waterwoman

"We all have issues, some of which where will power alone can work. Then there are other, more complex issues where will power alone is simply inadequate. My long term obesity is one of these, so I've gotten help where my will power is rewarded with success. Another example would be people not being able to think before they speak. Too bad there is no surgery to help such people, poor dears."
Good luck,
Tek

I think of the soft food stage as having a stomach similar to an infant. that made it easy for me to answer the question, should I eat this?

I think of the soft food stage as having a stomach similar to an infant. that made it easy for me to answer the question, should I eat this?

Can we pretend this is an Overeaters Anonymous meeting and it's my turn to stand up front and bare my soul?...especially since I never had the balls to set foot in a live meeting during my 35 years of having a BMI score higher than my IQ. There's donuts in the back...JOKE😁
It's been almost a year since my sleeve surgery and I couldn't be happier with the physical results. I was 60 years old, 5'4" and weighed close to 210 when I finally made an appointment with a bariatric surgeon. I'm now 61 and 134 pounds...I'm still 5'4" though. The past few days I've been in deep thought mode and was just hoping to use this forum to vent and hopefully get some feedback, positive or negative.
Dining out: It's going to happen. It was probably part of your life pre-surgery, so it's naive of you to think it won't be a part of your life post-surgery. So maybe it's just me and my family (obese mother) and significant other (F, normal weight), but the minute the menu appears, I get a barrage of "Oh..they have plenty of appetizers and small portions you can order. Be careful, etc. Did you see the vegetable plate?"
OK, so I know my significant other and my mom love me and are probably just concerned about my health and eating habits post-op, and if I'm being overly sensitive, just tell me and I'll shut up, but when they say things like that, it's not helping! If anything, something deep in my primordial starving "fat" brain wants to order the biggest thing on the menu and attempt to eat it.
When it happened yesterday at lunch, I calmly and nicely asked both of them if they could refrain from offering me ordering advice, as I assured them, thinking about the ordering process and the actual eating of said meal in a healthy manner was the number one priority on my mind pretty much 24/7. They didn't seem to take it too well. Which leads me to my next thought...
I might be stereotyping, but I'm willing to bet that a lot of us here were never/are not selfish people. I'm sure there are pages of psychological data written about the personality traits of the chronically obese and the myriad reasons we ended up as we did. My point is, after bariatric surgery, you might have to become a little selfish. You may need to put yourself first, sometimes to the detriment of others. Obviously, it helps if you can do this in a nice manner, but with certain people and situations in your life post-surgery, you might just have to be a selfish a*****e.
If your new lifestyle (diet, whatever you want to call it), exercise regimen, food habits, etc don't quite mesh with those around you, too bad. This is your last chance at success and you need to make YOU the priority. I walk a lot now...and it takes a lot of time. Some of that is time I used to spend with other people...now it's not always like that. Some have mentioned it. I don't care. I always invite them to walk with me but I'm not going to not walk because they want to do something else or don't feel like walking.
When I think about some of the healthiest people I have known in my life, they were/are quite selfish when it comes to exercise. One of my friends has been to the gym every morning from 5:30-7:30 for 35 years. He never misses. It's not an option. That's amazing to me because despite the genetics of obesity, there's no question that having some type of exercise regimen helps at some level. Did I ever have that level of commitment? Only to stopping at Whataburger several times a week.
So as much as I read pre-surgery and even with the psychological profiling the doctor did, I never read much or heard anyone talk about some of the changes I needed to make mentally to make this work. It seems like most of the pre-surgery discussion is about how to eat before and after the surgery and most of the psychological discussion is about not letting one addiction (food) be supplanted by another (drugs, alcohol, etc).
The crux of this dissertation, if you're still reading, is that there couldn't be more truth to the phrase bantered around here...."They operated on your stomach, not your brain". Prepare yourself for some mental challenges that being thinner does not make any easier. I must look a lot better because everyone tells me so...but I don't always feel better. Some of the same issues I've dealt with all my life, totally unrelated to weight, are still around. It's not that I expected them to disappear, but I think at some level, deep down, many of us think/thought, "Oh, if only I weren't so fat, I wouldn't have to deal with this problem [insert the problem/issue of your choosing]". Maybe I was just being naive or stupid, or both, but even being "thin" comes with plenty of challenges. I know these are "first world" problems and I'm not trying to sound like a complaining, spoiled brat. I just wanted to let off some steam here in the hopes that I'm not alone.
Thanks for listening.

I still take a break between every bite. For me it can be about 2-5 minutes, just depending how I feel, between bites. I found putting my cutlery down & sitting back from the table helps. If with others I don’t eat while someone is talking - give them my full attention. When at home alone I’ll read or play a game (solitaire is my go to) & then might take a bite every couple of pages or after a game or two. Didn’t like setting a timer as I felt like I had to take a bite then. I only take the bite when I feel like I need it not just want the bite or ‘told’ to take a bite. Not uncommon for me to pick up a bite then put it down again either. Took me a while to learn to eat more mindfully & focus on what I needed & not just mindlessly shovel food in.
And don’t worry if everyone has finished their meal & you’re still going. Don’t rush to eat in time with them (this can be difficult). At a function yesterday I was still eating my entree while everyone else had finished, had had their plates removed & the staff were starting to bring out the main courses. There’d even been a speech between the courses LOL! (I barely ate half my entree & only a couple of bites of my main 😁.)

