lizrox

I am a little over a week post-op and I am feeling great. The biggest change I feel is real strength around food. I was hardcore addicted and now my relationship with it feels so much closer to normal.
 
This weekend my father in law baked homemade cookies while I was visiting. He loves baking and in the past I would have obsessed over them. The smell, then my thoughts would be consumed with "Should I eat one? No, I'm too fat I need to stop...but I deserve one...everyone gets the have them why deprive myself?" Then I would go eat 5 or 6 and send the rest of the night feeling guilty and beat myself up. Certainly no way to live!
 
This weekend I smelled them an thought...oh that smells good. The end. No obsessing, no guilt...the cookies just rolled off my back. It is just so empowering. This really needs to stay. It freed my mind to think about life, family, the future etc... I am just thrilled I made this decision and need my strength to last.
 
Things are looking up!

I just wanted to post about my experience last week. We decided to take my 2 year old daughter to the water park that is near my house. I have never been there because I have been extremely overweight for the past 4 years of my life. I always worried about climbing and things falling out and just being totally uncomfortable.
 
Over the past 5 months I have lost 80 pounds and boy has it made a difference. I don't think it is just the weight loss, but my strength training as well. I lift weights 4x a week at a bare minimum and I really think that it has made a world of difference.
 
I had it planned in my head that I could only make it for 3 hours because I would be tired and I ended up staying there for 6 hours!!! I had no problem with stairs, slides, swimming, climbing, and I even carried this massive tube up the mountain!
 
All of this really hit me when I went down the lazy river. I hopped up on the tube and laid down in it and put my daughter on my belly. I didn't even give it a second thought...I just did it. As we started flowing down the river, I noticed this very large man behind me trying to climb in the tube like I did. Well, he tried over and over and over again. He didn't make it and eventually tried to stick his body in the donut hole part of the tube, but his body was too large. It made me sad that he was struggling. He eventually gave up and just walked the tube and himself down the river until the end. It was at that point that I realized that would have been me struggling, probably feeling embarrassed. I was very appreciative of my progress.
 
I am very proud of my 80 pound loss! I even more proud of myself that I go to the gym 6 days a week and can do 90 minutes of straight intense cardio. I used to think to myself, "why is everyone losing faster? Why are those people who don't exercise losing faster than me? or those who are older or weigh less than me losing faster?"
 
Now, I am truly at peace with my pace of loss. The scale does not reflect the muscle I have built. The scale does not show how much strength I have gained. The scale does not measure my progress.
 
The scale is an instrument affected by so many factors! It is affected by the slant of the floor, my sodium intake, my time of month, inflammation, water intake, water loss, female hormones. I think it is funny that I depend on an instrument that is so unreliable.

16 days post op.
 
I've been eating real food (soft) for 2 days and I'm feeling better, a bit more energy. I'm learning to 'read' my new stomach for the new full feeling. UGH! I'm only able to eat about 1/4 of a cup of food at this point.
 
Here's what I've had so far:
one egg with Franks hot sauce
1/4 of mushed, ripe banana
refried, black beans with taco sauce
mushed avocado
humus
canned pears
cottage cheese
sliced deli ham
sugar free Carnation instant good start with skim milk
 
It's so wonderful to move away from the overly sweet crap. I never knew how much I love savory foods with flavor.
 
One big disappointment I'm having is that the bathroom situation has not returned to normal yet. Maybe someday - sigh.
 
I've lost 16 lbs since the surgery - about 1 lb a day. My belly still has some swelling, so I only notice the weight loss in my face, but dear husband says he can tell I'm losing everywhere. I've lost 35 lbs since my heaviest weight. I had my first picture taken yesterday (for the swim pass) and WOW, I can see the difference already. HOORAY!
 
I've passed the point of feeling "why the hell did I do this!" However, I'm realizing now that food is essential, not just for the yummy taste or comfort, etc. I need food - BUT I can't eat much of is, so I'm sort of frustrated. I also HATE the nasty liquid/chewable meds. JUST PUKEY! I'll be so excited when I get the go ahead to swallow a PILL! I can't imagine the lap-band people never being able to swallow another pill - forever.
 
This week-end we're traveling down to visit my folks at their lake home. It will be the first time they've seen me, and I'm excited and nervous. They've been nothing but supportive, but . . . parents.
 
