes and out came the most delicious and heavenly thing I have made. My mom had some and she was like what is that ? lol I told her food made from the Gods. 

4/29 - Went on Pinterest and found a video on making Tilapia. I looked like a deer in headlights. First thing, What the hell is Parchment Paper? lol I literally walked around my supermarket 6 times before I FOUND it. I even asked for directions lol. My mother had never cooked with it before and every thing was in a skillet, pan, crockpot or steamer. It actually came out pretty delicious, the lemon and garlic did not over power the tilapia. It was a perfect blend. I made it with some asparagus. Shockingly, 1 month ago I had never eaten asparagus, now it is delicious. 

4/30 - Finished up my left over chicken and tilapia. I am seriously out of food. I will need to buy something to eat for tomorrow. I will just head to Applebees and order 1 grilled chicken, 1 shrimp, broccoli and garlic green beans. I will just have to make sure though because when I get there I can never make my mind up.  

My average calorie intake is anywhere from 500 - 700 calories a day. That is if I cook my own meals. I keep my water intake around 54 - 64 oz. Having a hard time keeping up with that though. I have noticed that I am eating cold food more and more often. Vitamins are on point. I take those everyday with the phone reminders. My protein intake is anywhere from 50g  - 80g. If I eat a lot of protein, I am not drinking enough water. If I drink enough water, I am not getting enough protein. It is like a double edge sword. I pretty much alternate between the two. On the days that I workout, however I do not have this problem. It seems to be only on my regular days. 

I was talking to my boyfriend and I guess he was looking up someone stuff on bariatric surgery and he calls me nervous. I answered and he says, "You never told mhe your hair might fall out." I figured it was a minor issue and well hair grows back so whats the biggy right?  He then tells me that if my hair was to start falling out that he would shave is head so I would not feel bad. I was shocked, he loves his man bun lol I told him thanks but it would not need to happen because I have been eyeing this Tina Turner "Private Dancer" wig for ages lol.  Just the thought of him offering to shave his head really made me smile. 

I was soooo jealous of the people in my support group. I was really like why do I not look like them and why am I not losing like they are? Then I did a side by side comparison for support group and noticed it. I really could not believe the difference. Sometimes we truly have to look backwards to see how far we have come. I never liked comparing myself to others but I always felt a little way about people reaching their goals faster then me. However, after this picture, I will never feel that way again. I am proud of my success and how far I have come. Granted I am starting to notice lose skin, but I will take that over being unable to jog up the steps or run across the street. 

After reaching the goal of 200 lbs (finally dang I thought I would never get there lol). I went to the Spa. I was soo proud of myself and how I looked. I even got myself a Male Masseuse. He even complimented me on how soft my skin was and how well hydrated it looked. I felt so pretty with my facial and nails done. I did not worry if the bed was going to hold my weight or if I was going to fit on it. I fit just fine. 

Afterwards me and my mom went to Buffalo Wild Wings (Her favorite Spot). I was able to fit into the booth without having to suck my tummy in, lift it up or push it down. I looked at my mom and I said, "Mom I fit!! I really fit!!" She started laughing at me. The Waitress was really confused. My mom told her, "My annoying daughter lost over 60 lbs and now can fit in the booth..sooo...this is an important moment for her." 

Went to visit my Dad and he was shocked to hug me. (Note: My Dad lost a lot of his eyesight to Diabetes and he now takes very good care of himself. He was one of the reasons why I wanted to change). He said, "Moocha!! I wrap my arms around you now!!" I said, "Daddy so can I lol !!". We spent hours talking about Game of Thrones and how much weight we have lost. My dad used to weigh almost 385 lbs. He now weighs 220 lbs (he did this by going vegan and working out). I am very proud of him. It has taken him 2 years but he never gave up. The man is amazing. 

I have placed a picture I took at the restaurant lol. 

5/6 - Woke up bruised and sore from my gym incident. I just went to work and minded my business. I was not really in the mood for people. Nothing special happened. 

5/7 - Got into it with an employee. He got in my face and that was it. My manager had to get involved. He really pushed my buttons. I repeatedly said that I was not talking about him. I was having a discussion with my manager in regards to call roll overs and this idiot decided to interject himself. He is not a Supervisor. He felt as though I was speaking about him when I was speaking about a fellow Supervisor (He is not even a permanent employee. He is seasonal). I advised him 6 times that I was not and then told him to go back to work and do his job. He then got up and got in my face. I told my Manager that this is the second time he has done that and he cannot come back here next year for the season. I told my Manager, I will be nice and work with him for the remaining time that they are here but I will be sending an email to HR. This the last time he will be able to do that. My Manager was very understanding, noting that I am not an aggressive person. Everyone who works with me knows that I am the best person to work for. I like having fun and joking around. 

Oh man my last post was on the 12th. Time to catch up then. Here goes. This will be a long one lol

5/13 - Nothing special happened. I ran out of meal prep so I brought 1 lb of turkey. To be honest, I ate that pound throughout the day. I am sure that was a lot of protein. Water intake was decent, no complaints. 

