Roo101769

I have to be honest here, because you all know I am honest. I have NOT been closely monitoring myself as I should. I don't measure or weigh. I haven't been counting Protein grams or liquid intake. I have been living. And yes, it is probably not the best way to proceed. But I am just the person I am, no more or less. When I learned to drive I was so focused on the lines on the road and lining everything up just right that I damn near wrecked several times. I get anal about things. But when the day came I thought " I am just going to point myself down the road and go, and try to stay in my lane" I got it. I have never had a ticket and the only wreck I have been in was caused by another. That is sort of how I am living with my sleeve. I am just pointing myself down the road and trying to stay in my lane. I pick healthy 98% of the time. ( And I won't lie to say I NEVER eat something I should not, because I have) I eat Protein first, and in many cases it is all I have. I still cannot consume a "meal", just an entrée. At times my mind gets carried away and I think I am eating like a horse. Then I stop and really ponder what has gone in my mouth and realize it is really, really not as bad as I was giving it credit. I drink when I can, period. I tend to drink more week days sitting at my desk because it is routine. On the weekends I don't do quite as well. But I can tell from my own body signals when I need more and when I am hitting the mark. And I have been very strongly working on getting ALL my Vitamins in daily. Again, easier on week days than week ends. Could I be doing better? Sure. I will be the first to admit I have not followed the rules of the sleeve down to the last letter. But have I been trying hard? Yes. Will I continue? Yes! Am I human? YES!!!! We all are. And to thine own self be true. No one is accountable for anything but me. I live with the body, I live with the consequences. I know I have to fight this fight, and I am. I completely understand the overwhelming feelings being a food addict brings with. I will face them the rest of my life, as I have to this point. The thing is now I feel I can do this, I can win. And if there was any way I could give strength to anyone out there who needed it, I would in a heartbeat.

Hmmm... Makes me wonder. Post op VSG you produce little to no ghrelin, so you are not really ever "hungry". But over time many start to regain some of the "hunger" feeling as ghrelin production increases. But right after (post op) is also probably when people who have VSG are getting their highest amounts of Protein. ( Isn't that what they stress?? Protein, protein, protein) In the study they say researchers have found high protein diets reduce the amount of ghrelin produced.....So, maybe it is a combination of surgery AND high protein diets that creates the desired effect. Therefore sticking with a high protein diet should, in essence, delay or eradicate the return of ghrelin. Love for them to do a study on that theory!

Hmmm... Makes me wonder. Post op VSG you produce little to no ghrelin, so you are not really ever "hungry". But over time many start to regain some of the "hunger" feeling as ghrelin production increases. But right after (post op) is also probably when people who have VSG are getting their highest amounts of Protein. ( Isn't that what they stress?? Protein, protein, protein) In the study they say researchers have found high protein diets reduce the amount of ghrelin produced.....So, maybe it is a combination of surgery AND high protein diets that creates the desired effect. Therefore sticking with a high protein diet should, in essence, delay or eradicate the return of ghrelin. Love for them to do a study on that theory!

Hmmm... Makes me wonder. Post op VSG you produce little to no ghrelin, so you are not really ever "hungry". But over time many start to regain some of the "hunger" feeling as ghrelin production increases. But right after (post op) is also probably when people who have VSG are getting their highest amounts of Protein. ( Isn't that what they stress?? Protein, protein, protein) In the study they say researchers have found high protein diets reduce the amount of ghrelin produced.....So, maybe it is a combination of surgery AND high protein diets that creates the desired effect. Therefore sticking with a high protein diet should, in essence, delay or eradicate the return of ghrelin. Love for them to do a study on that theory!

In my humble opinion I think MANY interpersonal relationships change when you have WLS. Family dynamics shift, depending on your place in the family. I have always been the one to support and give of myself to everyone. If I had nothing, I would still try to give. I would be suffering, in pain, yet I was always thinking of others. I had been off over two months from work and had spent 6 days in the hospital, yet in May 2013 I made sure to get to my nephew's wedding. ( Four days after I was released from hospital for a major DVT/PE) I was not perfect, but I tried. Then I decided to have the surgery for ME. As I lost weight I became more and more aware of how certain family members used me, and I put a stop to it. Then there was work. Most of my work associates supported my decision and have praised me for the weight I have lost. One coworker though has always been difficult. She is extremely passive aggressive and difficult to get along with. I put up with her nonsense for over 12 years, biting my tongue. Earlier this year I couldn't hold it in anymore. I let her know in no uncertain terms exactly what I thought of her. It got tense and ugly in the office for a while, but I didn't regret it. The old fat me did everything to keep the peace, don't rock the boat. The new thinner me isn't going to put up with the same BS. I am very over that.
And then there is my "personal" relationships. I will admit 100% I thought it would be easier to find a nice guy to date if I weighed less. I never got asked out on dates at 300 lbs +, I really thought when I became physically more attractive that would change. It has not. I haven't dated more than once or twice since I have lost weight. Yet I have made a change in this area too. I used to be available for "FWB" friendships. The problem was they weren't really friends and the only benefit was mostly for them. They didn't want to hang out. Heck most of the guys I have had "benefits" with over the past 10 years have had significant other women in their lives at the time! No, once again I did things just to have a guy pay attention to me. I believed I was desirable to the men, but the truth be known I was just easy. Well since I have lost weight that has stopped. I no longer have FWB. If I am not good enough for a man to take out on a date, been seen together in a social setting and want to actually spend time with me, I am not good for the other either. I think a lot of overweight people will do this, settle for less than ideal rather than nothing at all. Whether it be getting involved with people who are not the best for you or having intimate relationships that are without a relationship, obese people will put others before themselves. I think with weight loss after surgery we begin to find some confidence. We want better for ourselves. And those who have used us don't always like this change. They accuse us of being different people, that we have "changed"- like it is a bad thing. What has changed is we are learning to love ourselves enough to want better. And yes, it does often lead to changes within our social and familial dynamics.

