gramaof4

I am so excited....The Wii can no longer tell me to "GET OFF", it used to tell me how mobildy obese I was and until I changed that it would not let me play I was "TOO FAT". Well today I had the most amazing thing happen, I stepped on the scale and low and behold it read under 300#, this is the first time in over 12 yrs...I can say that I have seen the number under my feet.
 
I have so much energy and have rewarded myself with new dining room walls and living room wainscoting....LOL, funny it used to be I would reward myself with a candy bar or a big tub of ice cream....
 
I am so thankful to Dr. Aceves and Dr. Campoz for giving me the tool to change the rest of my life. My son always asks "mom, can you have ......?" "well I can but I prefer not to." I found during the sermon on Sunday a perfect responce to his question.... I Cor 6:12 "Everything is permissable, but everything is not beneficial". Now that sums up the moto for the rest of my life...

There is a comedian that talks about how even as an adult he laughs everytime he squirts out the shampoo and it makes a PPHHFFLLTT sound. Well, I guess I am like that. There are two things I have seen on here that just made me think like a 12 year old...
 
1. In a perfectly serious and nice forum post one user posted "It is official, I am in a stall." Then she went on to describe her frustration at her weight not moving at all for like 2 weeks. Definitely a stall and a very frustrating one. Nothing to laugh at....... Well, all I could think of when I first read the headline was that she was stuck in a public bathroom somewhere. I can just see me stuck in a bathroom - and being the goof that I am - I would text something like....It's official, I'm in a stall!. Sorta had to be there, but I thought it was funny
 
2. The one thing that really cracks me up... and I am dying - literally dying - to be able to use this on some unsuspecting person. In this very specific subject website we have our own vocabulary that no one else uses (foamies, sliming, etc.) And we all know what we mean because there is such a fine and narrow context built into all of our posts. However, we fling around the terms pre-op and post-op like we own them. We do not own them. There is another very narrowly defined group that uses these very same words. And they are not talking about having your stomach cut off. They are aiming lower -much lower.
 
I hope I can just drop in a conversation somewhere that I am 2 months post-op with no additional information. Then just watch to see how people treat me. We all know that big people are treated different. But I can only imagine that if people thought I had just gone through surgery to change my "accessories." That would be hilarious. I couls also probably answer questions honestly. Did it hurt? no. How long were you in the hospital? not long. Do you feel different? oh yes!! Do people treat you differently? yes. Was your family supportive? Yes, especially my wife and kids - that ought to get a look.
 
Then go for the total freak out. Do you want to see my incisions?

I've read many blogs, entries on the site and really my story is yours. I wondered what was I going to write when it seem like repetitious in nature. Hmmmm, I thought, I alway stay silent because I think my voice is unworthy of being heard. I said to myself, I will write whatever I want. I never utilize support systems. I've always figured it out myself and held my own. It is part of the reason I have failed at weight loss. I literally have carried the weight of "my world" on my shoulders, thighs, stomach, jaw and everywhere. I told myself it is time to do something different. Writing this blog is my public voice through written words. I am always behind the scenes. I take pictures.....................of other people, as I stand behind the camera. I am in meetings, listening, silencing my voice. Anyway, a friend told me I should do a video diary of my weight loss. I was like, he must be crazy. Then I thought, I have to do the opposite.
I started videotaping me yesterday. I was like "UGH" I look horrible. I was like, is this what people see when they see me? It is a reality check. I sucked it up and kept videotaping. It became a necessity as I will channel my discontentment into losing this weight when I get Sleeved. Let me tell you a little about me.
First of all, 10 years ago I lost 100 pounds on my own. I worked out, juiced, made smoothies and ate pretty healthy. Four years later I was diagnosed with rectal cancer. I had major surgery,radiation treatment and then chemotherapy. Sometime after I finished my treatment I became depressed. My body was so different. I had problems I never had before....I still do. I gained weight. Eventually I had LapBand surgery. It helped me lose some weight but then it stopped working. I thought the problem was me. I changed health providers only to have same issue. I gained more weight. Well, in June 2012, fed up I went to surgeon's office to give LapBand another try. What I found out is that my band had a leak....it was defective. All the time I thought it was me and it was the darn band. So, I like many, went through the process of trying to get approved to have it removed. Last week I got approval to have band removed and to be sleeved.
It is a month away and it cannot come soon enough. I have an 8 day cruise in between now and the surgery and I swear I don't want to go on cruise. I want to reschedule my surgery to earlier and use my vacation to recover. I am trying to be patient but I feel like I will finally get a turn to have weight loss. It has been hard to lose weight with depression, body aches and challenges I cannot bring myself to put on paper at this point as a result of bowel resection surgery.
I feel I let myself go and this surgery offers me an opportunity to get my life back. I've always wanted to be fit, active and eating right but when your mind becomes your own enemy, the simpliest thing becomes most challenging. Everyday people don't get it. I used to try to help them understand but I've concluded most want to believe what they want to believe so I leave them right there in their ignorance.
Another thing that pushes me to "do something" is I have moved up in my professional career. I write that still not believing I got a job like I do. I have a position that thrushes me into the spotlight of my employer. Everyone will know who I am and have to deal with me at some point at my employer. I do public speaking and it is forcing me out of my comfort zone. It is also allowing people to see me as I saw myself in that video....UGH. I am better than this.
I've said many times that fat is not necessarily ugly. It is ugly when you don't wear it well, when you are not confident in your own skin, when you don't "rock" your fat.......................I am none of that.
This blog begins my journey of getting to a new me. I know I will never be who I was, I don't want to be who I am but I want to be someone who is comfortable in her soon to be new skin. I've been through a lot (most I have self minimized) but I know good things are to come because I can confidently say I deserve it. My first ever blog..............................the journey begins.....my voice shall be heard.

