teacherlady2133

I have been married 16 years and to be honest the closer I get to goal the harder things are getting between us. We have always been best friends and he married me heavy and loved me no matter what.. Now that I am 165lbs lighter there has been some real insecurity issues in both of us popping up.. Me in my looks and what others think and see.. He has the same issues about me but doesn't know how to deal with it... Last night we talked about how he never had to worry about me getting hit on or talked to by other guys.. I laughed because of my own issues can't image men talking to me...but the truth is guys are starting to talk to me.. They do seem to be more ready to open doors or say hi as I walk in places...

I love my husband and have never ever wanted this attention from anyone but him... I saw a different side of him last night and how he doesn't know how to be excited about the changes without feeling his own insecurities about himself...

We vowed to keep talking to keep working on how to react to this major change in our life and what it means for each other...I think that is such a key... Talk, talk, talk.... And see this not a one-sided change...

Today I can say I was very proud! Wore a size 12 dress today and bought a size 10 pants yesterday.. Had a coworker tell me what size of panty hose I need just by looking at me... Weight is still coming off even though I am not following things very well lately... Down to 187... 12 more pounds and I have lost 1/2 of my old self.. Wow!!!

I am open to any suggestions as this is an unsure area for me...

I would never claim I knew how to properly put makeup on my old face but now it seems like I really am missing the mark...

I have been think about when I learned to put make up on and it was around 14 messing with my grandma's old stuff in her bathroom.. Loved that black eye liner and dried up mascara...

Until I was 16 I had never even bought new makeup and then it was wet and wild.. Needless to say I was overweight and covered with acne then and have only ever seen my

Overweight face and neck all made up.. So now on my almost 40 year old, 190 pound face things just don't look right.. Now the makeup has gotten a little better in brands..Cover girl or similar but application doesn't work the same...

I was thinking of maybe going to even more expensive makeup seeing if that would help..

I am a teacher so makeup is part of my daily route..

Would love any suggestions about brands or how you adjusted..

I love reading young adult books. I am a middle school teacher and in college I was talking to a professor about my love for reading stopping or slowing down as I became an adult. She informed me to go back to reading young adult books and see what happens.

Recent reads: One Crazy Summer, Walton's go to Birmingham, Walk two moons, Night, The presidents has been shot, Outcast United

Thank you for the lovely comments... Yes I do still have my boobs.. They are smaller, but guess I should be thankful for them too! People do not recognize me either.. Even my own husband has walked by me in the store.. It is funny how others see you... Or don't see you..

I am happy anytime a post can help others.. I have been encouraged by so many others on this site too... Knowing you are not alone in feelings and thoughts helps me feel normal..

Thank you all for the comments.. Pictures do speak a thousand words..

Ok I took everyone's advice and started looking at photos.. Thought I would share...my heaviest 350... Surgery day 4/28/14 305 and current 197.

You did it!!! Be proud...

197.....so 10 pound loss.. Missed goal by 7.. Hopefully weight loss isn't slowing too much down and more about bad choices.. Would like to Celebrate 10 pounds gone.. And being in the 100's first time in 25 years!!!

I got a reality check this weekend.. I was trying on clothing and wasn't happy about the fit and started complaining to my 14 year old daughter and she was "like really mom! You're not going to become like oh I am so fat! Stop complaining you're a size 12/14... You are smaller than a lot of woman." Then I look at my 14 year old daughter who is sitting there a 6ft tall, a size 18 thought how upsetting..to hear me complain about size when she has such a hard time fitting in... Oh worst mom moment ever!!!

Going to find contentment, so I can model contentment and self love...

I constantly ask my husband if I am hurting him sitting so close or leaning on him. That was my fear before and still is.. He laughs...Said never hurt before and now "Why would I even think that"

10 months out and first can't believe you said that moment. Went to a baby shower and first time I saw people since surgery. I was expecting reactions but, my Aunt looked at me and said" do you wear contacts? "Yes I do" are they colored? No.. Wow your eyes are really blue.. I guess having weight on you hides all your good features" ??? How to react??? My daughters and mom was sitting there speechless...then after that comment she wanted to chit chat about by experience mentally...needless to say I finished the conversation politely and then had my own WTF look...

People can be so rude!!!

2/9/15-wt 199

My youngest is 11 and I also told her the truth. Needed surgery to help me be healthy and do more stuff with her. She is so supportive and constantly saying how nice it is to hug me or sit with me. At first she watched everything I put in my mouth and would comment are you allowed? I think years of watching me eat unhealthy she didn't know what healthy food looked like for me to eat. I will tell you at first she thought I was coming home thin from hospital had to really talk about what the surgery was gong to do. Even watched videos and looked at the packets my dr gave... Did that with all of my kids 15,13,11...

Oh my I have the same thoughts about mirrors.. I have put makeup on and think wow I look good, then take a photo and I do not look like what I saw in the mirror... So I agree photos are it...I have a story about photos.. When I first was losing weight I took a picture of myself and was shocked how thin I looked.. So I asked my son is this what everyone else is seeing? He at first laughed then said yea mom it is a photo if you... Got to love 15 year olds!!

Michiganchic, the laugh was just the OH-IO..

I truly loved your post and you are so right about how we measure success in life and things we do. I think sometimes reality checks are needed to keep us focused.. What is healthy and right for our own life? We get caught in the comparing and miss the reality...we quickly lose our faith and drive when we compare...and trying to obtain something we really don't need... I need to be healthy... I love the idea of making a list and even getting out some old photos..

LOL. we are soul sisters. I can see the change in myself, but have had a hard time assimilating what I see, too. I also wonder if I am being too hard on myself to get to a normal BMI. Or maybe I'm being too easy on myself to take the easy way out, so I can stop fighting to get to a weight that seems unattainable. Do I look fat? Blah, blah, blah, on and on the loop has gone in my head.

