soccermomx2

Well - this is my first posting and first blog so here goes!
 
I feel lately I have had a lot of firsts....first major surgery, first time putting myself first, first time owning my health, etc
 
I have to say that it definitely is hard to choose yourself first. Anyone with children, a spouse, family, etc knows what I mean. You feel as if you are cheating them out of being there. It has taken me many years to come to understand that what I thought as putting them first was actually an excuse for me to continue to be unhealthy. How was I putting them first if I wasn't taking the best care of myself? This is a VERY hard lesson to learn. As I look around at my family members and family history of chronic weight related issues I put my foot down. There was a voice deep down saying "me, me...did you forget that I am here?" This time I chose to listen.
 
I have not always been overweight...alright "morbidly obese". This is something that has been rolling along pretty much for the past 15 years. You know the story....get married (get comfortable), have children (more comfortable with a few pounds) and before you know it you are a shell of the person you once were. Years go by and you lose a little and gain more and back and forth. Many of us have the same story. My weight loss surgery journey originally began two and a half years ago, Dec 2009 with a seminar for the lap band. I went and listened and then said I will give it another try of doing it myself and bailed on following through. Two years later I found myself at the seminar again with a firm grip on my nerves and actually listened with more conviction about choosing me first.
 
After going through the 3 months of NUT, psych appointment, surgeon visits and pre-op testing...I took a leap of faith with myself and God .
I had clear liquids 24 hrs before surgery and was officially sleeved on 7/17 at 10am.
 
I am currently 10 days post-op and completely intrenched in the full liquid diet. What can you say about liquids? Not a whole lot . Anyway, I am just passing time until Tues when I get to start the greatly anticipated puree stage. Never thought I would be so excited about eating food the consistency of baby food. But here I am and readily counting the hours.
 
This past 2 weeks has given me time to do a lot of thinking!! Sometimes I wonder if the liquid stage is just as much for learning to listen to your body and conquering some of your food obsession as it is about letting your body heal.
 
I have found that everyday that voice is getting a little stronger and I can't wait to begin to have NSVs and see the weight come off. I will take each day of passing time to consider the gift I have been given of my life, living longer, spending more time with family and friends. I am 38 years old and have a lifetime ahead of me and plan to make it the best I can!!

Well - this is my first posting and first blog so here goes!
 
I feel lately I have had a lot of firsts....first major surgery, first time putting myself first, first time owning my health, etc
 
I have to say that it definitely is hard to choose yourself first. Anyone with children, a spouse, family, etc knows what I mean. You feel as if you are cheating them out of being there. It has taken me many years to come to understand that what I thought as putting them first was actually an excuse for me to continue to be unhealthy. How was I putting them first if I wasn't taking the best care of myself? This is a VERY hard lesson to learn. As I look around at my family members and family history of chronic weight related issues I put my foot down. There was a voice deep down saying "me, me...did you forget that I am here?" This time I chose to listen.
 
I have not always been overweight...alright "morbidly obese". This is something that has been rolling along pretty much for the past 15 years. You know the story....get married (get comfortable), have children (more comfortable with a few pounds) and before you know it you are a shell of the person you once were. Years go by and you lose a little and gain more and back and forth. Many of us have the same story. My weight loss surgery journey originally began two and a half years ago, Dec 2009 with a seminar for the lap band. I went and listened and then said I will give it another try of doing it myself and bailed on following through. Two years later I found myself at the seminar again with a firm grip on my nerves and actually listened with more conviction about choosing me first.
 
After going through the 3 months of NUT, psych appointment, surgeon visits and pre-op testing...I took a leap of faith with myself and God .
I had clear liquids 24 hrs before surgery and was officially sleeved on 7/17 at 10am.
 
I am currently 10 days post-op and completely intrenched in the full liquid diet. What can you say about liquids? Not a whole lot . Anyway, I am just passing time until Tues when I get to start the greatly anticipated puree stage. Never thought I would be so excited about eating food the consistency of baby food. But here I am and readily counting the hours.
 
This past 2 weeks has given me time to do a lot of thinking!! Sometimes I wonder if the liquid stage is just as much for learning to listen to your body and conquering some of your food obsession as it is about letting your body heal.
 
