Folly

Move stuff all over the plate, take tiny nibbles. People usually don't notice much unless you draw attention to it. We laughingly call it "fake eating". I have to spend a lot of time with people in restaurants, bars, coffee shops, etc. It isn't difficult. He'll probably be more interested in how engaged you are with him and how interesting you find him than how much you actually put in your mouth.

There are a lot of things that lead people to these places. I'm not in an emotionally abusive relationship. I'm loved, supported, cared for... by a husband who is no longer attracted to me because I am smaller. When we married he was upfront about not being at all attracted, and even being turned off, by smaller women. At the time I thought it was great, that I would never take any crap about my weight. I weigh about 230 now. By any standard that is still pretty big for my height. My husband and I have no anger or bitterness toward each other, he wants me to live and be healthy and we love each other dearly... I often wonder how long before one of us gives in and starts looking or how long before I have to tell him that I want to because I miss being touched by someone who desires me as I am. Unraveling these issues is difficult even in the best circumstances. If I seemed to scold maybe I was personalizing Countrygrrl's issues and feeling a little guilty. For that I apologize. Peace

We're all doing a lot of judging but not much actual talking about this. I think it's a little unfair. It's touchy but let's really open and talk rather than just judge, shame and criticize.

You crack me up Darling!

@@gowalking This is an excellent topic! I don't like people knowing I had WLS because of the perception that I did it the "easy" way. The perception this is some magic cure is a disservice and most will never have to know the tragic upsets that happen internally that bring a person to needing WLS in the first place or the hard work it continues to be to regain your life and health after the fact. I used to be, between marriages, one of those women who dated men with fetishes for ssbbw. It was all based on appearance. All form and no substance - I could have been a blow up doll. I didn't even know that I was being objectified and definitely not at all cared about until someone came along and was different (yes, I married him. I'm not a fool :-) ) These people living that life are often making the best of the only life they know or the only life they think they deserve. Pity them but shame on the sleazy profiteers who aggrandize and normalize dysfunction and self-abuse.

Hello! The metabolic changes alone are beyond anything you can prepare for. Then there is that being safe (even if it is lonely or painful) and separated from people feeling you aren't even aware of until you and it start melting away. Then there are the issues that made the eating and morbid obesity acceptable life choices that want to come up and do the two step with your emotional equilibrium. Add on body and appearance issues, moving away from addictive eating behavior, sexuality and your responsibilities toward loved ones, work... Cut yourself some serious slack. Just make it a point not to be mean and everyone else can just learn to generate a little understanding. Peace

@@proudgrammy I'm with you on that. I was cautioned aggressively on the evils of coffee prior to surgery. It wasn' t a big deal, I could take it or leave it. Now? I like it. My tummy likes it. I'm drinking as much as I want. Some days I don' t have any. Some days I drink 3 or 4 cups AND I put heavy cream, real sugar and real vanilla in it, too. I don' t indulge in very many things but I don' t see the point in fake foods and artificial flavors.

I suffered most of my life with irritable bowel, loose stools, chronic diarrhea... It gradually got better after VSG surgery. I didn't realize constipation was such an issue for people after WLS. I don't know why but it strikes my funny bone that the two problems cancel each other out. Now if we can figure out how to cancel out excessive libido, hair loss and loose skin I think we'll really be on to something good!

@@higfir2 We each have such a unique experience, no matter how many people we talk to or how much quantifying we do there still seems to be a lot of winging it and figuring it out on our own. You may be having a physical reaction to something in your diet, environment, etc and that possibility needs to be addressed before you move on to addressing it as an emotional problem. I still have problems with nausea, vomiting and food aversions also but in my case it's my emotional boogeymen just trying to get me to do the two-step. I also sometimes look in the mirror and see no difference. As time passes and we just march forward, usually feeling good lately, sometimes with grim determination - it does get better. It really does. I strongly urge you not to wait. Get your healthcare team on this right away. If you're having a physical problem it needs to be resolved already. Well, same for emotional problems, right? Peace and Comfort

