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acuri08

Pre Op
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About acuri08

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    Intermediate Member

About Me

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    Female

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  1. I'm almost afraid to say it, but at the same time I feel like I need to go outside and shout it from the roof tops! I feel amazing! I am an entirely new person. These first two months from surgery have been the most trying time in my entire life. Most days I couldn't get out of bed, and I wanted nothing more than to lay there and die. I struggled for the first month with muscle pain so severe I couldn't move. After that I struggled debilitating nausea. It got so bad that I hadn't eaten in over a month. On the rare occasion I would try the food would come right back up. Early last week it got so bad that I could no longer keep down water. At this point I had been in the hospital 5 times for dehydration and different tests. I was taking protonix, Zofran, scopolamine patches, Reglan, and I was wearing sea bands for motion sickness. None of these things could even take the edge off my nausea. My CT and my Upper GI were clear. My surgeons team kept telling me jit was all in my head. I was so severely depressed and felt like I had no where to go. I was beginning my surgeon for an EDG and she was refusing to give me one. After being unable to keep water down for two days I went back to the ER and finally demanded I get the care I deserved. I was not going to leave there without answers. I was immediately admitted upon arrival where they found that my potassium levels were dangerously low. Lower than they have ever seen. I was given 6 bags of potassium and countless bags of fluid to clear the dehydration. I also demanded the do the scope. The scope found slight narrowing that was able to be fixed on the spot. I don't know if it's the scope or the fluids, or potassium that cured me, but whatever it was I finally have my life back. I wake up ready to live every single day! I'm taking half the anti depressants I was before. I hated hated hated hated hated hearing people say it gets better. I was so convinced there was no way out for me. I would lay in bed waiting to die. But it got better. It got so much better. I am living breathing proof that it can all change. I encourage anyone struggling the way I did to advocate for themselves, the doctors and surgeons won't do it for you. I still can't say I would do this all over again, currently I am still too traumatized, but I have learned so much from this surgery. I had this surgery for myself and it was like I had forgotten that after surgery. I needed to still be fighting for myself. I know this is long but I just hope my story can help.
  2. I just want to thank every one here for there support. As of Thursday evening my story has completely changed. I will post a copy on this topic. I'm almost afraid to say it, but at the same time I feel like I need to go outside and shout it from the roof tops! I feel amazing! I am an entirely new person. These first two months from surgery have been the most trying time in my entire life. Most days I couldn't get out of bed, and I wanted nothing more than to lay there and die. I struggled for the first month with muscle pain so severe I couldn't move. After that I struggled debilitating nausea. It got so bad that I hadn't eaten in over a month. On the rare occasion I would try the food would come right back up. Early last week it got so bad that I could no longer keep down Water. At this point I had been in the hospital 5 times for dehydration and different tests. I was taking protonix, Zofran, scopolamine Patches, Reglan, and I was wearing sea bands for motion sickness. None of these things could even take the edge off my nausea. My CT and my Upper GI were clear. My surgeons team kept telling me jit was all in my head. I was so severely depressed and felt like I had no where to go. I was beginning my surgeon for an EDG and she was refusing to give me one. After being unable to keep water down for two days I went back to the ER and finally demanded I get the care I deserved. I was not going to leave there without answers. I was immediately admitted upon arrival where they found that my potassium levels were dangerously low. Lower than they have ever seen. I was given 6 bags of potassium and countless bags of Fluid to clear the dehydration. I also demanded the do the scope. The scope found slight narrowing that was able to be fixed on the spot. I don't know if it's the scope or the fluids, or potassium that cured me, but whatever it was I finally have my life back. I wake up ready to live every single day! I'm taking half the anti depressants I was before. I hated hated hated hated hated hearing people say it gets better. I was so convinced there was no way out for me. I would lay in bed waiting to die. But it got better. It got so much better. I am living breathing proof that it can all change. I encourage anyone struggling the way I did to advocate for themselves, the doctors and surgeons won't do it for you. I still can't say I would do this all over again, currently I am still too traumatized, but I have learned so much from this surgery. I had this surgery for myself and it was like I had forgotten that after surgery. I needed to still be fighting for myself. I know this is long but I just hope my story can help.
