CowgirlJane

I am so sorry for your pain. In my opinion, looking to date right now is not ideal. Time helps clear the mind, makes room in the heart for a new and true love. I have observed that when you look for love when you are so freshly hurt, or not in a good headspace, you risk attracting the wrong person.
As to the "why" - I ask myself that about so many people all the time. Just read the news - why do people do such awful things to other people? It is unanswerable, but it is important to believe that they were the ones in the wrong not you. Nobody deserves this kind of blatant disrespect and cruelty and I hope you don't let it make you feel less than desirable.

When we write things on forums, it isn't just the original poster, or the responders who read it. I betcha there will be many lurkers who will read this thread and it's good that they can see various points of view. My remarks are targeted at those people who are trying to understand this surgery and if it is a good idea for them. It's a freaking scary proposition to have part of your stomach removed!
My personal experience as a sleever can be summarized like this:
Preop - Terrified and anxious, I had to get short term medication to make it through the last week before surgery. The word "hot mess" comes to mind. It wasn't because I didn't want to be sleeved, it was because I had such a fear of the operation, such a fear of failing AGAIN (I was a failed band patient and there is no feeling of failure like failing after bariatric surgery) First weeks post op were very miserable and I was still fat. Struggle to get in enough Water, exhausted, anti-social, diarrea all that stuff. I never regretted it though because I knew this often happened and I just had to "muscle through it" Introducing solid food was another awful experience. I felt like I had to do it perfectly right since I was so desperate to succeed. I feared damaging my sleeve, I felt sick to my stomach, everything tasted weird, Water tasted like it had metal in it.... and I was still fat. The next few months were surreal. I didn't feel like myself and I can't even articulate why. While I got the hang of eating properly, it was disorienting for food to taste bad, to eat so little, to have food restrictions, eating FELT LIKE A CHORE. Then, I had an "ah ha" moment - this is the window of opportunity to change my relationship with food. Food is not recreation, it's nutrtion - novel concept for me! I often felt I would be happier just not eating, but I realized that is another form of disordered eating, so I took on the approach that food is like medicine - follow my surgeons and NUTs directions and take it on faith it would get better. Still fat, but down alot. By 3-4 months out, people were noticing the weight loss, I was feeling more myself emotionally, I was not as naseaous, I could tolerate a wider variety of food and it started tasting normal. I was in a good workout routine and loving that I could do more. Yes, still fat, but not nearly AS fat. I started thinking that amazing things MIGHT be possible. At around 8-9 months my appetite returned, my weight loss slowed and I was still about 40# from goal. I made a conscious decision to evaluate what was important to me and I got my butt back on track with good steady losses. At 14 months I made my goal of losing 150#. I could wear cute clothes, people didn't recognize me, I could eat pretty much anything (exceptions are rich ice cream gives me cramps and spicy food can irritate my tummy a bit) I am nearly 5 years post op and living a good life as a normal sized, active woman with a loving boyfriend. I am living a day to day life that I could only dream of. Many people dont know I had surgery - I eat small portions of very normal food. My kids are shocked when they see my before pix... but they tell me I changed inside too, not just the weight loss. I wear makeup, I love to dress up, go out, social butterfly all that. Life is pretty damn good and I am thankful for the help of the sleeve to get me here.

When we write things on forums, it isn't just the original poster, or the responders who read it. I betcha there will be many lurkers who will read this thread and it's good that they can see various points of view. My remarks are targeted at those people who are trying to understand this surgery and if it is a good idea for them. It's a freaking scary proposition to have part of your stomach removed!
My personal experience as a sleever can be summarized like this:
Preop - Terrified and anxious, I had to get short term medication to make it through the last week before surgery. The word "hot mess" comes to mind. It wasn't because I didn't want to be sleeved, it was because I had such a fear of the operation, such a fear of failing AGAIN (I was a failed band patient and there is no feeling of failure like failing after bariatric surgery) First weeks post op were very miserable and I was still fat. Struggle to get in enough Water, exhausted, anti-social, diarrea all that stuff. I never regretted it though because I knew this often happened and I just had to "muscle through it" Introducing solid food was another awful experience. I felt like I had to do it perfectly right since I was so desperate to succeed. I feared damaging my sleeve, I felt sick to my stomach, everything tasted weird, Water tasted like it had metal in it.... and I was still fat. The next few months were surreal. I didn't feel like myself and I can't even articulate why. While I got the hang of eating properly, it was disorienting for food to taste bad, to eat so little, to have food restrictions, eating FELT LIKE A CHORE. Then, I had an "ah ha" moment - this is the window of opportunity to change my relationship with food. Food is not recreation, it's nutrtion - novel concept for me! I often felt I would be happier just not eating, but I realized that is another form of disordered eating, so I took on the approach that food is like medicine - follow my surgeons and NUTs directions and take it on faith it would get better. Still fat, but down alot. By 3-4 months out, people were noticing the weight loss, I was feeling more myself emotionally, I was not as naseaous, I could tolerate a wider variety of food and it started tasting normal. I was in a good workout routine and loving that I could do more. Yes, still fat, but not nearly AS fat. I started thinking that amazing things MIGHT be possible. At around 8-9 months my appetite returned, my weight loss slowed and I was still about 40# from goal. I made a conscious decision to evaluate what was important to me and I got my butt back on track with good steady losses. At 14 months I made my goal of losing 150#. I could wear cute clothes, people didn't recognize me, I could eat pretty much anything (exceptions are rich ice cream gives me cramps and spicy food can irritate my tummy a bit) I am nearly 5 years post op and living a good life as a normal sized, active woman with a loving boyfriend. I am living a day to day life that I could only dream of. Many people dont know I had surgery - I eat small portions of very normal food. My kids are shocked when they see my before pix... but they tell me I changed inside too, not just the weight loss. I wear makeup, I love to dress up, go out, social butterfly all that. Life is pretty damn good and I am thankful for the help of the sleeve to get me here.