I am so excited....The Wii can no longer tell me to "GET OFF", it used to tell me how mobildy obese I was and until I changed that it would not let me play I was "TOO FAT". Well today I had the most amazing thing happen, I stepped on the scale and low and behold it read under 300#, this is the first time in over 12 yrs...I can say that I have seen the number under my feet.
 
I have so much energy and have rewarded myself with new dining room walls and living room wainscoting....LOL, funny it used to be I would reward myself with a candy bar or a big tub of ice cream....
 
I am so thankful to Dr. Aceves and Dr. Campoz for giving me the tool to change the rest of my life. My son always asks "mom, can you have ......?" "well I can but I prefer not to." I found during the sermon on Sunday a perfect responce to his question.... I Cor 6:12 "Everything is permissable, but everything is not beneficial". Now that sums up the moto for the rest of my life...

I am so excited....The Wii can no longer tell me to "GET OFF", it used to tell me how mobildy obese I was and until I changed that it would not let me play I was "TOO FAT". Well today I had the most amazing thing happen, I stepped on the scale and low and behold it read under 300#, this is the first time in over 12 yrs...I can say that I have seen the number under my feet.
 
I have so much energy and have rewarded myself with new dining room walls and living room wainscoting....LOL, funny it used to be I would reward myself with a candy bar or a big tub of ice cream....
 
I am so thankful to Dr. Aceves and Dr. Campoz for giving me the tool to change the rest of my life. My son always asks "mom, can you have ......?" "well I can but I prefer not to." I found during the sermon on Sunday a perfect responce to his question.... I Cor 6:12 "Everything is permissable, but everything is not beneficial". Now that sums up the moto for the rest of my life...

I am so excited....The Wii can no longer tell me to "GET OFF", it used to tell me how mobildy obese I was and until I changed that it would not let me play I was "TOO FAT". Well today I had the most amazing thing happen, I stepped on the scale and low and behold it read under 300#, this is the first time in over 12 yrs...I can say that I have seen the number under my feet.
 
I have so much energy and have rewarded myself with new dining room walls and living room wainscoting....LOL, funny it used to be I would reward myself with a candy bar or a big tub of ice cream....
 
I am so thankful to Dr. Aceves and Dr. Campoz for giving me the tool to change the rest of my life. My son always asks "mom, can you have ......?" "well I can but I prefer not to." I found during the sermon on Sunday a perfect responce to his question.... I Cor 6:12 "Everything is permissable, but everything is not beneficial". Now that sums up the moto for the rest of my life...

One of the major problems with losing weight and then regaining it is that all the cute smaller clothes hang in my closet taunting me!!
 