Someone asked me to share the whole, ugly truth of my experience. I'm reticent to do so, because I don't want to scare anyone off, but reality is - **** happens. Soooo . . . my surgeon 'nicked' a blood vessel during surgery and I bled internally. My hemoglobins went critically low and I had to have two units of blood. Then I spiked a high fever and was given strong antibiotics for another day. So I was supposed to stay 2 nights, ended up staying 4 nights and my entire belly looks horrendous. Seriously 'zombified' and swollen. I've had to go into the dr. 2 times to make sure the hemoglobins are returning to normal - they are. I had low grade temps for the first week (with the cold sweats, shiver-shakes, and all.) So happy those are gone now. I would say I passed the 'hell' point on day 11 post op. I'm also so glad I'm doing this during the summer (I'm a teacher) because I really can't imagine going back to work next week. I really don't have the energy level back up to normal.
 
I'll post a new picture soon. I just hate that my belly is still so huge.

Today marks 3 weeks since surgery, and things are going quite well. I started my pre-op liver shrinking diet on 5/8/13, so I consider that my “start”. Since then I have lost 27.8 lbs, although my period started today so I’m probably good for another pound or two soon. I’m in the “soft foods” stage right now. I do feel restriction now! I also do feel hunger, although it is a reasonable hunger (not like the hunger I felt before all my life – THAT was unreasonable crazy and all-consuming hunger!). …..And once I have a few bites of good protein, my reasonable hunger is satisfied I love that.
I am eating things like cottage cheese, good quality lunch meat (chewed well), baked fish, ricotta, PB2, eggs, and protein shakes of course. For an obese girl I am a pretty healthy person –I love and have missed my fruits and veggies. So I bought a nutria-bullet! For those who haven’t seen the infomercial, it is a small blender type thing that is extremely powerful and will pulverize anything you put in it. So this week I have begun incorporating ‘green drinks’ into my daily routine. It has made a WORLD of difference in my energy level! You load it up with half dark green leafies, some avocado, and half fruit (covers the taste of the green leafies!) and add healthy nuts or dried goji berries (these get pulverized so it’s not bad for the sleeve!). The resulting smoothie is much better than jamba and no doubt much more healthy. I also add my protein powder and voila! I get my protein drink plus my fruits & veggies! I now feel much better that I am getting a good balanced diet.
I do 3 meals a day of a good protein, then 2 snacks in between of the green protein drinks, and I feel awesome. Sometimes for a late night snack I will mix up a tablespoon of PB2. Yum.
My nails are growing like crazy! I guess it’s the protein? I certainly don’t feel malnourished, even though my calories are still pretty low. I’m not losing all that crazy-fast, but it’s ok. I am losing. And I had wondered pre-surgery whether I would be a fast loser or a slow loser, and I have to say – both have good things about them. If I am indeed a slow loser, I believe my skin will be in better shape in the long run. I hope. I also have high hopes that my hair will not fall out if I am a slower loser. I also think that my colleagues and other people who don't know I had surgery will be less likely to try to get all in my business if I lose slowly, because it will be a more gradual change. The obvious benefit to being a fast loser is that you get to have the weight off faster!!! Since it;s summer time, that is really appealing. But I takes what I gets!
I have to say that all the months and months prior to surgery, time seemed to go by so quickly, and now time actually seems to go really slowly….because I know it’s just a matter of time until I lose a significant amount of weight. I am being a bit impatient in that way.
Oh! I must share this too – yesterday I decided to have one of those Morningstar farm breakfast sausages for lunch -- I'd been thinking about those for the whole time I was on liquids! I ate too quickly, and/or didn’t chew well enough, because OMG I had a really bad experience! It honestly felt like someone had punched me in the stomach, and I got really nauseas – although I never threw up. It. Really. Really. Sucked. Lesson learned. I guess we all go through that at least once, ya?
I think next on my agenda will be starting some more rigorous activity or even what could be called exercising So far I have just been hiking up the hill behind my house and back everyday. My dog loves it, because I am able to let her off leash. It’s maybe a mile round trip but it is an incline. The first few times I did it after surgery I was really going at a snail’s pace. But now I’m able to go at a pretty good clip. So it’s time to go farther I believe!
 
Onward!

