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In ancient times, sailors would make sure they were staying on course by referring to the location of the North Star. A constant light in an otherwise black sky, the North Star kept sailors clearly focused on which direction they were traveling and where they wanted to go. However, the skies over the ocean could become cloudy and stormy and sailors might lose sight of the North Star. Sometimes sailors lost their way and became lost at sea.

The quest for weight loss and long-term weight maintenance is much like journeying a great distance over an enormous ocean under an endless black sky. Like the sailors of old, to be successful on your journey you need to be clear about where you’re going. You need to stay on course. You need to remain focused. Like sailing across the ocean, losing weight can be stormy and treacherous. Your brain, like the ocean, is not your friend. Your brain is not terribly interested in your desire to lose weight. Your brain is busy trying to maintain your current weight. Trying to lose weight is putting your brain is at war with itself. Your forebrain is the thinker who understands that you want to lose weight. It agrees that losing weight is a good idea. Your midbrain is not logical. It’s a perpetual 2-year-old who is hungry and cranky and likes potato chips, candy, hot dogs and deep fried chicken. This is going to be a very difficult journey, and one that is going to go on for a very long while. What can you do? Look for your North Star(s).

It goes without saying that you know your goal, right? In fact, it seems quite simple. You want to lose weight and keep it off for good. If you’re like most people, you’ve had this goal for many years and you’ve probably had some success in pursuit of this goal. But there’s a problem with your goal. Believe it or not, weight loss is not your true goal. Your real goal is not to lose weight. Your real goal is to accomplish and experience what you believe losing weight will provide. Therefore, you actually have multiple, specific goals. These are the reasons that inspire you to keep sailing when the ocean gets stormy. These are the reasons that keep you on course. These are your North Stars.

To make it across, you must keep your North Star(s) squarely in view. Here’s how to keep away the storms and stay focused:

1) Think long and hard about why you want to lose the weight. Yes, you want to lose weight…but why? What’s in it for you? Take out a piece of paper and put a line down the middle from top to bottom. On the top of the left column write: “What I will gain if I lose the weight and keep it off.” On the top of the right column write: “What I could lose if I don’t lose the weight.” Think of the left side as the “positives” of losing weight and the right side as the “negatives” of not being successful. The left side is what you want; the right side is what you don’t want. As a general rule, positives motivate us more effectively and more consistently than negatives. However, our fears (the negatives) do have a place on the list. Some examples of positives include: improved health, reduced need for specific medications, improved mobility, wearing the clothes you want, improved confidence, and pride in your accomplishment. The negatives are probably more obvious to you: specific health problems, limitations in mobility, frustration, various difficulties in your personal, social and other areas of functioning.

Don’t try to write the list all at once. Write down whatever comes to mind right now, but allow other reasons to come to you over the next several days. Take your time. When a specific motivation comes to mind, write it down and add it to the list. Consider asking loved ones for their thoughts. You may never be 100% finished with the list, but you can always add more items later. You’ll know you’re truly ready to begin your weight loss journey when you read the list and deeply feel the emotional impact of each of the items. As you well know, the struggle to lose weight and keep it off is very emotional. If the items on the list don’t move you, you need to revise the list. When it’s complete, this list is your North Star.

2) Make several printed copies of the list. Make a small one to keep in your wallet or purse. Make another to keep in your car. Make another to keep in your office. Make a document containing the list on your computer and keep it on your desktop, laptop, tablet and cell phone. Put a printed or electronic copy everywhere you spend your time.

3) Read the list every day, over and over and over and over. This list needs to be etched on your brain and be in the front of your mind as often as possible. You need to read the list every morning when you wake up, multiple times per day, and before you go to sleep at night. The list needs to be as familiar as possible and as accessible as possible. Rehearse it like a speech.

