Comfy_Blue

I'm 32 years old and was sleeved a couple years ago. It's completely changed my life for the better.

My husband is two years younger than me. When we met three years ago I was 250lbs and he weighed about 285lbs.

Now I weigh 145lbs and he's about 340 - 350ish. He has severe obstructive sleep apnea, has trouble walking up and down stairs, gets winded when sitting still, complains of joint pain, sweats profusely with minimal activity, has trouble breathing, and we almost never have sex anymore because its difficult since his stomach is very large and gets in the way no matter what position we try.

Earlier this week he went to bend down and grab something and his pants ripped leaving a huge gaping hole that can't be repaired.

When he eats, he moans after each bite and opens his mouth as wide as he can pushing in as much food as possible. I get worried when he drives because his stomach is almost touching the wheel which doesn't seem safe. :-(

Over the last few months he has broken a kitchen chair, one of the seats in my mom's car, my cousins bed and last night while we were talking in bed one of tue wooden slats on his side broke.

Our bed is practically brand new (we bought it in January along with the mattress), king size and not cheap. Because of his weight, my dad reinforced our bed when they put it together by adding 7 extra wooden slats (the bed came with 3) underneath.

My husband said it wasn't him, the wood was just weak. Later he tried to get into bed again and there was another loud crack and another slat broke. So he ended up sleeping on the couch and said he's going to order some steel bed slats from the Internet and then it'll be fine.

Despite all these things, he continues to refuse to have surgery. He says he can do it with weight watchers. He goes to meetings and loses .4 lbs, then gains 2lbs, then loses .8 lbs, then maybe another .2 lbs, then gains another 1.5 lbs and so on. It's not much progress and honestly I don't believe he can do it on his own because he doesn't track his points or exercise.

I talked to his parents about my concerns during Christmas. He got upset when they confronted him about it, then he stopped eating red meat for awhile and now he's right back at it.

I don't know what to do anymore. I love him but I'm so disgusted with how he's living his life. I try to be loving and supportive but I don't want my husband to die or get diabetes/have a heart attack/stroke etc. I've told him that and still he refuses the surgery.

I've cried, yelled, kept quiet, begged, demanded and so forth. I've talked about how my health and life have improved. I reminded him diabetes runs on both the matermal and paternal side of his family. His dad's diabetes have even led to kidney failure.

Nothing works. He just keeps saying he's making changes and is going to lose 200 lbs in three years.

Has anyone been through this or have advice?

When I started my journey almost two years ago, I remember being told during my psych eval that it is very common for us sleevers to develop other addictions post-opt. Made sense to me, since food was my drug of choice and this "treatment" would severely limit my "habit" (ha ha).

However, I never thought I would develop a post-opt addiction because I'm against drinking (alcoholism runs in my family), smoking (my grandma died of lung cancer), gambling (brother is an addict) and excessive shopping (I love clothes, but I'm also very cheap) or a lot of the other common vices I saw around me.

I thought I was fine. Then, slowly and without me realizing it, I started becoming addicted to my job.

I have a special alert set on my phone just for work emails. It doesn't matter if I'm at church, in bed half asleep, having dinner with friends, on vacation, at the doctor's office, at a traffic light, whatever. If I hear that special alert, I'm clamoring for my phone. Almost all my lunches are working lunches. On the weekend, I will sit down at my computer for "a minute" to do something quick for work, and not realize several hours have gone by until I get hungry and/or need to pee.

My job also dominates most of my conversations. I've noticed it myself and find that when I try NOT to talk about work, it agitates me. So I take turns talking off different people's ear about my job. I get excited when someone I don't talk to regularly contacts me because I know that means I can talk about my job for a long time and not feel guilty because it's not like they have to listen to me everyday.

When I watch TV, I'm half paying attention because I'm either reading a work email, responding to a work email or making a document for my job.

Even though my Mom (who I'm extremely close with) has said several times that I seem consumed with my job, I didn't realize it was true until I had two panic attacks (one this morning, one last month). As I was driving home today sorting through my feelings, I remember my pre-opt psych eval. Now that I don't/can't binge eat, work is my new "comfort food". But like I used to do with food, I'm overdoing it.

