CowgirlJane

I went to an eating disorders clinic pre WLS to assess " what is wrong with me". I feel I was accurately diagnosed; not an eating disorder, but disordered eating. I am not 100 percent of the difference but I didnt have binge, anorexia, bulimia or anything like that. My history was of knowing how to eat healthy and being able to do it for extended periods of time but then..it was like..I just couldn't do it anymore and start overeating again. The counselor said I used overeating as an emotional ballast...like everything would be "in control" and then suddenly I just couldn't repress the urges to eat too much of the wrong junkie food.
Since being at goal my perspectives have evolved. I had a physical issue - being freaking hungry 24/7, but I did use food as a sedative and obesity as a shield and protection. I discovered that my old ways masked anxiety, protected me from heartbreak, and made me feel safe.
I know this is why I ALWAYS regained in the past...I couldn't tolerate all that. So, my real transformation went beyond losing half my body weight, it extended to becoming a more complete, vulnerable but strong person who really loves life and sucks it all in instead of wearing a shield to protect myself.
I still see a counselor from time to time and the reoccurring theme is that it is okay that I love deeply, feel losses intensely(like my dog dying this fall is still a heartbreak) and I don't need to"fix" it, it is ok to just feel it.
So in the end, I think for some of us dealing with underlying issues and changing bad old habits is key to maintaining. As a wise woman on this forum once said "you don't get over 300# without some kind of issues"...

I lost about 160# post sleeve (more like 170-180 from lifetime high) so had skin!
I had a lower body lift, arm lift, breast lift/small implants and a "small" thigh lift. My thighs would be alot better had i gone with the "long" thigh lift but it is wonderful not having the scars there. My lower body lift and arms frankly made the most difference but i love all my results! I was so scared of the scars on my arms, but that skin reduction changed my "whole look" and I proudly go sleeveless all the time. Love it

I was 47.... 50 now. I am so much younger now!!!
Lots of people are in the middle decades when they get WLS

I was banded in 2001 at 270 pounds... i lost 28# in the first month on a liquid diet and then over the next 11 months... worked another almost 40# off via exercise and diet. I never got under 200# and at 5'5" was still a big person.
I had that band for 10 years and reached my all time high weight that was recorded 332 - in 2004 or 2005 I believe. I think I was actually closer to 350 at one point, but I had stopped weighing.
I did weight watchers, nutrisystem, those hormone drops... you name it. I considered it amazing if I could stay under 250#. I never gave up though.
Then, I got sleep apnea, high blood pressure, arthritis, unexplained body pain and general misery. My sleep doctor told me I was dying of obesity. The truth hurt but it was his shove in that direction that got me serious about revising. The surgeon he sent me to poo-poo'd the sleeve and didn't even offer it as an option since I was 300# and had already failed with the band. I started the path of bypass and for irrational reasons, chickened out.
I tried nutrisystems, ww etc one more time and then finally decided to join a 2 year lifestyle management program. They rejected me - wouldn't take my money because the disease process was just too advanced in my case. She sent me to a different surgeon who does all types of WLS and he thought I was a candidate for a sleeve. What was best was becoming educated about obesity, having a good nutritionalist (rare out there) and just that whole positive outlook that there was hope for me.
I did better than they expected in the sense of how much I lost and my maintenance. High BMI people often dont get down to what most people consider "normal" sized.
The day I started my 2 week preop diet for the sleeve I weighed 308, 300# on day of surgery Dec 2011
In 14 months I lost about 150# getting to my goal of 158# in Feb 2013. I got down to about 140 at one point but am now hanging out around goal. I am quite pleased considering I have never been able to maintain. This Dec will be my 5 years since revision.
Good luck to you!

I did not do too well with the band but have been maintaining 150# loss post revision to sleeve in Dec 2011. Not going to claim it has been easy, but sleeve has helped make it possible.

