Amanda Dutton LPC

What are you thankful for this year?
Your home? Your job? Your family?
What are the other people in your life thankful for? What about your family? Your co-workers? Your friends? Do you ever wonder if any of them are thankful for YOU?
We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Where’s the time for you? Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs is usually WAY down on the list, if it’s on the list at all.
It feels selfish.


So, what if I told you it was actually self-LESS?
Yep, you read that right. Self-LESS.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more. Think about it:
What happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can’t. Even.
Again: If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Are you hearing that? That’s not selfish, that’s self-LESS. If you don’t take time for YOU, you won’t be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
Give yourself permission to say “no.”
Let’s go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren’t responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I’m betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you’re the “go to” person because people realize that you’ll say YES.
Set aside a specific time for your self care and treat it like an appointment you can’t miss.
You know that doctor’s appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can’t miss and that you won’t be available. You need this.
Expect others to push your boundaries.
Especially in the beginning. They won’t be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It’s okay! Remember, this is expected. You’re preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary.
By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don’t stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don’t practice self care.
It’s not selfish, its self-LESS.

Ana92212, thank you for your reply! You said something really awesome that I hope others note - you went to your nutritionist for help. You sought support! I love it! I also love that you are "in a good place." That mental attitude will help keep you well. Keep up the good work!

The honeymoon period. The time period after the surgery, when the weight is coming off without much effort, and you feel like it was the best decision you ever made. The compliments are coming from everyone, you're fine with taking the supplements, the Protein Shakes, heck, you're even okay with losing some hair – it'll grow back, right?
But what about when you've reached “that” point? The point where the weight loss has slowed. The “head hunger” has started and, well, the “fun” has worn off. Reality sinks in that this “real life.” This is something that you need to keep up with. This is now your...gulp...”everyday” life.


The honeymoon period. The time period after the surgery, when the weight is coming off without much effort, and you feel like it was the best decision you ever made. The compliments are coming from everyone, you're fine with taking the supplements, the Protein shakes, heck, you're even okay with losing some hair – it'll grow back, right?
But what about when you've reached “that” point? The point where the weight loss has slowed. The “head hunger” has started and, well, the “fun” has worn off. Reality sinks in that this “real life.” This is something that you need to keep up with. This is now your...gulp...”everyday” life.
Did you expect to have depression creep in? Or maybe creep back in? Most of us thought this surgery would correct our mood issues, thinking that losing the weight would help get rid of that which was bothering us. So what happened? Why are we sad, frustrated, mad? Why aren't we...well...happy?
A lot of this can be attributed to losing our primary coping tool to deal with depression and stress: mindless consumption of food. We may not have realized it at the time, but food was our comfort, our companion, sometimes the only thing that was there for us when nothing/nobody else was. Now, that support is no longer something we can reach for in hard times to get us through. We are physically and emotionally missing/grieving our former “companion.”
Our coping tool.
Sometimes, our best friend.
So what do we do?
First, we have to look at the physical way food was affecting us. Not just related to weight, but in our brain. Food was giving us satisfaction in a way that was “rewarding” receptors in our brain that control the chemical dopamine. Dopamine is a chemical that makes us feel good. This is the same chemical that is triggered when someone uses drugs or alcohol. Yep, scary thought, huh?
That's why we often hear about “food addiction.” We are literally “feeding” that addiction when we overeat. That's hard to accept, I know.
Second, we have to look at WHY we may be overeating. What thoughts do we have that lead us to seek food as comfort? Are they thoughts about ourselves? Are we thinking that “I'm so fat” or “I shouldn't even try” or maybe even “Why do I even bother?” Sometimes the addiction is so deep, it's hard to identify the thoughts that made the behavior start.
Then it may be more helpful to think about the feelings. What feelings direct us to start overeating? Is it anger? Boredom? Defeat? Do the words or actions of another make us feel “less than” and lead to lowered self worth, thus leading to the desire to overeat?
The concept of looking at Thoughts-Feelings-Behaviors is at the core of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a standard therapeutic method of behavioral therapists. Finding a therapist that can help us figure out the source of how these 3 things work together to lead us on the path to overeating can go a long way toward correcting the behavior. The key to CBT is retraining those thoughts to become more positive, leading to more positive feelings and behaviors.
Often, we get stuck with “ants” - Automatic Negative Thoughts – and they are hard to undo. With the assistance of a therapist that is trained in CBT, particularly one that is familiar with bariatric surgery, we can retrain our brains to think more positively about ourselves, thus leading to be less dependent on food to nurture feelings of happiness.
What kind of “ANTs” do you want to get rid of? Can you think of a chain of Thoughts-Feelings-Behaviors that you would like to change? What would you rather that chain look like instead?

