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Don't underestimate the damage the abuse is doing to the kids. Staying for the kids isn't a good thing. It is teaching them that it is acceptable to treat a woman this way and if they are girls it is showing them that is what they should expect from a relationship. I know it can be hard and take a long time and lots of planning to make it right, but it sounds like you need to consider where things will go in the future. Have you tried marriage counseling?

I understand what you are dealing with because I dealt with the exact same thing in the past. Nothing hurts more than hearing your husband saying demeaning things to you about your weight. I was not overweight until after I had my daughter. Looking back, the more he said about my weight, the more I found comfort in food and before I knew it I had gained 60 lbs. I finally got to a place where I was dieting and working out with a trainer and got the self esteem back and got a divorce. But it took me 12 years to get to that place. A few years later I met a guy that seemed to love me and accept me exactly as I was. It didn't take long to figure out I was in the same situation again and refused to go down that path. The marriage lasted less than two years. I have been divorced now for over a year. I am finally starting to find the true me again and I am doing this WLS for nobody else but ME.
I hope you can remind yourself that you do indeed to be treated with respect and although he has gotten by with it in the past, stand strong and tell him you are no longer willing to be disrespected in that way. Also, remind yourself that your weight is not the cause of his bad moods.Work on you FOR you and nobody else.
We are here for you at any time.

It is absolutely unacceptable for a man to speak to his wife in such a way. About ANYthing. You are his queen and you should be treated as such. He is to live with you in an understanding way. I would cry for a week if my husband even HINTED at the fact that I have an adverse effect on gravity! (of course we're not stupid, we know I'm huge, he's just respectful about my feelings.) Your husband shouldn't be dishing out anything but kindness and love to you! I'll say it....He needs Jesus! I do pray things get better for you and he has a change of heart.
Other than that...I'm with Shoelover!!!

You are going to rock your sleeve and get skinny and he's going to be sorry he every talked to you like that! Don't let him get you down. You are going to do the biggest
thing you have ever done for yourself, so he better watch out!

I really would like to be able to give you a nice, peaceful resolution, but I'm just not that person. I probably would have slapped the absolute mess outta him and then I would have given him the worst cussing of his life. But what will probably be the sweetest revenge is when you get slim, and have other men salivating over you.

Here they are 3 lbs below goal with one before Best decision i ever made for myself!!!

Wow! What a momentous occasion! Congratulations!!!!!! I hope all goes well in surgery and wish you a speedy recovery!!!

I have learned to make crepes with the egg beaters...and I add one or two of the following... cheese, refried Beans, cottage cheese, sour cream and hot sauce. It is like a mini bean and cheese burrito....LOVE it! And look at the proteins! Yum!

Lol, same things I loved before surgery. chicken wings and ribs.

I know that we are supposed to avoid carbs, but if you just love pancakes and cant stop (like me) then I have a great way to enjoy them while getting in ALOT of Protein.< /p>
betty crocker complete pancake mix (makes 3 pancakes)
1/3 cup of the mix (5 grams protein)
1 egg mixed in (6 grams protein)
1/2 scoop Protein Shake mix ( I used Matrix bananas and cream flavor) (11.5 grams protein)
1/4 cup lowfat milk (3.5 grams of protein)
mix it all together and fry it up. I dont even use Syrup because the flavor from the shake mix makes it taste yummy all on its own.
in all it is 26 grams of protein, and 25 grams of carbs for those who count them.
I absolutely loved them, and I made them the same for my kids and hubby and they didnt even know the difference, they thought that they were regular old pancakes with banana flavor---hehe, I love sneeking healthy in!

That's so weird.... I was ALWAYS cold pre-surgery!! I slept with a down blanket year round, always wore sweat-shirts and rarely broke a sweat! I've been sleeved for about 6 wks now and havent really noticed a difference! I still sleep with my comforter and wear sweat-shirts in the evening.... I've only lost about 25lbs so far, so I guess after I start losing more weight I'll start to get super cold now???? Should I bring a sweat-shirt jacket to keep at the office, just in case???

Another reason I can't wait to be sleeved!! It is not a femine feeling to sweat like you have done an hour of high impact aerobics and all you have done is walked one corridor of the mall!!

Not terribly concerned if the only significant side effect is a perception of being cold. I'll stack that up against diabetes & heart disease any day.
Metabolism is complex, so I wouldn't at all be surprised to find other complex systemic effects like this.

I have been noticing in several posts that people report feeling colder after this surgery. Some people attribute it to the weight loss, but others say they have lost large amounts of weight before and not had this effect. I decided to do some research. There are several articles that say increasing ghrelin increases body temperature. This article suggests that rats that don't produce ghrelin have trouble regulating body temperature in cold environments. They also have less nonREM sleep, (more dream time, less deep restful sleep), but they stay awake better during the day. I guess what is interesting to me is this hormone is a big player in sleep and thermo-regulation. I was wondering what others have personally noticed about their changes in sleep and ability to adjust to cold or hot temperatures.
Personally. I have noticed I sleep less, 6-7 hours at night. I feel awake but tire easily (which I think is more related to surgery recovery). I have definitely felt colder and always have a blanket over me.
http://www.pnas.org/content/early/2009/08/03/0903090106.full.pdf

Have you personally called the insurance company? That's where I would start. Be your own advocate. Get them to fax the letter and mail you a copy - and even fax it or email it if they have the capability. You should receive a copy in the mail anyway. Call and don't stop calling until you get what you're asking for.

you guys, how in the world do you get one of those tracker things everyone has on their comments?
oh, by the way: I live in the Denver area and I was "sleeved" on 12/12. I was 255 2 days before surgery, my weight the day of surgery was 251 and I am now down to 239! and so thrilled! I don't know how much longer I can stand the yogurt or cottage though! I am in the "pureed" stage until Jan 12!

