Chimera

Kim, it in no way bums me out for you to talk about your mama. What actually bugs me are people who want to pretend the dead were never here. If you lose someone you really love, you still carry some of them in your heart forever.
I went to a fun low key mardis gras soiree on Tuesday. I was getting sick but still in denial. Didn't cough on anyone so probably ok. Yesterday hit me hard but I went to bed about 2 in the afternoon and am a little better. It's just a cold/cough/ sore throat. I am hoping to be mended by weekend as I have fun plans!
My trip to costa rica is booked and ready for April. So excited!

If you live long enough, you are bound to see a loved one pass away... I still think about my mom every day, and talk to here now and then. I lost the person I thought of as Mom first to a sudden blader infection that went to her brain... she did recover from that... then had a series of mini-strokes, and then the slow onset of dementia.... ending with a larger stroke... I do believe she was still there at the end, to some degree... you know how they say that people become clear right before they pass away? My mom couldn't talk, but came around and held my hands, and looked deeply into my eyes and really made a connection with me the day before she passed. It was really lovely to have that. I talked to her a lot, and the whole family did as well, and lavished love and compliments and the promise that we would all be ok and she could leave and not feel sad or afraid. I told her a story about how all the love she gave us throughout our lives would come back to her and fill her with light, and she would be able to feel and give that love again. My mom was religious, and my dad not at all... but he kept telling her that she was going to be an angel and she need to keep an eye on him because she was his angel. It was really sweet and rich, and of course so sad... but saying goodby was sweet none the less.
I hope Im not bumming you guys out by talking about this... its just we do understand... it is a big and difficult part of life caring for and watching our loved ones suffer, change, fade away from who they were.. but also so important to engage in as well as we can. Caring and generosity are only really gained from practice.

TaDa - my first multiquote post!!!
Kelly, I don't think we discussed braces here, but my friend Theo is something of an expert. He sent me a link on a bunch of them which I can hopefully type in correctly.
mykneestretches.com/best-knee-brace-reviews
knee-pain-explained.com/knee-brace.html
My conclusiion is that for 20-30 bucks you can get a good brace. Most people like the ones that are "wrap" style and that is what I have. Mueller is a good brand that they sell at say walgreens
I am thinking of buying a higher end one (from Amazon) to have "just in case" hiking gives me any grief this summer. I As best I can tell, the higher end ones are more comfortable and perhaps more designed for specific activties. I value my active lifestyle and have every intention of continuing it. i do not have daily pain on my knees, I just know they are damaged and like I said I tweaked the right one doing a stupid zumba class (my foot caught on the rubber floor and put lateral torque on it). It's better now... but...
I have tried various supplements for joint issues and never noticed a difference - I think I have a bottle of the Osteo Biflix in my cabinet right now in fact. I just recall that Coops posted about a supplement that made a difference for her husband and he has quite serious knee issues so thought I would give it a go, but I had never heard of it so when I went back to find it I couldn't remember enough to find it even!
Oh Denise... what a nightmare. Infections are bad stuff. I had a bone infection as a child - it was in my clavicle. It made for a very sick kid but I DID make a complete recovery (eventually) without surgery. In fact, it was a "one last try" at antibiotics before surgery because my mother was horrified at the size of the scar it would leave on a girls body.and she knew they could not afford plastic surgery to fix it I was taken out of school for about 3 months, put on heavy duty antibiotics and had to rest and sleep alot. It was hellish, but thank you mom - this was better than surgery. I am sparing you some of the details as I don't want to frighten you - but it was a tough recovery and I was sick for a long time before it was finally beaten permanently.
I am sure your daughter has told you this, but given that you are fighting an infection, do everything you can to fuel your body for the fight. Worry less about your weight and more about healthy fuel (ie no junk, but eat more healthy whole foods). I would keep the Protein up too. Don't worry about working out or any of that - to me you are still in recovery mode from a major insult to the body and do what you can to bolster yourself up. It is really hard since you are very stressed by it, but I think alot of positive healing visualizations and stuff like that can really help too. I believe so strongly in the power of the mind to either lift us up or bog us down...
Hang in there - keep us posted on what they are doing next.
Oh, and textiles can make interesting wall adornment if they fit the style of your home. I have also used paint techniques like having an accent wall or something like that. Now these days, it is my lack of interest in it all that is the problem.

