nursing38

Update: 4-26-3013:
It's still amazing to see what and how much comes out of me, considering how little I am eating. Most of the time, it feels like I am passing jagged rocks and it comes out looking like a pile of marbles. Then there are times like today, where this monstrous poo python emerges. And I'm thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I just pooped yesterday and I haven't changed my eating habits or eaten extra food."
 
Is there some storage area in the intestines I don't know about? Are my guts becoming some kind of Dooms Day Prepper? Some kind of "just in case we need it" secret poo stash?
 
Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
 

 
 
 
I was visited by the infamous 3rd week stall. I didn't lose any more weight for about 5 days. Hit a 2nd wall on week 5, same thing. It takes me 4 - 6 days to start losing again. It helps speed up the process when I walk a little more than normal.
 
But I've learned that part of the stall is tied to bowel movements. Post-Op, I only go every other day or every 3rd day depending on how much fiber/carbs I take in.
 
You might want to consider how much waste your body is holding onto. My bathroom visits aren't steady at this point, sometimes I'll go twice on the same day. I'll be thinking, "Where the hell did that come from? I know I haven't eaten that much!"
 
Sometimes I'll be over a pound lighter after a monster poop! My record is 2 lbs.

So, I went to my third nutritionist appointment yesterday and I am down 8 lbs. I had been stressing out because I lost 5 and then gained 2 back, but nope...I'm down 8! My appointment went really well and she said that she would let me take my gastric bypass 2 class in April instead of May. That means I see her in May and June instead of May, June, July and my paperwork will be sent for approval during the July board meeting. I must say that time is definitely flying and I'm getting excited. I now have to get some blood work done for some type of bacteria to make sure I do not have it, an EKG, and my mental health evaluation.
 
I'm hoping for an August surgery date, fingers crossed!
 
Thanks to all that sent encouragement in my last blog. I got this!

First off, I don't believe in being coddled. I understand people post on forums because they are looking for moral support or advice, but sometimes they expect too much. What I mean to say is if someone posts on a forum, then they need to expect to be supported even if it means being challenged! I can understand if the person posting is doing everything right to a tee and still not losing weight or hitting stalls, then yes they do need complete moral support because they are not in control. It might be metabolic, hormonal, genetic etc.
The people I am talking about are those that don't get enough protein in, eat too many carbs, don't exercise enough and then complain on the forums. I see it quite a bit actually and usually just refrain from answering. In general, the same people posting and whining, are the same ones that get offended when others offer constructive criticism on why his or her weight loss has stalled or is slow.
Being coddled will get you know where. If you really are in this to lose weight, then you should be willing to listen to the things you "might" not be doing right. We all know everyone is different, but when it comes to weight loss there is a general trend that works BETTER than other ways. Of course, there is a respectful way of disagreeing. I don't agree with the name calling, or yelling, or the "i did it this way and I lost this much weight". In a recent forum, I witnessed someone trying to tell the original poster that they didn't think what they were doing was working for them and offered advice. He wasn't disrespectful in any way. It just sounded like he disagreed. Well, the original poster got upset and then it all went downhill. It kind of got out of hand and everyone started chiming in. It was like the original poster just wanted to hear things that supported her, and nothing else.
 
I think people just need to understand that sometimes being challenged and having someone disagree with you is in support. Would you want to go to the doctor and have them tell you there is nothing wrong with you just to make you feel better? Wouldn't you want the doctor to help figure out what is wrong with you and what you can do to get better? Granted, most of us are not doctors, but you get what I am saying?
 
Having a vertical sleeve is a very personal experience. Some people get it and lose weight effortlessly. Others have to work harder and try everything possible to lose weight at a faster rate. If you have a question or a concern and post it on a forum, then you must be willing to get responses both agreeing and disagreeing, but all supportive. If you are looking for people who will simply shake his or her head "yes" to everything you say, then make a friend and send private messages. You can live happily in your bubble of only hearing what you want.
 
