1Cor2:9

I hope at least one person got a laugh out of the title. This post mentions God. Please do not read if you do not want to read about God. Someone today informed me that they wished I would stop mentioning God in all my post. This post is to explain why I often mention God in my post. Before I begin all humans that have grace this earth or will are in some way shape or form a hypocrite. Sadly it is part of the human condition. So I will admit that in some areas of my life that word would be fitting. My BP name is 1 Cor. 2:9. First Corinthians 2:9 states “Eye has not seen, nor ear heard, Nor have entered into the heart of man The things which God has prepared for those who love Him" Through the gift of my surgery God is going to bring about something new and He is has already started that work. I am not going to lose weight because of surgery, exercise, or even diet but through the work He is going to do in my life. I have been heavy since a child. My fat is so old it expired! ha So when God does the necessary work to do away with all that weight it is certainly going to be a new thing. My mentioning the Lord in my post is not an attempt to be perfect or to sound perfect, but to be honest about who I am and and the work that is taking place in my life. I am very much thankful for this opportunity. I got my rough Patches and spot, but I am still very grateful. He did not have to make a way for me to have surgery, but He did. I so I am going to smear Him on many of my post. God not only is a part of this journey, but He is the one has made it possible to start and will bring it to its conclusion.

I would have said thank you and told her to have a good day. Your decision was not about her, so...

I have BCBS IL HMO. At the moment I may need to pay $158 for the cost of my room. Everything else was covered by my insurance and for that I am thankful. I have had no co-pay for follow up visits.

To exercise or to not. It would seem that in the bariatric world there are two camps. Camp Exercise and Camp No Exercise. For me personally, I knew that once I had VSG that I wanted to exercise to decrease loose skin and to be physically strong. I am not interested in being a small weak person. I also discovered that exercising helps to boost my energy. Having said all that I know that some following their surgery may not be physically able to exercise or at least right away. For those in the other camp I have nothing against them, but I want exercise to be a part of my journey. What do you think? Should we exercise or not? I know some of you may want to comment with well as long as you are eating right that is important. I agree, but this posting is not about the eating aspect of losing weight, but exercising and physical activity. Lastly, I have a dread someone is going to write something along the lines of judging others and what not. There is no judgment here or at least not from me. I am simply stating what I think is best for me and would like to hear others thoughts on the same topic. And go

Hello, I am in! My starting weight is 245. My goal is 230. Thanks!!!

I have read that in order for an obese individual to lose weight they must exercise at 250 minutes per week. So if you are exercising less than 50 minutes a day it may not be enough. Unless you have recently switched to a new exercise routine then you may need to ease into at first. You may want to increase you exercise time and see if that helps. Hang in there you are going to make it! It may not seem like it, but in time it will.

I had a conversation with my surgery buddy in which she said that when she now sees larger people, larger meaning bigger than herself, she feels disgusted. She asked me if I feel the same and I replied no. When I see people who are bigger than me I feel sorry for them and at the same time thankful that the Lord gave me the opportunity for change. The formally fat, losing the fat, fat shaming other fat people? It seems a sad lot to me.When I am get to 150 lbs I am still going to be a fat person. One of my goals as I am on this journey is to not judge others along the way. What are you thoughts about this? Is it fitting to treat people who are big with disdain as we lose ours?

I agree, but I can also say for myself that the things that tend to disgust me about people usually not their physical appearance. I imagine that will continue. I am not judging my surgery buddy I just do not agree. I live in Chicago and take public transit. I see all kinds of people on a regular basis and usually when I see people that leave me wanting it is because of how they treat others. I do not see people judging others. Besides I am in the 240s I still got plenty of fat, so what right would I have to look on another with disdain? Again I am not looking down on those who are passing judgment or on those that society would deem worthy of judging. I'm just saying I do not feel that way and I hope that I do not.

Shame is a painful, social emotion that can be seen as resulting "...from comparison of the self's action with the self's standards. This is an edit of the original post. Based on the above definition shame is a fitting word to use for this post. Other associations that one may have with the word shame is not my doing. May I also add I did in fact end this post with a sense of hope for future progress that I think people seemed to over look. Admitting that I had a feeling of shame for a few days does not mean that I am suffering from low self esteem. Nor does it mean that I am always feel shame. People whom attempted to advise, well fine people I was not looking for tips or steps or guidance on how to change my emotional state because I knew that was going to change. Sometimes we do not give others the right to feel as they do. If one feels some sort of negative emotion we have to find ways to eradicate it right away in stead of wrestling with the emotion to have a better understanding of self. Also, the idea that I or anyone else should not have goals as it relates to weight loss is nonsense. Did not embark on this WLS journey with a goal in mind? Huh, am I wrong? We all have goals here. They may not be the exact goal, but still. No one had WLS with the goal of, "Well I would like to have major surgery to keep my body exactly the same." Come on now! With all that said, read on. Leave advise if you want. Please know it is not needed or wanted, but hey you do you. This past work week has been overly exhausted. This week I had two assemblies and a field trip. One of these events alone is stressful, but both did me in. I only exercised once this week. I feel really bad about that. I suppose a better word for it is ashamed. I have this secret fear that I will never make my goal weight. That my work will just be in vain. My eating has been as it should. I have to evaluate what happened to me this week. Two things happened this week and both are not encouraging. I realized last weekend I was not going to successful at my challenge I set for the Valentine's Day challenge. I also have this fear of not being successful. I have lost more than fifty lbs, but I keep thinking what if this is it. As a person who has "old fat", I have been over weight/obese since my youth, perhaps this is all my body will know. So I guess I gave up this week in some ways. However, when one fails at one goal then one just needs to make another goal. Next week I will do better. I have to think of a game plan. Next week we not be a week of shame.

