ShapeShifter

I would love to hear that you are learning to love yourself exactly as you are. Try not to say things to yourself that you would never say to another. You are going through metamorphosis... the catterpillar doesn't become a butterfly overnight, but the courage to change is worthy of praise and celebration - even before the big reveal and unfurling of wings. You are a warrior woman, taking control of your life. Celebrate that... and then look upon your new body with new eyes!

I can relate to shame in a really big way. There have been times when every step I've taken has been in pain or shame. Your resolution to yourself as you move into your 30s reminded me of my facebook post today:
“Marry yourself first -- promise never to leave you!”~SARK~ This reminds me of how we sometimes compromise ourselves for the (imagined) happiness of others. Imagine making vows to yourself... a promise to always love and cherish yourself, to be gentle and honest with yourself, to care for your body in sickness and in health, and to always be loyal, supportive, and forgiving of yourself. Consider buying yourself a ring and in a small, private ceremony... declare to the world that for the rest of your days... you shall be committed to loving the most important person in your life... YOU. HAPPY MONDAY! ♥

...and it is a first step in the right direction! We all have to start somewhere, but the important thing is continuing on this journey and seeing it through.
I do understand the guilt that goes along with leaving the guys as I'm in a similar situation at work. I'm heavily relied upon and I do feel bad if I take too much time off. Well, perhaps that or I just hate coming back to several hundred emails... ha!
Anyhow, many blessings to you as you begin the first step to the rest of your life. I took that step a few years ago and I don't regret a single one along the way - even the missteps!! *hugs*

Love your post, even if it is "only" your thought process. You are very well-written and articulate. I don't do as well on internet forums, although I can write formally when it is necessary.
I would definitely consider taking a bit more time than you think you will need. No one is irreplaceable, and the boss' will appreciate you more for having time to miss you.
Good luck on your journey!!

I am also in the research phase, while moving through the process to see if my insurance will cover it. I joined a WLS support group last night, and I intend to meet with them regularly to help myself prepare for my possible future. All the best to you and your quest.

{{DOOTER}} Patience and persistence will pay off, I promise (I must believe this). Be gentle with yourself and take long walks with loving words for yourself in your heart.

Congratulations! *envious* ; )

Thanks, Sam!

Total nerd lover, here. I love the analogy you've used. Brilliant and expressive. Don't worry... we will be 'your Sam', you won't have to make that journey alone. Congratulations on your great accomplishment so far. I am still working on the insurance angle, and don't even have a date, (I long to be Legolas - light as a feather, walking atop the snow) and so I am the fellowship left for another task, yet carrying you in my thoughts and knowing you will reach your goal. I'll catch up to you in that enchanted place, some day.

I am so sorry you are hurting. Please know that you are never alone, for we are all one. This community is incredibly supportive and many walk a similar path, with similar hopes and dreams for the future. Hormones are clearly affected in this process, so forgive yourself for being emotional - you are in the process of changing your life and creating your future. Try to consume your required protein and water, for I've read that really helps, and if you can, get outside and take a walk. Start slow and short, and go further each day. That should help work out and release the pain that is trapped in your body, which has been through a bit of trauma recently. This will get better and you will be able to share your experience with those (like me) coming up this path behind you. Wishing you WELL!

"Broken pieces" says it all. I'm looking forward to reading about your journey. Thank you for opening your heart to us. xoxo