Momonanomo

Woo HOO!!
 
Today marks one year since surgery!! Wowser! I am down 106 lbs since the beginning of the 2 week pre-op diet, and 96 lbs since surgery itself. I am 100000% glad that I did it. No regrets whatsoever!
 
I still would like to at least lose another 15 lbs to put me at a “healthy weight” for my height. I’d really looove to reach an ultimate goal weight of minus another 34 lbs…..but I dunno if I can, or if I could, would I be too thin. I have been stalled for a couple of months now, but I will admit I have not done anything yet to shake things up and stop the stall. I think there was this combination of factors – late December, I got a depo shot (to cover me between taking an old iud out and putting a new one in), and I really think that triggered some serious appetite increase with the hormones. But I will NOT blame it all on external forces; I take responsibility for my actions. At that point I was a good 7 or 8 months out from surgery, so my stomach had become completely healed. Being completely healed meant I was reaching for a wider variety of food. I’m not saying I was pigging out, just that I had begun more going to the crackers & bread whereas prior to that, I did not. And is is SO true that those types of carbs just increase the desire for more. Protein First is the only way to really work this sleeve tool.
 
THEN, Life happened – as it has its way of doing. Not going to go into details, but it involved a family member, and it involved cancer. There such a short time between diagnosis and amputation, during which I ate whatever the hell I wanted. Granted, it was a noticeably different kind of pigging out than what I used to do back in the day. It wasn’t even really bingeing, but I certainly wasn’t even trying to eat mindfully. I did notice that not only did eating poorly not make me feel better, I physically felt like crap because of the sugar & carbs. You live you learn, you pay the price. So I gained 8 lbs.
 
Surgery 6 days ago went well, and my loved one is doing well, and we think this will be it and the cancer is gone. This past weekend I woke up to what I had been doing with my eating, and I’ve been doing Boot Camp diet (Protein First, veggie juicing, protein shakes, no bread/rice/pasta/ carbs, lots n lots of water), and I am happy to report 4 lbs are gone already. And I am ready to make a run for those last 15 lbs…or more, if can.
 
I’ve wondered what I would tell pre-surgery me if I had the chance to talk to her. Obviously I’d say – "do it!! It will be worth it!!" I’d also say "Good for you for doing this, it is scary, but you are brave. And it is what you want and need." …... I’ve never shared this with anyone: I have a very clear memory of the morning of surgery thinking “stomach, I hate you, you have caused me so much sorrow, and now I am going to have you mostly surgically removed. Thanks for nothing.” I liken it to the cancer that my loved one recently had amputated. The feeling was “get rid of it!” But my stomach surgery was voluntary, it was not emergency. I’m sad to say my feelings toward my stomach the morning of surgery, the stomach which I felt had betrayed me all my life by constantly torturing me with insatiable hunger, those were feelings of hate. Not the most positive thing in the world, eh? But it’s what I felt. I got over that, although I am still glad that the majority of that buggah is gone. I love my new tiny tummy. It suits me just fine. I just think it's kind of sad that I had to hate a part of my own body so much that I was willing to surgically remove the majority of it. I just need to remember to use this tool I have given myself, and to practice gratefulness, and to remember where I came from a year ago.
 
So! Today being my 1 year surgiversary, is a little bittersweet. I am SO incredibly happy to have lost 100+ lbs. I am a bit sad that I went backwards recently. But I’ve just got to dust myself off and go forward again!
 
And, because I am SUCH a Look-On-The-Bright-Side kind of gal, my contemplations have led me to believe that in a way, this little stall has actually been a good thing. I say this because I lost 100+ lbs with never really a stall. I had the week 3 thing we like to call a stall, but it was like for a single day – when you’ve lost so much every day after surgery and then you go a day or two without losing, you can get melodramatic. But my week after week trend has ALWAYS been down. I think I’ve been lucky. So my time finally came for a stall.
 
Also, having lost so much in less than a year, I was getting a lot of unwanted attention. I’ve kept my surgery to myself outside of a couple of close family members and my boss & 1 office mate. Other people at work started going all ga-ga on me when I finally started buying new clothes and they realized how much smaller I’ve gotten. I have been quite uncomfortable with all the attention. So I think slowing down a bit for a while will allow these people time to get over the novelty and get me out of the hot seat as far as answering questions.
 
Similarly, I think having this stall is a good way for my mind to (maybe? Hopefully?) catch up with my new body. Being body dysmorphic from losing a lot of weight quickly is very real, and a very weird thing to go through. I don’t even know how to describe it, except for that the general feeling is that I am still big. The specific feelings are like looking in a funhouse mirror or something at times. Or not being able to believe that I weighed 100 lbs more at one time. Pick up 100 lb weight. It’s heavy! Carrying that around 24/7 was hard. I am glad the weight is gone! So anyways, I am thinking that perhaps I need to be at this weight for a while to re-learn how I feel about my body. It’s been a few months, and I think the consensus between me, myself, and I is that I would like to lose at least another 15 lbs. So that is exactly what I’m going to do!
 
Onward!

Woo HOO!!
 
Today marks one year since surgery!! Wowser! I am down 106 lbs since the beginning of the 2 week pre-op diet, and 96 lbs since surgery itself. I am 100000% glad that I did it. No regrets whatsoever!
 
I still would like to at least lose another 15 lbs to put me at a “healthy weight” for my height. I’d really looove to reach an ultimate goal weight of minus another 34 lbs…..but I dunno if I can, or if I could, would I be too thin. I have been stalled for a couple of months now, but I will admit I have not done anything yet to shake things up and stop the stall. I think there was this combination of factors – late December, I got a depo shot (to cover me between taking an old iud out and putting a new one in), and I really think that triggered some serious appetite increase with the hormones. But I will NOT blame it all on external forces; I take responsibility for my actions. At that point I was a good 7 or 8 months out from surgery, so my stomach had become completely healed. Being completely healed meant I was reaching for a wider variety of food. I’m not saying I was pigging out, just that I had begun more going to the crackers & bread whereas prior to that, I did not. And is is SO true that those types of carbs just increase the desire for more. Protein First is the only way to really work this sleeve tool.
 
THEN, Life happened – as it has its way of doing. Not going to go into details, but it involved a family member, and it involved cancer. There such a short time between diagnosis and amputation, during which I ate whatever the hell I wanted. Granted, it was a noticeably different kind of pigging out than what I used to do back in the day. It wasn’t even really bingeing, but I certainly wasn’t even trying to eat mindfully. I did notice that not only did eating poorly not make me feel better, I physically felt like crap because of the sugar & carbs. You live you learn, you pay the price. So I gained 8 lbs.
 
Surgery 6 days ago went well, and my loved one is doing well, and we think this will be it and the cancer is gone. This past weekend I woke up to what I had been doing with my eating, and I’ve been doing Boot Camp diet (Protein First, veggie juicing, protein shakes, no bread/rice/pasta/ carbs, lots n lots of water), and I am happy to report 4 lbs are gone already. And I am ready to make a run for those last 15 lbs…or more, if can.
 
I’ve wondered what I would tell pre-surgery me if I had the chance to talk to her. Obviously I’d say – "do it!! It will be worth it!!" I’d also say "Good for you for doing this, it is scary, but you are brave. And it is what you want and need." …... I’ve never shared this with anyone: I have a very clear memory of the morning of surgery thinking “stomach, I hate you, you have caused me so much sorrow, and now I am going to have you mostly surgically removed. Thanks for nothing.” I liken it to the cancer that my loved one recently had amputated. The feeling was “get rid of it!” But my stomach surgery was voluntary, it was not emergency. I’m sad to say my feelings toward my stomach the morning of surgery, the stomach which I felt had betrayed me all my life by constantly torturing me with insatiable hunger, those were feelings of hate. Not the most positive thing in the world, eh? But it’s what I felt. I got over that, although I am still glad that the majority of that buggah is gone. I love my new tiny tummy. It suits me just fine. I just think it's kind of sad that I had to hate a part of my own body so much that I was willing to surgically remove the majority of it. I just need to remember to use this tool I have given myself, and to practice gratefulness, and to remember where I came from a year ago.
 
So! Today being my 1 year surgiversary, is a little bittersweet. I am SO incredibly happy to have lost 100+ lbs. I am a bit sad that I went backwards recently. But I’ve just got to dust myself off and go forward again!
 
And, because I am SUCH a Look-On-The-Bright-Side kind of gal, my contemplations have led me to believe that in a way, this little stall has actually been a good thing. I say this because I lost 100+ lbs with never really a stall. I had the week 3 thing we like to call a stall, but it was like for a single day – when you’ve lost so much every day after surgery and then you go a day or two without losing, you can get melodramatic. But my week after week trend has ALWAYS been down. I think I’ve been lucky. So my time finally came for a stall.
 
Also, having lost so much in less than a year, I was getting a lot of unwanted attention. I’ve kept my surgery to myself outside of a couple of close family members and my boss & 1 office mate. Other people at work started going all ga-ga on me when I finally started buying new clothes and they realized how much smaller I’ve gotten. I have been quite uncomfortable with all the attention. So I think slowing down a bit for a while will allow these people time to get over the novelty and get me out of the hot seat as far as answering questions.
 
Similarly, I think having this stall is a good way for my mind to (maybe? Hopefully?) catch up with my new body. Being body dysmorphic from losing a lot of weight quickly is very real, and a very weird thing to go through. I don’t even know how to describe it, except for that the general feeling is that I am still big. The specific feelings are like looking in a funhouse mirror or something at times. Or not being able to believe that I weighed 100 lbs more at one time. Pick up 100 lb weight. It’s heavy! Carrying that around 24/7 was hard. I am glad the weight is gone! So anyways, I am thinking that perhaps I need to be at this weight for a while to re-learn how I feel about my body. It’s been a few months, and I think the consensus between me, myself, and I is that I would like to lose at least another 15 lbs. So that is exactly what I’m going to do!
 
Onward!

