Matt Z

Depends on how you heal, but 10 days after I was on the elliptical machine for like 10 - 30 mins a time, several times a day.

Close to 400 in the first, 180 in the second.

+1

Wow..... @Matt Z You do know you are not the norm.... most men would not be able to handle things as well as you did.... Prop to you.

First and foremost you need to tell him Everything you need and want to, doesn't matter if he wants to hear it or not, you NEED to tell him how you feel, stick with I statements. I feel this way when this. I feel this way when that. Keep them pointed at you, so he doesn't feel attacked and shut down before you can even get started.

Do not be afraid to tell him that he's going to end up pushing you away.

You said he's overweight too, odds are he's jealous of your progress, how you are (I'm sure) feeling MUCH better, more energy, more attention from others. He's more than likely upset that he feels he's being left behind. But all of that is on him not you.
You are not and will never be responsible for anyone other than your own reactions. If he's upset, that's for him to figure out why, is he upset that you are losing weight? If so... that's not your problem or fault or responsibility to fix for him.

My wife and I have been married for almost 22 years now.
I've known my wife was bi for 23+ years.
It wasn't until a good 5 years into our marriage that she finally "saw" it as well.
I got fat... almost 400 ish (sitting at 190ish now)
I knew that I wasn't providing her the things she needed to feel "complete" or "fulfilled" sexually.
I handled the Male side of things ok, but I got a lot of "not now, I don't feel good" etc, I constantly felt like I was being pushed away. When we started opening our relationship up, we talked.... a lot. Who wanted what, why, what were the rules, boundaries, etc. We had long, very embarrassing discussions. But in the end, we both knew where we were and what was needed to keep each of us "happy" together.
The idea wasn't to replace, it was to fill in.
I could never be a woman, even with things being hidden by fat and having breasts... I'm not woman and never will be, so, in my mind, how can I be mad at her for wanting what I can't provide. So rules in hand we started to go out and meet people, together.
I pushed her to go dance and be playful and to have fun. At first she was afraid I would be left out, and I knew I would be. And I was. But she had her time, I got some time too with a few but for the most part, it was all for her.

Then I lost the weight.
The wife was never really THAT big, she did hit 170-190 ish at one point, but that was because the whole house was eating like crap.
I lost weight and so did she.
We started working out together.
We started getting more attention from others as well.

My big issue is that, she reacts to me the way I would react when I was big. I was unhappy with myself, super self conscious, hated myself and lashed out a lot. She was reacting to the old me, not the new me. That spun some new deep convos, one we still work on.

We met our current girlfriend back in October. At first she was really into the wife, but also interested in me, but as she was more gay than bi, it was the wife she was found of, but that slowly changed, our GF had some issues with past trauma from other GFs, so I because this shelter, and the roles that my wife and I dealth with for years, reversed. Now she's the one that feels left out or pushed aside, not that she is, just that, that's how she feels. So more and more long awkward open convos and things are so much better.

I think the take away is, open up and talk. Drop your most uncomfortable information right in his lap and let him deal with it.
Most men were brought up not to express ANY emotion or weakness. I've worked hard to push past that, I know that if I"m upset, I'm allowed to be upset. I cry, I get emotional, I get sad and pissed. I get needy and want to feel loved or want to feel desired. I know that a lot of my control issues come from lack of control and other things from my past, but, the 3 of us talk often. We sit down and discuss things. We have gotten to the point where one of us can request "private time" with the other and no one gets upset about it.

It's been very VERY hard. All the body issues I face, control issues I face, jealousy, envy, etc.
All gets sorted when talk.
Not to say that you'll talk and it'll end up great for the 2 of you, but as some have pointed out above, sometimes we change and no longer fit with our spouse. And there really isn't anything wrong with that. Humans grown, change and evolve. You've made a drastic evolution. Why is he upset? Only he knows for sure.

Good luck and congrats on the loss! You look like you feel MUCH better!

First and foremost you need to tell him Everything you need and want to, doesn't matter if he wants to hear it or not, you NEED to tell him how you feel, stick with I statements. I feel this way when this. I feel this way when that. Keep them pointed at you, so he doesn't feel attacked and shut down before you can even get started.