I have to start this out by saying I am absolutely a success. I have lost 100lbs, weight I would have NEVER lost had I not had the VSG surgery. I do not regret for one minute making that decision. What I am regretting is where I have put myself right now. I did not use my tool to the best of it's ability early on. I used the sleeve to lose the weight for the first 10 months. I didn't even try to exercise. I was more active, yes. But I was losing and I was happy so I didn't put much effort in. My eating was under control for the most part during that time too. As time passed and weight loss slowed then stopped I did start to go to the gym. I figured I rode the sleeve as far as it would take me and now it was up to me. Except I stopped that too after a short while. I wasn't seeing many results and my schedule got in the way. Yes, I made excuses. Now I am in a horrible head space and I am trying desperately to figure out how to change it. My weight stays within a 5-7lbs zone, but that is still over 70lbs from my weight loss goal. I am still clinically obese. I have a friend who had surgery two months after mine and he is within 20lbs of his goal weight, and has lost over 200lbs! Of course there are differences in our lifestyles that attribute to that. First he is a male. He is also a gay male that does not have children. He gets up at 4am every day and goes to the gym to work out for 2.5 hours. I cannot do that, period. I have a six year old daughter that deserves time with me, not being bounced from daytime daycare to the daycare at the Y each and every day. ( and I would have to go AFTER work, not before) My friend struggles to with his eating, but his extreme exercise routine has made the difference for him.
I am feeling sort of depressed because I am coming to terms with my food addiction. I have to admit I totally shammed myself and the doctor in my psych eval pre op. I honestly didn't know the depths of my addiction until recently. I said all the right things and, at the time, believed I had a handle on it all. But if I was so truly self aware then how the HECK did I get to 316lbs?? Anyway, my eating has been off the charts of late. I eat entirely too big of portions. I eat a lot of wrong choices. I graze. All the things we learn not to do, and cannot do early after surgery, I have fallen back into. My very first inclination that I was going to have problems was hunger. Mine did not go away. Yes, for some time it seemed to have taken a back seat. I had a lot of swelling during my healing process, so my early restriction was crazy tight. I thought I had won a lottery because I never wanted anything and , if I did happen to get hungry, one or two bites and I was done. Well that all went away as soon as the swelling did. I felt hunger, real hunger. I tried to play it off as head hunger. I did all the tricks, drank more. Made myself wait to be sure I was really hungry and not just thinking so. I tried to distract myself. But it was real. I was hungry, too much. Then about two months or so out I made my first major misstep, I ate carbs. I just wanted to see if I could, what would happen. I will tell you what happened. The carbs went down very easy and created no issue. I didn't get sick. They didn't make me feel over full or bloated. What they did do though was end my ketosis phase and make my carb addiction kick right back in. I have battled now for over a year to try to stay away from those bad carbs with varying success. Some days I got it and some days they got me. Recently I have been trying to be mindful of my eating. I have connected with a group of old high school friends who have either already had WLS or are in the process. It has, at least, made me more conscience of what I am doing. Even though having this surgery is major and effects the rest of your life, it is also easy to go about living your life to the point you sort of forget you have done it. You go from the early days/ weeks/ months where it consumes your life to a place where it is in the back of your mind. Anyway, I am trying really hard to pay closer attention to my self sabotage. ( I am the QUEEN of that apparently!) Today I decided to log my intake. For those early out that probably seems obvious. But honestly I wasn't much of a logger, I didn't have the time. I just used my head, made wise choices and relied on the sleeve to keep me in line on portions. That was all well in good until it stopped working! Anyway today I have made a very conscience effort to be aware of exactly what I am putting in my mouth, and to tell you I am shocked is an understatement. After eating lunch I decided to tally things up so far. Being as honest as I could ( ok- I left off my coffee with a bit of Creamer in it but that was all) I figured up what I have put in my mouth today. At this point I have consumed 980 calories and 26.6 grams of fat, and I haven't even had dinner yet. I didn't tally carbs because I know they are high. These numbers are not through the roof or anything but....Given the fact I still have weight to lose they are too high. And the fact that I have really tried to be good today, and this is how bad I have done, it just boggles my mind. What the heck happened to me? Where is all the excitement I had early on? Why am I having such a hard time getting back to where I need to be?
As I write this I already figure some responses are that I should seek a therapist, and I really probably should. But given my finances that isn't in the cards. I am not looking for justification or anyone to say it is ok to be this way. I am just being as open and honest as I can because that is who I am. Maybe my struggle is not as uncommon as I think and maybe someone else out there can relate. I would love to hear from those folks. And if someone knows a magic switch I can flip to get my head back on right, PLEASE tell me!!!! LOL

In my humble opinion I think MANY interpersonal relationships change when you have WLS. Family dynamics shift, depending on your place in the family. I have always been the one to support and give of myself to everyone. If I had nothing, I would still try to give. I would be suffering, in pain, yet I was always thinking of others. I had been off over two months from work and had spent 6 days in the hospital, yet in May 2013 I made sure to get to my nephew's wedding. ( Four days after I was released from hospital for a major DVT/PE) I was not perfect, but I tried. Then I decided to have the surgery for ME. As I lost weight I became more and more aware of how certain family members used me, and I put a stop to it. Then there was work. Most of my work associates supported my decision and have praised me for the weight I have lost. One coworker though has always been difficult. She is extremely passive aggressive and difficult to get along with. I put up with her nonsense for over 12 years, biting my tongue. Earlier this year I couldn't hold it in anymore. I let her know in no uncertain terms exactly what I thought of her. It got tense and ugly in the office for a while, but I didn't regret it. The old fat me did everything to keep the peace, don't rock the boat. The new thinner me isn't going to put up with the same BS. I am very over that.
And then there is my "personal" relationships. I will admit 100% I thought it would be easier to find a nice guy to date if I weighed less. I never got asked out on dates at 300 lbs +, I really thought when I became physically more attractive that would change. It has not. I haven't dated more than once or twice since I have lost weight. Yet I have made a change in this area too. I used to be available for "FWB" friendships. The problem was they weren't really friends and the only benefit was mostly for them. They didn't want to hang out. Heck most of the guys I have had "benefits" with over the past 10 years have had significant other women in their lives at the time! No, once again I did things just to have a guy pay attention to me. I believed I was desirable to the men, but the truth be known I was just easy. Well since I have lost weight that has stopped. I no longer have FWB. If I am not good enough for a man to take out on a date, been seen together in a social setting and want to actually spend time with me, I am not good for the other either. I think a lot of overweight people will do this, settle for less than ideal rather than nothing at all. Whether it be getting involved with people who are not the best for you or having intimate relationships that are without a relationship, obese people will put others before themselves. I think with weight loss after surgery we begin to find some confidence. We want better for ourselves. And those who have used us don't always like this change. They accuse us of being different people, that we have "changed"- like it is a bad thing. What has changed is we are learning to love ourselves enough to want better. And yes, it does often lead to changes within our social and familial dynamics.

