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So it has been 2 months since my surgery. I took an extended break from this blog and the site because I was getting crazy. I was crazy obsessed with every ounce that didn't come off when I thought it should, with every bite that went into my mouth (or didn't). For me, I couldn't read about the great weight loss that others were experiencing because it caused the same bad feelings I used to get when looking at fashion websites....and I knew for me that wasn't a good sign. Today is the first day in a very long time that I've logged back into the site. Here is what I think I've learned in the 2 months since my surgery: 1. It's more complicated than I thought it would be. I did really well on the two week pre-diet and I thought post op would be like that...I would religiously follow a strict plan and success would happen! For some reason that was much harder to do starting about 20 days post-op. Perhaps it was because I had been on liquids, squishy things for MONTHS at that point, perhaps it was Christmas and all the holiday habits...but I found myself eating things I knew I shouldn't....albeit very small quantities. So when I went back to the nutritionist at about 6 weeks post-op, she was supportive but also blunt. Eating bread, rice, pasta are not good post op because they swell in the stomach....hearing that made me really take notice....did I go through all this to sabotage it 6 weeks out with some bread? NO I DID NOT! 2. I have to be more patient with myself. I've settled into about 700-800 calories a day...which for me is allowing around 2 pounds loss per week...and I've become accepting of that. For some reason I thought it would be 6 or 7 pounds a week...but not for me. I have stopped weighing every day and weigh just once a week again. I've dropped so many clothes sizes that I recently had to give away some pants I wore for 3 weeks....3 weeks! I mention that because it is another way when the scale doesn't move to know that I'm doing right things. 3. If you share your journey with folks, they will ask you questions afterwards as well....especially "so how much have you lost" which is really annoying when you haven't lost anything in a couple of weeks. It can also be awkward when you go out to eat with them...like I sometimes have to do for work events. The first one I went to was at a freakin Pizza Parlor. I ordered the meat sub, minus the bread...and ate 1/4 of it...lol. The folks at the table kept asking me if I wanted a wing...which I didn't...and saying things like "I should really be eating like you". I think I made them feel guilty...which made me feel guilty. 4 I still like chocolate. There I said it. I have given up bread, rice and pasta....but I still crave chocolate and so when I enjoy a piece, I really enjoy it, log the calories and move on. I've also found some good diabetic dessert recipes that I'm working with. 5. I still like cooking....a lot! I cook different things (cauliflower "rice" anyone?) and I grill a lot. I'm also eating more fish. I'm glad this part of my life didn't go away... 6. I haven't figured out a consistent exercise plan yet. Most days I get 30 minutes of walking, but that is usually at work and is to and from meetings...while I'm glad to be able to do that, I know that I have to get some more intense cardio going to improve my heart health and stamina. So, one question I get a lot is ....was it worth it...and I would say absolutely YES! While not as fast or easy as I thought it would be, I have never in my adult life lost 57 pounds before...and I know in my core that those are 57 pounds I will not regain...so yes it was worth it! Till next time...Beth

Huge Victory for me!! My ticker has a skier on it because my first goal was to lose enough weight to go snow skiing with my kids. We planned to take them for their first ski trip this January. I hadn't skied in 10 years or so and even though I've skied since I was a kid and even at big sizes, I was afraid I couldn't do it. 10 years older, heavier, etc. But I had lost 45+ pounds by the time we went and the small victories (and big ones too!) were everywhere. First, being at the gym 5 days a week was a huge help. Even big, I am stronger and more athletic. In the past I had trouble finding ski clothes that fit me, trouble finding boots that fit around my shins, trouble bending over to latch the boots. Well, no more! It was so great to shop for ski clothes just like everyone else. It was amazing (although no one else in the lodge would've realized it) to gear up and snap on my boots just like everyone else. I felt so strong hopping off the chair lift and cruising down just like everyone else and even better, skiing better than many of the other folks on the mountain! Few understand the joy of just feeling like everyone else. They take that for granted, they don't even notice it and they sure don't realize what a huge triumph that is for some of us. Just feeling normal was a sweet, sweet victory. And the very best part of all, was riding the chair lift with my boys. A year ago I would have had to watch from the balcony of the lodge as everyone else skied. I wouldn't have been able to share in the funny memories of all of us falling together as we hopped off the lift at the summit, seeing Paul ski into this huge snow pile, or enjoying the gorgeous scenery on the way up and down of snow covered evergreens. I would never have experienced the serenity and peacefulness of the ride to the top and swishing my way down along side my kids. I feel like the old me is BACK!! Now I need a new goal. A couple of years ago we did a zip-lining birthday party for my son Dane. Needless to say, I stayed on the ground. I'm sure I was over their weight limit and probably wouldn't fit the harness. So my new goal is to do the 2 hour course this summer. I've lost enough weight, but I need to lose more inches to meet the harness restrictions. But for the first time, I really know I can do it!! I have to admit, the last 7 weeks, I haven't lost anything though. I know why - drinking lots of calorie laden tea, cocoa, and coffee for one thing. Kind of hooked on that end of the day cookie as well. The bad habits of the holidays linger. At least I haven't gained anything and with all the sweets I've been eating that seems a surprise! So I have to get back my most serious focus. My birthday is 7 months away. I could conceivably be at my goal weight by then. How would that be for a goal?!?!?!?!

