Keeper

couldn't have said it better. Very few people outside hubby and sisters know about my WLS. I am a stay-at-home mom who home schools my oldest. i don't get out much. THIS is my main form of support. Drama NOT needed.

Jamie - I've been reflecting on your post a lot today and thinking about what you said. I really do love 99% of my body. I love how tall I am. I love how long my legs are. I love that I have an athletic build that looks toned with little effort. I love the color of my hair and eyes. It really is my stomach that I'm obsessing over. The reality is, I have never liked my stomach. Even BEFORE I had children. It's never been toned. It's always been flabby. The love/hate relationship with my tummy has been going on for years.In my original post I was concerned that I would get obsessive and never be satisfied with the body I had. The more I thought about it, I don't think that would be the case. I live in a community where getting Botox and fillers injected into your face is the norm. I've never done that. I'm still debating if breast implants are something I would want if the husband magically changed his mind and was 100% behind me to get them. There are endless elective procedures I could of had up to this point if wanted to but never had. Why? I guess I just wasn't one to obsess over my looks that way. This is why this whole sudden obsession of mine around body image threw me for a loop. It suddenly wasn't good enough that I looked awesome in clothing. I wanted to look good NAKED. I really do think a tummy tuck may be all that is needed to put my mind at ease.... But I recognize there is some work I need to do on myself first. I have already decided that I would wait a year (summer 2016) to see how much my skin adjusts on its own and how much I can modify with exercise. That is the easy part. The harder part is tackling the body image stuff I wasn't prepared for post surgery.
Peeling back another layer of that onion (oops, apple!)

@@Keeper I can't explain you how much I love your husband's analogy. Thank you for sharing :-)

I agree! It's been a busy day and I'm just getting around to reading everyone's replies. Thank you for sharing your story and your inspiring words. I want I want I want..... My husband would say that would be the perfect tattoo for *me*

I don't know if my comment will add anything new to this discussion, but I wanted to share a conversation I had with my husband yesterday. I had one of the worst days since surgery and even before surgery yesterday. I joined a boot camp at a gym a few weeks ago and am working with a private trainer to help me n my way of getting fit. I go twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Well last Thursday I wasn't able to go because of getting a fill and another doctor's appointment that day. So I knew yesterday was going to be hellish, but still. I literally cried during the workout. I felt so ashamed at how hard it was, and angry that I let myself get to a point where I was so unhealthy and unfit. I literally high-tailed it out of the gym when it was over and sobbed in my car. When I was calmer, hubby and I talked and here is what he said:
We all carry two demons inside of us, the one who tells us we are nothing and the one that tells us we are perfect. The demon who tells us we are failures stands around trying to sell tickets to his fun house. Normally we are able to ignore it and go on about our days, but when we feel our most vulnerable, we succumb. We enter the fun house full of mirrors that reflect our failures, our regrets, our fears, our imperfections. And we are no better for having paid this visit to the fun house when we leave.
His words stuck with me all day and even into today, though I feel much better. I am still so early in the process. I have only lost 30 pounds so all I see is a fat person when I look in the mirror. I do try to find things about myself that I love. I have thin wrists and ankles, beautiful hands. I can appreciate my stretch marks from having carried two amazing children. My breasts have been saggy and flat-ish since puberty, lol (meaning I have never liked them and don't expect that to change. But they look good in a good bra!). I am in the camp that wants to get healthy, as of now. I am terrified of becoming dissatisfied once I lose weight. I don't want to wear a bikini necessarily, but I want to wear a one piece without a skirt. I have a tattoo on my wrist that says "I want, I want, I want." it is a quote from a book, but it has pertained so accurately to so many points in my life. The wanting but not knowing what I want; the wanting of things that seem impossible; the wanting of someone who has hope.
Like I said, I don't know if this adds anything, but as everyone above has stated, we have all felt this one, in one way or another. There are those of us that are 'jealous' of where you are - having lost your weight, feeling happy, proud, excited for you, and wanting the same for ourselves. We all battle this differently. I guess I just want to send virtual hugs and just say, "I *get* it. You aren't alone."