The honeymoon period. The time period after the surgery, when the weight is coming off without much effort, and you feel like it was the best decision you ever made. The compliments are coming from everyone, you're fine with taking the supplements, the Protein Shakes, heck, you're even okay with losing some hair – it'll grow back, right?
But what about when you've reached “that” point? The point where the weight loss has slowed. The “head hunger” has started and, well, the “fun” has worn off. Reality sinks in that this “real life.” This is something that you need to keep up with. This is now your...gulp...”everyday” life.


The honeymoon period. The time period after the surgery, when the weight is coming off without much effort, and you feel like it was the best decision you ever made. The compliments are coming from everyone, you're fine with taking the supplements, the Protein shakes, heck, you're even okay with losing some hair – it'll grow back, right?
But what about when you've reached “that” point? The point where the weight loss has slowed. The “head hunger” has started and, well, the “fun” has worn off. Reality sinks in that this “real life.” This is something that you need to keep up with. This is now your...gulp...”everyday” life.
Did you expect to have depression creep in? Or maybe creep back in? Most of us thought this surgery would correct our mood issues, thinking that losing the weight would help get rid of that which was bothering us. So what happened? Why are we sad, frustrated, mad? Why aren't we...well...happy?
A lot of this can be attributed to losing our primary coping tool to deal with depression and stress: mindless consumption of food. We may not have realized it at the time, but food was our comfort, our companion, sometimes the only thing that was there for us when nothing/nobody else was. Now, that support is no longer something we can reach for in hard times to get us through. We are physically and emotionally missing/grieving our former “companion.”
Our coping tool.
Sometimes, our best friend.
So what do we do?
First, we have to look at the physical way food was affecting us. Not just related to weight, but in our brain. Food was giving us satisfaction in a way that was “rewarding” receptors in our brain that control the chemical dopamine. Dopamine is a chemical that makes us feel good. This is the same chemical that is triggered when someone uses drugs or alcohol. Yep, scary thought, huh?
That's why we often hear about “food addiction.” We are literally “feeding” that addiction when we overeat. That's hard to accept, I know.
Second, we have to look at WHY we may be overeating. What thoughts do we have that lead us to seek food as comfort? Are they thoughts about ourselves? Are we thinking that “I'm so fat” or “I shouldn't even try” or maybe even “Why do I even bother?” Sometimes the addiction is so deep, it's hard to identify the thoughts that made the behavior start.
Then it may be more helpful to think about the feelings. What feelings direct us to start overeating? Is it anger? Boredom? Defeat? Do the words or actions of another make us feel “less than” and lead to lowered self worth, thus leading to the desire to overeat?
The concept of looking at Thoughts-Feelings-Behaviors is at the core of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a standard therapeutic method of behavioral therapists. Finding a therapist that can help us figure out the source of how these 3 things work together to lead us on the path to overeating can go a long way toward correcting the behavior. The key to CBT is retraining those thoughts to become more positive, leading to more positive feelings and behaviors.
Often, we get stuck with “ants” - Automatic Negative Thoughts – and they are hard to undo. With the assistance of a therapist that is trained in CBT, particularly one that is familiar with bariatric surgery, we can retrain our brains to think more positively about ourselves, thus leading to be less dependent on food to nurture feelings of happiness.
What kind of “ANTs” do you want to get rid of? Can you think of a chain of Thoughts-Feelings-Behaviors that you would like to change? What would you rather that chain look like instead?

What defines you? Is it your home? Your job? Your family? Your weight?
What about your purpose? Is it to make more money? To retire in the Bahamas? To run away and live in the mountains with a pet squirrel named George?
Are their pieces missing from the puzzle that make it hard to see how you will get from where you are to where you want to be - to your purpose?