FWIW - I posted this on a different thread. I never had regrets, I feel I had no choice as obesity was quite literally killing me, but it sure as heck wasn't easy either.....
My personal experience as a sleever can be summarized like this:
Preop - Terrified and anxious, I had to get short term medication to make it through the last week before surgery. The word "hot mess" comes to mind. It wasn't because I didn't want to be sleeved, it was because I had such a fear of the operation, such a fear of failing AGAIN (I was a failed band patient and there is no feeling of failure like failing after bariatric surgery) First weeks post op were very miserable and I was still fat. Struggle to get in enough Water, exhausted, anti-social, diarrea all that stuff. I never regretted it though because I knew this often happened and I just had to "muscle through it" Introducing solid  food was another awful experience. I felt like I had to do it perfectly right since I was so desperate to succeed. I feared damaging my sleeve, I felt sick to my stomach, everything tasted weird, Water tasted like it had metal in it.... and I was still fat. The next few months were surreal. I didn't feel like myself and I can't even articulate why. While I got the hang of eating properly, it was disorienting for food to taste bad, to eat so little, to have food restrictions, eating FELT LIKE A CHORE. Then, I had an "ah ha" moment - this is the window of opportunity to change my relationship with food. Food is not recreation, it's nutrtion - novel concept for me! I often felt I would be happier just not eating, but I realized that is another form of disordered eating, so I took on the approach that food is like medicine - follow my surgeons and NUTs directions and take it on faith it would get better. Still fat, but down alot. By 3-4 months out, people were noticing the weight loss, I was feeling more myself emotionally, I was not as naseaous, I could tolerate a wider variety of food and it started tasting normal. I was in a good workout routine and loving that I could do more. Yes, still fat, but not nearly AS fat. I started thinking that amazing things MIGHT be possible. At around 8-9 months my appetite returned, my weight loss slowed and I was still about 40# from goal. I made a conscious decision to evaluate what was important to me and I got my butt back on track with good steady losses. At 14 months I made my goal of losing 150#. I could wear cute clothes, people didn't recognize me, I could eat pretty much anything (exceptions are rich ice cream gives me cramps and spicy food can irritate my tummy a bit) I am nearly 5 years post op and living a good life as a normal sized, active woman with a loving boyfriend. I am living a day to day life that I could only dream of. Many people dont know I had surgery - I eat small portions of very normal food. My kids are shocked when they see my before pix... but they tell me I changed inside too, not just the weight loss. I wear makeup, I love to dress up, go out, social butterfly all that. Life is pretty damn good and I am thankful for the help of the sleeve to get me here.

There is already a huge long thread dedicated to before and afters.. but it is such a fun topic I don't mind repeating!!
This is what losing 150 pounds does for you! A girlfriend of mine said the sweetest thing "I didn't know you had a teenage daughter"...LOL. I do feel like I look younger being trimmer.
Taken within the last few weeks

This was taken in December i believe - I think I was 20# away from goal,back when I was a bit curvier. I was feeling pretty good, but, I like how I look better now even if my T&A disappeared since this photo was taken.

This is my before picture at over 300#. I don't have much to say about it but I KEEP looking at my befores to remind myself how far I have come.