 
*Note: I am not a "yes" woman. I am going to tell you what I did and what I helped and give you suggestions in a nice way. If I think you are doing something that isn't healthy or could stall your weight loss, then I am going to let you know because I would rather truly help you than watch you struggle and whine and complain. This is the type of friend I am and those are the type of friends I want.

10 days ago,while on holiday no less,I stopped smoking.It has been a challenge but I am not going to smoke again.I decided not to stress too much about my eating as I have visitors that eats nothing but junk and carbs.They do not eat any of the food we usually eat.For some reason this made me super self concious and I started cooking rubbish and eating it too.
 
Yesterday I weighed and was up 5 pounds already.This made me realize a couple of things.This is out life and my house.If they dont like the food we usually eat,let them either cook for themselves or go get takeouts.My kids have alos gained weight already and my little 12 year old is a gymnast and competition time is coming up.She cannot afford to gain weight now.
 
So I started cooking healthy foods again and I am down 2 pounds already.Avoiding the carbs just a little and sugar completely.Sugar is not my friend..lol.
 
The health issues are still there but as soon as the visitors are gone I will see the phycisian again.My hands and feet are a little better but I still have a lot of pain.The bruising comes and goes and the back and neck ache seems to be under control.
 
Life is good.I have decided to tackle issues as they come up and not regret anything about having the sleeve.I LIKE BEING THINNER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.it makes me feel great and I will keep it this way.No matter what.
 
We stayed at a stunning resort last week.There were these "toys" (a trampoline a bananna slide ect ect) in the sea.Usually I couldnt get on these things and would never even attempt to.But with a little ecouragement from the kids I got onto each and everyone of those things and we had a ball of a time.This again made me realize how different life is now.
 
Of course the fact that I fit into a size 10 (UK) freaked me out completely..lol.The size 36B bra is totally crazy as well.
 
So,this is me for now.Enjoying life,trying to find the balance with the food and just getting use to the new normal I now live.

I've been horrible about blogging-- can I say that first? When I started this process I thought there would be nothing I'd rather do than write about my experiences before and after weight loss surgery. Well, I still would LIKE to, but life and all of its obligations have continued, so forgive.
But I had to write today. Today, I got under 200 pounds for the first time in. . . I don't know. . . 14 years? That's before I started teaching.
I can't believe how amazing I feel. I've lost 63.4 pounds total, putting me at 196.6 this morning. (I always record my official weight on Fridays.) I knew that I was right about there, but actually having that number pop up on my weigh in this morning was amazing. (My surgery was 12/11/12, btw.)
 
Let's see. . . what else. Protein bars are my friend, eggs are not. Which is too bad because I used to love eggs. I'm averaging about 3 pounds of weight loss a week, and I'm working on my running. Last night I ran the most I EVER have, going about a mile and a half in 20 minutes of continuous jogging. I'm not very fast, but I'm getting stronger. The biggest challenge I've had on that front is that I'm having trouble switching my runs to the outdoors. I'm not as successful, but I'm trying to stay positive. I have a 5k scheduled on 4/20. I don't know if I will run the whole thing, but I should be able to do most of it, hopefully. I just hope my knees cooperate.
 
So that's where I am! What a wonderful day, and I'm looking forward to blowing all kinds of goals right out of the water! My next goal is to get into the 170s by the end of May for my son's graduation. Piece o' cake!

HELLO Y'ALL!!! I don't have much to report. Life has been pretty good. Because of my workload, going to the gym has been pretty impossible. Because of that, I am very careful with my food intake. Speaking of food intake, I am able to eat more!! PRETTY SCARY :ph34r: I remember at the beginning, I wanted to eat more. Now that I can, I wish I could go back to the days where two bites was all I needed :wub:
 
 
But life goes on!!!
 
HAPPY MOMENTS:
​No seat belt extender needed ( Flew to NY)
My daughter's friends called my skinny
 
SHAMEFUL MOMENT:
I ate half a bag of cheetos

Today is one year since surgery and I find myself wanting to think about it before I post more....LOL

First I would like to thank you all for your kind words and encouragement.
 
Those days of pain and suffering after I got home from the hospital turned out to be an abses in my drain tube. It was full of puss and gunk, gross.
 
