Jump to content
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!


LAP-BAND Patients
  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by HeatherGurl

  1. HeatherGurl


    A lot of people cancel last minute... Just make sure they know how important it is for you to have this done, and that you would be there in 10 minutes if someone cancels.
  2. There was an old married couple that had lived happily together for nearly forty years. The only friction in their marriage was caused by the husband's habit of breaking wind nearly every morning as he awoke. The noise would always wake up his wife and the smell would cause her eyes to Water as she would choke and gasp for air. Nearly every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping such nasty farts. He told her that he couldn't help it. She begged him to see a doctor to see if anything could be done, but the husband wouldn't hear of it. He told her that it was just a natural bodily function and then he would laugh in her face as she tried to wave the fumes away with her hands. She told him that there was nothing natural about it and if he didn't stop, he was one day going to "fart his guts out." The years went by and the wife continued to suffer and the husband continued to ignore her warnings about "farting his guts out" until one Thanksgiving morning. Before dawn, the wife went downstairs to prepare the family feast. She fixed pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, gravy and of course a turkey. While she was taking out the turkey's innards, a thought occurred to the wife as to how she might solve her husband's problem. With a devilish grin on her face, she placed the turkey guts into a bowl and quietly walked upstairs hours before her flatulent husband would awake. While he was still soundly asleep, she pulled back the covers and then gently pulled back her husband's jockey shorts. She then placed all of the turkey guts into her husband's underwear, pulled them up, replaced the covers and tiptoed back downstairs to finish preparing the family meal. Several hours later she heard her husband awake with his normal loud ass-trumpeting. This was soon followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as her husband ran to the upstairs bathroom. The wife could not control herself and her eyes began to tear up as she rolled on the floor laughing. After years of putting up with him, she had finally gotten even! About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror in his eyes. She bit her lip to keep from laughing and she asked him what was wrong. He said, "Honey, you were right - all those years you warned me and I didn't listen to you" "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well you always told me that I would end up farting my guts out one of these days and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God and these two fingers,... I think I got'em all back in!!!"
  3. HeatherGurl

    What do you do if you slime or get stuck?

    Definitely DO NOT DRINK anything.... I thought that would help... It makes it 10 times worse... Just eat slowly and as soon as you get the feeling to stop, do it.
  4. HeatherGurl

    Does the band work? YOU ANSWER!

    Those pictures show how far you have come!!! You look great!!!!!
  5. HeatherGurl

    Fun Thread - Hot Boss Contest

    Your boss is SUPER HOT!!! How do you get any work done?
  6. HeatherGurl

    Almost to my first goal!

    I got on the scale this morning and I am 301!!!!! I can't believe that I am almost under 300!!! It has been so long... I will be doing a happy dance when that scale say "2-anything" :banana :banana :banana :banana :banana :banana
  7. HeatherGurl

    Friday's Funny

    I am LMAO!!!! That is great! Sending it to everyone I know.
  8. HeatherGurl

    How did you feel immediately after surgery?

    I completely agree!!! This should be a piece of cake for you!
  9. HeatherGurl

    How did you feel immediately after surgery?

    My Dr. sent me home with a prescription for liquid Lortab. (I think that is how you spell it) I took them, because I didn't want the pain to come. I had horrible gas pains from when they blow you up in surgery. That lasted a week and a half, but it was bearable. I had surgery on Wednesday and went back to my desk job on Monday. I was still groggy from the anthesia... but I was feeling excellent by Friday. This whole ordeal was a lot less painful than birthing a 9 lb baby... If I can get thru that, I can get thru anything. The first couple of days, I took it easy, so I would say movement is restricted. I think a week off from work will be plenty, but it all depends on the person. Let us know if you have any more questions.
  10. My gas pains in my shoulder didn't fully go away until 1 1/2 post op. I too, was doing a lot more than I probably should have. Check with your doctor if you have any questions at all, they have heard it all and will set your mind at ease immediately.
  11. I have a shake for breakfast every morning... For a meal replacement... Then my other 2 small meals... I was also scared to move to solids this week, but just take your time and chew, chew, chew. Also, I wouldn't suggest trying a steak on day one, from what I hear, steak is a lot harder to liquidfy in your mouth.
  12. HeatherGurl

    who else is frozen??

    I am in South Texas and yesterday and today I just don't know what to do it is SO cold!!! The high yesterday was 38!!!! And I don't think it is going to get about 40 today!!! I don't ever remember it being this cold in Houston!
  13. HeatherGurl


    Guy Goes To A Supermarket And Notices A Beautiful Blonde Wave At Him And Say's Hello. He's Rather Taken Aback, Because He Can't Place Where He Knows Her From, So He Says "do You Know Me?" To Which She Replies "i Think Your The Father Of One Of My Kids." Now He Thinks Back To The Only Time He Has Ever Been Unfaithful To His Wife And Says, "my God, Are You The Stripper From My Bachelor Party That I Laid On The Pool Table With, All My Buddies Watching, While Your Partner Whipped My Arse With Wet Celery And Then Stuck A Carrot Up My Butt?". She Said "no, I'm Your Sons Math Teacher."
  14. HeatherGurl

    Does It Ever Sneak Up On You?

    In the same boat as you! I really take my time between bites. I will take a bite and then think I "need" more... then I will take another, and up it comes or here comes horrible pain. I guess it is just a process of learning and slowing down.
  15. HeatherGurl

    New with questions

    Hi Stepanie~ I have not heard of Dr. Wilson. My Dr. is Dr. Spivak in Houston. He required us to go to his seminar before he would even meet with us. It was SO informative!!! He gave the seminar and let us ask as many questions as we wanted. Check out his website for more info www.bandmd.com Even if you are going to use another DR, his site has good info on the procedure and rules to follow. There are probably 10 of us here at work that use Dr. Spivak. He was the first surgeon to perform the lap band in Texas and he worked with the FDA to get it approved! His office is very helpful. I have never had surgery and was scared about the pain, but this was a cake walk. I was sore for about a week, but I went back to my desk job after 5 days. Feel free to email me or PM me if you have any more questions.
  16. HeatherGurl

    Picture Page

    Awesome pics!!! You and hubby look great together!
  17. HeatherGurl

    Who are the MALES in here

    Love this thread!!! Keep on posting guys!
  18. HeatherGurl

    Picture Page

    Your eyes are identical! So pretty!!! She is definitely a cutie!
  19. HeatherGurl

    Picture Page

    Isn't she cute?
  20. HeatherGurl

    Picture Page

    Here is my baby girl!!! 7 months old.
  21. HeatherGurl


    My Dr. told me to take Flintstones chewable vitamins. I am also taking Chewable Vitamin C's because I seem to get colds all the time. Both are the off-brand from Wal-Mart. I take 2,000 to 3,000 mg a day when I am sick of the C's.
  22. HeatherGurl

    7th day and still shoulder pain

    ladysplenda~ Are you still taking your GasX? I didn't think it was helping me... but when I stopped taking it, the pains were worse! It will get better! I am 4 weeks out today, and that horrible pain is now a distant memory.
  23. HeatherGurl

    Newbie from Houston

    Welcome to LBT!!! Good Luck with everything and keep up posted! Congrats on your upcoming marriage!
  24. Cheri~ You crack me up! Congrats on your band!

PatchAid Vitamin Patches