I don't know if my comment will add anything new to this discussion, but I wanted to share a conversation I had with my husband yesterday. I had one of the worst days since surgery and even before surgery yesterday. I joined a boot camp at a gym a few weeks ago and am working with a private trainer to help me n my way of getting fit. I go twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Well last Thursday I wasn't able to go because of getting a fill and another doctor's appointment that day. So I knew yesterday was going to be hellish, but still. I literally cried during the workout. I felt so ashamed at how hard it was, and angry that I let myself get to a point where I was so unhealthy and unfit. I literally high-tailed it out of the gym when it was over and sobbed in my car. When I was calmer, hubby and I talked and here is what he said:
We all carry two demons inside of us, the one who tells us we are nothing and the one that tells us we are perfect. The demon who tells us we are failures stands around trying to sell tickets to his fun house. Normally we are able to ignore it and go on about our days, but when we feel our most vulnerable, we succumb. We enter the fun house full of mirrors that reflect our failures, our regrets, our fears, our imperfections. And we are no better for having paid this visit to the fun house when we leave.
His words stuck with me all day and even into today, though I feel much better. I am still so early in the process. I have only lost 30 pounds so all I see is a fat person when I look in the mirror. I do try to find things about myself that I love. I have thin wrists and ankles, beautiful hands. I can appreciate my stretch marks from having carried two amazing children. My breasts have been saggy and flat-ish since puberty, lol (meaning I have never liked them and don't expect that to change. But they look good in a good bra!). I am in the camp that wants to get healthy, as of now. I am terrified of becoming dissatisfied once I lose weight. I don't want to wear a bikini necessarily, but I want to wear a one piece without a skirt. I have a tattoo on my wrist that says "I want, I want, I want." it is a quote from a book, but it has pertained so accurately to so many points in my life. The wanting but not knowing what I want; the wanting of things that seem impossible; the wanting of someone who has hope.
Like I said, I don't know if this adds anything, but as everyone above has stated, we have all felt this one, in one way or another. There are those of us that are 'jealous' of where you are - having lost your weight, feeling happy, proud, excited for you, and wanting the same for ourselves. We all battle this differently. I guess I just want to send virtual hugs and just say, "I *get* it. You aren't alone."

hi @@Drband14, getting your first fill is exciting - starting to get fills and expecting results is what keeps us going! But, and I know you have probably heard/read this, but just be patient with the process. I did not start to feel restriction until around my 3rd fill, but even then i could still eat foods with ease and more than I should. I know that, especially looking back, but it gets so much better. As for shakes, I disagree a bit. I agree that animal source of Protein is probably best, but don't forget the overall picture of making sure you are getting enough Protein in a day. I am never really hungry for breakfast; I've just never been a big Breakfast eater anyway, but even more so now. I like using a shake at this time because it helps with hydration in the morning as well as giving my protein a start to the day. I drink my coffee, a glass of Water, sometimes a shake and don't really eat until lunch. And I believe I am at my green because I am not eating large quantities and if I don't slow down or chew thoroughly enough, I am def at risk for getting stuck. But there is nothing like the feeling of not being hungry. But it took me 6 fills to get to this point. Everyone is different. There are people n here who have never had a fill or only one post-op. And then others like me where it takes time and doing it incrementally. Just hang in there and do your best to follow your doc's recommendations. I find the idea of no carbs for 3 months daunting, but if you can do it, that is awesome! I actually don't eat a ton of carbs like bread, Pasta, etc, but let me just say - chocolate goes down just fine, thankyouverymuch - lol!
It's good you have a nutritionist to see. That really is helpful and helps with accountability. Just hang in there and accept that everyone is different, and you will start to see and feel changes as you continue on this journey! good luck :-)

couldn't have said it better. Very few people outside hubby and sisters know about my WLS. I am a stay-at-home mom who home schools my oldest. i don't get out much. THIS is my main form of support. Drama NOT needed.

couldn't have said it better. Very few people outside hubby and sisters know about my WLS. I am a stay-at-home mom who home schools my oldest. i don't get out much. THIS is my main form of support. Drama NOT needed.