Well Well Well..... It’s been 9 months (roughly) since I had my surgery on 5/22/13. That’s enough time to have gestated and given birth to a baby --- I am 105 lbs lighter. That would have been a really big baby! LOL
 
First – I will say -- the weight loss is slowing down, it is much more irregular. And, my eating is much more, shall we say, irregular as well. So it’s not the weight loss slowing down all on its own. I take some responsibility. I have gotten more lax in some ways. Still don’t eat very much in the way of bread, no rice, no pasta. Those things just no longer appeal to me. Which is – shocking! I never would have dreamed of that! And this will be my saving grace in the long run I bet. But I’ve had sweets here and there. And more cheese than I should have. Time to get a handle on that. I’m not in denial about it, and I have goals to reach so dammit I will do what it takes!
 
The weight loss began to slow a couple of months ago --- it was bound to happen and I expected it. I went all that time with no real stalls at any point. Funny thing is – I swear I lose a bunch in inches when the scale is NOT moving much. I’m sooooo glad I took my measurements and logged them into spark people way back in the beginning, because when the scale isn’t moving I can see that my circumference is getting smaller I have lost – gulp --- 15 inches off my waist and 14 inches off my hips. WOW.
 
I do have more of an appetite now. Nowhere near where it was before, thank GOD. But some days I have to catch myself grazing. So, when I began to struggle a bit I decided to try what a lot of vets are trying, the 5:2 plan. I am going to put something out here that on the regular board may invoke an uprising, but this is my blog, so I want to put forth this theory: the 5:2 plan has been bad for me.
 
I have been reading on the boards the vets raving about the 5:2 ( 5 days of normal eating and 2 intermittent days of really low calorie “fasting” days) and I think it harkens back to my old unhealthy eating habits so much so that it has caused me some problems. I have tried it for the last few weeks, because I could sense that my weight loss was slowing down (as it naturally does when you get closer to goal).
 
Well it has really felt like my old days of strict dieting and then going a bit crazy on the non-fasting days. I think falling into this pattern is to blame for my weight loss to stagnate further than it would otherwise have. I think I need to get back to a consistent and reasonable, healthy daily diet routine. With an occasional treat meal. Now, the vets out there who love 5:2 --- well it seems to be working great for them and I don’t fault them a bit for doing it. I just think for me, it is too similar to my old disordered way of eating. The thing is that I believe in 5:2 in theory, and I know that the 5 non fasting days doesn't mean these are Go Crazy days. It's just that for me, the 2 fasting days trigger me in such a way that I can easily go crazy on the non fasting days. It isn’t going to be something that works for me, at least at this point in my journey. It seems to work for me as a maintenance tool – I have stayed in roughly the same place for several weeks lol.
 
And an interesting thing I want to comment on with clothing and sizes. I weigh 184 today. Fifteen years ago I was (briefly) at my Weight Watchers goal weight of 165. I wore a size 10 then. Today, I am also in a size 10. Which means that when I get down to 165, surely I will be in at least an 8? So I can’t figure out if I am actually smaller this time due to more exercise and having more lean muscles this time (muscle weighs more than body fat) or is this vanity sizing in action? My husband says it’s probably a little of both….
 
Another funny thing with clothing and the body dysmorphic disorder that losing a lot of weight fairly quickly can bring on: when I go to put on my size 10 jeans, and they look so impossibly small in my hands that I think there is NO WAY these are going to fit or even come up my thighs let alone over my hips and be able to be buttoned. But then, as I put my feet in the pants legs, one at a time, the seemingly tiny jeans seem to grow until they do indeed effortlessly slide up my legs, over my hips and are easily buttoned. It's like some crazy movie special effects. It is a very strange visual phenomenon! I know my mind is playing tricks on me. I wonder how long this will last?
 
Anyways, I am still SO grateful to have had this life changing opportunity. Couldn’t be happier with the results, and I know the journey continues. I am committed to the process and to myself
 
Onward!

Well Well Well..... It’s been 9 months (roughly) since I had my surgery on 5/22/13. That’s enough time to have gestated and given birth to a baby --- I am 105 lbs lighter. That would have been a really big baby! LOL
 
First – I will say -- the weight loss is slowing down, it is much more irregular. And, my eating is much more, shall we say, irregular as well. So it’s not the weight loss slowing down all on its own. I take some responsibility. I have gotten more lax in some ways. Still don’t eat very much in the way of bread, no rice, no pasta. Those things just no longer appeal to me. Which is – shocking! I never would have dreamed of that! And this will be my saving grace in the long run I bet. But I’ve had sweets here and there. And more cheese than I should have. Time to get a handle on that. I’m not in denial about it, and I have goals to reach so dammit I will do what it takes!
 
The weight loss began to slow a couple of months ago --- it was bound to happen and I expected it. I went all that time with no real stalls at any point. Funny thing is – I swear I lose a bunch in inches when the scale is NOT moving much. I’m sooooo glad I took my measurements and logged them into spark people way back in the beginning, because when the scale isn’t moving I can see that my circumference is getting smaller I have lost – gulp --- 15 inches off my waist and 14 inches off my hips. WOW.
 
I do have more of an appetite now. Nowhere near where it was before, thank GOD. But some days I have to catch myself grazing. So, when I began to struggle a bit I decided to try what a lot of vets are trying, the 5:2 plan. I am going to put something out here that on the regular board may invoke an uprising, but this is my blog, so I want to put forth this theory: the 5:2 plan has been bad for me.
 
I have been reading on the boards the vets raving about the 5:2 ( 5 days of normal eating and 2 intermittent days of really low calorie “fasting” days) and I think it harkens back to my old unhealthy eating habits so much so that it has caused me some problems. I have tried it for the last few weeks, because I could sense that my weight loss was slowing down (as it naturally does when you get closer to goal).
 
Well it has really felt like my old days of strict dieting and then going a bit crazy on the non-fasting days. I think falling into this pattern is to blame for my weight loss to stagnate further than it would otherwise have. I think I need to get back to a consistent and reasonable, healthy daily diet routine. With an occasional treat meal. Now, the vets out there who love 5:2 --- well it seems to be working great for them and I don’t fault them a bit for doing it. I just think for me, it is too similar to my old disordered way of eating. The thing is that I believe in 5:2 in theory, and I know that the 5 non fasting days doesn't mean these are Go Crazy days. It's just that for me, the 2 fasting days trigger me in such a way that I can easily go crazy on the non fasting days. It isn’t going to be something that works for me, at least at this point in my journey. It seems to work for me as a maintenance tool – I have stayed in roughly the same place for several weeks lol.
 
And an interesting thing I want to comment on with clothing and sizes. I weigh 184 today. Fifteen years ago I was (briefly) at my Weight Watchers goal weight of 165. I wore a size 10 then. Today, I am also in a size 10. Which means that when I get down to 165, surely I will be in at least an 8? So I can’t figure out if I am actually smaller this time due to more exercise and having more lean muscles this time (muscle weighs more than body fat) or is this vanity sizing in action? My husband says it’s probably a little of both….
 
Another funny thing with clothing and the body dysmorphic disorder that losing a lot of weight fairly quickly can bring on: when I go to put on my size 10 jeans, and they look so impossibly small in my hands that I think there is NO WAY these are going to fit or even come up my thighs let alone over my hips and be able to be buttoned. But then, as I put my feet in the pants legs, one at a time, the seemingly tiny jeans seem to grow until they do indeed effortlessly slide up my legs, over my hips and are easily buttoned. It's like some crazy movie special effects. It is a very strange visual phenomenon! I know my mind is playing tricks on me. I wonder how long this will last?
 
Anyways, I am still SO grateful to have had this life changing opportunity. Couldn’t be happier with the results, and I know the journey continues. I am committed to the process and to myself
 
Onward!

A couple of nights ago I awoke at 2 am to go to the bathroom. On a whim, after I was done I stepped on the bathroom scale…to find that I have lost 100 lbs since the start of my pre-op diet; and 90 lbs since surgery on May 22, 2013. I had a hard time going back to sleep I was so excited! I want to lose (I think) about 39 to 44 more. I will be a healthy BMI for my height when I lose 20 more, so I will reevaluate then.
 
I cannot describe the mindf*** having reached this goal is! I knew it would be though….I had faith I’d get here, and yet I am still shocked that I got here. I’ve worked hard, but because of so many failed attempts in my past, the fact that my hard work is actually paying off this time is mind blowing. I am thrilled beyond belief and am filled with wonderment! I need to post before and after pics maybe -- just to help me wrap my head around this.
 
I can’t believe I’ve lost 100 lbs. I can’t believe I weighed 100 more lbs than I do now just 8 months ago. I still feel like me, so how can this be? I do feel SO much better. I feel totally different and very much the same – all at this same time! It is so bizarre. I feel so different in all good ways, and very much the same, also in all the good ways.
All the clothes that were once too small for me are now too big. The size 12’s I got so that I could shrink into them, now all of a sudden are too big, and I think “How can this be? What is this strange phenomenon? “ LOL
The holidays were an interesting learning experience for me. I got to “onederland” the morning of Thanksgiving, which was Nov 28. Between that day and Dec 30, a month later, I had lost only 4 lbs. Don’t get me wrong, I do see the value in losing 4 lbs, especially during the holidays, when in years past that was a major gain time. But it was a significant slow down from recent months. Over the holidays, I had alcohol, I had sweets, I had bread – no never in large quantities, but I loosened the reigns compared to how I have been eating. I also during this time did not always follow the “protein first “ rule, and I sometimes sipped a beverage with my food. I did all of this mindfully, fully aware of what I was doing, I went slow so as not to over do it, but I was definitely “celebrating” -- I was doing so to enjoy the family holiday meals and such. I knew the consequences would be slow weight loss and/or maintaining. But it was MY decision and I was in complete control. Ah, it was so liberating. I believe I have seen a glimpse of what maintenance might be like when I reach goal.
 
I feel strong, ….and I feel taller I was doing some Pilates on the living room floor the other night and my husband came in. He admired me for a minute and then said “My wife has nice long legs” and I just giggled and said “They’re getting longer all the time!”
 