So this Monday at 6 am I went to a lovely hospital about a half hour from my home and had my surgery. I am not sure how I went in thinking I would only have three scars and would be able to leave that same day. First, they have you strip and pee in a cup. Then they give you the first of many shots that help to prevent blood clots (ask them to give them to you in the thighs/arms bc the tummy was very painful). Then they take some blood. Three or four different people will come in and ask you the same set of questions over and over again- who are you, what are you here for, etc. It's sort of funny as long as you don't get annoyed. Then you get your IV in your hand and you are all set to go. Then you are wheeled away and asked to count backwards from ten- I got to four. Then I was dreaming. Then I was being shook awake from lovely sleep and was in more pain than I have ever been in before in my life. I immediately started dry-heaving, nothing came out of me. It was incredibly painful. They wheeled me into post-op where I would stay until a room opened up for me- this was the worst part. They were not allowed to give me the "good stuff" because I had just come out from anesthesia. I lay there for hours- until 1 pm- all the while doing some combination of sleeping, waking up from pain, hiccuping, moaning, crying, asking for meds, and dry heaving. I felt as if I had been hit by a train. I felt as if I wanted to die. Finally, they wheeled me upstairs and I was able to get some real meds and some real sleep. I was able to get a dose of meds every two hours but, for that first day I could sleep for an hour and then would whimper for an hour, trying not to watch the clock. They also gave me nausea meds every six hours. My nurses were... how do I put this nicely... Very busy? All throughout this day you are so thirsty that you would do anything for a drink or an ice cube but, NO WATER FOR YOU. NONE. I was able to get up and take a walk this first day and was encouraged to do so again during the night- I tried but, couldn't I needed pain meds more than a walk. Through that first night you are woken up by pain, and an endless stream of nurses who give you clotting shots, take blood, and pain meds. That second morning, I knew I was in for a tough day- when I woke up I felt like I was going to puke everywhere. I called the nurses station and told them just that and they showed up- twenty minutes later with not even a bowl for me to retch in. Luckily there was nothing in my tummy so I dry-heaved into a tissue and cried as they slowly made their way to my room. That morning I was up and walking about and was lucky enough to run into the xray woman who told me I could be first on the list because I was up. About an hour, a tiny cup of horrible tasting dye, and three x-rays later my doctor was visiting me for the first time. He told me that everything looked good, that I had minimal swelling, and that if I could keep food down I would be released in the afternoon. Unfortunately, he did not say this in front of a nurse so I waited two hours to have food delivered to my room- they brought me a cup of tea? Not water? Really? Broth and a green Jello. I asked for a cup of water and it was like milk of the heavens. I could have cried over this water. After finishing my meal my mom came to come see me so that we could start the process of getting home... This process took hours. My doctor came to see me around 1 and cleared me for release but, somehow didn't complete all the paperwork till about 5. There was another woman on my floor who had the same surgery after me and while my mom and I were cruising the halls we saw her leaving. Luckily my mom is super pushy and we made phone call after phone call till my release was sped up. All in all, very painful, and full of red tape BS that made a slow process even slower. Also, very glad to be three days out and to only feel like I got hit with a bowling ball- it went train, car, moped, bowling ball.

It's two weeks today since my sleeve surgery!! To date, including my pre-op diet, I have lost 11.2kg (just over 24 lbs) so my surgeon and I are very happy to say the least! I still have a week to go on full fluids. I am so over shakes, sometimes I can't even drink one anymore. I make soups which I add protein too and drink protein fruit drink, but I'm struggling now. I can get all my water in tho. The last two days I have had really bad bloating so taking some De-Gas tablets. I still don't have a lot of energy either. I feel grumpy & depressed and can't even drag myself out the door for a walk! I know I still have healing to do and a few changes ahead of me still but I'm very happy that I made this decision and look forward to the future when I can eat more normally. Lizzie