All my self-esteem and sense of self worth has also become tied up into my job. When I do a great job at work, then I'm walking on sunshine. When things don't go as planned, then I'm miserable and feel worthless. If I find out I've been excluded from something social (ie: maybe some coworkers go to a happy hour) I feel devastated even though I have a good number of close friends and family I spend time with outside of work. I constantly compare myself to other more senior staff members and tell myself I'm a loser who didn't deserve my promotion. Even though I've worked at my current job with the same staff and boss for almost 7 years, every day I go in like I have something to prove. Most mornings, I'm there before my boss and even though I leave before the boss, I go home and work another 3 - 4 hours.

I plan to talk to my therapist, but I just thought I'd share. If anyone has thoughts and/or has been through something similar, would love to hear.

Thanks for reading/listening.

The neck thing was definitely exciting! Prior to have WLS, my neck was a Mama June (Honey Boo Boo's mom) in the making. What used to annoy me is that I would see people (friends, family and strangers) who were much larger than me yet their necks were smooth. It got to the point that i started wearing scarves and turtle necks in an attempt to hide my neck.

Now I show it off with dainty necklaces, statement pieces and whatever else.

The egg with semen at 2 weeks is really the conception. You don't have to do any math. If babycenter says you're 4 weeks, that's the picture you look at.

By the way, I used to be a forum host over there!

Thank you so much, this has been really helpful. LoL, and what a small world that you're a forum host on BC! BTW, I see from your ticker that your surgery is scheduled for today. Good luck!! I know how it can be a little nerve wracking and so I appreciate even more that you took time on your special day to answer my question and ease my own nerves. :-)

Pregnancy isn't dated from the date of conception, it's dated from the date of your last period. Stupid, I know. So you get credit for two weeks gestation that never happened.

Thank you Sharon! That is pretty stupid and confusing.

Now please, bear with me and my ignorance just a little longer as I have one more question. Even though I am technically only 2 weeks pregnant, the Baby Center app shows me at 4 and is showing me pictures of a 4 week old fetus. Is that actually what my baby looks like right now? Or does my baby look like the baby under the 2 week tab (the "baby" under the 2 week's along tab looks like an egg surrounded by semen)?

Should I always subtract 2 weeks off of where Baby Center says I am?

(I'm sorry if this is coming across confusing. I feel like things are getting lost in translation here. If you need me to clarify, it's okay)

Hello All,

I'm new to the board so as a quick introduction I've been ttc with my husband for two years on our own before we did our first IUI in March 2015. It was unsuccessful, so we did a second IUI on July 23. Yesterday, my blood work confirmed that I have a "cautious positive".

My nurse explained a "cautious positive" as meaning that my HCG level is raised, and that I need to come in on Monday. If the number has increased, then I need to come in again on Wednesday. If my numbers keep increasing, then it means that I have likely conceived. If the numbers start to drop, then I haven't conceived. She said it can go either way.

Here is what is confusing me:

When I downloaded a pregnancy app from Babycenter, it asked me to enter the date of my last period which was June 5. I did and the app says I am 4 weeks along with a due date of April 10.

I figured that must be a mistake because my insemination was July 23, which is TWO weeks ago, not four. So I google'd IUI calculator which prompted me to enter in the date of my insemination. The IUI calculator gave almost identical results, and said that I am 4 weeks along with an estimated due date of April 14.

Does that make sense to you all? If so, can you explain it to me because I'm very confused. If I am pregnant, how can I be four weeks along when my insemination was 2 weeks ago? Are both calculators wrong?

Based on my own experience, no. I didn't notice any more hair loss than usual, maybe because I'm a youngish sleever (was 28 when I had it done) and while I do straighten my hair, I haven't permed it since I was 19 and I rarely color my hair. I also don't wear extensions or braids, so my hair may have started off in a little better shape so whatever "damage" was done from my sleeve perhaps wasn't that bad.

I personally wouldn't feel comfortable with an open relationship, however I am not judging nor saying if you should or shouldn't have one. I will say that I do understand how WLS can change the dynamic of the relationship, especially in a situation like mine where you see your spouse going down the EXACT same unhealthy path you went down, but refusing to do anything but make excuses and broken promises about it. That's a really hard pill for me to swallow and it breaks my heart (and makes me angry)

However, if I got to the point where I needed someone else, then as painful as it would be, I would separate and divorce.

I've always loved the same kind of clothes, but when my body was bigger, they didn't fit/look right on me, so I never could dress the way I wanted. Bigger Me wore jeans and t-shirts with an occasional elastic waist-banded skirt thrown in.

Smaller Me wears cutsie mini dresses, colorful shorts that came above my knees, maxi dresses that cinch at the waist, skinny jeans, Bohemian tank tops, etc.