4) Read the list before you eat and every time you eat. Read the list when you’re cooking or serving yourself food. Read the list just before you start to eat your meal. Read the list just before you place your order in a restaurant. Read the list when you’re about to get up from the couch and wander into the kitchen. Read the list just before you go into the mini-mart to grab a snack when you’re out running errands.

If the reasons to make choices consistent with your goals are not in the front of your mind when you are about to choose what or whether or not to eat, they might as well not be in your mind at all. We always seem to know each and every reason why we shouldn’t have eaten that cookie just after we eat it. It’s only by being aware of those reasons before we eat it that can help alter our behavior. (In case you’re wondering why, it’s a forebrain-midbrain thing. Once your cranky 2-year-old midbrain gets the cookie, she’s happy and quiets down, therefore you can now clearly hear your forebrain and all of her brilliant reasons not to eat the cookie….albeit too late.)

Having this list is the single most important part of your weight loss journey, and quite frankly the rest of your efforts might be pointless without the list. Here’s why: no learned behavior is ever fully unlearned. Once a particular relation occurs it never returns to zero strength so you never forget that you love donuts, candy, potato chips or chicken wings. These foods will never become completely unappealing because the brain never forgets. Therefore, you have to practice reminding your brain of what you hope to accomplish by losing weight and why eating donuts, candy, etc. is incompatible with those goals. Your brain may never forget just how yummy those foods are, but if you maintain your focus on your goals and avoid overeating those foods (or learn to eat better foods or learn to engage in new behaviors that replace eating), the impulse to eat those foods weakens and you gain habit strength and confidence in new behaviors that are consistent with your goals and avoid getting lost at sea.

All weight loss efforts falter when the reasons for persevering weaken. If you have a bright, shining North Star, a setback is just a setback. You just keep on sailing and don’t become adrift. You’re still clear on where you’re going. Even if you have a donut, you can refer right back to your list, view it as an “oops” and get back on track. In fact, when your reasons for losing weight are solid and deeply personal, you might even choose to have an occasional donut, knowing that it won’t cause you to lose your way.

None of what I’m suggesting in this article is intended to minimize the importance of other skills in helping you achieve your weight loss goals. You know that losing weight and keeping it off is very difficult and that your brain and body are unrelenting in trying to sabotage your best efforts. Therefore, if your specific reasons to embark on this weight loss journey are unfamiliar, vague or uninspiring, it’s very unlikely that you will make it across a very treacherous, dark ocean. Take the time to make the list and keep your North Star shining bright. My best wishes to you for smooth sailing.