I have found that everyday that voice is getting a little stronger and I can't wait to begin to have NSVs and see the weight come off. I will take each day of passing time to consider the gift I have been given of my life, living longer, spending more time with family and friends. I am 38 years old and have a lifetime ahead of me and plan to make it the best I can!!

Well - this is my first posting and first blog so here goes!
 
I feel lately I have had a lot of firsts....first major surgery, first time putting myself first, first time owning my health, etc
 
I have to say that it definitely is hard to choose yourself first. Anyone with children, a spouse, family, etc knows what I mean. You feel as if you are cheating them out of being there. It has taken me many years to come to understand that what I thought as putting them first was actually an excuse for me to continue to be unhealthy. How was I putting them first if I wasn't taking the best care of myself? This is a VERY hard lesson to learn. As I look around at my family members and family history of chronic weight related issues I put my foot down. There was a voice deep down saying "me, me...did you forget that I am here?" This time I chose to listen.
 
I have not always been overweight...alright "morbidly obese". This is something that has been rolling along pretty much for the past 15 years. You know the story....get married (get comfortable), have children (more comfortable with a few pounds) and before you know it you are a shell of the person you once were. Years go by and you lose a little and gain more and back and forth. Many of us have the same story. My weight loss surgery journey originally began two and a half years ago, Dec 2009 with a seminar for the lap band. I went and listened and then said I will give it another try of doing it myself and bailed on following through. Two years later I found myself at the seminar again with a firm grip on my nerves and actually listened with more conviction about choosing me first.
 
After going through the 3 months of NUT, psych appointment, surgeon visits and pre-op testing...I took a leap of faith with myself and God .
I had clear liquids 24 hrs before surgery and was officially sleeved on 7/17 at 10am.
 
I am currently 10 days post-op and completely intrenched in the full liquid diet. What can you say about liquids? Not a whole lot . Anyway, I am just passing time until Tues when I get to start the greatly anticipated puree stage. Never thought I would be so excited about eating food the consistency of baby food. But here I am and readily counting the hours.
 
This past 2 weeks has given me time to do a lot of thinking!! Sometimes I wonder if the liquid stage is just as much for learning to listen to your body and conquering some of your food obsession as it is about letting your body heal.
 
I have found that everyday that voice is getting a little stronger and I can't wait to begin to have NSVs and see the weight come off. I will take each day of passing time to consider the gift I have been given of my life, living longer, spending more time with family and friends. I am 38 years old and have a lifetime ahead of me and plan to make it the best I can!!

Well - this is my first posting and first blog so here goes!
 
I feel lately I have had a lot of firsts....first major surgery, first time putting myself first, first time owning my health, etc
 
I have to say that it definitely is hard to choose yourself first. Anyone with children, a spouse, family, etc knows what I mean. You feel as if you are cheating them out of being there. It has taken me many years to come to understand that what I thought as putting them first was actually an excuse for me to continue to be unhealthy. How was I putting them first if I wasn't taking the best care of myself? This is a VERY hard lesson to learn. As I look around at my family members and family history of chronic weight related issues I put my foot down. There was a voice deep down saying "me, me...did you forget that I am here?" This time I chose to listen.
 
I have not always been overweight...alright "morbidly obese". This is something that has been rolling along pretty much for the past 15 years. You know the story....get married (get comfortable), have children (more comfortable with a few pounds) and before you know it you are a shell of the person you once were. Years go by and you lose a little and gain more and back and forth. Many of us have the same story. My weight loss surgery journey originally began two and a half years ago, Dec 2009 with a seminar for the lap band. I went and listened and then said I will give it another try of doing it myself and bailed on following through. Two years later I found myself at the seminar again with a firm grip on my nerves and actually listened with more conviction about choosing me first.
 
After going through the 3 months of NUT, psych appointment, surgeon visits and pre-op testing...I took a leap of faith with myself and God .
I had clear liquids 24 hrs before surgery and was officially sleeved on 7/17 at 10am.
 
I am currently 10 days post-op and completely intrenched in the full liquid diet. What can you say about liquids? Not a whole lot . Anyway, I am just passing time until Tues when I get to start the greatly anticipated puree stage. Never thought I would be so excited about eating food the consistency of baby food. But here I am and readily counting the hours.
 