I keep hearing about that "act like a lady, think like a man" book. Reading the reviews it doesn't really sound like my world view (the tired saw that all men are dogs). Hell, at my age I am pretty stoked to find a guy who matches my libido...but I digress. since what I have been doing is no longer working for me, I am gonna change things up even if I have some doubts about the underlying premise.
The big mistake I make over and over is narrowing to one person too quickly, I lose interest in meeting anyone else. This has resulted in a few relationships over the last few years, none of them lasting more than 3-4 months and i am tired of it. (Not entirely true, had a pretty long relationship with someone who was supposed to be a more casual thing - weird, huh?)
I realize this is starting to impact my feminine self esteem even though I have been just as likely to end things...more like I just am tired of getting to know someone, they impact my life and then are just gone. I don't take losses well, even unimportant ones like breaking up with someone I wasn't in love with.
This wasn't my experience when I was young so I guess I am finally taking seriously the advice EVERYONE has given me and when I am ready to "try again" to avoid this pattern. What the heck, nothing to lose - I am going to do the thing where you see several people and wait for months before exclusively dating any one person. Is this what people call serial dating - a term that makes no sense to me bit I have seen in guys profiles "no serial daters". Me, I am just trying to avoid serial killers, I have very reasonable standards.
Here is the thing I keep wondering about people who date 3-5 people (the members of the pool most likely change quite a bit until you find a serious prospect ) - how on earth do you have time? I mean I figure you need to see a person at least 3x a month so they remember you, right? That is alot of dates.
Do you move toward going "dutch" in this situation? Men always pay for dates in my experience unless I specifically am treating them, but I would often cook or do things like that. I guess I am wondering what people think is typical.
I am just trying to figure out how to actually do this thing I said I am going to do. Hope the book comes with an instruction sheet.
I predict that I will start going to meetups, fire up an online profile etc in March. so far, getting dates has been no problem, but finding love has been quite elusive. ....
I have another change I need to make but I am not yet sure how. I need to learn how to flirt better. I mean with complete strangers - I have this terrible habit of avoiding eye contact or smiling at someone I find attractive - I think i send out "don't come near me" signals sometimes. I am not a shy person so it is quite specific to men I find interesting, you know at the store or out at a dance or something ...maybe remnants of my history of feeling bad about my looks???
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using BariatricPal

I am a fellow sleever and i haven't had it happen and I would pay attention. Obviously I have no medical training but I'd start with the obvious...am I eating to full instead of absence hunger? Am I starting to eat too fast or not chew properly (as I call it, wolfing food). Have I tried a 2 week course of a good ppi? If those things have been considered ,I'd go for a check up. I don't mean to scare you but there are late stage complications such as developing GERD that can show up years post op.
I have noticed a very mild queasiness lately...a new development, and going through my own prrocess of elimination before I consult my surgeon.
I figure better safe than sorry.
Good to hear you are doing so well! My five years is Dec 2016 - surreal.

I had amazing results and a good experience with Dr Sauceda. He is the type to under promise and over deliver. The photos on his website aren't all that "wow" but real patients are posting pictures on Facebook and his obesity help forum that convinced me. I highly recommend him for a variety of reasons but probably the #1 is that he is absolutely passionate about changing the lives of the people that go to him.
From his website:
About Dr. Sauceda Name: Francisco Gerardo Sauceda Mireles.
"The most important thing when we are with a patient , is to make them feel comfortable, offer them enough time , and answer all of their questions"
-Dr. Sauceda-

Office address:
Centro de Especialidades Médicas (CEM)
José Benítez 2704 int 401 Col. Obispado
Monterrey, México

Email: drsauceda@gmail.com

College: Universidad de Monterrey Campus Humberto Lobo
Monterrey Nuevo León, México

University:
Facultad de Medicina U.A.N.L. Médico Cirujano y Partero (Physician)

Medical Specialist:
General Surgery Hospital Metropolitano, Monterrey, México
Universidad Autónoma de Nuevo León

Plastic Surgery:
Hospital Universitario, Monterrey , México
Universidad Autónoma de Nuevo León

Certify by the Mexican Board of Plastic Surgery.

Member of the Mexican Association of Plastic surgery (AMCPER)

DISTINCTIONS AND RECOGNITIONS OBTAINED SCHOLARSHIPS AND EXCHANGES
Parkland Hospita
Burn Unit
Dallas, Texas. U.S.A.

Universidad de Barcelona Hospital Clinic.
Advanced Laparoscopy
Barcelona, Spain.