We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs as a means to work toward our own goals is usually WAY down on the list, if it's on the list at all.
It feels selfish.
So, what if I told you it was actually selfLESS? Yep, you read that right.
Self-LESS. Let me give you a scenario...see if this sounds familiar...
Imagine that you wake up in the morning, your child is in the bed with you (laying sideways, foot wedged in your kidney, as usual) and as you're getting up, you realize you've overslept and that child is going to be late for school. You then rush to get him ready, grab some Breakfast as you run out the door, call your boss (who of course, sounds frustrated), apologize and offer to stay late (again), and rush to the school. You get to work, apologize again, and are reminded that you are presenting at a meeting in an hour. As you scan through e-mails and vaguely hear your voice mails, there is a message from your mother reminding you about dinner at her house tonight. You make a mental note to call her. Rushing into the meeting, you apologize (again) for being late, but you handle the meeting like a champ. After the meeting, you continue your day, pausing every time someone asks you to do something and responding to their requests. That's what you do. Finally heading out the door at 7:30pm, you realize you've missed a call from your mother, and suddenly it hits you that you forgot to call her back. You call her back as you're rushing to her house, apologizing (yep, again) and thanking her for picking up your son (yet again). By the time you get home, there is barely time to shower and fall in the bed (with a precious foot jammed in your kidney), and hope that you set your alarm this time.
Sound familiar?
Where's the time for you? Not a moment of it anywhere.
So what happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can't. Even.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more.
Are you hearing that? That's not selfish, that's self-LESS. If you don't take time for YOU, you won't be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
1. Give yourself permission to say “no.” - Let's go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren't responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I'm betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you're the “go to” person because people realize that you'll say YES.
2. Set aside a specific time for you and treat it like an appointment you can't miss. You know that doctor's appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can't miss and that you won't be available. You need this.
3. Expect others to push your boundaries. Especially in the beginning. They won't be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It's okay! Remember, this is expected. You're preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary. By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don't stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don't practice self care. It's not selfish, its self-LESS.
Are there some specific ways that you already practice self care? Share in the comments and you may give a push to someone else!

What are you thankful for this year?
Your home? Your job? Your family?
What are the other people in your life thankful for? What about your family? Your co-workers? Your friends? Do you ever wonder if any of them are thankful for YOU?
We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Where’s the time for you? Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs is usually WAY down on the list, if it’s on the list at all.
It feels selfish.


So, what if I told you it was actually self-LESS?
Yep, you read that right. Self-LESS.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more. Think about it:
What happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can’t. Even.
Again: If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Are you hearing that? That’s not selfish, that’s self-LESS. If you don’t take time for YOU, you won’t be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
Give yourself permission to say “no.”
Let’s go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren’t responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I’m betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you’re the “go to” person because people realize that you’ll say YES.
Set aside a specific time for your self care and treat it like an appointment you can’t miss.
You know that doctor’s appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can’t miss and that you won’t be available. You need this.
Expect others to push your boundaries.
Especially in the beginning. They won’t be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It’s okay! Remember, this is expected. You’re preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary.
By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don’t stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don’t practice self care.
It’s not selfish, its self-LESS.

What are you thankful for this year?
Your home? Your job? Your family?
What are the other people in your life thankful for? What about your family? Your co-workers? Your friends? Do you ever wonder if any of them are thankful for YOU?
We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Where’s the time for you? Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs is usually WAY down on the list, if it’s on the list at all.
It feels selfish.


So, what if I told you it was actually self-LESS?
Yep, you read that right. Self-LESS.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more. Think about it:
What happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can’t. Even.
Again: If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Are you hearing that? That’s not selfish, that’s self-LESS. If you don’t take time for YOU, you won’t be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
Give yourself permission to say “no.”
Let’s go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren’t responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I’m betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you’re the “go to” person because people realize that you’ll say YES.
Set aside a specific time for your self care and treat it like an appointment you can’t miss.
You know that doctor’s appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can’t miss and that you won’t be available. You need this.
Expect others to push your boundaries.
Especially in the beginning. They won’t be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It’s okay! Remember, this is expected. You’re preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary.
By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don’t stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don’t practice self care.
It’s not selfish, its self-LESS.

What are you thankful for this year?
Your home? Your job? Your family?
What are the other people in your life thankful for? What about your family? Your co-workers? Your friends? Do you ever wonder if any of them are thankful for YOU?
We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Where’s the time for you? Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs is usually WAY down on the list, if it’s on the list at all.
It feels selfish.


So, what if I told you it was actually self-LESS?
Yep, you read that right. Self-LESS.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more. Think about it:
What happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can’t. Even.
Again: If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Are you hearing that? That’s not selfish, that’s self-LESS. If you don’t take time for YOU, you won’t be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
Give yourself permission to say “no.”
Let’s go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren’t responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I’m betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you’re the “go to” person because people realize that you’ll say YES.
Set aside a specific time for your self care and treat it like an appointment you can’t miss.
You know that doctor’s appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can’t miss and that you won’t be available. You need this.
Expect others to push your boundaries.
Especially in the beginning. They won’t be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It’s okay! Remember, this is expected. You’re preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary.
By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don’t stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don’t practice self care.
It’s not selfish, its self-LESS.