Sheryl - have you considered low impact fitness instead of this stuff that keeps tearing you up?
I think every last one of us needs to be in therapy. Hell, I think every human on the planet needs therapy, at least, every human who lives in a sad disconnected digitized isolating western culture of punishment :/

I still take Ostio biflex once a day.. it has made a dif on my knee. Also the old ice and tylanol help too.
This is the one... sometime on sale at RiteAid.... http://www.vitacost.com/osteo-biflex-one-per-day-glucosamine-hci-and-vitamin-d3

Sorry you had such a miserable time at that support group meeting - I have only attended the meetings that my surgeon's office hold. I had not gone in a long time due to my new schedule, as well as the topics which were geared more towards early pre and post-ops. I had a great time at the last meeting and I felt re-energized at the last one I attended. My docs office seems to be very interested in those of us who are further and further out from surgery - as we know this is where the rubber meets the road We used to have a few folks from here that attended, (Fiddleman and his wife, Steph, and a few others) but I have not seen those folks in quite a while.
The cookie monster seems to still come around and the poo is still green and blue! I must have the world's slowest GI system of my insides are permanently stained from that Seahawks cupcake frosting - maybe the Patriots tainted it so I will have it forever lol. (JK New England fans).
I am so sorry you are going through such an ordeal with your infection Denise - I hope some relief comes soon, hang in there!
Kim hope you have decent weather for your bird watching trip!
Sheryl, I think you have a great attitude about the weight you are at now - I am always thrying to get to a place where I feel okay with my weight - not sure I ever have had that, even when I was under 120 lbs about a thousand years ago

I should mention that while I should not care about other people's opinion I really do. Problem is that I don't 100% trust my own view of me. So, my friends have been telling me (even super skinny Shawn who dresses to hide her skinniness) that I look better at this weight.
Well, I decided to pick up dating again; although at times I wonder why i bother. I met someone I really like though - hot guy, my age, we had fun together out one evening. Have no idea if we will keep going out - but he said something to me that kinda stuck. He has no idea my history of obesity - nothing - we just met. He told me what an incredible body I have - his last girlfriend was in her low 30s so this is not a "for your age" comment. Anyway, I realize there was some flattery going on but it added to the ideas I already have going on which is what exactly am I trying to do here?
What I do need to do is whittle down to the low 150s so i have a bounce range... but i can do that slowly and a less stressfully I hope. It was strange to see the scale dropping as i moved away from trying 5:2. I don't know why.

I think I am officially declaring 5:2 dead for me. I am down a few pounds so it is not that but I believe my theory that the low cal days contribute to mood issues and I love being med free and little anxiety. So what has been working is having 3 "light" days a week -certainly more than 500 calories. 3 normal days and one high carb day. I also try to have a true overnight fast...don't eat late and defer Breakfast. I moved almost a ton of hay on Friday, one 65# bale at a time. It was hard, but I did it. Back to kickboxing.
I decided I am happier weighing 157 (my weight this am) while feeling healthy, strong and fairly happy than shooting for 140# at the cost of any of that. I am going to keep whittling down so I have a comfortable buffer but the whole universe is telling me to just get over it because I haven't gone through all this to simply carry angst over some effing number that nobody seems to think I am better with.
I saw my primary care doc last week and she brought up how ill I was last spring (which is how I got to 140) and to be vigilant to prevent that from happening again. It really made me reflect on what's important.

So sorry to hear your infection is still there.... time to get serious for sure.... and please do not worry about your weight.... put it 2nd in line after your health... Im sure you look great! Sheryl, I hear you about the meeting... its like a bunch of babies without a clue about the future..... and that gal with the band.... really, you were there for each other... that connection is the reason that meeting was worth going to. I went to one meeting early on, after I was pretty much at goal... I was the only sleeve.... all rny and bands... no one could relate.
I am on a bird watching field trip right now... so much fun... saw my first bald eagle.... so cool. Take care all!

No, my infection is not gone. I am so depressed. I cry all the time. I have had an infection since the beginning of Nov.
tomorrow I go in and see my nurse practitioner. If I had a dr. it would help enormously . She is going to refer me to a infection specialist. My daughter the nurse wants to see if she can refer me for a cat scan , I am not sure if that is in the scope of her capabilities, but the doctor who runs the clinic is. He is the one that called me when I was septic. Either way, I am not going back to my surgeon who does nothing
My weight is the same 142-143. I just can't diet right now. I can make sure I'm not eating too much junk,but I can't limit other stuff. I am just to depressed.
I'm glad we have each other. There is sure a mix of us who gained back our 5:2 weight, but at least all of us are trying. That's all we can do. And best of all, we have each other.

