hubbywife

I'm in. Actively losing. I will post numbers on 22nd.
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March 3rd for me

March 3rd for me

Wow these threads crack me up. I feel like I am back in high school reading stuff that people post. I havent even had surgery yet but joined this site to see how others adapt and succeed. Instead I see so much negativity and bullying. These are the same people I tell my 21 yr old daughter to avoid. But I think I am going to take a break and find a more positive site as well. I understand that these are people opinions and every one has one but we are also adults and should treat one another as such. I'm really hoping that these are trolls that I am referring to because if they aren't, then there are a lot of unhappy people on this site!

So I met with my surgeon today and asked if it is possible to stretch the sleeve. Her response was "absolutely, you can stretch your sleeve." She went on to say that is how patients gain weight back along with outeating the sleeve. She stated that is why it is important to eat only specified amounts and that some doesn't think 3oz of food will fill you up when in reality it will.
But that people are so use to eating more and have a hard time believing that they will be full with such a minimum amount. However, I didn't ask how much it can stretch. It appears that doctors/people take on this topic varies. So since I trust my surgeon, I will take heed to what she says and try to follow the guidelines as closely as possible to insure that I am able to get to my goal weight and successfully maintain. Last thing I want to hear a few years down the line is "I told you so!"

Well my husband brought this home so it's a good possibility over here. Lord, give me strength!! I think he secretly hates me!!

Having been a nurse for 23 yrs, I totally get Dr. Now. He tells it like it is...because these people need to hear it! They will lie to you to your face, just like Dottie did last night. "I don't know how I didn't lose. I haven't cheated...I didn't over eat, I ate everything I was supposed to!" ... as we watched her eat those chips with supper and wash it down with a coke. He's not a dummy. He hasn't done this many surgeries to listen to lies. He knows what a person's body goes through during these procedures and it's his way of making or breaking them. You either man up and do what you were told to do for the program or get out. Yes, it's blunt, but trust me....you see through the BS and after awhile, tell it like it is.

Ok so today I went shopping because my size 12 jeans were getting fairly loose. I went to my favorite place to buy jeans since having WLS. Lucky Brand Jeans.
I grab a pair of sweet and straight jeans in a size 10 and I am grinning from ear to ear because I am confident they are going to fit and I love that feeling. I have not fit into jeans this small since I was a teenager.
I put them on and I am right! They fit fantastic! I come out of the dressing room and model for hubby who promptly says, those look a little big. Maybe you should think about a smaller size.
I the immediately say "no way!" An 8 is not going to fit me. I am honestly not sure if I have ever worn a size that small. I decide to encourage him and prove there is no way I will get them up.
I grab an 8 and head back into the dressing room. I look at this tiny pair of jeans and go, here goes nothing. They fit perfectly! I could hardly believe my eyes.
Then the sales clerk tells me that they are buy one get one half off but she says the darker dyes seem to be more forgiving so she gives me an 8 and a 6 to try on. I laughed but thought well just see how far off you are.
Well, I put the 6 on, buttoned them up and stood there in shock. Now, I didn't buy the 6 because although I could wear them, I do like my jeans to be comfortable and have a little room.
So when I started this journey I wore 24 jeans and 26/28 tops. I am now in a size 8 and a medium or large top. Sometimes I have to get the large because I have a lot of loose skin.
I cannot believe where I am today! For me, clothes shopping is when I can really see the thinner me.

Many people choose not to take responsibility for their actions. We all have experiences and stressors that affect us. Some are quite intense, but it is up to us to deal with them and take responsibility for our own actions.
I find myself going back to old habits of overeating and making less than stellar food choices many times. I have been working many long hours, there are stresses at home, my wife has never been very supportive and there have been emotionally trying events in my life, but ultimately it is up to me to deal with them in a positive way (or in the very least, in a less self-destructive way by not making these bad eating choices). I control what food I place in my mouth and the quantities. It is up to me to decide how successful I want to use this WLS tool to lose my excess weight. I noticed many people refuse to take responsibility for their actions, whether it is excess weight loss or life in general. I found an article with some nice quotes and suggestions on how we need to take responsibility for our own actions; I attached the link below: http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2009/03/13/7-timeless-thoughts-on-taking-responsibility-for-your-life/
Sometimes we need to put on our "big boy underwear" or "big girl panties" or both, if someone is a cross-dresser.

