LovinSoul

Yep....my sex drive is back and I haven't felt so interested since before my daughter was born 17 years ago! I also have a very happy hubby. I am post menopausal, but that doesn't seem to be an issue one way or another. I really think it's a head thing for me. I like the new me, feel good about my efforts and successes, and have improved my looks and fitness so much at the gym that I finally have a consistent desire to be touched and loved again. At 60 I'm pretty sure it's not hormonal...lol. Maybe the younger women are experiencing something similar, not anything hormonal?

How about ordering more of a normal portion of food (like what your friends order) and boxing most of it to take home? It will cost more, but you'll at least walk out of the restaurant with a meal or two for another time. Maybe you'll have less resentment about the bill? and you won't miss out on the fun!

I'm with you. Not a three year vet, but am 18 mos. along the path and this forum has always been the most meaningful to me. I also have had some experience with newbies who have found my responses to their "bad" decisions hard to accept. I hold with being verbally kind and tolerant of difficult times and choices to make, but I am convinced that honesty and sharing your core values is just as key.
As a former school counselor, I occasionally had parents call me and say "but what you said to my child made her cry!" in criticism of my work. Often that child entered the room looking for my validation of his/her self-destructive behavior. Yes, I do believe I had learned enough in 40+ years to know when a teenager was lost and needed a bit of direction. The teen was there for someone to listen and acknowledge their pain, but they also wanted me to point possible ways out to them. Sometimes "the way" is hard to hear. My response to the parent was often "change is painful, and sometimes the truth hurts, but it's the only path to growth." Sometimes dealing with the difficulties following bariatric surgery can make us similar to the kids I counseled, lost and looking for guidance, but sensitive to hearing hard truths. As long as we're not vindictive, spiteful, mean or insensitive and try to be empathetic as we respond, we are more than relevant. And if sometimes we are misunderstood in our candor, at least we're being real and genuine. Can't please everyone.

I'm with you. Not a three year vet, but am 18 mos. along the path and this forum has always been the most meaningful to me. I also have had some experience with newbies who have found my responses to their "bad" decisions hard to accept. I hold with being verbally kind and tolerant of difficult times and choices to make, but I am convinced that honesty and sharing your core values is just as key.
As a former school counselor, I occasionally had parents call me and say "but what you said to my child made her cry!" in criticism of my work. Often that child entered the room looking for my validation of his/her self-destructive behavior. Yes, I do believe I had learned enough in 40+ years to know when a teenager was lost and needed a bit of direction. The teen was there for someone to listen and acknowledge their pain, but they also wanted me to point possible ways out to them. Sometimes "the way" is hard to hear. My response to the parent was often "change is painful, and sometimes the truth hurts, but it's the only path to growth." Sometimes dealing with the difficulties following bariatric surgery can make us similar to the kids I counseled, lost and looking for guidance, but sensitive to hearing hard truths. As long as we're not vindictive, spiteful, mean or insensitive and try to be empathetic as we respond, we are more than relevant. And if sometimes we are misunderstood in our candor, at least we're being real and genuine. Can't please everyone.

Would it be wrong of me to suggest you not describe this wonderful feeling as "vanity" but perhaps as pride in yourself for a well-done success? I also find myself taking more time with my appearance than I have for many years and, personally, I think this is a sign I am mentally healthier. Self-esteem is important and we gain it when we've made a hard and needed change,which you have done! Don't call it vanity. Everyone appreciates positive regard. It's just so human! Go and enjoy the positive feedback! (and ignore any naysayers, if that happens)

Good that you never had that resentment going on, but @@OKCPirate I do experience that resentment. When people who used to look right through me in social situations now find it appropriate to comment on my appearance, I find it so amazingly rude. For me it highlights the fact that they have serious issues surrounding appearances (particularly weight) as it relates to me specifically. But, of course, so must I if I resent it so much. So there you go! I'd like to say appearances don't matter to me, but clearly I'm concerned about them as well. I hope I never made someone feel invisible, though. That is just such a bad way to feel.