What are you thankful for this year?
Your home? Your job? Your family?
What are the other people in your life thankful for? What about your family? Your co-workers? Your friends? Do you ever wonder if any of them are thankful for YOU?
We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Where’s the time for you? Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs is usually WAY down on the list, if it’s on the list at all.
It feels selfish.


So, what if I told you it was actually self-LESS?
Yep, you read that right. Self-LESS.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more. Think about it:
What happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can’t. Even.
Again: If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Are you hearing that? That’s not selfish, that’s self-LESS. If you don’t take time for YOU, you won’t be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
Give yourself permission to say “no.”
Let’s go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren’t responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I’m betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you’re the “go to” person because people realize that you’ll say YES.
Set aside a specific time for your self care and treat it like an appointment you can’t miss.
You know that doctor’s appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can’t miss and that you won’t be available. You need this.
Expect others to push your boundaries.
Especially in the beginning. They won’t be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It’s okay! Remember, this is expected. You’re preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary.
By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don’t stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don’t practice self care.
It’s not selfish, its self-LESS.

What are you thankful for this year?
Your home? Your job? Your family?
What are the other people in your life thankful for? What about your family? Your co-workers? Your friends? Do you ever wonder if any of them are thankful for YOU?
We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Where’s the time for you? Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs is usually WAY down on the list, if it’s on the list at all.
It feels selfish.


So, what if I told you it was actually self-LESS?
Yep, you read that right. Self-LESS.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more. Think about it:
What happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can’t. Even.
Again: If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Are you hearing that? That’s not selfish, that’s self-LESS. If you don’t take time for YOU, you won’t be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
Give yourself permission to say “no.”
Let’s go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren’t responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I’m betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you’re the “go to” person because people realize that you’ll say YES.
Set aside a specific time for your self care and treat it like an appointment you can’t miss.
You know that doctor’s appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can’t miss and that you won’t be available. You need this.
Expect others to push your boundaries.
Especially in the beginning. They won’t be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It’s okay! Remember, this is expected. You’re preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary.
By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don’t stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don’t practice self care.
It’s not selfish, its self-LESS.

What are you thankful for this year?
Your home? Your job? Your family?
What are the other people in your life thankful for? What about your family? Your co-workers? Your friends? Do you ever wonder if any of them are thankful for YOU?
We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Where’s the time for you? Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs is usually WAY down on the list, if it’s on the list at all.
It feels selfish.


So, what if I told you it was actually self-LESS?
Yep, you read that right. Self-LESS.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more. Think about it:
What happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can’t. Even.
Again: If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Are you hearing that? That’s not selfish, that’s self-LESS. If you don’t take time for YOU, you won’t be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
Give yourself permission to say “no.”
Let’s go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren’t responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I’m betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you’re the “go to” person because people realize that you’ll say YES.
Set aside a specific time for your self care and treat it like an appointment you can’t miss.
You know that doctor’s appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can’t miss and that you won’t be available. You need this.
Expect others to push your boundaries.
Especially in the beginning. They won’t be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It’s okay! Remember, this is expected. You’re preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary.
By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don’t stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don’t practice self care.
It’s not selfish, its self-LESS.

A complete bariatric program is SO important for us! I'm sad to hear that the first doctor felt that a nutritionist would steer you wrong. I, too, feel that you made the right call by switching. We need all the support we can get, before and after surgery, so being in a program that takes a "whole person" approach is key.
Good luck in your journey, and keep us updated!

What are you thankful for this year?
Your home? Your job? Your family?
What are the other people in your life thankful for? What about your family? Your co-workers? Your friends? Do you ever wonder if any of them are thankful for YOU?
We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Where’s the time for you? Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs is usually WAY down on the list, if it’s on the list at all.
It feels selfish.


So, what if I told you it was actually self-LESS?
Yep, you read that right. Self-LESS.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more. Think about it:
What happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can’t. Even.
Again: If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Are you hearing that? That’s not selfish, that’s self-LESS. If you don’t take time for YOU, you won’t be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
Give yourself permission to say “no.”
Let’s go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren’t responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I’m betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you’re the “go to” person because people realize that you’ll say YES.
Set aside a specific time for your self care and treat it like an appointment you can’t miss.
You know that doctor’s appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can’t miss and that you won’t be available. You need this.
Expect others to push your boundaries.
Especially in the beginning. They won’t be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It’s okay! Remember, this is expected. You’re preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary.
By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don’t stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don’t practice self care.
It’s not selfish, its self-LESS.

