Nate74

I agree with you and find myself forgiving daily. I pray for my ex that she finds peace and god. I have since discovered from my original post the affairs have been going on since before i was engaged but i still forgive and just trying to move on with my life for me and my two daughters. I have attended divorce care twice through my church and going through my second time of single and parenting. I know only through god's grace that allows me to forgive her even if I'll never understand. I believe the one thing that helped me get past it all was recently when i told her how i felt about it all knowing it went on deaf ears but it was for my peace of mind to get it out. Thank you all for your words of wisdom.

I agree with you and find myself forgiving daily. I pray for my ex that she finds peace and god. I have since discovered from my original post the affairs have been going on since before i was engaged but i still forgive and just trying to move on with my life for me and my two daughters. I have attended divorce care twice through my church and going through my second time of single and parenting. I know only through god's grace that allows me to forgive her even if I'll never understand. I believe the one thing that helped me get past it all was recently when i told her how i felt about it all knowing it went on deaf ears but it was for my peace of mind to get it out. Thank you all for your words of wisdom.

I hate to put it this way but you have already cheated. if you have crossed the line but stopped short of bumping uglies as you put it that's cheating. If your Man said the same would you not consider it cheating? If you want to give into the temptation have enough respect to just leave. My wife gave into that temptation and it it feels like it is killing me and it all started cause she started to cross the line but stopped short but eventually crossed that line. I would have had more respect for her if she left. no one deserves that kind of betrayal no matter what if your not happy leave don't disrespect someone when you wouldn't be ok with the same disrespect.

I hate to put it this way but you have already cheated. if you have crossed the line but stopped short of bumping uglies as you put it that's cheating. If your Man said the same would you not consider it cheating? If you want to give into the temptation have enough respect to just leave. My wife gave into that temptation and it it feels like it is killing me and it all started cause she started to cross the line but stopped short but eventually crossed that line. I would have had more respect for her if she left. no one deserves that kind of betrayal no matter what if your not happy leave don't disrespect someone when you wouldn't be ok with the same disrespect.

I hear what your saying and i struggle with this everyday. I continue to pray about it and ask for strength i belive i have truly forgiven but i'm struggling to forget. I try to force the thoughts out to not feel the pain and sometimes i find i am at peace with it but i find i'll see something or hear something that brings the feelings back. I try to do the opposite of what i'm feeling and it helps but i wonder if i'll be able to truly forget. I don't think there is an easy way to do this but i thought maybe i'd ask your opinion on how you handle forgetting. I'm sure it will take time as my pain is very recent but i just keep trying. I'm also very scared that as i find myself changing within myself i kee having stronger feelings for this person and it scares me that i will get hurt 10 times worse. I know it's wrong to feel that way and i try to give it to god and believe that it is for a purpose but i have to admit it really scares me.

My now ex husband and I both had surgery 6months apart. He had his first. We divorced about a year later because we realized as smaller people we did not have the same common interests and while he was loosing weight because he had his surgery before mine he met a woman who did share those things with. It was a tough situation but overall for the best.

I have read many responses here that say Forgive but don't forget...and I think that is where we keep holding on to the hurt and maybe even making it worse then the actual offense.
Yes there is a lesson here, but there are lessons everywhere in good things as well as bad. When you forgive someone for something you need to forget about it to move on. If you keep telling yourself that you have forgiven but you have not forgotten have you truly forgiven?
It's impossible because somewhere you are still remembering and harboring the feelings of hurt and pain. They may be buried deep down among the piles of forgiveness you have covered it with but it is still there festering like the potato in the pocket someone wrote about because you have not forgotten.
When we truly forgive and forget we are able to let go of the hurt. We are able to dissociate ourselves from the bad feelings about or toward that person; that behavior or ourselves. It becomes part of our past. We have learned and we have grown stronger in the experience of it. That does not mean that we need to keep harboring the thoughts of it to learn our lesson. If you refuse to forget you are still nailing yourself and your loved one to that proverbial cross every time you revisit it and experiencing the pain of it over and over again.
If you take this saying literally Forgive & Forget here are the definitions of both words.
Forgive:
To give up resentment against or stop wanting to punish (someone) for an offense or fault; pardon.
Forget:
To treat with thoughtless inattention; To banish from one's thoughts.
Makes sense doesn't' it?
It is in this way that we are removed of the burden that causes us to feel guilty or ill willed about an event or behavior that we have experienced. We can never un-live or un-learn it but we can choose to forgive, let go and forget.
Of course this is much easier said then done In forgetting we are relinquishing our need for control of ourselves and others.
I like this saying also when it comes to forgetting and letting go...when all else fails. Let go and Let God.
Give it over to a higher power, (what ever that is in your life) take a deep breath and know that you have done your best.