Some clothes still don't work for me (ie: my chest is a lot smaller now, so sometimes outfits will fit my wide bottom but be too loose on the top) but I can wear A LOT more stuff now than I can back then.

My absolute favorite thing is how easy it is for me to find stuff to wear when I need to dress up. I used to dread formal events because I knew it would take all day to find a dress that fit me and didn't look too matronly. Now, I can be in and out of any clothing store in 10 - 15 minutes with a wider selection of dresses. :-D

Yup, he went through the entire process with me, from the moment I started researching the types of WLS, to the 10 day liquid diet, to my entire life post-opt. He was extremely supportive, helpful, went to appointments with me, etc.

If the situation were reversed (he lost 100lbs and I was still 250lbs and gaining), it would be really hard for me and I would be even more motivated to having WLS. In fact, seeing my best friend's results from WLS is what convinced me.

I think he is in denial. Sure, lots of people weigh 338lbs+ and lose w/o WLS, but I don't feel he is one of those. Maybe therapy is the best option as the other poster said because I'm tired of trying to convince him.

@@Comfy_BlueM Ouch that's a hard one but in all honesty he's going to do whatever he wants to do. I don't think there's any thing you can say or do that Is going to make him jump on the bandwagon with his current attitude and thought process. Does he feel good at that weight? I wouldn't think so!! I know it's probably beyond frustrating for you since you had the surgery and (going by your listed numbers) you've lose 105 lbs and are at a healthy weight. I assume he has been with you through that? So why he wouldn't see your Results and not want that for himself is just hard to comprehend. Until he learns that he can in fact live with out "steak,beer, and soda" it looks like he's just going to be planted in front of the TV popping Vitamins and hoping for the best. You've done your part by communicating your concerns with him but ultimately It's going to have to be his choice. Good luck girl!@

I hear ya! I know it's petty, but I keep hoping to run into my ex-fiance. When we were together, he was super trim (wash board abs and everything) and whereas I was steadily packing on the pounds.

I remember we were talking about getting married, and he said something to the effect of, "Hey, you should buy your wedding dress a few sizes too small to motivate you to lose some weight before our wedding."

Now I'm married, and I'm smaller now than I was when he first met me. And to be quite honest, I look really good. The improvement to my diet has made my hair grow several inches, I dress better, I've learned to wear make up and I generally take better care of my appearance and body.

I am extremely worried about my husband's health because:

1. He is only 28, but weighs close to 340 lbs

2. His health is starting to suffer (joint pain, fatigue, severe obstructive sleep apnea)

3. His job and all his hobbies are sedentary

4. Diabetes runs on both sides of his family

5. He is unable to do lightly active stuff like go to festivals because of the standing/walking

I thought last summer would have been a wake up call to him. We went on a family vacation that required a light to moderate amount of walking and even though my husband and I were the youngest people on the trip he was the only one that had to keep stopping. Eventually he ended up having to sit in the car and took a nap until everyone was ready to leave.

Every month or so, I'll try to talk to him about my concerns. I know from experience weight is a touchy subject, so I feel like I'm sensitive about it.

He responds with things like:

1. "I can do it on my own. I've already lost 5 lbs. The Vitamins I get from GNC are helping." (reality: he gains a few lbs, then loses 1 or 2. then regains a few lbs, then loses 1. Weight has gone from 290 to 338 in 2 years)

2. "I can't give up my beer/soda/big portions of food."

3. "You're right, I need to do better. Tell you what, give me <insert random number> months to try it on my own. If I can't do it, then I'll think seriously about WLS."

But nothing changes.

Is there anything else left for me to do?

I usually shave because I feel the more hair the more likely you are to hold odor. However I've been au natural for about 3 months now because I'm a curly q up and downstairs which means if I don't maintain it gets crazy down there. Once it gets crazy I get lazy about shaving because I know it's going to take forever. I'm due in for an appt with my gyno soon so I guess I'll break down and do it this weekend.

Since I hit the 130s I've been experiencing discomfort/pain when I sit. I think it's my tailbone because when I put my hand to where the pain is coming from It's a little below the crack of my butt and it feels like a very hard, somewhat flat bone.

Last week I went to the movies with my husband and I slouched down in the seat and put my legs up on the seat in front of me (it was a mostly empty theater). Anyway that bone started to hurt within a half hour and even after I changed positions it hurt the rest of the night.

