His Fairest

I had that reaction at first. I was eating so much I put on 10 pounds. Now I am ok, That desire to eat is the old me. That's the false identity I created to cope with the pains of life. She is dying. She is fighting for her life. She knows she is dying and she is throwing everything at me to save her life. It's hard. It is painful, but I'm letting her die.
There is a thread I started called 'Celebrating a death tonight'. In it someone posted to links to a podcast you might want to listen to about how to succeed as a wls patient....how to make sure you don't regain the weight. Good luck.

I got the surgery May 23, 2014

I made this water bottle to help me drink more... I fill it up twice a day & sip all day

Thank you so much for the Prayer's! I will be praying for you also!

Awesome! I'm hoping for end of March or the first week in April.
I handle life with prayer. I will be praying for you as you start this exciting journey!

Your success is inspiring! Thank you for responding. I'm learning by "listening" to people who have gone before me in this that it takes time and that slow and steady really does win the race. As for the emotional eating - I think this is going to be a big wake-up call for me...but I think it will probably prompt me to journal more and (eventually) to take my frustrations on a long run through the local park. I used to love to run when I was thinner.
Best wishes to you, and congrats on the new you. :-)

I am waiting for a date. Scared and excited at same time. U Go GIRL!!!

3/20/15.
I start my pre-op diet 3/6/15. I am so excited!

So I'm almost 2 months out (Feb. 11) and I had posted pretty soon after surgery about not being sure that I had very much restriction (I was still on liquids at the time). Anyway, I've been carefully weighing and measuring, so although I would sometimes start to feel full, I had never had an "old normal" portion of food on my plate since surgery. Today I forgot to bring my Protein shake for lunch As a teacher, I decided to look at the lunch menu to see if anything would fit in with what I needed. They did have a cheeseburger option (trust me, it's not worthy of the name), but I decided to eat the meat without the bun. I COULDN'T EVEN FINISH IT :) I put it in mfp and I'm so happy because I didn't go off track and eat bread or breaded items that were available; I got really full off a partial hamburger patty; I'm still on track with my nutrition tracking and my Protein goals for the day. I feel lucky!!

Yes and yes!!!!! I spent 30yrs yo yo with weight. Being delusional of thimking i could still do this on my own. After 2 of my drs sent me to have this done i jumped on it. It was my time to get control an this was the tool i needed- yes first month for me was tuff..my surgeon told me if i can get thru first month I'll be fine for me it was a long month of relearning proper portion for my baby tummy but i did it an i was sick n tired of being fat depressed an using food as comfort. Id already been thru 10yrs of therapy, was finally dx with hashis on armour got my thyroid back in optimal range an i dont mean the regular guidlines i mean optimal guidelines i am 7 months post an hit 100 pds!! Yes i would do it in a heart beat..whats changed?? I have control over my life, my self esteem back stronger then ever an food does not control me! Luvn life again for the first time in over 35 yrs!! Being fat an accepting this was just the way it was meant to be for me absolutely not. I wish u the best.

Your success is inspiring! Thank you for responding. I'm learning by "listening" to people who have gone before me in this that it takes time and that slow and steady really does win the race. As for the emotional eating - I think this is going to be a big wake-up call for me...but I think it will probably prompt me to journal more and (eventually) to take my frustrations on a long run through the local park. I used to love to run when I was thinner.
Best wishes to you, and congrats on the new you. :-)

I'd wondered how this feels - the restriction. I'm glad you feel so good so often. Right now (pre-op) I feel so bad so often. I cannot wait to have my knees, back, and feet feel better without the weight. Congrats on your steady losses. :-)

