Steph0625

So I'm 22 and have never been on a date before. I decided to try POF (online dating) and have guys messaging me now. I've been interested in a few and they always ask why I'm single. I like to be honest so I tell the ones I'm really interested in that I was shy and overweight most of my life (or something like that) and that I recently had VSG. Some take it well, others don't ( I don't really care lol)
My problem is that this is completely uncharted territory for me, and I'm just not sure how to act. I don't really want it to be obvious that I've never dated when we go out. Because I have no idea how to be with someone as more than friends.
It's bad enough to deal with that, but I'm also hesitant because I have quite a bit of loose skin. Most guys in their 20s aren't used to this being an issue. It has become my biggest insecurity now. But I don't want that to hold me back either...
Any advice for me? Anyone else experience this?

Thanks everyone for the advice! Of course you have to be careful when meeting people you've spoken to online. I was skeptical because of that.
For those that say to just do things I enjoy, I do try to meet people that way. But when the only thing you do is go to the gym after work, and occasionally go out to the bars (country dancehall) it's kinda hard to find people to connect with. I just don't have a lot of people that have time to go do things with me, or our schedules don't match up very well.
I'm also very shy when it comes to flirting and getting to know a guy that I might be interested in. Idk if thats from lack of practice, being overweight/unnoticed my whole life, or just a quirk of mine. So I have a hard time meeting guys when I am doing the things I enjoy. I'm pretty sure I have resting b*tch face when I'm at the gym lol

Also, in that last picture, I was told I look angry lol I guess that's just my "resting gym face"
Really I was just trying not to be obvious about taking a picture lol

Well hell yeah I'm checking them out! lol It's sad, but thats somewhat of a motivator to go as often as I do. I'm also loving the results that I'm getting, but a little eye candy never hurts
@@Pillar2butterfly Haha I'm not confident enough yet to ask for a spotter. Maybe I'll get to that eventually! And I hope you're right about the sweat because I had an "incident" the other day. I usually work out at night so the gym isn't so hot. I wore under armor compression shorts under my maurices brand yoga pants. The UA wicks the sweat away, but when I was sitting or kneeling on the bench, my yoga pants just soaked it all up lol It was a bit embarrassing because I do workout in the free weight section and there was a lot of people there that day. I kinda just said F-it, but thats why I mentioned the staring. I'm just going to embrace it from now on lol
Thank you! @@KristenLe @@BigViffer @@jane13

You are doing great and looking sexy.
Finding your stride indeed.
I'm appreciative of you using the bigger weights because that leaves the light stuff available for my old arse to lift.
Finding solace in the gym is one of the sweet victories of post op living.
I'm working this weekend but am looking forward to my lunchtime lift sessions. It's a pleasant way to break up the workday. I"ll be off on Monday and looking forward to my gym time that morning.
I think that part of the fun is simply being surrounded by motivated folks. It's really an emotional boost. That...and being able to enjoy my iTunes and push myself.

I wanted to do some progress pic updates if anyone is interested!
 
Also, I've definitely gained a lot of confidence about working out at the gym since I last posted! I've actually been hit on there too lol unless I'm reading too much into guys "helping" me take the 45 lbs plates off the bench press ????
But there is something wrong with me! I had a very attractive guy offer to spot me if I needed it and my reply?! Okay, thanks... ???? and I went on to say I just needed lighter weights. Smh
In my defense, I was struggling with my military presses because all of the lighter weights were being used, so I looked (and felt) ridiculous trying to do so much weight lol
But it made me realize I have no game. And now I'm wondering if I'll ever work up the confidence to talk to him again (he usually works out with another guy so it's a little more intimidating to approach him)

So I've been overweight since I was a child, and lets just say I'm not used to guys looking at me - at least without thinking that it was just because I was overweight or they were disgusted. But now I feel like a lot of guys are looking at me in the gym and I have no clue if its because I'm attractive, I have sweat marks on my clothes (gross but it is the gym... lol), or whatever reason I come up with (such as my butt is too big) .
I get that a lot of my problem is with my self image, but how do I know if its because they find me attractive, or for a whole other reason. I'm just very inexperienced with male attention and how to react to it Guys, what is your input on this? Ladies, have you dealt with this before? Any advice is appreciated!
And its not like I'm wearing anything revealing, at least not in my opinion.
 

Thanks @@jenn1 I'm seeing some progress in my muscle definition finally!
I definitely use that eye candy as motivation ???? I'm just working on the flirting part haha

Also, in that last picture, I was told I look angry lol I guess that's just my "resting gym face"
Really I was just trying not to be obvious about taking a picture lol

I wanted to do some progress pic updates if anyone is interested!
 
Also, I've definitely gained a lot of confidence about working out at the gym since I last posted! I've actually been hit on there too lol unless I'm reading too much into guys "helping" me take the 45 lbs plates off the bench press ????
But there is something wrong with me! I had a very attractive guy offer to spot me if I needed it and my reply?! Okay, thanks... ???? and I went on to say I just needed lighter weights. Smh
In my defense, I was struggling with my military presses because all of the lighter weights were being used, so I looked (and felt) ridiculous trying to do so much weight lol
But it made me realize I have no game. And now I'm wondering if I'll ever work up the confidence to talk to him again (he usually works out with another guy so it's a little more intimidating to approach him)

So I've been overweight since I was a child, and lets just say I'm not used to guys looking at me - at least without thinking that it was just because I was overweight or they were disgusted. But now I feel like a lot of guys are looking at me in the gym and I have no clue if its because I'm attractive, I have sweat marks on my clothes (gross but it is the gym... lol), or whatever reason I come up with (such as my butt is too big) .
I get that a lot of my problem is with my self image, but how do I know if its because they find me attractive, or for a whole other reason. I'm just very inexperienced with male attention and how to react to it Guys, what is your input on this? Ladies, have you dealt with this before? Any advice is appreciated!
And its not like I'm wearing anything revealing, at least not in my opinion.
 