What are you thankful for this year?
Your home? Your job? Your family?
What are the other people in your life thankful for? What about your family? Your co-workers? Your friends? Do you ever wonder if any of them are thankful for YOU?
We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Where’s the time for you? Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs is usually WAY down on the list, if it’s on the list at all.
It feels selfish.


So, what if I told you it was actually self-LESS?
Yep, you read that right. Self-LESS.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more. Think about it:
What happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can’t. Even.
Again: If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Are you hearing that? That’s not selfish, that’s self-LESS. If you don’t take time for YOU, you won’t be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
Give yourself permission to say “no.”
Let’s go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren’t responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I’m betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you’re the “go to” person because people realize that you’ll say YES.
Set aside a specific time for your self care and treat it like an appointment you can’t miss.
You know that doctor’s appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can’t miss and that you won’t be available. You need this.
Expect others to push your boundaries.
Especially in the beginning. They won’t be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It’s okay! Remember, this is expected. You’re preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary.
By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don’t stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don’t practice self care.
It’s not selfish, its self-LESS.

What are you thankful for this year?
Your home? Your job? Your family?
What are the other people in your life thankful for? What about your family? Your co-workers? Your friends? Do you ever wonder if any of them are thankful for YOU?
We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Where’s the time for you? Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs is usually WAY down on the list, if it’s on the list at all.
It feels selfish.


So, what if I told you it was actually self-LESS?
Yep, you read that right. Self-LESS.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more. Think about it:
What happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can’t. Even.
Again: If you don’t take care of yourself, you can’t take care of anyone else.
Are you hearing that? That’s not selfish, that’s self-LESS. If you don’t take time for YOU, you won’t be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
Give yourself permission to say “no.”
Let’s go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren’t responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I’m betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you’re the “go to” person because people realize that you’ll say YES.
Set aside a specific time for your self care and treat it like an appointment you can’t miss.
You know that doctor’s appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can’t miss and that you won’t be available. You need this.
Expect others to push your boundaries.
Especially in the beginning. They won’t be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It’s okay! Remember, this is expected. You’re preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary.
By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don’t stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don’t practice self care.
It’s not selfish, its self-LESS.

It is very hard when you are in a helping field, but even more important I feel. We are naturally givers and it's hard to make time for ourselves. Scheduling time for yourself takes some of the guilt away. I felt that guilt for such a long time until I started to "work myself sick." Then it became evident I couldn't fully be there for my clients if I didn't take care of myself. That really helped when I took this perspective.

What defines you? Is it your home? Your job? Your family? Your weight?
What about your purpose? Is it to make more money? To retire in the Bahamas? To run away and live in the mountains with a pet squirrel named George?
Are their pieces missing from the puzzle that make it hard to see how you will get from where you are to where you want to be - to your purpose?


We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs as a means to work toward our own goals is usually WAY down on the list, if it's on the list at all.
It feels selfish.
So, what if I told you it was actually selfLESS? Yep, you read that right.
Self-LESS. Let me give you a scenario...see if this sounds familiar...
Imagine that you wake up in the morning, your child is in the bed with you (laying sideways, foot wedged in your kidney, as usual) and as you're getting up, you realize you've overslept and that child is going to be late for school. You then rush to get him ready, grab some Breakfast as you run out the door, call your boss (who of course, sounds frustrated), apologize and offer to stay late (again), and rush to the school. You get to work, apologize again, and are reminded that you are presenting at a meeting in an hour. As you scan through e-mails and vaguely hear your voice mails, there is a message from your mother reminding you about dinner at her house tonight. You make a mental note to call her. Rushing into the meeting, you apologize (again) for being late, but you handle the meeting like a champ. After the meeting, you continue your day, pausing every time someone asks you to do something and responding to their requests. That's what you do. Finally heading out the door at 7:30pm, you realize you've missed a call from your mother, and suddenly it hits you that you forgot to call her back. You call her back as you're rushing to her house, apologizing (yep, again) and thanking her for picking up your son (yet again). By the time you get home, there is barely time to shower and fall in the bed (with a precious foot jammed in your kidney), and hope that you set your alarm this time.
Sound familiar?
Where's the time for you? Not a moment of it anywhere.
So what happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can't. Even.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more.
Are you hearing that? That's not selfish, that's self-LESS. If you don't take time for YOU, you won't be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
1. Give yourself permission to say “no.” - Let's go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren't responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I'm betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you're the “go to” person because people realize that you'll say YES.
2. Set aside a specific time for you and treat it like an appointment you can't miss. You know that doctor's appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can't miss and that you won't be available. You need this.
3. Expect others to push your boundaries. Especially in the beginning. They won't be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It's okay! Remember, this is expected. You're preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary. By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don't stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don't practice self care. It's not selfish, its self-LESS.
Are there some specific ways that you already practice self care? Share in the comments and you may give a push to someone else!