I'm not really resentful.. the attention is sometimes a little weird for me.. I've always dressed well, worked out.. and done my makeup and hair.. but I actually feel pretty. I've always been told I had a good personality.. I don't really blame anyone.. I'm superficial at times myself.

@@Chrystee - This is a tough one for women. The new attention is initially fun, but also brings resentment for being objectified. And then you get mad for being ignored in the past while you were fat/invisible. If this really becomes an issue you might want to talk to a therapist about it. We all want "normal" in our lives, and sometimes we need help to transition to a new normal to prevent unconscious self-sabotage. Maybe not you, but others reading this thread.

Oh absolutely. When I was obese, I was invisible. Somewhere on my weight loss journey, I started to feel better about myself and began to wear makeup and do my hair. I had already started to wear more fashionable clothes. You find that you carry yourself differently...more confidently..and it starts to occur to you that people...both men and woman...are noticing. Now...if you really want to attract male attention...wear a dress. I've been wearing dresses to work regularly for a little over a year and can't help but notice how guys not only hold open doors, but they let me in and out of the elevators first, they even let me get ahead of them on the lunch line.

I'm with you. Not a three year vet, but am 18 mos. along the path and this forum has always been the most meaningful to me. I also have had some experience with newbies who have found my responses to their "bad" decisions hard to accept. I hold with being verbally kind and tolerant of difficult times and choices to make, but I am convinced that honesty and sharing your core values is just as key.
As a former school counselor, I occasionally had parents call me and say "but what you said to my child made her cry!" in criticism of my work. Often that child entered the room looking for my validation of his/her self-destructive behavior. Yes, I do believe I had learned enough in 40+ years to know when a teenager was lost and needed a bit of direction. The teen was there for someone to listen and acknowledge their pain, but they also wanted me to point possible ways out to them. Sometimes "the way" is hard to hear. My response to the parent was often "change is painful, and sometimes the truth hurts, but it's the only path to growth." Sometimes dealing with the difficulties following bariatric surgery can make us similar to the kids I counseled, lost and looking for guidance, but sensitive to hearing hard truths. As long as we're not vindictive, spiteful, mean or insensitive and try to be empathetic as we respond, we are more than relevant. And if sometimes we are misunderstood in our candor, at least we're being real and genuine. Can't please everyone.

At 2.5 years out, I feel as if I am absolutely relevant, but completely **** upon because some people CHOOSE to take my words as attacks/judgmental/bullying/etc when I truly don't intend them that way.

I am not a warm fuzzy kind of girl. I never have been and I never will be. Seemingly, my personality was just FINE when I was "one of them" (newbie), but now that I am past those initial stages, I am a big old meanie. I try to remember that "newbies" are sensitive and hormonal, nervous and emotional but that said, I can't/won't coddle bad decisions. No one coddled me and I learned the most from people who told me their truths. Even when I couldn't relate, I appreciated that they shared with me their real feelings instead of justifying mine.

I, too, feel that I only "get" from the vet forums and maintenance forums, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to "give" in the other forums. Some will appreciate it, some will not. Those who do can take it, those who don't can leave it.

It's their choice, their gain, or their problem.

As a newbie, I looked to veterans to know what to expect as time passed. I found that more than relevant, I found it invaluable. As a veteran, I still look to those who have gone before me for the same information and guidance. I find it more than relevant, I find it invaluable. So you, Proud Granny, Sleeve 4 Me, Queen of Crop, FeedYourEyes, and all of the vets-- are relevant to me!
Occasionally I reply to folks that are early out but usually I stick to the general WLS threads, veteran's forum and maintenance areas. I simply can't stomach (pun intended) responding to one more "I drank an entire Big Gulp of Coke 2 days post op, did I break my sleeve?" or any other question that for lack of better word is idiotic. So in that vein, I never put myself in the line of fire to be accused of bashing, etc. I use the Bambi philosophy (if I can't say anything nice, I don't say anything) so thank you (and Lipstick Lady, etc) for "taking one for the team" when you give accurate and thoughtful answers to questions like that. However, I also agree that we are irrelevant at times to newbies because if a response does not fit within the answers they expected to get, then it is deemed unacceptable, i.e. you are bashing, judgmental and/or unsupportive. Obviously, Jane, anyone who has read more than one of your posts knows that couldn't be further from the truth. In those instances I take my jacks and go home. I don't reply, I don't play the game and frankly even if I did reply and someone got upset from it, I also recognize that it won't matter.
So many of the folks that post here that get all riled up, drop off this site within a few months post op anyway and We are still here doing what we need to do to be successful and supportive.