You are doing fine! No worries! I never buy organic anything and the weight is moving in the right direction.
Just get up each day and make a plan. Protein, veggies, a little fruit if you can, Vitamins and Water. I have never bought expensive anything for this. I have an occasional hersheys kiss.... a small bite of a bagel.....a small bite of cake if I'm at a birthday party. Sometimes I even skip my protein......OH NO!....and eat pasta!! Guess what?.....I didn't gain a single pound from it! I plan for it. Exercise. Drink my Water. Get back on track. I don't have anything off course every single day....I have it about 1x a week or every other week.
I try to go into the store with the mindset that I am a normal woman eating a normal healthy diet....instead of I'm a WLS patient and have to abide by this program to a T or I will be fat forever.
You're human. Eat good healthy food most of the time and enjoy a bite of something "forbidden" when you please. Don't deprive yourself, it just makes you more frustrated. This is a permanent change. Make it work for you. Its your life! No worries!
PS.....anything that makes me feel guilty is off the table....Things that make me track every single calorie and every single movement makes me feel HORRIBLE if I am even slightly off. I write down what I eat and a close calculation of the calories and the Protein. That's it. If I see that I had Pasta on Monday I stay away from it the rest of the week. That's enough tracking for me. I did weight watchers and the point system still runs through my head and drive me bonkers! I exercise 3xs a week for 30 mins. I don't worry about what day, what time of day or what kind of exercise. I refuse to stress myself out over this!

For what it's worth, here's my "typical" day's menu:
As for carbs, mostly I get them from my shakes, Greek yogurt, and the very limited veggies I'm able to fit in after my Protein. Other doctors and nutritionists give you carb targets, but my doctor just says to limit them as much as possible. If you're not logging your food yet, I'd suggest using http://www.myfitnesspal.com/. It helps you keep track of your Protein and fluids, but also can help you figure out if anything is going off track and affecting your weight loss.
Okay, here's an example of my day:
I keep a 2-quart jug and a 24-oz Tervis tumbler (with a handle) both at home and at work. I count my morning Protein shake as a meal, not a Fluid. (30 grams of protein) 30-60 minutes later, I have a cup of coffee. (Count it as a Fluid if you like.) After that, I drink a 24-oz. tumbler of Decaf, sugar-free iced tea, like Crystal Light throughout the morning. (Lots of frequent sips) Then I walk for 40+ minutes. Then it's lunchtime - tuna salad or chicken salad, or leftover protein from dinner. (16-22 grams of protein) and maybe a bite of veggies if there's room. About 45 minutes after lunch, I'll fill another 24-oz tumbler of iced tea and sip that throughout the afternoon, finishing by 30 minutes before my afternoon snack.< /li> At around 4:00 or 4:30, my afternoon snack is usually a Greek yogurt (12 grams of protein) or some leftovers. (This is also a good time to get in some veggies or a V-8 if you're getting enough protein at other times.) Maybe a cup of hot tea in the later afternoon. (Count it as a fluid you like.) Then dinner – again, getting 20-25 grams of protein from lean steak, fish, chicken, or pork, and maybe a bite or two of veggies. Finally, another 24-oz cup of iced tea or Water 30-45 minutes after dinner that I sip throughout the evening. If I'm hungry later, sugar-free Jello or sugar-free popsicles are good. And if I'm short on protein or still hungry, another yogurt or Protein Shake. (I'm not worried about the calories because this menu only provides 700-900 per day.) So that's 70+ grams of protein and 72+ ounces of fluid, with some exercise as well. If you have a regular enough schedule, you can follow it every day. If not, maybe a modified version will work. The big trick is in pre-planning your meals and your fluids, especially if you're going to be away from home or work. In those cases, I always make sure there will be something I can eat, or I bring along a Protein shake or some kind of meat to carry me through. I've also gotten pretty good at restaurant eating. I avoid the bread and salad, order chicken, steak, lamb, fish, or pork, trade in the starch for a second veggie, skip the dessert.... and end up taking half of the meat, and almost all of the veggies home. I know we need to learn to eat "normally", but I'm not there yet – especially when it comes to carbs. When I get to goal weight, I'll work on finding my new low-carb "normal". Hope that helps! Rog

I did it! Everything went well. I'm in some pain, but it's being well managed and I'm relatively comfortable. Water goes down slowly and I had to have a catheter for my first pee( ouch! ). But overall doing well. The future is bright.
Not only am I going to be healthy, but while here got good news regarding acceptance into a school to learn winemaking and viticulture. I've been working hard to improve many parts of my life, and I'm starting to see it pay off.
Anyway, for those that are worried, it's not anything we can't hanfle.