Nowadays when I take the dog out for a hike, I sometimes jog for half of it. ME. I freekin jog. Unheard of! And really, aside from just being more active in general, I have not started any kind of hard-core grueling exercise routine. I don’t go to the gym, I don’t watch a clock that says I have done cardio for x minutes. I happily take my dog out & frolic a bit until my heart rate goes up, and sometimes, just because my body feels good and strong and happy, I do some Pilates-type moves on the living room floor. I suppose I may need to incorporate more formal or stringent exercise into my life as some kind of routine as I try to get closer to goal. It’s certainly not a BAD idea. But my point is, I haven’t had to break my neck to get to this point. I’ve just naturally started wanting to do more and more. And that, my friends, is what I believe is a true life style change. Hooray!
 
So yes, I am happy. And yes, I have faith that I will achieve my goals. What do I look forward to most? Getting to goal and being there long enough that THAT is my reality, not a novelty. I want people to just know my at my healthy weight in my healthy life style, and not think of me as the girl who lost all that weight. I am so ready to have this be the rest of my life.
 
Onward!

A couple of nights ago I awoke at 2 am to go to the bathroom. On a whim, after I was done I stepped on the bathroom scale…to find that I have lost 100 lbs since the start of my pre-op diet; and 90 lbs since surgery on May 22, 2013. I had a hard time going back to sleep I was so excited! I want to lose (I think) about 39 to 44 more. I will be a healthy BMI for my height when I lose 20 more, so I will reevaluate then.
 
I cannot describe the mindf*** having reached this goal is! I knew it would be though….I had faith I’d get here, and yet I am still shocked that I got here. I’ve worked hard, but because of so many failed attempts in my past, the fact that my hard work is actually paying off this time is mind blowing. I am thrilled beyond belief and am filled with wonderment! I need to post before and after pics maybe -- just to help me wrap my head around this.
 
I can’t believe I’ve lost 100 lbs. I can’t believe I weighed 100 more lbs than I do now just 8 months ago. I still feel like me, so how can this be? I do feel SO much better. I feel totally different and very much the same – all at this same time! It is so bizarre. I feel so different in all good ways, and very much the same, also in all the good ways.
All the clothes that were once too small for me are now too big. The size 12’s I got so that I could shrink into them, now all of a sudden are too big, and I think “How can this be? What is this strange phenomenon? “ LOL
The holidays were an interesting learning experience for me. I got to “onederland” the morning of Thanksgiving, which was Nov 28. Between that day and Dec 30, a month later, I had lost only 4 lbs. Don’t get me wrong, I do see the value in losing 4 lbs, especially during the holidays, when in years past that was a major gain time. But it was a significant slow down from recent months. Over the holidays, I had alcohol, I had sweets, I had bread – no never in large quantities, but I loosened the reigns compared to how I have been eating. I also during this time did not always follow the “protein first “ rule, and I sometimes sipped a beverage with my food. I did all of this mindfully, fully aware of what I was doing, I went slow so as not to over do it, but I was definitely “celebrating” -- I was doing so to enjoy the family holiday meals and such. I knew the consequences would be slow weight loss and/or maintaining. But it was MY decision and I was in complete control. Ah, it was so liberating. I believe I have seen a glimpse of what maintenance might be like when I reach goal.
 
I feel strong, ….and I feel taller I was doing some Pilates on the living room floor the other night and my husband came in. He admired me for a minute and then said “My wife has nice long legs” and I just giggled and said “They’re getting longer all the time!”
 
Nowadays when I take the dog out for a hike, I sometimes jog for half of it. ME. I freekin jog. Unheard of! And really, aside from just being more active in general, I have not started any kind of hard-core grueling exercise routine. I don’t go to the gym, I don’t watch a clock that says I have done cardio for x minutes. I happily take my dog out & frolic a bit until my heart rate goes up, and sometimes, just because my body feels good and strong and happy, I do some Pilates-type moves on the living room floor. I suppose I may need to incorporate more formal or stringent exercise into my life as some kind of routine as I try to get closer to goal. It’s certainly not a BAD idea. But my point is, I haven’t had to break my neck to get to this point. I’ve just naturally started wanting to do more and more. And that, my friends, is what I believe is a true life style change. Hooray!
 
So yes, I am happy. And yes, I have faith that I will achieve my goals. What do I look forward to most? Getting to goal and being there long enough that THAT is my reality, not a novelty. I want people to just know my at my healthy weight in my healthy life style, and not think of me as the girl who lost all that weight. I am so ready to have this be the rest of my life.
 
Onward!

A couple of nights ago I awoke at 2 am to go to the bathroom. On a whim, after I was done I stepped on the bathroom scale…to find that I have lost 100 lbs since the start of my pre-op diet; and 90 lbs since surgery on May 22, 2013. I had a hard time going back to sleep I was so excited! I want to lose (I think) about 39 to 44 more. I will be a healthy BMI for my height when I lose 20 more, so I will reevaluate then.
 
I cannot describe the mindf*** having reached this goal is! I knew it would be though….I had faith I’d get here, and yet I am still shocked that I got here. I’ve worked hard, but because of so many failed attempts in my past, the fact that my hard work is actually paying off this time is mind blowing. I am thrilled beyond belief and am filled with wonderment! I need to post before and after pics maybe -- just to help me wrap my head around this.
 
I can’t believe I’ve lost 100 lbs. I can’t believe I weighed 100 more lbs than I do now just 8 months ago. I still feel like me, so how can this be? I do feel SO much better. I feel totally different and very much the same – all at this same time! It is so bizarre. I feel so different in all good ways, and very much the same, also in all the good ways.
All the clothes that were once too small for me are now too big. The size 12’s I got so that I could shrink into them, now all of a sudden are too big, and I think “How can this be? What is this strange phenomenon? “ LOL
The holidays were an interesting learning experience for me. I got to “onederland” the morning of Thanksgiving, which was Nov 28. Between that day and Dec 30, a month later, I had lost only 4 lbs. Don’t get me wrong, I do see the value in losing 4 lbs, especially during the holidays, when in years past that was a major gain time. But it was a significant slow down from recent months. Over the holidays, I had alcohol, I had sweets, I had bread – no never in large quantities, but I loosened the reigns compared to how I have been eating. I also during this time did not always follow the “protein first “ rule, and I sometimes sipped a beverage with my food. I did all of this mindfully, fully aware of what I was doing, I went slow so as not to over do it, but I was definitely “celebrating” -- I was doing so to enjoy the family holiday meals and such. I knew the consequences would be slow weight loss and/or maintaining. But it was MY decision and I was in complete control. Ah, it was so liberating. I believe I have seen a glimpse of what maintenance might be like when I reach goal.
 
I feel strong, ….and I feel taller I was doing some Pilates on the living room floor the other night and my husband came in. He admired me for a minute and then said “My wife has nice long legs” and I just giggled and said “They’re getting longer all the time!”
 
Nowadays when I take the dog out for a hike, I sometimes jog for half of it. ME. I freekin jog. Unheard of! And really, aside from just being more active in general, I have not started any kind of hard-core grueling exercise routine. I don’t go to the gym, I don’t watch a clock that says I have done cardio for x minutes. I happily take my dog out & frolic a bit until my heart rate goes up, and sometimes, just because my body feels good and strong and happy, I do some Pilates-type moves on the living room floor. I suppose I may need to incorporate more formal or stringent exercise into my life as some kind of routine as I try to get closer to goal. It’s certainly not a BAD idea. But my point is, I haven’t had to break my neck to get to this point. I’ve just naturally started wanting to do more and more. And that, my friends, is what I believe is a true life style change. Hooray!
 
So yes, I am happy. And yes, I have faith that I will achieve my goals. What do I look forward to most? Getting to goal and being there long enough that THAT is my reality, not a novelty. I want people to just know my at my healthy weight in my healthy life style, and not think of me as the girl who lost all that weight. I am so ready to have this be the rest of my life.
 
Onward!

I’ve been wanting to do a blog entry, but then the website went all wonky. I’m going to try this today, and decide if I want to continue blogging or not. So far I’m not a real huge fan of the new site. I chose VST over the “other” WLS websites because it was specifically for VSG people; now bariatricpal mixes us all together again. Yes there is a certain amount of segregation, but now I find it difficult to navigate. I don’t really like the name even! I know people do not like change & I am one of them. I find myself less involved in the message boards because of the change. I am grateful that the change to the site took place when I was 5+ months out. I can’t imagine having gotten to where I am without the old board. Perhaps I’m ready to fly on my own now anyway.
 
I am down 85 lbs since the start of 2 week preop diet, and down 75 since surgery. I am wearing clothes from the back of my closet, and people are finally really starting to notice I’ve changed. Amazing to me that it’s taken this long for them to see! BUT in a way, I would rather not draw attention to myself in this way. I am ready to be at goal weight and having people just know me as a girl of a healthy weight so that they don’t feel the need to compliment me on my loss.
 
Some days are easier than others with the weight loss. I KNOW at this point that I could eat whatever I want. I have been very diligent thus far, and I am averaging a loss per week of 1.24%. I am occasionally tempted by the wrong stuff (i.e. “treats”) but I haven’t given in, and it is SO much easier since surgery to stick to a healthy plan I’ve devised for myself. I contribute this largely to having gone through detox in the time immediately after surgery. I’ve never been able to eat this clean for this long, and it feels good! I don’t look at it like a diet – that’s so cliché, but I have always WANTED to have a healthy lifestyle I just never had the control before. Now I know I have the control if I work it right.
 
If I am hungry, I just have to make sure I eat dense protein first so that I can feel restriction. If I do not do that always, I will have a hard time getting to goal. I can’t say that I track my food anymore regularly, and I don’t count calories, etc. I stay away from bread, rice, pasta, except for one or two days per week. I have for the most part foregone sugar and processed food. I don’t stress over things being low fat. My breakfasts are coffee and protein drinks, then I have a green shake (spinach, fruit, protein, avocado, almonds) mid morning, then some lean protein for lunch, then a chike protein drink mid afternoon, and a “lean & green” dinner – but it’s mostly lean protein and just a spot of green vegetable. I feel my green drinks keep my veggie intake up. Routine is key for me. I take my vitamins daily, and drink as much water as I can. I enjoy sugarfree popsicles in the evenings. More than one. Sometimes I wonder if that’s a problem. They are essentially frozen crystal light, but am I playing into old behaviors by going back for several per evening? Yes I am still seeing weight loss but I want to change 40 years of bad habits, so I wonder about eating several of ANYTHING. I will ask my NUT tomorrow when I talk to her.
 