I have struggled all my life with my weight. I was the chubby kid, the porkly pre-teen, the fat teenager and now I am a morbidly obese adult. Yikes that was a very strong sentence. Yes I had 3 yrs of my early adult life that I was just chubby which is only because I am short (5'3) and was actually happy with my weight and would enjoy shopping and looking nice but it was a short lived 3 yrs. I fell down a hill one evening and tore my ACL in my knee and had to have surgery. I ended up being in a cast from my hip to my ankle for 9 weeks. I wasn't able to do anything and started gaining weight. I went from 140 to 180 by the time the 9 weeks ended and felt sick. I had bills that had piled up due to not being able to work and got extremely stressed out with that. And by the time it was over I had to quit my current job because I couldn't stand for more then 30 mins at a time and get a desk job. You can only imagine what occured after that. My butt widened and my jean size kept going up. During this time I also met the man of my dreams and was happy, he moved in with me after 6months and we got engaged after 9months. I was too embarassed to work out in front of him and started going out all the time eating at fancy restaurants and seeing movies. He wasn't an active person never worked out and ate what ever he wanted, he was also 6'3 so he hid his weight well. Unfortunately his mother was a great baker too and made awesome desserts that melted in my mouth way too easily. By the time we got married 3 yrs later I was up to 230 and getting married in a size 22 dress. In the years following we started a family and had two beautiful girls. Of course through each pregnancy I held onto at least 20 lbs of my pregnancy weight. I had bad post-pardon depression after my second daughter and started eating late at night eating my way to 320 lbs ! I have attempted pretty much every diet known to man and some I succeeded with and some I didn't. I have spent tons of money on food delivery services and programs. Now age 34 I have decided to take the plunge and have Weight Loss Surgery- Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. I have been working really hard the past 6 months to re-program my thoughts and feel I am prepared for this. I started the actual journey on 12/10/2012 at 318 pounds. I have lost 18 as of today. I have been taking it slowly only because I have arthritis in my feet and my knee can't handle this weight and now my hip pops in and out of place at least once a week now. My surgery is on July 22nd and I am beyond excited , nervous and anxious. I am ready to become that healthy and happy woman, mother and wife that my family and I deserve to experience. I want to be a good role model to my kids and reverse the damage I have already caused with them. I want to teach them good food choices and be active with them so we can enjoy our lives!!!

I am a little over a week post-op and I am feeling great. The biggest change I feel is real strength around food. I was hardcore addicted and now my relationship with it feels so much closer to normal.
 
This weekend my father in law baked homemade cookies while I was visiting. He loves baking and in the past I would have obsessed over them. The smell, then my thoughts would be consumed with "Should I eat one? No, I'm too fat I need to stop...but I deserve one...everyone gets the have them why deprive myself?" Then I would go eat 5 or 6 and send the rest of the night feeling guilty and beat myself up. Certainly no way to live!
 
This weekend I smelled them an thought...oh that smells good. The end. No obsessing, no guilt...the cookies just rolled off my back. It is just so empowering. This really needs to stay. It freed my mind to think about life, family, the future etc... I am just thrilled I made this decision and need my strength to last.
 
Things are looking up!

I am a little over a week post-op and I am feeling great. The biggest change I feel is real strength around food. I was hardcore addicted and now my relationship with it feels so much closer to normal.
 
This weekend my father in law baked homemade cookies while I was visiting. He loves baking and in the past I would have obsessed over them. The smell, then my thoughts would be consumed with "Should I eat one? No, I'm too fat I need to stop...but I deserve one...everyone gets the have them why deprive myself?" Then I would go eat 5 or 6 and send the rest of the night feeling guilty and beat myself up. Certainly no way to live!
 
This weekend I smelled them an thought...oh that smells good. The end. No obsessing, no guilt...the cookies just rolled off my back. It is just so empowering. This really needs to stay. It freed my mind to think about life, family, the future etc... I am just thrilled I made this decision and need my strength to last.
 
Things are looking up!

I am celebrating 2 things today. First, I weighed in this morning and am now down 60 lbs! I weighed 214, down from 274. In not even 3 months! I can't believe it. Second, my doctor took me off of my blood pressure medication yesterday! This is huge! He had cut my dose in half a few weeks ago, and this visit was a follow-up to see how I was doing on the half dose. They took my blood pressure when I first got in, and it was 120/70. He was happy with that and was willing to keep me going on the half dose for now, until I mentioned that I've been getting light-headed when playing the trumpet while standing up. He had me stand up to take my blood pressure, and it was 108/70. So he told me to go ahead and stop taking it. He wants to see me again in another 3 weeks to see how I'm doing off of it.