I have to start this out by saying I am absolutely a success. I have lost 100lbs, weight I would have NEVER lost had I not had the VSG surgery. I do not regret for one minute making that decision. What I am regretting is where I have put myself right now. I did not use my tool to the best of it's ability early on. I used the sleeve to lose the weight for the first 10 months. I didn't even try to exercise. I was more active, yes. But I was losing and I was happy so I didn't put much effort in. My eating was under control for the most part during that time too. As time passed and weight loss slowed then stopped I did start to go to the gym. I figured I rode the sleeve as far as it would take me and now it was up to me. Except I stopped that too after a short while. I wasn't seeing many results and my schedule got in the way. Yes, I made excuses. Now I am in a horrible head space and I am trying desperately to figure out how to change it. My weight stays within a 5-7lbs zone, but that is still over 70lbs from my weight loss goal. I am still clinically obese. I have a friend who had surgery two months after mine and he is within 20lbs of his goal weight, and has lost over 200lbs! Of course there are differences in our lifestyles that attribute to that. First he is a male. He is also a gay male that does not have children. He gets up at 4am every day and goes to the gym to work out for 2.5 hours. I cannot do that, period. I have a six year old daughter that deserves time with me, not being bounced from daytime daycare to the daycare at the Y each and every day. ( and I would have to go AFTER work, not before) My friend struggles to with his eating, but his extreme exercise routine has made the difference for him.
I am feeling sort of depressed because I am coming to terms with my food addiction. I have to admit I totally shammed myself and the doctor in my psych eval pre op. I honestly didn't know the depths of my addiction until recently. I said all the right things and, at the time, believed I had a handle on it all. But if I was so truly self aware then how the HECK did I get to 316lbs?? Anyway, my eating has been off the charts of late. I eat entirely too big of portions. I eat a lot of wrong choices. I graze. All the things we learn not to do, and cannot do early after surgery, I have fallen back into. My very first inclination that I was going to have problems was hunger. Mine did not go away. Yes, for some time it seemed to have taken a back seat. I had a lot of swelling during my healing process, so my early restriction was crazy tight. I thought I had won a lottery because I never wanted anything and , if I did happen to get hungry, one or two bites and I was done. Well that all went away as soon as the swelling did. I felt hunger, real hunger. I tried to play it off as head hunger. I did all the tricks, drank more. Made myself wait to be sure I was really hungry and not just thinking so. I tried to distract myself. But it was real. I was hungry, too much. Then about two months or so out I made my first major misstep, I ate carbs. I just wanted to see if I could, what would happen. I will tell you what happened. The carbs went down very easy and created no issue. I didn't get sick. They didn't make me feel over full or bloated. What they did do though was end my ketosis phase and make my carb addiction kick right back in. I have battled now for over a year to try to stay away from those bad carbs with varying success. Some days I got it and some days they got me. Recently I have been trying to be mindful of my eating. I have connected with a group of old high school friends who have either already had WLS or are in the process. It has, at least, made me more conscience of what I am doing. Even though having this surgery is major and effects the rest of your life, it is also easy to go about living your life to the point you sort of forget you have done it. You go from the early days/ weeks/ months where it consumes your life to a place where it is in the back of your mind. Anyway, I am trying really hard to pay closer attention to my self sabotage. ( I am the QUEEN of that apparently!) Today I decided to log my intake. For those early out that probably seems obvious. But honestly I wasn't much of a logger, I didn't have the time. I just used my head, made wise choices and relied on the sleeve to keep me in line on portions. That was all well in good until it stopped working! Anyway today I have made a very conscience effort to be aware of exactly what I am putting in my mouth, and to tell you I am shocked is an understatement. After eating lunch I decided to tally things up so far. Being as honest as I could ( ok- I left off my coffee with a bit of Creamer in it but that was all) I figured up what I have put in my mouth today. At this point I have consumed 980 calories and 26.6 grams of fat, and I haven't even had dinner yet. I didn't tally carbs because I know they are high. These numbers are not through the roof or anything but....Given the fact I still have weight to lose they are too high. And the fact that I have really tried to be good today, and this is how bad I have done, it just boggles my mind. What the heck happened to me? Where is all the excitement I had early on? Why am I having such a hard time getting back to where I need to be?
As I write this I already figure some responses are that I should seek a therapist, and I really probably should. But given my finances that isn't in the cards. I am not looking for justification or anyone to say it is ok to be this way. I am just being as open and honest as I can because that is who I am. Maybe my struggle is not as uncommon as I think and maybe someone else out there can relate. I would love to hear from those folks. And if someone knows a magic switch I can flip to get my head back on right, PLEASE tell me!!!! LOL