I've seen numerous posts here that run something like this:
"I've gained XX pounds. I don't understand why I've gained weight. I never overeat. I eat healthy food that's good for me. I don't binge. I estimate I'm eating XXXX calories a day, no more. Help!"
What this really means is:
"I've gained XX pounds. I have no clue how this happened, because I don't measure or weigh my food, I don't track or log my food, and I don't know how many calories or micronutrients I'm eating on a daily basis, much less over the long haul. Bottom line is I eat what I want when I want it. I'm astonished, because I expected my sleeve would stop me from gaining weight. I thought I was just supposed to eat less than I used to eat and to stop eating when I felt full and then eat more later when I didn't feel full. Oh, and since I don't weigh myself regularly, I had no idea until recently that I'd actually gained XX pounds. Help!"

I actually think I would be pissed and depressed if I went through the multiple surgeries and recovery... and ended up with those results.
I know 3 ladies that have Tummy tucks, and 2 that have had breastlift/augmentation. All of them have far superior results than what I see on the show.

Certainly, the words you recall him saying are shameful and inexcusable.
I don't know you or him, but I would ask you to consider something.
Did he really say those exact hurtful words, or was he just trying to encourage you in his own warped way?
Guys think tough love is a very loving way to motivate. I've been married 36 years and I know women beg to differ.
I also know that after 45 years of struggling with my weight, I became very sensitive to anything anyone ever said about my weight (especially my wife who seemed like she could eat anything).
As a Christian myself, let me suggest that you give him the benefit of the doubt and assume his heart is the right place, but his mouth isn't cooperating.
I would try and win him over as your biggest supporter. You just have to open up and explain to how long and hard the struggle has been (cry, guys always melt when the girl cries).
Most of all, make sure he knows exactly how much the tone of his words cut deep into your soul. Sometimes you have to hit a guy with a 2X4 - have you done that yet?
That said, I'm 4 months out of VSG and I can assure you he'll be eating his words a year from now when your Weightloss struggle is a distant memory!
Stay the damn course...

Those are some very hurtful remarks from him. He sounds kinda controlling BUT I realize there are many sides to a story. One thought that struck me is you went I to his office hoping he would reward you for losing those 10#. I lost 125# and the man I loved never said a word. If you are looking to him for that kinda "atta girl" for losing weight you are setting yourself up for disappointment.
My dad belittled us kids and one time I overhead my mother, who was normally a doormat, stand up to him. His reply was that he wanted the me to do better so I could have a better future. His idea was that if you point out people's failings, they can then improve. It all made sense to him....
I share that example because I have to believe you two were in love...pretty recently. Maybe he is embarrassed, scared, insecure - who knows - and says those things without really hearing how mean they are.
I hope you consider marriage counseling and perhaps counseling for yourself.
This weight loss thing is very emotional anyway, and at least having him not be negative would be great.
I also ask you to gently consider the impact of saying words like "I hate you" - that is strong stuff that is hard to take back.

So angry and sad. I'm recovering from a total hysterctomy and preparing to have sleeve surgery in 4 weeks, on Feb. 23rd.
My husband (new I might add, just married over a year) has been brutal towards me because of my weight gain overthe last year and half. I gained 70 lbs (again, after losing 50). This was the last time I was going to go through this. I had to gain 10 lbs to have the surgery, and I did. It was great! For the first time, I ate what I Wanted...with no guilt. I have continued to eat some healthy things and some not healthy things. And he has insulted, put me down, told me he doesn't want a fat wife...and on and on.
Today I woke up sick, with a headache, but feeling good about my body. I have lost 10 lbs after this last surgery. I thought, hey! I'm looking better. I then walked in his office to him looking disgusted, telling me I had a headache because I ate some starbursts...and essentially telling me he wasn't going to buy me any junk food. I need to be on "His plan". And he is angry at me for gainig weight, and not being an obedient wife. I was hurt, sad, enraged, and just sick of it.
I have battled my body for over 25 years, and I know this descion to have the sleeve is right, no matter what he says. It just hurts to know that the man I married, has let me know...he doesn't love me for me. He obviously married me for what I looked like. I told him tonight that I hate him, and wished I never married him. He is a preacher, and so good to other people. But, horrible to me. It sickenss me.
With bad health, and am not supporting myself. I can't leave. I feel trapped with no support or family near me.
Just wanted to vent. Also, I'm a Christian and a praying person. Please pray for healing from this surgery, and healing and help through the sleeve Surgery. Thanks

The nurses from the hospital just called to do my pre-registration. They told me where to go, what to bring, reiterated my pre-op diet of clears the day before and nothing past midnight, went over my meds, and had me pay my Tricare Standard copayment for the surgery - a whopping total of $18! W00t!!! Lol!
It feels so real now! And it's so close. 5 more days!!!!
To be honest, I'm getting a little nervous...just a little.