So, to answer your fundamental question, does it ever go away? I think it depends on you. We are in charge of our own happiness and thoughts and actions. In the past week or two, I am starting make peace with it. I know that a size 8/10 and sm/med is not fat. I have just had to come grips with the fact that the number on the scale is just an indicator to monitor over time, to show a trend. It's not the be all, end all to determine success. I'm healthy and not taking any meds, (other than vitamins) and I'm feeling great. I have a great wardrobe, can shop anywhere I want, and I'm smaller than the average American woman. I am a success.

I love this gave me sort of the idea of seeing it as someone else...I would never think a med top or 12 pants was someone overweight or as fat..and yes the loop runs in my head too.

On a lighter note "soul sister" O-H..

After my day I needed a giggle.. Sorry hope your laughing too!

when i first looked inside myself, ( introspection not surgically) i realized that i never saw myself as fat, one of the coping mechanisms is our mind trick us into just being ourselves, not a fat person. Sure we feel the weight etc and the results of it, but the changes while i can see it in clothing sizes, in energy level, in health, but you stilll feel like you and you always will because who else can you be? I do believe in the side by side picture thing. My wife keeps a pic of me from went i graduated after going back to school two years ago when i was at my heaviest and we splice in a pic of me now, so i can see the true difference. i do notice it in my face, at first i thought, who is this guy its nt me, but i do like him. so i get used to it. and i look forward to meeting the skinny me inside this guy. When my surgeon told me my weight loss goal, ( down to 170 pounds from 374 , he said " you're going to lose a whole person, and since he isnt paying rent, lets kick him out." it was meant as a joke, but it was very perceptive. We do lose a whole person in becoming the new us.

I agree with never seeing myself as fat I was just bigger than everyone else and that was life. I think since I was a child it was the case so never so it clearly. I have lost a whole person too and to think of it that way is shocking...

I can relate @@teacherlady2133 ! it's hard to keep the new visuals of our bodies in perspective or reality, and what may be happening is that it's such a big change it's overwhelming you. I'd encourage you to go back to any journals or notes you made pre-op or early on, and ask yourself what's changed since then. If you don't have those, just start making some lists of things that are different in your life now. It helps pain a more complete picture of life, instead of so much on how we look and what size we are. Also, write a page of "I am..." statements. Not only about the changes but about the things that are you no matter what size or health or weight. "I am articulate, I am determined, I am strong, I am kind, I am a caring wife/mother/sister/daughter...etc. and then include the ones that are new among them; I am healthy, I am active, I am a runner, I am a gym rat...you get the idea. Keep the list and add to it as you grow and change. (Grow emotionally of course!) Consider looking also for a support group, since i've found just being with others going through it helpful, AND seeing others whose bodies change as mine has gives me good markers and encouragement. Good luck - and good for you thinking about loving yourself in this!!

Kate

I love the idea of going through journals I have kept 2 since starting this journey and I haven't written in awhile... I will make the list too!

Ok, here I am down from 350 to 197 over 150 gone.. Sizes are amazing when looking at numbers size 12/14 from a 30/32 and medium from a 4x..Off all medication, except vitamins... Why can't I see it? I see just a shrunk up me.. I see rolls lots of them.. I love spanx..if I could I would sleep in them.. Not just for the look but the feel of my body being tight..

My goal weight was 180, I think my bones are made of steel! I am 5'8, turning 38, with 3 c-sections and over weight since I was 12...I am 9 months post-op from WLS.

I keep thinking loving myself the way I did at 350 has really messed up my body vision..what and how should I feel about myself now.. Do I learn to love me how I am, or should I be judging myself hard, so I keep pushing to make more and more changes...but the question is change into what? I mean the damage being over weight created on my body just isn't going away and now I am a super model...I think that is my problem... I want something to compare too and everyone is so different and has different background stories..

I am driving my family nuts when I ask if I am so and so size, or am I as small as her? Does this go away?

I told only my family at first and one girlfriend...then people started asking about all the doctor appointments and if was I ok.. Told them I was fine just getting my health in order... Now after losing 150 pounds it sort of is a topic.. I am a teacher, so people that knew me heavy are always commenting on how nice I look.. And how thin I am getting.. New teachers who just met me are the ones asking... Why is everyone commenting on your weight..

I finally told them because last year I was 150 pounds heavier... I didn't say how I am doing it and it is fine if behind my back they talk..

I love how you know they want to ask, but don't... I think it is how you carry yourself and address comments and statements... If asked I would tell them... I love my choice and my progress I have about 30 pounds to go...

Best conversation about weight loss came from another teacher... She walked up to me and said,"I know you have lost weight and I wanted to say congrats...I always think it is nice to tell others you notice their hard work." I said," thank you" And she walked away...classy, real classy....I hope I can give others complements like that....

2/2/15 weight 198.8 ugh! Gain .6... I know it is fluid... Not feeling well....

You look so good.. So proud you made your goal!!

Corn, I want to eat it all the time..

And rice... But no rice for me each time(3times) it was a mess.. Pain, hurt, vomit..

So much room in the bath tub..

I also do the handicap dressing room and go to the women sizes first. Size 30 to a 12 is a shocker..4x to a medium.

Passing people in the halls in the school building afraid I am in the way..

Sitting next to people in meetings.. Instead of on the outside so I don't take up too much table space..

Not having to ask people to stand up so I can get in around them. I still say excuses me and I am sorry and I am not even close to them.

sleeping next to my husband in bed.. Without having to have hundreds of pillows to be comfortable.. Never thought a king bed would feel too big!!