I have to start this out by saying I am absolutely a success. I have lost 100lbs, weight I would have NEVER lost had I not had the VSG surgery. I do not regret for one minute making that decision. What I am regretting is where I have put myself right now. I did not use my tool to the best of it's ability early on. I used the sleeve to lose the weight for the first 10 months. I didn't even try to exercise. I was more active, yes. But I was losing and I was happy so I didn't put much effort in. My eating was under control for the most part during that time too. As time passed and weight loss slowed then stopped I did start to go to the gym. I figured I rode the sleeve as far as it would take me and now it was up to me. Except I stopped that too after a short while. I wasn't seeing many results and my schedule got in the way. Yes, I made excuses. Now I am in a horrible head space and I am trying desperately to figure out how to change it. My weight stays within a 5-7lbs zone, but that is still over 70lbs from my weight loss goal. I am still clinically obese. I have a friend who had surgery two months after mine and he is within 20lbs of his goal weight, and has lost over 200lbs! Of course there are differences in our lifestyles that attribute to that. First he is a male. He is also a gay male that does not have children. He gets up at 4am every day and goes to the gym to work out for 2.5 hours. I cannot do that, period. I have a six year old daughter that deserves time with me, not being bounced from daytime daycare to the daycare at the Y each and every day. ( and I would have to go AFTER work, not before) My friend struggles to with his eating, but his extreme exercise routine has made the difference for him.
I am feeling sort of depressed because I am coming to terms with my food addiction. I have to admit I totally shammed myself and the doctor in my psych eval pre op. I honestly didn't know the depths of my addiction until recently. I said all the right things and, at the time, believed I had a handle on it all. But if I was so truly self aware then how the HECK did I get to 316lbs?? Anyway, my eating has been off the charts of late. I eat entirely too big of portions. I eat a lot of wrong choices. I graze. All the things we learn not to do, and cannot do early after surgery, I have fallen back into. My very first inclination that I was going to have problems was hunger. Mine did not go away. Yes, for some time it seemed to have taken a back seat. I had a lot of swelling during my healing process, so my early restriction was crazy tight. I thought I had won a lottery because I never wanted anything and , if I did happen to get hungry, one or two bites and I was done. Well that all went away as soon as the swelling did. I felt hunger, real hunger. I tried to play it off as head hunger. I did all the tricks, drank more. Made myself wait to be sure I was really hungry and not just thinking so. I tried to distract myself. But it was real. I was hungry, too much. Then about two months or so out I made my first major misstep, I ate carbs. I just wanted to see if I could, what would happen. I will tell you what happened. The carbs went down very easy and created no issue. I didn't get sick. They didn't make me feel over full or bloated. What they did do though was end my ketosis phase and make my carb addiction kick right back in. I have battled now for over a year to try to stay away from those bad carbs with varying success. Some days I got it and some days they got me. Recently I have been trying to be mindful of my eating. I have connected with a group of old high school friends who have either already had WLS or are in the process. It has, at least, made me more conscience of what I am doing. Even though having this surgery is major and effects the rest of your life, it is also easy to go about living your life to the point you sort of forget you have done it. You go from the early days/ weeks/ months where it consumes your life to a place where it is in the back of your mind. Anyway, I am trying really hard to pay closer attention to my self sabotage. ( I am the QUEEN of that apparently!) Today I decided to log my intake. For those early out that probably seems obvious. But honestly I wasn't much of a logger, I didn't have the time. I just used my head, made wise choices and relied on the sleeve to keep me in line on portions. That was all well in good until it stopped working! Anyway today I have made a very conscience effort to be aware of exactly what I am putting in my mouth, and to tell you I am shocked is an understatement. After eating lunch I decided to tally things up so far. Being as honest as I could ( ok- I left off my coffee with a bit of Creamer in it but that was all) I figured up what I have put in my mouth today. At this point I have consumed 980 calories and 26.6 grams of fat, and I haven't even had dinner yet. I didn't tally carbs because I know they are high. These numbers are not through the roof or anything but....Given the fact I still have weight to lose they are too high. And the fact that I have really tried to be good today, and this is how bad I have done, it just boggles my mind. What the heck happened to me? Where is all the excitement I had early on? Why am I having such a hard time getting back to where I need to be?
As I write this I already figure some responses are that I should seek a therapist, and I really probably should. But given my finances that isn't in the cards. I am not looking for justification or anyone to say it is ok to be this way. I am just being as open and honest as I can because that is who I am. Maybe my struggle is not as uncommon as I think and maybe someone else out there can relate. I would love to hear from those folks. And if someone knows a magic switch I can flip to get my head back on right, PLEASE tell me!!!! LOL

I have to start this out by saying I am absolutely a success. I have lost 100lbs, weight I would have NEVER lost had I not had the VSG surgery. I do not regret for one minute making that decision. What I am regretting is where I have put myself right now. I did not use my tool to the best of it's ability early on. I used the sleeve to lose the weight for the first 10 months. I didn't even try to exercise. I was more active, yes. But I was losing and I was happy so I didn't put much effort in. My eating was under control for the most part during that time too. As time passed and weight loss slowed then stopped I did start to go to the gym. I figured I rode the sleeve as far as it would take me and now it was up to me. Except I stopped that too after a short while. I wasn't seeing many results and my schedule got in the way. Yes, I made excuses. Now I am in a horrible head space and I am trying desperately to figure out how to change it. My weight stays within a 5-7lbs zone, but that is still over 70lbs from my weight loss goal. I am still clinically obese. I have a friend who had surgery two months after mine and he is within 20lbs of his goal weight, and has lost over 200lbs! Of course there are differences in our lifestyles that attribute to that. First he is a male. He is also a gay male that does not have children. He gets up at 4am every day and goes to the gym to work out for 2.5 hours. I cannot do that, period. I have a six year old daughter that deserves time with me, not being bounced from daytime daycare to the daycare at the Y each and every day. ( and I would have to go AFTER work, not before) My friend struggles to with his eating, but his extreme exercise routine has made the difference for him.
I am feeling sort of depressed because I am coming to terms with my food addiction. I have to admit I totally shammed myself and the doctor in my psych eval pre op. I honestly didn't know the depths of my addiction until recently. I said all the right things and, at the time, believed I had a handle on it all. But if I was so truly self aware then how the HECK did I get to 316lbs?? Anyway, my eating has been off the charts of late. I eat entirely too big of portions. I eat a lot of wrong choices. I graze. All the things we learn not to do, and cannot do early after surgery, I have fallen back into. My very first inclination that I was going to have problems was hunger. Mine did not go away. Yes, for some time it seemed to have taken a back seat. I had a lot of swelling during my healing process, so my early restriction was crazy tight. I thought I had won a lottery because I never wanted anything and , if I did happen to get hungry, one or two bites and I was done. Well that all went away as soon as the swelling did. I felt hunger, real hunger. I tried to play it off as head hunger. I did all the tricks, drank more. Made myself wait to be sure I was really hungry and not just thinking so. I tried to distract myself. But it was real. I was hungry, too much. Then about two months or so out I made my first major misstep, I ate carbs. I just wanted to see if I could, what would happen. I will tell you what happened. The carbs went down very easy and created no issue. I didn't get sick. They didn't make me feel over full or bloated. What they did do though was end my ketosis phase and make my carb addiction kick right back in. I have battled now for over a year to try to stay away from those bad carbs with varying success. Some days I got it and some days they got me. Recently I have been trying to be mindful of my eating. I have connected with a group of old high school friends who have either already had WLS or are in the process. It has, at least, made me more conscience of what I am doing. Even though having this surgery is major and effects the rest of your life, it is also easy to go about living your life to the point you sort of forget you have done it. You go from the early days/ weeks/ months where it consumes your life to a place where it is in the back of your mind. Anyway, I am trying really hard to pay closer attention to my self sabotage. ( I am the QUEEN of that apparently!) Today I decided to log my intake. For those early out that probably seems obvious. But honestly I wasn't much of a logger, I didn't have the time. I just used my head, made wise choices and relied on the sleeve to keep me in line on portions. That was all well in good until it stopped working! Anyway today I have made a very conscience effort to be aware of exactly what I am putting in my mouth, and to tell you I am shocked is an understatement. After eating lunch I decided to tally things up so far. Being as honest as I could ( ok- I left off my coffee with a bit of Creamer in it but that was all) I figured up what I have put in my mouth today. At this point I have consumed 980 calories and 26.6 grams of fat, and I haven't even had dinner yet. I didn't tally carbs because I know they are high. These numbers are not through the roof or anything but....Given the fact I still have weight to lose they are too high. And the fact that I have really tried to be good today, and this is how bad I have done, it just boggles my mind. What the heck happened to me? Where is all the excitement I had early on? Why am I having such a hard time getting back to where I need to be?
As I write this I already figure some responses are that I should seek a therapist, and I really probably should. But given my finances that isn't in the cards. I am not looking for justification or anyone to say it is ok to be this way. I am just being as open and honest as I can because that is who I am. Maybe my struggle is not as uncommon as I think and maybe someone else out there can relate. I would love to hear from those folks. And if someone knows a magic switch I can flip to get my head back on right, PLEASE tell me!!!! LOL