That's awesome when you have the support of a spouse! So glad that you consider self care sacred and that you have the support to make it happen. Hope you and your husband continue to do well!

Excellent job, VSGAnn! Planning is so important for us. Taking that time is an important part of staying on track and helping to derail bad choices during the day due to lack of a plan!

It is very hard when you are in a helping field, but even more important I feel. We are naturally givers and it's hard to make time for ourselves. Scheduling time for yourself takes some of the guilt away. I felt that guilt for such a long time until I started to "work myself sick." Then it became evident I couldn't fully be there for my clients if I didn't take care of myself. That really helped when I took this perspective.

Yes! I completely agree! The dietitian that leads the support group I recently began helping just talked about making time for meals last night! A very important part of self care for anyone, but especially us!

What defines you? Is it your home? Your job? Your family? Your weight?
What about your purpose? Is it to make more money? To retire in the Bahamas? To run away and live in the mountains with a pet squirrel named George?
Are their pieces missing from the puzzle that make it hard to see how you will get from where you are to where you want to be - to your purpose?


We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs as a means to work toward our own goals is usually WAY down on the list, if it's on the list at all.
It feels selfish.
So, what if I told you it was actually selfLESS? Yep, you read that right.
Self-LESS. Let me give you a scenario...see if this sounds familiar...
Imagine that you wake up in the morning, your child is in the bed with you (laying sideways, foot wedged in your kidney, as usual) and as you're getting up, you realize you've overslept and that child is going to be late for school. You then rush to get him ready, grab some Breakfast as you run out the door, call your boss (who of course, sounds frustrated), apologize and offer to stay late (again), and rush to the school. You get to work, apologize again, and are reminded that you are presenting at a meeting in an hour. As you scan through e-mails and vaguely hear your voice mails, there is a message from your mother reminding you about dinner at her house tonight. You make a mental note to call her. Rushing into the meeting, you apologize (again) for being late, but you handle the meeting like a champ. After the meeting, you continue your day, pausing every time someone asks you to do something and responding to their requests. That's what you do. Finally heading out the door at 7:30pm, you realize you've missed a call from your mother, and suddenly it hits you that you forgot to call her back. You call her back as you're rushing to her house, apologizing (yep, again) and thanking her for picking up your son (yet again). By the time you get home, there is barely time to shower and fall in the bed (with a precious foot jammed in your kidney), and hope that you set your alarm this time.
Sound familiar?
Where's the time for you? Not a moment of it anywhere.
So what happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can't. Even.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more.
Are you hearing that? That's not selfish, that's self-LESS. If you don't take time for YOU, you won't be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
1. Give yourself permission to say “no.” - Let's go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren't responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I'm betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you're the “go to” person because people realize that you'll say YES.
2. Set aside a specific time for you and treat it like an appointment you can't miss. You know that doctor's appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can't miss and that you won't be available. You need this.
3. Expect others to push your boundaries. Especially in the beginning. They won't be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It's okay! Remember, this is expected. You're preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary. By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don't stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don't practice self care. It's not selfish, its self-LESS.
Are there some specific ways that you already practice self care? Share in the comments and you may give a push to someone else!

What defines you? Is it your home? Your job? Your family? Your weight?
What about your purpose? Is it to make more money? To retire in the Bahamas? To run away and live in the mountains with a pet squirrel named George?
Are their pieces missing from the puzzle that make it hard to see how you will get from where you are to where you want to be - to your purpose?