I had bloodwork done and saw my endocrinologist yesterday. He said my iron is slightly high and my blood pressure is slightly low. The episodes of feeling worn out can be blamed on the low blood pressure. Even when I was 85 lbs heavier my blood pressure was on the low side, so you can imagine how it is now. I’m a bit of an anomaly in that way. So I get to indulge my salt cravings, and I need to make sure I stay hydrated even that much more!
 
I fully intend to get to goal. I have yo-yo’d in the obese range for several years now. I’m now beginning to enter territory weight-wise where I haven’t been in 10 years, so I am really beginning to feel different. It’s fun and exciting and a bit scary. But I want to do it anyway – I want to lose about 59 more lbs.! And, 2 lbs from now and I will be merely overweight and no longer obese. That’s cool!
 
I never lost hair, and I figure I’m in the clear. I’ll say it again: I never had hair loss! I will be at the 6 month mark in a week, so I pretty much figure I’m in the clear!! Yay! I had accepted that as a side effect long ago, but lo and behold it didn’t happen to me. I am thankful, but I would have dealt with it. I just didn’t want to cut my hair, because I’ve been growing it out for years. I got my claories up to 900 to 1000 fairly early after starting real foods, and I think this helped me hang on to my hair. I have half a small avocado in my green shake every day, as well as almonds. These things are high calorie but are “good fat”. And good fat is good for the hair and skin. So far excess skin isn’t horrible, but I know I won’t know until I get there how much of an issue it will be. I won’t get plastics though – it just looks too painful! And I hope that after years at a healthy goal weight perhaps the skin will go back to a reasonable shape.
 
All in all I am very happy with how this is turning out! I knew immediately after surgery that I just needed to get on with living a new lifestyle and that as time passed I would see results. And I am!
Onward!

I’ve been wanting to do a blog entry, but then the website went all wonky. I’m going to try this today, and decide if I want to continue blogging or not. So far I’m not a real huge fan of the new site. I chose VST over the “other” WLS websites because it was specifically for VSG people; now bariatricpal mixes us all together again. Yes there is a certain amount of segregation, but now I find it difficult to navigate. I don’t really like the name even! I know people do not like change & I am one of them. I find myself less involved in the message boards because of the change. I am grateful that the change to the site took place when I was 5+ months out. I can’t imagine having gotten to where I am without the old board. Perhaps I’m ready to fly on my own now anyway.
 
I am down 85 lbs since the start of 2 week preop diet, and down 75 since surgery. I am wearing clothes from the back of my closet, and people are finally really starting to notice I’ve changed. Amazing to me that it’s taken this long for them to see! BUT in a way, I would rather not draw attention to myself in this way. I am ready to be at goal weight and having people just know me as a girl of a healthy weight so that they don’t feel the need to compliment me on my loss.
 
Some days are easier than others with the weight loss. I KNOW at this point that I could eat whatever I want. I have been very diligent thus far, and I am averaging a loss per week of 1.24%. I am occasionally tempted by the wrong stuff (i.e. “treats”) but I haven’t given in, and it is SO much easier since surgery to stick to a healthy plan I’ve devised for myself. I contribute this largely to having gone through detox in the time immediately after surgery. I’ve never been able to eat this clean for this long, and it feels good! I don’t look at it like a diet – that’s so cliché, but I have always WANTED to have a healthy lifestyle I just never had the control before. Now I know I have the control if I work it right.
 
If I am hungry, I just have to make sure I eat dense protein first so that I can feel restriction. If I do not do that always, I will have a hard time getting to goal. I can’t say that I track my food anymore regularly, and I don’t count calories, etc. I stay away from bread, rice, pasta, except for one or two days per week. I have for the most part foregone sugar and processed food. I don’t stress over things being low fat. My breakfasts are coffee and protein drinks, then I have a green shake (spinach, fruit, protein, avocado, almonds) mid morning, then some lean protein for lunch, then a chike protein drink mid afternoon, and a “lean & green” dinner – but it’s mostly lean protein and just a spot of green vegetable. I feel my green drinks keep my veggie intake up. Routine is key for me. I take my vitamins daily, and drink as much water as I can. I enjoy sugarfree popsicles in the evenings. More than one. Sometimes I wonder if that’s a problem. They are essentially frozen crystal light, but am I playing into old behaviors by going back for several per evening? Yes I am still seeing weight loss but I want to change 40 years of bad habits, so I wonder about eating several of ANYTHING. I will ask my NUT tomorrow when I talk to her.
 
I had bloodwork done and saw my endocrinologist yesterday. He said my iron is slightly high and my blood pressure is slightly low. The episodes of feeling worn out can be blamed on the low blood pressure. Even when I was 85 lbs heavier my blood pressure was on the low side, so you can imagine how it is now. I’m a bit of an anomaly in that way. So I get to indulge my salt cravings, and I need to make sure I stay hydrated even that much more!
 
I fully intend to get to goal. I have yo-yo’d in the obese range for several years now. I’m now beginning to enter territory weight-wise where I haven’t been in 10 years, so I am really beginning to feel different. It’s fun and exciting and a bit scary. But I want to do it anyway – I want to lose about 59 more lbs.! And, 2 lbs from now and I will be merely overweight and no longer obese. That’s cool!
 
I never lost hair, and I figure I’m in the clear. I’ll say it again: I never had hair loss! I will be at the 6 month mark in a week, so I pretty much figure I’m in the clear!! Yay! I had accepted that as a side effect long ago, but lo and behold it didn’t happen to me. I am thankful, but I would have dealt with it. I just didn’t want to cut my hair, because I’ve been growing it out for years. I got my claories up to 900 to 1000 fairly early after starting real foods, and I think this helped me hang on to my hair. I have half a small avocado in my green shake every day, as well as almonds. These things are high calorie but are “good fat”. And good fat is good for the hair and skin. So far excess skin isn’t horrible, but I know I won’t know until I get there how much of an issue it will be. I won’t get plastics though – it just looks too painful! And I hope that after years at a healthy goal weight perhaps the skin will go back to a reasonable shape.
 
All in all I am very happy with how this is turning out! I knew immediately after surgery that I just needed to get on with living a new lifestyle and that as time passed I would see results. And I am!
Onward!

I’ve been wanting to do a blog entry, but then the website went all wonky. I’m going to try this today, and decide if I want to continue blogging or not. So far I’m not a real huge fan of the new site. I chose VST over the “other” WLS websites because it was specifically for VSG people; now bariatricpal mixes us all together again. Yes there is a certain amount of segregation, but now I find it difficult to navigate. I don’t really like the name even! I know people do not like change & I am one of them. I find myself less involved in the message boards because of the change. I am grateful that the change to the site took place when I was 5+ months out. I can’t imagine having gotten to where I am without the old board. Perhaps I’m ready to fly on my own now anyway.
 
I am down 85 lbs since the start of 2 week preop diet, and down 75 since surgery. I am wearing clothes from the back of my closet, and people are finally really starting to notice I’ve changed. Amazing to me that it’s taken this long for them to see! BUT in a way, I would rather not draw attention to myself in this way. I am ready to be at goal weight and having people just know me as a girl of a healthy weight so that they don’t feel the need to compliment me on my loss.
 
Some days are easier than others with the weight loss. I KNOW at this point that I could eat whatever I want. I have been very diligent thus far, and I am averaging a loss per week of 1.24%. I am occasionally tempted by the wrong stuff (i.e. “treats”) but I haven’t given in, and it is SO much easier since surgery to stick to a healthy plan I’ve devised for myself. I contribute this largely to having gone through detox in the time immediately after surgery. I’ve never been able to eat this clean for this long, and it feels good! I don’t look at it like a diet – that’s so cliché, but I have always WANTED to have a healthy lifestyle I just never had the control before. Now I know I have the control if I work it right.
 
If I am hungry, I just have to make sure I eat dense protein first so that I can feel restriction. If I do not do that always, I will have a hard time getting to goal. I can’t say that I track my food anymore regularly, and I don’t count calories, etc. I stay away from bread, rice, pasta, except for one or two days per week. I have for the most part foregone sugar and processed food. I don’t stress over things being low fat. My breakfasts are coffee and protein drinks, then I have a green shake (spinach, fruit, protein, avocado, almonds) mid morning, then some lean protein for lunch, then a chike protein drink mid afternoon, and a “lean & green” dinner – but it’s mostly lean protein and just a spot of green vegetable. I feel my green drinks keep my veggie intake up. Routine is key for me. I take my vitamins daily, and drink as much water as I can. I enjoy sugarfree popsicles in the evenings. More than one. Sometimes I wonder if that’s a problem. They are essentially frozen crystal light, but am I playing into old behaviors by going back for several per evening? Yes I am still seeing weight loss but I want to change 40 years of bad habits, so I wonder about eating several of ANYTHING. I will ask my NUT tomorrow when I talk to her.
 
I had bloodwork done and saw my endocrinologist yesterday. He said my iron is slightly high and my blood pressure is slightly low. The episodes of feeling worn out can be blamed on the low blood pressure. Even when I was 85 lbs heavier my blood pressure was on the low side, so you can imagine how it is now. I’m a bit of an anomaly in that way. So I get to indulge my salt cravings, and I need to make sure I stay hydrated even that much more!
 
I fully intend to get to goal. I have yo-yo’d in the obese range for several years now. I’m now beginning to enter territory weight-wise where I haven’t been in 10 years, so I am really beginning to feel different. It’s fun and exciting and a bit scary. But I want to do it anyway – I want to lose about 59 more lbs.! And, 2 lbs from now and I will be merely overweight and no longer obese. That’s cool!
 