Well, I'm 6 days out from a breast lift/augmentation and bilateral medial thigh lift (with the long inner thigh incision). I had abdominplasty, butt lift and bilateral brachioplasty last August. The swelling from the first surgery in August was just starting to go down, and now it's back in full force! I'm up about 15 pounds from my lowest weight, and I have to say, it's the swelling that is miserable! And, the Water weight went directly to my arms and abdomen and hips, as well as the thighs and breasts. Basically, everything that I've worked on is a magnet for Fluid retention. I feel like a stuffed sausage.
However, this second surgery is much easier to recover from that the first - night and day difference! Even with two large drains still in my groin, I'm not feeling too bad!
One of the reasons I decided to do this it to feel "finished". I hate it when I can't complete something I set out to do, and I just felt so incomplete with all the loose skin. While I'll never have a perfect body, that was never my goal. I think my surgeon got me closer than I even hoped. I also believe that it will help me maintain my weight loss. While it's no guarantee, I do think that it might help, but I guess only time will tell.
For anyone considering plastics, there is a lot to think about. I had some open wounds from the first surgery that took nearly 4 months to heal, but I still think it was worth it. I have swelling that I find miserable, but even if it lasts a year, it's temporary, and it's way better than loose skin. And I do have a lot of scars, but they are fading, and will continue to do so. That loose, flabby skin was never going to tighten on it's own. I feel much better in my skin now, even with the swell hell I'm in.
So, while I thought I'd come here to complain about it, I also have to say I don't regret it! Things haven't settled into place yet, but even still, I look way better than before. Even though it's a difficult surgery to recover from, I'd do it again (but thank goodness I don't have to, lol!) Thanks for listening!

Bah just lost my post - trying again
 
I am up post - Superbowl which is no surprise. As my father in law would say I have "Plumpinosis". I am working my way back down towards those lower calorie days which make me feel better in every area, physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. 
The cookie monster showed up at our house for the big game bearing football shaped Cookies and green and blue frosted cupcakes - these little gems has had myself and my family pooing fluorescent colors ever since, which leads me to beleive that they are not something I should ever eat again lol.
 
We will have to deal with this madness for the rest of our lives - Florinda, please don't be too hard on yourself, I can absolutely relate to how you are feeling and reacting right now. It is so easy to get into the mode of beating ourselves up when we feel that we have somehow failed - but you haven't! 
 
If you can make a little list of 3 things that make you feel good about yourself and try and do those things each day - I find it can go a long way towards helping self-esteem. Writing down our food, Water, Vitamins for the day, crossing some simple chores of the list, doing a load of laundry, etc. When it gets bad just take it a minute at a time. It is just fine that we aren't perfect - we should never expect that from ourselves. We just need to do the best we can on any given day - and often times, being kind to ourselves is both the hardest thing to learn, as well as the most challenging - I know it has been and continues to be for me.
 
Hang in there guys - love ya and today is another chance for us to feel better about ourselves!

I'm like you coops, 3lb down for January. The scale was good for this weeks weigh in so for February I'm down 2lb and I hope it continues to go down. Having the trainer back helps as I train with her for an hour on Tuesday which then seems to give the momentum to exercise 3 further times in the week. I can't say I like exercise but I do appreciate that it is a necessary evil for me.
Florinda, hope you have sorted your pay out and found your thief or left a little laxative in the next box!
I find it amazing that virtually all of us are fighting some regain, at least we all know how the others feel.
We've got this Ladies.

Florinda, I don't know anything but you describe picking at skin,out of control housekeeping etc...could your current weight gain be a symptom rather than cause of your distress? If you had weight loss rather than gain what would you do to feel better in these other areas? I ask this because it becomes a habit to blame everything on being heavier than we want but maybe the underlying issue is something else.
I am trying exercise/kickboxing again... after a week of resting my knee.
I am doing so good in so many ways but every once in a while I feel that sense of panic...what am I doing with my life??? I wish I could let go of this thinking but it rears its head sometimes. Today it hit me because i made a choice to go out with Steven rather than do fun stuff with a group on Saturday and I have people annoyeded at me over it. I am annoyed at me over it...like what am I doing? It is a very small thing actually but it made me feel like I am blowing in the wind rather than setting my own course. This was just over going out..Haha...on serious matters I feel similarly rudderless at times.
I told my friend Shawn that I made one goal, it is fitness related and it made me feel good to have a plan for one thing in my life at least.

offical weigh in yesterday - another pound off - that means it has been a total of 3lbs for the month of Jan. At least it is going down eh?

What is transoral suturing?
It is horrible to be gaining - the struggle will be with us forever I think. And I don't think you're alone in this battle either!
x

Eff'n Well said! I can still fit into my skinny jeans, but the spare tire is not pretty. I can reallys see the regain sitting on the middle. Blub. I don't want to protes too much, its not 30 and I have been there too... but it is just such a pain in the ass.

