KittyChick

I'm five months post op...a little more than halfway to my goal.

I mostly think I just look taller at this point but those close to me are saying the change is "drastic". I don't see it that way yet but I am excited to keep progressing!

I'm five months post op...a little more than halfway to my goal.

I mostly think I just look taller at this point but those close to me are saying the change is "drastic". I don't see it that way yet but I am excited to keep progressing!

Hi again y'all!
Hit my one year surgi-versary on Wednesday & I'm now down 100lbs! Feels surreal. This hasn't been easy but I'm thrilled with my progress thus far.

Hi again y'all!
Hit my one year surgi-versary on Wednesday & I'm now down 100lbs! Feels surreal. This hasn't been easy but I'm thrilled with my progress thus far.

Has anyone experienced a good friend distancing themselves from you after your weight loss?
A little background- I consider myself a feminist and most definitely a "girl's girl". My relationships with women have enriched my life more than anything else and I deeply value my friendships. I don't want this thread polluted with "women are catty b****es" messages please, because I do NOT believe that stereotype to be true and I think it's simplistic and degrading. The vast majority of my lady friends have been supportive of my 107lb weight loss. And ALL of them (except one) are thin/normal weight.
​HOWEVER, the person I considered my "best" friend seems to be shutting me out of her life and it is incredibly painful and not at all something I anticipated. This is a normal size friend. She's not plus sized and never has been. She's probably a size 8 or 10.
At the beginning of my WLS journey, she was uber supportive. However these last 6 months, as I've gotten under 200lbs finally, she's majorly distanced herself from me and begun to exclude me almost entirely from social events.
I've been hitting the gym very, very hard (3 cardio days and 3 weight training days a week) lately and although the scale hasn't moved a lot since the beginning of the year, I've lost a lot of inches and my face has shrunk a lot. Well consequently, when we go out now, I get a lot of attention from the opposite sex. Men buy me drinks, aggressively flirt with me, etc. None of it solicited, mind you...and nothing I think I'll ever get used to either.
One night about 5 months ago, we were leaving happy hour (after I exchanged numbers with a guy who was chatting me up) and she said to me "Why don't men ever talk to me?" in a super hostile, accusatory tone of voice. I didn't know what to say... so I kinda brushed it off and changed the subject.
Well ever since then, I barely see her. We used to spend every weekend doing something social and now, via Facebook, I see that she is having the adventures WE used to share with others- without so much as an invite to me. It hurts a lot. I've racked my brain trying to think of what else could be driving this but I can't think of anything. I've asked my other friends (casually) if they think I've "changed" and they're effusive with praise about my progress and the state of our friendships. They insist I'm still the same, just happier and more fit. They're proud of me and say it all the time- which makes her shunning of me that much more profound & conspicuous.
Has this happened to anyone else? How did you handle it? I've only been best friends with this woman since she moved here two years ago so it's not like I've known her since childhood or anything but we were really, really close when I was fat. This hurts my heart, but it has seriously pissed me the hell off too. Sometimes I want to confront her angrily and other times I just want to say "eff it" and focus on all my supportive friends....I don't know what to do. Advice?

This is what I'm leaning toward- not confronting her or saying anything at all. I'm an emotional person who can cry at the drop of a hat and I kinda don't trust myself to keep my cool. I am *so* uncompetitive with other women that it's hard for me to believe that she possibly sees me as some kind of threat. When she asked "why aren't men talking to ME?" I was flabbergasted and immediately felt guilty for getting attention.
When I was big, we would go out and both be pretty much ignored by men TOGETHER. Maybe that helped endear me to her at the beginning? I think that since this isn't the case anymore she feels isolated or invisible. I feel tremendous compassion for her over that. But I haven't become any less of a good friend to her. And I can't go back to being 285lbs so she feels better about herself.

This is what I'm leaning toward- not confronting her or saying anything at all. I'm an emotional person who can cry at the drop of a hat and I kinda don't trust myself to keep my cool. I am *so* uncompetitive with other women that it's hard for me to believe that she possibly sees me as some kind of threat. When she asked "why aren't men talking to ME?" I was flabbergasted and immediately felt guilty for getting attention.
When I was big, we would go out and both be pretty much ignored by men TOGETHER. Maybe that helped endear me to her at the beginning? I think that since this isn't the case anymore she feels isolated or invisible. I feel tremendous compassion for her over that. But I haven't become any less of a good friend to her. And I can't go back to being 285lbs so she feels better about herself.

