Bamabander

OK this is the low down... YES I did get that piece of cake but guess what... it wasn't that great, It did taste very good but IT IS ONLY FOOD!!! I think for years now my thoughts and cravings are more about my mind than my taste buds. Don't get me wrong it tasted good but not as good as my mind made it seem like it should be... I have given this extra dimension to food for years and have just realized it. I feel a little shell shocked still but let me say it again... ITS JUST FOOD!!!
 
You know how you work so hard to plan the "perfect Christmas Morning?" Months and months of attending to every detail.. I make these gorgeous bows and make home made gift tags for each gift. I shop and shop and shop finding the a perfect gifts, I stress and spend and swear I will never do it again because every year they rip through the gifts with very little notice to the hours I have spent wrapping etc and inevitably we have a return pile for all those "perfect gifts" but you know why I do it... I do it because I am chasing the Norman Rockwell version of Christmas painted on a card, Not the real Christmas we celebrate, where our PJ's dont match, we have bed head and to be completly honest I will undoubtedly have smeared mascara on my face from being up so late making everything so perfect, that I fall asleep without even washing my face or brushing my teeth...
 
Now the point is... (drum roll please)..... I have made every craving, every food fantasy into the erotic unatainable perfect "meal or snack or whatever" in my mind... it WILL NEVER be as good in my mouth as it is in my mind! Norman Rockwell doesn't live in CAKE!!!
 
Can anyone else agree with me or have I truly gone off the proverbial deep end??

Well this is a whole new world for me... first of all blogging and sharing my little piece of the world is intriguing but leaves me feeling wel, a little naked... I have decided if I am doing this I am giving 100%.. all truth, all feelings, triumphs and struggles and why not. This is my personal one year diary of how I become a butterfly and I can not wait to read the end. I really hope to find freinds and supporters that will challenge, cheer and just share as I explore the next 12 months..
 
Now the nitty gritty... I am currently waiting for insurance approval for lap band... I am actually having banded plication but there is no billable code for this yet.. so the surgeon is able to do it. It is a fairly new procedure that is to increase weight loss results short term, keep long term results and is actually thought to decrease th chance of band slippage and is minimally invasive compared to other WLS currently done.
 
I am hoping that this is the right tool to enhance my journey... maybe journey is the wrong word... maybe life long scavenger hunt to find a healthier me... and I am sure if you are reading this you know what I mean. I was a fat child, an overweight teen, a starving but almost thin college person and then I was married and had my first child... I went from eating barely 900 calories a day and constant exercising to maintain a size 10 to.. I am eating for two...90 pounds later my 7 pound 6 oz baby was born and I am still blaming it on baby fat.. even though that baby is about to turn 20 and I had two more since and all are teen agers... yes I have tried and done most diets... my most successful was Weight Watchers, I lost 60 pounds and maintained that loss for about 2 weeks... yep 2 weeks, since then I have gained it all back and added 20 more... I have gained 80 pounds.. seems incredible and impossible but yet it is true.. how, well that I struggle with. I put more calories in my mouth than i burn but on paper not enough to gain 80 pounds.. I've had my thyroid tested and it's fine, so it leaves me at a loss.
 
I am hoping that this is my last attempt at losing and I can make this one year endeavor my swan song for losing weight... please join me, I'm gonna need a lot of suport!