Well, it's Friday. Managed to end up about 630 cals yesterday. I soooo wanted to eat nuts until I ate the whole can but stopped with a small hand full of almonds and few peanuts and that's why my cals were over but I'm claiming victory since I did Stop myself. ????.
Finally the fourth pound I can count as solid loss and another 1/2, but dear lord, that's 4 1/2 pounds in four weeks!! I'm trying to visualize what really made the difference and how we psyched ourselves up last time.
Think it was because it was all "new and shiny?" ????. Whatever. I'm GOING to get these pounds back down. I want to be back at goal by spring/early summer.
Sigh.

Another day of good fasting intentions has been dashed... God, I wish I could get my head out of the shed and into the fast zone - but this week has just been a total mess... three times I 'tried' to fast and three times I couldn't manage it!
I think it is time for me to be kind to 'me' and not beat myself up over this week... put it down to experience and the fact that life goes on regardless of what the scales says!

So, I had a mini meltdown yesterday... but I am over it.
When I (re)injured my knee - remember, i freaking know I have bone on bone arthritis and have spent time walking with a crutch or cane due to it - I just cycled up about not being able to keep skiing, kick boxing, riding, dancing - living life! It hurt just walking running errands and i had visions of MRIs, knee surgeries and getting fat again. It was weird, it was like a post traumatic stress event - imagining myself basically partially disabled like I was at 310-350# weight class and bad knees again.
Last night I met a friend for dinner and we had lots of laughs. I also talked to Theo (my hiking buddy from last summer that I sorta dated but we never really went anywhere) and he is something of an expert in "joint management" and he talked me off the bridge so to speak.
Today, I woke up and my knee didn't hurt. I didn't have to wear a brace, and it still didn't hurt. I took my own advice to rest it a bit more and didn't go back to kickboxing or skiing... but I think I am going to live.
It was strange to realize how terrified, at a very core level I am of losing my physical ability. I think it is because I spent not just years, but decades, limited in my abilities. My inner athlete has surfaced kinda late in life (people who are recent friends are astounded I was not a jock in high school and college - nope, i was the obese bookworm nerd!) and I guess it feels so fragile, undeserved, and like it could just disappear on me in an instant. Wow. That has been a shocking revelation.

can you believe it? I'm actually taking the Bariatric Support certification all day webinar today! I've been trying for a year ! Last chance for free so made it work. Hopefully, at some point can use what I learn somewhere.

Good fast day Monday (508 calories), a clean eating day yesterday as well as a session with the trainer and I'm rewarded with a 2lb weight loss this week. So total is now 4lb off the regain. I need to keep this up but it sure is hard.
I would be interested to hear if any of you took the survey on that bbc site (bbc.co.uk/rightdiet) to find out what sort of eater you are. I thought I was an emotional eater and it came out that way. Emotional eaters it said need groups to help with their weight loss and interaction and support of fellow dieters. That's why I need you guys, I don't have that support system around me here. The part of the UK I'm in does not seem to have support groups for WLS and those that do are only available to you if you had your op at their facility. I went to Europe for mine (equivalent of going to Mexico) so do not have follow up support.
Denise I hope you get the problem with your wound sorted out soon.

Here is the youtube copy of the diet show Cathy posted about:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejKsL34s7cE

Here are the YaYas and I. Dear, lifelong friends at Keeter Lodge in Hollister, MO. Fabulous place. I'm the far right. ????

Can we just say that this weekend was not my finest?! LOL. Annual trip with YaYas and it was,"what and when are we going to eat now?" Ha! Love my girls, though, and I have forgiven myself today and moved on to a new 5:2 fast day Along With the brand new horrible cold I have also! ????.
And, Coops and Cathy, My heart goes out to you. As many said, once we get to the place where we become the caregiver/overseer/parent for our parents it is extremely difficult to deal with emotionally. It was for me. It takes a toll on us and formerly, we would compensate with food. Thankfully, even if you stumble, you have learned to handle it and your sleeve helps out. Sending love to you both.
Sheila, SOOO good to hear from you. Boy, I do NOT envy you the two hour commute. I have one hour each way but only three days week, thankfully.
Denise!! I'm in agreement. You really need to get to a wound specialist. I'm so sorry to hear this has flared up again.
Yeah, Kim and Sheryl, I'm certainly not doing as well YET on non-fast days. Way too easy to sabotage myself! I really need to lose these 20 pounds again!!! That would put me back in the high 140s where I really feel good.
Florinda , I'm going to look at that link. No idea what that is. And Cathy, going to see if I can find a YouTube or google that program. Sounds interesting.
Happy Tuesday, All!