Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!

AvaFern

Gastric Sleeve Patients
  • Content Count

    3,424
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    1

Reputation Activity

  1. Like
    AvaFern reacted to rspk1963@gmail.com in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    You've done so much with you're life, on your own. So much success in many ways. I know law school is important to you but you're not a failure! If other people want to talk and be judgemental that's their problem...yes that's because they have their own problem and instead find fault in everyone else. I'm proud of you for not diving into that bag of food and having that party, that in itself is a great accomplishment. Things have a way of working out. Please don't kick yourself, you're great, and don't ever forget that.
  2. Like
    AvaFern reacted to James Marusek in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    Remembering back to my college days. That was a long time ago, a really long time ago, almost a half a century ago give or take a few years. I had a class it was called Quantum Mechanics. It was a core requirement for my major. I pulled an "F" in the class. As a matter of fact almost everyone that took the class drew an "F" except two extremely smart kids that drew "D's". That professor had a reputation for failing out students that is why so many students avoided his class and choose other professors. Anyways long story short, I retook the class. And as I would have it, by the same professor. A few days before the final, I was told that the majority of the grade would be from the final exam, that it was an open book test, and that everything on the test would be in the book. So going into the test I knew from practical experience that this was going to be the ultimate killer test. When the tests were passed out I was floored by the fact that none of the questions were even remotely in the book. I did my best, beads of sweat passing down my brow, question after question. Then with only 10 minutes left before the test needed to be turned it, I discovered that indeed one of the questions was in the book. It was hidden away in a footnote. As a matter of fact, all the questions were in the footnotes. Anyways I passed the final and passed the course. So the two words of wisdom from this is
    #1 Never take a course you fail, from the same professor again and if possible do some advance research on the professor prior to taking the class the first time. Part of college is a winnowing process, separating the chaff from the grain. Sometimes advanced classes or extra credit class though they may be a bit tougher produce better grades.
    #2 Always read the footnotes.
    The second thing that passes through my mind was a young girl who graduated from our local high school with all A's for her entire school life. She was constantly groomed and pushed by her parents. She received a full ride scholarship. She only lasted a semester or two in college. The stress destroyed her. She was so use to getting A's that she could not accept anything less. She became anorexic. She dropped out of that college, lost her scholarship, transferred to another college and major and slowly put her life back in order. My daughters were high achievers. When my girls went off to college, I had a motto that I gave them. It was "D" is for Diploma. It wasn't that I wanted them to get anything less than an A, but rather if they get a bad grade or two, it wasn't the end of the world. It was a way of taking the stress off them.
    The third thing that crosses my mind is that you seem programmed for failure. You need to turn that around. How can you change your life to succeed? Going to law school is very demanding. Going to law school while working a full time job, while commuting many hours per day, is next to impossible. If you want to succeed towards your goal of getting a law degree, you need to relieve the stress and not by eating junk food. This can be done by selling your home and getting rid of your mortgage; relocating close to the school to a dorm room or sorority house or apartment; limiting your workload to around 20 hours per week. The stress is killing you. So plan on succeeding not for failing.
  3. Like
    AvaFern reacted to gowalking in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    Oh I'm so glad you wrote to us. THIS is what BP is all about. Empathy, support, whatever it is you need...hopefully this site can help with. Everyone who wrote something back to you...especially Heather, gave you spot on advice. I can't add anything more than thank you so much for sharing with us and coming here instead of giving in to the demons.
  4. Like
    AvaFern reacted to esskay77 in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    Whew! I'm exhausted just reading this! I can't imagine how exhausting it is living it!! You have a lot going on and on almost every level, you are succeeding. Don't be so hard on yourself. I know that's hard. I'm guessing that you have always been hard on yourself but you now need to give yourself a break. I have also spent money on all kinds of junk food with the intention of eating it. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. Just buying it gives me enough satisfaction most of the time (and yes, i need to work on that!!).
    Take things one at a time, talk to the school to see what can be done (if you don't ask, you don't get!!).
    I know you will do great and I bet just writing it helped a lot. You are not alone. We are here for you. And I"m sure you have others in your life that are there for you, too. I wish you nothing but the best!!!!
  5. Like
    AvaFern reacted to _Kate_ in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    So brutally honest... I have always enjoyed reading your posts, I respect you even more now. You say it as it is and take ownership of it. Just want to send a hug to you across the miles.
    Kate x
  6. Like
    AvaFern reacted to cheneisew in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    Let me preface this statement by saying I'm also in law school. A 3L. So you got an F that crap really sucks because grades translate to jobs. But you will not fail out I promise you. Talk to the administration see if they can hold off until spring semester with the scholarship. Also change your schedule to be more in line with your work schedule. The AbA removed the 20 hour max the stull strongly suggest it though. Pull out the whole song and dance if you have to. Have a good cry you deserve it. 1l first semester is tough like omg tough. With a full time job and full time course load I'm really unsure how your breathing.
    But after you have that cry, you have to make a plan. What did you do good, what did you do bad. Reflect and modify. Sometimes working longer doesn't mean your getting the most in your head. Also sitting in the library doesn't mean your getting your best studying.
    One semester won't tank everything. You can still pull it off if you turn it around. And it's really really hard to get a 2.0 in schools that curve to a b or better.
    I'm gald you didn't binge as well.
    Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G920A using the BariatricPal App
  7. Like
    AvaFern reacted to Bufflehead in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    You've got a lot to address here but I'll stick with one thing -- your grades. Set up conferences with the professors who gave you bad grades so that you can go over your exams with them and figure out what they were looking for that they didn't see on your final. Your profs may seem distant and intimidating and you may feel like it's too embarrassing to go talk to them, but I promise you, they want to talk with you and help you. Law faculty find it incredibly frustrating when students who are struggling do not reach out for help. We want to help you! We are not looking down on you, thinking you are stupid, or anything else.
    Also, if your school has a person designated as an "Academic Success" or similar coordinator, meet with them and ask for all the help you can get.
    You are obviously incredibly bright and willing to work hard. I have no doubt that you can turn this around.
  8. Like
    AvaFern reacted to KaylaWls1216 in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    Just relax ????
    Sent from my Z981 using the BariatricPal App
  9. Like
    AvaFern reacted to Heather I in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    @@AvaFern, you are being VERY hard on yourself.
    Take a minute for yourself. sleep for two days straight, find a hot tub, get a massage, eat at nice (healthy) hot meal at a restaurant that you didn't have to prepare, and practice some self-love.
    You, obviously, are very intelligent. This is a hugely stressful event and time, and everything you are feeling is warranted! I'm glad you've already stopped yourself after a mini binge from doing too much damage, further going down the shame spiral of overeating and beating yourself up. It will be okay!
    Rest, distract yourself with something nice, and think about your options in the light of day in a moment of calm. You've accomplished SO MUCH. I know when you are looking ahead to all the things that HAVE to be done, it's overwhelming.
    When you are up for it, take it in bites; see what needs to be done to retake the class, investigate options to maybe petition the school to change policy on working full-time? You're going to be a lawyer -- you know how to argue for what you want! They taught you! You CAN change things from within.
    Toss the food, and try to stop beating yourself up so much. If the worst thing that happens is you have to retake a class or repeat, God forbid, a semester -- in the grand scheme of your life and desired profession, it's a drop in the bucket! Think of how much time you lost being overweight, thinking you could never go to law school. In comparison, repeating a semester is NOT that bad. I know it throws off your graduation rotation, but there's summer school and winter classes, too, right?

    In the light of day, after some much-needed rest, look at your options. You are healthy, young enough to do what you want with your life, and killing it on all fronts. You may meet someone, if you want to, as well.