To answer you question, the answer is NO! I am no longer relevant!
I have been through the basics, completed the process..and have moved onto living a normal life again with no worries about dieting, gaining or loosing weight...I can eat and drink foods people on diets would never dream of...
It seems like every other post is about whether someone can eat a cookie, or what do I use with dip....how about chips? Or crackers? That's what I use, but people starting out can't hear that, nor would they understand.
Sometimes, it seems like I have stumbled upon a Jenny Craig or weight watchers website....Over the last 30 years or so, I have been on every diet known...and it's all the same old mantra, and I am reading it here every day again and again.
The latest is strategies dealing with Halloween ????? I happen to like Reeces cups or Hershey bars...and the thing is, I don't expect people to understand what I just said.
There is huge gap between veterans and people starting out....like babies learning to walk and marathon runners....
Bottom line, I have come to a place that people just starting out can never dream of being a reality...We simply cannot relate, and honestly they are probably better off not knowing half the things I have discovered...(There is a life after weight loss)
It only confuses and distracts them.
Only thing me and people starting out have in common, is I can say "I've been there, done that" And know this, it will take you to places you never dreamed possible....IT DOES WORK!!!!
Sooner or later you will (Have to) finish this and move into a new realm.
All Journeys (I don't like the term) must come to and end sooner or later, otherwise your wandering around the wilderness forever....(making everyone in this business rich)
Everyone on this forum today, was not here when I first came (with the exception of one or two)
Where did everybody go???? Did they ALL FAIL? I don't think so...Like graduating from High School they have all moved on to bigger and better things...why would they want to hang around? (I keep asking myself that question)
Sad part about this is, when you come to this forum, all you do hear and read is people just starting out with no first hand experience, people complaining, lost, frustrated, confused looking for answers...and/or just having major, serious complications.
It would be easy to think that this is all there is to all this....when in reality everyone here is a minority...a very small segment....there is a whole world out there of "Veterans" you don't even know about and never hear about.
Not everyone has had problems...not everyone has found this difficult....and sometimes all that can be interpreted as negative...and when you're up, you don't need to be around that all the time.
Yes, there is a Veterans section here...but is it really?
To a very large extent I have to keep my mouth shut, keep my opinions to myself.
Many just would not understand.
I have definitely become Irrelevant....

Pet peeve - going out with a group of friends and they eat appetizers, main course, dessert and several bottles of wine... I have a salad or appetizer... At the end of the meal they say "Let's just split the check.". Since I haven't told too many people about the wls, I don't want to bring attention to it. So, in the past few months I haven't joined the gang...

My regrowth is similar and I have all kinds of flyaway, frizz at my neck, and odd pieces. Frustrating,but I'm thrilled it's all growing back in great!(surgery 9/14) My hair stylist has me using something called "Brazilian Blowout" smoothing serum which helps smooth everything when I'm styling to go out somewhere. I also don't wash my hair everyday....too drying. A little trick he taught me to
manage the flyaways at my part...Spray a little hairspray on your palms and lightly run your palms over the flyaways toward your hair and they'll go down and stick to your hair.

I'm a big fan of Fage 0% with fruit. It's tasty and has lots of Protein. You could also have Fage o% plain and add a mix of nuts and splenda.