I never lost hair, and I figure I’m in the clear. I’ll say it again: I never had hair loss! I will be at the 6 month mark in a week, so I pretty much figure I’m in the clear!! Yay! I had accepted that as a side effect long ago, but lo and behold it didn’t happen to me. I am thankful, but I would have dealt with it. I just didn’t want to cut my hair, because I’ve been growing it out for years. I got my claories up to 900 to 1000 fairly early after starting real foods, and I think this helped me hang on to my hair. I have half a small avocado in my green shake every day, as well as almonds. These things are high calorie but are “good fat”. And good fat is good for the hair and skin. So far excess skin isn’t horrible, but I know I won’t know until I get there how much of an issue it will be. I won’t get plastics though – it just looks too painful! And I hope that after years at a healthy goal weight perhaps the skin will go back to a reasonable shape.
 
All in all I am very happy with how this is turning out! I knew immediately after surgery that I just needed to get on with living a new lifestyle and that as time passed I would see results. And I am!
Onward!

I’ve been wanting to do a blog entry, but then the website went all wonky. I’m going to try this today, and decide if I want to continue blogging or not. So far I’m not a real huge fan of the new site. I chose VST over the “other” WLS websites because it was specifically for VSG people; now bariatricpal mixes us all together again. Yes there is a certain amount of segregation, but now I find it difficult to navigate. I don’t really like the name even! I know people do not like change & I am one of them. I find myself less involved in the message boards because of the change. I am grateful that the change to the site took place when I was 5+ months out. I can’t imagine having gotten to where I am without the old board. Perhaps I’m ready to fly on my own now anyway.
 
I am down 85 lbs since the start of 2 week preop diet, and down 75 since surgery. I am wearing clothes from the back of my closet, and people are finally really starting to notice I’ve changed. Amazing to me that it’s taken this long for them to see! BUT in a way, I would rather not draw attention to myself in this way. I am ready to be at goal weight and having people just know me as a girl of a healthy weight so that they don’t feel the need to compliment me on my loss.
 
Some days are easier than others with the weight loss. I KNOW at this point that I could eat whatever I want. I have been very diligent thus far, and I am averaging a loss per week of 1.24%. I am occasionally tempted by the wrong stuff (i.e. “treats”) but I haven’t given in, and it is SO much easier since surgery to stick to a healthy plan I’ve devised for myself. I contribute this largely to having gone through detox in the time immediately after surgery. I’ve never been able to eat this clean for this long, and it feels good! I don’t look at it like a diet – that’s so cliché, but I have always WANTED to have a healthy lifestyle I just never had the control before. Now I know I have the control if I work it right.
 
If I am hungry, I just have to make sure I eat dense protein first so that I can feel restriction. If I do not do that always, I will have a hard time getting to goal. I can’t say that I track my food anymore regularly, and I don’t count calories, etc. I stay away from bread, rice, pasta, except for one or two days per week. I have for the most part foregone sugar and processed food. I don’t stress over things being low fat. My breakfasts are coffee and protein drinks, then I have a green shake (spinach, fruit, protein, avocado, almonds) mid morning, then some lean protein for lunch, then a chike protein drink mid afternoon, and a “lean & green” dinner – but it’s mostly lean protein and just a spot of green vegetable. I feel my green drinks keep my veggie intake up. Routine is key for me. I take my vitamins daily, and drink as much water as I can. I enjoy sugarfree popsicles in the evenings. More than one. Sometimes I wonder if that’s a problem. They are essentially frozen crystal light, but am I playing into old behaviors by going back for several per evening? Yes I am still seeing weight loss but I want to change 40 years of bad habits, so I wonder about eating several of ANYTHING. I will ask my NUT tomorrow when I talk to her.
 
I had bloodwork done and saw my endocrinologist yesterday. He said my iron is slightly high and my blood pressure is slightly low. The episodes of feeling worn out can be blamed on the low blood pressure. Even when I was 85 lbs heavier my blood pressure was on the low side, so you can imagine how it is now. I’m a bit of an anomaly in that way. So I get to indulge my salt cravings, and I need to make sure I stay hydrated even that much more!
 
I fully intend to get to goal. I have yo-yo’d in the obese range for several years now. I’m now beginning to enter territory weight-wise where I haven’t been in 10 years, so I am really beginning to feel different. It’s fun and exciting and a bit scary. But I want to do it anyway – I want to lose about 59 more lbs.! And, 2 lbs from now and I will be merely overweight and no longer obese. That’s cool!
 
I never lost hair, and I figure I’m in the clear. I’ll say it again: I never had hair loss! I will be at the 6 month mark in a week, so I pretty much figure I’m in the clear!! Yay! I had accepted that as a side effect long ago, but lo and behold it didn’t happen to me. I am thankful, but I would have dealt with it. I just didn’t want to cut my hair, because I’ve been growing it out for years. I got my claories up to 900 to 1000 fairly early after starting real foods, and I think this helped me hang on to my hair. I have half a small avocado in my green shake every day, as well as almonds. These things are high calorie but are “good fat”. And good fat is good for the hair and skin. So far excess skin isn’t horrible, but I know I won’t know until I get there how much of an issue it will be. I won’t get plastics though – it just looks too painful! And I hope that after years at a healthy goal weight perhaps the skin will go back to a reasonable shape.
 
All in all I am very happy with how this is turning out! I knew immediately after surgery that I just needed to get on with living a new lifestyle and that as time passed I would see results. And I am!
Onward!

Ok, I was saving two pair of jeans because they were like new, they used to be so tight I couldn't wear them. I was looking forward to be able to put them on. I got them out yesterday to try to see if they would fit, and horrors of horrors, they are too big!!! I couldn't even get them to stay up comfortably with a belt. I'm crushed because now they have to go to the good will and I didn't even get to wear them!!! Oh well, I suppose that is a good thing. People have finally noticed that I'm losing weight, one at church and one saleslady at work. I told them thank you and yes it is hard work. I've lost 45lbs and I know I should be proud of that but somehow doesn't feel like enough. I know that I shouldn't compare myself to others but sometimes it's hard not to get weight loss envy. I was sort of complaining the other day and my son said to me that even though I'm losing weight I still look good and healthy unlike two of his co-workers that had the bypass procedure, he says they've lost a lot of weight but look like they've been sick. So i guess that losing slowly isn't so bad as long as I look healthy. I'm off all BP meds now, and have reduced my diabetes meds in half, Doc says probably will be off all soon. I am waiting to go back for another sleep study to see if I can go off my CPAP, I can't wait to get rid of it. I have 4 lbs to go before I hit one-derland, I can wait I'm so close.... but probably another 2-3 weeks. Oh well, slow and steady....

Today is exactly 16 weeks since surgery & I’ve lost 55 lbs since then. That plus the 10 lbs I lost pre-op mean I am down a total so far of 65 lbs! 65.4 to be exact, but who’s counting lol.
 
I am excited! I am about 7 lbs away from being half way to goal. I am doing a lot of closet shopping, and now I realize if I don’t try on things frequently, I am in danger of several items becoming too big before I even get a chance to wear them! My sweet & generous husband thinks I should buy new stuff whenever I feel like it, even if I know I will only wear it a short time, & he says there are worse problems to have and that I should treat myself for having earned it. While I certainly agree with him in theory I cannot bring myself to go out and buy brand new things when I am not close to goal yet. I’m cruising ebay a lot. I have maxi dresses that I can wear quite a bit longer without them getting too obviously big, and a Donna Karan wrap dress that will just need to be wrapped tighter and tighter, but my pants and jeans…oh boy when you can take off your jeans without unbuttoning or unzipping them, you know they’re getting too big! So I need to get a smaller pair of jeans….and that’s where ebay comes in. I’m bidding on my favorite kind of Levi’s in the next smaller size and if I can get them for less than $20 I consider that a success.
 
I’m so grateful for the sleeve. I’ve really had no problems with it, except for a bout with stomach acid a few weeks ago. I’m managing it with OTC meds and hoping eventually I won’t have to take it much. If I do have to take it every day forever, then so be it. It’s a very small price to pay, in contrast to the laundry list of health problems that I was headed for with obesity.
 
My relationship with food has turned a compete 360. It is a bit of a mind trip though, because having loved food so much for all my 41 years, I still get excited about it. And then I eat it and after 4 bites I’m like “ugh, that’s enough”. So in some ways I feel like I live with a ghost – the memory of how satisfying stuffing myself used to be. And yet, now after a couple of bites I don’t want – can’t have – any more. (please note this is when following the "protein first" rule) It’s a very strange thing to wrap my head around -- this new ambiguous feeling about food, but it is actually a good thing. It’s what I wanted. I’ve always envied people whose lives weren’t driven by the urge to eat – food was always my obsession. When to eat, what to eat, when to eat next, what to eat if no one was there to see. Now I don’t have that uncontrollable urge, and it is lovely. I hope it lasts forever. I easily & happily stick to pretty paleo type eating, and have recently added one day a week where I have some good starch like whole grain bread. I think that revved my metabolism a bit, although I think it dampens my energy some on those days. I just don’t eat many carbs in the way of starches any more, and I absolutely do not miss them! I think I’ve had some dark chocolate maybe twice and my reaction was “meh” ....so why have it again? I have to say I am detoxed from refined sugar and thank God for it. I was a slave to sugar before. That evil is behind me and I do not ever ever want to let that monster out of its cage again. Because I fear sugar could sabotage me in the future, I am going to be very cautious about ever reintroducing it.
 
My husband, who really wasn’t entirely on board with me having the surgery, has recently talked quite a bit about how happy he is with how things are turning out Go figure. LOL. We bought a 42 lb thing of cat litter at Costco last week, and as he said “ooof!” while hefting it into the shopping cart, I said “Yeah, well I’ve lost 1 ½ the weight of that” and it Absolutely. Blew. His. mind. Now, that was more than a week ago, and he’s remarked on it several times since – contemplating the weight I used to carry like that really had an impact on him. I said, “now you understand why I never had energy, right? Aren’t you glad the 65 lbs is gone? And, think about me losing another 65 lbs! You’ll have to put a tether on me or I might just float away!!” LOL Really, my energy has gotten so much better and I’m less than half way there….it is hard to imagine how good I’m going to feel when I get to goal!
(please do note that I say ‘when’ not ‘if’)
 
I’m stoked. I had a great week, and a great month. I track the patterns in my weight loss – regardless of intake or working out, every third week it flat lines. I accept it. The big picture is important; meeting mini goals are important. Meeting goals that are not related to numbers on a scale are important too. I’m all over this!
Onward!