Today, during one of my pre-op psych evaluations, I heard a woman say “I just feel like once I start losing weight and start feeling so much better about my self- I will stop doing all the destructive things that got me here. Don’t you think?”
My response was “no I don’t agree.” I went on to explain that hers was a common assumption, a dangerous “magic-bullet” fantasy about what weight loss surgery can do.
Here’s why: The part of our brain that is responsible for the thought : “wow I look so much better, I better not mess this up,” or “I feel better than I have ever felt in my life, I am a changed person,” is not the same part of the brain that wakes us up in the middle of the night and says: “go on, finish that 1/2 pint of Chunky Monkey in the freezer, there’s only a little bit left anyway, and I have been so good here lately.”
We are dealing with two very different brains; the frontal cortex and the reptilian mid brain. The frontal cortex is the most newly developed (relative to other parts of the brain) part of the brain. It is the component that separates us from animals. It gives us the ability to think about consequences, plan, and execute. It is the “higher” part of ourselves, that often says “why do I keep on doing the same things I keep saying I won’t do anymore?” Or “I feel so out of control. This _______ (eating, smoking, drinking, gambling, pick your poison) is a temporary solution that produces long term pain. I have to find a different way.”
Our reptilian midbrain is the Commodore 64 to our MAC; it is the palm pilot to our iPhone; the horse and buggy to our Prius; the Tommy Lee to our Oprah. Our midbrain is antique equipment, long ago evolved to keep us alive and hence the reason it is still with us today- it keeps us alive. Our midbrain contains the parts of the brain that make us recoil at the site of a snake or a spider in our peripheral vision. It is hardwired to not have to go through superfluous channels of the brain that might otherwise say “hmmm what is that crawling over there? How do I feel about that? Oh its just a spider, my aunt had a collection of spiders, maybe I should collect things, etc etc.” We just jump, and process later.
That very system has helped humans survive for thousands of years. There is an adaptive quality to a brain that proverbially acts and asks forgiveness later. That very old structure once kept us out of harm’s way when a pack of tigers were first seen galloping across a horizon, or when a rivaling tribe could be heard in the far off distance, threatening to pillage our territory.
Our midbrain is associated with learning and reward. Learning what makes us feel bad, what eats us (in the past that would be in a literal sense- like tigers, but presently it might be a mercurial supervisor or unending debt), and even more relevant to this article- what makes us feel good. When our brains come across something that makes us feel good (ex: sex, drugs, food), we are then flooded with an influx of the powerful neurotransmitter- dopamine. Just like not everyone that is exposed to drugs will develop an addiction, not everyone that eats a Nutella crepe will develop a food addiction.
Much of the research on obesity currently, postulates that food addiction, no dissimilar than alcohol or drug addiction- is a reward system dysfunction or dysregulation, born out of genetic predisposition. It’s almost as if some brains think “if one slice of pizza feels good, how would four slices of pizza taste?”
To break these two very different parts up in a different, more basic way; our frontal cortex is the voluntary, while our midbrain is the involuntary.
This very dangerous fantasy, many people carry into weight loss surgery is a myth that I try to dispel quickly. This type of “magic bullet’ thinking is the very thing that gets so many gastric bypass and sleeve patients into trouble years down the road. No one wants to look at triggers. No one wants to sit with a therapist and devise a strategic coping plan. We want a pill, a surgery, a 16 minute solution to a 40 year old problem.
This is not to say that weight loss surgery is not a solution, just that its only part of the solution.