  3. Before I tell you why my life was ruined, I first need to tell you about who I was before surgery. Unlike most stories you hear, I had not struggled with my weight my entire life. Sure, I was a few pounds overweight most of the time, but I didn't really gain my weight until I turned 18. At the age of 15 I met my fiancé, however we didn't start dating until my late 17’s. When we started dating, eventually becoming more serious, we ate out every single meal. If we were eating together, you could bet it would be out. To make matters worse, it was almost always Pasta and breadsticks at Olive Garden. Adding insult to injury, I took a night shift desk job with a security company working from 6pm until 6am. My eating schedule was never normal, and take out Chinese and fast food were staples on my work shift. Suddenly, three years later, I had gained 100 pounds. Thats a lot of weight to put on so fast. I never really tried to lose weight, even on my pre-op diet. It was always tomorrow, and I was always too busy, or too stressed. Almost everyone has tried to lose weight before having weight loss surgery. They have all put in some effort, but not me. This was my first, and biggest mistake when I decided it was time to lose weight. My grandmother, my mother, and my aunt have all had gastric bypass surgery. I am not sure of exactly when for each of them, but if I remember correctly my grandmothers was 30 years ago, my mothers was 6 years ago, and my aunts was 8. I wasn't around for my grandmothers, and surgery was a lot different back then, so it is quite hard to compare myself too, but I have seen the struggles she still has 30 years later. As for my mother and my aunt, aside from my fiancé, they are the two people I am closest too in this world. I stayed with my aunt after her surgery, and of course was with my mother after hers. Being a young teenager through them both, I was so jealous. Here were these two, “taking the easy way out” and I had to lose my 8 pounds of extra weight the hard way. I would dare someone to say to my face that gastric bypass surgery is the easy way out. Seriously, I would land in jail and there is no way around it. How could I ever, ever, ever, even in my silly teenage brain, think that this was the easy way out. My mom had pneumonia and was re-hospitalized and my aunt had issues with scar tissue and a stricture, but my teenage brain said well look how easy this is. Part of my problem going into surgery was I really didn't remember the struggles my family members faced. Today, my mom and my aunt eat like normal people, and they have for a long time. Honestly, I cant remember who they were right after surgery, but I don't remember them being the person that I am after surgery. My insurance requirements for surgery were; a 6 month supervised diet (didn’t have to lose, just couldn't gain), an upper GI, a nutritionist evaluation, a psychological evaluation, and an EKG. It sounds like a lot, but I literally had one meeting with the nutritionist, and a half hour meeting with a psychologist whom I have never met. How I passed that psych eval is beyond me. What could the criteria have possibly been to pass? I can assure you whatever it was, I shouldn't have met it. I WAS NOT READY FOR THIS SURGERY! Of course, I didn't see that then. Hindsight really is 20/20. Before surgery, I had no co-morbidities, not even one. I had my surgery on 1/13/2016, 6 weeks ago. Before you tell me it gets better, don’t. Seriously, my mental state isn't equipped enough to hear one more person say that. I knew this surgery was going to be a physical struggle, but the physical pain does not touch the mental pain in the slightest. Physically, since surgery, I have suffered from serious muscle pain in my left side that did not go away until week four. Most people don't even have pain for half that long. I couldn't sit or stand on my own, and when walking I literally walked with a hunch. I have also developed hypoglycemia. As you remember I had no co-morbidities, so this is a hard pill to swallow. The desire to eat is gone, now being forced to eat consistently so I don't have a drop is physically painful. I have had constant nausea since week three. Yes, I said constant. All the Zofran in the world doesn't take away my nausea. Of course, I also have the dehydration, because that is literally a given with this surgery. I have also been experiencing some pretty extreme pain that radiates to my back, but my recent CT came back normal, so I guess thats all in my head right? Speaking of in my head, this surgery has changed me. Obviously, my insides are physically changed, but this surgery has changed who I am as a person, and I hate this new person. I can’t find joy. All I have is anger and hurt. I never used to be this person. I can’t get out of bed in the morning, I literally cannot work. It hurts so bad in my mind that I would rather be dead then continue to live in this body. I literally want to tear my skin off. I want to cut open my stomach and put my insides back to the way they originally more. I CANNOT CONTINUE LIVING LIKE THIS. I literally question how I make it through each and every day. This surgery has fucked with my head so bad that I can hardly function. I DO NOT LEAVE MY BED. I am completely dependent on my fiancé for everything. I am worthless. I have become a worthless, helpless, human being. I have been in the hospital off and on since surgery. They have upped the dosages on all my anti-depressants, and yet I lay here, my feelings becoming more severe by the day. My only hope now is to get a reversal. I have yet to see my surgeon, because she never happens to be rounding when I have visited or been admitted. I see her this Thursday and all I can do is hope that she sees the urgency and the need to reverse my surgery. I just need her to see the pain inside me that is literally eating me alive. I need her to understand the life or death situation that this is for me. I cannot be this person anymore. I do not wish to scare, or deter anyone from having this surgery. I know it is right for a lot of people, but it’s wrong for some people too. I don’t care how mentally prepared you think you are, please seek out more mental preparation. I would never wish these feelings that I have upon anyone. No one should ever have to live in this kind of mental pain, with these demons. SW - 277 CW - 240
  4. acuri08

