Keeper

I don't know if my comment will add anything new to this discussion, but I wanted to share a conversation I had with my husband yesterday. I had one of the worst days since surgery and even before surgery yesterday. I joined a boot camp at a gym a few weeks ago and am working with a private trainer to help me n my way of getting fit. I go twice a week on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Well last Thursday I wasn't able to go because of getting a fill and another doctor's appointment that day. So I knew yesterday was going to be hellish, but still. I literally cried during the workout. I felt so ashamed at how hard it was, and angry that I let myself get to a point where I was so unhealthy and unfit. I literally high-tailed it out of the gym when it was over and sobbed in my car. When I was calmer, hubby and I talked and here is what he said:
We all carry two demons inside of us, the one who tells us we are nothing and the one that tells us we are perfect. The demon who tells us we are failures stands around trying to sell tickets to his fun house. Normally we are able to ignore it and go on about our days, but when we feel our most vulnerable, we succumb. We enter the fun house full of mirrors that reflect our failures, our regrets, our fears, our imperfections. And we are no better for having paid this visit to the fun house when we leave.
His words stuck with me all day and even into today, though I feel much better. I am still so early in the process. I have only lost 30 pounds so all I see is a fat person when I look in the mirror. I do try to find things about myself that I love. I have thin wrists and ankles, beautiful hands. I can appreciate my stretch marks from having carried two amazing children. My breasts have been saggy and flat-ish since puberty, lol (meaning I have never liked them and don't expect that to change. But they look good in a good bra!). I am in the camp that wants to get healthy, as of now. I am terrified of becoming dissatisfied once I lose weight. I don't want to wear a bikini necessarily, but I want to wear a one piece without a skirt. I have a tattoo on my wrist that says "I want, I want, I want." it is a quote from a book, but it has pertained so accurately to so many points in my life. The wanting but not knowing what I want; the wanting of things that seem impossible; the wanting of someone who has hope.
Like I said, I don't know if this adds anything, but as everyone above has stated, we have all felt this one, in one way or another. There are those of us that are 'jealous' of where you are - having lost your weight, feeling happy, proud, excited for you, and wanting the same for ourselves. We all battle this differently. I guess I just want to send virtual hugs and just say, "I *get* it. You aren't alone."

When I met with my nutritionist pre-op, she told me that I would basically be doing (should do) Atkins for the rest of my life because of its emphasis on high protein/low carb. I've never done Atkins before so that was a bit scary to hear!
Fast forward 3 months post-op and for the month of February, my sister and I have committed to doing Whole 30. It is stricter than paleo but it isn't meant to be forever - just a 30 day system reboot. I am doing this because you have to give up ALL sugar, in any form including sweetners. fruit is the exception but I am limiting my fruit intake as well since I do not want to encourage my sweet tooth. I am so tired of having a sugar addiction and I think if I am going to be successful long term then I need to be done with this. Today is only day 2, so of course I feel optimistic, but I really am excited to be doing this. I would love to know if anyone else has done this.

Buzzfeed can be, well...buzzfeed. But then you get those little gems like the following. I smiled the whole way scrolling through these photos.
Enjoy!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/javiermoreno/the-beth-project#.jaZ2ozbPD

@@Miss Meg I would agree with others that adding exercise in makes a difference! I walk to school almost every day to pick up my youngest son. When I got started doing that, I tried to throw in an extra mile or just take a walk around the block. But about 2 months ago I joined a gym and worked out with a private trainer. I still have to fight the "only" demon- I've ONLY lost 35 pounds, etc. - but working my body has shaped it in ways that I am surprised by. Even when I step on the scale and it barely moves, I flex my calves and am like 'holy sh!t - they're like rocks!' That helped with the mind motivation.
But you aren't alone - I am in Dallas and it is hot and muggy already! And all I still want is comfort food, lol.

I've read that some people go Duran in size and some don't. I would LOVE to be in camp smaller!!! I have worn an 11 most of my life. Cute shoes are definitely limited. Needless to say, this makes me happy at even the prospect!! :-)

I'm simply echoing every one else, but I wanted to add that I very much felt like I was going to be the one person this wasn't going to work for. I think it was day 3 that I woke up and was literally like, "what the hell did I just do?!" But that was just a feeling, and lucky for us, feelings are fleeting. You can do this! It will be hard at times and it might even feel like it isn't working at times, but it will.