Spent a full week in the hospital, (if your surgeon doesn't put you on antibiotics before, during and after, kick him)! They couldn't pin point where the infection was but worked to get it stopped. That week was my Hell week, no more concern for the sleeve, just concerned about this horrible infection. I spent the most part of the week in ICU again. Had to have a p.i.c.k. Line and IV Nutrition. They weren't sure if it was just the infection or a leak as well. They told me that either way the treatment I was getting would heal both.
 
I thought I was emotional before, but for those of you with complications and being far from home, I feel your pain. Although Hubby was only 2 hours away I felt like it was a million miles. I am so glad to serve a God who will be there where ever I am! I really needed my Lord and Savior to get me through this one.
 
I am home at my sons recuperating and finally getting some rest. May feel like going to my home next week, well see. Just enjoying the pampering for now.
 
Still sore but getting used to the sleeve and all it's gurgling, lol still doing full liquids and that's ok with me. It's true what they say about forgetting to eat! Have to work on that.
 
Not sure if I would do it again, too soon to tell. But what's done is done, just have to make it worth it.
 
Also, I haven't weighed myself, just hasn't been a priority, well see.
 
I know I use too many comas and the word just too much, sorry about that. Lol

So I went to a seminar back in May that first introduced me to wls. Of all the things I heard the biggest challenge I felt was going to be the pop thing. You know...the part where you can't really have it anymore. At the time my habit was 4-8 cans a day which I've had for the past 15-20 years (I'm 30). I knew if I couldn't kick that habit I wouldn't ever be able to have the surgery. I mean I knew this was just one of many new rules we have to live by but if I couldn't do this then none of the other stuff mattered. The day of the seminar was the last day for 7 months. Over Thanksgiving I've tried pop again half scared, half curious about my reaction to it since I was so addicted to the stuff. The circumstance came about when there wasn't any water to be had at the party. Well they had water, but it was horrible tasting water and I couldn't drink it. I had half a can of pop. I've since also had a couple tastes of moscato di asti and couple more tastes of pop when there's been no alternative. The result is unexpectedly happy. I don't really like too much of it. The bubbles are too much and it burns going down and then I get all burpy. I can't help but laugh about it since I really thought I'd have something like an alcoholics reaction to their favorite drink, one taste and that would be the end of sobriety for a while. I can't believe I really prefer water but I do. The reverse osmosis machine at our house is wonderfully helpful since it gets a lot of the funny tastes out of our well water. It's been well worth the price.
 
i'm preop but I do believe this is an nsv!

1 year ago today I was being rolled into the Operating room thinking that this is my last chance to change my life. This is the last chance I have to get healthy and make a change for the better. This is the last chance for me to for me to stop just existing and start living. Growing up I was always the largest kid. In high school I went from being a 5 foot 8 kid to being 6 foot 4 man wearing a size 15 shoe. In high school I was athletic and worked out daily. After high school my family moved to Atlanta so my sister could receive better treatment for her MS. During my time in Atlanta I started to gain weight .I was sedentary and but still eating like an athlete. My sister lost her battle with MS and it affected my family severely. I started eating and packing on pounds , and me working a call center job working second shift did not help. In early 2011 I started looking for a way to get healthy. At this point I had not been weighed in at least 3 years. I went to the doctor and stepped on the scale and it read 540 pounds. My mother started crying uncontrollably at the doctors office, she saw 540 pounds and then saw me in a grave next to my sister. That was the day I decided that I have to have WLS, I had did diets and lost weight but it always came back. I started my journey at 540 pounds with back and joint pain, High blood pressure, borderline diabetic, and un-diagnosed sleep apnea. I was able to get down to 490 the day of surgery. I am down to 330 pounds as of today with a total loss of 210 pounds. I still have about 40-50 pounds to go but I am more than happy with my results. My life has improved so much in the last year. Physically I am able to walk for 10 minutes without my back being in knots and my joints screaming in pain. I am able to get a full nights sleep and not wake up tired. No more high blood pressure, no more back or joint pain, no longer borderline diabetic. Mentally I have become a different person also. My outlook on life is positive. I have become a stronger person inside and out. I no longer let negative people or issues get me down. I was just diagnosed with MS October 15th. Usually this would get me down especially since my family has history with this disease( my deceased sister), but I just started living again, I will not let this control my future. I am not going to stop living until I am dead- and I am not dead yet. I will you leave you guys with a quote that I live by. Stay strong and stay positive everyone.
 