When we write things on forums, it isn't just the original poster, or the responders who read it. I betcha there will be many lurkers who will read this thread and it's good that they can see various points of view. My remarks are targeted at those people who are trying to understand this surgery and if it is a good idea for them. It's a freaking scary proposition to have part of your stomach removed!
My personal experience as a sleever can be summarized like this:
Preop - Terrified and anxious, I had to get short term medication to make it through the last week before surgery. The word "hot mess" comes to mind. It wasn't because I didn't want to be sleeved, it was because I had such a fear of the operation, such a fear of failing AGAIN (I was a failed band patient and there is no feeling of failure like failing after bariatric surgery) First weeks post op were very miserable and I was still fat. Struggle to get in enough Water, exhausted, anti-social, diarrea all that stuff. I never regretted it though because I knew this often happened and I just had to "muscle through it" Introducing solid food was another awful experience. I felt like I had to do it perfectly right since I was so desperate to succeed. I feared damaging my sleeve, I felt sick to my stomach, everything tasted weird, Water tasted like it had metal in it.... and I was still fat. The next few months were surreal. I didn't feel like myself and I can't even articulate why. While I got the hang of eating properly, it was disorienting for food to taste bad, to eat so little, to have food restrictions, eating FELT LIKE A CHORE. Then, I had an "ah ha" moment - this is the window of opportunity to change my relationship with food. Food is not recreation, it's nutrtion - novel concept for me! I often felt I would be happier just not eating, but I realized that is another form of disordered eating, so I took on the approach that food is like medicine - follow my surgeons and NUTs directions and take it on faith it would get better. Still fat, but down alot. By 3-4 months out, people were noticing the weight loss, I was feeling more myself emotionally, I was not as naseaous, I could tolerate a wider variety of food and it started tasting normal. I was in a good workout routine and loving that I could do more. Yes, still fat, but not nearly AS fat. I started thinking that amazing things MIGHT be possible. At around 8-9 months my appetite returned, my weight loss slowed and I was still about 40# from goal. I made a conscious decision to evaluate what was important to me and I got my butt back on track with good steady losses. At 14 months I made my goal of losing 150#. I could wear cute clothes, people didn't recognize me, I could eat pretty much anything (exceptions are rich ice cream gives me cramps and spicy food can irritate my tummy a bit) I am nearly 5 years post op and living a good life as a normal sized, active woman with a loving boyfriend. I am living a day to day life that I could only dream of. Many people dont know I had surgery - I eat small portions of very normal food. My kids are shocked when they see my before pix... but they tell me I changed inside too, not just the weight loss. I wear makeup, I love to dress up, go out, social butterfly all that. Life is pretty damn good and I am thankful for the help of the sleeve to get me here.