I have learned that this is a thing now. I may have to take it up
I am the same way. If I can justify it (IE it's still within my daily calorie allowance) I'm okay. But if not, I think I've completely blown it and the negative self talk begins.
The one thing that sticks in my mind is something a wonderful WW's leader I had years ago had said:
"If you're unloading the dishwasher and you drop and break a plate, you don't go ahead and break the rest of them, do you? It's the same with going off plan. Just because you went off for a bit, does't mean you can't immediately just get right back on like nothing happened. MOVE ON."

Been on this forum a while....I did leave for a while, about a year....it started to get to me and I had enough.
When I first had my surgery, and found this site, (Lapband Talk)...there were many veterans I considered my mentors, and followed their personal testimony's with interest...
But they are all gone......left.
I noticed there are many other people who are doing well that just "Drop off the Radar"...did they have a major setback? Failure?
Speaking from own feelings, I don't think so......bottom line, successful people simply do not fit in here, and don't have much in common....other than once upon a time they were beginners also.
*****I am 100% successful...lost ALL possible weight.
*****I finished this weight loss journey...done ...completed...reached my destination with a new life, a new outlook on what and how I eat, along with a love of exercise....
*****I have no hunger, no cravings, could care less about food or eating...a complete reversal from pre-surgery days.
*****I will never Diet again, I eat what I want, NOT avoiding life's pleasures such as ice cream, Beer/alcohol, chips, etc, etc.
*****I have no fear of overeating, the band sees to that...I have tried to overeat and find it impossible...does not matter where I'm at, vacation, a party, holiday dinner, venues may change but my surgery is a constant.....
*****As a person with Lap band surgery, I cannot comprehend the notion of "Getting off track"....or the need to re-focus and start over....as long as the band does not have any issues,. I have NO FEAR of ever gaining the weight back!
******I have NEVER had a single issue with my band...the beginning "learning Phase" was tough, VERY Tough...but once that was past, it has been the EASIEST thing I could have ever done.....I don't even think about it!
Bottom line, ALL my medical issues ( and there were many) have all been reversed or gone....I did have a heart attack, and that damage to the heart muscle is permanent..but tests show new arteries have branched out by-passing the damaged one...
I can on and on......
Having said all the above, sounds pretty good, right? YET...in a environment of negativity, I'm the odd ball here....I'm the one who has to make excuses...TOTALLY out of sync.
So why stick around? Because of all the negativity I feel SOMEONE has to stay in place and show people that this can and does work....
YET, by simply sharing your own life story, it hurts other people's feelings? They feel bullied???
It's no wonder successful veterans move on.
It got to me once and I left for a while, and it's starting to get to me again...
I see patients and families everyday in Clinic who are experiencing catastrophic medical situations, 10 times worse than anyone here is experiencing...(best of my knowledge) and I deal in Pediatrics so I see kids as early as 12 months old, whose lives will never be easy..... and yet I do not find anywhere as near, if any, negativity as is found on this forum....
It's crazy....either you want it or you don't....

Thanks all for the responses and support. It's nice to hear from others who are having similar journeys. I'll work on goal #1 first which is to permanently change my eating habits so that they become second nature. Then I'll work on goal #2 which is to sit back and enjoy the experience.

When at perfect restriction, I enjoyed food much more than prior to being banded, because it no longer triggered compulsive overeating or cravings. It was very freeing to know I was satisfied with a small portion of my band-compliant foods.
When too restricted, I did NOT enjoy eating at all. My stoma was far too small to allow for even hot liquids to pass, making eating a dreaded (and painful) event. I would have to loosen my bra, hunch my shoulders inward, take a small amount of tea or Water, and suffer while it passed through the banded area. I once spent 1.5 hours trying to get down two tablespoons of tuna mixed with mayo.< /p>
You are still in the learning curve and it is normal you are mindful of bite and portion size. You will always be mindful of this because if you aren't, and you take a too-big bite, your band will remind you of its presence. But your mind will shift from being worried about what you are eating, to naturally taking small bites and chewing well. It won't be such a chore, because you will modify your eating behavior in response to your band's presence.
Once you are at your sweet spot, you should really enjoy your meals and the freedom from the diet mentality. Perfectly filled, the band will allow you to eat like a naturally-thin person: small portions which leave you full(ish), and no compulsion to keep on eating.