No problem. I apologize for my poor word choice. I am good. I am somebody regardless of what my body may or may not look like. I thank you for the concern. Hey, my period was on its way I was feeling a little tender emotionally. lol!

Perhaps disappointed would have been a better word. I did not feel unworthy of love or any of the rest that you posted. I like to exercise a certain number of days a week and when I had not done that I was not happy about it.

I am a firm believer that no one should have the right to tell another how to feel. I may not agree with how someone is feeling in response to a certain situation or event, but who am I to tell them to feel differently. When I read Scripture and I see what is written in Psalm, Lamentations, and other place it does not strike me as wrong when various Biblical figures cried out to God, shed tears, and so on. It is true that the way in which someone is feeling can be an indicator of with deeper roots, but who is best to determine that? Well I think that person. I am going to feel ALL my feels in this life. When those feelings come no one is witness to the battle I am having in pray about them. They do not hear the conversations I have with those closest to me to process. They do not see me doing research about it. With that said how can they, people I do not know well, be in a position to tell me what I should do with my feelings? Often times before I express a feeling out loud I have already prayed about it for a number of days. I give those feelings over to the one who fully sees and understands the situation. My hurt feelings, sorrow, and disappointments draw me closer to the Lord. It makes me seek Him out and call on Him. It strengthens my faith Being honest about how one feels is the first step to address that emotion. If I feel shame, oh there that word is, I have to acknowledge that is how I am doing before I can take steps to address it. I am gonna let no body tell me how to feel. And dare I say especially not a group of complete strangers on BP. (I say that with all due respect) I encourage you with the same. Feel how you feel. If you do not like that you are on a stall-- its all right, you do not like that you have not made a goal-- its all right, and so on. God made you with emotions and a thinking mind. Feel it, process, and make a plan. Suppression is not going to work. How you feel is not who you are as a person.

Communication and social media are two very interesting things. I would like to first say thank you to everyone that sent encouraging words regarding the first post. I am thankful for your willingness to be helpful. Second this post will be an attempt to clear up somethings. I have seem to set off some fires with some and I hope this will make things better. Personal disclaimer- I am about say something that I may fail at sometime down the road. When I read things online especially social media I take into consideration one unshakable truth-- I simply do not know the whole story. I only know a snap shot at best. I get it we read something and it triggers some sort emotional response. The problem is that emotional response is often very much blind sided. This last week was rough for many reasons. To be clear I am not going to spell out the all details, but just take my word for it was. I did not exercise as often as I know I should. I was not happy about that. I felt a bit of shame about how my week went. Some of things that went down were squarely my fault, i.e. lack of exercise, and others were not. Part of my processing of that feeling was expressing it through a post. After my post I looked online to see if I could find suitable exercise ball DVDs. I found one. Sometime over the weekend I am going to buy. I am excited about using an exercise ball because it seems fun. I thought you know maybe you need to move on from the Leslie Sansone. That is the plan for this upcoming week. In the midst of the shame I decided maybe I should try some seat exercising so that while I am watching a video or movie I can still get my fitness on. I found a video that I thought I could use for that. I once read in one of the bariatric books that if you fail at a goal, just make another one. So even though I was not pleased with how last week went I knew on the other side of the shame I would regroup and make another goal. My shame did not tempt me to throw in the towel or self hate. I do not think it is a sign of low self esteem. Even with the unpleasant feelings I did not come to the conclusion that I hate myself. If I offended you with the last This Week I Failed, I apologize. Just simply realize this: --Snap shots are simply that --Shame is an emotional not a mark of ones moral standing/personality --I'm fine --I got me a plan together --This is not a self esteem issue

Thank you. It is hard to envision something that one has never seen. I have been have since the age of 6. That means I have been heavy for almost 30 years and way more than half my life. So I am with you I think it is a natural insecurity. However, I press on because I have not finished this race. We are going to make. Even when I have that thought I do not give up.