"Now we are the masters of our fate, That the task which has been set us is not above our strength .That it's pangs and toils are not beyond our endurance .As long as we have faith in our cause and an unconquerable will-power Salvation will not be denied us ! "- Winston Churchill

A year ago, I would look at people who are the size I am now and think, "Oh, what I would give to be that size!". I just knew I would be full of confidence and that my self esteem would be flying high again. But, now that I am where I was striving to be a year ago (not thin but no longer obese), I'm still not happy with my body. Is this becasue society has told us what is beautiful so many times that we start to believe it? Or, is it much more simpler than that. Is it just that I'm not happy with my body as a whole? Why am I minimizing my success in my head? I know I'm not sabotaging myself, but I also know that when I look in the mirror now, there are parts of my body that I dislike even more now that I've lost weight. Now, before everyone blows up at me, let me explain.
 
I am 110lbs smaller than I was a year ago and aroun90lbs smaller since surgery six months ago. I can look and feel my body and I KNOW it has made tons of positive changes. i also know that even though I mess up with my food intake some times, I have made huge strides in that area as well. For example, this time of year in the past I would have had bough four bags of candy just for my husband and I. To be honest, I ate 3 1/2 of those! Now, I've been very careful. If I do eat a mini bar, it's only one or two for the day and then no more for awhile. I've learned that apples and peanut butter can taste just as good as a Reese's Cup....well, not AS good....but close enough. Plus, the apple doesn't make me feel bad about eating it when I'm done. I also try to exercise when my back will allow. Another huge step.
 
As for my body changes, the pouch over my "lady parts" is so much smaller that when I'm using the bathroom, I marvel that I can see certain parts again. (Sorry if that's TMI). I can now see the numbers on the scale with out having to bend my body all cockeyed when I weigh myself. My arms feel like little girls arms to me when I fold them across my chest and the best part is the way I fit into the area under my husband's arm when he puts it around me. For the first time, his arm goes all around me and can even go down part of my arm. For the first time ever, i feel like I can be that comforted woman in the arms of the man she loves. But, with all the good comes the bad. My boobs continue to try to make their way to the floor. If they continue on their trip, they will be there in a few months and I can turn them into cleaning tools as I walk around the kitchen floor!!! Also, they are much smaller, and I have to admit, I REALLY miss them. (If you read my blog lots, you can see that I say this all the time...I have always had a close relationship to my boobs!!! LOL). The skin under my lady parts and between my thighs continues to look like a bull dog's jowls. My tummy is now wrinkled and I can fold areas of skin and fat over on it. My arms have wings and to really just shock me, I noticed today that my face skin is hanging a little too. I swear, I know it's Halloween, but I do not have any desire to look like a walking melting wax figure!!!!!
 
So, I did what I do and asked myself, "Which would you prefer? Who you were six months ago or who you are now?" No question, hands down, The PERSON I AM NOW!!!!. So what's the problem you may ask? It's simple. I've been overweight my whole life and I always thought that if I lost weight I would have a killer body. But, becasue of my age and the length of time I've been fat (not to mention the inability to exercise the way I would like), my body didn't get my brain's memo and can't just fall back into place.....right now, it can only "fall". Because of this, it adds some negative thoughts in my head about how I look. Now, I know only I and my husband can see my body....and I'm lucky that he loves it the way it is.....but every person I know wants that tight, chest up, butt up, tones arm look!! But for now, I will have to rely on Spanks and the right clothes to hide all these changes....and trust me, I don't mind one bit.

My little reward for losing 85 lbs!! 1ct diamond pendant... just a little somethin' from the hubby
Now, I did want to reward myself at the -100 lbs mark, but who am I to tell the man no?!
 