When we write things on forums, it isn't just the original poster, or the responders who read it. I betcha there will be many lurkers who will read this thread and it's good that they can see various points of view. My remarks are targeted at those people who are trying to understand this surgery and if it is a good idea for them. It's a freaking scary proposition to have part of your stomach removed!
My personal experience as a sleever can be summarized like this:
Preop - Terrified and anxious, I had to get short term medication to make it through the last week before surgery. The word "hot mess" comes to mind. It wasn't because I didn't want to be sleeved, it was because I had such a fear of the operation, such a fear of failing AGAIN (I was a failed band patient and there is no feeling of failure like failing after bariatric surgery) First weeks post op were very miserable and I was still fat. Struggle to get in enough Water, exhausted, anti-social, diarrea all that stuff. I never regretted it though because I knew this often happened and I just had to "muscle through it" Introducing solid food was another awful experience. I felt like I had to do it perfectly right since I was so desperate to succeed. I feared damaging my sleeve, I felt sick to my stomach, everything tasted weird, Water tasted like it had metal in it.... and I was still fat. The next few months were surreal. I didn't feel like myself and I can't even articulate why. While I got the hang of eating properly, it was disorienting for food to taste bad, to eat so little, to have food restrictions, eating FELT LIKE A CHORE. Then, I had an "ah ha" moment - this is the window of opportunity to change my relationship with food. Food is not recreation, it's nutrtion - novel concept for me! I often felt I would be happier just not eating, but I realized that is another form of disordered eating, so I took on the approach that food is like medicine - follow my surgeons and NUTs directions and take it on faith it would get better. Still fat, but down alot. By 3-4 months out, people were noticing the weight loss, I was feeling more myself emotionally, I was not as naseaous, I could tolerate a wider variety of food and it started tasting normal. I was in a good workout routine and loving that I could do more. Yes, still fat, but not nearly AS fat. I started thinking that amazing things MIGHT be possible. At around 8-9 months my appetite returned, my weight loss slowed and I was still about 40# from goal. I made a conscious decision to evaluate what was important to me and I got my butt back on track with good steady losses. At 14 months I made my goal of losing 150#. I could wear cute clothes, people didn't recognize me, I could eat pretty much anything (exceptions are rich ice cream gives me cramps and spicy food can irritate my tummy a bit) I am nearly 5 years post op and living a good life as a normal sized, active woman with a loving boyfriend. I am living a day to day life that I could only dream of. Many people dont know I had surgery - I eat small portions of very normal food. My kids are shocked when they see my before pix... but they tell me I changed inside too, not just the weight loss. I wear makeup, I love to dress up, go out, social butterfly all that. Life is pretty damn good and I am thankful for the help of the sleeve to get me here.

Or maybe people are tired of you starting or going into every thread complaining about how much you regret the surgery? We get it. You regret the surgery. Move on. What the hell can you do about it now??
And how short sighted does someone have to be to realize it's not always going to be this way? When you have a 2 year old child, do you say they are still going to be throwing tantrums and not be potty trained when they're 20? Of course not. Things change and progress. Just like with this surgery. Yes, there will be a time when you will be able to eat more. Yes, there will be a time when you can eat whatever you want without feeling like sh*t. Yes, there will be time when you can pretty much ignore the fact you've had surgery and do whatever you want again once you've healed up. Yes, even your fairly normal complications will get better with time. I barely even know I've had surgery now at 2 years out with the amounts I can eat. Yes, NORMAL amounts if I really work at it. I feel completely normal. You're frikken 9 weeks out. Give yourself time to heal up and you can move on with your life like nothing ever happened.
Jeez.

I am so sorry for your pain. In my opinion, looking to date right now is not ideal. Time helps clear the mind, makes room in the heart for a new and true love. I have observed that when you look for love when you are so freshly hurt, or not in a good headspace, you risk attracting the wrong person.
As to the "why" - I ask myself that about so many people all the time. Just read the news - why do people do such awful things to other people? It is unanswerable, but it is important to believe that they were the ones in the wrong not you. Nobody deserves this kind of blatant disrespect and cruelty and I hope you don't let it make you feel less than desirable.

I am also convinced that we have different nutritional needs. My boyfriend is a trim athletic man. He is a light eater, but grazes alot. I gain weight when I eat that way; he says he gains weight when he eats too much Protein, more typical meals. We compromise by him joining me in mini-meals so I don't get hungry and graze on chips and crackers that he keeps around. He appreciates it that I don't insist that he eat "man sized" portions... so our compromise works. Anyway, my point is that I don't believe one size fits all.

I am also convinced that we have different nutritional needs. My boyfriend is a trim athletic man. He is a light eater, but grazes alot. I gain weight when I eat that way; he says he gains weight when he eats too much Protein, more typical meals. We compromise by him joining me in mini-meals so I don't get hungry and graze on chips and crackers that he keeps around. He appreciates it that I don't insist that he eat "man sized" portions... so our compromise works. Anyway, my point is that I don't believe one size fits all.

I am also convinced that we have different nutritional needs. My boyfriend is a trim athletic man. He is a light eater, but grazes alot. I gain weight when I eat that way; he says he gains weight when he eats too much Protein, more typical meals. We compromise by him joining me in mini-meals so I don't get hungry and graze on chips and crackers that he keeps around. He appreciates it that I don't insist that he eat "man sized" portions... so our compromise works. Anyway, my point is that I don't believe one size fits all.

