CowgirlJane

I have had more then a seed of doubt... a whole garden.
I am frankly not worried about getting too thin. I have met enough people who have had this procedure, they range from trim to normal range, slightly overweight - not a one is too skinny. I figure excess skin is no worse then all this extra fat so I view that as damage I have already done by getting so fat, losing the weight doesn't cause the ugly skin, getting obese caused it. I am not saying that saggy skin is great, I am just saying it is already there, just disguised by all that unhealthy fat puffing it out.
What I have thought about is that feeling like I should able to do this without having part of my stomache removed! I mean, for Pete's sake, that is drastic. I have thought about some of the complications that are possible. What I if i have to miss a whole bunch of work due to a leak or something like that? I have also thought about, what if I only lose "some" of the extra weight and I am still fat? Or maybe worse yet, what if I get to a healthy weight and then can't control myself and regain it??? Those things worried me, but I am moving past it.
First, I got rid of the counselor I saw who was anti Weight Loss Surgery. She has never been an ounce overweight her whole life and i have been battling this crap since I was like 4 years old. I am 47!!! I think 40+ years of trying diets and stuff is enough to prove that I can't make that work permanently, don't you?
Second, I started to really understand obesity as a medical condition, as a metabolic disorder. I am not saying there isn't an emotional, and behaviour component - there is - but at this point, it is a metabolic disorder!!! I had to hear this from 2 different doctors before I started to accept that maybe I need help here, not just a new cookbook. My primary care doc suggest a cookbook, because clearly, if I knew how to use a crockpot I would lose 140 pounds. yeah, right Guess what, I switched primary care doctors too!
Third, I started sharing my struggles, my decision process with people in my life who care about me. These are not obese people, they are thin active people. (I am a horse lover, so i have horse loving friends who tend to be trim and athletic). Their support has been amazing. They WANT me to be healthy, live a long life, be active, and to be happy. I think it is obvious to the people that care about me, diets haven't worked for me and aren't likely to work next time either. I am blessed to have people in my life who are excited for my future after WLS, it is almost like they have more faith then I do, which can bolster me!
Finally, I had my failed gastric band removed. You think you feel skeptical and worried before your first weight loss surgery? Try going through the heartbreak of a failure. I felt like such a failure, just like all those diets. Reality is that the crapband failed me. That is the story for another day, but letting go of that both physically and mentally has made this so clear to me. I have been starving and wanting to eat 24/7 now that the band is out - which is further proof that there is a PHYSICAL component to this struggle.
Don't get me wrong, I accept responsibility for putting the food in my own mouth, but I am now understanding that this is such a complicated situation. Once you are morbidly obese it is so very hard to keep weight off without surgery. Seriously, the stats prove that.
The doc I see for my sleep apnea is my hero - the guy that started me on this journey more then a year ago. I had never heard of the sleeve and he was the one that told me it would extend my life. His frankness, done in a very caring way, really was a wake up call. I am on the road to early death, early disability - and that is just about guanteed unless I get the weight off. Yes, the surgery has risks, yes, it is drastic, but weigh the two paths and ask yourself what is the most likely outcome 5. 10, 15+ years from now. Without the surgery, disable and early death is a high probability. With the surgery, I have a shot of being an active senior, enjoying life, enjoying my horses, really living.
I think your doubts are normal and healthy. Educate yourself, go to a surgery support group and meet some people to find out the real story. Talk to people. If you don't quite trust your surgeon, how about consulting with another? I tell people, I am in this for a lifetime, so I am okay that the process has been slow for me to finally get to a firm decision set in my own mind.
I am scheduled for a December surgery. Yes, i am a little nervous still, but mostly, I want it DONE so I can start down the path to the rest of my life as a healthier, thinner person who can keep doing fun stuff for many more years.

My PCP had not heard of the gastric sleeve either.

She was fairly anti-WLS previously, but has recently changed her mind. Her reason? She has had several patients in the 40-60 age range, that were 100+ pounds overweight just up and DIE in their sleep. She tells me that being so overweight, and being middle aged is a deadly combination. She would prefer that I lose weight without WLS, but, most importantly is to get the weight OFF.