Do not be afraid to tell him that he's going to end up pushing you away.

You said he's overweight too, odds are he's jealous of your progress, how you are (I'm sure) feeling MUCH better, more energy, more attention from others. He's more than likely upset that he feels he's being left behind. But all of that is on him not you.
You are not and will never be responsible for anyone other than your own reactions. If he's upset, that's for him to figure out why, is he upset that you are losing weight? If so... that's not your problem or fault or responsibility to fix for him.

My wife and I have been married for almost 22 years now.
I've known my wife was bi for 23+ years.
It wasn't until a good 5 years into our marriage that she finally "saw" it as well.
I got fat... almost 400 ish (sitting at 190ish now)
I knew that I wasn't providing her the things she needed to feel "complete" or "fulfilled" sexually.
I handled the Male side of things ok, but I got a lot of "not now, I don't feel good" etc, I constantly felt like I was being pushed away. When we started opening our relationship up, we talked.... a lot. Who wanted what, why, what were the rules, boundaries, etc. We had long, very embarrassing discussions. But in the end, we both knew where we were and what was needed to keep each of us "happy" together.
The idea wasn't to replace, it was to fill in.
I could never be a woman, even with things being hidden by fat and having breasts... I'm not woman and never will be, so, in my mind, how can I be mad at her for wanting what I can't provide. So rules in hand we started to go out and meet people, together.
I pushed her to go dance and be playful and to have fun. At first she was afraid I would be left out, and I knew I would be. And I was. But she had her time, I got some time too with a few but for the most part, it was all for her.

Then I lost the weight.
The wife was never really THAT big, she did hit 170-190 ish at one point, but that was because the whole house was eating like crap.
I lost weight and so did she.
We started working out together.
We started getting more attention from others as well.

My big issue is that, she reacts to me the way I would react when I was big. I was unhappy with myself, super self conscious, hated myself and lashed out a lot. She was reacting to the old me, not the new me. That spun some new deep convos, one we still work on.

We met our current girlfriend back in October. At first she was really into the wife, but also interested in me, but as she was more gay than bi, it was the wife she was found of, but that slowly changed, our GF had some issues with past trauma from other GFs, so I because this shelter, and the roles that my wife and I dealth with for years, reversed. Now she's the one that feels left out or pushed aside, not that she is, just that, that's how she feels. So more and more long awkward open convos and things are so much better.

I think the take away is, open up and talk. Drop your most uncomfortable information right in his lap and let him deal with it.
Most men were brought up not to express ANY emotion or weakness. I've worked hard to push past that, I know that if I"m upset, I'm allowed to be upset. I cry, I get emotional, I get sad and pissed. I get needy and want to feel loved or want to feel desired. I know that a lot of my control issues come from lack of control and other things from my past, but, the 3 of us talk often. We sit down and discuss things. We have gotten to the point where one of us can request "private time" with the other and no one gets upset about it.

It's been very VERY hard. All the body issues I face, control issues I face, jealousy, envy, etc.
All gets sorted when talk.
Not to say that you'll talk and it'll end up great for the 2 of you, but as some have pointed out above, sometimes we change and no longer fit with our spouse. And there really isn't anything wrong with that. Humans grown, change and evolve. You've made a drastic evolution. Why is he upset? Only he knows for sure.

Good luck and congrats on the loss! You look like you feel MUCH better!

I agree can not be handled here - But as a guy my view is he is being selfish and Jealouse - You marry the person for who they are not what they look like! My x wife is still large, and we do have a physical relationship still. I am not going to say i do not notice he weight but i let it pass and I realize I care and married her for who she is not what she looks like. She is the mother of my children and I have been with her for 25 years, Now she is going to get the surgery after the Covid Nightmare is over. Of Course another bill for Me! but what she looks like does not matter to me I just want her healthy and Happy
You both need a counselor ASAP -

Could be multiple issues.. maybe he's attracted to larger ppl. Maybe he's just not a sexual person. Maybe he's jealous of your new body.
But you really need to have a Frank discussion with him

Big tip, Stop worrying about weight loss right now. Focus on your intakes. The rest will fall into line. It sucks, but it's worth it... so worth it. Get those habits instilled now. That said, this is normal. It will pass, just work on your Water and whatever, this will pass.