    You never know what the future holds! I met my husband at 38, was married 10 months later, and pregnant with our son within 5 months, and pregnant with our daughter under a year after that. By 41 I was married with two toddlers! I also changed careers after 22 years, had major surgery, and other major life events.

    I'm a Type A planner/worrier, and that will never change. But, having said that, as I get older, I really do appreciate that adage; we plan and God laughs.

    It will be okay. You know what to do. Don't kill yourself over one class. Sending you (((((hugs)))) galore. You got this!
  10. Like
    AvaFern reacted to Lucky2Lose in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    I think you need a good nights sleep and wake up to the realization that every choice we make is our own..good or bad, I think you are feeling very overwhelmed so you're feeling very sorry for yourself too, but this isn't the answer. Drinking and eating yourself into a Coma isn't either. It sounds like you are just mentally exhausted..and lord who wouldn't be reading how busy you are..how about instead of spending $25 on junk at the gas station, next time call and schedule a massage..do something good for your body..take a yoga class, do something to just stop the mental bashing and just stop and breath...only you can change your old bad habits into healthy ones. We're all in this together..we got this! You got this!
    Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App
  11. Like
    AvaFern reacted to caddygirl in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    WOW! Sweety it's going to be alright stop beating up on yourself God still loves you and wants you to be happy! I will pray for you to have strength! You are loved no matter if you get an A or an F you are still blessed!
    To God be the Glory for all He has done!
  12. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from vcalvillo90 in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    I just bought all of this, in one trip, at a gas station, and I planned to eat every bit of it.

    So, I did everything right. I've worked 60-80-120 plus hour work weeks for over a decade, and before that, slightly less, as I was still a child. I have two successful businesses, multiple degrees, and this fall I got a full scholarship to law school. Ever since I was a kid, all I wanted to do was go to law school, but since I've been entirely on my own since I was 18, clearly that was never happening. I spent almost all of my 20's working super hard and yo-yo dieting, until I was so fat I had to have 80% of my stomach cut out. I then spent 18 months getting to goal weight, spent a year going through plastics surgery, and then finally, I felt like maybe I could really go after a dream for once. Since all I did was work, I didn't get to have a husband or kids, but hey no big deal, I was smart, I could do other things. So, I applied to law school, did decent on my LSATs, and got a full scholarship. I was so happy.
    Then I got to spend the last 4 months getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night, because oh right, one does not get to work 80 hour weeks, when 40 of the hours that used to be available for work are now forced to be spent in a law school building because your classes are scheduled just far apart that you can't go home and you get to sit in the library and work. Also, thanks to traffic, and my fantastic forced 1L schedule I get to sit in traffic an hour to 90 minutes a day both ways. But hey, when you've got dreams, you can handle going to bed at 3am and getting up at 5:30am, you can sit in classes and try to learn what everyone else gets to spend literally their entire day learning, and then you can go home, work your ass off for 12 hours so that you can still pay your mortgage, because right, you're not a child, and you don't have a spouse, so the only person paying your bills is you. The only person you ever get to count on is you. And so, while everyone in law school full time has literally the only job of learning this crap, and no one even has a part time job, which,...not joking, there is an American Bar Association rule that you can't work more than 20 hours a week, and if they find out they start deducting your grades until you're at part-time, starting of course with your highest grade. Class elitism much? We wonder why there is such a huge class separation in our country and then we see the fact that law school, all law schools in the country ban their students from working. HOW IS THAT LEGAL?! So, back to the "all about me" story. I'm also working on an MBA, which isn't terribly difficult since I have other graduate degrees, but when your law school will actually kick you out if you work more than 20 hours a week, you can't say..."oh I'm sorry, I had to work more hours than most of you idiots are even awake this week" when you don't do great.
    But I didn't do badly...I got A's and B's on all my midterms, without studying, because I'm supposed to be smart right? I booked the property midterm, and I thought I was golden. Well, 2 of my final 5 grades just posted and I got a f****ing F in my contracts class. AN F. Never in my entire life have I gotten an F. I've been first in almost every class I've been in for almost a decade. I thought I knew contracts...clearly I did so freaking horribly that I got an F. The fact that a girl with accomodations, who gets 4.5 hours to take a 3 hour test got an A, oh well hey cool, the law allows her to cheat. Several others have the same accomodations, which when law schools have mandatory curves, their high grades, knock down my grades. I resent the hell out of that, it is absolute bullshit, and the more I think about it, the madder I get. I have the exact same diagnosis that she has, but I decided that I was going to pass law school without cheating...clearly that worked out well for me. I got an F, in a 1L doctrinal class, which not only tanks my GPA for the entirety of law school, but now I need to re-take the class, which is the absolute best case scenario, or if my other grades suck, then I fail out of law school, not to mention the fact that my school is $45K a year and if I don't have a 2.0 GPA it's revoked. My other grade was an A-, which doesn't even balance out my F. I have 3 more grades to post, and if I don't have at least a B or C in all of them, I just failed out of law school. I will be the absolute laughingstock of the world. I have had more career success than almost everyone I know, and yet, I possibly just flunked out of law school because I can either pay my bills and suck at school, or I can be homeless and have the time everyone else does to do well. I don't get to rely on anyone else...it is ALWAYS on me and for the first time in a very long time, I have possibly failed at life and because I am feeling narcisistic at the moment, I am absolutely convinced that everyone is going to be highly amused that I failed. Oh, how far it is too fall. Man, I'm whiny.
    So...I will leave out the pharmaceuticals I first enjoyed, but I then walked to the gas station and bought $25 worth of stuff that will make me feel better. Peanut Butter cups, ice cream, chocolate shake, twix, butterfinger....all the things that used to make it so much less hurtful that I was a worthless loser. So far I ate the ice cream sandwich and I already feel like puking. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to bed, wake up, and throw all of that stuff out.
    I suppose the lesson here is that 3 years ago, I would have eaten every bit of that while crying myself to sleep, and yet 3 years ago I would never have even been in law school because I wouldn't have thought the fat girl had any business being anywhere other than on a treadmill. Now, I want to barf up my ice cream sandwich because apparently milk, chocolate, and Cookies are still on the list of things that make me sick, and even while buying all that crap, there wasn't the same old, feeling, like I was bringing my chocolate-food-friends home for dinner. The more I write, the more I have no desire to go eat anything else. Also, much as I tend to take the side of people who fall off the wagon, because I have my fair share of Starbucks mini scones and sometimes a few bites of sweets (and I thumb my nose at a lot of the rules), around Christmas is really the only time I eat sugary baked stuff because it makes me gain weight quickly, and makes me insanely sick. The last two Christmases I've had almost none of the sweets I'm allowed, and I haven't really missed them. Maybe that's a good indicator for anyone who is considering surgery...you really do stop using food as a crutch, as a friend, as an old reliable companion, even if sometimes you go spend $25 at a gas station in the middle of the night on all kinds of crap that you're probably not going to eat.
    So, since I need to retain my calm, cool, reserved, never worried about anything reputation with my friends, you all get subjected to the hot mess I am right now.
    I think I'm going to go drink Scotch. Or Tequila. Or both.
    For the record though, this is why I try not to judge the bad decisions of others...I make all too many supremely crap choices myself.
  13. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from vcalvillo90 in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    I just bought all of this, in one trip, at a gas station, and I planned to eat every bit of it.

    So, I did everything right. I've worked 60-80-120 plus hour work weeks for over a decade, and before that, slightly less, as I was still a child. I have two successful businesses, multiple degrees, and this fall I got a full scholarship to law school. Ever since I was a kid, all I wanted to do was go to law school, but since I've been entirely on my own since I was 18, clearly that was never happening. I spent almost all of my 20's working super hard and yo-yo dieting, until I was so fat I had to have 80% of my stomach cut out. I then spent 18 months getting to goal weight, spent a year going through plastics surgery, and then finally, I felt like maybe I could really go after a dream for once. Since all I did was work, I didn't get to have a husband or kids, but hey no big deal, I was smart, I could do other things. So, I applied to law school, did decent on my LSATs, and got a full scholarship. I was so happy.