Yesterday was my one year roux-en-y gastric bypass surgery anniversary and as of today I am officially in onederland! 199.8 lbs!
highest: 410 lbs | surgery: 355 lbs | current: 199.8 lbs (1 year post-op) | goal: 185 lbs
I had my one-year appointment with my surgeon today. We discussed my progress, and how my restriction is doing. I have some recurring nausea and vomiting that happens about every other week or so. My surgery a year ago had a rare-ish complication (occurs in less than 0.9% of rny patients). My roux limb, the piece of small intestine that now connects to my stomach pouch, became severely constricted by scar tissue, and I had a second laparoscopic surgery to fix that. I've since had three upper endoscopies to widen my stomach pouch because I still have semi-regular bouts of vomiting.
My stomach pouch also has an ulcer which may be a cause for the vomiting. I have another endoscopy scheduled for next week, and my surgeon and I discussed my options:
treat the ulcer with strong bouts of Prilosec, or if that doesn't work have another laparoscopic surgery to cut out the ulcer and reconnect the roux limb to the now even smaller stomach pouch My surgeon also put in a referral to a plastic surgeon so I can start seeing my skin removal surgery options. I doubt I will ever be able to afford the surgery in the U.S., but I would certainly feel better having surgery here than in Mexico or Thailand.
My current stats are:
Exercise: 20-30 mins cardio and 45 mins strength training each day, 6 days per week Hydration: 80-100 ounces of water/iced tea per day (my fave drink is Starbucks peach green iced tea) Food: 80-100 ounces of protein; 1000-1200 calories per day (I don't track my calories closely) I love strength training! I'm starting to see a ton of muscle definition in my legs, shoulders, back, and arms. I also recently attended a convention and walked more than 15,000 steps each day and it was TONS easier to walk around downtown Seattle than it's ever been in my life. I'm so excited to be below 200 pounds - I haven't been below 200 pounds since I was in middle school!
I hope you all are doing well! Keep up all your hard work!

First of all, there is no such thing as a "window of opportunity." There is no clock or deadline on weight loss surgery. The surgery is permanent. The surgery itself doesn't cause weight loss -- the surgery is a tool that helps you to eat less so you can lose weight. For most people, yes, the effect of the restriction wears off over time, so the first year or so is often called the "honeymoon period" because that's when it's easiest to lose weight due to low appetite and high restriction. But that doesn't mean that you can't lose any more weight after X months post-surgery. You have to build and maintain good habits during that honeymoon period so you can sustain the weight loss. It is a lifelong journey and if you get back into eating too much, you could regain the weight.
Second, yes, weight loss normally slows down as you approach your maintenance weight. It's easy to lose 10 pounds when you have 100 pounds to lose, but much more difficult to lose the last 10 pounds (when you only have 10 extra pounds). This is partly because having excess weight results in burning more calories -- if you're carrying an extra 100 pounds, it just takes more energy (and thus burns more calories) to do anything. If you maintain a constant calorie intake -- say, 1800 calories per day -- you will lose weight quickly at 300 pounds but more slowly at 250 pounds, and eventually you'll get to an equilibrium (say, 200 pounds) where you are burning the same number of calories as you're eating, so your weight will stabilize. If you want to lose more weight after you reach that equilibrium, you'll either have to lower your calorie intake or increase your calorie burn by exercising more.
Finally, my personal opinion is that people should not get hung up on a specific number on the scale. The non-scale measures of success are so much more important. If you are satisfied with your health and appearance at 222 pounds, there is no reason to worry that you are 2 pounds over the range that your surgeon estimated (which is almost certainly based on statistical outcomes, not a personalized assessment of you, specifically).

Even 20 years ago they were still working out the fine tuning of the RNY.
I dump on sugars and fats. I wanted dumping and 20 years ago it was about 50/50 that it would happen. So, not only do have have general restriction but I am also forced to limit sugars and fats. Even though dumping is considered a "complication" I count it as a win.
Yeah, meds can be an issue. Most time-released meds are problematic though some seem OK. I imagine it makes a difference what time-release mechanism is and where in the digestive process the meds are absorbed. Additionally, at least for me, are for meds where I can feel an effect the effective period is not as long as expected. Something with an 8 hour period of effect lasts 4 hours, sometimes 6 hours, never 8.
As I've stated here previously, I manage to eat a complete meal about 50% of the time. When my stomach says to stop I've learned it's just best to stop. When I am not feeling well or I'm fatigued my digestive system just shuts down. I've always been this way since I was a kid, but surgery just made the situation one that spirals out of control quicker. This makes meds likewise worse.
I've learned to cope with these issues, just chalking them up to part of the joy of being me. I'll takes these worries over being 500+ pounds overweight in a heartbeat. Were it not for surgery I likely would be completely disabled or long dead. I still never regretted having surgery for an instant.
Good luck,
Tek

I’m 5 years out and I still dump and am glad that I do. Dumping is a sign that I made a bad choice. I used to eat ice cream by the gallons. Now I can have a taste, but not too much. Because of dumping I have my sugar addiction under control. I wish we all dumped as it is such an advantage in maintenance.

