DELETE THIS ACCOUNT!

You can TOTALLY do this!! And fyi- you are NOT failing!! You've managed to maintain your weight despite life handing you a big plate of stress and you've done it for months. That isn't failing, that's a huge accomplishment and something to be proud of.

Is it possible you're too tight? If you're taking small bites and chewing enough, you shouldn't be having all these problems.

I'm so glad your surgery went so smoothly and that your family is being so wonderful while you recover. I honestly believe you're going to do beautifully with the band.

Oh btw, I was totally excited for tuna too!

Very cool!

Btw, you totally rocked that pink shirt!

I have the same problem, Terry. I have one cheat day a month where I eat whatever I want and the next two days after are always hard. It's like it wakes up my hunger with a vengeance.

I'm the same way!

I am so sorry you're still dealing with asshatery at work. I'm even more sorry to hear you're struggling so much. But really, considering all you've been dealing with? It think it's awesome you've managed to maintain your weight despite recent obstacles. I think that's a huge accomplishment.

Please hang in there. We're with you in spirit and pulling for you!

((hugs))

Once again, I made the mistake of drinking coffee while reading your blog and almost nerfed it out my nose laughing.

Thank you

In case no one has figured it out...I am the husband LOL. I am happy Kelli has finally joined up on the site and she can hear things first hand from a woman's perspective/experiences. :-)

Hahaha I wondered if you were her husband!! I didn't say anything out of respect for both of your privacy, but as I read her story I was going in the back of my mind "hmmm, I bet this is Jim's wife!"

@Kelli, we're thrilled to have you with us!

Hunger is the body's natural response to needing fuel. Hunger will never totally go away but once you're past the post op diet and have adequate fluid in your band, it will be very well controlled and you'll be able to go long periods of time on little food.

The post op diet is rough. The symptoms you're describing are pretty common especially on the liquid phase of it. It will get easier as you progress back to normal food but right now it's crucial you heal properly so you have to tough out the post op diet. Just remember, it's a temporary and brief bump in the road and will soon be behind you.

Our stories are very similar!

Like you, I have been "the fat girl" my entire life. I can remember being as young as 5th grade and obsessed with how huge my thighs were. I remember being teased for being big all through junior high. I remember going shopping with my girlfriends in high school and being so ashamed because I couldn't wear anything at the "normal sized" shops they went to.

I did date as a teen but my self esteem was always awful. When I hit college, like you I decided to own being a fat girl. I had more self confidence and I decided I didn't give a rip if someone did like me for me- fat and all.

...but then I had my first child at 21 years old...and got bigger and bigger. Over the years I ballooned up to over 400 pounds. Any self esteem I ever had was long gone and my health was seriously tanking fast.

My best advice is to let go of that "fat girl" mentality. Too often we wear it like a suit of armor not a badge of courage. We're teased and tormented so severely we try to muster up all this false bravado to shield ourselves from being hurt yet again. It is simply wonderful you're doing this for your health- but you have to be ok with the fact there's nothing wrong with doing this to look good, too. You're not letting society or anyone else "win" by getting the Lap Band and losing weight. YOU are winning for taking control of your health so you can live a long, happy, healthy life with your husband.

Best wishes to you

You look simply amazing. I think it's hysterical she actually got in a snit because she thought you were trying to dupe her.

This is just way too cool and too fun!! I love it!!

Btw, I haven't been to Great America in decades. Next time I'm back in Chicago visiting family and friends I'm definitely going.

You look wonderful too!

Happy Bandiversary!!

Congratulations on your success, too!

Very well spoken post! I'm so glad you have taken it upon yourself to not only do the homework but talk to your doctor. If more people were as smart about this as you are, there would be lot less band failures and ignorance.

As far as the scary threads and "you're doomed, doomed I tell you!" posters: Just remember, it's sad but misery loves company and ignorance isn't bliss. The ignorant won't be happy until they've made everyone as miserable as they are.

I completely understand and I've been there MANY times. In fact, I can't tell you how many times I've said to people who get snarky "just because you don't like the truth doesn't make it any less true".

I get incredibly frustrated at the level of ignorance that seems to run rampant here. Either doctors are sending patients through surgery with zero education or people are totally ignoring their doctors. Either way, it's very sad that people will spend months researching a new car or new computer before buying it but won't bother doing an ounce of homework before having a medical device implanted into their body.

I used to post here A LOT. Now, I ignore at least 80% of the posts because I just can't deal with them.

I'm here most mornings while I wake up and drink my protein shake. I come back some evenings after my boyfriend goes to bed (I'm a night owl, he's not). Today I'm here more than usual because it's raining out so I can't do much. Otherwise, I'm way too happy with my real life to waste every moment online.

Keep in touch please!!

Congratulations!! You're doing wonderful!!

I agree with you, at the end of the day you have to stay at the weight you are most comfortable with. You have to decide what your ideal weight is right now. That's not to say it won't change in the future, up or down, all you can do is go with what feels right today.

It's funny because my doctor was "satisfied" with my weight loss 25 pounds ago. He thought losing 200 pounds was "more than he could've hoped for". I, however, was nowhere near satisfied. I won't be satisfied until my BMI is well out of the obese range- so I set my goal weight a good 60 pounds less than the one he set for me.

Once I get down to that point, I highly suspect I'll lower it even more. We'll see.

Your band would be fine, but you need to ask your doctor if it's safe. He knows your healthy history and issues and needs to be the one to give you the all clear.

I really need to not drink water while reading your blogs. It almost came out my nose. Again.

Go see a nutritionist and find out what you should be eating.

You may also need your band unfilled.

With all due respect, we do understand carb cravings. Many of us have them.

If it's something specific to PCOS then no, we don't understand. But if you're posting about it on a Lap Band forum then you can't expect us to "have a clue" about PCOS. Any advice you get here is going to be based on what we know about the band, not PCOS.

Oh my gosh Jim, you look SO GOOD!! The change is astounding!! You actually look younger even!!!

Very very handsome!

You talk like 60 pounds isn't a lot of weight! Let me put this in perspective for you: My 10 year old son weighs 67 pounds. You lost almost the equivalent of a 10 year old boy. That is no small feat!! That's A LOT of weight!!

Don't ever compare yourself to others. No one is doing "better" than you are. Your journey is uniquely yours and you're doing beautifully at it.

Don't be so hard on yourself

Granted this is strictly my opinion based on the advice of my own nutritionist, but some people's metabolism do need carbs. Carbs are energy. I just try to eat "good" carbs- like whole grain bread, whole wheat pasta, brown rice, and potatoes. I try to stay away from carbs that are white (except potatoes) or anything with the words "bleached" or "enriched" on the label. For me, it works.