We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs as a means to work toward our own goals is usually WAY down on the list, if it's on the list at all.
It feels selfish.
So, what if I told you it was actually selfLESS? Yep, you read that right.
Self-LESS. Let me give you a scenario...see if this sounds familiar...
Imagine that you wake up in the morning, your child is in the bed with you (laying sideways, foot wedged in your kidney, as usual) and as you're getting up, you realize you've overslept and that child is going to be late for school. You then rush to get him ready, grab some Breakfast as you run out the door, call your boss (who of course, sounds frustrated), apologize and offer to stay late (again), and rush to the school. You get to work, apologize again, and are reminded that you are presenting at a meeting in an hour. As you scan through e-mails and vaguely hear your voice mails, there is a message from your mother reminding you about dinner at her house tonight. You make a mental note to call her. Rushing into the meeting, you apologize (again) for being late, but you handle the meeting like a champ. After the meeting, you continue your day, pausing every time someone asks you to do something and responding to their requests. That's what you do. Finally heading out the door at 7:30pm, you realize you've missed a call from your mother, and suddenly it hits you that you forgot to call her back. You call her back as you're rushing to her house, apologizing (yep, again) and thanking her for picking up your son (yet again). By the time you get home, there is barely time to shower and fall in the bed (with a precious foot jammed in your kidney), and hope that you set your alarm this time.
Sound familiar?
Where's the time for you? Not a moment of it anywhere.
So what happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can't. Even.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more.
Are you hearing that? That's not selfish, that's self-LESS. If you don't take time for YOU, you won't be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
1. Give yourself permission to say “no.” - Let's go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren't responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I'm betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you're the “go to” person because people realize that you'll say YES.
2. Set aside a specific time for you and treat it like an appointment you can't miss. You know that doctor's appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can't miss and that you won't be available. You need this.
3. Expect others to push your boundaries. Especially in the beginning. They won't be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It's okay! Remember, this is expected. You're preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary. By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don't stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don't practice self care. It's not selfish, its self-LESS.
Are there some specific ways that you already practice self care? Share in the comments and you may give a push to someone else!

What defines you? Is it your home? Your job? Your family? Your weight?
What about your purpose? Is it to make more money? To retire in the Bahamas? To run away and live in the mountains with a pet squirrel named George?
Are their pieces missing from the puzzle that make it hard to see how you will get from where you are to where you want to be - to your purpose?


We often spend our lives working for others, doing things for others, helping others. Taking care of ourselves and focusing on our own needs as a means to work toward our own goals is usually WAY down on the list, if it's on the list at all.
It feels selfish.
So, what if I told you it was actually selfLESS? Yep, you read that right.
Self-LESS. Let me give you a scenario...see if this sounds familiar...
Imagine that you wake up in the morning, your child is in the bed with you (laying sideways, foot wedged in your kidney, as usual) and as you're getting up, you realize you've overslept and that child is going to be late for school. You then rush to get him ready, grab some Breakfast as you run out the door, call your boss (who of course, sounds frustrated), apologize and offer to stay late (again), and rush to the school. You get to work, apologize again, and are reminded that you are presenting at a meeting in an hour. As you scan through e-mails and vaguely hear your voice mails, there is a message from your mother reminding you about dinner at her house tonight. You make a mental note to call her. Rushing into the meeting, you apologize (again) for being late, but you handle the meeting like a champ. After the meeting, you continue your day, pausing every time someone asks you to do something and responding to their requests. That's what you do. Finally heading out the door at 7:30pm, you realize you've missed a call from your mother, and suddenly it hits you that you forgot to call her back. You call her back as you're rushing to her house, apologizing (yep, again) and thanking her for picking up your son (yet again). By the time you get home, there is barely time to shower and fall in the bed (with a precious foot jammed in your kidney), and hope that you set your alarm this time.
Sound familiar?
Where's the time for you? Not a moment of it anywhere.
So what happens when you get sick? Or injured? Or have a nervous breakdown because you Just. Can't. Even.
Stop. Breathe. Read this very carefully:
If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of anyone else.
Go back and read that again. And once more.
Are you hearing that? That's not selfish, that's self-LESS. If you don't take time for YOU, you won't be able to do anything for ANYONE ELSE. You will break, you will fall, you will crumble.
Give yourself a moment to let that sink in. While you are doing that, take a look at a few suggestions at how to make that happen:
1. Give yourself permission to say “no.” - Let's go ahead and get the hard one out of the way first thing. You aren't responsible for making sure that everyone gets everywhere or that they get everything they want. Granted, young children have more needs than adults, but I'm betting that if you sit back and think for a moment, there are times that if you said “no,” the individual would either: a) just do without it, or find some other way to make it happen. Often, you're the “go to” person because people realize that you'll say YES.
2. Set aside a specific time for you and treat it like an appointment you can't miss. You know that doctor's appointment it took you 2 months to get? And how you made sure that nothing stood in the way of you getting to that appointment? Yeah, treat your self care time just as special. Program it in your phone. Write it on the calendar. Let your family know that you have an appointment that you can't miss and that you won't be available. You need this.
3. Expect others to push your boundaries. Especially in the beginning. They won't be used to you being so assertive, so the attempts to make you feel guilty for not dropping everything to attend to their needs may ramp up for awhile. It's okay! Remember, this is expected. You're preparing for it now, by reading this, so when it happens you will already know that it is temporary. By sticking to your boundaries and not giving in, IT WILL GET BETTER. If you give in now, you have shown that if they push hard enough, they will eventually get there way. Don't stop.
Remember: we cannot be good caregivers if we don't practice self care. It's not selfish, its self-LESS.
Are there some specific ways that you already practice self care? Share in the comments and you may give a push to someone else!