Same with me - normal blood pressure and cholesterol without meds. Also no longer pre-diabetic. No achy joints.

Same with me - normal blood pressure and cholesterol without meds. Also no longer pre-diabetic. No achy joints.

Hi Mel

I’m also 6 year post op and I, too, have gained 15 lbs.

Had an interesting conversation with a friend today who said the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, but connection.

Could that be true for you?

Are you missing some kind of connection in your life?

I think for me, it might be connection to my body. I tend to live in my head, and take my body for granted.

Hope you find a way through this dark time.

Take care of yourself.

I was thinking about your post and remembering how good it felt to hit this current weight when I was losing and how bad it feels to be at this weight when I've regained.
The weight, of course, is the same. But my perception of myself is very different.
I also need to connect with the person I was six years ago - what was I eating? what were the daily habits that supported the weight loss I was experiencing? how did doing those things affect my self-image?
Thanks for sharing your experience and for hearing mine.

Hi Mel

I’m also 6 year post op and I, too, have gained 15 lbs.

Had an interesting conversation with a friend today who said the opposite of addiction is not sobriety, but connection.

Could that be true for you?

Are you missing some kind of connection in your life?

I think for me, it might be connection to my body. I tend to live in my head, and take my body for granted.

Hope you find a way through this dark time.

Take care of yourself.

I got rid of my “big clothes” because I made the decision to get rid or my “big” life. It was incredibly freeing to uncover the new slender person underneath. She dresses well, takes care of herself and others, and thoroughly enjoys life. The old clothes wouldn’t fit her body or her personality.

This surgery was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I still dump on sugars and am so grateful that I do. I had surgery 6 years ago at age 64. Only regret is not doing it sooner.

I'm trying to keep this in the spirit of the thread. You should start a fresh thread on your wife's issues. I'd wager folks here could offer up some good ideas to perhaps help.
I had my surgery about the same time as your wife. I dump pretty easily on sugars and fats, but I'm generally able to avoid them or at least avoid the amount that causes dumping. Not always, though.
More generally, my restriction is still in full force. If I eat too fast it can still cause pain or discomfort, so again, I try to watch HOW I eat. I most often have issues when I'm eating out or in social situations, as I get involved in conversation and don't pay attention to my eating. I need to always be aware of what I'm doing.
I can see this being defeating and problematic for some people to the extent they regret the surgery. I just take it as part of the joy of being me.
So, all this being said, I wish I had done it 15 years earlier. I would have the surgery every year if I had to, well, I'm old now, so maybe every 5.
Good luck,
Tek

I got rid of my “big clothes” because I made the decision to get rid or my “big” life. It was incredibly freeing to uncover the new slender person underneath. She dresses well, takes care of herself and others, and thoroughly enjoys life. The old clothes wouldn’t fit her body or her personality.

Just curious-are you maintaining or continuing to lose? Do you know your BMR? Resting Basal Metabolic Rate? I just had Body Spec body scan which provided this and other data to discuss with my doc. I’m 6 years out getting about 1800 calories, but will need to reduce to lose about 20 lbs regain.

What is your plan tell you? What does your stomach tell you?

Also happens to me. Helps if I eat lightly and more often.

I chose bypass because it had the best loss stats and I wanted to give myself the best chance of success

Have you tried or considered the Bariatric Advantage chewable. It’s more expensive and I didn’t love the taste of it but I was able to take that one on an empty stomach and I was fine. My nutritionist had samples.

"Exact Number" - That is the perfect way of putting it. I realize intellectually that the number really doesn't matter... but it does to ME! It's about having a goal and meeting that goal. Until I do, it feels like unfinished business for lack of a better term. @catwoman7 I can completely relate to eye-rolling in the past when people have bemoaned a 10lb weight loss issue - I just wanted to say "hold my beer and watch this!" Or my favorite... "I've gained 5lbs and I just have to get it off." - My thoughts "You vain *#&$, try losing 100lbs..." Again, now I can totally relate to panic mode if there's that much of a change - Ah... skinny people problems... I consider myself beyond lucky to have them now!

I know most folks here can relate - I'm well over a year out and these last 10lbs to my "real" goal are just killing me. I jump back on the bandwagon for a week or so and lose 2-3 lbs and then gain them back for no apparent reason (other than hormones and such) which of course puts me in a mood to just give up and go back to normal maintenance... then again, lose/gain the same 2-3 lbs over the next few weeks. Particularly when everyone is commenting on how great you look and "WOW, you are killing it, you look smaller every time I see you." No dammit - I want to lose at least another 10-20 lbs...
I know what I need to do, just can't seem to get in the right headspace for more than a week or two.