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Showing content with the highest reputation since 02/15/2005 in Posts

  1. 65 points
    Today I had an "ah-ha" moment. It took 4 years, but I think I get it! It was triggered by this before photo popping up in my facebook memories from 5 years ago, (coupled with my most recent post-op photo taken last week, down 120 pounds since surgery in 2013). (attached below) ....And then reading the following quote on a friend's post: "Maybe the journey isn't so much about becoming anything. Maybe it's about unbecoming everything that isn't you so you can be who you were in the first place." I've struggled for years since losing the weight after surgery with questions of "is this the 'real' me, or am I just pretending and the 'real' 'fat' me will resurface sooner or later?" "Can people really change long-term?" It felt like the obese, sad, self-hating "me" was a monster waiting just below the surface to re-emerge. Give enough time and the right circumstances, the "real me" monster will rear it's head and I'll find myself back at nearly 300 pounds. Guys! I get it now! It's not about change. It's not about the "sticking power" of change. It's not about willpower or determination. It's not even about counting carbs, protein, calories, and ounces of water. Sure those are tools that help. But it's not about that. It's about doing the hard emotional work to figure out why I was hiding myself behind 150 excess pounds. It was about allowing myself to have a voice and using it. It was about demanding self-respect and respect from others. It was about leaving behind, painfully as it was in some cases, the toxic people in my life who emotionally damaged me. It was about processing the feelings that I didn't allow myself to feel for 18 years. Once I realized this, once I did this work, I could little by little shed the layers that hid who I was. I don't hate myself anymore. I'm not even angry at myself for letting myself get to be 300 pounds like I was when my journey started. I realize now that I was coping. I was doing the best I knew how to do at the time. I look at that person in the "before" picture below and I feel compassion because I know she did her best. I'm able now to let go the "fear" - and trust me, it's a literal fear - of that "real me" monster re-emerging from just below the surface. I can let it go because I realize, this is the real me. It was actually opposite. It was all the hiding I was doing under the emotional eating and the 150 excess pounds that was hiding the "real me." So I have to on some level disagree with those who say this is a process of change. Sure, you have to change your behavioral choices with food and exercise or none of this will work. But for me it was not "becoming a new person" or "changing" who I am as a person. For me it was about simply allowing myself to feel and allowing myself to return home to who I was before I was hurt and who the universe intends me to be. Feel free to check out my blog linked in my signature for more of my journey!
  2. 38 points