I figured it would be nice to have a section where we could just confess to some of the potentially dumb things we've done, pre or post op. Just so others can see we are all human. I want this to be kept as civil as possible, where people can own up to things without anyone else chiming in with anything negative, we all know what we did wasn't "right" but I'm sure we ALL have done something we shouldn't have.

I'll start.

I cheated on my pre-op diet a few times. I also like to find loop holes and exploit the crap out of them. I drank beer for a week+ on my pre-op, because it didn't say I couldn't. I only stopped after I was forced to, because my wife asked my surgeon and of course they said "no"... boo. I also ate a whole slice of French meat Pie at my Dad's 60th birthday luncheon.

I cheated on my post-op diet/puree stage a bit too. I ate rice cakes and Protein chips or other veggie chips. Not a lot, but it happened. I "pureed" a steak and cheese sandwich once. I ate a few fried ravioli on my puree stage as well.

This past weekend, I had a beer. My wife and I took my parents out to dinner at a local casino, it's Restaurant week, so we found a good looking location and went out to eat, part of the deal was that you got a draft beer with your meal. So, I had a shipyard summer ale with my grilled chicken parm sandwich (only ended up eating 3 bites of the chicken and none of the bread).

I did all that thus far and nothing bad happened.
I understand the changes are to ensure we stick to our diets, but understanding that we are all human and WILL either slip up or just stray from our diets on purpose like I did. It's good to see that, it's possible to still live and be able to enjoy a few things we "shouldn't" without any negatives happening.

So, what's your WLS confession?

Extremely helpful. Thank you!

As stated above, square inch for square inch Muscle weighs more than fat. So as you reduce fat stores and increase muscle mass, you can see weight gains. That's why I've pushed so hard for people to stop tracking weight as a specific number and start looking at the trend. I've tracked weight and body fat my whole process, not really caring about the numbers exactly, but what I was doing and which direction those numbers moved. The more I work out for muscle, my body fat drops and my weight gains. When I focus on cardio, my weight drops, sometimes body fat does as well, but not as fast as when working out for muscle gain. This is because larger muscle mass requires more energy in rest than smaller muscles do, so, bigger muscle mass, larger fuel requirements, faster fat breakdown.

Plus,our bodies get used to what's going on and start to level off. Check into Intermittent Fasting if you haven't yet, really get me through some serious stalls.

Proper muscle. Lean muscle weighs more than fat. So obviously to gain muscle you need to gain weight but the weight is muscle not fat

I'm in a similar boat, started the whole ordeal at around 400 lbs. I've been floating right around 190 for the last year or so now. I never thought I'd see 250 again, let alone be sub 200!!

Congrats!

This is very important. I'm starting to creep up on 200 again, but I've been working out so my body fat is dropping while the weight might increase.

This is very important. I'm starting to creep up on 200 again, but I've been working out so my body fat is dropping while the weight might increase.

Congrats both Mikey and Matt Z! Both are very impressive!
I have a question if you don't mind. Mikey I like the idea of prolonging the Protein Shake as primary Protein source for a few months. Do your shakes have many carbs? How many were you drinking per day?

I'm in a similar boat, started the whole ordeal at around 400 lbs. I've been floating right around 190 for the last year or so now. I never thought I'd see 250 again, let alone be sub 200!!

Congrats!

All of this will cause/contribute to weight gain/prevent losses. In addition to the hormones. If you are drinking any calories (alcohol), that will also put the weight on like nobody's beeswax. I could be guaranteed to gain 5 lbs overnight any time I took my old pain meds that I no longer take.

