Lyra

Okay, seriously, has anybody else felt that nesting instinct right before surgery? I've cleaned the heck out of my house! I'm practically seeing animated sparkles floating in the air...or at least I did until my kitty just threw up on the floor. Thanks, Mara. Also I'm totally diggin' this liquid diet. I feel really light and bouncy on my feet and have lost over 10 pounds. Another humerus aspect is that I'll be gone for 2 weeks as I'm staying with my parents and when I get back it'll be all dusty again, lol! So, the day after tomorrow is it! I'm so excited! And it's gonna go by fast, because I have to get up at 4am for work, then after I get off at 1pm I run on home to pick up the kitty and then drive 3.5 hours to my parents. Then we wait for my mom to get home, then we get in the car and drive 1.5 to the hospital (they have hotel-type rooms you can rent for $25) as I have a 7am check in time! Finally, surgery! Ya'll, life is plain peachy right now! Woot woot!

Mine was about $235 and took about an hour. She and I chit-chatted about the surgery and she wanted me to do support groups, books, etc (most of which I was already doing). Then I answered about 30 questions and that was it. I would try finding a different psychologist, there's gotta be somebody else with better pricing!

Ya'll, it's a great day to be alive! Today was awesome, the birds were tweeting, the sun was shining and a gentle breeze ruffled the trees. I kicked some serious butt at work and am ready to go into a hectic weekend! I'm really glad that it's going to be such a crazy next few days, as that means that they will skip on by and then....IT'S SURGERY DAY! We had some bigwigs coming through the store today, and they said that they LOVED our cake case! Rock on us decorators! Another reason today rocked was sparked by an absentminded comment I made to the payroll officer at work. She saw me filling out the PTO (paid time off) request form and asked me if I was going to be doing anything fun. I said that I was going to be out on leave for 2 weeks for surgery. Her reply was to ask me if I had short-term medical disability insurance and if so, why I wasn't using it for the 2nd week. Seriously, how did I not think about that? I have a ton of PTO hours saved up, but it'll save me 24 hours of PTO. Which rocks! It required a bit of paperwork, but I've gotten it all taken care of. Another cool thing was that I went to Michael's Art Supplies store for some new sketching pencils (I had scored a 40% off coupon) and then found out that sketch pads were 50% off! My current sketch pad sucks as it was super cheap, but my new one is really nice. Overall a great day and I'm so excited about having surgery on Wednesday. I feel very calm and I know that this is the right decision. Life is good, and it's only going to get better!

I'm going into day 3 of a 7 day liquid diet. Although my doc wants us to only have 20g of protein a day, low sugar and low fat rather than just stick to protein drinks. So we can have clear broth, sugar/fat free pudding, fat free and no added sugar yogurt. Which really doesn't fill you up at all. Honestly, though, it's uncomfortable (I'm not gonna lie) but if you space your 'food' out evenly I've found that while you're hungry you're not "I will kill somebody if I don't eat a burger right now" hungry. It's not fun, but it's doable.

Happy Birthday! I hope that you feel better soon, and I'm sorry that you had a lousy food day. Hopefully at least the rest of your day rocked!

The first days of the liquid diet suuuuucks. Running around the store, making cakes, and working next to a hot oven on liquids only is horrible. Seriously, cannibalism is looking good. Or I'm imagining that my cat would taste good with sweet and sour sauce (joke). *laughs* I was so hungry today that I definitely had a decorating theme going on! I did cupcakes with pigs, chickens, and some very cute and quizzical looking sheep today! They were super cute but everyone was making fun of me for having food on the brain. I hear that by day 3 things get better. I hope so as I feel light-headed and very Ms. Grumpy-pants. I think it would have been okay if the ice cream truck hadn't parked outside my apartment complex with its dastardly song for 20 minutes. I swear the ice cream truck song ignites a rather Pavlovian response in humans of any age! Somehow I don't think that peanut butter milkshakes are on the 'approved liquid list'. Oh well, only 5 more days to go! The other day was my final pre-op nutrition class, along with my final pre-op doctor's class. The nutrition class was interesting if very, very long. One of the guys in the class pretty much told the nutritionist that he would eat whatever he wanted to, thank you very much. That kinda boggles the mind as it seems like you're setting yourself up for a rather expensive failure. Thank goodness I don't have that mindset. I have a crazily busy week coming up. Hopefully the days will fly by quickly. Luckily I have plenty of B-rated horror movies to watch on my lovely day off today! Woot woot!