I don't know if my comment will add anything new to this discussion, but I wanted to share a conversation I had with my husband yesterday. I had one of the worst days since surgery and even before surgery yesterday. I joined a boot camp at a gym a few weeks ago and am working with a private trainer to help me n my way of getting fit. I go twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Well last Thursday I wasn't able to go because of getting a fill and another doctor's appointment that day. So I knew yesterday was going to be hellish, but still. I literally cried during the workout. I felt so ashamed at how hard it was, and angry that I let myself get to a point where I was so unhealthy and unfit. I literally high-tailed it out of the gym when it was over and sobbed in my car. When I was calmer, hubby and I talked and here is what he said:
We all carry two demons inside of us, the one who tells us we are nothing and the one that tells us we are perfect. The demon who tells us we are failures stands around trying to sell tickets to his fun house. Normally we are able to ignore it and go on about our days, but when we feel our most vulnerable, we succumb. We enter the fun house full of mirrors that reflect our failures, our regrets, our fears, our imperfections. And we are no better for having paid this visit to the fun house when we leave.
His words stuck with me all day and even into today, though I feel much better. I am still so early in the process. I have only lost 30 pounds so all I see is a fat person when I look in the mirror. I do try to find things about myself that I love. I have thin wrists and ankles, beautiful hands. I can appreciate my stretch marks from having carried two amazing children. My breasts have been saggy and flat-ish since puberty, lol (meaning I have never liked them and don't expect that to change. But they look good in a good bra!). I am in the camp that wants to get healthy, as of now. I am terrified of becoming dissatisfied once I lose weight. I don't want to wear a bikini necessarily, but I want to wear a one piece without a skirt. I have a tattoo on my wrist that says "I want, I want, I want." it is a quote from a book, but it has pertained so accurately to so many points in my life. The wanting but not knowing what I want; the wanting of things that seem impossible; the wanting of someone who has hope.
Like I said, I don't know if this adds anything, but as everyone above has stated, we have all felt this one, in one way or another. There are those of us that are 'jealous' of where you are - having lost your weight, feeling happy, proud, excited for you, and wanting the same for ourselves. We all battle this differently. I guess I just want to send virtual hugs and just say, "I *get* it. You aren't alone."

I don't know if my comment will add anything new to this discussion, but I wanted to share a conversation I had with my husband yesterday. I had one of the worst days since surgery and even before surgery yesterday. I joined a boot camp at a gym a few weeks ago and am working with a private trainer to help me n my way of getting fit. I go twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Well last Thursday I wasn't able to go because of getting a fill and another doctor's appointment that day. So I knew yesterday was going to be hellish, but still. I literally cried during the workout. I felt so ashamed at how hard it was, and angry that I let myself get to a point where I was so unhealthy and unfit. I literally high-tailed it out of the gym when it was over and sobbed in my car. When I was calmer, hubby and I talked and here is what he said:
We all carry two demons inside of us, the one who tells us we are nothing and the one that tells us we are perfect. The demon who tells us we are failures stands around trying to sell tickets to his fun house. Normally we are able to ignore it and go on about our days, but when we feel our most vulnerable, we succumb. We enter the fun house full of mirrors that reflect our failures, our regrets, our fears, our imperfections. And we are no better for having paid this visit to the fun house when we leave.
His words stuck with me all day and even into today, though I feel much better. I am still so early in the process. I have only lost 30 pounds so all I see is a fat person when I look in the mirror. I do try to find things about myself that I love. I have thin wrists and ankles, beautiful hands. I can appreciate my stretch marks from having carried two amazing children. My breasts have been saggy and flat-ish since puberty, lol (meaning I have never liked them and don't expect that to change. But they look good in a good bra!). I am in the camp that wants to get healthy, as of now. I am terrified of becoming dissatisfied once I lose weight. I don't want to wear a bikini necessarily, but I want to wear a one piece without a skirt. I have a tattoo on my wrist that says "I want, I want, I want." it is a quote from a book, but it has pertained so accurately to so many points in my life. The wanting but not knowing what I want; the wanting of things that seem impossible; the wanting of someone who has hope.
Like I said, I don't know if this adds anything, but as everyone above has stated, we have all felt this one, in one way or another. There are those of us that are 'jealous' of where you are - having lost your weight, feeling happy, proud, excited for you, and wanting the same for ourselves. We all battle this differently. I guess I just want to send virtual hugs and just say, "I *get* it. You aren't alone."