Today is exactly 16 weeks since surgery & I’ve lost 55 lbs since then. That plus the 10 lbs I lost pre-op mean I am down a total so far of 65 lbs! 65.4 to be exact, but who’s counting lol.
 
I am excited! I am about 7 lbs away from being half way to goal. I am doing a lot of closet shopping, and now I realize if I don’t try on things frequently, I am in danger of several items becoming too big before I even get a chance to wear them! My sweet & generous husband thinks I should buy new stuff whenever I feel like it, even if I know I will only wear it a short time, & he says there are worse problems to have and that I should treat myself for having earned it. While I certainly agree with him in theory I cannot bring myself to go out and buy brand new things when I am not close to goal yet. I’m cruising ebay a lot. I have maxi dresses that I can wear quite a bit longer without them getting too obviously big, and a Donna Karan wrap dress that will just need to be wrapped tighter and tighter, but my pants and jeans…oh boy when you can take off your jeans without unbuttoning or unzipping them, you know they’re getting too big! So I need to get a smaller pair of jeans….and that’s where ebay comes in. I’m bidding on my favorite kind of Levi’s in the next smaller size and if I can get them for less than $20 I consider that a success.
 
I’m so grateful for the sleeve. I’ve really had no problems with it, except for a bout with stomach acid a few weeks ago. I’m managing it with OTC meds and hoping eventually I won’t have to take it much. If I do have to take it every day forever, then so be it. It’s a very small price to pay, in contrast to the laundry list of health problems that I was headed for with obesity.
 
My relationship with food has turned a compete 360. It is a bit of a mind trip though, because having loved food so much for all my 41 years, I still get excited about it. And then I eat it and after 4 bites I’m like “ugh, that’s enough”. So in some ways I feel like I live with a ghost – the memory of how satisfying stuffing myself used to be. And yet, now after a couple of bites I don’t want – can’t have – any more. (please note this is when following the "protein first" rule) It’s a very strange thing to wrap my head around -- this new ambiguous feeling about food, but it is actually a good thing. It’s what I wanted. I’ve always envied people whose lives weren’t driven by the urge to eat – food was always my obsession. When to eat, what to eat, when to eat next, what to eat if no one was there to see. Now I don’t have that uncontrollable urge, and it is lovely. I hope it lasts forever. I easily & happily stick to pretty paleo type eating, and have recently added one day a week where I have some good starch like whole grain bread. I think that revved my metabolism a bit, although I think it dampens my energy some on those days. I just don’t eat many carbs in the way of starches any more, and I absolutely do not miss them! I think I’ve had some dark chocolate maybe twice and my reaction was “meh” ....so why have it again? I have to say I am detoxed from refined sugar and thank God for it. I was a slave to sugar before. That evil is behind me and I do not ever ever want to let that monster out of its cage again. Because I fear sugar could sabotage me in the future, I am going to be very cautious about ever reintroducing it.
 
My husband, who really wasn’t entirely on board with me having the surgery, has recently talked quite a bit about how happy he is with how things are turning out Go figure. LOL. We bought a 42 lb thing of cat litter at Costco last week, and as he said “ooof!” while hefting it into the shopping cart, I said “Yeah, well I’ve lost 1 ½ the weight of that” and it Absolutely. Blew. His. mind. Now, that was more than a week ago, and he’s remarked on it several times since – contemplating the weight I used to carry like that really had an impact on him. I said, “now you understand why I never had energy, right? Aren’t you glad the 65 lbs is gone? And, think about me losing another 65 lbs! You’ll have to put a tether on me or I might just float away!!” LOL Really, my energy has gotten so much better and I’m less than half way there….it is hard to imagine how good I’m going to feel when I get to goal!
(please do note that I say ‘when’ not ‘if’)
 
I’m stoked. I had a great week, and a great month. I track the patterns in my weight loss – regardless of intake or working out, every third week it flat lines. I accept it. The big picture is important; meeting mini goals are important. Meeting goals that are not related to numbers on a scale are important too. I’m all over this!
Onward!

Just read this on tumblr by someone called runsleepygirl:
 
"Even when the scale doesn’t change, the image in the mirror looks the same, when you feel like all of your efforts are for nothing, they’re not. Slowly, your body changes day by day. Your goals creep up on you until one day you look at an old progress picture and realize your words have become actions, your hopes have become reality and it was all worth it."

 
i love that

Just read this on tumblr by someone called runsleepygirl:
 
"Even when the scale doesn’t change, the image in the mirror looks the same, when you feel like all of your efforts are for nothing, they’re not. Slowly, your body changes day by day. Your goals creep up on you until one day you look at an old progress picture and realize your words have become actions, your hopes have become reality and it was all worth it."

 
i love that

Just read this on tumblr by someone called runsleepygirl:
 
"Even when the scale doesn’t change, the image in the mirror looks the same, when you feel like all of your efforts are for nothing, they’re not. Slowly, your body changes day by day. Your goals creep up on you until one day you look at an old progress picture and realize your words have become actions, your hopes have become reality and it was all worth it."

 
i love that

Haven’t blogged in a month, so this will be long.
Today marks 12 weeks since surgery and 14 weeks since the beginning of the pre-op. I’ve lost 43 lbs since surgery and 53 lbs in total. I’m damn happy with that!
 
How funny….at the end of that last sentence, I made a typo, and instead of an exclamation point, I typed a question mark. If that’s not my subconscious peeking through, I don’t know what is! No really, I’m happy. No way would I be at this point if I hadn’t had the surgery. I am impatient. I am dismayed that the weight loss is slowing a bit. But, I do find hope in knowing that if I apply myself, the losses will continue and time will pass and every little bit adds up to a lot. So much of weight loss is a mental game. This is the true test. To make sure that I stay the course, not just because eating healthfully is actually good for me, but because I cannot – will not – comfort myself with the wrong kinds of food. I will lose weight at exactly the rate that I am supposed to.
 
Now, I take this time to analyze what I am responsible for. I believe that I am eating the proper way and that I am getting a balanced diet. I am tracking my food, another plus for me. I will be downloading my sparkpeople logs and submitting them to my NUT so that she can review and give feedback. I am taking my vitamins. I am definitely reaching my protein goals. I do not feel that I am under eating nor do I feel that I am overeating.
 
What could I be doing better? I probably am not getting my fluids in. I am not tracking that, and how would I know for sure if I don’t track it? I am hiking 6 evenings a week, up the hills behind my house, for at least 30 minutes & sometimes longer. That is waaaaaay more than I used to do, so while I applaud myself for that, it is time to step it up again. And I have not been doing the strength training I should be doing.
 
I do sometimes have the fear that I will be someone for whom this surgery only gets me half way to goal. Or that the weight loss will stop altogether. I remind myself frequently that there are still things that I am responsible for, and I have no choice but to take responsibility. I have this sleeve as a tool, I have been lucky that my body has taken so well to this surgery, and I also have a tremendous source of support in the resources my surgeon’s team provides. I can contact my NUT and exercise specialist any time I want. For the rest of my life I have these tools.
 
What has changed for me since surgery that seems to be a Forever change for me now? Well, like I said, I am much more active. I am much more mobile and my balance is better. I love that because I can see evidence of things to come! As far as intake, I am still following a pretty pure, unprocessed, paleo type diet. I have had bread on about 2 occasions, in the form of ½ of those whole wheat skinny buns. Other than that, no bread, no rice, no pasta. No sugar! I am having fruit once a day and more vegetables than I was eating at the beginning of my diet progression.
 
The sleeve has certainly relaxed, so I am being careful to do the protein first thing. That definitely does the trick for filling me up, and it gives me peace of mind that I have the ability (for the rest of my life!) to be in control of my appetite. I got the sleeve because there have been times in my life that I felt insanely hungry. Now I know that I just need to eat some good dense protein and I will not feel that way! No doubt if I ate slider foods (and I could now if I wanted) I could eat and eat and feel that out of control hunger and keep eating. So I love that I have that control measure. I ALWAYS eat the protein first. And often I find that one last bite, the one bite that would be the One Bite Too Many, I discretely spit into my napkin. I will not push myself and make myself sick. I’ve gotten over the whole clean-my-plate thing. I’ve had alcohol on a couple of occasions and have been fascinated to discover that I have become a one-drink-nurse-it-all-night kind of gal. I was never like that before. I always felt driven to be gluttonous with food and drink in my previous life, and I no longer feel that way. I am so happy about that!
 
This is an amazing journey indeed. I am so very grateful to have been given this opportunity.
Onward!

Haven’t blogged in a month, so this will be long.
Today marks 12 weeks since surgery and 14 weeks since the beginning of the pre-op. I’ve lost 43 lbs since surgery and 53 lbs in total. I’m damn happy with that!
 
How funny….at the end of that last sentence, I made a typo, and instead of an exclamation point, I typed a question mark. If that’s not my subconscious peeking through, I don’t know what is! No really, I’m happy. No way would I be at this point if I hadn’t had the surgery. I am impatient. I am dismayed that the weight loss is slowing a bit. But, I do find hope in knowing that if I apply myself, the losses will continue and time will pass and every little bit adds up to a lot. So much of weight loss is a mental game. This is the true test. To make sure that I stay the course, not just because eating healthfully is actually good for me, but because I cannot – will not – comfort myself with the wrong kinds of food. I will lose weight at exactly the rate that I am supposed to.
 
Now, I take this time to analyze what I am responsible for. I believe that I am eating the proper way and that I am getting a balanced diet. I am tracking my food, another plus for me. I will be downloading my sparkpeople logs and submitting them to my NUT so that she can review and give feedback. I am taking my vitamins. I am definitely reaching my protein goals. I do not feel that I am under eating nor do I feel that I am overeating.
 
What could I be doing better? I probably am not getting my fluids in. I am not tracking that, and how would I know for sure if I don’t track it? I am hiking 6 evenings a week, up the hills behind my house, for at least 30 minutes & sometimes longer. That is waaaaaay more than I used to do, so while I applaud myself for that, it is time to step it up again. And I have not been doing the strength training I should be doing.
 