Did anybody get the number of the semi that just ran me over? My feet look like sausages that are about to bust out of their stuffing....they also kinda look like that time I thought I would be able to fit into this dress that I wore in college and ended up getting kinda stuck and having to do some advanced yoga moves (of which I don't know), and practically roll around in Crisco (just kidding...or am I? *waggles eyebrows*) to get myself out of it. The alarm rang yesterday morning and up I popped with a whistle and a bounce in my step. We were ahead of orders at work and today was going to be a great day! Granted, I kind of had a budget-making panic attack the night before, but my mom talked me off the metaphorical ledge. Anyway, off I go to work and I'm there for a couple of hours when my boss runs up to me and asks me if I'm willing to go to another store 1.5 hours away because they need a cake decorator. The store had just opened and their cake decorator had an accident (not job related) so they were going through grand opening with nothing. Needless to say I wasn't exactly jumping at as I had PLANS for that evening (nefarious, minion-assassin-garden-gnome-needing plans for world domination!) and didn't want to drive 3 hours round trip. So then she sweetened the pot and said that our store manager would have me get paid time-and-a-half. Which is nice, but still not enough. Then she said they would also give me a non-taxed bonus. *grin*. Yeah, so I can be bought for that, plus paying my traveling expenses! I race to the other store and proceed to work a 13 hour day. Sheesh, my feet are STILL killing me! Tomorrow I work and then drive to VA to spend the night as my last class and pre-op doctor's appointment starts at 7am on Tuesday. It's hard to believe that my surgery is week after next! WOOT WOOT! Ladies and gentlemen, I would continue but I'm about to fall over I'm so sleepy. May you all have a fantastic Monday full of fun, adventure, and dragon hunting!

Nope, it's 20g protein. The liquid diet actually hasn't been that bad. Except for the absentmindedness....wait, what was I talking about? :oP

I consider myself an intelligent woman, but sometimes I really wonder where my marbles are! So I decided that I was going to be 'Proactive Girl' and start weaning myself off of solid food now instead of going cold turkey on Tuesday. Of course, I was more of the philosophy of "I got this" and jumped in with both feet. That scream you heard yesterday at about 3pm? That was my metaphorical chicken broth parachute getting a hole in it and metaphorically dropping me on my a$$. So yesterday starts and I'm feeling all virtuous that I replaced both breakfast and lunch with one of my approved food groups. I can have things like broth, carnation instant breakfast, sugar/fat free pudding, under 5g sugar/fat free yogurt, cream of whatever soups etc. I just can't go over 20g of protein so that my liver shrinks away to nada. Of course I had run out of time the day before to get anything from the above list, which would make you think that I would just put it off for a day. Me, do something like that? Surely you jest! Luckily I had chicken broth that I had doctored with some cream of whatever and strained. So I had that for breakfast and lunch. Now I work in a busy store where I'm on my feet all day, work next to a hot convection oven which turns 'The Batcave' into 'The Alcove Of Despair From Over 100 Degree Temp', constantly moving, carrying 50 lb bags of whatnot and I've pedometered myself at walking about 3.5 miles at work in the course of an easy day. Can anybody guess what happened? Yep, all of a sudden the world got nice and bright and kinda floaty. No, I didn't faint or have the vapors (southern women don't faint, we engage in mortal combat with the floor) but I did get so birdbrained that when I got done putting gas in my car I forgot to put the lid and hatch back on the gas tank. Or I would forget what I was going to the back of the store for. So after talking to my dad, who had this surgery 2 months ago he kinda clued me that it was not one of my better ideas. Also, more water is needed when your body doesn't have enough fuel. So today starts Day 2 of Easing Into The Liquid Diet. I went to the grocery store yesterday and got provisions so that I don't do my best Gone With The Wind impression at work. It's my long shift today so here's to hoping! I hope everybody is having a phenomenal day and that your weekend is bright and shiny!

Yeah I had a couple of people like that where I work, too. I told them that I was either getting wings surgically attached so I could fly like a butterfly or that I had been infected with an alien and it had to be removed before I did a Sigourney Weaver from Aliens 3. My answers pretty much depended upon my mood but were all together silly. And you know what? The nosy people left me alone. Granted they might have edged away from me, but I'll take what I can get!