Chief resident in General Surgery
General Surgery
Hospital Metropolitano “Dr. Bernardo Sepúlveda”

ISAPS (International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery) Member

I was banded in 2001 at 270 pounds... i lost 28# in the first month on a liquid diet and then over the next 11 months... worked another almost 40# off via exercise and diet. I never got under 200# and at 5'5" was still a big person.
I had that band for 10 years and reached my all time high weight that was recorded 332 - in 2004 or 2005 I believe. I think I was actually closer to 350 at one point, but I had stopped weighing.
I did weight watchers, nutrisystem, those hormone drops... you name it. I considered it amazing if I could stay under 250#. I never gave up though.
Then, I got sleep apnea, high blood pressure, arthritis, unexplained body pain and general misery. My sleep doctor told me I was dying of obesity. The truth hurt but it was his shove in that direction that got me serious about revising. The surgeon he sent me to poo-poo'd the sleeve and didn't even offer it as an option since I was 300# and had already failed with the band. I started the path of bypass and for irrational reasons, chickened out.
I tried nutrisystems, ww etc one more time and then finally decided to join a 2 year lifestyle management program. They rejected me - wouldn't take my money because the disease process was just too advanced in my case. She sent me to a different surgeon who does all types of WLS and he thought I was a candidate for a sleeve. What was best was becoming educated about obesity, having a good nutritionalist (rare out there) and just that whole positive outlook that there was hope for me.
I did better than they expected in the sense of how much I lost and my maintenance. High BMI people often dont get down to what most people consider "normal" sized.
The day I started my 2 week preop diet for the sleeve I weighed 308, 300# on day of surgery Dec 2011
In 14 months I lost about 150# getting to my goal of 158# in Feb 2013. I got down to about 140 at one point but am now hanging out around goal. I am quite pleased considering I have never been able to maintain. This Dec will be my 5 years since revision.
Good luck to you!

I did not do too well with the band but have been maintaining 150# loss post revision to sleeve in Dec 2011. Not going to claim it has been easy, but sleeve has helped make it possible.

There is already a huge long thread dedicated to before and afters.. but it is such a fun topic I don't mind repeating!!
This is what losing 150 pounds does for you! A girlfriend of mine said the sweetest thing "I didn't know you had a teenage daughter"...LOL. I do feel like I look younger being trimmer.
Taken within the last few weeks

This was taken in December i believe - I think I was 20# away from goal,back when I was a bit curvier. I was feeling pretty good, but, I like how I look better now even if my T&A disappeared since this photo was taken.

This is my before picture at over 300#. I don't have much to say about it but I KEEP looking at my befores to remind myself how far I have come.

There is already a huge long thread dedicated to before and afters.. but it is such a fun topic I don't mind repeating!!
This is what losing 150 pounds does for you! A girlfriend of mine said the sweetest thing "I didn't know you had a teenage daughter"...LOL. I do feel like I look younger being trimmer.
Taken within the last few weeks

This was taken in December i believe - I think I was 20# away from goal,back when I was a bit curvier. I was feeling pretty good, but, I like how I look better now even if my T&A disappeared since this photo was taken.

This is my before picture at over 300#. I don't have much to say about it but I KEEP looking at my befores to remind myself how far I have come.

There is already a huge long thread dedicated to before and afters.. but it is such a fun topic I don't mind repeating!!
This is what losing 150 pounds does for you! A girlfriend of mine said the sweetest thing "I didn't know you had a teenage daughter"...LOL. I do feel like I look younger being trimmer.
Taken within the last few weeks

This was taken in December i believe - I think I was 20# away from goal,back when I was a bit curvier. I was feeling pretty good, but, I like how I look better now even if my T&A disappeared since this photo was taken.

This is my before picture at over 300#. I don't have much to say about it but I KEEP looking at my befores to remind myself how far I have come.

There is already a huge long thread dedicated to before and afters.. but it is such a fun topic I don't mind repeating!!
This is what losing 150 pounds does for you! A girlfriend of mine said the sweetest thing "I didn't know you had a teenage daughter"...LOL. I do feel like I look younger being trimmer.
Taken within the last few weeks

This was taken in December i believe - I think I was 20# away from goal,back when I was a bit curvier. I was feeling pretty good, but, I like how I look better now even if my T&A disappeared since this photo was taken.

This is my before picture at over 300#. I don't have much to say about it but I KEEP looking at my befores to remind myself how far I have come.