I think you should just ask her if you have done something to offend her, and tell her that you miss her.. she might feel like you are doing it specifically in her face.. people can be so fickle! If she was used to getting the attention, and then your new bod is now getting it all..

She's definitely jealous. "Why don't men talk to me?!" That's your indicator right there.
I don't have any friends that are "jealous" of my weight loss per say, and if they are they're not very open about it like your friend seems to be. However, I have had to deal with a friend who seemed to want to sabotage my efforts until I put her into check. I've been the "fat friend" forever. I've always been heaviest in the bunch, and therefore a non-threat to others. I've always been the friend who's down to go out to eat, or go out for something decadent. I can't be that friend anymore. When I started my WLS journey my friend would constantly want to go out and eat, and usually invited me to places where I couldn't eat anything. She doesn't want to share food with me (my other friends are more than happy to split meals because they know I can't finish anything on my own), and not only will she not share, she doesn't even finish her food! She's also disabled and she's been constantly asking me to make food runs and deliveries for her because I live pretty close by. I finally just had to check her one day. Maybe it was intentional, maybe she's just selfish as all get out, but I had to just let her know that inviting me to restaurants that aren't the healthiest options, asking me to pick up junk food for her, etc are all behaviors that are unsupportive to my weight loss journey.
I don't think you should necessarily confront her unless she says or does anything thats outwardly hurtful or makes any attempts at standing in your way. If that happens, you need to check her and fast. Otherwise, it sounds like she's got a whole of her own soul searching to do. She needs to figure out why she's jealous of you and why she's so insecure, because her insecurities and jealousy aren't YOUR fault. You're just doing your thing to be healthy and happy and if she's your friend, she should be okay with that.

I appreciate everyone's advice and thoughtful responses. I spent some time with my friend the day AFTER I posted this and we had a great time together. Her birthday was last week, so I brought her a gift and we laughed and talked with comfort and ease. It was really nice. I didn't want to ruin it by bringing up my "suspicions" so I didn't.
However, this little meet up happened at her place and not in public which probably helped the dynamic. Instead of the parties & happy hours we used to frequent (which are full of men), maybe more private environments are best for our relationship right now. All we can do is wait & see I guess. I'm hopeful we can get our friendship back to where it was though.

I appreciate everyone's advice and thoughtful responses. I spent some time with my friend the day AFTER I posted this and we had a great time together. Her birthday was last week, so I brought her a gift and we laughed and talked with comfort and ease. It was really nice. I didn't want to ruin it by bringing up my "suspicions" so I didn't.
However, this little meet up happened at her place and not in public which probably helped the dynamic. Instead of the parties & happy hours we used to frequent (which are full of men), maybe more private environments are best for our relationship right now. All we can do is wait & see I guess. I'm hopeful we can get our friendship back to where it was though.

This is what I'm leaning toward- not confronting her or saying anything at all. I'm an emotional person who can cry at the drop of a hat and I kinda don't trust myself to keep my cool. I am *so* uncompetitive with other women that it's hard for me to believe that she possibly sees me as some kind of threat. When she asked "why aren't men talking to ME?" I was flabbergasted and immediately felt guilty for getting attention.
When I was big, we would go out and both be pretty much ignored by men TOGETHER. Maybe that helped endear me to her at the beginning? I think that since this isn't the case anymore she feels isolated or invisible. I feel tremendous compassion for her over that. But I haven't become any less of a good friend to her. And I can't go back to being 285lbs so she feels better about herself.

I appreciate everyone's advice and thoughtful responses. I spent some time with my friend the day AFTER I posted this and we had a great time together. Her birthday was last week, so I brought her a gift and we laughed and talked with comfort and ease. It was really nice. I didn't want to ruin it by bringing up my "suspicions" so I didn't.
However, this little meet up happened at her place and not in public which probably helped the dynamic. Instead of the parties & happy hours we used to frequent (which are full of men), maybe more private environments are best for our relationship right now. All we can do is wait & see I guess. I'm hopeful we can get our friendship back to where it was though.

I appreciate everyone's advice and thoughtful responses. I spent some time with my friend the day AFTER I posted this and we had a great time together. Her birthday was last week, so I brought her a gift and we laughed and talked with comfort and ease. It was really nice. I didn't want to ruin it by bringing up my "suspicions" so I didn't.
However, this little meet up happened at her place and not in public which probably helped the dynamic. Instead of the parties & happy hours we used to frequent (which are full of men), maybe more private environments are best for our relationship right now. All we can do is wait & see I guess. I'm hopeful we can get our friendship back to where it was though.