It is official, 85 percent of my stomach is gone. It's hard to wrap my mind around that. To walk through some some events of my hospital stay. 5/22 I went and got a new haircut and my legs and brows waxed. Then went home and drank the horrible bowel cleaning drink and waited. I felt bad the rest of the day and received a call that my surgery time had moved up, I needed to check in at 5:30 am. I fell asleep easily and my parents drove me to the hospital on time. Checked in, was weighted in, answered some questions and the IV was started. I met a slew of nurses, doctors, my surgeon and quickly enough I was in the operating room. I remember only a sliver of that room then I was waking up. I just said pain and nausea and quickly feel asleep again. I guess my potassium levels were too low and they started potassium through the IV. It still burns just thinking about it. Then I fully woke up and remember everything around 1pm. I got to my room, it was private thank goodness. My parents were in there worrying about the delay. My mom is a nurse and has seen it all, but just the potassium was holding me up. Then quickly the nausea set in. Horrible, listless feeling I wouldn't wish on enemies. I didn't realize the nausea the directly linked to my pain meds. I rarely take any pain meds and just couldn't handle them. My husband visited that night and I remember him just holding my hand while I drifted off to sleep to soothing music. I really love that man!
Next day more potassium burning, nausea, a change of pain meds, and swallow test. When my nurse walked in and said I didn't have any leaks I lost it and started balling. I had no clue how worried I was about that. I just felt like I had too much nausea not to have a leak, so to hear I would be taken off of IV pain meds and some of the machines I was so releaved. One more step closer to freedom! That night my IV site was burning that I rang my light at 3am asking for a new one. By 4am and a few tries I had a new far less painful site. They gave me some benedryl to sleep and let me go to 9am!
All that was left was the need to pass gas, then I could go home! And I woke up and tooted, again happiness. I told the nurses immediately and they were pumped for me. Unfortunately my blood work came back with low magnesium and potassium. Fortunately I only needed the magnesium through the IV and to drink the horrible potassium. I kept telling myself this was better then a burning vein and powered through. By 3:30 my mom was taking me home.
 
I want to tell others that your pain meds may be linked to the nausea.
Walk as soon as possible. I was up and moving as soon as I hit my private room. The gas will come out far more quickly.
 
This is the first time I have had the mind and focus to read, go online, watch tv or even talk. It took a lot out of me, but if it helps me get this damn weight off it will be worth it. The memories of pain are quickly fading. I really hope to see the scale move down fast!

Hi. My name is Liz and I was born, raised and live in the Chicago burbs. My story seems similar to those I have read here on this forum...I have battled with my weight for as long as I can remember. When I was 13 I remember crying b/c I couldn't fit into anything in the juniors section. Even back then I thought "When was I a size 6? Was it for 4 days in the third grade??" I have done Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers losing a good amount but always gaining back more over time.
 
April 2011 my wonderful son Julien was born (despite my battles with PCOS I had him naturally) but after I had him the pounds just added it quickly. I went in for a physical in October 2012 and was floored when the scale said 295! It was my rock bottom, I knew I needed to make some BIG changes.
 
My surgery is set for May 23rd. Last week I finished all my pre-surgical testing and today I start my 15 day pre-op diet. I can only drink protein drinks and clear liquids for the next 14 days. Today I had a chocolate strawberry shake for breakfast, a root-beer float shake for lunch, and a coffee/mocha shake for dinner. I was pretty impressed with my creations - all slightly different recipes the office provided me when I purchased the shake powder. I also had two mugs of low sodium chicken broth and 2 sugar free Popsicles.
 
I made my husband eat dinner out tonight b/c I knew I couldn't handle watching him eat in front of me. I was pretty strong all day, and I wasn't up for ending the night on a low note. I had to feed my son his dinner but I wasn't tempted at all. There is half a banana calling my name in the kitchen, but I'll blend it in with my morning shake tomorrow.
 
I'm trying to focus on how this is my choice. Back when I would do other diets I would say things like "I can't eat that." And feel that I was denying myself. Now I say "I can eat that, but I choose not to." I like how that gives me the control.
 
Well, one day almost done with 14 more to go. Staying strong and in control...
 