Today I attended a theee hour meeting where I sat in a hard plastic chair and surprisingly I was fine. Then when I was driving home I had to keep adjusting because that bone was bothering me again. My car has padded seats so I was a little surprised.

Right now I am sitting cross legged on my bed typing this on my ipad and it feels like my bone is pushing into the mattess. It feels like a dull ache that wants to become painful if I dont shift.

What gives? Is this normal? Is it one of those things that will pass? (When i hit 170lbs it used to be very uncomfortable for me to lay on my side i guess because I had less padding. Now It doesn't bother me)

I only get off offended if someone says I'm too skinny because I feel like they are being a jerk 9 times out of 10. I went from 245 lbs to 136lbs. I'm 5'6 and curvy so I am by no means too skinny.

It's so weird being on the other side. One of my best friends has always been thin (l don't know how much she weighs, but I'm now a size 4 and she's still much smaller than me, so maybe a size 1 or possibly a 0) and she used to tell me how much it hurt her feelings and offended her when people called her skinny. I never understood. Now I'm starting to. It's not a good feeling when people feel they have the right to comment on your body, which we're all still adjusting and getting used to.

I don't remember being any colder than usual during my pre-op diet, however after I lost most of my weight I did notice that my body gets colder than it used to. I used to always blast the air conditioner, now I'm the first one to complain I'm cold. I think a lot of the issue is that since we're eating less, our Iron gets lower which makes it harder to stay warm.

I would double check this with your nutritionist because I am NOT by any means an expert or in the medical field, but you may consider taking a multi-Vitamin like optisource or some Iron pills. When I stopped taking my supplements regularly, I did get colder than when I didn't

Typically...and this is only suggestion, as per my primary doc and my surgeon...anything that needs to be taken 4 times a day and needs to be spaced for maximum absorption should just be taken at meals and at bedtime. It's not only the best for spacing, but easiest to remember. Just do one at each meal, and one right before bedtime.

Hope this helps...wish you the best!

After a bout of not taking good care of myself, I'm determined to get back on the horse and have been trying to take my optisource bariatric supplement regularly (which is 4 times a day). What confuses me is that the bottle reads that you should take the supplement four times a day spaced throughout the day for optimal absorption. I have no idea how spaced apart I should be taking them. In the past I was putting a few hours between each which is why I believe I wasn't taking them as regularly as I should.

I would ideally like to take 1 tablet every two hours so I could be done by the time I get off work, but I'm not sure if that's too close together. This is the schedule I used to follow (and had a hard time sticking too):

6:30 a.m.: 1st Pill

10:45 a.m.: 2nd pill

3:00 p.m.: 3rd pill

7:00 p.m.: 4th pill

I know it sounds like it shouldn't be hard, but I get so busy that I forget. I've tried setting reminders in my phone, but that can be disruptive at work since I'm a teacher. The pills are also rather large, so I've been having trouble finding a container that's small and discreet enough to hold the four pills inside so I can pop one while I'm out.

1. "How much more weight are you planning to lose?" I am under my Doctors care and we are working that out together.

2. "Wow, looks like you're STILL losing." Yes, I am so happy.

3. "How much further are you planning to go?" Same as #1

4. "Pretty soon we're not going to be able to see you!" I know, right? I love it. Thanks for noticing.

5. * coworker sees me running copies at the machine and half eating my lunch* "Oh, so THAT'S how you stay so skinny! You stay busy!" No, that is only part of it. The other part is a lot of HARD WORK.

Try to get some automated responses. I heard, Don't lose any more weight, you are too thin.

Don't try to think about why they say it. Some are good reasons, some are hurtful, jealous reasons. Doesn't matter, they don't know what to say. Even the people that are trying to be nice. In general people don't like change. Good luck with this.

I

Thank you to everyone for the great comebacks! I really like what I've been seeing. I want to have a response other than to laugh or smile awkwardly. These are all so simple but so effective!!

While I personally haven't experienced a promotion due to my looks, I do believe I am a better employee and more opportunities are presented to me because I have more energy. My classroom used to be a mess and I don't feel like I was good of a teacher because I was tired all the time.

I also felt really unattractive because I had a hard time finding clothes. Maybe I was shopping at all the wrong places, but most of the clothes I found in my size looked matronly, fit weird (ie: the arms holes were too tight) or were really expensive.

Now I have so much more energy. Don't get me wrong, there are still days when I'm so tired I hit the couch the second I get home and am knocked out for hours, but that happens once every 2 - 3 weeks, instead of everyday. Since my brain isn't all fuzzy from the lack of energy and sleep (I had mild obstructive sleep apnea and doctor said I used to wake up 25 - 30 times an hour!) I'm more organized at work and able to give my all to the kids.