This past 2 weeks has given me time to do a lot of thinking!! Sometimes I wonder if the liquid stage is just as much for learning to listen to your body and conquering some of your food obsession as it is about letting your body heal.
 
I have found that everyday that voice is getting a little stronger and I can't wait to begin to have NSVs and see the weight come off. I will take each day of passing time to consider the gift I have been given of my life, living longer, spending more time with family and friends. I am 38 years old and have a lifetime ahead of me and plan to make it the best I can!!

Well - this is my first posting and first blog so here goes!
 
I feel lately I have had a lot of firsts....first major surgery, first time putting myself first, first time owning my health, etc
 
I have to say that it definitely is hard to choose yourself first. Anyone with children, a spouse, family, etc knows what I mean. You feel as if you are cheating them out of being there. It has taken me many years to come to understand that what I thought as putting them first was actually an excuse for me to continue to be unhealthy. How was I putting them first if I wasn't taking the best care of myself? This is a VERY hard lesson to learn. As I look around at my family members and family history of chronic weight related issues I put my foot down. There was a voice deep down saying "me, me...did you forget that I am here?" This time I chose to listen.
 
I have not always been overweight...alright "morbidly obese". This is something that has been rolling along pretty much for the past 15 years. You know the story....get married (get comfortable), have children (more comfortable with a few pounds) and before you know it you are a shell of the person you once were. Years go by and you lose a little and gain more and back and forth. Many of us have the same story. My weight loss surgery journey originally began two and a half years ago, Dec 2009 with a seminar for the lap band. I went and listened and then said I will give it another try of doing it myself and bailed on following through. Two years later I found myself at the seminar again with a firm grip on my nerves and actually listened with more conviction about choosing me first.
 
After going through the 3 months of NUT, psych appointment, surgeon visits and pre-op testing...I took a leap of faith with myself and God .
I had clear liquids 24 hrs before surgery and was officially sleeved on 7/17 at 10am.
 
I am currently 10 days post-op and completely intrenched in the full liquid diet. What can you say about liquids? Not a whole lot . Anyway, I am just passing time until Tues when I get to start the greatly anticipated puree stage. Never thought I would be so excited about eating food the consistency of baby food. But here I am and readily counting the hours.
 
This past 2 weeks has given me time to do a lot of thinking!! Sometimes I wonder if the liquid stage is just as much for learning to listen to your body and conquering some of your food obsession as it is about letting your body heal.
 
I have found that everyday that voice is getting a little stronger and I can't wait to begin to have NSVs and see the weight come off. I will take each day of passing time to consider the gift I have been given of my life, living longer, spending more time with family and friends. I am 38 years old and have a lifetime ahead of me and plan to make it the best I can!!

Well - this is my first posting and first blog so here goes!
 
I feel lately I have had a lot of firsts....first major surgery, first time putting myself first, first time owning my health, etc
 
I have to say that it definitely is hard to choose yourself first. Anyone with children, a spouse, family, etc knows what I mean. You feel as if you are cheating them out of being there. It has taken me many years to come to understand that what I thought as putting them first was actually an excuse for me to continue to be unhealthy. How was I putting them first if I wasn't taking the best care of myself? This is a VERY hard lesson to learn. As I look around at my family members and family history of chronic weight related issues I put my foot down. There was a voice deep down saying "me, me...did you forget that I am here?" This time I chose to listen.
 
I have not always been overweight...alright "morbidly obese". This is something that has been rolling along pretty much for the past 15 years. You know the story....get married (get comfortable), have children (more comfortable with a few pounds) and before you know it you are a shell of the person you once were. Years go by and you lose a little and gain more and back and forth. Many of us have the same story. My weight loss surgery journey originally began two and a half years ago, Dec 2009 with a seminar for the lap band. I went and listened and then said I will give it another try of doing it myself and bailed on following through. Two years later I found myself at the seminar again with a firm grip on my nerves and actually listened with more conviction about choosing me first.
 
After going through the 3 months of NUT, psych appointment, surgeon visits and pre-op testing...I took a leap of faith with myself and God .
I had clear liquids 24 hrs before surgery and was officially sleeved on 7/17 at 10am.
 