--Liz

Today was day 6 of my all liquid pre-op diet. I am supposed to drink 3-4 "Bariatric Advantage" shakes a day. I can also eat anything from the clear liquids list - broth has been my savior. The shakes have killed my appetite. I barely had one today. I drink plenty of water and broth but I'm worried about straight starving myself.
 
I haven't really heard that many people struggling with this part very much. I'm feeling alone. I'm proud that I haven't cheated at all, but I'm really hoping I'm not damaging myself. If my body goes into starvation I may not lose. I guess I'll talk to my surgeon tomorrow. Only 7 days away...seems strange.
 
I will just take it one day at a time and one shake at a time. What else can I do?

It is official, 85 percent of my stomach is gone. It's hard to wrap my mind around that. To walk through some some events of my hospital stay. 5/22 I went and got a new haircut and my legs and brows waxed. Then went home and drank the horrible bowel cleaning drink and waited. I felt bad the rest of the day and received a call that my surgery time had moved up, I needed to check in at 5:30 am. I fell asleep easily and my parents drove me to the hospital on time. Checked in, was weighted in, answered some questions and the IV was started. I met a slew of nurses, doctors, my surgeon and quickly enough I was in the operating room. I remember only a sliver of that room then I was waking up. I just said pain and nausea and quickly feel asleep again. I guess my potassium levels were too low and they started potassium through the IV. It still burns just thinking about it. Then I fully woke up and remember everything around 1pm. I got to my room, it was private thank goodness. My parents were in there worrying about the delay. My mom is a nurse and has seen it all, but just the potassium was holding me up. Then quickly the nausea set in. Horrible, listless feeling I wouldn't wish on enemies. I didn't realize the nausea the directly linked to my pain meds. I rarely take any pain meds and just couldn't handle them. My husband visited that night and I remember him just holding my hand while I drifted off to sleep to soothing music. I really love that man!
Next day more potassium burning, nausea, a change of pain meds, and swallow test. When my nurse walked in and said I didn't have any leaks I lost it and started balling. I had no clue how worried I was about that. I just felt like I had too much nausea not to have a leak, so to hear I would be taken off of IV pain meds and some of the machines I was so releaved. One more step closer to freedom! That night my IV site was burning that I rang my light at 3am asking for a new one. By 4am and a few tries I had a new far less painful site. They gave me some benedryl to sleep and let me go to 9am!
All that was left was the need to pass gas, then I could go home! And I woke up and tooted, again happiness. I told the nurses immediately and they were pumped for me. Unfortunately my blood work came back with low magnesium and potassium. Fortunately I only needed the magnesium through the IV and to drink the horrible potassium. I kept telling myself this was better then a burning vein and powered through. By 3:30 my mom was taking me home.
 
I want to tell others that your pain meds may be linked to the nausea.
Walk as soon as possible. I was up and moving as soon as I hit my private room. The gas will come out far more quickly.
 
This is the first time I have had the mind and focus to read, go online, watch tv or even talk. It took a lot out of me, but if it helps me get this damn weight off it will be worth it. The memories of pain are quickly fading. I really hope to see the scale move down fast!

It is official, 85 percent of my stomach is gone. It's hard to wrap my mind around that. To walk through some some events of my hospital stay. 5/22 I went and got a new haircut and my legs and brows waxed. Then went home and drank the horrible bowel cleaning drink and waited. I felt bad the rest of the day and received a call that my surgery time had moved up, I needed to check in at 5:30 am. I fell asleep easily and my parents drove me to the hospital on time. Checked in, was weighted in, answered some questions and the IV was started. I met a slew of nurses, doctors, my surgeon and quickly enough I was in the operating room. I remember only a sliver of that room then I was waking up. I just said pain and nausea and quickly feel asleep again. I guess my potassium levels were too low and they started potassium through the IV. It still burns just thinking about it. Then I fully woke up and remember everything around 1pm. I got to my room, it was private thank goodness. My parents were in there worrying about the delay. My mom is a nurse and has seen it all, but just the potassium was holding me up. Then quickly the nausea set in. Horrible, listless feeling I wouldn't wish on enemies. I didn't realize the nausea the directly linked to my pain meds. I rarely take any pain meds and just couldn't handle them. My husband visited that night and I remember him just holding my hand while I drifted off to sleep to soothing music. I really love that man!
Next day more potassium burning, nausea, a change of pain meds, and swallow test. When my nurse walked in and said I didn't have any leaks I lost it and started balling. I had no clue how worried I was about that. I just felt like I had too much nausea not to have a leak, so to hear I would be taken off of IV pain meds and some of the machines I was so releaved. One more step closer to freedom! That night my IV site was burning that I rang my light at 3am asking for a new one. By 4am and a few tries I had a new far less painful site. They gave me some benedryl to sleep and let me go to 9am!
All that was left was the need to pass gas, then I could go home! And I woke up and tooted, again happiness. I told the nurses immediately and they were pumped for me. Unfortunately my blood work came back with low magnesium and potassium. Fortunately I only needed the magnesium through the IV and to drink the horrible potassium. I kept telling myself this was better then a burning vein and powered through. By 3:30 my mom was taking me home.
 