I've had a fun incredible journey since October when I was sleeved. Today has been a nice, boring lazy Sunday. I cleaned out my closet and got rid of all my clothes that are too big. I found brand new shirts, pants, shorts etc that I had never worn. They were 1 and 2 x and up to a size 38 waist.
I ended up having three huge garbage bags full of clothes I can't wear any longer due to size.
I never thought the day would come when I couldn't fit into my XLT shirts. Now they look like a blanket on me.
So that being said, if your starting the journey, put this on your list. It'll make you realize how much progress you have made. As of this morning I'm down a grand total of 69 lbs from October.

Good morning,
Maybe you should read what you wrote from an outsiders perspective. If you read all of that, but it was about a friend or a stranger, what would your advice be?
Marriage only magnifies problems. If you're having this much trouble now -- it will certainly get way worse when you're married.
I hate saying that, but I've lived it. I've been divorced from it now for almost 12 years and it still haunts me and my daughters daily.
It is much better to realize this now instead of after you two have a marriage/family.
I'm saying this out of some hard-earned wisdom: get some serious relationship help now or get out.
I handle life with prayer. I'm praying for your situation today.
-Melissa

Good morning,
Maybe you should read what you wrote from an outsiders perspective. If you read all of that, but it was about a friend or a stranger, what would your advice be?
Marriage only magnifies problems. If you're having this much trouble now -- it will certainly get way worse when you're married.
I hate saying that, but I've lived it. I've been divorced from it now for almost 12 years and it still haunts me and my daughters daily.
It is much better to realize this now instead of after you two have a marriage/family.
I'm saying this out of some hard-earned wisdom: get some serious relationship help now or get out.
I handle life with prayer. I'm praying for your situation today.
-Melissa

Phew! My two cents for what it's worth.

First, at the risk of seeming redundant. Girl....paragraphs. There is a little edit button at the bottom of your post. Go back and add some, please. I am sure readers are going cross eyed and missing much of your message -- I know I did.

I am NOT a therapist. My "qualifications" are this: I was sleeved 20 months ago, I've experienced the journey, I've been happily married for 20 years (in March), with my husband for 23. I know how it feels to gain/lose and I have seen negativity from spouses regarding this decision (my bestie, not me personally).
He didn't have to ask you permission to have surgery. He didn't need your approval. I didn't ask my husband his opinion on the surgery, I told him what I was doing and I opened the floor for him to voice his concerns and ask questions. His concerns had ZERO influence on me, but as he is the insurance holder and my life partner, I figured it would be wise to at least ease any fears and give him some time to think about what I was choosing to do. Fortunately (for him) he was (reservedly) supportive. If he hadn't been, he would have been sorely disappointed because I was having the surgery no matter what. FOR ME.

It's MY opinion (and you know what they say about those), that your insecurity about your own weight struggles are an underlying theme here. He's losing weight despite what you think are bad food choices and habits while you fight for each pound. You are on your own weight loss journey and you want support from him that he's not giving you. You know, the same support you really aren't giving him.

Bottom line? It's not about you, cupcake. Your journey belongs to you and his journey belongs to him. You said (something to the effect of) he is influencing your food choices and exercise habits pre and post op? WHY?? I am a grown woman and I assume you are as well. NO ONE puts food in my mouth or tells me when or how I am going to exercise but me. Don't blame your choices on him, that's an excuse.


In turn, what he is putting in his mouth, and how often, has nothing to do with you. I don't care if he asks you for your input, I don't care how many books you've read, it's NOT your business. You stated that his doctor's words aren't gold and that he is putting his doctor's opinions over yours? At the risk of sounding harsh, his doctor's words are MUCH more golden than yours and he should put those opinions first. That's why he (you?) shelled out the big bucks.

His goal weight is ALSO none of your business. You say you have his health in mind, but it sounds to me like you care more about his appearance and what you are attracted to. I won't believe for a minute that his doctor is trying to get him to a weight that is unhealthy. You say your man would be FINE at 250 pounds? For that weight to be healthy, he would have to be 7 feet tall. You say he is big boned and has a football build? Even at 6'4" he would still be obese at that weight. That's not healthy unless he is Arnold Schwarzenegger at his prime. His surgical team should have him in regularly for blood work and nutrition follow up. Worry about those numbers more than the number on the scale.