Hi all. I am now down roughly 60 pounds and seven weeks out from when I started my liquid pre-diet. Am also having some awesome NSV moments. Some are:

No longer wearing 3x shirts. They are packed and ready to be taken to Goodwill. My size 48 (expandable) pants? Gone too. Can button my pants at my belly button. No more "slant pants." I wore a much smaller belt...and it was a new one! Went three days this past week without needing a mid day nap. Three days now without any slimes or throwing up. Joined a local health club to work out. Snoring is all but gone. No more BP meds at all (125/65 is normal now). And BMs much more normal and less stressful. Bought myself an I-touch. That was my 50 pound loss gift to myself. Any suggestions for the 100 plateau? That's a short list, but ones that come to mind.

Please, share yours!

Let's look at the fact that this journey is not just about the weight loss, but about all the wonderful things that continue to happen along the ride!

I'll be blunt, it's probably cheaper than a funeral - which is where you are generally heading when morbidly obese. I was and it's the best thing I've ever donw for myself. I have insurance and paid myself to get it sooner without waiting for the insurance companies games.

I just paid the remainder of my surgery bill this morning before my surgery next Monday! I also have an insurance exclusion. I certainly feel that the end result will be worth it. I look at it as a substantial investment in my health and my future. I just think of all the money I have spent on food, diets, bigger clothes, and gym memberships over the years and the medical bills that will follow from the effects of obesity if I don't take care of this problem. In my mind it makes perfect financial sense.
I don't think about weight regain. I look at this as a change for life. I will follow the rules and do what it takes to lose and then maintain. I wouldn't make this decision or spend this kind of money if I was not truly ready to do the work... whatever it takes! I am certain that with commitment, this will absolutely work. I have had fearful thoughts like you, but have too many examples of success to ignore.
Best of luck in your decision!

To add to what Rootman says....make sure that when you are swimming, you look straight down at the bottom of the pool. Many people new to swimming have a tendency to want to look up when taking breathes instead of tilting the head just slightly to the sides. Just practice, practice, practice. Lastly, strengthening your core will help with sinking legs too!!!

Legs dropping is typically a sign of trying to keep your head too high. Try pressing your shoulders down. It also indicates a slow pace, picking up the pace of both the stroke and kick might help If you're like me and having problems breathing then get a snorkel.
I swim 1 1/2 mile 5 or 6 days a week and I too find it's the only excercise I really enjoy. And as others have said as long as your incisions are healed well and you're up to it go for it. You'll get winded pret ty fast but just keep moving and you'll build up your strength in a few weeks.

I think that it just indicates that you aren't carrying as much fat in your legs as elsewhere in your body, since the fat provides extra bouyancy. My wife was somewhat dismayed after losing so much weight after her WLS that she had to work harder to stay afloat! So, this will change as you lose weight, and everything will sink more evenly.

I am 5 weks post op and swim at least 2 X's a week, It the only exercise I love.

There are several issues with alcohol, and different docs have differeing concerns about them. The basic initial concern is healing of the stomach, and that's where many docs come down to something around a three month limitation. Empty calories, too is a concern during the weight loss period, but that's no different than talking about Twinkies or any other kind of junk food. The biggie that some docs fret over is liver health - as obese patients, our livers are generally in pretty poor shape to begin with, and then they are further taxed with their role in metabolizing all of the fat that we are losing - they don't need any more stress from metabolizing the alcohol. So, that's where some docs come up with a no alcohol during the entire weight loss period policy - this is my doc's plan, and he's a bit more anal about liver health than most WLS docs as he also does liver transplants, and he doesn't want to see his bariatric patients coming back as transplant patients.
The other concern is the prospect of transfer addiction - many of us were addicted to food, and with that taken away by the surgery, that addiction can be transferred to something else that was never a problem pre-op, like alcohol or gambling - so that is something to watch out for. The other thing to watch is that most find that their body's response has changed - usually feeling the alcohol's effects sooner and with less (things tend to go thru quicker, particularly liquids), but then they tend to recover quicker, too.
Those are the major issues that influence the differerent surgeons' policies on alcohol and WLS, so take them for what you will. Overall, the occasional drink is not likely to be any more harmful than the occasional twinkie, but there are potential problems with it being a regular thing during the post-op period.
Good luck, and may you have something to celebrate!

I nearly drunk a whole entire bottle of champagne on New Year's. Whoops.... and I have had quite a scotch whiskey's and bourbon's throughout the holiday season. You will probably be fine. I would ask your surgeon directly what he means with alcohol consumption if you are worried. However, it hits me like a fire truck and leaves me in two seconds flat. Just be aware, alcohol doesn't sit the same as it used to.