    Then I got to spend the last 4 months getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night, because oh right, one does not get to work 80 hour weeks, when 40 of the hours that used to be available for work are now forced to be spent in a law school building because your classes are scheduled just far apart that you can't go home and you get to sit in the library and work. Also, thanks to traffic, and my fantastic forced 1L schedule I get to sit in traffic an hour to 90 minutes a day both ways. But hey, when you've got dreams, you can handle going to bed at 3am and getting up at 5:30am, you can sit in classes and try to learn what everyone else gets to spend literally their entire day learning, and then you can go home, work your ass off for 12 hours so that you can still pay your mortgage, because right, you're not a child, and you don't have a spouse, so the only person paying your bills is you. The only person you ever get to count on is you. And so, while everyone in law school full time has literally the only job of learning this crap, and no one even has a part time job, which,...not joking, there is an American Bar Association rule that you can't work more than 20 hours a week, and if they find out they start deducting your grades until you're at part-time, starting of course with your highest grade. Class elitism much? We wonder why there is such a huge class separation in our country and then we see the fact that law school, all law schools in the country ban their students from working. HOW IS THAT LEGAL?! So, back to the "all about me" story. I'm also working on an MBA, which isn't terribly difficult since I have other graduate degrees, but when your law school will actually kick you out if you work more than 20 hours a week, you can't say..."oh I'm sorry, I had to work more hours than most of you idiots are even awake this week" when you don't do great.
    But I didn't do badly...I got A's and B's on all my midterms, without studying, because I'm supposed to be smart right? I booked the property midterm, and I thought I was golden. Well, 2 of my final 5 grades just posted and I got a f****ing F in my contracts class. AN F. Never in my entire life have I gotten an F. I've been first in almost every class I've been in for almost a decade. I thought I knew contracts...clearly I did so freaking horribly that I got an F. The fact that a girl with accomodations, who gets 4.5 hours to take a 3 hour test got an A, oh well hey cool, the law allows her to cheat. Several others have the same accomodations, which when law schools have mandatory curves, their high grades, knock down my grades. I resent the hell out of that, it is absolute bullshit, and the more I think about it, the madder I get. I have the exact same diagnosis that she has, but I decided that I was going to pass law school without cheating...clearly that worked out well for me. I got an F, in a 1L doctrinal class, which not only tanks my GPA for the entirety of law school, but now I need to re-take the class, which is the absolute best case scenario, or if my other grades suck, then I fail out of law school, not to mention the fact that my school is $45K a year and if I don't have a 2.0 GPA it's revoked. My other grade was an A-, which doesn't even balance out my F. I have 3 more grades to post, and if I don't have at least a B or C in all of them, I just failed out of law school. I will be the absolute laughingstock of the world. I have had more career success than almost everyone I know, and yet, I possibly just flunked out of law school because I can either pay my bills and suck at school, or I can be homeless and have the time everyone else does to do well. I don't get to rely on anyone else...it is ALWAYS on me and for the first time in a very long time, I have possibly failed at life and because I am feeling narcisistic at the moment, I am absolutely convinced that everyone is going to be highly amused that I failed. Oh, how far it is too fall. Man, I'm whiny.
    So...I will leave out the pharmaceuticals I first enjoyed, but I then walked to the gas station and bought $25 worth of stuff that will make me feel better. Peanut Butter cups, ice cream, chocolate shake, twix, butterfinger....all the things that used to make it so much less hurtful that I was a worthless loser. So far I ate the ice cream sandwich and I already feel like puking. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to bed, wake up, and throw all of that stuff out.
    I suppose the lesson here is that 3 years ago, I would have eaten every bit of that while crying myself to sleep, and yet 3 years ago I would never have even been in law school because I wouldn't have thought the fat girl had any business being anywhere other than on a treadmill. Now, I want to barf up my ice cream sandwich because apparently milk, chocolate, and Cookies are still on the list of things that make me sick, and even while buying all that crap, there wasn't the same old, feeling, like I was bringing my chocolate-food-friends home for dinner. The more I write, the more I have no desire to go eat anything else. Also, much as I tend to take the side of people who fall off the wagon, because I have my fair share of Starbucks mini scones and sometimes a few bites of sweets (and I thumb my nose at a lot of the rules), around Christmas is really the only time I eat sugary baked stuff because it makes me gain weight quickly, and makes me insanely sick. The last two Christmases I've had almost none of the sweets I'm allowed, and I haven't really missed them. Maybe that's a good indicator for anyone who is considering surgery...you really do stop using food as a crutch, as a friend, as an old reliable companion, even if sometimes you go spend $25 at a gas station in the middle of the night on all kinds of crap that you're probably not going to eat.
    So, since I need to retain my calm, cool, reserved, never worried about anything reputation with my friends, you all get subjected to the hot mess I am right now.
    I think I'm going to go drink Scotch. Or Tequila. Or both.
    For the record though, this is why I try not to judge the bad decisions of others...I make all too many supremely crap choices myself.
  14. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from vcalvillo90 in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    I just bought all of this, in one trip, at a gas station, and I planned to eat every bit of it.

    So, I did everything right. I've worked 60-80-120 plus hour work weeks for over a decade, and before that, slightly less, as I was still a child. I have two successful businesses, multiple degrees, and this fall I got a full scholarship to law school. Ever since I was a kid, all I wanted to do was go to law school, but since I've been entirely on my own since I was 18, clearly that was never happening. I spent almost all of my 20's working super hard and yo-yo dieting, until I was so fat I had to have 80% of my stomach cut out. I then spent 18 months getting to goal weight, spent a year going through plastics surgery, and then finally, I felt like maybe I could really go after a dream for once. Since all I did was work, I didn't get to have a husband or kids, but hey no big deal, I was smart, I could do other things. So, I applied to law school, did decent on my LSATs, and got a full scholarship. I was so happy.
    Then I got to spend the last 4 months getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night, because oh right, one does not get to work 80 hour weeks, when 40 of the hours that used to be available for work are now forced to be spent in a law school building because your classes are scheduled just far apart that you can't go home and you get to sit in the library and work. Also, thanks to traffic, and my fantastic forced 1L schedule I get to sit in traffic an hour to 90 minutes a day both ways. But hey, when you've got dreams, you can handle going to bed at 3am and getting up at 5:30am, you can sit in classes and try to learn what everyone else gets to spend literally their entire day learning, and then you can go home, work your ass off for 12 hours so that you can still pay your mortgage, because right, you're not a child, and you don't have a spouse, so the only person paying your bills is you. The only person you ever get to count on is you. And so, while everyone in law school full time has literally the only job of learning this crap, and no one even has a part time job, which,...not joking, there is an American Bar Association rule that you can't work more than 20 hours a week, and if they find out they start deducting your grades until you're at part-time, starting of course with your highest grade. Class elitism much? We wonder why there is such a huge class separation in our country and then we see the fact that law school, all law schools in the country ban their students from working. HOW IS THAT LEGAL?! So, back to the "all about me" story. I'm also working on an MBA, which isn't terribly difficult since I have other graduate degrees, but when your law school will actually kick you out if you work more than 20 hours a week, you can't say..."oh I'm sorry, I had to work more hours than most of you idiots are even awake this week" when you don't do great.