Hello, I realized based on the post of the weekend I need to stick to posting things that are more in line with why I am on BP. With that said I that I would create post that could spark interesting dialogue. Or at least that is my hope. With that said, here I go. I watch large amounts of youtube videos. One channel I follow is clusie l. She has VSG and is three years out. Recently she posted a video discussing the idea that when a person, read woman, is obese that certain aspects of her personality maybe overshadowed by the extra weight. I found this to be interesting. I spent sometime pondering if this is/will be true of me. I feel it is a little to soon for me to really tell, but my guess would be no. Again the title is what y'all think? A link to the video is below. Was this your experience? https://youtu.be/8XBZ0KVx_H4

I weighed myself this morning and I was 247. Not exactly my goal, but any loss is a gain. Maybe I will be somewhere in the 230's by the end of the month. To everyone that worked hard over the last few weeks keep it up. We are going to make it.

I wholeheartedly agree that one needs to adhere as best they can to what their medical team has advised. That is my plan. However, as I said before I had bad week. Part of me processing that week is to express it. That's it. For me I just want to make sure I am exercising because I want to be a healthy size and strong. One week off course does not throw off the whole journey. I think we would agree on that. So, yup I am going to continue to do as my team has told me. And you are right again in that there will be other weeks. But being struck down for one week does not mean I am destroyed.

I thank you for this. I think it is normal to ponder and wonder if some can be achieved that has never been achieved. I agree with you that the way in which to contend with the doubt is to press on. The more we fight for a better body and so on I can and will diminish the voice that is saying, but "what if you do not make it?" I am glad you do not see me as a martyr I was not trying to even suggest I was. I think in our society women are groomed to not express or even have negative feelings. We are supposed to be upbeat and what not. If one of us opens ups and says something otherwise we bash her. I guess she has low self esteem or she trying to hold on to the shame. Last week was rough, but it was not the roughest I have faced or will face. I was ashamed, or rather disappointed, that I did not do as well as I wanted that's okay if God gives me another week to live then I can turn that boat around. Sometimes in life one is struck down, but that does not mean they are destroyed. I applaud you for not giving up! We are going to make it.

Indeed. I think if people were to read all my post that can fairly say I am not judging people. In regards to the slathering/spariningly people are always free to read or not read, right?

@@LipstickLady I will take it into consideration.

@@OutsideMatchInside, I have heard you. If I am understanding you correctly you think I should have kept quite after the first post. I see some truth in that. And you are right I can ignore or take a break. Both are reasonable. I see your side. At the same time you said you are tired of reading my post with God mentioned. Could you have taken a break? I hope that did not come across as attitude. I am just trying to make a point. Anyways, I was not sure if you would respond and I am glad you did. You gave me something to think about and that is never a bad thing. Lastly, I am going to keep mentioning God in my post. Not because I am trying to offend. Your right I am a hypocrite along with the other 99% of humanity! lol But God is good and He is more than worth of my mention even if I make some not too graceful decisions. I hope we can dialogue in the future. Have a good day.

@@OutsideMatchInside If you do not like reading my post feel free to not read. Again this reply is not an answer to any of the questions I posed you.

To be fair I am just trying to be honest about who I am as a person. I agree that being a "good" Christian, whatever that means, is not wearing one's faith as a cloak. I am not sure how I am cramming things down people's throats if we are all free to read or not read as we chose. I am not sure how I am being a hypocrite, but if you would like to explain your view further I will read it. Also, I am willing to hear your thoughts on how my attitude is crappy. I am just not getting your point and sense you took the time to respond to what I read I am sure you want me to understand. If you do not respond to my questions that is fine, but remember this you are free to not read or comment on anything I post. And in my opinion is one is free to do or not do something there is no force.

Yeah stalls do indeed kill, but we can resurrect ourselves from that grave! Haha Good for acknowledging how you feel. I had my first a few weeks ago and I know more are going to happen. Although it is hard I try to just focus on what I have lost so far. There is less of you than there was before, right? Can I get an amen on that?! lol I do not fully understand why stalls happen, but you are pressing on so that the stall does not become your permanent. That is also good. I read that sometimes there is a stall at week eight I might be in the same boat as you soon.

Indeed. I am simply trying to say we have to be careful. Anytime I read a post no matter if it is here or somewhere else I have to be honest about the limits of the information I receive. If I do not have all the information then I have to acknowledge any assessment I make is going to be somewhat blinded. Someone telling me, "you need to work on your self esteem." Is short sighted. And that is what I took offense to mostly. Just as someone is free to say that. I should be free in response to say what I think. I agree that no one has the right to tell someone how to feel. Your feelings are your feelings. You get to choose how you express them or share them. But, no one has the right to tell someone how to respond. You can ask nicely, but ultimately, it is up to you to choose how you react to that response. Giving and receiving advice and constructive criticism is a skill. In my opinion, it is a skill that we all improve at with experience, practice, and effort. Especially, on the receiving end. When I pray for guidance or wisdom, God's answers sometimes comes from the most unlikely place and in unexpected ways. Being willing to listen to feedback is a gift. Take what you can use and leave the rest.