In my humble opinion I think MANY interpersonal relationships change when you have WLS. Family dynamics shift, depending on your place in the family. I have always been the one to support and give of myself to everyone. If I had nothing, I would still try to give. I would be suffering, in pain, yet I was always thinking of others. I had been off over two months from work and had spent 6 days in the hospital, yet in May 2013 I made sure to get to my nephew's wedding. ( Four days after I was released from hospital for a major DVT/PE) I was not perfect, but I tried. Then I decided to have the surgery for ME. As I lost weight I became more and more aware of how certain family members used me, and I put a stop to it. Then there was work. Most of my work associates supported my decision and have praised me for the weight I have lost. One coworker though has always been difficult. She is extremely passive aggressive and difficult to get along with. I put up with her nonsense for over 12 years, biting my tongue. Earlier this year I couldn't hold it in anymore. I let her know in no uncertain terms exactly what I thought of her. It got tense and ugly in the office for a while, but I didn't regret it. The old fat me did everything to keep the peace, don't rock the boat. The new thinner me isn't going to put up with the same BS. I am very over that.
And then there is my "personal" relationships. I will admit 100% I thought it would be easier to find a nice guy to date if I weighed less. I never got asked out on dates at 300 lbs +, I really thought when I became physically more attractive that would change. It has not. I haven't dated more than once or twice since I have lost weight. Yet I have made a change in this area too. I used to be available for "FWB" friendships. The problem was they weren't really friends and the only benefit was mostly for them. They didn't want to hang out. Heck most of the guys I have had "benefits" with over the past 10 years have had significant other women in their lives at the time! No, once again I did things just to have a guy pay attention to me. I believed I was desirable to the men, but the truth be known I was just easy. Well since I have lost weight that has stopped. I no longer have FWB. If I am not good enough for a man to take out on a date, been seen together in a social setting and want to actually spend time with me, I am not good for the other either. I think a lot of overweight people will do this, settle for less than ideal rather than nothing at all. Whether it be getting involved with people who are not the best for you or having intimate relationships that are without a relationship, obese people will put others before themselves. I think with weight loss after surgery we begin to find some confidence. We want better for ourselves. And those who have used us don't always like this change. They accuse us of being different people, that we have "changed"- like it is a bad thing. What has changed is we are learning to love ourselves enough to want better. And yes, it does often lead to changes within our social and familial dynamics.

Control at home is mostly me, but I do have an adult niece currently living with me. ( that tends to snack) Work is an entirely different monster. There is a snack table that sits about 4 feet from my desk that is ALWAYS loaded with chips and Cookies and candy. I cannot do a darn thing about that. I sit and look at this stuff for 8 hours a day.
Truth is I am the only one responsible. I am the only one liable. I am just at a hard place trying to get back some of my will power. Every day is a new day and a new chance.

That is a good idea Lisa. I blogged a lot early on in the process. ( Here on this site) I need to sit and reread those. I do remember exactly why I did it. My thing is trying to recapture the excitement. I am sure I was like countless others who went into this expecting great things. I HAVE had great results, just not all I wanted. I need to recapture that feeling of great hope and possibility. Back when the idea of being thin was a dream. ( which to be honest I never was able to picture myself thin) I have not given up on the idea of losing more. And I am not trying to be negative towards the surgery itself. I think it is a great and wonderful option that did give me back part of my life. I just want more... or less. LOL