I am basically 6 months post-op. I have lost 35 pounds, but I want to quantify that as "only 35 pounds." I struggle with this almost every single day.
BUT.
I now weigh 249. I have not been under 250 since late teens/early 20's. Yea to a new decade! Or maybe I should say old, haha.
I have now worked out with a private trainer twice a week for two months. This was unimaginable a few months ago!
I have an actual waist. Not just columnar hidden by chest and hips.
I have rock-hard, well defined legs.
I walk up my flight of stairs (I live on the 2nd floor) without huffing. I bring in laundry or groceries without straining my arms.
and one of my favorites?? My hubby can wrap his arms entirely around me, locking his fingers together. Also, my kids call me skinny but I think they have joke, but I'll take it!
So whether you are stalled, hit a plateau, fighting the 'only' demon like me, remember your NSV's. They are a vital part of this process.

I am basically 6 months post-op. I have lost 35 pounds, but I want to quantify that as "only 35 pounds." I struggle with this almost every single day.
BUT.
I now weigh 249. I have not been under 250 since late teens/early 20's. Yea to a new decade! Or maybe I should say old, haha.
I have now worked out with a private trainer twice a week for two months. This was unimaginable a few months ago!
I have an actual waist. Not just columnar hidden by chest and hips.
I have rock-hard, well defined legs.
I walk up my flight of stairs (I live on the 2nd floor) without huffing. I bring in laundry or groceries without straining my arms.
and one of my favorites?? My hubby can wrap his arms entirely around me, locking his fingers together. Also, my kids call me skinny but I think they have joke, but I'll take it!
So whether you are stalled, hit a plateau, fighting the 'only' demon like me, remember your NSV's. They are a vital part of this process.

Buzzfeed can be, well...buzzfeed. But then you get those little gems like the following. I smiled the whole way scrolling through these photos.
Enjoy!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/javiermoreno/the-beth-project#.jaZ2ozbPD

I am basically 6 months post-op. I have lost 35 pounds, but I want to quantify that as "only 35 pounds." I struggle with this almost every single day.
BUT.
I now weigh 249. I have not been under 250 since late teens/early 20's. Yea to a new decade! Or maybe I should say old, haha.
I have now worked out with a private trainer twice a week for two months. This was unimaginable a few months ago!
I have an actual waist. Not just columnar hidden by chest and hips.
I have rock-hard, well defined legs.
I walk up my flight of stairs (I live on the 2nd floor) without huffing. I bring in laundry or groceries without straining my arms.
and one of my favorites?? My hubby can wrap his arms entirely around me, locking his fingers together. Also, my kids call me skinny but I think they have joke, but I'll take it!
So whether you are stalled, hit a plateau, fighting the 'only' demon like me, remember your NSV's. They are a vital part of this process.

I am basically 6 months post-op. I have lost 35 pounds, but I want to quantify that as "only 35 pounds." I struggle with this almost every single day.
BUT.
I now weigh 249. I have not been under 250 since late teens/early 20's. Yea to a new decade! Or maybe I should say old, haha.
I have now worked out with a private trainer twice a week for two months. This was unimaginable a few months ago!
I have an actual waist. Not just columnar hidden by chest and hips.
I have rock-hard, well defined legs.
I walk up my flight of stairs (I live on the 2nd floor) without huffing. I bring in laundry or groceries without straining my arms.
and one of my favorites?? My hubby can wrap his arms entirely around me, locking his fingers together. Also, my kids call me skinny but I think they have joke, but I'll take it!
So whether you are stalled, hit a plateau, fighting the 'only' demon like me, remember your NSV's. They are a vital part of this process.

Buzzfeed can be, well...buzzfeed. But then you get those little gems like the following. I smiled the whole way scrolling through these photos.
Enjoy!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/javiermoreno/the-beth-project#.jaZ2ozbPD

I am basically 6 months post-op. I have lost 35 pounds, but I want to quantify that as "only 35 pounds." I struggle with this almost every single day.
BUT.
I now weigh 249. I have not been under 250 since late teens/early 20's. Yea to a new decade! Or maybe I should say old, haha.
I have now worked out with a private trainer twice a week for two months. This was unimaginable a few months ago!
I have an actual waist. Not just columnar hidden by chest and hips.
I have rock-hard, well defined legs.
I walk up my flight of stairs (I live on the 2nd floor) without huffing. I bring in laundry or groceries without straining my arms.
and one of my favorites?? My hubby can wrap his arms entirely around me, locking his fingers together. Also, my kids call me skinny but I think they have joke, but I'll take it!
So whether you are stalled, hit a plateau, fighting the 'only' demon like me, remember your NSV's. They are a vital part of this process.