THANK YOU SLEEVE!!!
 
What was some of your rewards for reaching a goal?

Earlier I posted this post about being sick of the sleeve and desperate and doing the duodenal switch...blablabla...yada,yada,yada........
 
Then I went back to the gym to play a game of squash.We played hard and fast and my goodness it felt soooo good.
 
This all made me decide that I will lose more weight.Even if I have to learn to run a hundred km at a time.I will do whatever I can to lose the last 38 pounds.
 
My friend is a personal trainer and I will start train with him next week.I need to start doing some serious muscle building.
 
My goodness,why would I not lose weight if I really work hard?Why do I feel that its not fair that my weight loss have stopped?Who said life was fair?
 
No more chip on my shoulder about this.Yes,I might have terrible days where the scale might affect my mind but I will think positively about losing weight and getting to goal.
 
Tomorrow morning before we go out with friends I will do some exercise and in the afternoon I will either go and swim in the sea or I will go walk while it is still 97 degrees!(swim sounds like fun!)

So about 2 months before my surgery my loving Husband bought me a pair of pants. The size on the inside of them was indeed my size but you know how some stores sizes run much smaller than others. These came from one of those stores. So when I tried them on I couldn't even get them up past my knees. Talk about embarrassing and just making me feel like my life was over. Welp yesterday I decided I would try on those same pants (since my Husband has taken and hidden the scale I don't really have a clue what my weight is unless I go to the doctor). I figured the pants would for sure let me know just how much weight I have lost so far. Weeeeeell to my surprise they did fit and I even had to wear a belt with them because they were big in the waist.Talk about a WONDERFUL feeling. I mean when I left my house yesterday no one or nothing could've taken the smile off of my face. What made me feel even better is knowing that this is just the beginning and I have so much more weight to lose. I couldn't be happier about making the decision to have my surgery. What a life changing day yesterday was for me!!!!

So as of yesterday I am officially in training for my first 5K run. I am super excited and nervous at the same time. I really needed something to get me jump started. My energy hasn't been where I wanted it or needed it to be since surgery. So my friend invited me to run in the Graffiti Run with her. This is a super fun run/walk. It's a no pressure run that isn't about winning but more about celebrating the fact that you can actually finish the 5K. So yesterday I started my first day of training and was pretty pleasantly surprised that I did my first 2 miles in 20 minutes. Now I know to most runners that's nothing but for me someone who has never been a runner it was super huge. A 5K is actually a little over 3 miles so I have my work cut out for me. I am very excited about continuing my training and seeing how fast I can get my 5K time down to. I have til December so wish me luck guys!!!

So close yet so far. I have been on a two week stall. It’s crazy. I am really trying hard not to freak out. I have been under a lot more stress lately. About a month ago, my older brother had heart failure. It was really scary. They were not sure if he was going to make it…but he did…now he is living with me…for now.
 
My brother is morbidly obese, drank heavily, and was not taking his high blood pressure meds. Since moving in, he has gotten the blood pressure under control, quit drinking because now he can’t or it will kill him, and he has loss 30 lbs. in 30 days! As a heart patient myself, it was easy for me to tell him what he needed to change in his diet and near death experiences can be pretty motivating. But it made me a little sad that I could not stick to my own advice 5 years ago which lead me to having WLS to begin with. Then again, as I watched his pain and fear, I realized that I made the right decision for myself 6 months ago. I will be honest with you…there was the little bit of doubt in the back of my mind up until that day…could I have done it on my own…maybe I could had…No…watching him there in the hospital bed with all the machines and the wires and the doctors…No…I could not have done this on my own. If I did not take this step, that could have been me all over again. My weight and my eating habits were slowly killing me. I did not do this to look thin. I did this because I wanted to live…and live well…and live happy and so now I am living well and happy for the first time in my life.
 
But back to my stall, this has been the longest stall so far. I really should not complain because I am 4’ 11’ and 123 lbs with according to the BMI chart I am NORMAL!!!! I passed my personal goal of 130 about 3 weeks ago but I am 3 lbs shy of my doctor’s goal. I really wanted to be there by this Friday for my 6 month follow up.
 