    From 289.7LBS to 138LBS ☺❤

    I feel like crying guys! What an amazing journey of discovering myself and learning how to love me again [emoji173]
  3. 35 points
    I can't believe it guys! I really can't! I am seriously crying tears of joy. When I started this process I was 540 pounds (I'm 5'10) and I wore a size 36/38. As a lot of you know I had my panniculectomy on June 5th and they removed 15 pounds of skin. Before my panniculectomy I wore a size 22 bottom and 14/16-18/20 top. I had bought smaller sized pants before my surgery because most of my pants were held up by my extra skin flap. Guys...I fit into a size EIGHTEEN!!! And I look super good!! I'm attaching some before and after pictures for you guys to enjoy! I can't believe this is real life! My stomach is flat!! (Please excuse my one drain in my one picture!)
  4. 34 points
    Well BP FAM , I'm back again with a rant. My husband and I were talking last night and he made comments in how he wished I never had this surgery. He stated that my butt has gone almost away and he felt all unneeded to do was tone up and lose my belly initially. Well, first of all, I don't know how you tone up 242 lbs with BMI 0f 39( which was my initial weight and BMI). So.... he proceeded to run his mouth about all the things I can't do like drink gallons of sweet tea, eat cake and Cookies, go to restaurants and eat appetizer , entree and dessert.. You know all of the healthy stuff that led me to be 242 lbs in the first place. Well, I was really hurt by his comments. My rebuttal was how much healthier I am , I am a lose size 10 as opposed to a tight size 16, I am no longer out of breath with walking 20 feet and I am able to exercise. I like how my body has changed and I told him I love my size. Well, he said "you don't have to be attracted to you, I do and you only needed to lose a little belly but now your butt has gone down tremendously " well needless to say I was pushed to my breaking point. I was like if you don't like what you see, go and find you a thick chic with a donkey's ass. I'm not even at goal yet so I'm gonna lose more and just ticked that he would say that to me which made me feel a lil insecure about my looks. Then I snapped out of it. I have posted pics on my other forums but I will put my last one here as well. Not tooting my own horn but I worked hard for these results . I had surgery in Dec 2016. I am just like dang I can't win for losing .i really thought I was doing good . My pics show one week after surgery on left, middle is 1 1/2 months post op and last pic on right was about 2 weeks ago.
  5. 31 points
  6. 30 points
    First I want to say thank you to so many of the veteran posters on here. I hope you gals and guys know how much your experiences and feedback have helped me and I suspect many others. There's just such a fantastic mix of people and experiences - It's great knowing you aren't alone in this journey. The first few months after surgery were easy. The weight was simply falling off, there wasn't anything I couldn't eat or drink - And better yet, I couldn't overeat because of the restriction. I felt fantastic most of the time, had all sorts of NSV's and loved my new life. From August until January I lost almost 50lbs - I was so close to Wonderland I could taste it. THEN reality struck - Suddenly I was one of those "slow losers" - It took almost 2 months to lose 13lbs. UGH, I WAS going to be one of those slow losers. OK, fine, I'm 52 and it is what it is, right? From January until May, I "only" lost 33lbs. Again, every week/month I told myself that I would lose the weight, I was just in some sort of a stall and things would magically pick up. Well, they didn't, I would lose 2-3 lbs and then I would gain 2-3 lbs. Again, "it's normal" I told myself. Fast forward to a week ago - I jumped on here for some motivation (reading stories, etc.) and I took a hard look at what I was doing. Basically, I was being lazy - I was eating whatever I wanted and justifying it by saying "I only eat small portions" - Well, yeah, that was true...BUT I was grazing, I was drinking too much alcohol, and I wasn't tracking. I honetly have no idea how many calories I was consuming (especially on weekends with family and friends). I played mind games with myself and said "As long as I'm not gaining, I'm doing things right." - Well, that was a giant load of (@*$. This past Tuesday (after a weekend of Mimosa's, Crown Royal, and some really great BBQ), I woke up to a 5lb gain (BTW, yes I realize some of that was water retention). WAKE UP CALL. 5lbs? Seriously - Time to go back to basics before that's a 10lb gain. For the first time in MONTHS, I tracked every thing I tracked everything that went into my mouth (water, food, etc) - I did 3 days of liquid - In two days, those 5lbs were off. Rather than what I've done in the past, I didn't stop there - I continued tracking, I continued being cognizant of what and when I was eating. I said "no" to many things that I thought I wanted. I lost 6.8lbs from Tuesday to Sunday. What? I'm NOT a slow loser - I'm a LAZY loser. Folks, for many of us, it's EASY in the first few months, it's EASY to convince ourselves that we're doing OK, it's EASY to compare ourselves to others, it's EASY to ignore signs that you're falling into bad habits, and it's EASY to get lazy. In reality, it's HARD to stick to your plan when you're feeling fantastic and patting yourself on the back for losing so much weight. I'm choosing to be thankful that this happened now rather than 2-3 years into it. I'm glad that reality smacked me in the face and forced me to face the fact that i wasn't doing what I needed to do. Right now it was EASY to get back on track before I let it get out of control. For those of you experiencing the same - Buckle up buttercup, start tracking, weigh yourself often if you need to, and take a good look and when and why you're losing weight and when and why you aren't. Again, a very special thank you to you old timers for always keeping things real and giving out such fantastic advice.
  7. 30 points
    Weighed in 278.4 day of surgery, 178.4 this morning. Sleeved 8/1 so just a bit over 10 months out. Also, I'm officially out of the "overweight" BMI range. (my info says 25 but BMI calc says I'm justttt under it) 8/1 (surgery) - 1/18 (about halfway between then and now) - 6/11 (today!) I'm 8.4lbs away from my initial goal but I think I might adjust to 150. Trying to get some kind of body fat testing done per suggestions in a thread I posted earlier this week so I can get a better idea of what's fat and what's skin.
  8. 28 points
    It's been a great year, and I wouldn't trade it for anything! Down a total of 221 pounds!!
  9. 28 points

    Lost 40 pounds in two weeks

    50 all together counting pre op diet, my doc was shocked.. I am to yesterday was my birthday.. And my weight loss was my greatest gift!!.. I sent this pic to my mom she was so shocker my face has slimmed down alot!!/& I have a neck now lol happy Sent from my Z981 using BariatricPal mobile app
  10. 28 points

    3 month success!!

    I am a little less than three months out and am down 40 lbs from my highest weight!! Only 100 to go! Left pic is at highest weight, right is last weekend. HW 285.8 SW 272.8 CW 246.4 GW 140 Sleeved 11/23

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