I have been having "one of those" weeks. I've done very well losing the required 25# for the surgeon to schedule my surgery. However, this week I hit a snag! Now in my head, I know I have eating correctly and I even added in riding my bike, but when the scale pops up it just does something to you. Well that's what happened...stupid scale was up 4#...4#!!!! I KNOW it's water, I KNOW it's that time of the month, I KNOW alot of stuff but apparently my scale doesn't care.
 
So take that, add in being bloated and irritable, and hot and sweaty! Now add in a special concert that hubby and I are going to (Third Day!!! Whoot Whoot) ...and enter the closet...it went something like this...
 
I have to figure out what I'm going to wear so I go check out my closet. Well I have 2 pairs of jeans that fit but dang it, it's 90 outside and I'm already sweating. So summery loose dress?? Ugh...I look pregnant! Take it off! So I try some capris....ok, these fit but the shirt I want to wear is too short, and my belly hangs out (YUCK)! I take it off and try another shirt...nope to tight around the bra region (hate the back fat bulge!!). Try another shirt....ick! Back to looking pregnant! Get mad, and put on one of my baggy tshirts! Flounce back out of the closet to try to put on makeup...but I'm sweating....UGH!!! Go stand in front of the fan!
 
Now, meanwhile hubby is showering and trying to be supportive. "Honey, you look good" "No that shirt looks fine" "It doesn't matter what you wear, I love you" You know, saying all the right stuff...but all I know is how I feel...and I feel like crap!!
 
So I get to the point, where I'm not going!! But hubby, bless his heart goes and finds an old Third Day thirt....which actually fits, hangs low enough to cover the belly, and doesn't make me look pregnant! Love that man! OK, fine...I'll go! And off to the concert we go.
 
And at the concert, after my little tantrum God showed me where I am making some progress....We actually got to do a meet and greet with Third Day and it was informal so we were sitting on the floor. Well I could get down on the floor, AND get back up under my own power. And then during the concert I fit in the seat, and didn't feel like I was pushing over on my neighbor. Little things, but I am making progress...slow progess...but progress in the right direction to get me my sleeve!!!! Now if only the scale would agree...unfortunately the doc doesn't take NSV...only numbers!!

I have since surgery lost 52 lbs....I have been dwelling on where I had lost the weight...to me my face looks no different (but people keep saying your face is thinner) to me my waist does not feel or look smaller (yet I am wearing a 24 vs. 28)...but I just do not SEE the difference...I still see myself as Fat (well I still am but a thinner fat...LOL)
 
I was sitting in my office yesterday when in came a woman from out in the county who is a very good and loyal customer....Who by the way did not have a clue that I had undergone sleeve surgery. She came in looking to purchase a product and before she could get out what she needed she burst into amazement and said
 
"What on earth are you doing to your self...you are like half the person!' You look absolutely great. You are just glowing....You look Great!"
 
Well Thank You Melinda, for complete validation. I know truly if someone who doesn't know about the surgery can see the loss then there must be some changes happening.
 
I am still swimming 3 X a week for and hour and soon I will begin walking the dog. I am getting ready to redo my dining room and living room, fresh paint and waines coat in the living room. I have so much more energy and my knees have quick screaming and my back doesn't scream as much!

I have since surgery lost 52 lbs....I have been dwelling on where I had lost the weight...to me my face looks no different (but people keep saying your face is thinner) to me my waist does not feel or look smaller (yet I am wearing a 24 vs. 28)...but I just do not SEE the difference...I still see myself as Fat (well I still am but a thinner fat...LOL)
 
I was sitting in my office yesterday when in came a woman from out in the county who is a very good and loyal customer....Who by the way did not have a clue that I had undergone sleeve surgery. She came in looking to purchase a product and before she could get out what she needed she burst into amazement and said
 
"What on earth are you doing to your self...you are like half the person!' You look absolutely great. You are just glowing....You look Great!"
 
Well Thank You Melinda, for complete validation. I know truly if someone who doesn't know about the surgery can see the loss then there must be some changes happening.
 
I am still swimming 3 X a week for and hour and soon I will begin walking the dog. I am getting ready to redo my dining room and living room, fresh paint and waines coat in the living room. I have so much more energy and my knees have quick screaming and my back doesn't scream as much!

Surgery date has been set for MAY 16th! whoa...that is a month away.
 