(For the record, I do NOT live and die by a BMI scale. I am at my personal goal and still in the overweight category by 7 or 8 pounds, but I am muscular and have very low body fat. I also have about 5-7 pounds of skin that's wiggly and could be removed but I don't care enough to do anything about it. I am NOT, however, OBESE.)

As for the financial. You are making the (unwise!?!?) choice to support him. You aren't married. That's a whole notha' topic, not one that is any of MY business. It's also one I can tell you that I wouldn't give you any positive feedback if you were my friend or sister.

Good morning,
Maybe you should read what you wrote from an outsiders perspective. If you read all of that, but it was about a friend or a stranger, what would your advice be?
Marriage only magnifies problems. If you're having this much trouble now -- it will certainly get way worse when you're married.
I hate saying that, but I've lived it. I've been divorced from it now for almost 12 years and it still haunts me and my daughters daily.
It is much better to realize this now instead of after you two have a marriage/family.
I'm saying this out of some hard-earned wisdom: get some serious relationship help now or get out.
I handle life with prayer. I'm praying for your situation today.
-Melissa

Good morning,
Maybe you should read what you wrote from an outsiders perspective. If you read all of that, but it was about a friend or a stranger, what would your advice be?
Marriage only magnifies problems. If you're having this much trouble now -- it will certainly get way worse when you're married.
I hate saying that, but I've lived it. I've been divorced from it now for almost 12 years and it still haunts me and my daughters daily.
It is much better to realize this now instead of after you two have a marriage/family.
I'm saying this out of some hard-earned wisdom: get some serious relationship help now or get out.
I handle life with prayer. I'm praying for your situation today.
-Melissa

Good morning,
Maybe you should read what you wrote from an outsiders perspective. If you read all of that, but it was about a friend or a stranger, what would your advice be?
Marriage only magnifies problems. If you're having this much trouble now -- it will certainly get way worse when you're married.
I hate saying that, but I've lived it. I've been divorced from it now for almost 12 years and it still haunts me and my daughters daily.
It is much better to realize this now instead of after you two have a marriage/family.
I'm saying this out of some hard-earned wisdom: get some serious relationship help now or get out.
I handle life with prayer. I'm praying for your situation today.
-Melissa

Thanks for all of the responses and my apologies for lack of paragraphing!
Yes, the issues absolutely run deeper i agree, my concerns are that they all started when he moved in/made the surgery decision, so i guess i confuse myself on which was first and which is worse. I have attempted counseling with him and he will not go and i will be attending alone, regardless. Im awaiting a listing from my insurance company.
Though i do not think hes playing me, necessarily but yes there are days he absolutely needs to call the shots and days hes controlling-like. The surgery was a great thing for him and i completely understand him feeling better about himself and self esteem but how he relates to me is different.
But i think theres a lot of relevance in me backing off and I think I will try that approach in the interim of gaining neautral help. I will let him do whatever when it comes to his food, exercise, etc and i will do the same on my end.

* Sorry, i meant days he needs to call the shots and days hes far from controlling, as very lax

Make two lists: Concerning your relationship, What's in it for him? What's in it for you?
Instead of thinking "I love him, so why does he treat me this way?" start thinking "Why would I love someone who treats me this way?"
Why are you still there?
When your lease is up, move out and leave him there to deal with the landlord and sheriff. You make your own money and are supporting the both of you, even though he apparently does not contribute.
He needs someone he can control, and you need someone who values your opinions. He does not care about your health, but expects you to support his. It sounds like neither one of you is good for the other.
There is no good excuse to perpetuate a mistake. You don't need a marriage - you need distance. For all the inconvience involved in parting ways, the peace of mind is worth it.
(This comes from a woman who escaped from a diagnosed psych/sociopath in the middle of the night and spent some time in a women's shelter - I moved 300 miles away). My opinion may sound harsh, but life is too short to waste time with a jerk.