this is just something I found interesting. I was told by the doc and the nut from the beginning no carbonated drinks ever, it will stretch your sleeve. (not that that's what you did, just saying) from the beginning I was told that was a major deal, (stretching of the stomach. ) 5 Ways To Prevent Stretching Your New Stomach
Don’t overeat. This is the obvious one but it needs to be said. It takes more than one meal to stretch your stomach and cause issues. However, if you give yourself a big meal here or there, it will eventually get out of hand. That’s how most battles with obesity start. So, do not overeat. Even if its Thanksgiving or Christmas do not overeat. Have an extra sweet or a small portion of the scalloped potatoes – number 4 on this list should help in those situations where big meals are common. Avoid fluids during meals. Its best to avoid fluids during and right after meals. Give your stomach some time to digest the fluids separately from your food. Consider drinking your fluids an hour or two before a meal. This allows you to eat a decent amount of food without filling up on fluids and ensures that you get enough fluids throughout the day. And don’t drink carbonated (especially diet – new studies show diet drinks can increase hunger) drinks at all. They can mix with your food and create gas that can put pressure on your stomach causing it to expand unnecessarily. Snack. If you are struggling with hunger then its better to snack in-between meals than it is to go into a meal extremely hungry. When we skip a meal, such as Breakfast, its easy to get so hungry that we gorge ourselves the following meal. This is a good way to stretch your stomach. So instead, eat a snack in between meals. Try and make it a healthy snack and limit the portion size. Reward yourself with a treat rather than a large meal. Its important that you reward yourself from time to time. When our friends are eating chips and salsa or having ice cream its important to know that you can have a little bit as a treat from time to time. In fact, its important to change what you consider a treat. Its no longer OK to consider a large meal on Thanksgiving a treat. But it is ok to consider half a piece of chocolate a treat. Limit your treats to once or twice a week and keep the portion size small. Portion size is more important than nutrition. If you try to eliminate all treats and anything with fat then you are bound to fail. The key to success is moderation. That means that you shouldn’t eliminate everything good from your diet. If you do, you will probably end up cheating and then binging. Remember, food is not the enemy. Eating should be an enjoyable part of your life. The enemy is excess. Enjoy your food in moderation. Stretched Your Pouch? There Is Still HopeThe stomach is an amazing organ. It’s able to accommodate change in ways that have helped us survive for thousands of years. When food is scarce, our stomach can adjust our hunger sensors to say, ‘I’m full,’ after just a small amount of food. And, if needed, our stomach stretches to accommodate more food than is really needed. This can also be helpful when you might not know when your next meal is. However, our stomachs haven’t learned how to deal with a regular excess of food. Again, that’s why its easy to stretch your stomach after gastric bypass.
If you stretched your stomach, get back on track. Your stomach will adjust its sensors and you’ll start to get back to normal. But you may need the help of a dietitian and support groups. Its worth it to call your surgeon’s office and let them know that you feel like you’re losing control. A decent surgical practice will have the resources you need to get you back on track.

They may have suggested therapy to her in the hospital and she may not have been receptive to it at that time. With so much editing it is hard to tell the true story of what is really happening. But I agree, definitely in the Black culture, seeing a therapist means that you are "crazy" therefore we are a bit hesitant to the idea. Luckily, that taboo has changed some. I think Dr. Now is just no-nonsense. I am sure he has heard every excuse and now he has a low tolerance for it. I dont get offended when they make the losing weight naturally comment. It takes a lot of dedication and determination to lose weight and keep it off both "naturally and surgically." As far as "Skin Tight" I am very disappointed in their results. I expect Dr. NOW results to be sub par because he isn't a plastic surgeon and it shows. The nipple placement last night were hideous. And the plastic surgeon's results aren't any better. They must not be allowed to do liposuction on the show because they all can benefit from it. They need to be more aggressive and learn how to contour the body. So disappointing for them I'm sure, especially for the females.

I know, right? I mean, who do those puppies think they are? Don't they know there is a wild flower crisis right now? How do you think those poor wild flowers feel being trampled on? And by swarmy, arrogant puppies who have no regard for those wild flowers' rights!

Last week's skin tight. I can't believe how had those young doctors are. They are never aggressive enough with skin removal. They leave a shelf on every Tummy Tuck and I don't even think they do muscle repair. They are so bad.
They are making Dr Now look like a magician.

Wow these threads crack me up. I feel like I am back in high school reading stuff that people post. I havent even had surgery yet but joined this site to see how others adapt and succeed. Instead I see so much negativity and bullying. These are the same people I tell my 21 yr old daughter to avoid. But I think I am going to take a break and find a more positive site as well. I understand that these are people opinions and every one has one but we are also adults and should treat one another as such. I'm really hoping that these are trolls that I am referring to because if they aren't, then there are a lot of unhappy people on this site!