    But I didn't do badly...I got A's and B's on all my midterms, without studying, because I'm supposed to be smart right? I booked the property midterm, and I thought I was golden. Well, 2 of my final 5 grades just posted and I got a f****ing F in my contracts class. AN F. Never in my entire life have I gotten an F. I've been first in almost every class I've been in for almost a decade. I thought I knew contracts...clearly I did so freaking horribly that I got an F. The fact that a girl with accomodations, who gets 4.5 hours to take a 3 hour test got an A, oh well hey cool, the law allows her to cheat. Several others have the same accomodations, which when law schools have mandatory curves, their high grades, knock down my grades. I resent the hell out of that, it is absolute bullshit, and the more I think about it, the madder I get. I have the exact same diagnosis that she has, but I decided that I was going to pass law school without cheating...clearly that worked out well for me. I got an F, in a 1L doctrinal class, which not only tanks my GPA for the entirety of law school, but now I need to re-take the class, which is the absolute best case scenario, or if my other grades suck, then I fail out of law school, not to mention the fact that my school is $45K a year and if I don't have a 2.0 GPA it's revoked. My other grade was an A-, which doesn't even balance out my F. I have 3 more grades to post, and if I don't have at least a B or C in all of them, I just failed out of law school. I will be the absolute laughingstock of the world. I have had more career success than almost everyone I know, and yet, I possibly just flunked out of law school because I can either pay my bills and suck at school, or I can be homeless and have the time everyone else does to do well. I don't get to rely on anyone else...it is ALWAYS on me and for the first time in a very long time, I have possibly failed at life and because I am feeling narcisistic at the moment, I am absolutely convinced that everyone is going to be highly amused that I failed. Oh, how far it is too fall. Man, I'm whiny.
    So...I will leave out the pharmaceuticals I first enjoyed, but I then walked to the gas station and bought $25 worth of stuff that will make me feel better. Peanut Butter cups, ice cream, chocolate shake, twix, butterfinger....all the things that used to make it so much less hurtful that I was a worthless loser. So far I ate the ice cream sandwich and I already feel like puking. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to bed, wake up, and throw all of that stuff out.
    I suppose the lesson here is that 3 years ago, I would have eaten every bit of that while crying myself to sleep, and yet 3 years ago I would never have even been in law school because I wouldn't have thought the fat girl had any business being anywhere other than on a treadmill. Now, I want to barf up my ice cream sandwich because apparently milk, chocolate, and Cookies are still on the list of things that make me sick, and even while buying all that crap, there wasn't the same old, feeling, like I was bringing my chocolate-food-friends home for dinner. The more I write, the more I have no desire to go eat anything else. Also, much as I tend to take the side of people who fall off the wagon, because I have my fair share of Starbucks mini scones and sometimes a few bites of sweets (and I thumb my nose at a lot of the rules), around Christmas is really the only time I eat sugary baked stuff because it makes me gain weight quickly, and makes me insanely sick. The last two Christmases I've had almost none of the sweets I'm allowed, and I haven't really missed them. Maybe that's a good indicator for anyone who is considering surgery...you really do stop using food as a crutch, as a friend, as an old reliable companion, even if sometimes you go spend $25 at a gas station in the middle of the night on all kinds of crap that you're probably not going to eat.
    So, since I need to retain my calm, cool, reserved, never worried about anything reputation with my friends, you all get subjected to the hot mess I am right now.
    I think I'm going to go drink Scotch. Or Tequila. Or both.
    For the record though, this is why I try not to judge the bad decisions of others...I make all too many supremely crap choices myself.
  15. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from vcalvillo90 in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    I just bought all of this, in one trip, at a gas station, and I planned to eat every bit of it.

    So, I did everything right. I've worked 60-80-120 plus hour work weeks for over a decade, and before that, slightly less, as I was still a child. I have two successful businesses, multiple degrees, and this fall I got a full scholarship to law school. Ever since I was a kid, all I wanted to do was go to law school, but since I've been entirely on my own since I was 18, clearly that was never happening. I spent almost all of my 20's working super hard and yo-yo dieting, until I was so fat I had to have 80% of my stomach cut out. I then spent 18 months getting to goal weight, spent a year going through plastics surgery, and then finally, I felt like maybe I could really go after a dream for once. Since all I did was work, I didn't get to have a husband or kids, but hey no big deal, I was smart, I could do other things. So, I applied to law school, did decent on my LSATs, and got a full scholarship. I was so happy.
    Then I got to spend the last 4 months getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night, because oh right, one does not get to work 80 hour weeks, when 40 of the hours that used to be available for work are now forced to be spent in a law school building because your classes are scheduled just far apart that you can't go home and you get to sit in the library and work. Also, thanks to traffic, and my fantastic forced 1L schedule I get to sit in traffic an hour to 90 minutes a day both ways. But hey, when you've got dreams, you can handle going to bed at 3am and getting up at 5:30am, you can sit in classes and try to learn what everyone else gets to spend literally their entire day learning, and then you can go home, work your ass off for 12 hours so that you can still pay your mortgage, because right, you're not a child, and you don't have a spouse, so the only person paying your bills is you. The only person you ever get to count on is you. And so, while everyone in law school full time has literally the only job of learning this crap, and no one even has a part time job, which,...not joking, there is an American Bar Association rule that you can't work more than 20 hours a week, and if they find out they start deducting your grades until you're at part-time, starting of course with your highest grade. Class elitism much? We wonder why there is such a huge class separation in our country and then we see the fact that law school, all law schools in the country ban their students from working. HOW IS THAT LEGAL?! So, back to the "all about me" story. I'm also working on an MBA, which isn't terribly difficult since I have other graduate degrees, but when your law school will actually kick you out if you work more than 20 hours a week, you can't say..."oh I'm sorry, I had to work more hours than most of you idiots are even awake this week" when you don't do great.
    But I didn't do badly...I got A's and B's on all my midterms, without studying, because I'm supposed to be smart right? I booked the property midterm, and I thought I was golden. Well, 2 of my final 5 grades just posted and I got a f****ing F in my contracts class. AN F. Never in my entire life have I gotten an F. I've been first in almost every class I've been in for almost a decade. I thought I knew contracts...clearly I did so freaking horribly that I got an F. The fact that a girl with accomodations, who gets 4.5 hours to take a 3 hour test got an A, oh well hey cool, the law allows her to cheat. Several others have the same accomodations, which when law schools have mandatory curves, their high grades, knock down my grades. I resent the hell out of that, it is absolute bullshit, and the more I think about it, the madder I get. I have the exact same diagnosis that she has, but I decided that I was going to pass law school without cheating...clearly that worked out well for me. I got an F, in a 1L doctrinal class, which not only tanks my GPA for the entirety of law school, but now I need to re-take the class, which is the absolute best case scenario, or if my other grades suck, then I fail out of law school, not to mention the fact that my school is $45K a year and if I don't have a 2.0 GPA it's revoked. My other grade was an A-, which doesn't even balance out my F. I have 3 more grades to post, and if I don't have at least a B or C in all of them, I just failed out of law school. I will be the absolute laughingstock of the world. I have had more career success than almost everyone I know, and yet, I possibly just flunked out of law school because I can either pay my bills and suck at school, or I can be homeless and have the time everyone else does to do well. I don't get to rely on anyone else...it is ALWAYS on me and for the first time in a very long time, I have possibly failed at life and because I am feeling narcisistic at the moment, I am absolutely convinced that everyone is going to be highly amused that I failed. Oh, how far it is too fall. Man, I'm whiny.
    So...I will leave out the pharmaceuticals I first enjoyed, but I then walked to the gas station and bought $25 worth of stuff that will make me feel better. Peanut Butter cups, ice cream, chocolate shake, twix, butterfinger....all the things that used to make it so much less hurtful that I was a worthless loser. So far I ate the ice cream sandwich and I already feel like puking. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to bed, wake up, and throw all of that stuff out.