I dont know what I was really thinking when I went into my consultation last Friday--well yes I do, I thought maybe 3-6 months and Ill be going into surgery but now the reality is that by my 26th birthday (and my one year wedding anniversary) in September I will be 4 months post op and quite possibly under 200 lbs (30lbs in 4 mths seems doable)
 
I see my primary care physician today, thursday i see my nutritionist, and friday I have my psych eval.
 
Then pre-op diet begins after that!
 
I am excited!

I have since surgery lost 52 lbs....I have been dwelling on where I had lost the weight...to me my face looks no different (but people keep saying your face is thinner) to me my waist does not feel or look smaller (yet I am wearing a 24 vs. 28)...but I just do not SEE the difference...I still see myself as Fat (well I still am but a thinner fat...LOL)
 
I was sitting in my office yesterday when in came a woman from out in the county who is a very good and loyal customer....Who by the way did not have a clue that I had undergone sleeve surgery. She came in looking to purchase a product and before she could get out what she needed she burst into amazement and said
 
"What on earth are you doing to your self...you are like half the person!' You look absolutely great. You are just glowing....You look Great!"
 
Well Thank You Melinda, for complete validation. I know truly if someone who doesn't know about the surgery can see the loss then there must be some changes happening.
 
I am still swimming 3 X a week for and hour and soon I will begin walking the dog. I am getting ready to redo my dining room and living room, fresh paint and waines coat in the living room. I have so much more energy and my knees have quick screaming and my back doesn't scream as much!

I have went for 260 to 218 yea working it out.

So I am 4 days post op and I am feeling really guilty. I keep reading all these posts from people who are losing mass amounts of weight and I feel like I should be out there running marathons and exercising to the point of exhaustion. I walked around the block once tonight with my husband and we did it fairly quickly and thought that was an accomplishment but now im not feeling that way at all. I have been adhering to my liquid diet and I guess im just worried that I will not lose weight like everyone else is doing. Am I the only one who feels this way or am I alone in this boat? I want to be successful at this since I went through the surgery and made a conscious effort to change my life. I just dont think I can dedicate as much time as some people do to working out. I have 6 children that keep me busy as it is. Sigh. I feel like im just being lazy and it's making me feel very bad about myself.

Today was a fantastic day off and I got a bunch done. While my liquid diet officially starts on the 18th I've decided to start meal replacing now so that my the 18th I will only have to stop eating 1 meal instead of 3. I made some chicken broth today (it's pretty good) and cleaned my house. For some reason I feel this nesting instinct and have been cleaning like a mad woman. My apartment does look great though....
 
I was talking to a fellow surgery sisters and asked if she ever walked around looking at different bodies and wished she could take a butt from that lady, the legs from another, the stomach of a third and build the body she would have after surgery. Frankly, I've been playing Mrs. Potato Head, or Dr Frankenstein, like crazy lately. There was a lightening storm last week and I kept looking around waiting for Igor to show up! While part of me wishes the next two weeks could fly by, another part of me is actually enjoying the entire process and wanting to 'live in the moment'.
 
So here's a question: The USA has a very high obesity rate, but has anybody ever noticed that the 'normal' size clothes take up 2/3 of the space while the plus size gets shoved into a dark, dank corner? I want to shop in the normal section and not feel like I should be saying "Oh, I'm looking for somebody else, not for me *cue uncomfortable laugh*." Not only that, but I can't WAIT to be able to easily find clothes that are not button down, breast pocketed, striped shirts. Or frumpy. Or only in dark colors. Or with crazy grandma's floral print curtains pattern. I want to wear bright colors, with shirts that may be *gasp!* made of a thin silky material that clings to my body and doesn't show a muffin top. I want some knee high boots and some skinny jeans. I want to wear sundresses and tank tops without my arms looking bad. And dear god I want a pair of leather pants to go clubbing in! I miss dancing at clubs...
 
One thing I wonder is if losing weight will make me look older. Now, don't get me wrong, I fully appreciate not looking my age. Not only does my mom's family always tend to age well, but with my round and chubby face I get told I look like I could be in college. I turn 30 in six months. Has anybody else run into this where they either looked younger or looked older after the surgery? While I don't want to suddenly look older than my years, it might be nice to not get carded going into rated R movies. Or have bartenders look at my license like it's a fake. On the flip side I rake it in at the county fairs where they guess your age, especially if I don't wear makeup and put my hair in a ponytail. *amused*
 
Okay, babbling over and now it's off to finish laundry. I keep wishing that I will wake up someday and have had a brownie (the mythological creature who did housework and other chores in exchange for milk and bread) move in and start doing the chores for me! Dishes and laundry are such a pain.
 