Sorry to hear that. I hope its nothing serious!

Wow these threads crack me up. I feel like I am back in high school reading stuff that people post. I havent even had surgery yet but joined this site to see how others adapt and succeed. Instead I see so much negativity and bullying. These are the same people I tell my 21 yr old daughter to avoid. But I think I am going to take a break and find a more positive site as well. I understand that these are people opinions and every one has one but we are also adults and should treat one another as such. I'm really hoping that these are trolls that I am referring to because if they aren't, then there are a lot of unhappy people on this site!

Granted, I am a newbie, but I don't understand the judgement and anger towards others' food choices. Changing your eating and exercise habits are hard... if they weren't, many of us wouldn't have signed up to have WLS as a tool to help us. We don't know what it is like to be that other person who is "failing" or "wasting" their surgery.
I'm grateful that my hospital had us (basically) start the post op diet from the day of orientation ... 3 oz Protein (eaten first), 2 servings veg and 1 starch (very specific options).. a fruit instead of veg at Breakfast. So I had several months of following that and got used to what I was going to eat post op.... though smaller portions. I feel like that helped me to know how to eat now, but not every one had that experience. A lot of people are flying blind and i feel like they need support, rather than judgement. It reminds me of when thin people shame larger people for what they eat.. or concern troll them with faux concern over their health. That doesn't make them want to change their habits... it just makes them feel like crap.

I wrote a big long response... and then decided to not share it. Summary version...
I have both failed (lapband) and had very good success (sleeve) with WLS so I perhaps see this whole judgement line of thinking a little differently.
Someone on this thread knows someone who was a very influential person in my banded life. She was very very helpful to me (lets just say in those days getting support when you had your surgery out of country - in my case Germany because I lived there! wasn't so easy and she really helped me when i came home). She was also one of those "veterans" that basically had the attitude that we just needed to "man up" and follow the rules and we would have astounding success. I tried pretty hard - as misguided as my uneducated efforts were - it wasn't for lack of "try" and it was devastating to be judged so harshly by someone who I looked up to.
i caution all of you to realize that real human beings are "failing" and making bad choices. And they read this **** you write about them.
To me - this unrelenting "judging" of other people's failings with WLS is actually no different than the bias, disgust and hate some people show toward the general obese population. Actually, I think it is worse.

OK to add my 2 cents to the pot stirring here....
Is that person wasting her opportunity? Maybe...but who are we to judge? Even though we are deemed "ready" for a surgery how many of us are really ready for it?
Were you ready for the surgery and all that entailed or might have if you had a complication? What about the post-op diet? Could you really say you were ready for that?! Were you ready to change your mindset and the way you viewed food all these years that lead to your obesity?
If you were well good for you!!! Many of us weren't and still aren't. There are many on these boards and in the Dr.'s office still trying to work out their mental and emotional issues with food. It's really simple to tell an addict to stay away from people who are drinking and taking drugs...but do you have any idea how hard that really is? You can't watch TV today without seeing something about the next drug, beer flavor, vodka, hard cider, pumpkin flavored everything, KFC, McDonalds, Arby's Sonic...shall I go on....?
Many patients don't have the support from psychologists and many fear seeking one out. The psych eval before surgery seems to be a simple evaluation to see if you have some obvious gross mental abnormality. They aren't checking to see if you are a food addict. They are checking to see if your a substance abuse addict or if you tend toward eating disorders....but they forget that obesity IS an eating disorder and yes the patients need treatment for such or would any of us be obese to begin with??
Not all of us can have our "tool" given to us and then know how we are supposed to use it because what works for Mary does not work for LIsa, What works for Ken does not work for Lisa. What works for Liz does not work for Ken and does not work for Lisa.
Lisa and only Lisa can figure out what will work for her....because her issues are not yours and vs versa. It's hard to be mad or upset a person when you think about it......
Following the "rules" are kind of like common core math...not everyone can figure it out and understand it. Most teachers have a hard time teaching it and most students and parents simply choose to opt out. That's what this lady did...
The point of contention here is that instead of blaming others we need to look at ourselves and put the questions we can't figure out and understand back to the medical industry and have them really look at us as the patients and tailor these tools to help serve us best.
I might wear a size 14 regular but for it to fit right I still need a hem. I don't fit into the "off the rack" sizes the way they are meant to fit because I wasn't made in a factory. I am one of kind as are you. One size does not fit all...it may fit most but it never fits all....and some of us need a little extra tailoring.