Lissa_S

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Dear food,
 
You have been a source of refuge and comfort for a long time, something to warm me on cold winter nights and to celebrate life's milestones. But sadly, our relationship is no longer working for me.
 
You've become an obsession, an unhealthy and unproductive millstone. So I've decided that it's time to say goodbye. There are some special mentions I'd like to make...good bye massive bowls of spaghetti, blocks of chocolate, cheesy pizza and my old friend, coke. Though over the coming days our parting will be difficult, and I will no doubt long for the days when I would indulge in you with impunity, I am excited to let you go.
 
I will get an opportunity to explore life beyond this obsession. So with sadness but absolute determination, fare thee well, old friends.
 
With no regrets, Lila
 
(I start my pre-op diet in the morning And I am actually feeling excited about it! Wish me luck!!)

Hello fellow sleevers
 
So I am pleased to report that I got my approval today - the whole surgery is now paid for and I can just prepare myself now for this as it is going to happen. I even got to speak to my clinic today and they asked which time I'd prefer for surgery - I asked for the first one if possible. They said that they will put it on the file and contact me closer to the 3rd of September to advise me of the details, when to get to hospital etc.
 
it's just the best news! Everyone was telling me not to stress but I admit, I was totally stressed out. Not that if I'd been knocked back it would have stopped me, just delayed me a bit. But this way I get to keep to my preferred schedule It's not an accident I wanted it as soon as possible in September - I want to get myself healed and losing weight so I can swim this Christmas (it's summer in December in Australia). I wanna get in that pool!
 
I wanna play with my nieces and nephews...and to have more energy, better health and hopefully a better quality of life.
 
So excited - wishing you all well out there!
 
Today is a GOOD day!

I'll skip the "How I Got Here" business for now. If you are interested, you can mosey on over to the "My Story" section of my profile to check it out. . . And I promise you, its a doozey. But today I'm needing to remind myself of "WHY I'm Here." In this case, "Here" being less than 48 hours away from dun dun dun. . . elective surgery. Oh, the horror! (Trust me, if you had my medical anxiety you'd understand. Every time someone compares their surgical countdown to waiting for Christmas, every fiber in my being revolts.)
 
(1) T-Shirts. I love T-Shirts. Nice soft, baggy T-Shirts. At my size, however, there is no guarantee that you can find such a T-Shirt, and if you can, its not likely to be flattering. This is particularly problematic when a T-Shirt is required - say to lead a group of kids at a school function. I really just want to be able to sign up to volunteer without worrying whether they will offer a 2X and, if so, whether it will be a generous 2X or not.
 
(2) Energy. My people are notoriously low energy going back generations on my mom's side. I have several female cousins, and most of us suffer from it in one way or another. Unfortunately, someone forgot to relay this fact to my kids. They are just not the quiet, bookworm types that I was growing up. I've had my thyroid tested (normal), done a sleep study (no apnea) and taken up exercise. And yet, I still seem to be the only person I know who can pass out cold on the couch after 45 minutes of dance fitness. I am hopeful that losing the weight will help me perk up a little and give me the stamina I need to keep up with the many demands on my life.
 
(3) Speaking of Exercise. One of my closest friends has recently made a mid-life career change from Childrens' Minister to Dance Fitness Instructor. So I go along for the ride. As exercise goes, its fun. But is it too terrible to say that I would rather not be the biggest girl in the room? I don't need to be the smallest, mind you. Just not the biggest.
 
(4) Photographs. I'm a photographer. Few things make me happier than capturing a beautiful smile, a sparkle in my subjects' eyes. More often than not, of course, those subjects are my kids. I realized recently that I have never sat for a portrait with either of my two youngest kids, and a stranger flipping through the family snapshots might just think that my husband is a single dad. Somewhere about five years ago, I just stopped being in pictures and that's not fair to my kids. It really bothers my oldest boy. Maybe we will all be in the family Christmas picture this year.
 
(5) Air Travel. I used to be a gung ho traveller. Domestic. International. I could be ready to go in a moment's notice. But after my kids were born, there just didn't seem to be the time or money. I recently took a trip to a photography workshop, and is it just me, or have plane seats gotten smaller. Wait. I think it is just me. Its stressful enough in the post 9/11 world to get on a plan in the first place without having to worry about how big the two people sitting on either side of you are and whether you will survive the cramped posture that you all will be forced into. And don't even get me started on the seat belts. I didn't have to ask for an extender, but I know that I have to do something to keep that humiliation out of my future.
 
(6) Disney World. I LOVE Disney World. Yes, I know it is ridiculously expensive and crowded. But for me, the magic over comes the madness, and it really is the happiest place on earth. At least until I start to stare down those older rides and wonder whether or not I am going to be too big for the seats. I look forward to the day when I can look at my kids and say "Yes, of course I will ride that with you," without a moments hesitation.
 
(7) Pain. Over the past couple of years, I have started to experience random aches and pains, particularly in my back, but occasionally in my knees and hips too. I've got to believe that hauling around less weight, thereby relieving the stress on my body, will help with some of that. I'm not even 40, after all.
 
(8) The Gap. I used to love to shop there. Anne Taylor too. Why are big girl clothes so expensive?
 
(9) Social Anxiety. My husband has to wine and dine for work. I used to, if not LOVE going along, be able to tolerate it. Now I rarely go. Nothing to wear. Too uncomfortable about how i look to try to meet and impress new people. The same is true of joining Moms groups and seeing my old college friends. Don't get me wrong, I have a core group of people that I hang with, but I used to be much more outgoing and fun loving before I became so self conscious about my appearance.
 
(10) My Kids. I love them more than life itself and want to do everything that I can to be a fun and active mom for them throughout their childhoods.
 