Today was a fantastic day off and I got a bunch done. While my liquid diet officially starts on the 18th I've decided to start meal replacing now so that my the 18th I will only have to stop eating 1 meal instead of 3. I made some chicken broth today (it's pretty good) and cleaned my house. For some reason I feel this nesting instinct and have been cleaning like a mad woman. My apartment does look great though.... I was talking to a fellow surgery sisters and asked if she ever walked around looking at different bodies and wished she could take a butt from that lady, the legs from another, the stomach of a third and build the body she would have after surgery. Frankly, I've been playing Mrs. Potato Head, or Dr Frankenstein, like crazy lately. There was a lightening storm last week and I kept looking around waiting for Igor to show up! While part of me wishes the next two weeks could fly by, another part of me is actually enjoying the entire process and wanting to 'live in the moment'. So here's a question: The USA has a very high obesity rate, but has anybody ever noticed that the 'normal' size clothes take up 2/3 of the space while the plus size gets shoved into a dark, dank corner? I want to shop in the normal section and not feel like I should be saying "Oh, I'm looking for somebody else, not for me *cue uncomfortable laugh*." Not only that, but I can't WAIT to be able to easily find clothes that are not button down, breast pocketed, striped shirts. Or frumpy. Or only in dark colors. Or with crazy grandma's floral print curtains pattern. I want to wear bright colors, with shirts that may be *gasp!* made of a thin silky material that clings to my body and doesn't show a muffin top. I want some knee high boots and some skinny jeans. I want to wear sundresses and tank tops without my arms looking bad. And dear god I want a pair of leather pants to go clubbing in! I miss dancing at clubs... One thing I wonder is if losing weight will make me look older. Now, don't get me wrong, I fully appreciate not looking my age. Not only does my mom's family always tend to age well, but with my round and chubby face I get told I look like I could be in college. I turn 30 in six months. Has anybody else run into this where they either looked younger or looked older after the surgery? While I don't want to suddenly look older than my years, it might be nice to not get carded going into rated R movies. Or have bartenders look at my license like it's a fake. On the flip side I rake it in at the county fairs where they guess your age, especially if I don't wear makeup and put my hair in a ponytail. *amused* Okay, babbling over and now it's off to finish laundry. I keep wishing that I will wake up someday and have had a brownie (the mythological creature who did housework and other chores in exchange for milk and bread) move in and start doing the chores for me! Dishes and laundry are such a pain. Toodles, and I hope everybody has a great weekend! -Lyra

*hug* I'm sorry that you're having such a rough time right now. I know that your mom has to be watching over you and that she's amazingly proud of you. Your husband sounds super sweet and smart, listen to him! There is no shame in reaching out and know that we all have your back if you need to talk.

That is so awesome! Keep us posted a good luck!

Once again I was battling the Evil Denizens Of Cake and kicking some fabulous creativity butt when one of my coworkers come into The Batcave (a very, very small windowless room that the baking and decorating magic happens in. While the Receiving team may say that THEY have The Batcave and we're The Fortress of Solitude, they're wrong. So ha!) So there I was in The Batcave when a coworker of mine decides to chill out and talk to me. I love to talk and so normally I'm up for a good conversation except this guy is so socially inept and awkward that all the girls in the department cringe. Because he and I are the only people in the department currently not married or dating I think he thinks we have this 'bond of whatever' between us. Kinda like the two amigos against the big, bad world in our search for love and marriage. Except...no. While I would like to be in a relationship, right now I'm crazy busy and I also don't hang my self-worth on whether or not I have a man. Plus, he's really, really socially inept. Anyway, he starts drilling me on why I'm going to be out of work for 2 weeks, that he heard I was having surgery and what was it, etc. Since I have to work with him, and am more of a "Rudeness As A Last Defense" sort of girl, I tried to politely change the subject. Nope, the guy was like a friggin' blood hound. By this time a couple other coworkers had come back to The Batcave and were listening in. Which irritated me to no end. Hello, rude much?! Well, the week before I had perfected my reply to people like him and so decided to see if it would work a second time. What I ended up doing was first I said that I was getting wings so I could flit around bringing cake to everyone. Instead of taking it as "Def-Con 1 Mind Your Own Bloody Business Or There Will Be Consequences" he asked me again. So what I did was lean forward and say, "It's actually really upsetting ((dramatic pause)). You see I woke up the other night with this spider-alien thing stuck to my face with a tube down my throat ((fake voice tremble)). They have to do surgery in order to rip out the alien love spore before I do my best Sigourney Weaver impersonation from Aliens 3." Yep, it worked again! When in doubt pull out amazing silliness and people tend to edge away from you and leave you alone. Or laugh. Either way they go away and stop asking intrusive questions. Niiiiiice!