    I suppose the lesson here is that 3 years ago, I would have eaten every bit of that while crying myself to sleep, and yet 3 years ago I would never have even been in law school because I wouldn't have thought the fat girl had any business being anywhere other than on a treadmill. Now, I want to barf up my ice cream sandwich because apparently milk, chocolate, and Cookies are still on the list of things that make me sick, and even while buying all that crap, there wasn't the same old, feeling, like I was bringing my chocolate-food-friends home for dinner. The more I write, the more I have no desire to go eat anything else. Also, much as I tend to take the side of people who fall off the wagon, because I have my fair share of Starbucks mini scones and sometimes a few bites of sweets (and I thumb my nose at a lot of the rules), around Christmas is really the only time I eat sugary baked stuff because it makes me gain weight quickly, and makes me insanely sick. The last two Christmases I've had almost none of the sweets I'm allowed, and I haven't really missed them. Maybe that's a good indicator for anyone who is considering surgery...you really do stop using food as a crutch, as a friend, as an old reliable companion, even if sometimes you go spend $25 at a gas station in the middle of the night on all kinds of crap that you're probably not going to eat.
    So, since I need to retain my calm, cool, reserved, never worried about anything reputation with my friends, you all get subjected to the hot mess I am right now.
    I think I'm going to go drink Scotch. Or Tequila. Or both.
    For the record though, this is why I try not to judge the bad decisions of others...I make all too many supremely crap choices myself.
  16. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from vcalvillo90 in 39 Months Post-Op...First Big, Fat, Nosedive off the Wagon, Binge...also Possible just Flunked out of Law School   
    I just bought all of this, in one trip, at a gas station, and I planned to eat every bit of it.

    So, I did everything right. I've worked 60-80-120 plus hour work weeks for over a decade, and before that, slightly less, as I was still a child. I have two successful businesses, multiple degrees, and this fall I got a full scholarship to law school. Ever since I was a kid, all I wanted to do was go to law school, but since I've been entirely on my own since I was 18, clearly that was never happening. I spent almost all of my 20's working super hard and yo-yo dieting, until I was so fat I had to have 80% of my stomach cut out. I then spent 18 months getting to goal weight, spent a year going through plastics surgery, and then finally, I felt like maybe I could really go after a dream for once. Since all I did was work, I didn't get to have a husband or kids, but hey no big deal, I was smart, I could do other things. So, I applied to law school, did decent on my LSATs, and got a full scholarship. I was so happy.
    Then I got to spend the last 4 months getting 2-3 hours of sleep a night, because oh right, one does not get to work 80 hour weeks, when 40 of the hours that used to be available for work are now forced to be spent in a law school building because your classes are scheduled just far apart that you can't go home and you get to sit in the library and work. Also, thanks to traffic, and my fantastic forced 1L schedule I get to sit in traffic an hour to 90 minutes a day both ways. But hey, when you've got dreams, you can handle going to bed at 3am and getting up at 5:30am, you can sit in classes and try to learn what everyone else gets to spend literally their entire day learning, and then you can go home, work your ass off for 12 hours so that you can still pay your mortgage, because right, you're not a child, and you don't have a spouse, so the only person paying your bills is you. The only person you ever get to count on is you. And so, while everyone in law school full time has literally the only job of learning this crap, and no one even has a part time job, which,...not joking, there is an American Bar Association rule that you can't work more than 20 hours a week, and if they find out they start deducting your grades until you're at part-time, starting of course with your highest grade. Class elitism much? We wonder why there is such a huge class separation in our country and then we see the fact that law school, all law schools in the country ban their students from working. HOW IS THAT LEGAL?! So, back to the "all about me" story. I'm also working on an MBA, which isn't terribly difficult since I have other graduate degrees, but when your law school will actually kick you out if you work more than 20 hours a week, you can't say..."oh I'm sorry, I had to work more hours than most of you idiots are even awake this week" when you don't do great.
    But I didn't do badly...I got A's and B's on all my midterms, without studying, because I'm supposed to be smart right? I booked the property midterm, and I thought I was golden. Well, 2 of my final 5 grades just posted and I got a f****ing F in my contracts class. AN F. Never in my entire life have I gotten an F. I've been first in almost every class I've been in for almost a decade. I thought I knew contracts...clearly I did so freaking horribly that I got an F. The fact that a girl with accomodations, who gets 4.5 hours to take a 3 hour test got an A, oh well hey cool, the law allows her to cheat. Several others have the same accomodations, which when law schools have mandatory curves, their high grades, knock down my grades. I resent the hell out of that, it is absolute bullshit, and the more I think about it, the madder I get. I have the exact same diagnosis that she has, but I decided that I was going to pass law school without cheating...clearly that worked out well for me. I got an F, in a 1L doctrinal class, which not only tanks my GPA for the entirety of law school, but now I need to re-take the class, which is the absolute best case scenario, or if my other grades suck, then I fail out of law school, not to mention the fact that my school is $45K a year and if I don't have a 2.0 GPA it's revoked. My other grade was an A-, which doesn't even balance out my F. I have 3 more grades to post, and if I don't have at least a B or C in all of them, I just failed out of law school. I will be the absolute laughingstock of the world. I have had more career success than almost everyone I know, and yet, I possibly just flunked out of law school because I can either pay my bills and suck at school, or I can be homeless and have the time everyone else does to do well. I don't get to rely on anyone else...it is ALWAYS on me and for the first time in a very long time, I have possibly failed at life and because I am feeling narcisistic at the moment, I am absolutely convinced that everyone is going to be highly amused that I failed. Oh, how far it is too fall. Man, I'm whiny.
    So...I will leave out the pharmaceuticals I first enjoyed, but I then walked to the gas station and bought $25 worth of stuff that will make me feel better. Peanut Butter cups, ice cream, chocolate shake, twix, butterfinger....all the things that used to make it so much less hurtful that I was a worthless loser. So far I ate the ice cream sandwich and I already feel like puking. I'm pretty sure I'm going to go to bed, wake up, and throw all of that stuff out.
    I suppose the lesson here is that 3 years ago, I would have eaten every bit of that while crying myself to sleep, and yet 3 years ago I would never have even been in law school because I wouldn't have thought the fat girl had any business being anywhere other than on a treadmill. Now, I want to barf up my ice cream sandwich because apparently milk, chocolate, and Cookies are still on the list of things that make me sick, and even while buying all that crap, there wasn't the same old, feeling, like I was bringing my chocolate-food-friends home for dinner. The more I write, the more I have no desire to go eat anything else. Also, much as I tend to take the side of people who fall off the wagon, because I have my fair share of Starbucks mini scones and sometimes a few bites of sweets (and I thumb my nose at a lot of the rules), around Christmas is really the only time I eat sugary baked stuff because it makes me gain weight quickly, and makes me insanely sick. The last two Christmases I've had almost none of the sweets I'm allowed, and I haven't really missed them. Maybe that's a good indicator for anyone who is considering surgery...you really do stop using food as a crutch, as a friend, as an old reliable companion, even if sometimes you go spend $25 at a gas station in the middle of the night on all kinds of crap that you're probably not going to eat.
    So, since I need to retain my calm, cool, reserved, never worried about anything reputation with my friends, you all get subjected to the hot mess I am right now.
    I think I'm going to go drink Scotch. Or Tequila. Or both.
    For the record though, this is why I try not to judge the bad decisions of others...I make all too many supremely crap choices myself.
  17. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Montana Gal in What will you have for Christmas dinner?   