Despite our best intentions, we are still in some ways animalistic, hedonically-driven to feed our most basic impulses. This is part and parcel of why recidivism is the rule not the exception when it comes to recovery from most addiction. So what does this mean? Are all weight loss surgery patients destined for disappointment and disenchantment when the WLS honeymoon ends? No. But the answer to long term change lies more in two-pronged approach to long term weight loss success; surgery + behavioral change.
Simply thinking ourself slim is a fantasy. Think about your specific triggers for eating. For some it is that golden hour when all the kids are in bed and Narcos is queued up on your Netflix. For others it is that 2-3pm mid day slump. For some - it is when they are alone, the only time they can eat with abandon free from others’ judgement or their own embarrassment.
Whatever your triggers- the key is to identify what need is being met in that moment and to find a non-food alternative to meet each particular need ( many people have multiple triggers for over eating). If it is because its “your time,” after the kids are in bed- maybe you invest in a foot massager, or cultivate a self care space with textures, aromatherapy, candles, and books. If your trigger is that mid day slump, maybe you develop a yoga routine easily done in the office to help re-energize you. If it is the secretive quality to the trigger of being alone and eating, maybe it is finding another thing that is just your own that no one knows (going to a movie in the middle of the day, getting an overly priced facial on your lunch hour, playing hooky with your kid one day, etc).
The rule of the brain is : what fires together, wires together. So over time- if you have paired 8pm, Narcos, and nachos- you have created a neurological super highway. The moment 8pm rolls around, you are likely already getting the chips ready and didn’t even realize the thought pathway that just occurred. The idea is to repair our triggers with alternative behaviors and over time “clip those wires” or create “toll roads” to our superhighways (aka neurosynaptic pruning), so that we no longer experience such strong urges and can call upon the higher structures of our frontal cortex to guide the way again.
When we are in the midst of addiction, it is important to understand that our frontal cortex is not at the wheel. It has been duck taped and tied to a chair in the basement by our hedonic midbrain who is used to getting what it wants when it wants it. The closer we come to accepting this principle, the closer we come to being more mindful of our midbrain’s powerful rationalizations and sick contracts and see them for just that. We are better able to dis-identify from the thought, knowing it is not coming from our best self, but from our most carnal self.
Think of that distant cousin that only shows up when they need something, the Uncle Eddy that tells you he’ll move the RV when he leaves next month, indifferent to how it makes you feel. Except in addiction- that distant cousin has taken over, pretending its you until you can no longer tell the difference.
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The good news is weight loss plateaus usually happen after you have lost a significant amount of weight—so congratulations!
During your post-op weight loss, the body will eventually need a ‘time out” to stabilize itself and adjust to your lower nutrition intake, smaller size and increased calorie burn due to exercise.
It can happen at any time in your weight loss journey, but is particularly common 3-6 months after bariatric surgery.
Generally, stalls can last anywhere from a few days to a few weeks, even though you’re staying on track. Expect from one to three plateaus in the first year following weight loss surgery.
WHY DO WEIGHT LOSS STALLS HAPPEN?
You can blame your body’s metabolism—
When you lose weight rapidly, you are losing lean body mass (muscle) and fat. Muscle plays a big part in the burning of calories by keeping your metabolic rate high, so you want to hold onto muscle and strive to build more! (This is one of the reasons we ask you to take in so much protein).
A weight-loss plateau usually occurs when your metabolism slows down. Now that you’re thinner, the activities you’re performing may not be resulting in as much caloric burning.
An increased metabolic rate is not the only reason for keeping muscle. You want to keep muscle so you can use them to exercise and burn even more calories. Weak muscles make exercise more difficult, so build muscle with strength training and cardio workouts.
EIGHT TIPS TO OVERCOME BARIATRIC WEIGHT LOSS PLATEAUS AND BOOST METABOLISM
1. Increase the intensity of your exercise.
2. Weigh yourself less often.
3. Keep food journaling to ensure there are no negative nutrition issues creeping in.
4. Eat all that protein to help retain muscle, even in shake form.
6. Drink 64 ounces every day.
7. Sleep eight hours nightly and keep a set schedule, even on weekends.
8. Talk to your bariatric team during the plateau for an added level of support and guidance.
KEEP IN MIND…
If you are weight training, consider that muscle weighs more than fat; while you are building muscle, you are still losing inches (girth) even though if it isn’t reflected in pounds lost.
USE YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK
Remember there are several layers of people supporting you during your road back to good health:
Your doctor Bariatric dietitians and nutritionists Family Friends Colleagues Live and online support groups. (They understand more than anyone!) If a plateau lasts more than a few weeks and you haven't contacted your bariatric surgeon yet, make an appointment for an ASAP visit to rule out any issues.
Meanwhile, stay positive and celebrate how far you have come in a short time.
This is a very brief traffic jam on your highway to success.