Toodles, and I hope everybody has a great weekend!
 
-Lyra

Wow!! Today marks a 50 lb loss...the most I have ever lost in one sitting...and the weight continues to melt away....I am excited when I meet up with friends and family who havn't seen me in a while who compliment me on how thin my face looks and even my own brother says he can see the loss in my waist line....
 
Easter was a challenging day! I got up early and quickly whipped up 3 pumpkin pies and a chocolate cream pie. I put the big ole' ham in the oven to bake with a brown sugar mustard glaze like all the family loves. I baked up a sweet potatoe and defiled it with butter brown sugar and marshmellows. we did not have a turkey as we were at my daughters and this is what she had to prepare. I make a green bean cassarole and stuffing and a fruit salad, I peeled 5 lbs of potatoes and made mashed taters...and when it was all place in the buffet line for all to go thru, I took a teaspoon of everything and managed to finish most of it before feeling the satisfaction of eating Easter Dinner with my family as I always had in the past. I did skip the pies and the amazing desert buffet my sister in law had prepared but everyone else was able to indulge. Easter was a success!
 
I did not lose any weight over the holiday, however I did not gain any either.

Wow!! Today marks a 50 lb loss...the most I have ever lost in one sitting...and the weight continues to melt away....I am excited when I meet up with friends and family who havn't seen me in a while who compliment me on how thin my face looks and even my own brother says he can see the loss in my waist line....
 
Easter was a challenging day! I got up early and quickly whipped up 3 pumpkin pies and a chocolate cream pie. I put the big ole' ham in the oven to bake with a brown sugar mustard glaze like all the family loves. I baked up a sweet potatoe and defiled it with butter brown sugar and marshmellows. we did not have a turkey as we were at my daughters and this is what she had to prepare. I make a green bean cassarole and stuffing and a fruit salad, I peeled 5 lbs of potatoes and made mashed taters...and when it was all place in the buffet line for all to go thru, I took a teaspoon of everything and managed to finish most of it before feeling the satisfaction of eating Easter Dinner with my family as I always had in the past. I did skip the pies and the amazing desert buffet my sister in law had prepared but everyone else was able to indulge. Easter was a success!
 
I did not lose any weight over the holiday, however I did not gain any either.

Wow!! Today marks a 50 lb loss...the most I have ever lost in one sitting...and the weight continues to melt away....I am excited when I meet up with friends and family who havn't seen me in a while who compliment me on how thin my face looks and even my own brother says he can see the loss in my waist line....
 
Easter was a challenging day! I got up early and quickly whipped up 3 pumpkin pies and a chocolate cream pie. I put the big ole' ham in the oven to bake with a brown sugar mustard glaze like all the family loves. I baked up a sweet potatoe and defiled it with butter brown sugar and marshmellows. we did not have a turkey as we were at my daughters and this is what she had to prepare. I make a green bean cassarole and stuffing and a fruit salad, I peeled 5 lbs of potatoes and made mashed taters...and when it was all place in the buffet line for all to go thru, I took a teaspoon of everything and managed to finish most of it before feeling the satisfaction of eating Easter Dinner with my family as I always had in the past. I did skip the pies and the amazing desert buffet my sister in law had prepared but everyone else was able to indulge. Easter was a success!
 
I did not lose any weight over the holiday, however I did not gain any either.

Wow!! Today marks a 50 lb loss...the most I have ever lost in one sitting...and the weight continues to melt away....I am excited when I meet up with friends and family who havn't seen me in a while who compliment me on how thin my face looks and even my own brother says he can see the loss in my waist line....
 
Easter was a challenging day! I got up early and quickly whipped up 3 pumpkin pies and a chocolate cream pie. I put the big ole' ham in the oven to bake with a brown sugar mustard glaze like all the family loves. I baked up a sweet potatoe and defiled it with butter brown sugar and marshmellows. we did not have a turkey as we were at my daughters and this is what she had to prepare. I make a green bean cassarole and stuffing and a fruit salad, I peeled 5 lbs of potatoes and made mashed taters...and when it was all place in the buffet line for all to go thru, I took a teaspoon of everything and managed to finish most of it before feeling the satisfaction of eating Easter Dinner with my family as I always had in the past. I did skip the pies and the amazing desert buffet my sister in law had prepared but everyone else was able to indulge. Easter was a success!
 