    My surgery was 38 months ago. I will have about 3-4 pieces of ham (as in 3-4 bites that I cut into pieces so maybe like a half a piece of normal-person ham), 3-4 bites of turkey, which is pushing it a bit on dense Protein but dinner takes forever so plenty of time to eat slowly, and then a bite or two of whatever else looks good, which is usually beets, maybe one of those baby onions (pearl onions?) covered in that cream stuff (which is kind of making me gag right this second but I'm usually good for one on holidays), a few bites of stuffing, which helps to make the turkey a little moister and less likely to be barfed, and I'll probably put a bit of gravy on the turkey and stuffing and a little orange sauce on the ham, mostly because it makes them moist and easier to not get sick.
    For dessert I will have a cookie or two.
    I will then sit there while my mom and my aunt make disapproving looks, lol. If I plan it correctly, I can eat slowly enough and let the creamy-oily-sugary things get cold enough that they don't make me barf.
    So it sounds like my Christmas is horrible, but I will be wearing a size 0 dress (I bought it already, haha) and I will be more than content to have enjoyed that amount of food with no real desire to have anything else. It sounds weird, even to me this far out, but I don't have any real interest in eating any more than that. My birthday was this week and I debated having a cupcake or a cookie to Celebrate...in the end, I had neither. Not only wouldn't it really have been very good and it probably would have made me feel awful, but the effort to drive 5 minutes and go get myself a cupcake or something sugary to Celebrate, compared to just eating a granola bar at home, wasn't worth it. It may not seem like it, but having no real urge to celebrate your birthday with food is kind of an awesome thing.
  18. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from OutsideMatchInside in What did you replace food with?   
    I replaced food with shopping. Somehow in the last 18 months or so, I've managed to buy myself an entirely new wardrobe. When I used to sit at home and eat, now I find that I go shopping. Although it does tend to serve as a stress reliever, it is also a nice reinforcement for me in that fitting into clothing in the size I wear makes all of the difficulty of the process that got me to that point worthwhile. While I imagine there were more budget-friendly ways to replace food, I suppose we all spend money on something, and for me that is what I have found to be the result.
  19. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Christina.Rose in Pet peeve: extra skin.   
    I'll be honest, I'm a shallow a**hole, and I'm cool with it. My weight fluctuated a lot...I would be thin at around 140 for a few years, then fat at around 180-200, then back to thin, then back to fat, then back to thin, until the last time I somehow ended up at 237 and nothing I was doing was getting me thin again. I hated myself. I was so ashamed of what I looked like and I was miserable. I had the sleeve because I wanted to like myself again and I didn't want to feel as if I had no control over my weight. Also, I like being hot.
    I'm now at 39 months post-op and I've been at goal for about 20 months, and within 3 pounds of goal for about 25 months. I had three major plastics procedures where I had pretty much all of me "fixed", but I actually did not really even think about the loose skin until I was within about 25 pounds of goal. Because I had lost weight before, I guess I just never really thought about being saggy, or more likely, I had not quite weighed that much before and I had gotten older, so my skin didn't bounce back like it had before. I only actually thought about it when I happened to wonder what fake boobs would look like. I scheduled a consult, with a surgeon who I think is totally awesome, and then a few days later I called and made another consult for a Tummy Tuck. Before I had that surgery with those two procedures I had no idea how confident I could feel in my own skin, since apparently I was pretty saggy most of my life and I just didn't realize it. I then had the rest of the 360 lift, a thigh lift, and a brachioplasty, and while yes, plastic surgery is a bit of a B, I would do it all over again in a second.
    I would do so, not because other people now really have no idea I was ever fat, but because I can look in the mirror and not feel shame. I can wear tight clothing that I never could have worn before, I can run my hand across my stomach and feel tight, hard abs, which never, ever had I been able to do, and I can wear all of the backless shirts I never had the chance to before because the girls couldn't handle going without support. I am superficial and shallow, and I derive great joy from the fact that I wear a size 2 or 4 and I can look somewhat decent in almost anything. Plastic surgery though, while seems like it is all about shallow goals, for me was about feeling comfortable in my own skin. When someone is a jerk, I get dumped, or I have a really bad day, my first thought is never...well you're fat, so of course you're worthless...which is the way it always was before. Having my extra skin removed gave me confidence I never realized I was missing before and it has done wonderful things for my mental health.
    Also, there is the very valid point made by Babbs that research indicates that people who do have plastics after major weight loss are more likely to keep the weight off. For me, I can look in the mirror and I see an attractive woman, not a deflated fat girl, and this may be shallow and stupid and I know that...but I have the right to do what makes me happy and a small luxury car in plastic surgery accomplished that. I imagine part of the reason that people who had plastics kept the weight off is because they aren't looking, everyday, at a reflection of the person they used to be. Also, for me, the removal of my extra skin made me WAY better at working out because nothing is flopping around anymore- I actually bested my 3 mile time a few months after my last procedure by almost 5 minutes, and I can definitively say that I noticed a HUGE difference in the way I felt working out when I didn't have any extra flubbiness getting in my way.
    I will forever be grateful that I was in a place where I could have those procedures done and that I had such an awesome surgeon, because our goal may be to be physically healthy, but why can't the goal also be to be entirely happy in our own skin? Why shouldn't the former fat girl be allowed to feel...sexy...for the first time in her life? I don't think that wanting to be healthy means that you aren't also allowed to want to be beautiful, on your own terms, in your own way, and through whatever means you are able to accomplish that.
    I am ok being shallow, because I am happy AND healthy, and I don't feel any great need to justify to myself or anyone else the road I took to get to the place I am now. So I'm as plastic as Barbie...good for damn me...and good for everyone else who does what they need to do, to be where they want to be. In the end, everyone's path is their own and how they get to where they want to be is hardly something I have any right to have an opinion about.
  20. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Christina.Rose in Pet peeve: extra skin.   
    I'll be honest, I'm a shallow a**hole, and I'm cool with it. My weight fluctuated a lot...I would be thin at around 140 for a few years, then fat at around 180-200, then back to thin, then back to fat, then back to thin, until the last time I somehow ended up at 237 and nothing I was doing was getting me thin again. I hated myself. I was so ashamed of what I looked like and I was miserable. I had the sleeve because I wanted to like myself again and I didn't want to feel as if I had no control over my weight. Also, I like being hot.
    I'm now at 39 months post-op and I've been at goal for about 20 months, and within 3 pounds of goal for about 25 months. I had three major plastics procedures where I had pretty much all of me "fixed", but I actually did not really even think about the loose skin until I was within about 25 pounds of goal. Because I had lost weight before, I guess I just never really thought about being saggy, or more likely, I had not quite weighed that much before and I had gotten older, so my skin didn't bounce back like it had before. I only actually thought about it when I happened to wonder what fake boobs would look like. I scheduled a consult, with a surgeon who I think is totally awesome, and then a few days later I called and made another consult for a Tummy Tuck. Before I had that surgery with those two procedures I had no idea how confident I could feel in my own skin, since apparently I was pretty saggy most of my life and I just didn't realize it. I then had the rest of the 360 lift, a thigh lift, and a brachioplasty, and while yes, plastic surgery is a bit of a B, I would do it all over again in a second.
    I would do so, not because other people now really have no idea I was ever fat, but because I can look in the mirror and not feel shame. I can wear tight clothing that I never could have worn before, I can run my hand across my stomach and feel tight, hard abs, which never, ever had I been able to do, and I can wear all of the backless shirts I never had the chance to before because the girls couldn't handle going without support. I am superficial and shallow, and I derive great joy from the fact that I wear a size 2 or 4 and I can look somewhat decent in almost anything. Plastic surgery though, while seems like it is all about shallow goals, for me was about feeling comfortable in my own skin. When someone is a jerk, I get dumped, or I have a really bad day, my first thought is never...well you're fat, so of course you're worthless...which is the way it always was before. Having my extra skin removed gave me confidence I never realized I was missing before and it has done wonderful things for my mental health.