I am also convinced that we have different nutritional needs. My boyfriend is a trim athletic man. He is a light eater, but grazes alot. I gain weight when I eat that way; he says he gains weight when he eats too much Protein, more typical meals. We compromise by him joining me in mini-meals so I don't get hungry and graze on chips and crackers that he keeps around. He appreciates it that I don't insist that he eat "man sized" portions... so our compromise works. Anyway, my point is that I don't believe one size fits all.

Interesting article in the NY Times. food really effects us. And it also is scary about how once an idea gets popular support, it can take a long time to get people to re-look at the issue. (There is a verse in the Bible that has always struck me: Numbers 14:18: "he punishes the children for the sin of the parents to the third and fourth generation." I have noticed that it takes that long to get a "generally accepted" principle out of societal group. I initially studied this on how long it took to get rid of racial prejudice, but it seems to track on a number of subjects).

What is the takeaway from an article like this? To me it is a reminder to keep fact checking. When a report says "may" "possibly" I take it with a grain of salt. The other way of saying it is "we are not sure and it's not clear" - when you hear it that way you know to keep your eyes open for more information.

I am so sorry for your pain. In my opinion, looking to date right now is not ideal. Time helps clear the mind, makes room in the heart for a new and true love. I have observed that when you look for love when you are so freshly hurt, or not in a good headspace, you risk attracting the wrong person.
As to the "why" - I ask myself that about so many people all the time. Just read the news - why do people do such awful things to other people? It is unanswerable, but it is important to believe that they were the ones in the wrong not you. Nobody deserves this kind of blatant disrespect and cruelty and I hope you don't let it make you feel less than desirable.

To the best of my knowledge I do not have a history of "calling out" people in an unkind way. It is also clear to me that people new to the process TEND to be a bit more vulnerable (frightened, unsure etc) and I try to keep that in mind when interpting posts. I actually don't even know why these posts keep getting started, telling all us vets to behave so I guess my points are not relevant.

I gained 10# due to all the IV fluids. I then went on to lose 150# from my starting weight.
You are losing fine and will get to your goal.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using the BariatricPal App

My local costco only carries chocolate strawberry and vanilla
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using the BariatricPal App

Clarifying question - a person such as myself who are many years post op, maintaining but have my struggles am no longer permitted to ask for support from people who might have similar experiences and information to share? Does this mean the veterans forum is now contrary to the rules? Isn't just having that forum "discriminating" based on the examples laid out in your post?
It's your forum, you can make your own rules but I really cannot fathom how making a request for support/info/feedback from a person who has gone through your same experience can be construed as rude or discriminatory to people who are earlier in the process.
Please, educate me because I never intend to hurt a person's feelings. The thought going through my mind is you simply don't want longer term WLS patients posting here anymore, but I am trying to give the benefit of the doubt.

And it's possible that some of us "Old experienced people" need support too. My personal experience is that maintenance became more difficult at 3 plus years post op. It's hard to imagine (well it was for me anyway!) that I would be so hungry and need to eat so little years down the road.
Anecdotally, I have seen many come back after regain, and there are some who use this support as a way to stay focused even as time goes on.... That is what I try to do.
Of course, not everyone was high BMI and spent many years overweight or obese like I did so I wouldn't presume that everyone seeks support long term.

I agree there is never a reason to be hurtful, but this post goes way beyond that.
So now it is clarified that veterans are allowed to request input from other vets on the veterans forum, that is good. Does it mean that non veterans can or cannot "discriminate" and request input from people of a specific category such as the classic " I want to hear from people who are 5 or more years post op"?
The underlying premise to this post, and the one that was made a couple of months ago is that the veteran community are the meanies and therefore need specific additional rules. I just don't see this in practice. I do realize that people new to the process are often emotionally more vulnerable (frightened, insecure etc) and I try to always remember that, but I completely reject the concept that the successful experienced WLS are the problem on this forum.
When I first joined, I looked around for a handful of people who were similar age, similar amount of starting overweight , also female who had met their goals and were maintaining....and I listened to them! I wanted success not to be patted on the head. It worked, I am still half my former size years later and those ladies I "followed" helped me believe in myself. I realize veterans don't tend to buy stuff at the store, but, perhaps there is some value to our participation here. Many of the experienced and successful longer term WLS peeps have left, and this sort of general statement implying we are anti-support is one of the many reasons for that. It gets old.

My experience was not that great on Match for the same reason OKCPirate mentioned - women out number men. I should also mention it was my very first foray into "dating" and I really didn't know very well how to filter, etc.

I gained 10# due to all the IV fluids. I then went on to lose 150# from my starting weight.
You are losing fine and will get to your goal.
Sent from my SAMSUNG-SGH-I337 using the BariatricPal App