Hello everyone! I am looking to the veterans out there that lost a significant amount of hair and have experienced changes during regrowth.
I lost a good 2/3 of my hair during my journey. It began at month 2 post op and I had severe shedding until month 12 when weight loss for me slowed down. At month 12 I noticed that I hardly had any more shedding. I took Biotin from the beginning.
I was at full Protein fairly quickly following surgery and all my macronutrients have been excellent. I just tend to have more shedding when my body is traumatized.
Now the good news is my hair has been regrowing all along and the thickness is back. Yay!
The strange thing is the texture of my hair has changed significantly and it literally is coming back in Curly and I do mean curly. I have ringlets especially in the back and underneath.
I always had body to my hair but I would never call it curly.
I can handle the curls, what is bothering me is the texture is quite frizzy especially on top. I have yet to figure out how to deal with the frizz. I try straightening it, using products for curly hair and even used hairspray to try to get it to lay down. Nothing seems to work.
Has anyone experienced this and do you have any suggestions that I could try? It is now taking me forever when I wash it and honestly I no longer wash it daily because 2 or 3 days later it is easier to deal with.
My hair is thick again and I love that it is all coming back but never had it come back with such a weird texture. I spoke with both my hair dresser and my dermatologist who specializes in hair. He actually mentioned that my hair is behaving much like a cancer patient who lost their hair due to chemo. This happens a lot apparently but no one can tell me how to get it to defrizz.
Any suggestions would be appreciated!

Yep....my sex drive is back and I haven't felt so interested since before my daughter was born 17 years ago! I also have a very happy hubby. I am post menopausal, but that doesn't seem to be an issue one way or another. I really think it's a head thing for me. I like the new me, feel good about my efforts and successes, and have improved my looks and fitness so much at the gym that I finally have a consistent desire to be touched and loved again. At 60 I'm pretty sure it's not hormonal...lol. Maybe the younger women are experiencing something similar, not anything hormonal?

This thread is cracking me up....I was so effing big I didn't want to do it.....so sad....but here I am 9 mos out and 94 lbs. down and I'm back. Believe me.... I'm 60 and it ALL is great again. no issues with any sex, oral or other. LOL

I'm with mostly everyone else. No, I don't miss food because I seem to be able to have mostly what I want in moderation and do pretty strictly limit all the white foods...bread, Pasta, potatoes, etc. And I have found great choices on many restaurants 'light' menus. I don't miss foods, but I must admit I miss being able to eat a lot of favorite foods at a meal sometimes. Like, I love good beef steak sometimes and miss being able to eat more or it, but in the big picture it's a small sacrifice for feeling, looking and being soooo much better and healthier!

This thread is cracking me up....I was so effing big I didn't want to do it.....so sad....but here I am 9 mos out and 94 lbs. down and I'm back. Believe me.... I'm 60 and it ALL is great again. no issues with any sex, oral or other. LOL

I had pretty significant Hair loss starting about 3 months after surgery. Lost hair starting at the front of my head and moving toward the back. Happy to say it stopped last month (8 mos after surgery). Have been taking Biotin and it seems to really make my hair and nails grow faster and healthier. The hair loss can be distressing but it really does stop. I think it was well worth it now that I've lost 90 pounds!

Well, my week vaca got me.....I'm up to 224 yesterday (Monday). Back and trying hard again, but have a surgery tomorrow....I won't be able to exercise for awhile. Will pretty surely not make goal but can keep trying!

Well, my week vaca got me.....I'm up to 224 yesterday (Monday). Back and trying hard again, but have a surgery tomorrow....I won't be able to exercise for awhile. Will pretty surely not make goal but can keep trying!

@VSGAnn214
Always love your posts but this one is great. So sensible and well-thought out, plus I appreciate your approach that addresses your personal idiosyncrasies and goals. I think we all should worry less about a "cookie-cutter" approach and, while listening to our professional guides, do what makes sense for our own body and weight loss. Good one!