Couch to 5K in....9 Months!

When you Google ‘Couch to 5K’ you’re likely searching for the fastest route from the fitness of well, a relaxed root vegetable to feeling like an Olympian on the cover of a Wheaties Box.

And that’s fine if you’re an average root vegetable with a high tolerance to pain. I however, don’t really like pain, burning lungs or nausea so I sought a different route to resuscitate my fitness.

And ladies and gentlemen, I found it! Last week, the app on my iPhone with the heart on it, confirmed that I had actually run 3 complete miles--that’s 15,840 feet without stopping.

For the first time in my 48 years I had reached the level of fitness that many 4^th graders only dream of.

Now I know you're curious to know how I pulled it off, and in just nine months!!

In honor of the holiday and the spirit of giving, I’ve decided to share my details of triumph-- as my gift to you.

Aversion to Pain

Here’s a fun fact. When you begin a new fitness plan you’re going to experience something called the ‘training effect.’

This is a very scientific explanation for the reason your lungs feel like hot lava is coursing through them and your feet feel like lead every day for the first month and a half of your training.

Your body is simply trying to relearn how to handle all this new lactic acid you’re feeding it.

It’s just 6 weeks people. A mere 45 days of wanting to die.

Shockingly, I decided I wanted to circumvent the ‘training effect’ if at all possible.

For the first 4 weeks I simply walked like an Olympian. Well, let’s say I power walked.

But then I got impatient and decided to add a little running in. (By running I mean a chipper jog. And by a little, I mean a. little. )

I used the telephone poles along my route as start and stop markers. I’d walk the distance between two poles and then jog the next.

Gradually I increased the ‘running’ portion as I felt stronger and my bladder was cooperating.

15 Minutes Max!

Probably the cornerstone of my fitness feat is the absolute strict adherence to the 15 minute rule.

Whether I walked or walked and jogged, I always kept my total workout time to 15 minutes.

I know that might be hard to imagine and not everyone has this kind of discipline and fortitude; I am one of the fortunate ones.

One Goal, No Timeline

To be honest, I didn’t start with the 5K/3 mile mark as my goal.

My only goal was to be able to run more than 50 yards without having to stop from utter exhaustion.

This was really a day by day journey; my only quantifying measure was my perceived level of exhaustion.

I Made it Kinda Fun

Some running purists feel those who need music to run aren’t true lovers of the sport.

What these snarks are missing out on is the pure bliss of rocking out to Donna Summer’s Bad Girls when they pass the one mile mark.

The dance my soul does when it hears Petula Clark belt out Downtown or Spandau Ballet’s True, helps me bask in Eckhart Tolle’s Now instead of ‘how much longer???

And those neat apps that keep track of how far you’ve run? I figured out how to use them!

And you know what? They’re actually kind of motivating.

One day I started out jogging very slowly—no walking warm-up at all—and decided to see how long I could go without feeling I needed to dial 911.

I nearly wept, well I did cry, when I saw I had gone a mile. A mile!!

Now, I was on fire!

Within just another four weeks, still following the extremely disciplined 15 minute per day model, I was at TWO miles!!

Flash forward to last week when I hit the 3 mile mark. I’m surprised you didn’t hear the Chariots of Fire theme at your house.

I realize these kind of success stories are rare and sometimes hard to believe. But I ask you to suspend your doubt and believe that these events sometimes DO happen.

When you take a dedicated individual, unwilling to follow the rules, unconcerned what passersby might be thinking and challenge them to get fit in their own damn way, miracles can occur. Miracles.