What a ride this journey has been. I never thought I would ever get this far and definitely not this quickly.
I have worked so hard though; was super strict on myself from day 1; I feel that is just my nature; it's either 110% or its nothing.. go hard or go home!!!
So one morning I just decided this is the day I'm going to start my diet and change my life.
I had spent the past 15+ years of my life helping everyone else in my family and ignoring my own health issues mental and physical.. I researched the surgery options and trawled this website for months whilst waiting for my surgery to happen.
I found a great doctor and surgeon and he agreed with me that the roux en y bypass was definitely my best chance at success and a future.
I took everyone's advice on board but ultimately I knew it would be my choice and my decision to change my life. I also gave up alcohol now nearly 4 years ago..
I started journey at the highest weight of 322LBS with multiple comorbidities and medications keeping me alive.
Eventually I went into hospital on October 28th 2019 and had the bypass surgery and I knew there was no turning back; its now on me to prove to everyone including the doubters I could do it!!!
Here I am 6 months and 9 days later and this morning I weighed in at 175.5LBS and I'm not sure if my body is even done yet... I've had a few stalls along the way but none longer than 1 week so I've been very lucky; I've stuck to my diet pretty religiously since day one.. I was using Protein Shakes pretty much for the whole first 5 months with some small things like yoghurt and tuna but the past few weeks I've been adding more carbs and experimenting with real foods and not being so strict but still keeping focused on my weight of course.
For the first time in my life I feel normal and I feel happy and excited for the future and I never thought I would get this far 175.5lbs is an amazing effort which equals to 146.5lbs lost gone forever in just over 6 months!!!
I hope I can show others it is possible to change your life for the better you just have to be committed, you have to be mentally prepared, you have to be doing this for yourself and nobody else!!!
I hope I can be an inspiration to others!!!
Love Mikey

I figured it would be nice to have a section where we could just confess to some of the potentially dumb things we've done, pre or post op. Just so others can see we are all human. I want this to be kept as civil as possible, where people can own up to things without anyone else chiming in with anything negative, we all know what we did wasn't "right" but I'm sure we ALL have done something we shouldn't have.

I'll start.

I cheated on my pre-op diet a few times. I also like to find loop holes and exploit the crap out of them. I drank beer for a week+ on my pre-op, because it didn't say I couldn't. I only stopped after I was forced to, because my wife asked my surgeon and of course they said "no"... boo. I also ate a whole slice of French meat Pie at my Dad's 60th birthday luncheon.

I cheated on my post-op diet/puree stage a bit too. I ate rice cakes and Protein chips or other veggie chips. Not a lot, but it happened. I "pureed" a steak and cheese sandwich once. I ate a few fried ravioli on my puree stage as well.

This past weekend, I had a beer. My wife and I took my parents out to dinner at a local casino, it's Restaurant week, so we found a good looking location and went out to eat, part of the deal was that you got a draft beer with your meal. So, I had a shipyard summer ale with my grilled chicken parm sandwich (only ended up eating 3 bites of the chicken and none of the bread).

I did all that thus far and nothing bad happened.
I understand the changes are to ensure we stick to our diets, but understanding that we are all human and WILL either slip up or just stray from our diets on purpose like I did. It's good to see that, it's possible to still live and be able to enjoy a few things we "shouldn't" without any negatives happening.

So, what's your WLS confession?

Get yourself one of those small under desk exercise "bikes" or "steppers", if you really are strapped to the desk for that long, there are also plenty of other things you can do to get some exercise in! Just googled "Desk exercises" or "chair exercises"
https://draxe.com/exercise-to-do-at-your-desk/
https://greatist.com/fitness/deskercise-33-ways-exercise-work

The band didn't perform up to advertised / reported specs. Ended up with some minor issues and struggled to keep the weight off. Revised to Bypass, dropped the rest of my weight and have kept it off for over a year now. Coming up on 2 years post revision in March.

The value of this thread for me, early on in the process, was seeing that one doesn't have to be perfect to be successful. I know myself, and know I am incapable of sticking to a very strict diet long term. Most BP posters preach rigorous compliance ... and that's not me. This thread gives insight that not everyone is perfect as is sometimes portrayed, and yet the weight still comes off.

Let me rephrase. I feel down right Fantastic overall.
Stairs... not even a second thought.
Walking, hiking, hell... running. No concerns.
Buying clothes that fit in a "normal" store in the "normal" section without having to pay XX fees... I almost cried the first time.
My wife and I are enjoying my new found energy, we go out dancing all the time now.

I just feel so much better than I did when I was heavy. SO.MUCH.BETTER!!!!