Peas. Nope nope nope. Wait, that has nothing to do with WLS. I just hate the little green sonsabitches! :-D

@@LipstickLady When I was a very young woman I was swept away by a sort of intensity toward religion that made me not only irritating but very sure I knew what was good for everyone. It took a very nice person who I was trying to debate and "prove"wrong telling me, "We each have to hear God personally" to get my attention. As time went on that statement worked its way into my understanding and conceptually it sort of went past deity or religion straight to the point. Our personal journey or truth or whatever isn't and shouldn't be subject the the critical opinions of others, nor should we inflict ours on them. I have to give you a pat on the back for the reminder and for putting it out there so eloquently. Peace and Comfort

And since we're on the topic:; over the last 3 or 4 months my libido has completely went haywire! This has been an alarming development. Outwardly I may be a middle-aged woman but on the inside? I've been posessed by a horney 17 year old male! I'm actually hoping this passes quickly, my husband already gets that panicky dear-in-the-headlights look enough. I was cautioned women may have an increase in fertility after surgery but no one said anything about the libido going off the charts! Is this happening with others?

I have never once been constipated. I guess I can be thankful for that!

@@higfir2 I had intense food aversions for several months, too. It periodically still comes up. It's more an emotional than physical problem. Your Dr should be able to point you to what you need to work through it ( or who can help)

@@AmyC007 You may be overthinking what's going on. Addiction is an insidious, deadly, baffling disease and the struggle is real. It may not be "self sabotage" so much as just the addiction presenting with addictive behavior. Maybe some real time support could be helpful? May I message you privately?

Go to thrift stores. I do it all the time. It's fun.

am i seeing and hearing right that you have lost 214 lbs?? holy moly girlfriend you are doing amazing Lol yes you read correctly but it has been 16 months since my surgery. I've had plenty of time to lose it. Thanks for the praise though, it feels good to get it.

Lolololololol

I'm curious how the relationships are holding up long-term with the tranformation. My husband is super supportive and has been from the beginning, he was more worried about my well being than anything and seems to not ever lose sight of wanting me healthy. I'm very fortunate in this respect, I was married, once upon a time, to a violent monster who used every opportunity to try to tear me down. I couldn't have attempted this journey with such a partner. That being said, my current husband sacrificed, without complaint, something he wanted. He was attracted to, fell in love with and married a woman who weighed over 400 lbs. To him that is and always has been the ideal of feminine beauty. His encouraging the surgery and weight loss was an act of love and selfleseness - he saw the toll it was taking on my health and wanted me to feel better. During this process our love and trust for each other has grown. Our communication is deeper and more meaningful. In many ways our partnership has been strengthened and has become beautiful and lovely. There was a price to be paid, however, and that price is high and sometimes hard to pay. He misses the big, soft me that he found so sexy and exciting. I miss being that to him. I'm not worried he'll stray or stop loving me or anything like that... once upon a time, not too long ago, I was his Goddess. That's gone now. Through the years, with ups and downs we always had that. When we got tired of putting up with each other or life's disappointments were too much to even talk about we always found our way back to understanding through the bedroom. It always brought us back to intimacy and communication and the profoundly compassionate friendship that has sustained our marriage. It's hard not feeling guilty taking that away from someone who loves you so dearly but it isn't there anymore. The emotional attraction and love is but... It's a struggle to figure out where to go from here. Peace

We share this in common.

Most people report little pain and quick recovery. Mine diminished gradually over 2 - 3 weeks. We each heal differently. Please let your Dr know you're hurting. Peace

Your understanding makes this a little easier. Thank you.

Popcorn is a whole grain that is natuarally low in fat and has some fiber. It morphs into junk food when fat and sodiun are added. Air popped corn is a decent snack.... I do eat it once in a while. In my nutrition classes popcorn (air popped) was on the "with moderation" list. If it bothers yout stomach, obviously you shouldn't eat it. Most things did bother mine but popcorn didn't. Go figure.

Ok, y'all read that. Start uploading the visual aids.