While I happen to agree with the anti cheating sentiments most others expressed, I also think the OP does too. Or else why would she bring it up as a problem? The way I read this, she doesn't like how she behaved toward her husband - but that is ended/ending; she finds a new relationship and is repeating the pattern. Once again, the way it was written was not clear, but I think she was asking if others have found themselves behaving "badly" after losing alot of weight.
I am a believer that obesity often shields us from very complex emotions. Not overeating, obesity itself. Example - It is well known that many obese women have a history of sexual abuse (not saying this applies to OP, just the topic itself) and the fatsuit protects from outsiders, as well as from our own internal shame/desire type motives. It is also well known that sexual abuse of children can create emotional and behavioral and even personality disorder issues later in life. When people lose alot of weight - hidden demons so to speak can emerge. If you thought you worked this stuff out as a youth, you might be surprised that underlying emotional issues rise out of the victory of the weight loss.
I know someone who went from a seemingly normal work colleague, wife, mother etc to dying in her sleep, after having left her family, due to organ failure post gastric bypass/massive weight loss. She had become a very very serious alcoholic (and other very very high risk behavior, lost her job etc etc) and as a type 1 diabetic, her organs gave out faster than most. We can say what people "should and shouldn't do" but truth is they might be really struggling. Being bashed here just adds to the general feeling that the world is not a safe place for them.
Personally, I think (going back to OP) it is way too soon for her to even know WHAT she seeks. Maybe a poly lifestyle is a good choice, but a person needs to be pretty internally stable, pretty self aware, pretty centered to take on alot of that kind of stuff - in my opinion.
Goes back to what is it you really want and is the current behavior getting you there? I bet there are alot of people on this forum that could ask themselves that question - not necessarily about sexuality, but about how they are living their lives.
I realize that not everyone who has WLS has so much buried deep and maybe don't relate that well to the huge emotional turmoil but doesn't mean it isn't real. For me, it was anxiety that came up - not when I experienced "eating less" but it showed up when I got to a normal size - who knew???. It has been quite a journey to come to grips with it and to understand that it has always been there. I think that facing those sorts of things help us prevent regain because I gotta tell you, sometimes the inner self asks the question "weren't you happier when you were comfortably numb????" well, no I wasn't, but it is a valid question. I should probably start a separate thread before I go to much deeper on this topic.

I had amazing results and a good experience with Dr Sauceda. He is the type to under promise and over deliver. The photos on his website aren't all that "wow" but real patients are posting pictures on Facebook and his obesity help forum that convinced me. I highly recommend him for a variety of reasons but probably the #1 is that he is absolutely passionate about changing the lives of the people that go to him.
From his website:
About Dr. Sauceda Name: Francisco Gerardo Sauceda Mireles.
"The most important thing when we are with a patient , is to make them feel comfortable, offer them enough time , and answer all of their questions"
-Dr. Sauceda-

Office address:
Centro de Especialidades Médicas (CEM)
José Benítez 2704 int 401 Col. Obispado
Monterrey, México

Email: drsauceda@gmail.com

College: Universidad de Monterrey Campus Humberto Lobo
Monterrey Nuevo León, México

University:
Facultad de Medicina U.A.N.L. Médico Cirujano y Partero (Physician)

Medical Specialist:
General Surgery Hospital Metropolitano, Monterrey, México
Universidad Autónoma de Nuevo León

Plastic Surgery:
Hospital Universitario, Monterrey , México
Universidad Autónoma de Nuevo León

Certify by the Mexican Board of Plastic Surgery.

Member of the Mexican Association of Plastic surgery (AMCPER)

DISTINCTIONS AND RECOGNITIONS OBTAINED SCHOLARSHIPS AND EXCHANGES
Parkland Hospita
Burn Unit
Dallas, Texas. U.S.A.

Universidad de Barcelona Hospital Clinic.
Advanced Laparoscopy
Barcelona, Spain.