While I do have a mild case of body dysmorphia, I do feel more attractive and getting dressed for work is no longer a struggle because now that more things fit, I can shop pretty much anywhere. So instead of having about 10 outfits I actually felt good in and 30 outfits that were too tight/I didn't feel good in, I now have a closet full of clothes that I like each and every one of.

Because I feel good about how I look, I am more positive and upbeat. Having a more positive attitude and upbeat outlook means I've been asked to participate in more things and I've also come up with a few great projects that got my supervisor's attention. I think if I'd done the same things heavier, I'd have had the same results. It just wasn't physically possible back then

Aw, you guys are awesome. Thank you for the support and advice. I've always felt uncomfortable in my skin, from the time I was a sz 6 in high school, to a sz 10 in college, to a sz 20/22 for most of my post-college career and now at the smallest I've ever been which is a sz 3/4.

However, I do plan to transfer to another position because in addition to not meshing well with my team, there are some things I really don't like about the administration at my school. I think I was able to deal with the administration better when I had the support of my team. It's kind of like being a kid with really strict parents and going from having siblings to help you get through to being an only child.

I'm one of those people who didn't carry excess weight very well (hello Chipmunk cheeks, triple chin and roll upon roll of neck fat!), so when i hit the 50 lbs weight loss mark, quite a few people noticed. Now that I'm a member of the Century Club, EVERYONE notices (or they don't realize I'm the same person until someone points it out to them. LOL). Anyway, I mainly get compliments.

However, what I'm having trouble dealing with are evasive comments that make me feel awkward. It'll be things like:

1. "How much more weight are you planning to lose?"

2. "Wow, looks like you're STILL losing."

3. "How much further are you planning to go?"

4. "Pretty soon we're not going to be able to see you!"

5. * coworker sees me running copies at the machine and half eating my lunch* "Oh, so THAT'S how you stay so skinny! You stay busy!"

I know there's a lot of sarcastic/nasty responses I could, but most of the people commenting are my coworkers, and I don't want to cause trouble for myself at work by snapping at someone.

Also, I don't get the sense that most of them are trying to be rude/nasty because when I was on the otherside, if I saw someone go from a size 20/22 to a size 3/4, I can see myself saying all of those things. And I am by no means a rude/mean/obnoxious/extremely nosy person. I would just be curious or trying to make conversation.

Any suggestions?

Yay! My biggest victory has been no being forced to wear shorts under all my skirts to keep my thighs from rubbing together, sweating then chafing from friction.

The 1st time I had to wear shorts was when I hit 175lb in college. When I dropped down to around 160 this year I found I no longer needed them.

People are going to hate regardless, so might as well let them hate on you for something positive. (Though to be fair, I know it's harder when it's your family).

I can relate to how you anticipate feeling because an older lady at work saw my wedding photo on my desk (not sure WHY she was in my room seeing as how she works on the complete opposite side of the building in a different department) and said to me several times, "You and your husband look just alike! You look like brother and sister!" Then she said it to other people. I tried to laugh it off and say, "No, we really don't" and she's actually start arguing with me that we did.

Keep in mind, that I look nothing like my husband. The only thing we have in common is that we're the same race and we were both pretty big (I was 250 lbs, he was 300 lbs). So I pretty much felt like she was saying we because we were both fat, we looked the same.

Flash forward to now. I've lost over 100 lbs and I've overheard the other ladies in her department whispering how good I look. Wanna guess what my rude friend says to me now?

"When you gonna have a baby? Why aren't you pregnant yet?"

Finally on Friday I said, "Do you see how good I look? How hard I've worked to get here? Once you start having babies, you lose that." Then I looked at her pointedly, smiled and kept walking.

I'm right there with you. They look okay inside a bra underneath my clothes, but when the bra comes off, let's just say those sweet chariots swing quite low. The sad part is I'm only 30 and haven't had any children yet, soooooo....yeah, who knows what the future has in store once they swell up with pregnancy fat, then deflate again.

Thing is, my boobs have always been kind of saggy, even when I was a slim teenager. They look the worse when I bend over without a bra or lift them up in my hands.

Edit: I started out as a 40 - 42DD. Now I'm in a loose 36D. I should stop being a bum and get a smaller bra, but finding the perfect bra is such a pain.