@MyBariatricLife like you i feel like i have similar struggles. mine was recently and even though i have forgiven as hard as that was to say at the time i wasn't sure i belived it fully when i said it. I found that even though i wasn't sure i started to find peace. even when i found out more information recently that just brought a lot of the pain back i still forgave. I keep praying about it and i find myself changing and i like the changes within myself. Everytime i find myself thinking negative thoughts i will give a hug or do something unselfish for her. The more i do i find myself changing for the better. I know its not exactly deserving but i feel god has put it in my heart to do this and i continue to pray for strength. I too sometime question if i have truly forgiven as i have thoughts of getting even or pulling away but again i pray and work through it. I feel that the response to it is not there and i feel like i'm being punished for a choice i didn't make but i just keep trying as a quote i put on my desktop recently that states to be christian means to forgive the inexcusble because god has forgiven the inexcusable in you. I keep trying but i find myself sometimes having anger, pain, revenge feelings return. How do you deal with the feelings? i just keep trying to pray and give as much love as i possibly can even though it scares me to do so.

@@Nate74 I am very happy for you and admire your commitment to Self. I was very fortunate to have a Spiritual Guide help me on my path. Some of the things he told me:
Use your words only to lift people up (Mom told me that one, too)
Love even when it doesn't make sense
It is an opportunity to grow. What have I learned from this life lesson?
Its not my job to fix the other person
When negative thoughts arise say, "No! I refuse to accept these thoughts!"
And he always encouraged me to pray
Something I read in class tonight is that you may do good things in this lifetime and not receive the benefit/rewards of that in this lifetime (I am paraphrasing).
My personal experience is that just like building muscle by working out at the gym, or building a skill such as piano playing through lessons, that this too takes practice to master our emotions so that we are acting through love always. I was just put to the test yesterday and it was natural this time around to keep my emotions under control in a situation that was very painful. I did my best to bring love and harmony to restore peace but it seems I did not accomplish that. And although I'd like it to have turned out differently, I have to resist to try and fix it any further (that would be forcing my will upon someone), and let it be in G-d's hands now.
I read this today, "Non-interference is the most important spiritual law in the universe. Interference is when you deliberately try to control another’s life... If you’re not interfering with others, you can focus on living your own life... Are you trying to fix them, and how exactly are you going to do that? Whom have you ever fixed? It would be more important to ask yourself why you need to solve another’s problems. It’s amazing, when you leave people alone, they like it. This is the understanding of the spiritual law of harmony— non-interference."
Keep up the good work!

sometimes i feel if i was a little more controlling and not so trusting my wife of 14 years wouldn't have had multiple affairs. i fully trusted her and i was repayed with being lied to and she fully admits had i not found some information on my own she wouldn't have told me but is upset on how i found out. Even with all of this i was willing to work things out but i'm starting to realize it is one sided which tells me it will happen again. i'm not perfect but i was totally supportive as we did it together. Even when people said how can you be ok with her going out with friends i didn't want to be that controlling person and i trusted her and this is what happened i ask what do you say to that?

I was open about it with everyone from the start. Of course some people were ohh you don't need it you should just go on a diet and excersice. But i was open about it for a few reasons. one i'm the type of person that i don't really care what other people think as i did this for me and my family. My wife had her sleeve a week after me. Second there are many people out there that don't know much about the process and maybe have only heard from people that haven't experienced the process and might be steered away from doing it for themselves. I know my wife and i have inspired a few people to start their own journey by being open about everything. We went to an event for our surgergeons office and met acouple that decided to start their journey based on our story on the surgeons web page. for us this is why were open about our journeys. If we can help anyone start their new life and journey it is worth all the ignorant comments and stupid stereotypes we hear. which is not very many really anymore as were both over 2 years out and some people have never known us bigger. i understand why keeping it secret though don't misunderstand we have a friend that still doesn't tel many people but i find usually it is harder for women as they tend to be judged harsher by other women and then some tend to get jealous when they become smaller than their friends. my wife has lost a few friends that way.

my fav one is... "your husband must be all over you".... my answer now is "Why because he was repulsed by me before?" and just stand there & wait for them to correct their statment. I dont know why this one comment bugs me.

Just wanted to share this. Today i was at the store and they had catfish nuggets on sale so i bought a package of them. We can't eat fried so i went online and found this recipe i just tried and it was excellent. It's baked not fried and there is no breading. i doubled the amount of catfish as i was making it for my wife too (she was sleeved the week after me) but i kept the rest the same. I also used can't believe it's not butter and i realize you can probably get away with 2 or 3oz as with the lemon juice and dry white wine there is plenty of sauce for 4 nuggets. i didn't use salt or cilantro. it was really good and flavorful and depending on oven 12 minutes was perfect for mine it came out tender falling off the fork good. play with it make your own but where i got it from it got real good reviews so i tried it and i wasn't disappointed.
Enjoy
Ingredients
2 (7 to 8-ounce) catfish fillets
4 ounces butter
4 ounces dry white wine
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 teaspoon finely chopped garlic
1 teaspoon chopped cilantro
Salt to taste
Pepper to taste
Paprika
Directions
Season fish with salt and pepper. Place fish in oval casserole dish. Melt 4 ounces butter in small sauce pan. Add wine and remaining ingredients, except the paprika. Simmer about 2 minutes. Remove from heat and spoon over fish. Now sprinkle paprika over fish. Bake fish in 375 degree oven for 10 to 12 minutes, or until the fish is done.
Read more at: http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/baked-catfish-recipe/index.html?oc=linkback