I did finally join a gym last week but I have only gone once…I feel out of place there…so many mirrors. Still not used to seeing myself. Also…tee hee…when I went to the gym several men were checking me out…tee hee. Not used to that either. I am definitely going today. I am hoping to lose at least 1 lb before I Friday.

It has been five months since my surgery. I have lost eighty pounds. That’s about sixteen pounds per month, or about four pounds per week. I would say on average, I am very pleased with my progress, even though I’ve had a lot of ups and downs. I’ve had two major stalls, which had more to do with my depression and food addiction than actual physical changes within my body. During those times, I was terrified that I would never be able to lose another pound again – or, even worse – I would gain some weight.
 
Fortunately, I didn’t end up gaining weight, and I feel like I am back on track to losing some more. I still need to incorporate exercise into my everyday routine, but overall, I think I’m doing okay. As I look back over the last five months, I can’t believe how far I’ve come.
 
This much weight loss would never have been possible without the surgery, regardless of how much time I took to try to lose it. I still want to lose another seventy-five to eighty pounds. My doctor would be happy if I just lost another fifty. If I lose another eighty pounds, in the next five months, I’ll be at my goal weight by Christmas. Clearly, the biggest struggle has been the addiction. If it wasn’t for that, I think I would have been able to lose a lot more weight, faster.

Now, for the record, I am not by any means thin...YET. However, I have to admit that today at the pool, I felt really good about myself. From my highest weight, I have lost close to eighty five pounds. Since my surgery, seven weeks ago, I have lost a total of fifty five pounds. It amazes me how losing that weight has affected me.
 
Last year I would go to the pool and try to get a chair as far away from people as possible. I would also make sure the chair was in close proximity to the steps of the pool so that I could just dart in without having too many people see me. I know people don't like to look at overweight people so I didn't want to cause their eyes to have to hurt any more than they would have to. I figured that the faster I got in, the faster I could "hide" in the water. I would have never EVER thought about sitting on the edge of the pool and chatting with a friend or walking to the far steps to get in becasue someone was hanging out at the ones near my chair. I would have waited until the people moved and then darted in to the pool. I broke all my rules today.
 
First, I proudly strutted my stuff down the length of the pool to go in the steps that were not being occupied. Then, I sat on the edge of the pool, legs in, and didn't once think about how fat I looked and how I shouldn't be sitting there. I also didn't dart in, and attempt to hide in the water. I took my time getting in the chilly water and enjoyed myself. When I was done, I again proudly strutted my stuff back to my chair, laid down and soaked up the sun. At one point I even looked at my ever shrinking legs and thought, "Damn girl, looking good!"
 
I have to admit, I like this new feeling. I can't remember ever feeling this good about myself. Even when I was a size 10 I was self conscience. I am sure the more I lose, the more my body image will change for the better. and I can't wait for that to happen, but for now, I am going to enjoy my time this summer at the pool or beach and continue to strut my stuff every chance I get and I hope you all do the same. Strut that stuff and be proud...sleeve or no sleeve, we are all beautiful!!!

Ok folks- I'm going to expose my inner nerd a little here, so don't go telling anyone that I'm not as cool as all that, ok?
 
I finally broke the 300 lb. barrier and am soooo excited to be in the 200s again. Ok, I'm only at 296, but that counts. So as I lift my eyes to look across the span of the next 100 lbs, I'm feeling a little like Frodo when he and Sam finally get into Mordor and look across to Mount Doom. (After all the spider trauma, of course;) ) All they see is a vast wasteland filled with threatening foes waiting to take them down. But, on the other side....Frodo knows that freedom from the burden chained around his neck awaits.
 
I know the freedom from this weight is coming. It just looks so daunting right now. Such a loooooong.....rocky....journey. But I'm ready. I know it's not magic, and it's going to take hard work. But when I get there, the relief will be soooooooo SWEET!!!!! I can't wait to cast it into the fire!!
 
Nerd moment over. Carry on.