While I don't normally advocate being rude, if you're coworkers are being intrusive a curt and cold, "It's none of your concern" or "I don't care to discuss my personal life at work" and immediately walking away would get your point across. They may still watch you, but they probably wont say anything to you for awhile. I dislike being questioned as well and when some of my coworkers got too nosy about why I was having surgery I told them I had been infected with spider-alien love spore and needed to have it removed before I did my best Sigourney Weaver in Aliens 3 impression. That pretty much shut them up. Good luck and your hubby sounds like a sweet guy! Clueless, maybe, but sweet

Only 14 more days until surgery! Man, I've got so much to do until then! I have to bake a huuuuge vegan wedding cake (pain in the butt), go to my last class/doctor's appointment, start my liquid diet, save the world, clean my house, save the world, work through a weekend as the only decorator (scary!), catch the cat, and then drive 3.5 hours to my parent's house and then 1.5 hours to the hospital that I'm having surgery at. Shew! I'd be tired if I wasn't dancing about in excitement! I feel like I should be singing and dancing to some bangin' music! If my life had a theme song right now, it would be "Can't Touch This" by Hammer. Oh yeah, and bustin' out some bad 80's moves! *giggles* I've been slowly switching over to liquid diet stuff so that my body wont flip out on the 18th (the start of the official diet). At least I gave up my espresso shots awhile ago. My coworkers told me that I'm not allowed to have espresso, as I'm hyper and too happy even when I'm NOT on it! Spoil sports.... *pout*

Rock on and good luck! Surgery is a breeze in that you go to sleep and then seemingly wake up a minute later and you're done. Keep us all posted!

You can always create an "Adventure List" with your kids and together ya'll can choose 10 'adventures' to go on with you as you lose weight. Fun, silly, or creative stuff that you may not be able to do easily now. That way she'll look at it not only as fun and something to look forward to, but it can also show her that change isn't scary and that good things can come from it. Write it up, decorate it with glitter/stickers/whatever and put it on the fridge so that they can see it every day.

If you feel like you need to tell them something (although legally you don't have to tell them squat) you can always just answer that you're having either surgery for 'female problems' or 'male problems' (depending on whichever applies). Most people back away from wanting to know more about things like that either from sympathy or somehow thinking it's contagious. Another option is that you're having ulcer repair work which would explain your change in eating habits.

Over the last week or so I've immersed myself into TedTalks, a yearly convention that is the brain and spirit trust that shows both the absolute best and worst of humanity. It combines science, art, music, humor, and every other aspect that makes us human. It's been inspiring on so many levels, and it has also caused me to really think. One of the talks was on shame and vulnerability, why we feel them, and how those feelings (and how we deal with them) are important to our lives. I know that for myself I dealt with those emotions by reaching for the cookie box or eating way too much food. I think a lot of people who know me think that I'm an open person because I like to laugh and joke around. Yet I definitely have some very tall, very large boundaries as I am, at heart, a rather private person. This journey has really been a struggle for me because it makes me uncomfortable to be vulnerable in front of others. To go to the doctor and say, "I need this surgery. That I cannot lose weight on my own and will only continue to gain." To go to my best friends with confidence (all the while feeling shame) and tell them that I am getting this surgery. To realize that shame was illogical, but to feel it anyway. Two of my closest friends sat down with me to talk about why I decided to do this. I could see that my normal flippant responses wouldn't work, and that they were important enough to me to try and be as open as possible. God, it was hard, though. So very, very hard. I think I would rather run through the streets naked rather than open up emotionally like that. The results, though, were that they understood and now are really supportive. My surgery of April 25th is quickly approaching, and I realize how much I really want things to change. I want to stand at my 30th birthday in November and look back and realize that not only am I healthier and have started a more active life...but I also want to be a more emotionally open person. Kinder, more compassionate, and more honest with myself and others. I'm not really sure how to do that but I guess that's part of the journey. Either way, it's gonna be a hell of a ride.

You can also say you had gallbladder surgery or ulcer repair. It will explain why you're not hungry and why you may be tender in the middle. Good luck!