I am currently 10 days post-op and completely intrenched in the full liquid diet. What can you say about liquids? Not a whole lot . Anyway, I am just passing time until Tues when I get to start the greatly anticipated puree stage. Never thought I would be so excited about eating food the consistency of baby food. But here I am and readily counting the hours.
 
This past 2 weeks has given me time to do a lot of thinking!! Sometimes I wonder if the liquid stage is just as much for learning to listen to your body and conquering some of your food obsession as it is about letting your body heal.
 
I have found that everyday that voice is getting a little stronger and I can't wait to begin to have NSVs and see the weight come off. I will take each day of passing time to consider the gift I have been given of my life, living longer, spending more time with family and friends. I am 38 years old and have a lifetime ahead of me and plan to make it the best I can!!

SW 242 Height 4'11''
6 month Pre-op loss (-28.6)
Surgery date 8/8/11 213.4
 
1 month - 194.2 (- 19.2)
2 months - 180 (- 14.2)
3 months - 170.2 (- 9.8)
4 months - 164.4 (- 5.8)
5 months - 167.2 (+ 2.8)
6 months - 162.4 (-4.8)
7 months - 155.4 (-7)
8 months - 149.6 (-5.8)
9 months - 143.4 (-6.2)
10 months - 139 (-4.4)
11 months - 132.6 (-6.4)

My last meal was bruschetta, little toasted pieces of baguette, rubbed with garlic, laden with chopped tomatoes and basil. I thought maybe I would never be able to eat them again, I mourned a little that it had come to this, I was excited to have hope again, I was already bookmarking favorites in online shopping, filling the imaginary shopping cart with pretty items in never before dreamt of sizes.
 
Two years ago today I woke very early, 6 perhaps, amazing how some things get forgotten ... I had drunk the horrific milk of magnesia the night before and had my final water at the same time and now was nervous and thirsty, the adrenaline making both sensations all the more acute. My Mother and I were at a hotel around the corner from the hospital and we drove there, or did we take the shuttle? I was in my pyjamas, having just showered with the special cleanser they gave me. I was private pay from one of the best surgical teams for VSG in the world, Laparascopic Associates of San Francisco, so I got a pretty 5 star treatment, private changing room, garment bag for my things, robes etc. with the LASF logo stitched on. I must have been nervous but my adrenaline kept me from really feeling much. My Mom and I waited in a private room, I laid on a bed in my gowns. One last trip to the bathroom and it was off to the OR to meet the kindest anesthesiologist ever, I think she had all sorts of dogs printed on her surgical cap, that's all I remember ...
Next thing, I was waking up in my room with a view of the City, in and out of consciousness ... there were popsicles ... there was walking ... there was feeling like I was going to barf but nothing happening ... I didn't pee when they wanted me to and a few other things so I spent an extra day in the hospital ...
 
The following few days are mostly a blur, 2 years later my Mother tells me the timeline of events during those days and it's all news to me. I spent 3 weeks recovering in the country, in a little cottage up the coast a few hours from SF. That first night I stayed on the couch in a sitting position and the following 3 nights I slept in bed but only on my side as sleeping on my back gave me terrible sensations. My body was a foreign landscape that first week and for the first month I felt as close to vampiric as one can, I had no human bodily functions - no need to pee or poop, no interest in human food, in fact a revulsion of nearly every food or beverage.
 
Before I walked into the OR they weighed me one last time, 294. 2 weeks later I came back for a check up and they weighed me, 274. 20 pounds! Those first 20 pounds were more stunning than the following 100. After all the research, all the thinking, all the talking to sleevers, it still had never genuinely sunk in that this was real and that it really does work. I sat in my Dr's office, stunned!
 
There are plenty of people here on VST who tell delightful tales of reaching and exceeding their goals within 6 months, how they are now under goal, wear a size 0, and chirp chirp chirp, tweet tweet tweet. Well, good for them, wish I was one. That has never been my VSG story however. It was a full year before I joined the century club and 2 years out I am still shy of surgeon's goal by approx. 25 lbs and personal by approx. 50.
 