Chief resident in General Surgery
General Surgery
Hospital Metropolitano “Dr. Bernardo Sepúlveda”

ISAPS (International Society of Aesthetic Plastic Surgery) Member

I agree! I'd also like to know life expectancy people with WLS vs not and I think something like the framington study is the way to draw these conclusions. Sent from my KFJWI using the BariatricPal App

I have gone through phases on this topic. There was a time when I would hide in my bedroom rather than watch people eat. How it has evolved though is I cook a Protein, a veggie, make a salad and then make rice,potato or Pasta for the guys. I eat the first 3, they feel like they are getting a gourmet meal - winwin all around.
I live with my grown sons and if they want junk food, they buy it and keep it in their rooms. The rule of the house is if there are Cookies, ice cream etc in the main living area of the house I am likely to eat it, toss it, or some combination thereof. I feel no guilt for that. I don't expect them to eat like I do,but I don't want it under my nose either.
Luckily they aren't fast food take out fans. They have my taste for higher quality food.
However truth is lousy food surrounds us. There is a reason I don't watch regular tv, I don't want to watch food porn, all the pushing of candy and chips and fast food that is literally killing our country. When I go into the office, junk food is at everyone's desk. It has taken me a long time to not want a fistful of candy every time I see a bowl of it.
I am 4 years out , and while I am so much better, my drive for sweets and stuff rears its ugly head based on visual and odor cues. I don't have an answer except I like the trim me so much better than the obese me that I remain diligent. Whenever I doubt that, I look at my before and after photos.
You can do this, he is rght,he shouldn't have to change (unless he wants a healthier life) but it is asking alot for you to sit there and watch/smell while he eats your trigger foods. Hopefully your counselor has some good strategies for you.

I am a sleever, I have popcorn.< /p>
however, I haven't understood ANYTHING else about this entire thread...

okay, and I have to say this - not targeted to original poster, but just in general. That period, maybe 5-8 months post op it is easy to get a little cocky. The losses are coming easy, you can't imagine how anyone could ever NOT lose weight post sleeve... la dee da... life is good! Warning, it does get harder in some ways and i genuinely believe that this window during the first few months, certainly first 6-12 months, you are laying down basic habits and priorities that will set your course down the road. It is never too late to change, but you might be surprised how many people come back to these forums, 2-3 years post op disappointed that they never quite made goal and have started regaining... lots of reasons that happens, but one of them is that slippery slide back to old ways. So, I do encourage people to think about vacations, trips, family reunions, parties etc in terms of "what do I need to do right now" and "how will this fit in with my life for the long term"?
I suggest that my way of handling (stay with basic program "eat small mini meals, Protein first etc, but eat lobster..haha) addressed both reasonably well.

I am 3 years post op and I travel and surely eat "crazy bad foods" sometimes.
Here are my thoughts - take it or leave it - I think that when you do a vacation trip it is MOST important to keep portions small and to not graze. So have that butter laden whatever, but just a tiny bit. don't let yourself munch and snack all day - eat enough to be satiated, eat those 4-5 mini meals (or whatever your program calls for). reason I say this is that you really haven't gone off your routine or caused long term problems, you are just eating higher calorie/higher carb food for a few days and it is much easier to go back to your routine once you get home. If you let yourself "stuff yourself" you will be hungrier and it might be harder to get back on track immediately.
I also try to stay really active on vacation and stay away from "food oriented" vacations. March last year I spent 8-9 days in Mexico, I actually lost weight even though I had been at goal for a year already.
when I drink, I stay away from sugary mixers.
So, this applies probably more to people who have alot to lose. I was determined to get to goal, but had to lose over 150# to do it. what I knew is that the honeymoon periond only lasts "so long" so I didn't drink, didn't go eating junky food and really didn't allow myself food vacations until after getting to goal. I realize this isn't for everyone, but in my case, it was something that was very important to me. That first year post op wasn't filled with fun and frolic for me, it was filled with disciplined eating and exercise. I only share this - not as any kind of judgement - but so that newbies reading this don't think that I lost that kind of weight in that time frame any other way - reality check.