I want to tell others that your pain meds may be linked to the nausea.
Walk as soon as possible. I was up and moving as soon as I hit my private room. The gas will come out far more quickly.
 
This is the first time I have had the mind and focus to read, go online, watch tv or even talk. It took a lot out of me, but if it helps me get this damn weight off it will be worth it. The memories of pain are quickly fading. I really hope to see the scale move down fast!

It is official, 85 percent of my stomach is gone. It's hard to wrap my mind around that. To walk through some some events of my hospital stay. 5/22 I went and got a new haircut and my legs and brows waxed. Then went home and drank the horrible bowel cleaning drink and waited. I felt bad the rest of the day and received a call that my surgery time had moved up, I needed to check in at 5:30 am. I fell asleep easily and my parents drove me to the hospital on time. Checked in, was weighted in, answered some questions and the IV was started. I met a slew of nurses, doctors, my surgeon and quickly enough I was in the operating room. I remember only a sliver of that room then I was waking up. I just said pain and nausea and quickly feel asleep again. I guess my potassium levels were too low and they started potassium through the IV. It still burns just thinking about it. Then I fully woke up and remember everything around 1pm. I got to my room, it was private thank goodness. My parents were in there worrying about the delay. My mom is a nurse and has seen it all, but just the potassium was holding me up. Then quickly the nausea set in. Horrible, listless feeling I wouldn't wish on enemies. I didn't realize the nausea the directly linked to my pain meds. I rarely take any pain meds and just couldn't handle them. My husband visited that night and I remember him just holding my hand while I drifted off to sleep to soothing music. I really love that man!
Next day more potassium burning, nausea, a change of pain meds, and swallow test. When my nurse walked in and said I didn't have any leaks I lost it and started balling. I had no clue how worried I was about that. I just felt like I had too much nausea not to have a leak, so to hear I would be taken off of IV pain meds and some of the machines I was so releaved. One more step closer to freedom! That night my IV site was burning that I rang my light at 3am asking for a new one. By 4am and a few tries I had a new far less painful site. They gave me some benedryl to sleep and let me go to 9am!
All that was left was the need to pass gas, then I could go home! And I woke up and tooted, again happiness. I told the nurses immediately and they were pumped for me. Unfortunately my blood work came back with low magnesium and potassium. Fortunately I only needed the magnesium through the IV and to drink the horrible potassium. I kept telling myself this was better then a burning vein and powered through. By 3:30 my mom was taking me home.
 
I want to tell others that your pain meds may be linked to the nausea.
Walk as soon as possible. I was up and moving as soon as I hit my private room. The gas will come out far more quickly.
 
This is the first time I have had the mind and focus to read, go online, watch tv or even talk. It took a lot out of me, but if it helps me get this damn weight off it will be worth it. The memories of pain are quickly fading. I really hope to see the scale move down fast!

I'm going to lay out some thoughts I've been having. My intent is not to minimize the experience of anyone else, but simply to offer my own thoughts and beliefs. I know this journey is different for all of us, but I am always saddened when I see a post about how a pre-op person can't wait to "be skinny" or "look hot" or "feel good about myself again". Skinny does not equal happy. Skinny does not equal hot. Skinny does not equal feeling good about ourselves. There are just as many skinny people who are unhappy, unattractive, and down on themselves as fat people. Happiness, feeling attractive, and feeling good about oneself are characteristics generated from within, not without.
 