This list isn't exhaustive, but its a good start, and hopefully will serve as a good reminder when, over the next 48 hours, that little bit of panic creeps in and I start to rethink my decision.

Hello fellow bloggers
 
This is probably just a little bit of vanity so please excuse me. It's just that I have finsihed sending off all of my paperwork now for my operation and I am feeling great. I should know if my ERSB has been approved by next week (should be fine) and once that is through, it is clear sailing to my date with Mr Sharpie. Well I still have to go through the pre-op diet of course but to be honest, there is a part of me that is looking forward to it...it means that it's the "end of the world as we know it"...lol. In the best possible way.
 
I am so lucky that several of my friends and work colleagues have had this surgery and they have been so incredibly supportive, telling me of their experience which has really reduced some of my anxiety. For anyone dipping their toes into this pool (gastric sleeve) I highly recommend asking even what you think is the dumbest question of someone who has had the op, preferably close to where you will be having it. In hearing the stories of others there is a vast difference between how things are done depending on which country (or even which state) you live in. But for me, having someone to ask really functional questions of has reduced my anxiety significantly. I am sure as the date draws nearer that my neuroses will rear their ugly little heads again but for now, I am just excited.
 
I hope that this feeling lasts for the next month! I am hopeful though and not stupid - it's unlikely but I am going to enjoy it for as long as I can!!

So I am exactly 4 months out, I have lost 68 lbs since surgery, totaling a 133 lb loss since Jan 2011. I was 326 on 3/26/12 and I am now at 258lbs and loving it so far. Something that's been bugging me at the back of my mind though, is that SO many people ask me if I could of just done this myself. And I always say no I couldn't of. But as I really think about it, if there was a way to teach me the lifestyle and mindset changes that have occurred because of this surgery, then yes I could of done it without this surgery. Think about it fellow sleevers! Almost all of you know that this surgery is NOT a fix, it is a tool. It teaches us how to listen to our body for when we're truly hungry vs. thirsty or truly hungry vs. behavioral eating. But what if there was a way to take that piece and teach it to people so that they wouldn't need the surgery! I know that there are thousands of books and materials out there of people trying to do just that. But 9/10 the books are written by thin people but no big person wants to hear how hard being overweight is and how to lose weight from a thin person. And the Pre-op me had "listened" to the dronings of "know when you're full, know when you're hungry, know when you're thirsty". But what if there was a way or a program to actually teach people these things? I think it could "cure" obesity. But I've racked my brain over and over and even have tried to teach these things to my husband and mother but it doesn't click. Just like it didn't click with the Pre-op me. So I wonder and keep wondering these things and how I could make a difference in other people's lives. Anybody ever think about these same things??
 
On another note, previously I had entered a blog post on SF jello pudding mix and greek yogurt and I finally tried it! And it's good, it makes a consistency of like a cheesecake. I thought I'd make some for breakfast and boy was that a mistake. It was just too sweet for me in the morning. But I guess if you want a high protein snack in between meals and you want to cure a sweet tooth that is definitely the trick. I used a SF Vanilla pudding and my vanilla greek yogurt. It tasted so close to cheesecake that I bet if you bought the SF cheesecake pudding and mixed it with the GY, that you would get an actual cheesecake!
 
There was a ricotta cheese recipe that I tried as well that I found on this website. It was good, but I made some changes to it to incorporate some vegetables. The recipe originally calls for a cup of ricotta mixed with egg and italian herbs. I did this, spread it on the dish. But instead of topping it with marinara and cheese, I made a Green Giant creamed spinach in the microwave, and poured it over the top of the ricotta and then topped with some cheese.. It tasted something like a vegetable white sauce lasagna. Just a little of this went a long way, I think there are still leftovers in my fridge!
 
Well off for now! Talk soon!

Well, it's only one week now until I go for my first appointments with the surgeon, dietician and psychologist. Unfortunately, I was supposed to go on Monday but it was put back a few days. I was disappointed initially as the clinic is a 10 hour drive away and I'd already paid for accommodation and now I have to pay for further accommodation later in the week as well but I realised that I am actually complaining about having to spend five days on the beautiful Gold Coast (in Australia). How ridiculous!!
 
It's funny - I am a psychologist but I've never actually been to a psychologist, so I am not sure what to expect by seeing an exercise psychologist. LOL, I've been putting together my developmental history
and looking at my relationship with food and the faulty cognitions that I have around eating and food It was then that I realised that it probably defeats the purpose to "prepare" for this and from a professional perspective, it gives me good insight into what it must be like for my clients on their first appointment! So I am perversely curious about seeing the psychologist now
 
 
I am so excited about seeing the surgeon and getting my date for surgery. At this stage, I was told by the staff it could be as soon as 3 September. Wow. I just can't' wait for this!! I am worried that something will occur that will make me ineligible for the surgery not that I know what that is but there is a lingering concern.
 
I am pretty big - about 366 pounds (hope I have that right) and I worry that means that I will be too big for surgery and that it will put my date back. It probably sounds silly (on reflection, I know it sounds silly) but there it is.
 
I had wanted to start my diet prep this week and as per my previous blog, started the shakes which were quite nice but for the past three days I've been sick with the flu. So I've had nothing but lemonade icy poles and watered down juice. I did manage to get down a little porridge this morning but that's been it. On the upside I think I've lost a little weight lol but it will come back as soon as I am well again - I know that from experience.
 
So the update is one week to go until first appointments. Hoping so hard that it will all be fine and I can get my surgery done soon. My birthday is in August and every year at this time I tell myself I'll be thinner and healthier by my birthday next year - this is the first time that I actually believe that it will happen