I do sometimes have the fear that I will be someone for whom this surgery only gets me half way to goal. Or that the weight loss will stop altogether. I remind myself frequently that there are still things that I am responsible for, and I have no choice but to take responsibility. I have this sleeve as a tool, I have been lucky that my body has taken so well to this surgery, and I also have a tremendous source of support in the resources my surgeon’s team provides. I can contact my NUT and exercise specialist any time I want. For the rest of my life I have these tools.
 
What has changed for me since surgery that seems to be a Forever change for me now? Well, like I said, I am much more active. I am much more mobile and my balance is better. I love that because I can see evidence of things to come! As far as intake, I am still following a pretty pure, unprocessed, paleo type diet. I have had bread on about 2 occasions, in the form of ½ of those whole wheat skinny buns. Other than that, no bread, no rice, no pasta. No sugar! I am having fruit once a day and more vegetables than I was eating at the beginning of my diet progression.
 
The sleeve has certainly relaxed, so I am being careful to do the protein first thing. That definitely does the trick for filling me up, and it gives me peace of mind that I have the ability (for the rest of my life!) to be in control of my appetite. I got the sleeve because there have been times in my life that I felt insanely hungry. Now I know that I just need to eat some good dense protein and I will not feel that way! No doubt if I ate slider foods (and I could now if I wanted) I could eat and eat and feel that out of control hunger and keep eating. So I love that I have that control measure. I ALWAYS eat the protein first. And often I find that one last bite, the one bite that would be the One Bite Too Many, I discretely spit into my napkin. I will not push myself and make myself sick. I’ve gotten over the whole clean-my-plate thing. I’ve had alcohol on a couple of occasions and have been fascinated to discover that I have become a one-drink-nurse-it-all-night kind of gal. I was never like that before. I always felt driven to be gluttonous with food and drink in my previous life, and I no longer feel that way. I am so happy about that!
 
This is an amazing journey indeed. I am so very grateful to have been given this opportunity.
Onward!

Haven’t blogged in a month, so this will be long.
Today marks 12 weeks since surgery and 14 weeks since the beginning of the pre-op. I’ve lost 43 lbs since surgery and 53 lbs in total. I’m damn happy with that!
 
How funny….at the end of that last sentence, I made a typo, and instead of an exclamation point, I typed a question mark. If that’s not my subconscious peeking through, I don’t know what is! No really, I’m happy. No way would I be at this point if I hadn’t had the surgery. I am impatient. I am dismayed that the weight loss is slowing a bit. But, I do find hope in knowing that if I apply myself, the losses will continue and time will pass and every little bit adds up to a lot. So much of weight loss is a mental game. This is the true test. To make sure that I stay the course, not just because eating healthfully is actually good for me, but because I cannot – will not – comfort myself with the wrong kinds of food. I will lose weight at exactly the rate that I am supposed to.
 
Now, I take this time to analyze what I am responsible for. I believe that I am eating the proper way and that I am getting a balanced diet. I am tracking my food, another plus for me. I will be downloading my sparkpeople logs and submitting them to my NUT so that she can review and give feedback. I am taking my vitamins. I am definitely reaching my protein goals. I do not feel that I am under eating nor do I feel that I am overeating.
 
What could I be doing better? I probably am not getting my fluids in. I am not tracking that, and how would I know for sure if I don’t track it? I am hiking 6 evenings a week, up the hills behind my house, for at least 30 minutes & sometimes longer. That is waaaaaay more than I used to do, so while I applaud myself for that, it is time to step it up again. And I have not been doing the strength training I should be doing.
 
I do sometimes have the fear that I will be someone for whom this surgery only gets me half way to goal. Or that the weight loss will stop altogether. I remind myself frequently that there are still things that I am responsible for, and I have no choice but to take responsibility. I have this sleeve as a tool, I have been lucky that my body has taken so well to this surgery, and I also have a tremendous source of support in the resources my surgeon’s team provides. I can contact my NUT and exercise specialist any time I want. For the rest of my life I have these tools.
 
What has changed for me since surgery that seems to be a Forever change for me now? Well, like I said, I am much more active. I am much more mobile and my balance is better. I love that because I can see evidence of things to come! As far as intake, I am still following a pretty pure, unprocessed, paleo type diet. I have had bread on about 2 occasions, in the form of ½ of those whole wheat skinny buns. Other than that, no bread, no rice, no pasta. No sugar! I am having fruit once a day and more vegetables than I was eating at the beginning of my diet progression.
 
The sleeve has certainly relaxed, so I am being careful to do the protein first thing. That definitely does the trick for filling me up, and it gives me peace of mind that I have the ability (for the rest of my life!) to be in control of my appetite. I got the sleeve because there have been times in my life that I felt insanely hungry. Now I know that I just need to eat some good dense protein and I will not feel that way! No doubt if I ate slider foods (and I could now if I wanted) I could eat and eat and feel that out of control hunger and keep eating. So I love that I have that control measure. I ALWAYS eat the protein first. And often I find that one last bite, the one bite that would be the One Bite Too Many, I discretely spit into my napkin. I will not push myself and make myself sick. I’ve gotten over the whole clean-my-plate thing. I’ve had alcohol on a couple of occasions and have been fascinated to discover that I have become a one-drink-nurse-it-all-night kind of gal. I was never like that before. I always felt driven to be gluttonous with food and drink in my previous life, and I no longer feel that way. I am so happy about that!
 
This is an amazing journey indeed. I am so very grateful to have been given this opportunity.
Onward!

My husband & I were talking, and I got a bit emotional about this journey and so thankful for his support.....the poor man, he is my sole support......well, that and VST!
 
He's never asked how much I weighed, but knew I was over 200 pounds. I was 250 in January.....forget about getting to a healthy weight....I was feeling overwhelmed at the possibility at just getting below 200 and feeling I would never reach that goal.
 
Today I weighted in at 217 and got teary eyed when I realized getting under 200 is possible, and it's in sight.....don't know how long it'll take to get there, but am giving it my all.
 
My husband is hurt that I don't wear my wedding band/engagement ring. I already had them sized 5 years after we married...back in 1989....and I refused to have them sized again--unless it's smaller.....felt if I got them sized again to a bigger size it was acknowledging I'll never get to a healthy weight.....and I wasn't going down w/o a fight.
 
He has no clue, but I can now wear my wedding rings......our anniversary is coming up in a few weeks....I plan on surprising him by wearing them....I'm so excited, I want to wear them now....but I don't want to ruin the surprise.....wish me luck!

Well it’s been a while hasn’t it?! I believe an insanely long blog entry is in order!!
I want to first say that due to you, my dear VST people, nothing that has happened has been a surprise, and that has been really, really nice
 
I had my sleeve surgery on Wed., May 22nd. My “call time” was 1 pm, and my surgery was scheduled for 2:45. I believe I was #3 on my surgeon’s docket for the day. My parents, my husband and I arrived and were all ushered into pre-op, where I was asked to go behind a curtain and put on a hospital gown. I was so interested in the conversation my parents and husband were having that I rushed, and when I popped out from behind the curtain, the nurse said “No honey, you’ve got it on backward”. Lol. I was wearing it like a robe. So I had to switch it. Then I climbed into bed and my family sat in front of me in chairs – felt like I had an audience. The nurse was extremely nice – she got me all covered up and warm under the blankets and this special inflatable thing that blew warm air on me. I also got the leg-squeezy things and some fab socks with nonskid rubber on the bottom.
 
Another nurse came by and started an IV – I asked what was in it and she said it was basically Gatorade without sugar. I’m guessing there was no color or flavor either. Then I heard some commotion and found out that my surgeon was running ahead of schedule so they’d be taking me early (!) The anesthesiologist came over. This was the first time I’d met him, and let me tell you, he was so adorable I would have gone anywhere with him! But alas, he only wanted to take me to the OR…. lol. Before we left, he put something in my IV that made me goofy – I remember looking at my family and saying “ooh that was fast” and then someone putting the shower cap type thing on my head & I had to help because I have long hair. I remember being wheeled into the OR, and once in there they had me scooch onto a different table. I think. That could well have been after – it’s one of those weird disconnected memories. Anyways, I do know that my surgeon was there and they started introducing all the support team “this is John, and you know Dr. Z, and here’s Vern “ and I was chuckling to myself like you guys really think I care at this point who’s who? I think they were chuckling too – I just remember that there was happy banter and/or joking as they went about prepping me, and it was a good feeling all around to have happy people around me.
 
Next thing I knew someone was calling my name, and I surfaced VERY reluctantly from a deep sleep. Once I let them know I was awake they left me alone, and I could drift in and out all I wanted. At times I had pain in my upper belly and felt a little nauseous. What’s interesting is that it is such a distant memory now it hardly seemed like anything as far as the pain goes. I was aware of another patient in the recovery room – a large man who was moaning a lot. In my drugged out mind, this made me feel the need to do some moaning of my own just so I wouldn’t be forgotten. LOL. No logic there, just instinct. Someone was apparently standing behind me monitoring my machines, because pretty soon they said it was time to go and my bed started moving. We went in the elevator and pretty soon I saw my family come into view as I was wheeled past them to my room. I felt very concerned with making sure they knew I was just fine, so I was saying hi and trying to smile. But boy I was still pretty high!
 
Once in my room, I began to experience some more pain. I must say it is nearly impossible to assign a number to pain. I think I’m a people pleaser, and I was like “oh it’s not so bad, a 4? Maybe?” But it was a bit worse than that. My mom said she could tell I was in pain because she could see my blood pressure going up. The nurse gave me morphine in my IV, and within a few minutes I felt no pain, but I did feel the nausea. I salivated a lot, but I breathed through it without heaving, thank goodness. In retrospect, the pain must have been gas and the nausea was from the morphine.
 
I drifted in and out for a few hours, then in the evening I got the nurse to disconnect me from everything but the IV, so I could walk and go to the restroom.
From that time on, I honestly had no real pain. I used gas x strips every 3 hours, burped a little, didn’t toot at all I felt the tiniest bit of the gas in my neck, but even that came and went quickly. They never had to put the oxygen thing back in my nose because my oxygen levels stayed good (yay for me for quitting smoking!!!)
 
