colorado_chick

I am scheduled for July 8th! I am also freaking out ... and I also know just the basics! I am nervous and excited. What's your pre-op diet like? Mine is three days of liquid. I can do that, no sweat!

I went to my initial consult today. It took three and a half hours. I imagined it very different from what it really was. I was greeted by the receptionist and filled out some forms. She took my height and weight. ERGGGGGGGGGGGg that made me cry. Then a Physician's Assistant came in, took my blood pressure, and listened to my breathing with a stethoscope, which I don't think ever tells anyone anything. But at least she didn't take a little hammer and test my reflexes. Next, I met with the surgeon. Who had kinda a pot belly. Which I thought was kind of funny ... No judgement, but just saying ... I was so stunned and in shock and awe the whole that I just listened to everyone and didn't ask any of the thousand questions that I had ... dang it! Then I met with a social worker. Which was really odd. I had to fill out all these questions about my personality, stress level, etc etc. But she was the most interesting part of the whole day. She had the lap band put in 14 months ago, she said. She has lost 80 pounds. She showed me her scars, and let me touch where her port thing is. SOOOOO creepy touching someone's tummy! But when I told her I didn't know anyone who had the lap band, she got excited and told me a bit of her story. Then I met with a nutritionist. She asked me all sorts of questions about my current eating habits. Which were so hard to answer because I don't have a typical. Some days I eat healthy and normal, and some days I eat crazy, like I'm having my last meal. I booked my surgery date for July 8th. I am going to have surgery!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In like 6 weeks!!!!!!!!!

I am 90% sure I want to get the lap band, and 10% unsure. I'm certain that my story, my life, my decision is not unique - but it's mine. I am 33 years old, almost 34. I have been 50 pounds over weight for years and years. I have been over weight since the fourth grade. It's part of who I am. I hate it. For over 20 years, not a day has gone by where I didn't have negative thoughts about my weight and my body. I love myself, I truly do. But I hate my extra weight. I am self conscious of my body. It prevents me from doing new things, meeting new people, and living my life. I walk into a store and start comparing myself to every female in the store. I obsess. This is my life and I effing hate it. I want out. That is why I am 90% sure I want this. I don't want scars. I don't want to be in pain. Most of all, I don't want this, getting the lap band, my last resort, to fail. Because this is it. If this doesn't work, then this is my life and I am petrified of failing and having to life the rest of my life in this body. That's the 10% why I'm still scared to get it.