SSalkil

I remember being put on my first "diet" in 2nd grade. Once I heard that I knew that my feelings and thoughts about myself were true... I was fat. From that day on I identified myself as the fat kid. I always felt second rate in that area. I grew up in a Pastor's home, and everything revolved around 3 things - God, church and food. This was heavenly and horrible for a fat kid with little self control.

When I got to jr. high, boys became more interesting than food, so I started watching how much I ate on my own. I started to lose weight and get compliments, so I ate less... lost more... ate less... lost more... You get the point. I got down to a size 0. I eventually started eating more normally, but stayed active and remained about a size 6 until after graduation. Then I gained the Freshman 30. (I have always been an overachiever. Ha) I started the vicious cycle of gaining and losing again. I met a guy and got married. I started to gain weight. He cheated on me and left me. I gained A LOT of weight. I started dating my current husband a year after that. We got engaged and I lost weight for the wedding. Then I gained it all back plus more. I went on Weight Watchers and lost 50 pounds. I started working for them and felt in control for the first time in my life. Then I battled infertility. I took hormones and got all messed up. I gained weight.Then we decided to adopt. It was very stressful and I gained more. Then we had financial problems and I gained more. I got pregnant for the first time EVER... and then miscarried at 11 weeks. I gained more. See the pattern? Not good.

So here we are today... My weight is out of control. I am the biggest I have ever been. My health is suffering, and so are my relationships. My husband, who has been supportive of me and my weight in the past, is pretty sick of it. He is worried for my health and also misses the attractive me. Who wouldn't? My self-esteem is at zero. I have zero energy, my blood pressure is through the roof, and I am depressed. I have tried several things to lose weight in the past year, and nothing sticks. I can’t keep the motivation or the energy to see it through. I have felt hopeless and overwhelmed.

Because of all of that, I have decided to have weight loss surgery. I have several friends who have had it done with great results. One friend of mine had hers done in Tijuana and has had nothing but great things to say. It isn’t covered by my insurance, so going there is the best option for me as well. I know that may sound shady to some, but I assure you I have done my research. My husband has not pushed me into this. In fact, he has been more resistant than I thought he would be, but he is leaving the choice up to me. And I have chosen to go ahead with it. I am scheduled for gastric sleeve on May 24. I am nervous, but excited to start this new journey. And I look forward to meeting people and getting support online.