I didn't think i would miss bread but i do i still have it just in small amounts i will say it will be a while before you can handle a decent amount. I'm 13 months out and i can have about half to a whole piece of toast. My wife can eat about a whole to sometimes a piece and a half everyone is diff. The thing i miss that i didn't think i would was bread on a cheesburger or a sandwich if i do that it's more like 2 bites and i'm done

i'm guessing every DR is different as i stopped taking mine 3 weeks after surgery as it put me in hospital as i was on highest dose of all my meds including cholestorol which i found out they didn't even prescribe that high anymore. i just stopped taking without any issues right after surgery when i tried taking it put me in hospital with low blood pressure. Congratulations Though it is a good feeling to get off all the meds

First off congrats on the 136 lbs down that's a big accomplishment don't forget that. that being said your body needs time to adjust to the loss. at about six months i sat at the same eight for about 1-1/2 months . then started loosing again even though i didn't want to. I wouldn't gp by the BMI charts as there inaccurate as it currentlly says i'm 20 which is wrong as i'm 6'3 170 and at 205 out of bootcamp was 16 so i wouldn't put too much faith in charts. even when the scale doesn't show it ur body is still changing. try this take a pic of urself andthen in week or two take another and compare i bet you will see a difference even if scale stays the same. we are always our own worse critics and we don't see it but take a pic and you can see. Good luck on your journey and like i said congrats on the big accomplishment 136lbs down in 7 months is really good i know ppl that are 1 and a half years out at 80lbs so don't be down on urself everyone looses diff. btw my wife was sleeved a week after me and she was all about the bmi number as well so i understand she just now reached the 25% and she is all excited according to the chart even though i've been teling her for months that their wrong

I had to stop my weight loss on my own. I'm in extra small shirts and size 0 pants. 5'2" and 116 lbs. If I didn't actively try to maintain, I could easily be in a double 0 pants by now (I'm embarrassed actually to say I have one pair of 00 pants!) I am eating 1500 calories right now and no exercise. I'm still slowing losing at 1500 so I'm not sure where I will land. But I'm afraid to start exercise back up because then I will firstly, lose more, and secondly, not really know what my calorie limit is if I do not exercise for a few days.

I understand about not wanting to post pics. I haven't wanted to post any on Facebook for fear of judgement not because i care all that much i just didn't want to see some of the negative comments. I understand it's different here as were all in this together but i just recently posted pics for the first time in a private weight loss group i joined on Facebook. I try to tell myself i'm not self conscious or at least that i was but i'm starting to realize maybe i was more than i wanted to admit.

I understand about not wanting to post pics. I haven't wanted to post any on Facebook for fear of judgement not because i care all that much i just didn't want to see some of the negative comments. I understand it's different here as were all in this together but i just recently posted pics for the first time in a private weight loss group i joined on Facebook. I try to tell myself i'm not self conscious or at least that i was but i'm starting to realize maybe i was more than i wanted to admit.

Congrats your gonna love it. We recently just we took the girls to the beach a few weeks ago for the first time since b4 surgery and we had a great time and we weren't self conscious about being in bathing suits. (My wife had the sleeve a week after me)

I understand but be proud that you made the decision to change the before. I don't have a smart phone but if you look at my profile you can see my before and after photo

Like I said, it was pretty scary for me to post these pics, but I have to say I wasn't prepard for how emotional it would make me to read the positive stuff. 39 lbs is not a lot compared to what some people have lost, and it's no where NEAR my goal weight, but it's the most I've lost in 20 years and it is SCARY. Knowing I can come here and not be the only one who feels that way, and feel safe is pretty amazing!
Thank you for the support!

I understand about not wanting to post pics. I haven't wanted to post any on Facebook for fear of judgement not because i care all that much i just didn't want to see some of the negative comments. I understand it's different here as were all in this together but i just recently posted pics for the first time in a private weight loss group i joined on Facebook. I try to tell myself i'm not self conscious or at least that i was but i'm starting to realize maybe i was more than i wanted to admit.

Well I had my 3rd scope on Monday July 29th. It go ally came back good, no ulcers Andy Iron level is higher! So Dr Kia finally gave me the okay for the surgery! Been a long road coming! Now just waiting on the office to call and give me my date! so stinking excited!!!