Wow. So much has happened in the last few days. I got my surgery date finalized, apparently it was only a projected date that had to be approved by the OR. Thank god I didn't know that or I would have fretted endlessly about it! I also got my final pre-op blood work done although apparently one of the tests they needed to do was a pregnancy test. Well, the doc didn't code WHICH pregnancy test as apparently there is one that says if you're pregnant, and the other tells them how far along you are. So the conversation went something like this: Labcorp Tech (LT): So do you know what pregnancy test they want? Me: Huh? LT: explains the two tests. Your doctor didn't specify. Me: Well, it's for pre-op so they just want to see if I'm pregnant or not. I'm not, by the way. LT: We need to double check. He might want the other one. Me: Um...okay. Except the reason he wrote down for me to get these tests was because it's pre-op. If I'm pregnant (and I'm not) then no surgery. Thus meaning that the other test doesn't matter. LT: I'm going to call the doctor and verify. It may be awhile as it's after 5pm. Me: bangs head on wall. Eh, she was just doing her job, but sheesh. Luckily Dr W called back quickly and I was in and out and thus made it to sushi on time. I feel kinda odd right now, but not in a bad way. I feel like I'm very internally focused. It's strange because I've been so excited these last few months and now that the approval is in and all I have left is my last class/pre-op doctor's check on the 17th I feel very 'me' focused right now. My friends keep wanting to talk about it and how excited I must feel, and I am really excited, but I don't really want to talk about it. Perhaps it's nerves. I've been finding that while I'm emotionally fine, my brain is buzzing along like crazy. My friends have always teased me that I have the attention span of a magpie (I see something pretty or interesting and I'm off in another direction). I'm not flighty (heh, no pun intended) but I do enjoy learning lots of different subjects and tend to dabble in a lot of unconnected, random bouts of learning. It's kinda why I'm a National Geographic geek. Speaking of NatGeo geeks, I've recently discovered TedTalks. For those of you who don't know they are a series of conferences that are held each year on a vast number of topics. Anything from the sciences, to art, history, etc but each presentation can only be a very strict 18 minutes. Well, except for Jane Goodall's presentation, but she's Jane Goodall, nobody is gonna boot her from the stage. The top voted person of the talks gets money to put towards their research or their dream that is going to change the world. Cool, huh? How did I not know about this? It's perfect for someone like me who loves hearing condensed talks about a myriad number of subjects. Thank you Netflix for adding a zillion of them to your instant play. My brain is thanking you! I've already watched about 30 of them. Very frosty, very neat! April is such a crazy month for me. My job as a decorator gets hectic at Easter, then I have to get around to finishing my taxes, get to my class on the 17th, start liquid diet on the 18th, then work a crazy schedule until the 24th before I get my 2 weeks off for surgery. Somebody at work asked me what my surgery was. I decided to have some fun, so I told him I was getting my own pair of sparkly butterfly wings. I said that because the room we work in is so small we were looking at lofting work stations to fit more decorators and we decided it would be best if I could hover and decorate on the lofted station. Then I told him that I had a traumatic experience where I woke up to this alien thing on my face and down my throat and that I had been implanted with an alien love spore and they had to get it out of me before I did my best Sigourney Weaver impersonation from Aliens 3. That got a lot of laughs and a "Lyra, you're nuts!" from people. While I don't have a problem telling people what I'm having done I was running a little experiment on how people would react if I answered that question with a ridiculous answer. Basically they were amused and dropped the subject. They probably think I have some horrible female related problem or something. It might be a good tactic to use on people who are being really pushy about the surgery. You just have to out ridiculous somebody until they walk away! Or edge away and call the looney tunes brigade....

Wow, I've had a doozie of a week, ya'll! So, granted the 'stranger' was my boss, but I'm never taking juice unless there is an ingredient label with it. Picture this: The plucky (and devastatingly beautiful) protagonist Lyra goes in to work to do battle against the Hoard Of Rampaging Customers Needing Cake Right. This. Minute when her boss offers her some pineapple juice. Plucky and Sassy Lyra loves pineapple juice so drinks a good 8 oz of it. Everything seems to be going well until her stomach starts cramping up and hives start breaking out in her mouth and on her skin. (Okay, enough of the third person). I went to find the juice container and discovered that there was apple juice listed as an ingredient. Did I mention that I'm highly allergic to apples? Luckily I always carry emergency allergy meds with me but it still about kicked my tail! The moral of the story: Never take juice from strangers. Or people you know. Although I did joke with my boss that if she was trying to kill me so she could hire a younger, prettier cake decorator that I was on to her and that it wasn't going to work! Maybe I should hire some hot, European bodyguards while at work...I could declare it as a business expense on my taxes....*wicked smile*

Yeah, it's kinda funny in that all the females in my family are allergic to apples, but none of the males. Each generation seems to be more susceptible to it, though. My grandmother and mother can eat applesauce, but not raw apples while any form of apples makes me break out in at least hives. I was reading an article last week that there are people allergic to water. Can you imagine that? This one woman breaks out in hives from her own tears or in the shower. Now THAT would suck!