Also, in that last picture, I was told I look angry lol I guess that's just my "resting gym face"
Really I was just trying not to be obvious about taking a picture lol

I wanted to do some progress pic updates if anyone is interested!
 
Also, I've definitely gained a lot of confidence about working out at the gym since I last posted! I've actually been hit on there too lol unless I'm reading too much into guys "helping" me take the 45 lbs plates off the bench press ????
But there is something wrong with me! I had a very attractive guy offer to spot me if I needed it and my reply?! Okay, thanks... ???? and I went on to say I just needed lighter weights. Smh
In my defense, I was struggling with my military presses because all of the lighter weights were being used, so I looked (and felt) ridiculous trying to do so much weight lol
But it made me realize I have no game. And now I'm wondering if I'll ever work up the confidence to talk to him again (he usually works out with another guy so it's a little more intimidating to approach him)

Thank you! And I'm working on it lol

Also, in that last picture, I was told I look angry lol I guess that's just my "resting gym face"
Really I was just trying not to be obvious about taking a picture lol

I wanted to do some progress pic updates if anyone is interested!
 
Also, I've definitely gained a lot of confidence about working out at the gym since I last posted! I've actually been hit on there too lol unless I'm reading too much into guys "helping" me take the 45 lbs plates off the bench press ????
But there is something wrong with me! I had a very attractive guy offer to spot me if I needed it and my reply?! Okay, thanks... ???? and I went on to say I just needed lighter weights. Smh
In my defense, I was struggling with my military presses because all of the lighter weights were being used, so I looked (and felt) ridiculous trying to do so much weight lol
But it made me realize I have no game. And now I'm wondering if I'll ever work up the confidence to talk to him again (he usually works out with another guy so it's a little more intimidating to approach him)

Thank you! And I'm working on it lol

@@Steph0625 You look fantastic!!! Congrats!!! Step up your game - work on those flirting skills!

I wanted to do some progress pic updates if anyone is interested!
 
Also, I've definitely gained a lot of confidence about working out at the gym since I last posted! I've actually been hit on there too lol unless I'm reading too much into guys "helping" me take the 45 lbs plates off the bench press ????
But there is something wrong with me! I had a very attractive guy offer to spot me if I needed it and my reply?! Okay, thanks... ???? and I went on to say I just needed lighter weights. Smh
In my defense, I was struggling with my military presses because all of the lighter weights were being used, so I looked (and felt) ridiculous trying to do so much weight lol
But it made me realize I have no game. And now I'm wondering if I'll ever work up the confidence to talk to him again (he usually works out with another guy so it's a little more intimidating to approach him)

Thanks everyone for the advice! Of course you have to be careful when meeting people you've spoken to online. I was skeptical because of that.
For those that say to just do things I enjoy, I do try to meet people that way. But when the only thing you do is go to the gym after work, and occasionally go out to the bars (country dancehall) it's kinda hard to find people to connect with. I just don't have a lot of people that have time to go do things with me, or our schedules don't match up very well.
I'm also very shy when it comes to flirting and getting to know a guy that I might be interested in. Idk if thats from lack of practice, being overweight/unnoticed my whole life, or just a quirk of mine. So I have a hard time meeting guys when I am doing the things I enjoy. I'm pretty sure I have resting b*tch face when I'm at the gym lol

Thanks! I'm not ashamed or hiding any aspect of my journey. I believe in honesty and would rather they know and still go forward with it than have to explain why I eat so little later (or why I need to eat so often). But I don't tell every single guy that messages me either. Just the ones I think might become something more.
I just feel like it's really rare nowadays to be 22 and never have dated before. It makes the idea of a first date even more nerve wracking.

I found the love of my life on POF. We have been together for almost 2 years and are now engaged to be married!
I never had time to meet anyone between going to work, the gym, and being a mom. I'm so glad I finally gave online dating a chance after being so afraid to try it for so many years. I am pre op and I just finished my 6 months of doctors visits and everything else that my insurance required for me to do to be able to get the gastric bypass. My fiance has been my biggest supporter through it all. I hope you have fun and enjoy dating and I hope that eventually you find your other half along the way. Best of luck to you!
Sent from my KYOCERA-C6745 using the BariatricPal App

Thanks everyone for the advice! Of course you have to be careful when meeting people you've spoken to online. I was skeptical because of that.
For those that say to just do things I enjoy, I do try to meet people that way. But when the only thing you do is go to the gym after work, and occasionally go out to the bars (country dancehall) it's kinda hard to find people to connect with. I just don't have a lot of people that have time to go do things with me, or our schedules don't match up very well.
I'm also very shy when it comes to flirting and getting to know a guy that I might be interested in. Idk if thats from lack of practice, being overweight/unnoticed my whole life, or just a quirk of mine. So I have a hard time meeting guys when I am doing the things I enjoy. I'm pretty sure I have resting b*tch face when I'm at the gym lol

I was the same way! I started dating in March. it's been fun go see what's out there and to go on dates. Nothing has stuck yet, but it's fun trying!! I've never brought up surgery or anything. I just say I eat healthy and work out just general stuff. Now if it goes anywhere I would, but nothing has yet.

@@Steph0625, I forgot.
You'll come across the good, the bad and the ugly on the websites and other dating options. Always apply high standards. You have the right to choose; it's your responsibility to yourself.
You also wrote that, at 22, it's nerve-racking. Let me whisper this: It was nerve-racking at 16 or so and it stays that way whenever someone wants to get into the dating pool. Mostly.
@@KristenLe, I tried to give you a "like" on your note, but my "like" function isn't registering there.