I did not lose any weight over the holiday, however I did not gain any either.

I am home at last. I crawled into bed at approximately 1 a.m. I don't feel any pain or discomfort and I worked hard to get in liquids the whole day flying. I should have kept the compression socks they put on me for surgery and worn them as it was definitly uncomfortable sitting for so long. I got an aisle seat and got up at least once during each flight but I kept thinking of those darn blood clots!
 
I'm alive so I think I am good to go
 
My liquids yesterday included an 8 oz bottle of water, a 15 oz bottle of apple juice, a 16 oz bottle of apple juice, 2 oz of water on one plane and about 4 oz on the other plane. I wasn't hungry at all.
 
I had to go back to work today but I kept to a desk most of time and got up here and there. Had normal energy levels. Didn't feel like I was dragging (in fact if it weren't for the bandages still on my stomach and my inability to consume large sips of liquids I wouldn't even feel like I had a procedure). I keep waiting for an energy crash of some kind with the level of calories I am consuming but apparently my stored fat is keeping everything in check for now.
 
I am making my husband do my "heavy lifting" which included getting my luggage out of the car and bringing the full dirty laundry basket into the laundry room.
 
So far today I have had 8 oz of water, 16 oz of light cranberry juice, 8 oz beef broth, and 2 popsicles. I'm going for some light apple juice next and more beef broth for dinner.

Well today marks 4 wks to the day after my WLS, I have lost 45 lbs total since booking surgery date (14 lbs before surgery 31 since having the surgery).
 
I have been back to water arobics now for 2 weeks, and am loving every day....3 X a week with a group of 5 - 7 ladies...all are so supportive and tell me how wonderful I look. I don't see the loss really myself, but everyone comments on my face being thinner....now what I do notice is my pants falling down....never been much for the gangster look and I think on an old lady it is probably a fashion felony to show your granny panties...SO...I dug out my skinnier fat clothes to wear.
 
I have a number of my heavier friends and family tibbing my big lady clothes already....cuz I won't be in need of them any more. Yeeha.
 
I am feeling really good, my knees hardly even remind me they are hurting....and for the first time in many moons, hello your all gonna laugh...I am putting my own socks on my feet...The one thing I am now feeling is a little strain on the left side (I assume where my new stomach is) when I reach across my body to grab something...or when I bend down to pick something up or when I sneeze...this is a little unconfortable but not horrid pain.
 
I am now in the phase of starting to introduce real foods...I am very careful, last night we had shrimp and chicken fettecini with wheat penne pasta noodles...I know what's the use but my family will learn to eat healthier or they will lose some of the pounds they are holding as well...the new rule is eat what is served or don't eat at my house. I am tired of having to make 2 dinners after long day at work...eat what is planned.
 
I still am having a real hard time getting 500 calories a day and even harder time getting over 38 g of protein and 64 oz of liquid down....no way on earth!
 
Well Have a wonderful day all my loser friends and good luck to losing more!

May 14th! Waaaaaaa! The long awaited "date"! I feel like a beam of light from the heavens should shine down on me with some celestial music accompanying it. Well that is how it felt as I discussed the conversation with the pre-op coordinator on the phone. I tried to play it cool, but inside I couldn't wait to get off the phone so I could squeal like a little girl and do the happy dance. These past few weeks I have read over and over people posting their exciting messages about the date they have. I can feel the excitement in their posts and now I have joined the "date crew". This is all starting to move so fast. It's so real. I can't wait! My pre-op coordinator gave me a little more good news...no great news. I have been a self-pay up until today due to insurance not covering the procedure because I didn't meet criteria. Well, that is what they are telling anyone who inquires about the coverage right now, but the truth is the new criteria and policy do not begin until June. Because my surgery is before May, it will be covered and not allowed to audit after. Yay!!!