Two years out I sometimes still reflexively tense up when I sit in a chair with arms, genuinely expecting to not be able to fit into it. I still stiffen up when in crowds, thinking people are staring and staring for negative reasons. I still FEEL fat often, I still feel frustrated that after so much time and effort I still probably look like a pudgy lazy bones to the average lay person, but I would rather be at this stage of the game rather than having never begun and still at square one!
 
I've learned that losing weight and becoming physically active and strong does solve a lot of problems and does bring a lot of simple joy but that losing weight or becoming a specific size doesn't automatically confer happiness and that fat or thin life can just suck sometimes. Weight loss is NOT a fairy tale prince come to swoop me onto a horse and ride me off into a happily ever after sunset, a fact that honestly, I am still trying to come to terms with.
 
One final thought, I think I might not have made the decision or had the success I have had or a lot of positive things if it weren't for this forum and the support I've found here. Fellow sleevers from around the world have supported me, advised me, commiserated with me and have just been indispensable on this journey. I hope I have been able to give some of that back. Here's to the continued adventures, the continued seeking of and eventual attainment of goals, for me and for us all,
 
-Globetrotter

I've been doing good on my 5 days pre-op diet, no cheating. My husband has been hanging with me and really encouraging me. But, 2 days and I will be on the other side of this weight-loss journey.

I've always said, I will not listen to anyone giving me advice who hasn't been through the same journey. I hope that my story will add some credibility to my posts and inspire someone considered WLS.
 
I'm on a quest to find the woman I lost years ago. She's somewhere in this body, I know that, I just haven't seen here in almost a decade. I'm almost 300 pounds on a 5 foot 7 frame. My family medical history is like Wal-Mart, you name it someone has it. I want to break the cycle of high blood pressure, diabetes, heart disease, cancer, etc. . I can't get back the years I've already lost, but I can make the years I have left that much better.
 
I have a carb addiction, disillusion about the amount of food I should be eating, and an emotional eating habit. I was taught as a child to clean my plate, I remember at 8 years old looking forward to going to my grandma's because she always had pound cake made, and dinner consisted of meat, a few veggies, heaping mounds of carbs (rice/potatos) and rolls. 20 Years I've been addicted to carbs. My mom and I could go to a restaurant and finish an entire basket of rolls before our food came and still eat everything on our plate, plus another basket of rolls. Needless to say, I've never had a good example when it came to eating.
 
Fast forward through middle school, when at 5"7 and 130 lbs I was the tallest girl in my entire school. Talk about a complex. At 9 I thought I was fat. Junior high, I'm still tall and muscular but everyone else is catching up. Rumors start that I'm taking steroids. Hence another complex about being "thick" and muscular.
 
High School, the Revolution Years. I rebelled against EVERYTHING! Stress at home= emotional eating. I remember coming home from school and eating half a loaf of bread, toasted with butter and jelly because it made me feel better. Nutrition? What's that? It wasn't taught at our school. Lunch for 4 years, FOUR YEARS, consisted of chili cheese fries with extra cheese and sweet and sour dipping sauce, juice or soda, and some other high carb or fried food. FOUR. YEARS. I do remember a salad but it was far and few in-between. I think back on this and I cringe. What the heck are we doing to our kids??? My saving grace was band. The amount of practice we did counteracted some of the weight gain. I stayed around 180-200 lbs.
 
College, the fittest years of my life. I decided to major in Nutrition, the one thing I had no knowledge of. Freedom to come and go as I pleased means more time in the gym. HBCU band practice consisted of intense PT at 5 am and intense practice from 3-7. I was at my fittest ever. I wouldn't believe it myself if I didn't have pics to prove it.
 
Grad school I continued my good gym habits, but even a nutrition degree can't combat the psychological condition of emotional eating. I started gaining weight. Then I got pregnant. My weight shot up to 230 with the first pregnancy and miscarriage and I gained 20 more from the stress. Pregnant again at 260 with the help of pills. I went up to 285. Lost 20 and have been stuck at 270 for 3 years.
 
This brings us to today. 10 days from VSG surgery and positive about where my life is heading. I'm not one for sharing a lot of personal information, but I will try to keep this "blog" updated as I progress through. I need to learn how to let people in and break down this brick wall that I've built.