    Also, there is the very valid point made by Babbs that research indicates that people who do have plastics after major weight loss are more likely to keep the weight off. For me, I can look in the mirror and I see an attractive woman, not a deflated fat girl, and this may be shallow and stupid and I know that...but I have the right to do what makes me happy and a small luxury car in plastic surgery accomplished that. I imagine part of the reason that people who had plastics kept the weight off is because they aren't looking, everyday, at a reflection of the person they used to be. Also, for me, the removal of my extra skin made me WAY better at working out because nothing is flopping around anymore- I actually bested my 3 mile time a few months after my last procedure by almost 5 minutes, and I can definitively say that I noticed a HUGE difference in the way I felt working out when I didn't have any extra flubbiness getting in my way.
    I will forever be grateful that I was in a place where I could have those procedures done and that I had such an awesome surgeon, because our goal may be to be physically healthy, but why can't the goal also be to be entirely happy in our own skin? Why shouldn't the former fat girl be allowed to feel...sexy...for the first time in her life? I don't think that wanting to be healthy means that you aren't also allowed to want to be beautiful, on your own terms, in your own way, and through whatever means you are able to accomplish that.
    I am ok being shallow, because I am happy AND healthy, and I don't feel any great need to justify to myself or anyone else the road I took to get to the place I am now. So I'm as plastic as Barbie...good for damn me...and good for everyone else who does what they need to do, to be where they want to be. In the end, everyone's path is their own and how they get to where they want to be is hardly something I have any right to have an opinion about.
  21. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Christina.Rose in Pet peeve: extra skin.   
    I'll be honest, I'm a shallow a**hole, and I'm cool with it. My weight fluctuated a lot...I would be thin at around 140 for a few years, then fat at around 180-200, then back to thin, then back to fat, then back to thin, until the last time I somehow ended up at 237 and nothing I was doing was getting me thin again. I hated myself. I was so ashamed of what I looked like and I was miserable. I had the sleeve because I wanted to like myself again and I didn't want to feel as if I had no control over my weight. Also, I like being hot.
    I'm now at 39 months post-op and I've been at goal for about 20 months, and within 3 pounds of goal for about 25 months. I had three major plastics procedures where I had pretty much all of me "fixed", but I actually did not really even think about the loose skin until I was within about 25 pounds of goal. Because I had lost weight before, I guess I just never really thought about being saggy, or more likely, I had not quite weighed that much before and I had gotten older, so my skin didn't bounce back like it had before. I only actually thought about it when I happened to wonder what fake boobs would look like. I scheduled a consult, with a surgeon who I think is totally awesome, and then a few days later I called and made another consult for a Tummy Tuck. Before I had that surgery with those two procedures I had no idea how confident I could feel in my own skin, since apparently I was pretty saggy most of my life and I just didn't realize it. I then had the rest of the 360 lift, a thigh lift, and a brachioplasty, and while yes, plastic surgery is a bit of a B, I would do it all over again in a second.
    I would do so, not because other people now really have no idea I was ever fat, but because I can look in the mirror and not feel shame. I can wear tight clothing that I never could have worn before, I can run my hand across my stomach and feel tight, hard abs, which never, ever had I been able to do, and I can wear all of the backless shirts I never had the chance to before because the girls couldn't handle going without support. I am superficial and shallow, and I derive great joy from the fact that I wear a size 2 or 4 and I can look somewhat decent in almost anything. Plastic surgery though, while seems like it is all about shallow goals, for me was about feeling comfortable in my own skin. When someone is a jerk, I get dumped, or I have a really bad day, my first thought is never...well you're fat, so of course you're worthless...which is the way it always was before. Having my extra skin removed gave me confidence I never realized I was missing before and it has done wonderful things for my mental health.
    Also, there is the very valid point made by Babbs that research indicates that people who do have plastics after major weight loss are more likely to keep the weight off. For me, I can look in the mirror and I see an attractive woman, not a deflated fat girl, and this may be shallow and stupid and I know that...but I have the right to do what makes me happy and a small luxury car in plastic surgery accomplished that. I imagine part of the reason that people who had plastics kept the weight off is because they aren't looking, everyday, at a reflection of the person they used to be. Also, for me, the removal of my extra skin made me WAY better at working out because nothing is flopping around anymore- I actually bested my 3 mile time a few months after my last procedure by almost 5 minutes, and I can definitively say that I noticed a HUGE difference in the way I felt working out when I didn't have any extra flubbiness getting in my way.
    I will forever be grateful that I was in a place where I could have those procedures done and that I had such an awesome surgeon, because our goal may be to be physically healthy, but why can't the goal also be to be entirely happy in our own skin? Why shouldn't the former fat girl be allowed to feel...sexy...for the first time in her life? I don't think that wanting to be healthy means that you aren't also allowed to want to be beautiful, on your own terms, in your own way, and through whatever means you are able to accomplish that.
    I am ok being shallow, because I am happy AND healthy, and I don't feel any great need to justify to myself or anyone else the road I took to get to the place I am now. So I'm as plastic as Barbie...good for damn me...and good for everyone else who does what they need to do, to be where they want to be. In the end, everyone's path is their own and how they get to where they want to be is hardly something I have any right to have an opinion about.
  22. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Christina.Rose in Pet peeve: extra skin.   
    I'll be honest, I'm a shallow a**hole, and I'm cool with it. My weight fluctuated a lot...I would be thin at around 140 for a few years, then fat at around 180-200, then back to thin, then back to fat, then back to thin, until the last time I somehow ended up at 237 and nothing I was doing was getting me thin again. I hated myself. I was so ashamed of what I looked like and I was miserable. I had the sleeve because I wanted to like myself again and I didn't want to feel as if I had no control over my weight. Also, I like being hot.
    I'm now at 39 months post-op and I've been at goal for about 20 months, and within 3 pounds of goal for about 25 months. I had three major plastics procedures where I had pretty much all of me "fixed", but I actually did not really even think about the loose skin until I was within about 25 pounds of goal. Because I had lost weight before, I guess I just never really thought about being saggy, or more likely, I had not quite weighed that much before and I had gotten older, so my skin didn't bounce back like it had before. I only actually thought about it when I happened to wonder what fake boobs would look like. I scheduled a consult, with a surgeon who I think is totally awesome, and then a few days later I called and made another consult for a Tummy Tuck. Before I had that surgery with those two procedures I had no idea how confident I could feel in my own skin, since apparently I was pretty saggy most of my life and I just didn't realize it. I then had the rest of the 360 lift, a thigh lift, and a brachioplasty, and while yes, plastic surgery is a bit of a B, I would do it all over again in a second.
    I would do so, not because other people now really have no idea I was ever fat, but because I can look in the mirror and not feel shame. I can wear tight clothing that I never could have worn before, I can run my hand across my stomach and feel tight, hard abs, which never, ever had I been able to do, and I can wear all of the backless shirts I never had the chance to before because the girls couldn't handle going without support. I am superficial and shallow, and I derive great joy from the fact that I wear a size 2 or 4 and I can look somewhat decent in almost anything. Plastic surgery though, while seems like it is all about shallow goals, for me was about feeling comfortable in my own skin. When someone is a jerk, I get dumped, or I have a really bad day, my first thought is never...well you're fat, so of course you're worthless...which is the way it always was before. Having my extra skin removed gave me confidence I never realized I was missing before and it has done wonderful things for my mental health.