The honeymoon period. The time period after the surgery, when the weight is coming off without much effort, and you feel like it was the best decision you ever made. The compliments are coming from everyone, you're fine with taking the supplements, the Protein Shakes, heck, you're even okay with losing some hair – it'll grow back, right?
But what about when you've reached “that” point? The point where the weight loss has slowed. The “head hunger” has started and, well, the “fun” has worn off. Reality sinks in that this “real life.” This is something that you need to keep up with. This is now your...gulp...”everyday” life.


The honeymoon period. The time period after the surgery, when the weight is coming off without much effort, and you feel like it was the best decision you ever made. The compliments are coming from everyone, you're fine with taking the supplements, the Protein shakes, heck, you're even okay with losing some hair – it'll grow back, right?
But what about when you've reached “that” point? The point where the weight loss has slowed. The “head hunger” has started and, well, the “fun” has worn off. Reality sinks in that this “real life.” This is something that you need to keep up with. This is now your...gulp...”everyday” life.
Did you expect to have depression creep in? Or maybe creep back in? Most of us thought this surgery would correct our mood issues, thinking that losing the weight would help get rid of that which was bothering us. So what happened? Why are we sad, frustrated, mad? Why aren't we...well...happy?
A lot of this can be attributed to losing our primary coping tool to deal with depression and stress: mindless consumption of food. We may not have realized it at the time, but food was our comfort, our companion, sometimes the only thing that was there for us when nothing/nobody else was. Now, that support is no longer something we can reach for in hard times to get us through. We are physically and emotionally missing/grieving our former “companion.”
Our coping tool.
Sometimes, our best friend.
So what do we do?
First, we have to look at the physical way food was affecting us. Not just related to weight, but in our brain. Food was giving us satisfaction in a way that was “rewarding” receptors in our brain that control the chemical dopamine. Dopamine is a chemical that makes us feel good. This is the same chemical that is triggered when someone uses drugs or alcohol. Yep, scary thought, huh?
That's why we often hear about “food addiction.” We are literally “feeding” that addiction when we overeat. That's hard to accept, I know.
Second, we have to look at WHY we may be overeating. What thoughts do we have that lead us to seek food as comfort? Are they thoughts about ourselves? Are we thinking that “I'm so fat” or “I shouldn't even try” or maybe even “Why do I even bother?” Sometimes the addiction is so deep, it's hard to identify the thoughts that made the behavior start.
Then it may be more helpful to think about the feelings. What feelings direct us to start overeating? Is it anger? Boredom? Defeat? Do the words or actions of another make us feel “less than” and lead to lowered self worth, thus leading to the desire to overeat?
The concept of looking at Thoughts-Feelings-Behaviors is at the core of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, a standard therapeutic method of behavioral therapists. Finding a therapist that can help us figure out the source of how these 3 things work together to lead us on the path to overeating can go a long way toward correcting the behavior. The key to CBT is retraining those thoughts to become more positive, leading to more positive feelings and behaviors.
Often, we get stuck with “ants” - Automatic Negative Thoughts – and they are hard to undo. With the assistance of a therapist that is trained in CBT, particularly one that is familiar with bariatric surgery, we can retrain our brains to think more positively about ourselves, thus leading to be less dependent on food to nurture feelings of happiness.
What kind of “ANTs” do you want to get rid of? Can you think of a chain of Thoughts-Feelings-Behaviors that you would like to change? What would you rather that chain look like instead?