    Unrealistic expectations

    I also found out yesterday that I now suffer from hypoglycemia. This has been the biggest struggle yet. I have to eat every 3 hours or I get sick, but I have no desire to eat that often. It's a double edged sword. I have had several scary episodes. I now struggle with the fact that I had no pre existing conditions before surgery, and now I had elective surgery that has cause hypoglycemia. I hope it's not a forever thing, as it goes away for some people. It's been quite a hard adjustment.
  5. My expectations for the amount of weight I will lose, or how fast I will lost it have never been unrealistic. I didn't get fat overnight and I know I won't get healthy overnight either. My expectations for how I would feel after surgery where apparently completely off! I am 12 days post op and I have yet to be happy about my surgery. I went into this journey thinking my pain after surgery would be minimal, and that my desire for pizza, bagels, and brownie batter would just disappear. Why? I have no idea. It sounds really stupid when I say it. I just saw all these people posting on forums about all their success right out of the gate and thought, wow this is great. To make matters worse I have watched three of my family members have the surgery and struggle. My grandmother had serious complications and almost died. My aunt had a blockage and a lot of issues with scar tissue. My mom had pneumonia and ended up back in the hospital. Yet, despite seeing there struggles I thought this was going to be a piece of cake recovery. I have struggled with the pain since day 1. Still now I can hardly walk because it feels like my left side is physically tearing open and it burns like no ones business. I also had a pretty bad allergic reaction to the steri strips. All of my incisions are swollen like golf balls and red and itchy. In addition to my pain I still struggle with my desire for food. I even desire foods I never would have wanted before. I am guilty of licking a French fry and nibbling a cookie. They weren't even satisfying. Food was a hobby for me as well as my fiancé. Of course he is one of those people who can eat What he wants and not gain weight. I find myself struggling because I am stuck in bed and I'm bored and all that does is make me want to eat, because eating is something to do. I thought having the surgery would cure my food cravings for the fear of getting sick, but I was so wrong! My head was not in the right place before surgery, my expectations where way off. I think it's important to share these struggles because more times than not the things we read are about success. Everyone would rather share their success than their struggles. No one likes admitting they nibbled a cookie or licked a French fry, it makes us feel weak. I also think people struggle to share these things because of the backlash. I have read people sharing that they messed up and that they just want to get back on track and then people comment things like, "SMH, I can't believe you would risk ruining your tool." It saddens me to see that even with the overwhelming support from others, there are some out there who have had the surgery and feel that their success gives them the right to bash people for their mistakes. I have asked myself daily why I couldn't just do this the easy way, diet and exercise. Why did I have to put myself through this pain. Of course everyone out there who hasn't had surgery considers surgery the easy way, but it really is the hardest thing to do to yourself, for yourself. Before writing this I had a moment where I felt good about my decision. I saw a picture of my 16 year old cousin in a bathing suit, she in no way has the perfect body but she is healthy and gorgeous. I thought about how this temporary pain will allow me to be healthy like her someday and I smiled for the first time since surgery. I am not at a point where I would encourage people to have surgery, but I in no way would ever want to discourage someone from having it. I have struggled with depression and very high anxiety for a long time. My depression is well managed by medication, and my anxiety although medicated has always still been a huge battle. I don't see a psychologist and I know I should. Before my surgery I did the bare minimum required to be approved, including one visit with the psychologist for bariatrics. My biggest advice to anyone who wants or needs surgery is to really commit to therapy first. My biggest mistake was not taking the time to do that for myself. I have the hugest support system. Most people don't have nearly the amount of people helping them physically and mentally that I do. Despite all this support therapy is still necessary. First thing tomorrow morning I am calling to get myself the psychological help I need for this journey. It's a disservice to myself not too. It's hard to not have unrealistic expectations seeing the stories of other people, but we are all individuals and we are all different. To all those currently struggling with me and all those who struggle in the future I hope you find your way as I am slowly doing. I know what it feels like to be alone regardless of the support around you. I did not require a preop diet. Highest weight and surgery weight was 277. Current weight 12 days post op is 255.
  6. I am 11 days post op and for the past two days I have had a diarrhea. It only happened once each day, and wasn't after eating, more like hours after having a meal. I'm on puréed diet right now. Does this sound like dumping even though so far after eating? Or more like my body is just regulating from after surgery? Also should mention I had IBS-D before surgery that was almost chronic since directly related to my anxiety.
  7. acuri08

    Muscle Pain

    Min was laperscopic 5 days ago.
  8. Please can anyone tell me when the muscle pain from them cutting through my stomach will go away?! It hurts so much to go from sitting to standing and to sit down to pee.
  9. Please can anyone tell me when the muscle pain from them cutting through my stomach will go away?! It hurts so much to go from sitting to standing and to sit down to pee.
  10. acuri08

    January Surgery Dates!

    January 13th here!
  11. Hi all! I am excited to announce that I have gotten approved by insurance for my surgery date of January 13, 2016. Now that I have insurance approval I can finally breathe for the first time since starting this journey. My current weight is 277 and I am a 5'4, 21 year old female. I love reading other people's success stories hoping that I too can be successful. This may sound crazy, but my surgeon does not require a preop diet. I just can't eat after midnight the night before. I feel like I am already cheating by not needing the diet. Now that my surgery is less than a month away I am trying to be more conscious of my eating habits, and I'm trying to refrain from drinking water while eating (which for me is literally impossible). I plan to blog throughout my journey at gastricbypass2015.wordpress.com. Hopefully, readers can hold me accountable to that. I would love to talk to anyone on here about their journeys, especially young people like myself. Everyone says my skin will bounce back because I am young, who knows how true that really is, but I am curious to know. Good luck to all those pre and post op on their new leases on life.
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