Dating for me continues to be a huge challenge, although I really thought it would get easier once I lost weight. Boy was I wrong! When I was over 300lbs I always used my size as my internal reason why I couldn't meet a great guy. It is stupid I realize, because I am the same person at any size. I did become involved in several wrong, purely physical relationships while I was that heavy too. I tried to tell myself it was my choice, that I controlled what happened. These guys weren't using me, I chose not to look for more than FWB. Problem was, I did want more and just couldn't find it. When I had the surgery I thought dating and my love life would magically become easier. WRONG!!! I still have not found anyone genuine who wants to know me. I have certainly had more attention. I have had compliments galore and I even have been hit on a few times in a bar. ( Even by significantly younger guys!) But I still fail to make a connection with anyone who is looking for something real. At first it was completely ego zapping to think "I'm not good enough" still. But I have done a lot of soul searching about it and realize I do not put myself in environments that allow for me to find anything more substantial. I still use a lot of my "fat girl" fall backs. I still look for the wrong qualities in the wrong types. I know what I want, I really do. Problem is I settle all too often for much less. I need to be ok being alone if settling is all I will get.
That all being said I have no issue telling anyone about my weight loss. In my opinion it is pretty obvious anyway from my turkey neck and bat wings. I realize I am still "obese" even after losing 100lbs, but I now look "acceptable". I am not self conscience in every social situation feeling like the heaviest person in the room. And if I meet a guy I will tell him the truth. Maybe not as my lead in but it certainly will come up in conversation. It is part of me, part of my life. If I ever want to have a "REAL" relationship then the guys I date have to know who I am... Maybe it works out, maybe it doesn't. But I refuse to feel any shame from anyone for having weight loss surgery.

I have to start this out by saying I am absolutely a success. I have lost 100lbs, weight I would have NEVER lost had I not had the VSG surgery. I do not regret for one minute making that decision. What I am regretting is where I have put myself right now. I did not use my tool to the best of it's ability early on. I used the sleeve to lose the weight for the first 10 months. I didn't even try to exercise. I was more active, yes. But I was losing and I was happy so I didn't put much effort in. My eating was under control for the most part during that time too. As time passed and weight loss slowed then stopped I did start to go to the gym. I figured I rode the sleeve as far as it would take me and now it was up to me. Except I stopped that too after a short while. I wasn't seeing many results and my schedule got in the way. Yes, I made excuses. Now I am in a horrible head space and I am trying desperately to figure out how to change it. My weight stays within a 5-7lbs zone, but that is still over 70lbs from my weight loss goal. I am still clinically obese. I have a friend who had surgery two months after mine and he is within 20lbs of his goal weight, and has lost over 200lbs! Of course there are differences in our lifestyles that attribute to that. First he is a male. He is also a gay male that does not have children. He gets up at 4am every day and goes to the gym to work out for 2.5 hours. I cannot do that, period. I have a six year old daughter that deserves time with me, not being bounced from daytime daycare to the daycare at the Y each and every day. ( and I would have to go AFTER work, not before) My friend struggles to with his eating, but his extreme exercise routine has made the difference for him.
I am feeling sort of depressed because I am coming to terms with my food addiction. I have to admit I totally shammed myself and the doctor in my psych eval pre op. I honestly didn't know the depths of my addiction until recently. I said all the right things and, at the time, believed I had a handle on it all. But if I was so truly self aware then how the HECK did I get to 316lbs?? Anyway, my eating has been off the charts of late. I eat entirely too big of portions. I eat a lot of wrong choices. I graze. All the things we learn not to do, and cannot do early after surgery, I have fallen back into. My very first inclination that I was going to have problems was hunger. Mine did not go away. Yes, for some time it seemed to have taken a back seat. I had a lot of swelling during my healing process, so my early restriction was crazy tight. I thought I had won a lottery because I never wanted anything and , if I did happen to get hungry, one or two bites and I was done. Well that all went away as soon as the swelling did. I felt hunger, real hunger. I tried to play it off as head hunger. I did all the tricks, drank more. Made myself wait to be sure I was really hungry and not just thinking so. I tried to distract myself. But it was real. I was hungry, too much. Then about two months or so out I made my first major misstep, I ate carbs. I just wanted to see if I could, what would happen. I will tell you what happened. The carbs went down very easy and created no issue. I didn't get sick. They didn't make me feel over full or bloated. What they did do though was end my ketosis phase and make my carb addiction kick right back in. I have battled now for over a year to try to stay away from those bad carbs with varying success. Some days I got it and some days they got me. Recently I have been trying to be mindful of my eating. I have connected with a group of old high school friends who have either already had WLS or are in the process. It has, at least, made me more conscience of what I am doing. Even though having this surgery is major and effects the rest of your life, it is also easy to go about living your life to the point you sort of forget you have done it. You go from the early days/ weeks/ months where it consumes your life to a place where it is in the back of your mind. Anyway, I am trying really hard to pay closer attention to my self sabotage. ( I am the QUEEN of that apparently!) Today I decided to log my intake. For those early out that probably seems obvious. But honestly I wasn't much of a logger, I didn't have the time. I just used my head, made wise choices and relied on the sleeve to keep me in line on portions. That was all well in good until it stopped working! Anyway today I have made a very conscience effort to be aware of exactly what I am putting in my mouth, and to tell you I am shocked is an understatement. After eating lunch I decided to tally things up so far. Being as honest as I could ( ok- I left off my coffee with a bit of Creamer in it but that was all) I figured up what I have put in my mouth today. At this point I have consumed 980 calories and 26.6 grams of fat, and I haven't even had dinner yet. I didn't tally carbs because I know they are high. These numbers are not through the roof or anything but....Given the fact I still have weight to lose they are too high. And the fact that I have really tried to be good today, and this is how bad I have done, it just boggles my mind. What the heck happened to me? Where is all the excitement I had early on? Why am I having such a hard time getting back to where I need to be?
As I write this I already figure some responses are that I should seek a therapist, and I really probably should. But given my finances that isn't in the cards. I am not looking for justification or anyone to say it is ok to be this way. I am just being as open and honest as I can because that is who I am. Maybe my struggle is not as uncommon as I think and maybe someone else out there can relate. I would love to hear from those folks. And if someone knows a magic switch I can flip to get my head back on right, PLEASE tell me!!!! LOL