A few years ago, at a very low point in my life, happiness seemed to me like a foreign concept. I could not remember the last time I had felt genuinely joyous or happy about anything. Intellectually, I knew that there were many things in my life that were desirable. I had a good job, a comfortable house, a dependable car, some money in the bank, food in the fridge, etc. But despite these things, I was unhappy. Now, I had good reasons to be unhappy, or so I thought. My marriage was failing, I was coming to grips with the fact that I would never be a mother, I wanted desperately to change my life but felt completely stuck, and so on. I remember reading somewhere that happy is a verb...it's an action, not a passive condition. I began to wonder...if I truly felt that there was no spark of happiness or joy in my life, who's fault was that? Who was responsible for my happiness? The answer, of course, is me. I was failing myself. I was not loving myself, or being kind to myself.
 
I decided that if happy was an action, I was going to try and exercise my happy muscle. I was going to try and find one thing to feel happy about for a few minutes every day. My goal was 3-5 minutes a day of active happiness. I thought that would be super easy. After all, I had been able to identify good things in my life, so how hard could it be to think about them for a couple of minutes every day? Well, it was actually harder than I expected, but I stuck with it. I had to set a timer in the beginning, but I made myself do it every single day. Gradually, I noticed it got easier. Some days all I could come up with was something like the weather, or the fact that my bills were paid on time, but damn it...if that was all I had, then I was damn well going to focus on it & feel happy for 3 freakin' minutes.
 
I eventually began to notice that I felt happier overall. I'm not sure why, because by this time I was just divorced and trying to figure out dating at 270 lbs & maintaining my new house, etc, but regardless, I felt happier. After meeting the man who has become my 2nd husband, he said that one of the things that attracted him to me was that I always seemed happy. I'm not saying that this is somehow a magic bullet against bad stuff happening, but holding happiness in my mind for a few minutes every day helps me to deal with the inevitable downs of life. It seems to me that consciously taking time to feel happy each day has somehow made a state of happiness more accessible in my brain.
 
It's been almost 7 years since I began my happiness quest, and I can honestly say I feel happier today than I ever have in my life. To quote Charlotte in the Sex and The City movie, "I feel happy every day. Not all day every day, but every day I feel happy." In choosing to have the sleeve, I absolutely do not expect it to make me happy, because I'm already happy. I feel pretty good about myself today, this minute, at 300+ lbs. Yes, there are things I want to do, but I can't right now. Yes, I have pain every day & difficulty walking, but I still feel good about who I am and what I have to offer in my small corner of the world. I am aware that I am probably judged negatively by some people because of my weight, but I don't even really notice that. Today, I find it so much easier to find things in my life that make me genuinely happy. I am definitely looking forward to weighing less and seeing an improvement in my mobility, but I don't think it will make me somehow better or more acceptable or a more worthy person. I am enough, right now, just as I am. We all are, and we are all so very precious. Today, right now, at this very moment, we are beautiful, and we are valuable, and we are enough. I believe that with all my heart, and I hope you do, too.

Hi. My name is Liz and I was born, raised and live in the Chicago burbs. My story seems similar to those I have read here on this forum...I have battled with my weight for as long as I can remember. When I was 13 I remember crying b/c I couldn't fit into anything in the juniors section. Even back then I thought "When was I a size 6? Was it for 4 days in the third grade??" I have done Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers losing a good amount but always gaining back more over time.
 
April 2011 my wonderful son Julien was born (despite my battles with PCOS I had him naturally) but after I had him the pounds just added it quickly. I went in for a physical in October 2012 and was floored when the scale said 295! It was my rock bottom, I knew I needed to make some BIG changes.
 
My surgery is set for May 23rd. Last week I finished all my pre-surgical testing and today I start my 15 day pre-op diet. I can only drink protein drinks and clear liquids for the next 14 days. Today I had a chocolate strawberry shake for breakfast, a root-beer float shake for lunch, and a coffee/mocha shake for dinner. I was pretty impressed with my creations - all slightly different recipes the office provided me when I purchased the shake powder. I also had two mugs of low sodium chicken broth and 2 sugar free Popsicles.
 
I made my husband eat dinner out tonight b/c I knew I couldn't handle watching him eat in front of me. I was pretty strong all day, and I wasn't up for ending the night on a low note. I had to feed my son his dinner but I wasn't tempted at all. There is half a banana calling my name in the kitchen, but I'll blend it in with my morning shake tomorrow.
 