Freedom from Medical Chains
Medical benefits are probably most closely related to weight loss, but they are still worth noting as a “side” benefit of Weight Loss Surgery. As you lose weight, you may have improvements in blood sugar control, blood pressure, and cholesterol levels. You may have less joint and back pain. You may have fewer trips to the doctor, and be able to take fewer medications.
Better Sleep
Never underestimate the power of sleep! Losing weight can help you sleep more deeply so you feel better all day, every day. Your sleep can improve as you feel more comfortable in bed, and if you had sleep apnea that goes away or diminishes with weight loss. Just think how good life could be if you did not have to did not have to use a CPAP machine!
New Food Finds
Strange but true…there is a whole food world aside from burgers, burritos, fries, and bagels. Who knew that you might end up loving to start your day with oatmeal cottage cheese protein pancakes? Your favorite snack could turn out to be kale chips with parmesan. Dinner might be roasted cauliflower with grilled salmon – something you might never have considered when your go-to was mac and cheese from a box.
Sure, you might miss a few foods, but you might notice that you are loving all kinds of new health foods, and the way they make you feel. On top of it, eating slowly can help you savor each bite and enjoy the textures and flavors more.
Saving Money
Saving money probably was not your main reason for considering weight loss surgery, especially if your insurance is not footing the bill. Still, Weight Loss Surgery could be a financial gain in the long run as you consider some potential savings.
Lower medical bills for doctors’ visits, prescription medications, and complications such as complications of diabetes. Fewer sick days taken from work. Lower food bills as you eat less and potentially eat more homemade food. Fewer “extras,” such as higher prices of plus-sized clothing or needing to reserve two seats on a plane. More Meaningful Relationships
Were your relationships built around food before Weight Loss Surgery? Did you consider your friends your best eating buddies, with each of your meetings at a restaurant or each other’s houses for a (unhealthy) meal? Weight loss surgery frees you up to explore other interests. Deepen your relationships with your friends as you walk together or meet at museums or other sights instead of depending on food to bring you together. And, if you do meet for a meal or snack, feel good knowing you can focus on the conversation as you eat slowly.
Confidence
Ultimately, weight loss surgery is for you, and you can benefit inside as you look better on the outside. You can gain confidence from your new looks, maybe as you fit into clothes you love, or you see a few muscles popping out. Confidence also comes from your achievements. If you can do something as hard as going through Weight Loss Surgery and sticking to all those healthy lifestyle changes, you can do pretty much anything you set your mind to.
Energy
Energy is a wonderful thing, but it may be in short supply when you are carrying around extra pounds. Lose a few, and you might feel your endurance explode. You can keep up with your kids, enjoy a day at the mall or beach, and go on vacations. Getting through the work day can be easier. Life is better all around when you have energy.
Bariatric surgery is a weight loss tool, and it is so much more. Use it properly, and you can make great gains in many areas of your life. Part 2 of the series – to be published soon – will discuss ways to get what you deserve – maximum gains from Weight Loss Surgery!