I have to start this out by saying I am absolutely a success. I have lost 100lbs, weight I would have NEVER lost had I not had the VSG surgery. I do not regret for one minute making that decision. What I am regretting is where I have put myself right now. I did not use my tool to the best of it's ability early on. I used the sleeve to lose the weight for the first 10 months. I didn't even try to exercise. I was more active, yes. But I was losing and I was happy so I didn't put much effort in. My eating was under control for the most part during that time too. As time passed and weight loss slowed then stopped I did start to go to the gym. I figured I rode the sleeve as far as it would take me and now it was up to me. Except I stopped that too after a short while. I wasn't seeing many results and my schedule got in the way. Yes, I made excuses. Now I am in a horrible head space and I am trying desperately to figure out how to change it. My weight stays within a 5-7lbs zone, but that is still over 70lbs from my weight loss goal. I am still clinically obese. I have a friend who had surgery two months after mine and he is within 20lbs of his goal weight, and has lost over 200lbs! Of course there are differences in our lifestyles that attribute to that. First he is a male. He is also a gay male that does not have children. He gets up at 4am every day and goes to the gym to work out for 2.5 hours. I cannot do that, period. I have a six year old daughter that deserves time with me, not being bounced from daytime daycare to the daycare at the Y each and every day. ( and I would have to go AFTER work, not before) My friend struggles to with his eating, but his extreme exercise routine has made the difference for him.
I am feeling sort of depressed because I am coming to terms with my food addiction. I have to admit I totally shammed myself and the doctor in my psych eval pre op. I honestly didn't know the depths of my addiction until recently. I said all the right things and, at the time, believed I had a handle on it all. But if I was so truly self aware then how the HECK did I get to 316lbs?? Anyway, my eating has been off the charts of late. I eat entirely too big of portions. I eat a lot of wrong choices. I graze. All the things we learn not to do, and cannot do early after surgery, I have fallen back into. My very first inclination that I was going to have problems was hunger. Mine did not go away. Yes, for some time it seemed to have taken a back seat. I had a lot of swelling during my healing process, so my early restriction was crazy tight. I thought I had won a lottery because I never wanted anything and , if I did happen to get hungry, one or two bites and I was done. Well that all went away as soon as the swelling did. I felt hunger, real hunger. I tried to play it off as head hunger. I did all the tricks, drank more. Made myself wait to be sure I was really hungry and not just thinking so. I tried to distract myself. But it was real. I was hungry, too much. Then about two months or so out I made my first major misstep, I ate carbs. I just wanted to see if I could, what would happen. I will tell you what happened. The carbs went down very easy and created no issue. I didn't get sick. They didn't make me feel over full or bloated. What they did do though was end my ketosis phase and make my carb addiction kick right back in. I have battled now for over a year to try to stay away from those bad carbs with varying success. Some days I got it and some days they got me. Recently I have been trying to be mindful of my eating. I have connected with a group of old high school friends who have either already had WLS or are in the process. It has, at least, made me more conscience of what I am doing. Even though having this surgery is major and effects the rest of your life, it is also easy to go about living your life to the point you sort of forget you have done it. You go from the early days/ weeks/ months where it consumes your life to a place where it is in the back of your mind. Anyway, I am trying really hard to pay closer attention to my self sabotage. ( I am the QUEEN of that apparently!) Today I decided to log my intake. For those early out that probably seems obvious. But honestly I wasn't much of a logger, I didn't have the time. I just used my head, made wise choices and relied on the sleeve to keep me in line on portions. That was all well in good until it stopped working! Anyway today I have made a very conscience effort to be aware of exactly what I am putting in my mouth, and to tell you I am shocked is an understatement. After eating lunch I decided to tally things up so far. Being as honest as I could ( ok- I left off my coffee with a bit of Creamer in it but that was all) I figured up what I have put in my mouth today. At this point I have consumed 980 calories and 26.6 grams of fat, and I haven't even had dinner yet. I didn't tally carbs because I know they are high. These numbers are not through the roof or anything but....Given the fact I still have weight to lose they are too high. And the fact that I have really tried to be good today, and this is how bad I have done, it just boggles my mind. What the heck happened to me? Where is all the excitement I had early on? Why am I having such a hard time getting back to where I need to be?
As I write this I already figure some responses are that I should seek a therapist, and I really probably should. But given my finances that isn't in the cards. I am not looking for justification or anyone to say it is ok to be this way. I am just being as open and honest as I can because that is who I am. Maybe my struggle is not as uncommon as I think and maybe someone else out there can relate. I would love to hear from those folks. And if someone knows a magic switch I can flip to get my head back on right, PLEASE tell me!!!! LOL

@@kimpossible67 My deepest condolences. I lost my mom after a very brief illness back in 2003. There are no words to describe what you are feeling, but just know I know how you feel. Do not stress anything but feel your feelings and go through your emotions, it is best. The rest can wait and will all be there when you are ready to tackle it again.
@kindle- I want to offer my condolences to you too. I am so sorry for your loss, and for whatever your dear friend suffered through to lead him to such a desperate place. Again, as I advised above, feel your feelings then deal with the rest. ( food & eating issues)

There has been years of discussion and arguments over that very topic. I, for one, have used them most of my life with no issue. My mom used Sweet & Low in her iced tea and we only drank diet soda. ( and not in mass quantities either) Now there are more "natural" options if you want to try to avoid the purely chemical ones. Things made with Stevia or Monk Fruit.
Personally I don't get cravings from artificial sweeteners. It is only when I give in and eat things with refined sugar does my carb addiction kick in full tilt. For me the artificial stuff just makes things more palatable and gives me the taste of how I used to eat without the guilt.

(Disclaimer: I’m not a sleeve patient). I understand your fear, but like the others have said, you just have to stick to your diet. If you eat right, you’ll lose weight. Maybe the sleeve will feel like it stretches as it calms down after surgery, and maybe it’ll stretch a little over time, but you can lose weight if you stick to the diet.
There may be some times when you’re hungry and it’s not time to eat yet. You just have to wait a little (or eat a little bit of your next meal now and save the rest for later). That’s normal, even if your sleeve hasn’t stretched.
You can definitely “outeat” your sleeve if you try. Maybe it’s because you stretch it, or maybe it’s because you eat around it. If you eat too often, choose high-calorie foods, drink drinks with calories, drink when you eat…break the rules of your diet, you’ll out-eat your sleeve. Maybe it’s because you’ve eaten around it, or maybe it’s because you’ve stretched it. Whatever it is, it’s because of going off the diet.
As for eating slowly…it takes practice. Think of it as a challenge, and as an opportunity. Taste your food. Feel free to play games with it. Good luck!