couldn't have said it better. Very few people outside hubby and sisters know about my WLS. I am a stay-at-home mom who home schools my oldest. i don't get out much. THIS is my main form of support. Drama NOT needed.

couldn't have said it better. Very few people outside hubby and sisters know about my WLS. I am a stay-at-home mom who home schools my oldest. i don't get out much. THIS is my main form of support. Drama NOT needed.

Awww, thank you so much for replying to my post. I am going to do my best to remain patient. I do pray I'm one of the lucky ones that can get to that sweet spot after one fill...wouldn't that be awesome?! The nutritionist did say I can have a Protein Shake in the morning when the band tends to be at the tightest. I, like you, have never been a huge Breakfast eater. This won't be an issue. I love Italian and Mexican food so the no carbs is going to be very challenging...hence the reason I've never done the South Beach diets! I am not giving up my dark chocolate. It has been so surprising reading everyone's stories at how different the band is for each of us. I love this site and all the support we can give one another. Thanks again for the helpful information.

I agree. I think even though we are human and have the right to our own opinions in life, this is a support group and need to be positive to one another. We have not a clue what is going on within others personal lives and this could possibly be the only way that someone is able to get the encouraging support they are seeking. I will not trash anyone else's personalities or need for advice. I have asked numerous question and looked to my fellow users for info and support. I just wish everyone luck and hope they succeed within their own journeys.

Monday, I found out that a coworker died suddenly because of an aneurism. One of my friends underwent surgery to remove a tumor...6 hours of surgery later, it was actually many tumors and now needs to go through chemo & radiation therapy. My sister in law just had a double mastectomy and is half way through Chemo.
Yet we (veterans, newbies, & the in between) are on a support board arguing with one another over some petty stuff in comparison. SMH. Isn't it exhausting to be mean, condescending, judgemental, sarcastic, and argumentative? Goodness gracious!

I don't know if my comment will add anything new to this discussion, but I wanted to share a conversation I had with my husband yesterday. I had one of the worst days since surgery and even before surgery yesterday. I joined a boot camp at a gym a few weeks ago and am working with a private trainer to help me n my way of getting fit. I go twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Well last Thursday I wasn't able to go because of getting a fill and another doctor's appointment that day. So I knew yesterday was going to be hellish, but still. I literally cried during the workout. I felt so ashamed at how hard it was, and angry that I let myself get to a point where I was so unhealthy and unfit. I literally high-tailed it out of the gym when it was over and sobbed in my car. When I was calmer, hubby and I talked and here is what he said:
We all carry two demons inside of us, the one who tells us we are nothing and the one that tells us we are perfect. The demon who tells us we are failures stands around trying to sell tickets to his fun house. Normally we are able to ignore it and go on about our days, but when we feel our most vulnerable, we succumb. We enter the fun house full of mirrors that reflect our failures, our regrets, our fears, our imperfections. And we are no better for having paid this visit to the fun house when we leave.
His words stuck with me all day and even into today, though I feel much better. I am still so early in the process. I have only lost 30 pounds so all I see is a fat person when I look in the mirror. I do try to find things about myself that I love. I have thin wrists and ankles, beautiful hands. I can appreciate my stretch marks from having carried two amazing children. My breasts have been saggy and flat-ish since puberty, lol (meaning I have never liked them and don't expect that to change. But they look good in a good bra!). I am in the camp that wants to get healthy, as of now. I am terrified of becoming dissatisfied once I lose weight. I don't want to wear a bikini necessarily, but I want to wear a one piece without a skirt. I have a tattoo on my wrist that says "I want, I want, I want." it is a quote from a book, but it has pertained so accurately to so many points in my life. The wanting but not knowing what I want; the wanting of things that seem impossible; the wanting of someone who has hope.
Like I said, I don't know if this adds anything, but as everyone above has stated, we have all felt this one, in one way or another. There are those of us that are 'jealous' of where you are - having lost your weight, feeling happy, proud, excited for you, and wanting the same for ourselves. We all battle this differently. I guess I just want to send virtual hugs and just say, "I *get* it. You aren't alone."