My hospital stay was uneventful. The tray they brought the next day was silly – I asked if there was any protein in any of it, and when I was told no, I thought why waste the time & tummy space? I ate some to prove no problems, and then was released to go so I could start working on protein My surgeon came by and said everything went really well. I have one incision in my belly button and two more "punctures" high up on my left side. These are smaller than a grain of rice and I'm sure will be undetectable once healed. I'm still completely amazed at this surgeon's skill -- to think that 85% of my stomach was removed and no one will ever be able to see a scar -- blows my mind. He said I was good to go if I wanted. Once unhooked from the IV, I admit I didn’t feel nearly as perky as I had when I was hooked up to it. But they let me walk out on my own and I did not have to do the wheel chair ride.
 
The next 2-3 days were all about sleeping. I tried my darndest to get fluid & protein in, but I felt pretty nauseas. Had the super-saliva production thing going on a couple of times where I thought I would start heaving, but I never did, thank goodness. My sweet husband would run to bring me a paper towel to spit the saliva into (I mean I was producing tremendous amounts of saliva when I got nauseas! sorry if TMI) and then he would rub my back and say sweet things to me while I took deep breaths and let it pass. Nausea sucks. But! By day 3 it was ALL gone. Ever since then all I can say is that the vague soreness in my tummy has gotten MUCH better every day, and the tiredness is slowly getting better. Day 4 after surgery I went on a very short trip to Target and was amazed to stop and think about the surgery I’d just had and that I was out walking around. After about 10 minutes though, I was headed to the lawn furniture department for a lil break
 
I have a desk job, and I took just short of 2 weeks off work – I honestly can’t imagine taking more than that with how normal I feel. Yes, I am pretty damn tired right now, but c’mon, I was tired all the time before surgery! It’s just going to get better and better.
 
Today is the last day of ‘full liquids’. Tomorrow I get pureed! Hooraaaaay! Been daydreaming about cottage cheese lol. The liquid diet has begun to go literally right through me. Yes I get hungry but nothing like presurgery. Once I drink a few sips off a protein drink, I am satisfied. However, within half an hour, it is coming out tha other end if you know what I mean. TMI I know, but I’m here to tell it like it is So I’m hoping that pureed foods will be just what I need to set things right in that department. I had my first poo maybe 3 or 4 days post op and it was normal, if a bit small. I was very happy not to have the severe constipation some folks have immediately post op. I know it could still happen, but at least I’ll be a little further out from surgery.
 
Last I checked, I had lost 20 lbs since the start of pre-op, and about 10 lbs since surgery (about a lb per day). HOWEVER – and here’s something really fun --- my husband accidentally kicked my scale into the wall in the dark and it shattered into a million pieces. I had left it out in the middle of the floor – my bad So... I haven’t weighed in days! I’ve ordered a new fancy scale on Amazon, and I think it will be kinda neat to just wait until it arrives. I know I’m losing weight. But for some reason, my immediate focus is not the weight loss, it’s just about doing what I should be doing.
 
I really feel like I made the right decision for me, and honestly, it has been a good experience so far. looking forward to feeling better and better and better!
 
ONWARD!

It’s Wednesday, my check-in day!
The scale starting moving again – I’m now down 35 lbs since surgery & 45 since starting the pre-op diet.
 
I am so grateful. I feel like my body has taken so well to this. I haven’t really had difficulty with anything I’ve eaten, but I’m only really eating good clean food. The only problem I had was early on when I first started real food I ate a Morningstar farms sausage patty too fast without chewing well and omg that hurt. Lesson learned. But as far as tolerating foods, I chose wisely and chew well. I can even do ice berg lettuce! I’m quite proud of myself. I always kind of knew that this was my one last time to embark on the proverbial “lifestyle change” I’ve always sought, and this time I was going to have the very best tool I could possibly have. And that’s exactly what it is. I have the desire to stay on a healthy eating plan, and with the sleeve I’m able to do it without feeling like I’m a wild-eyed-raving starving maniac. I could totally eat ice cream and French fries now I bet, but I really don’t want to. Still haven’t had bread, or rice, or pasta. It’s been 10 weeks! Someday I will have it again I’m sure, but I want to maybe be at the halfway to goal point before I indulge in some serious carbs like that. And it will be a small indulgence. Small tummy dats why.
 
Right now I am at a point where I have exactly 100 lbs to lose. And I really feel like I’m going to do it! It’s just a matter of how long will it take?
 
Up til now, I’ve wanted to do a blog entry each week, but honestly, I’m at a point where things are a bit repetitious, and the progress is nothing earth-shattering in just a week. So I think I’m going to start just blogging on a monthly basis. I’m SO looking forward to seeing where I am in a month!!
 
Onward!

Seven weeks since surgery. I only lost a pound and a half since last week. Yeah, I’ll admit it: I’m kinda bummed. Obviously I’ve gotten spoiled to 4 & 5 lb losses each week. Spoiled rotten! I’m doing all the same things….so I guess it’s time to do some different things, huh? Tonight I’m going to a Pilates class. I loved Pilates back in the day. I may hate it tonight, but I'm sure I will love it again eventually
I work in an accounting office, so I live my life in Excel. I have a spreadsheet tracking and projecting my weight loss. Really nerdy, eh? It’s my own special way of obsessing My average loss is -1.59% per week. That’s my AVERAGE, slightly inflated because the first and second weeks were big losses. But there’s this pattern that every 3rd week (well it’s an apparent pattern…it’s only been 7 weeks so far) my weight loss is miniscule. Perhaps this is tied to my TOM, which is roughly every 24 days (yes, this does suck). ANYways….could also just be the good old fashioned roller coaster that is major weight loss. It’s funny too, because in my past life, when this kind of thing would happen, I would throw in the towel and eat whatever I wanted, then feel like crap and not be active. Not gonna do that this time. Just gonna ride this old roller coaster.
I’m frustrated because I wanted to be sooooo different immediately after surgery, as far as my weight, size, and energy. In some ways, I was different right away. The snoring stopped pretty quickly. Husband is significantly less grouchy for that I’m in clothes I haven’t worn in a while. I’m taking the dog out hiking 6 evenings a week. I no longer feel completely hopeless.
But I want MORE energy. I want MORE weight loss. I want to feel stronger, faster. I want to get to the point where I can no longer go closet shopping and need to go real shopping. That’s why the Excel spreadsheet is fun….I have formulas set up to where I can see on any particular day in the future where I might be if I continue on this average weight loss. Other columns are set up to show if my weight loss rate increases or decreases…..
We are planning a trip to the east coast (this is a huge trip for us from our home in Hawaii), and there is a possibility that if I could be in onederland by that trip. OMG. That would be awesome. However, living “in the now” as reality forces me to do, I am still stuck feeling obese and drained right now. Things are changing, but I wish they’d change faster. It’s funny how I got myself mentally prepared for surgery as if it were an end in itself in some ways. Reading the boards, I suspect a lot of folks are that way. But after surgery, life goes on. Surgery was drastic, but the weight loss can be gradual. I know it’s all perception, and that in a couple of months when I’ve lost more and my life is incrementally that much different, I will feel better about it.
Perhaps I’m just melancholy this week in general.
I am reminding myself that all things considered, I am in a much better place than I was at the beginning of May, right before surgery. And it stands to reason that in as many weeks in the future, I will feel that much better. I’ve just got to keep working. I will do this.
Onward

Aloha
 
Today marks 6 weeks since surgery, and Wednesdays are my ‘official’ weigh in, although I do weigh every morning. I just record it only on Wednesdays. Yesterday the scale showed me down 40 lbs since start of pre-op, 30 since surgery. This morning I showed down 39 lbs since pre-op and 29 since surgery. ~sigh~ this is my first gain, and I’m guessing I ate something salty yesterday. I am absolutely not bugged about this. I will continue to weigh every morning. I am not obsessing.
 
Just yesterday I had a meeting with my NUT and I asked her what her take on stalls is – is it something that just happens inexplicably, or is it usually something the person is doing wrong? Mind you, when I asked this I was still moving full steam ahead losing every day. LOL maybe I jinxed myself. ANYways, she said stalls just happen sometimes, but the individual has the power to break them. All this being said, I know that 1 lb gained overnight certainly does not constitute a stall. It has just set me to thinking about it. There will come a time when I actually do hit a stall. I want to be prepared for it.
 
So screw the 1 lb overnight last night – I am very, very pleased with my progress! I am beginning to go shopping in my closet, and that is fun. I realized last weekend that I can cross my legs; hooo! that was a thrill! My nightly hikes have become more energetic – I can go longer and faster and work up a good sweat. My dog is loving it!
 
I was thinking this morning that something I would love to be able to do would be pushups. Real, honest-to –goodness, straight leg, military style pushups. No way in hell I can do it now, but I was thinking how cool it would be to be able to do them eventually. My (very athletic) husband would be so impressed! And then I had a brainstorm that I will train myself in secret to be able to do them as a surprise for him! Every morning when he gets in the shower I am going to roll out of bed and start trying to do them. And then one day I'll say "look what I can do!" I also want to get some hand weights. My bariatric exercise specialist had given me a band to do arm strength training with, but I have begun to get very nervous using it because I am terrified it’s going to snap and put my eye out. Paranoid? LOL. Perhaps! But I noticed that in very tiny print on the typed instructions she gave it says “caution: wear eye protection when using the band”. LOL she never said it out loud, she didn’t wear glasses when demonstrating it for me, and I have never, never seen anyone in person or on TV wear protective eyewear with the band. Leave it to paranoid me to start thinking about goggles though. Actually, I’d just rather get some hand weights and not worry about it any further.
 
So far my hair is the same as it’s always been – yay! I am fond of my hair. But I think it’s just a little early yet anyways to see any losses. I won't be surprised when it starts to thin a bit in a month or two. My nails are still growing like mad—I finally had to actually clip them so I could type. In the past they’ve always broken way before they got to the point of needing to be clipped. Hope this nice side effect lasts I guess as long as I get my protein and take my vitamins it will. My energy is getting better all the time. Still would love more energy, but I have faith that my energy level, along with other things in my life, will just keep getting better n better as time goes on.
 
Onward!