I appreciate everyone's advice and thoughtful responses. I spent some time with my friend the day AFTER I posted this and we had a great time together. Her birthday was last week, so I brought her a gift and we laughed and talked with comfort and ease. It was really nice. I didn't want to ruin it by bringing up my "suspicions" so I didn't.
However, this little meet up happened at her place and not in public which probably helped the dynamic. Instead of the parties & happy hours we used to frequent (which are full of men), maybe more private environments are best for our relationship right now. All we can do is wait & see I guess. I'm hopeful we can get our friendship back to where it was though.

I appreciate everyone's advice and thoughtful responses. I spent some time with my friend the day AFTER I posted this and we had a great time together. Her birthday was last week, so I brought her a gift and we laughed and talked with comfort and ease. It was really nice. I didn't want to ruin it by bringing up my "suspicions" so I didn't.
However, this little meet up happened at her place and not in public which probably helped the dynamic. Instead of the parties & happy hours we used to frequent (which are full of men), maybe more private environments are best for our relationship right now. All we can do is wait & see I guess. I'm hopeful we can get our friendship back to where it was though.

I appreciate everyone's advice and thoughtful responses. I spent some time with my friend the day AFTER I posted this and we had a great time together. Her birthday was last week, so I brought her a gift and we laughed and talked with comfort and ease. It was really nice. I didn't want to ruin it by bringing up my "suspicions" so I didn't.
However, this little meet up happened at her place and not in public which probably helped the dynamic. Instead of the parties & happy hours we used to frequent (which are full of men), maybe more private environments are best for our relationship right now. All we can do is wait & see I guess. I'm hopeful we can get our friendship back to where it was though.

Just ask her. Don't drive yourself crazy over it. I'm One of those people who will straight out ask you if "we" have a problem. I'm blunt but it takes the guess work out of it.

I had a friend that had weight loss surgery a few years ago. I am no longer friends with her. I am sure she tells people I am jealous or whatever, but in reality her whole personality changed. She was shy and quiet before and really sweet and she let people walk over her. When she lost weight, she got confidence and over compensated the other way. She turned into a raging bitch about every little thing. Instead of knowing when to compromise or agree to disagree she wanted to argue every point until she "won" every conversation, even simple conversations where there is no clear winner. It got exhausting. I tired to be cool for a year or so but I gave up. I'm an adult and I know myself. She was going on this fantastic journey of self discovery or whatever and I did that with all my college friends in college. I don't dislike her, I just stopped talking to her, she isn't the same person. BTW this was an online friend so there was no physical jealousy, we have never hung out in person even though we had been friends several years. I am sure one day she will find that balance of being assertive without going overboard.
Kitty,
People are sometimes unhappy with their lives and they don't realize it, until they see someone else happy. I think your friend is unhappy and feeling insecure. If she is already insecure on her own, being around someone that makes her more insecure is probably more than she can handle. She probably doesn't know how to verbalize this to you. Reach out to her once, if she doesn't respond, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

I have been in the same boat. Sadly, you cant figure out the reason people sometimes change. I am sure your success somehow makes her more aware of her insecurities. Anyway, it is painful to lose a friend and I am sorry you are hurting. Congrats on the weight loss!. I would just focus on other friends and activities and don't try to analyze. Hopefully she will come around. It does make me sad to see women who don't support other women. I get tired of my weight being the sole topic with some friends. I DO like the same hobbies etc...I am just smaller.

Personally I don't this this had so much to do with your weight loss as it does your happiness. Know the saying "misery loves company"? Some people just like unhappy people (or even people they think should be unhappy). I had a friend who was great. We worked together, went out together, talked all the time etc... I would honestly call her a best friend. She was always complaining to me about a guy she was obsessed with who wasnt as in to her. Then one day I met this amazing guy who made me happy and who was very obviously in to me (this is actually my husband now). Next thing I know she completely stopped talking to me and is seemed she almost "shunned" me. 6 years later it still hurts to find out our friendship meant so little to her. My advice to you is to sit her down and ask her what is going on. Tell her your feelings (the sooner the better because the longer u wait, the harder it gets). I actually waited several months to ask my "friend" what happened and by then it was just too late to fix things. Good luck, I really hope things work out for u.