5/14 - Weighed in for my weekly and now weigh 221 lbs. I was excited since I thought I may have reached a stall already. That was a 4 lbs loss from the previous week.  Took my mom to the spa to be pampered lol. Went and had dinner with my boyfriends parents. His mom kept trying to feed me pasta. He had told them I could not have certain foods but his mom did not understand what he had meant lol. She was adorable (her English is not that good) and really wanted to feed me. I ended up having Grapes, 1 Peanut, Chicken Soup (he took all the noodles and carrots) and a small salad. 

5/15 - We got up early and headed to Virginia Beach. His mom had made us sandwiches which I had feed him and myself. She used whole wheat bread and I was only able to eat 1/4 (1 hour later the rumbles lol). He had his first trip to Wawa lol. He was sooo amazed. He had never been there before and just could not believe all that awesomeness was in 1 store lol. We sang along to the radio and did our usual conversations about life and goals. We got a ticket right before the bridge for speeding. Once we made it to the hotel, I handled check in while he got the bags out of the car. He decided to go put the bags in our room while I roamed around the hotel. Once I went up to the room, I saw two match pillows. He had gotten us both pillows with our First initial on it with our favorite color. He is such a romantic. That night I ate turkey and lettuce roll ups (I was afraid to try something new - did not want to get sick).

5/16 - We woke up and hit the gym. It was cardio day for me, while it was his lifting day and he was working on arms. For breakfast I had 1 egg, 3 pineapples, 6 blueberries and I was full. We went to the beach in which we had snacks. Apparently, Tositos and Salsa, I can eat a lot of. I was not paying attention as I mindlessly stuffed my face with the scoops and salsa. I ended up getting a lot (30-40 scoops) in which he had to take the bag away. The moment he removed the bag, I felt the restriction in my stomach. I had eaten too much and needed purge. I made it to the boardwalk and was bent over a garbage can puking my soul out. Once I was done I felt better. We went up stairs and I took a nap (after brushing my teeth of course lol). I felt better so we went to the amusement park. He got on all the rides while I had a mini panic attack each time the ride started. I did not have dinner. I wanted the Tositos but he had thrown them away. 

5/17 - Woke up and went to the pool. We did laps and we time each other, trying to beat our personal best. I had scrambled eggs (no cheese) and 2 strawberries. For lunch we went to a dinner. I had a grilled chicken salad (they brought out breaded chicken ), feeling bad because the guy look like he had a bad day, I just ate it. Nothing bad happened, I found out that they do not fry their breaded chicken but microwave it lol. Hey its whatever. We went bike riding along the boardwalk. He did most of the pedaling lol. Do not judge me, It is harder than it looks. For dinner, we went to a restaurant and I had watermelon (was not interested with the foods on the menu). I ended up having turkey, lettuce roll ups again. We sat on the balcony and just watched the sun go down and watch the people below as we talked.

5/18 - I decided to do the bike. The level was performance and it kicked my butt with a 20 minute work out. He worked on Abs and Obliques. It was fun working out together because I would be cheering him on during the hard parts of his workout and he would be cheering me on during the hard parts of mines. He was really proud of me. We ate breakfast and I had scrambled eggs, half of a biscuit. I did not finish any of it. I felt light headed and had vertigo. He asked me if I had taken my vitamins and I remembered that I had not taken them since Saturday. I figured maybe it was a deficiency because my water intake was excellent and he made sure of that. Upon taking some of my vitamins, I started feeling a lot better. Unfortunately, we had to head home. We did not want to go but we had too. It was the first time we had been on vacation together and it was amazing. He dropped the,  "I love you" saying and I kept saying, "Awww you Nub me". He just laughed. BEST VACATION EVER!!!

5/19 - Only had a protein shake this morning. It is wayyyyyyy tooo hot to want to eat. I have been drinking water all day. Took my vitamins and I feel like I am getting better. I am making a eggplant lasagna for meal prep this week. To be honest, it is soo hot that I did not measure any thing. I am sure the calories are going to be higher than they should so I am prepared for that. 

@Newme17 and @Sweet as peaches I hope your recoveries are going well!!!

Well that is the update. Sorry so long. 

Omg I forgot lol 

Ya'll ya girl went rogue and cut all my hair off. 

So the ex-bf is completely out of the picture. I could not handle the uncertainty of his behaviors. One day he likes the way I dressed, the next day I was begging for attention. Once he started with the insecurities, I had to let it go. Truthfully, it did not hurt me as much as I thought it would. And that is because I had falling in love with someone else. 

I fell in love with a woman. She is the most funny, beautiful and caring person I have ever met. She is strong, confident and dorky at the same time. She is everything I ever wanted in a person and she is ME!! I FELL IN LOVE with MYSELF again. I forgot the person I used to be and went searching for her and I found her. I never want to lose her again. If that meant giving up someone else for the sack of myself, then I would do what is necessary to keep me as a I am.

I guess sometimes you have to be selfish. I cannot sacrifice my success to make someone else fell secure in themselves. I cannot sacrifice my peace of mind to give some one a peace of mind. I just could not keep living my life through other peoples wants, hopes and desires. I want to live my life for me. I have wants, hopes and desires and I plan on making them happen. 

"Like a Phoenix, out of the Ashes comes NEW LIFE!"