Let me speak to the shock part first. Yes, I drank - a lot – in college. So did everyone else I knew. So did everyone in my family. In fact, most of the people in my family drank a whole lot more than I ever did! After I got married, I quit drinking on a regular basis. When I did drink after that, I usually drank to get drunk – true. It’s also true that I drank less after I got married because I started taking codeine – very rarely, at first – for bad migraine headaches. Over time, however, I took it daily because codeine helped me to not feel. Anything. At most, I took maybe three in a day. I thought addicts took lots and lots of pills!
So when I was given the alcohol and drug addiction screening, I was certain I wouldn’t meet any criteria for alcoholic, and most definitely not for drug addict. Well, I got one heck of a case of the “Yeah buts…” in a hurry when the therapist said, after scoring my test, “Connie – you’re an alcoholic and a drug addict.” As she talked to me about the items that indicated addiction on the test, every one of my responses to her started with, “Yeah, but…” For example, “Yeah, but I could have answered that question either way.” “Yeah, but I don’t drink nearly as much as most of the people I know, especially the people in my family.” “Yeah, but, drug addicts take a lot of pills throughout the day.” “Yeah, but I was able to take care of my kids and work and go to school.” “Yeah, but I’ve never been in trouble with the law.”
When I had exhausted all the “Yeah, buts” I could think of, imagine or create, I got quiet and let it sink in. I am an addict. And then I felt it. Relief. It made sense.
What made sense to me about my being an addict is understanding, for the first time, the reasons I continued to do things that went against my own values. I started to understand the reasons I did things I said I would never do. It began to make sense that things I promised I would stop doing seemed impossible to stop doing.
I am an addict. I have a disease that “hijacks” the brain. When I am in active addiction of any kind: the disease of addiction that affects my brain doesn’t allow me to listen to reason but stays locked in denial mode the disease of addiction that affects my emotions keeps me in a protective mode so I defend myself by blaming other people and things for my behavior the disease of addiction that affects my spiritual self says, “do what feels good in the moment” and hides the part of me that says, “what I value is good and decent” the disease of addiction that affects my social self, brings out the loud, obnoxious, hurtful voice I am capable of using the disease of obesity that affects my physical being takes dangerous risks, eats poorly, doesn’t exercise and doesn’t care Accepting the truth that I am an addict was a relief. NOT AN EXCUSE. I understood my poor choices better. It made sense that it was so difficult for me to follow through with the convictions I made to myself and the promises I made to others. I began to understand why my behaviors went against the person I wanted to be. Addiction is a brain sickness and a soul sickness. And a protector. All at the same time.
Food, alcohol, shopping, pain medication, and other things I engaged in addictively protected me from my feelings. That is what I wanted most of all. To not feel. I didn’t want to feel the reality of my sadness, my anger, my pain and my shame. The trade-off for not feeling was to use addictive substances/behaviors and betray myself by doing things I was embarrassed about, ashamed of, and seemingly unable to control.
Being an addict was in no way an excuse for the behaviors I engaged in. It’s very uncool to use being an addict as a way to avoid taking responsibility. “I danced with the boss’s husband at the holiday party. What can say – I was drunk.” NOT COOL. “I told her off but she had it coming and besides – I was drunk and couldn’t keep my mouth shut.” NOT COOL.
For food addicts, it is similarly bogus to make excuses for overeating because the kids were acting up, you were late for work and got yelled at, your mother was sick, or your spouse ticked you off.
Each one of us is 100% responsible for our behavior – even if we have addictions. If we have an addiction, once we realize that truth, we are responsible for getting help and learning healthy ways to deal whatever life brings us. We are responsible for learning to deal with our feelings in appropriate ways. We are responsible for learning to work through losses, past abuse or neglect, present hardships, frustrations with family and friends, and all of life’s realities. Without the use of addictive chemicals or actions.
The addictive substance or behavior, whatever it is, isn’t the problem. Sure, alcohol is a problem for alcoholics. Certain foods are problems for food addicts. Shopping is a problem for shopaholics. But those are only the surface problems. Addictive substances and behaviors are symptoms of the real problems, which are almost always rooted in shame: “I’m not good enough.” That shame stems from many possible places.
To treat addictions, we must first remove the substance or behavior. No, one cannot eliminate food from their life. But they can eliminate the food(s) that cause them problems. Once we are free of chemicals or the addictive behaviors, we can work on the real problems and choose who we want to be. When we don’t “use,” our actions can reflect our values.
“Connie – you’re an addict.” WHAT A RELIEF! I understood why I couldn’t STOP doing things I didn’t really want to do. I finally knew there was hope. I knew I could learn to live life in healthy ways and according to my values. But I first had to be willing to live without the addictive chemicals and behaviors.
So I needed help. I couldn’t do it alone. And I didn’t have to. Together, we can support one another into a life of RECOVERY.
What a relief!