Dear Food,
I know you think I'm stupid for talking to you because...well, you're food and you can't hear me. I just want to tell you that it's been quite a ride these last 42 years. We've had our ups and ups and ups and ups and downs and ups and ups. It's time for our relationship to change. I'm not breaking up with you, because I still need you to live, however, our relationship has to change now. And really....believe me when I say...It's not you. It's me. I'm the one with the problem, so don't ever blame yourself. You're really sweet. And salty. And delicious...OH WHAT AM I SAYING....how can we ever part?? NO!! We must part for a time. Two weeks- no more than five, I promise. When we come back together- things will be different. You must hide your sweetness from me. Don't tempt me further with your refinements. I want to see the REAL you....the one with all the vitamins and minerals and protein...yes...I said protein. Hey, I told you things were going to change. And for pete's sake, stop bringing your friends around! But don't worry...you'll always have a place...sorta...close to my heart...
 
 
 
 
No, I didn't have a mental break. I start liquids Monday. (siiiigh)

March 10th, 2012
 
Yesterday they scheduled my endoscopy for Thursday, March 15th because they have to check for potential ulcers. I have been on NSAIDS (Advil) for a very long time in my life and take Omeprazole to prevent damage to my stomach. They want to make sure before we go ahead with surgery that everything looks okay inside. A bleeding ulcer would be contraindicated obviously. The last thing you want is to be bleeding after surgery. For this procedure and the surgery I have to stop all my intake of Advil indefinitely. As you may have read in previous entries, I have been running around on cloud nine the past few days. Well I have bad knees, ankles, hips, and shoulders. I woke up this morning with the worst joint pain I have had in years. I looked like a stiff mummy trying to come down my stairs this morning. I cannot take the Advil for it, only Tylenol. The Tylenol helps a little with the pain, but not the swelling. I assume once the weight starts to come off, the stress on the joints should reduce, hence the pain will hopefully reduce as well. I just have to be patient and endure this for a little while and hope for the best. My body is telling me to chill out a little bit today and stop trying to conquer the world in just one day. I'm going to listen to it.

I have been heavy up and down all my life. I had thought about the RNY but it seemed to drastic and way out of reach dolllar wize in the states. I recently just 2 years ago saw a dr. in Bend Oregon who before he would see me had to have cash up front of $2500 just for some simple tests and exam. well that was a waste of cash! well tax return came and went...other things are always more important than yourself.
 
I finally had a visit with a local girl in Burns who had Dr. Aceves perform her lap band...she was excited, happy with the care and services. The hospital was clean and quiet....she could not boast loud enough about the care she recieved, So I did some research and this is when I made the decision...this year was gonna be my time to shine. My knees are going to feel better when they are not packing 354 lbs of person on them.
 
This grama of 4 is gonna be a cool grama, one that can kneel down and kiss the babies and get down and play on the floor with them. My babies will never again say "Grama why you so tired all the time"....I am excited to start my new way of living.
 
I have lost my love life relationship with my husband, I want this back more than anything. He is not so supportive and over the years has become more of a roommate than a husband. I want this to change aas well, I want to rock his world again like I did the first time we met. I love him more than he knows.
 
I have very supportive friends and family during this time, so I am praying for a fast recovery and quick weight loss.
 
I will post more when I get home.

I have been heavy up and down all my life. I had thought about the RNY but it seemed to drastic and way out of reach dolllar wize in the states. I recently just 2 years ago saw a dr. in Bend Oregon who before he would see me had to have cash up front of $2500 just for some simple tests and exam. well that was a waste of cash! well tax return came and went...other things are always more important than yourself.
 
I finally had a visit with a local girl in Burns who had Dr. Aceves perform her lap band...she was excited, happy with the care and services. The hospital was clean and quiet....she could not boast loud enough about the care she recieved, So I did some research and this is when I made the decision...this year was gonna be my time to shine. My knees are going to feel better when they are not packing 354 lbs of person on them.
 
This grama of 4 is gonna be a cool grama, one that can kneel down and kiss the babies and get down and play on the floor with them. My babies will never again say "Grama why you so tired all the time"....I am excited to start my new way of living.
 
I have lost my love life relationship with my husband, I want this back more than anything. He is not so supportive and over the years has become more of a roommate than a husband. I want this to change aas well, I want to rock his world again like I did the first time we met. I love him more than he knows.
 
I have very supportive friends and family during this time, so I am praying for a fast recovery and quick weight loss.
 
I will post more when I get home.