Buzzfeed can be, well...buzzfeed. But then you get those little gems like the following. I smiled the whole way scrolling through these photos.
Enjoy!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/javiermoreno/the-beth-project#.jaZ2ozbPD

I am basically 6 months post-op. I have lost 35 pounds, but I want to quantify that as "only 35 pounds." I struggle with this almost every single day.
BUT.
I now weigh 249. I have not been under 250 since late teens/early 20's. Yea to a new decade! Or maybe I should say old, haha.
I have now worked out with a private trainer twice a week for two months. This was unimaginable a few months ago!
I have an actual waist. Not just columnar hidden by chest and hips.
I have rock-hard, well defined legs.
I walk up my flight of stairs (I live on the 2nd floor) without huffing. I bring in laundry or groceries without straining my arms.
and one of my favorites?? My hubby can wrap his arms entirely around me, locking his fingers together. Also, my kids call me skinny but I think they have joke, but I'll take it!
So whether you are stalled, hit a plateau, fighting the 'only' demon like me, remember your NSV's. They are a vital part of this process.

Buzzfeed can be, well...buzzfeed. But then you get those little gems like the following. I smiled the whole way scrolling through these photos.
Enjoy!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/javiermoreno/the-beth-project#.jaZ2ozbPD

when i start to feel down and envious of what other have or the way they look.... You know, Damn i wish i was pretty like her or have her body....
I remember..... Envy is the Thief of happiness.

Buzzfeed can be, well...buzzfeed. But then you get those little gems like the following. I smiled the whole way scrolling through these photos.
Enjoy!
http://www.buzzfeed.com/javiermoreno/the-beth-project#.jaZ2ozbPD

I hear you! I've been at a standstill for months. But today I joined a gym and tomorrow I start my first day with a personal trainer. I just wasn't ready to exercise until now. The veterans here swear that exercise makes the difference, and once it becomes a routine, it even becomes enjoyable. I decided it was time. I want to get to goal weight and I'm fifty pounds away from that.

I was wearing size 18 women's jeans before surgery. I easily wore size 14 jeans today!! I decided to try them on cause my others were getting too loose to wear, fully expecting them not to button. Excited!! Haven't been able to wear them in several years.

I posted last month that I thought I was at green. Nope! I didn't lose a single pound last month and I didn't change anything - except for join a gym, lol. I got half a cc and now have 6.5 cc's in my band.
But, really, I am going to give a teeny tiny mini rant. All of my fills are done at an aftercare center, which is fine. My office has been in flux since my frst fill and have moved twice. My 1st fill was at their old office, all the others at their 'new' temporary offices, and by my next follow up they will be in their 'new' permanent office.
The nurses who take the vitals have all been the same but I have seen a different tech every single time. Not a bad thing, just noting. For my 2nd fill they used an x-ray and when I mentioned that on my 3rd visit the tech just shook her head and said there was no reason for that, lol.
Anyway, so the guy I saw this time came in and proceeded to...offer all kinds of information, and saying how most people at my stage don't actually need a fill; they need a dietary adjustment. i was a little annoyed at this, but I chose to look at it as an opportunity to learn and all that jazz. So asked a question here and there and his response was "you need to quit watching Oprah and Dr. Oz." Say whaaaa? A) I never mentioned them or anything they might have said considering diet or the band and I don't watch them at all! And then when I asked a question about losing goal weight in the first year, that I had read several places where it has been said that if you don't lose a significant amount of the weight you need to in the first year, it gets a lot harder after that. He told me I need to stop reading ".com" articles and start reading ".edu" articles. At that I actually snapped back, replying that my husband works at a university and I know just how reliable all their publications can be...
So aggravating! I am sure his intentions were good. There was part of me that thought - gee, I should have had this about 3 fills ago, lol, but mostly I walked away thinking the visit could have been so much more helpful had he just been nice instead of a jerk.
ok, rant done! If you read this far, laugh with me! :-) I guess I get the last laugh because I really believe I am at my green, and I am happy and satisfied. I will go for at least another follow up visit, but I think I am done with fills.