Oh, by the way. You CAN'T be an onion. Onions, no matter how much you peel them, don't have a core, and only make you cry. APPLES, however, have a core, and are sweet. (This is how I see people. You are either an apple or an onion, which would you RATHER be?) Have a great day!

hi @@Drband14, getting your first fill is exciting - starting to get fills and expecting results is what keeps us going! But, and I know you have probably heard/read this, but just be patient with the process. I did not start to feel restriction until around my 3rd fill, but even then i could still eat foods with ease and more than I should. I know that, especially looking back, but it gets so much better. As for shakes, I disagree a bit. I agree that animal source of Protein is probably best, but don't forget the overall picture of making sure you are getting enough Protein in a day. I am never really hungry for breakfast; I've just never been a big Breakfast eater anyway, but even more so now. I like using a shake at this time because it helps with hydration in the morning as well as giving my protein a start to the day. I drink my coffee, a glass of Water, sometimes a shake and don't really eat until lunch. And I believe I am at my green because I am not eating large quantities and if I don't slow down or chew thoroughly enough, I am def at risk for getting stuck. But there is nothing like the feeling of not being hungry. But it took me 6 fills to get to this point. Everyone is different. There are people n here who have never had a fill or only one post-op. And then others like me where it takes time and doing it incrementally. Just hang in there and do your best to follow your doc's recommendations. I find the idea of no carbs for 3 months daunting, but if you can do it, that is awesome! I actually don't eat a ton of carbs like bread, Pasta, etc, but let me just say - chocolate goes down just fine, thankyouverymuch - lol!
It's good you have a nutritionist to see. That really is helpful and helps with accountability. Just hang in there and accept that everyone is different, and you will start to see and feel changes as you continue on this journey! good luck :-)

I had my 5th fill (they have all been slow and incremental - slow and steady) last Thursday, and I think I can say with authority *this* time that I think I am at green! :-) I didn't lose a pound this past month. I was frustrated, especially after feeling so great initially, but I can say this. Yes, you (I) do get hungry, but comparing today to last month is night and day. I've never been a Breakfast eater so depending on what time I get up my first meal would generally be around 10. Today I don't think i ate until noon. And I am just now sort of getting hungry, but I know i will be cooking dinner soon. In the past I would have run for a snack, but right now I am like, "meh. I can probably wait." That feels amazing!!

you are so brave and awesome! I have always hated to run. hate it. But there is a part of me that wants to do this because I can only imagine what a sense of..empowerment one has when they can conquer running. Either by learning to love it or simply ding something that they once upon a time couldn't do. But I hear you on hip pain. I joined a gym and there are days that I ache, more my knees than anything.
but congrats! Proud of and for you!!

Wow thanks for posting. I'm 5 months out and hope to be where you are in 7 more months.

Way to go -- so happy for you! I hope to be able to post the same later this year. What a tremendous accomplishment. We have turned our lives around.

January 15, 2014 was my band date and over a year later I've lost a total of 90lbs with just watching what I eat (no excersize yet). I was 287 and I'm 197 now. My goal is 180 so I'm almost there (I'm 5'11"). Best decision I ever made. I feel and look amazing. If you are contemplating whether to get the band or not, GET IT! :-)

Like the judge who was asked to define pornography said - "I'll know it when I see it".
Same goes here. I'll know a rude comment when I see it and obviously the person(s) who complain about them do too. People who make them can continue ad infinitum, ad nauseum to try to defend them with all kinds of excuses about using back buttons, staying off here, freedom of speech and blaming the victim.
Notice how no one has to defend nice, helpful, supportive comments? That speaks volumes.