There's a very good book I'm reading (I'm 2 weeks pre-op) called "It Aint Over 'til the Thin Lady Sings" by Michelle Ritchie, who is a certified substance abuse counselor and who had WLS surgery and really understands the ins and outs of compulsive eating.
I struggle with it myself. I use food to decompress, and to "anchor" myself upon arrival, i.e., when I arrive at a friend's house, or at work, or home after work. Eating for me has historically had NOTHING to do with hunger.
This book makes you do some serious soul-searching.
You know what they say, it's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you...
Anyway, I like the book, and it's important to do some serious exploration of why we overeat. Restriction is just a tool. I get so sick of hearing that and reading it, but it's true. You can build a house with a hammer, but you gotta swing it, baby!
I feel pretty sure you'll get back on track. Just don't chew your paw off, the stress will only make it worse.

@@Roo101769 I just want to say thank you for writing this post and being sooo honest and open about your struggle. I'm still pre op and have been looking for ppl that could share the "real" deal about surgery.
I was trying to decide which surgery to get and the biggest fear I had about vsg was what you are describing in your post. I have decided to go with bypass because like you, I know having no consequences after a while may leave me stuck. Just know you are not alone in your struggle. I'm sure there are a lot, who's had either surgery, in the same predicament as you. It's probably a little hard right now but I'm sure you'll get over the hump and kick it in gear soon...you've come so far, let that and your baby girl be the motivation to keep going...good luck!

If WLS surgery is taking the "easy" way out then I would not be 18 months post op and still obese. While I have lost 100lbs, I am only a little over half way to goal. It is not easy. It takes work. The surgery is a tool that helps you, but it doesn't do everything for you. I am in no way trying to discourage you because I wouldn't change my decision to have the surgery. I am 100lbs lighter than I was, which I would have not lost on my own. If I could have dieted and exercised that off then I wouldn't be fat now. It is a fact I have a problem. I have control issues and a major carb addiction. To this day I struggle with my choices. My surgery helped me get past the initial roadblocks to get a lot of the excess off. Now I need to figure out how to get my head back into the game to get the rest off. Weight loss is probably 85% mental and 15% physical. ( Ok, just my opinion) Please do not follow the mass delusion that WLS is taking an easy way out because that is simply not true. Be proud that you have the courage to face your reality as to why you are heavy and that you are making an informed and proactive decision to change it!

If WLS surgery is taking the "easy" way out then I would not be 18 months post op and still obese. While I have lost 100lbs, I am only a little over half way to goal. It is not easy. It takes work. The surgery is a tool that helps you, but it doesn't do everything for you. I am in no way trying to discourage you because I wouldn't change my decision to have the surgery. I am 100lbs lighter than I was, which I would have not lost on my own. If I could have dieted and exercised that off then I wouldn't be fat now. It is a fact I have a problem. I have control issues and a major carb addiction. To this day I struggle with my choices. My surgery helped me get past the initial roadblocks to get a lot of the excess off. Now I need to figure out how to get my head back into the game to get the rest off. Weight loss is probably 85% mental and 15% physical. ( Ok, just my opinion) Please do not follow the mass delusion that WLS is taking an easy way out because that is simply not true. Be proud that you have the courage to face your reality as to why you are heavy and that you are making an informed and proactive decision to change it!

@@Roo101769
Oh, you do have a battle to fight! So, may I suggest battling it this way? Get one of those divider cups (find in the baby section, near where the formula is - about 3"x3", with a removable top), fill it with 2-3 portions (about 1/2 ounce EACH of said snack) of healthy snack items (such as craisins, cubed cheese, bite-size Jerky - I use a kitchen shears to cut it up, nuts, raisins, other dried fruit....).
That way you have a ready-to-snack option at hand, that will take away the craving for the stuff on the dreaded table. The Protein in the snack should help keep you sated until mealtime, and the carbs should give you enough energy until the next time you eat. The key is to keep the portion size small, just enough to get you through. Hopefully this will help in the "battle of the table"!

Unfortunately there is nothing that can be done about the table. There is no where it can be moved and my desk cannot be moved either. This table has sat there for at least the last 17-18 years, full of treats. Sometimes I have no problem ignoring it. But days when my will power is low, it is the hardest thing to walk by. The table is stocked by one individual for the most part. ( I would say he provides 99.8% of the goodies) I have tried to talk to him about bring healthier options, or not bringing so much. It falls on deaf ears. He is a kind man but he just does not get it. And yes, I have heard others complain about all the food too, yet it keeps being eaten.
Here is what is currently on the table... A bag of Fritos, a bag of Herr's creamy dill potato chips, a bag of Cheetos, a bag of Combos, a box of Cheese-its, a container of pretzels, jelly Beans, caramel bulls eyes and cow tails, Keebler soft batch chocolate chip Cookies and Keebler fudge sticks, and a jar of peanuts. This is the end of the week, supplies are low. On Monday there will be about three times this amount of junk food. Every other Wednesday he brings in donuts. Yes, I do try to bring my own Snacks. My biggest problem is definitely self control.
So needless to say, 40 hrs a week I am being tested. We went live on new computer system at work last November (that STILL does not work properly) and that has upped the stress level here ten fold. When I am at my weakest I have all this temptation in front of me, and it isn't going anywhere.
But all of this is just one explanation, some would say an excuse. I am trying. But I am also being honest when I say I am struggling. Each day is a new start, a new chance. Today I started my day with a big Protein smoothie. I am going to try to bump up my Protein levels to see if that helps. ( I read an interesting article about signs you are not getting enough protein yesterday, it does explain a lot. ) Anyway, thanks to all for advice and concern. That is why I turn to this site when I have problems. It is a support site after all, and sometimes we all need that extra help.
@@Roo101769
Is there any way to move the snack table? If not, could you chat with who is in charge and ask if your desk could be moved elsewhere? If you explain you are trying to deal with weight issues, it may help get it or you moved. Is there any way to turn your desk around, so you don't have to see it? If you have meetings, could it be brought up where people could leave their Snacks in their desks, and not in public? You are probably not the only one with an issue with the snack table! Or like a previous poster noted, have healthier snacks available? I don't envy you this one, hopefully folks will understand and accommodate you on this. Good luck!