The Right Mindset for Smart Decisions
It is no surprise that you are at your best when you are rested, relaxed, and confident. That goes for almost every aspect of your life, and it holds true for weight loss. Thinking clearly lets you “weigh” the consequences of the hard-boiled egg versus the French fries for a snack so you can see the benefits of choosing the egg for weight loss outweigh the benefits of choosing the fries for a few minutes of pleasure.
Self-confidence also lets you make the right choices. When you are confident, you know that you have the power to choose. You realize that are not a victim of circumstances, and you do not need to eat something just because it is available to you. You know that you have the power to say no to the things you should not eat, and the power to find the things you should.
Better Sleep, Better Choices
Sleep is not just a luxury to feel guilty about. Adequate sleep may be the missing key to your weight loss program. When you get enough sleep, you have lower levels of a hormone called ghrelin. Ghrelin makes you hungry, and less ghrelin helps keep hunger in check. Getting enough sleep also lowers carb and sugar cravings and gives you the strength to make rational decisions. Think protein and veggies, not potato chips and cookies.
Stress, Hormones, and Your Weight
In addition to your daily choices, there are behind-the-scenes factors that can cause weight gain when you are stressed. Hormones affect your metabolism and can cause weight gain when they are not balanced. Too much stress, for example, raises levels of a hormone called cortisol. Cortisol increases raise your hunger levels, which can lead to you overeat. It also affects your fat storage. You might gain more fat in your abdominal area, which is a health risk for diabetes, heart disease, and more.
Tips for Chilling Out
The first trick for relaxing is to get over your guilt. It is not only okay to kick back, but it is healthy. It may be surprisingly tough when you are out of practice, though. Here are some ideas for stepping back from your busy life and giving your mind a chance to recover for a healthier body.
Set aside 10 minutes for yourself every day. Meditate, take a bath, read, or do something else that is just for you. Get more sleep if you find yourself waking up tired or struggling to get through the day. Exercise most days. A quiet stroll on the beach or a hike may seem like out-of-reach dreams, but any exercise helps clear your mind. Restorative yoga, a cycling class, and home exercise DVDs all do the trick. Stretch. It loosens your muscles and gives you a chance to think through your day. Weight loss surgery success takes a lot of hard work, but there are some ways to get more bang for your buck without working harder. Take a chill pill, and you might find that the extra relaxation gives you the strength and stamina to lose more weight.

Addiction gets such a bad rap societally. It is one of the most difficult things to recover from, yet it is so socially stigmatized that we don’t often talk about it freely.

Food addiction is the most difficult addiction, in my opinion. Think about it:
what other addiction do you have to wear on your sleeve?
Alcoholics can drink to excess without anyone being the wiser. Pain pill addictions go unnoticed for years. Even people with addictions to cocaine, methamphetamines, and other hard drugs can go unnoticed for years. Gambling and sex addicts also go freely into society everyday without anyone raising as much as an eyebrow.

In addition to having to “wear their addictions on their sleeves,” - food addicts can’t ever have the luxury of quitting “cold turkey.” We can’t quit food. In OA they say, with drug and alcohol addiction recovery- you slay the dragon, with food addiction recovery- you still have to take it for a walk three times a day.

This is why understanding why we eat vs. just focusing on what we eat is so paramount in re-establishing a healthy relationship with food. If you’d like to take my free online course that helps you with this very concept, click here.

Author Laura McKowen talks about the concept of the “pregnancy principle,” when people are recovering from alcohol addiction. She talks about the idea that when a woman is pregnant it is societally acceptable to say “no” at any time. A woman can go to a party for a mere 15 minutes and say “hey I’m really tired, I think I am going to go home now,” and everyone responds with “of course, you need the rest,” or “you are caring for two now- you have to listen to your body.”

So why can’t one treat themselves with the same courtesy when recovering from food addiction. If you are at a party that has a bunch of triggering foods, a co-worker’s birthday party, a potluck, a restaurant where everyone has decided to order dessert- why does it feel so unacceptable to say “hey guys thanks for the great time, but I’m going to head home now.”

This is much in part due to inherent shame surrounding addiction. One feels that they should just be able to be like everyone else. Yet study after study has shown there are key genetic factors that often play into overeating, food addiction, and obesity.


We shouldn’t have to have another person inside of us to give ourselves permission to take care of ourselves.
Aren’t you enough?
Whether you are in the beginning stages of your weight loss surgery, or 6 years post- this month, try to look at your recovery the same way a pregnant woman looks at taking care of herself. If you know something is going to be too triggering, not fun, exhausting, mentally draining- either bow out politely, or go for a short period of time and excuse yourself when you’re no longer feeling it.

If you are interested in receiving more free weight loss help with the psychological part of recovery, please check out my free course here.