I'm trying to focus on how this is my choice. Back when I would do other diets I would say things like "I can't eat that." And feel that I was denying myself. Now I say "I can eat that, but I choose not to." I like how that gives me the control.
 
Well, one day almost done with 14 more to go. Staying strong and in control...
 
--Liz

Hi. My name is Liz and I was born, raised and live in the Chicago burbs. My story seems similar to those I have read here on this forum...I have battled with my weight for as long as I can remember. When I was 13 I remember crying b/c I couldn't fit into anything in the juniors section. Even back then I thought "When was I a size 6? Was it for 4 days in the third grade??" I have done Jenny Craig and Weight Watchers losing a good amount but always gaining back more over time.
 
April 2011 my wonderful son Julien was born (despite my battles with PCOS I had him naturally) but after I had him the pounds just added it quickly. I went in for a physical in October 2012 and was floored when the scale said 295! It was my rock bottom, I knew I needed to make some BIG changes.
 
My surgery is set for May 23rd. Last week I finished all my pre-surgical testing and today I start my 15 day pre-op diet. I can only drink protein drinks and clear liquids for the next 14 days. Today I had a chocolate strawberry shake for breakfast, a root-beer float shake for lunch, and a coffee/mocha shake for dinner. I was pretty impressed with my creations - all slightly different recipes the office provided me when I purchased the shake powder. I also had two mugs of low sodium chicken broth and 2 sugar free Popsicles.
 
I made my husband eat dinner out tonight b/c I knew I couldn't handle watching him eat in front of me. I was pretty strong all day, and I wasn't up for ending the night on a low note. I had to feed my son his dinner but I wasn't tempted at all. There is half a banana calling my name in the kitchen, but I'll blend it in with my morning shake tomorrow.
 
I'm trying to focus on how this is my choice. Back when I would do other diets I would say things like "I can't eat that." And feel that I was denying myself. Now I say "I can eat that, but I choose not to." I like how that gives me the control.
 
Well, one day almost done with 14 more to go. Staying strong and in control...
 
--Liz

I am almost at my one year mark. I really can not believe how much I have accomplished!! I am so much stronger, wiser and in control. Not only with my eating but with my life as a whole. My confidence is through the roof, my whole outlook on life and the way I approach life is different. Who knew taking control over my eating, would not only improve my health, but my life?!
 
I wish a year form now, this feeling stays the same. I wish all the good habits that I have picked up during this first year, will stay with me forever.

Okay, so you know how sometimes you're ambling (or sashaying) through your life when all of a sudden something comes out of left field and blindsides you and you're left sitting on your butt with cartoon tweety birds flying around your head? Yeah, that's me. I realized something today. I am legitimately scared of being skinny. Weird, isn't it? Now don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic about how far I've come in 11 months. This is so NOT a complaint. Yet at the same time I realized that I'm only 30 itty bitty pounds away from my goal. I've wanted to be skinny and healthy for over a decade....and it's practically here. And I am scared out of my ever lovin' mind about that! I was talking to my mom and I made some off-hand joke about being plumptuous...and she said that I didn't qualify anymore. I wasn't 'chubby', 'thick', 'plump' or anything else. You could have knocked me over with a feather I was so surprised. I look at me and I still see a muffin top...apparently other people look at me and see someone who looks normal. I really think that 2/3 of the battle after this surgery isn't actually the weight loss...it's the mind/body disconnect that occurs. Just when I feel like I've finally gotten a handle on it, I'm hit again with how things are different. Again, this is NOT a complaint, merely an observation. I feel...well, uncomfortable isn't the right word. Perhaps uneasy? Restless? A conglomeration of all of the above words? Maybe 'growing pains' (no pun intended. Maybe I should call it 'shrinking pains'?) would be best. I'm finally coming out of my shell and slowly building the life that I want to live. At the same time there was something so easy about being able to blame my weight for the lack that I felt in my life. Now I have no security blanket and it's time to grow up and pull on my (stylishly awesome) big girl panties and kick a little butt. I feel so much is changing and I have the feeling that I'm standing on the edge of a precipice and that the next year is going to be wild, crazy, and will dramatically shift the direction of my life. Scared? Yes. Excited? HELL yes. Nervous? Well...a lady has to keep some secrets, yes? *wicked grin*