    Also, there is the very valid point made by Babbs that research indicates that people who do have plastics after major weight loss are more likely to keep the weight off. For me, I can look in the mirror and I see an attractive woman, not a deflated fat girl, and this may be shallow and stupid and I know that...but I have the right to do what makes me happy and a small luxury car in plastic surgery accomplished that. I imagine part of the reason that people who had plastics kept the weight off is because they aren't looking, everyday, at a reflection of the person they used to be. Also, for me, the removal of my extra skin made me WAY better at working out because nothing is flopping around anymore- I actually bested my 3 mile time a few months after my last procedure by almost 5 minutes, and I can definitively say that I noticed a HUGE difference in the way I felt working out when I didn't have any extra flubbiness getting in my way.
    I will forever be grateful that I was in a place where I could have those procedures done and that I had such an awesome surgeon, because our goal may be to be physically healthy, but why can't the goal also be to be entirely happy in our own skin? Why shouldn't the former fat girl be allowed to feel...sexy...for the first time in her life? I don't think that wanting to be healthy means that you aren't also allowed to want to be beautiful, on your own terms, in your own way, and through whatever means you are able to accomplish that.
    I am ok being shallow, because I am happy AND healthy, and I don't feel any great need to justify to myself or anyone else the road I took to get to the place I am now. So I'm as plastic as Barbie...good for damn me...and good for everyone else who does what they need to do, to be where they want to be. In the end, everyone's path is their own and how they get to where they want to be is hardly something I have any right to have an opinion about.
  23. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Christina.Rose in Pet peeve: extra skin.   
    I'll be honest, I'm a shallow a**hole, and I'm cool with it. My weight fluctuated a lot...I would be thin at around 140 for a few years, then fat at around 180-200, then back to thin, then back to fat, then back to thin, until the last time I somehow ended up at 237 and nothing I was doing was getting me thin again. I hated myself. I was so ashamed of what I looked like and I was miserable. I had the sleeve because I wanted to like myself again and I didn't want to feel as if I had no control over my weight. Also, I like being hot.
    I'm now at 39 months post-op and I've been at goal for about 20 months, and within 3 pounds of goal for about 25 months. I had three major plastics procedures where I had pretty much all of me "fixed", but I actually did not really even think about the loose skin until I was within about 25 pounds of goal. Because I had lost weight before, I guess I just never really thought about being saggy, or more likely, I had not quite weighed that much before and I had gotten older, so my skin didn't bounce back like it had before. I only actually thought about it when I happened to wonder what fake boobs would look like. I scheduled a consult, with a surgeon who I think is totally awesome, and then a few days later I called and made another consult for a Tummy Tuck. Before I had that surgery with those two procedures I had no idea how confident I could feel in my own skin, since apparently I was pretty saggy most of my life and I just didn't realize it. I then had the rest of the 360 lift, a thigh lift, and a brachioplasty, and while yes, plastic surgery is a bit of a B, I would do it all over again in a second.
    I would do so, not because other people now really have no idea I was ever fat, but because I can look in the mirror and not feel shame. I can wear tight clothing that I never could have worn before, I can run my hand across my stomach and feel tight, hard abs, which never, ever had I been able to do, and I can wear all of the backless shirts I never had the chance to before because the girls couldn't handle going without support. I am superficial and shallow, and I derive great joy from the fact that I wear a size 2 or 4 and I can look somewhat decent in almost anything. Plastic surgery though, while seems like it is all about shallow goals, for me was about feeling comfortable in my own skin. When someone is a jerk, I get dumped, or I have a really bad day, my first thought is never...well you're fat, so of course you're worthless...which is the way it always was before. Having my extra skin removed gave me confidence I never realized I was missing before and it has done wonderful things for my mental health.
    Also, there is the very valid point made by Babbs that research indicates that people who do have plastics after major weight loss are more likely to keep the weight off. For me, I can look in the mirror and I see an attractive woman, not a deflated fat girl, and this may be shallow and stupid and I know that...but I have the right to do what makes me happy and a small luxury car in plastic surgery accomplished that. I imagine part of the reason that people who had plastics kept the weight off is because they aren't looking, everyday, at a reflection of the person they used to be. Also, for me, the removal of my extra skin made me WAY better at working out because nothing is flopping around anymore- I actually bested my 3 mile time a few months after my last procedure by almost 5 minutes, and I can definitively say that I noticed a HUGE difference in the way I felt working out when I didn't have any extra flubbiness getting in my way.
    I will forever be grateful that I was in a place where I could have those procedures done and that I had such an awesome surgeon, because our goal may be to be physically healthy, but why can't the goal also be to be entirely happy in our own skin? Why shouldn't the former fat girl be allowed to feel...sexy...for the first time in her life? I don't think that wanting to be healthy means that you aren't also allowed to want to be beautiful, on your own terms, in your own way, and through whatever means you are able to accomplish that.
    I am ok being shallow, because I am happy AND healthy, and I don't feel any great need to justify to myself or anyone else the road I took to get to the place I am now. So I'm as plastic as Barbie...good for damn me...and good for everyone else who does what they need to do, to be where they want to be. In the end, everyone's path is their own and how they get to where they want to be is hardly something I have any right to have an opinion about.
  24. Like
    AvaFern reacted to Babbs in Pet peeve: extra skin.   
    I agree with a lot of your sentiment, but let me make one thing perfectly clear.
    Most people who have skin surgery after WLS are NOT doing it out of vanity, but out of necessity due to infections and the skin just being a hindrance in functioning normally. So to say it's 'vain' to have surgery to remove skin after WLS is insulting and frankly quite ignorant.
    And even if it's done out of vanity, so what? People feel amazing after large losses, and they want to feel even more amazing and have things tightened up and removed. That's their prerogative. And did you know that statistically people are more likely to keep the weight off after having plastic surgery?
  25. Like
    AvaFern got a reaction from Ag3ntCoop in Veterans   
    I'm 3 years and two months post-op. I'm very happy with my decision. I still have decent restriction, although part of the reason I am able to stay at goal is because my stomach doesn't have much of a tolerance for cheese, dairy, oil, butter, sugar, or most junk food, which is helpful. I must weigh everyday because if I don't pay attention it's easy to start gaining. I've been within 5 pounds of goal now for 2 years, and I've been at or beneath goal for about 19 months. I had lost weight plenty of times before, but prior to the sleeve I would never be able to keep it off. Now, I can't eat as much, I don't really have any great urge to eat a lot, and I don't have an emotional relationship with food.
    As I've moved to the third year, I notice that I have to be very careful with sugar. I can, for the most part, eat what I want to because I eat such small servings, but almost any form of good sugar (cake, Cookies, frappucinos) makes me gain weight almost instantly. I've been consistently around 129-131, except for last year around this time I woke up at 137 on November 1 and it took me until January to get back to 130. This past August I dropped to 126 for awhile, but I am now back up to floating between 130-134. The last 2-3 weeks I've been extra cautious of how I've been eating because I've been drinking more sugary energy drinks and this is quickly reflected on the scale. Generally though when I get to the top of my allowed weight (133-134ish) I start logging all of my food again and within a few days I drop right back down to 130-132. The key in the long run is to understand that you don't get to be normal. You don't get to be blissfully unaware of the scale, to eat whatever you want, and to stay think without remembering every single day that you need to watch what you are eating. There are still days where I wake up, weigh myself, get mad, and kick the scale...which then results in a hurt foot and makes me more mad. The trick is though that I do the same thing the next morning- I get up and I weigh myself and I write it down in my calendar. I can then go back and see that my weight does fluctuate and I'm always able to get it back down to normal. You have to stay vigilant or it is VERY easy to gain it all back.
    Getting the sleeve was the best decision I have made as it relates to my health, dieting, and my happiness. It does not though make me healthy or make me happy- it just gives me a little bit of help and how I choose to use it is really what determines success.
×