Wow, how terrible that your "friend" is so invested in getting her ego boosts from being "prettier" than you. What a sad, shallow existence. I hate stories like this. You don't deserve that. You're absolutely right that surrounding yourself with positive people is a healthy habit...the same way eating well and exercising is.
I honestly don't take any comfort in being "the pretty one" now. I just want my friend back. I now have to come to terms with the fact that this relationship will likely always be fractured as long as I'm fit. It's a horrible feeling because I am so much happier with myself and so much more satisfied with life. I want to share that joy. I have worked SO hard for this and made so many sacrifices to lose this weight. I want the people I care about to be just as thrilled as I am.

This is what I'm leaning toward- not confronting her or saying anything at all. I'm an emotional person who can cry at the drop of a hat and I kinda don't trust myself to keep my cool. I am *so* uncompetitive with other women that it's hard for me to believe that she possibly sees me as some kind of threat. When she asked "why aren't men talking to ME?" I was flabbergasted and immediately felt guilty for getting attention.
When I was big, we would go out and both be pretty much ignored by men TOGETHER. Maybe that helped endear me to her at the beginning? I think that since this isn't the case anymore she feels isolated or invisible. I feel tremendous compassion for her over that. But I haven't become any less of a good friend to her. And I can't go back to being 285lbs so she feels better about herself.

This is what I'm leaning toward- not confronting her or saying anything at all. I'm an emotional person who can cry at the drop of a hat and I kinda don't trust myself to keep my cool. I am *so* uncompetitive with other women that it's hard for me to believe that she possibly sees me as some kind of threat. When she asked "why aren't men talking to ME?" I was flabbergasted and immediately felt guilty for getting attention.
When I was big, we would go out and both be pretty much ignored by men TOGETHER. Maybe that helped endear me to her at the beginning? I think that since this isn't the case anymore she feels isolated or invisible. I feel tremendous compassion for her over that. But I haven't become any less of a good friend to her. And I can't go back to being 285lbs so she feels better about herself.

Has anyone experienced a good friend distancing themselves from you after your weight loss?
A little background- I consider myself a feminist and most definitely a "girl's girl". My relationships with women have enriched my life more than anything else and I deeply value my friendships. I don't want this thread polluted with "women are catty b****es" messages please, because I do NOT believe that stereotype to be true and I think it's simplistic and degrading. The vast majority of my lady friends have been supportive of my 107lb weight loss. And ALL of them (except one) are thin/normal weight.
​HOWEVER, the person I considered my "best" friend seems to be shutting me out of her life and it is incredibly painful and not at all something I anticipated. This is a normal size friend. She's not plus sized and never has been. She's probably a size 8 or 10.
At the beginning of my WLS journey, she was uber supportive. However these last 6 months, as I've gotten under 200lbs finally, she's majorly distanced herself from me and begun to exclude me almost entirely from social events.
I've been hitting the gym very, very hard (3 cardio days and 3 weight training days a week) lately and although the scale hasn't moved a lot since the beginning of the year, I've lost a lot of inches and my face has shrunk a lot. Well consequently, when we go out now, I get a lot of attention from the opposite sex. Men buy me drinks, aggressively flirt with me, etc. None of it solicited, mind you...and nothing I think I'll ever get used to either.
One night about 5 months ago, we were leaving happy hour (after I exchanged numbers with a guy who was chatting me up) and she said to me "Why don't men ever talk to me?" in a super hostile, accusatory tone of voice. I didn't know what to say... so I kinda brushed it off and changed the subject.
Well ever since then, I barely see her. We used to spend every weekend doing something social and now, via Facebook, I see that she is having the adventures WE used to share with others- without so much as an invite to me. It hurts a lot. I've racked my brain trying to think of what else could be driving this but I can't think of anything. I've asked my other friends (casually) if they think I've "changed" and they're effusive with praise about my progress and the state of our friendships. They insist I'm still the same, just happier and more fit. They're proud of me and say it all the time- which makes her shunning of me that much more profound & conspicuous.
Has this happened to anyone else? How did you handle it? I've only been best friends with this woman since she moved here two years ago so it's not like I've known her since childhood or anything but we were really, really close when I was fat. This hurts my heart, but it has seriously pissed me the hell off too. Sometimes I want to confront her angrily and other times I just want to say "eff it" and focus on all my supportive friends....I don't know what to do. Advice?