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so i weighted myself to see how much damage this stress has done along with me being off my game. first let me say i went to the gym and saw my personal trainer and ran a mile in a half after. then i came home took a shower got on the scale and to my surprise i had lost weight im down to 210 and i can wear a size 12 jeans. i didnt do as bad as i thought i did.

Hopefully the fact that the scale moved 2 weeks in a row means that the stall is over! It didn't move much, at least not compared to the first month but it's going down. So whatever speed it chooses to move is fine with me! I have been trying very hard to listen to my body and eat when I'm hungry and stop when I'm full. Right now that's about 800-900 calories a day and I'm feeling really good. I have good energy and feel healthy! And my libido is in full swing (Hubby is loving the current hormones...LOL) I am trying to bump up my intentional exercise. I have plantar facietis so when I walk too much I am in alot of pain, so I'm trying to rotate between walking and riding my bike. (Just to give you a visual, I have a super fun green cruiser bike with big flowers and and a basket!!). Monday I rode 6 miles AND took my dog on a short walk (she's a sausage dog with short legs so she doesn't walk far Gonna shoot for the same thing today. I'm trying to figure out the whole gym thing. I want to join one mainly so I can swim but haven't decided if I can justify the money. Then I could alternate between walking, swimming and biking...Hey wait, that's almost like a triathalon...right??? Whoo-hoo Go Me!!! Heaviest Weight: 281 3/6/13 Surgery: 257 (-24) 3/13/13: 251 (-6) 3/20/13: 245 (-6) 3/28/13: 238 (-7) 4/3/13: 238 (-0) FIRST MONTH -19# 4/10/13: 237 (-1) 4/17/13: 235 (-2)

Seriously??? Did that happen to ME?? Three co-workers called me skinny yesterday. I have NEVER, and I mean NEVER, EVER, EVER been called skinny in my entire life. I am still trying to process the new me. It has taken some adjustments, especially trying to shop for clothes. I don't know what size to buy anymore---I find myself gravitating naturally toward the plus sizes. I still feel like and see myself as the fat girl, and it shocks the heck out of me to see a picture of myself. This is so bizarre, but totally bizarre in a wonderful, surreal way. I decided to have the sleeve for better health, and before the surgery, being thinner was not the biggest motivation for me. I have never been thin, and I had no plans or big ideas about what I would look like after losing weight; I just wanted to be healthy. I thought I was so prepared emotionally and mentally, but I just can't comprehend this new person I see in the mirror. I am very grateful that the weight is coming off, and having met my goal of being healthy has been great. But, I don't know how to deal with all of the attention I am getting. Part of me, of course, likes to hear the compliments. But, a great part of me is kind of embarrassed, shy, and feeling a bit overwhelmed with the questions: how are you doing this, give me some pointers, show me what you are doing, etc. Until I saw a recent picture of myself and compared it to my before picture, I just didn't realize the change in my body---I look in the mirror every day, so I don't see the changes as much. I have not shared how I am losing weight with a lot of people, so the questions of how I am losing weight is a bit difficult for me to answer. My standard answer on how I am losing weight is HARD WORK! I sometimes feel deceitful when people ask me how I am losing weight, but hard work it is!! I tell them I am on a high protein, low carb diet, and that I exercise at least 4 times a week. And that is the absolute truth! Does anyone else feel bad for not sharing the whole story when people ask you how you are losing weight?

I have no regrets for keeping my surgery to myself. It truly is nobody's business. You still have to do serious hard work. There are people that have surgery and fail - regain all the weight they lost. They don't follow any diet plan. So just because a person has surgery does not mean they have done something wrong- it does not mean they should have something to hide. Your body is your business. Don't worry about co-workers. They won't be in your life forever. Right? And you do look fabulous. ENJOY it.

So I had a rough weekend. I got to add soft food to my diet on Friday. One would think that after three weeks of not eating any "real" food that it would be great, and it was! I got up on Saturday and I was up a pound from where I was Friday morning. Now, I know that my body is saying "Hey! I finally got some food, I need to hang on to it cause I don't know when I'll get the next round," and that is why the scales haven't been really nice this weekend. I still am bouncing around the same stupid half pound since Friday and its just frustrating. In my "previous life" I would have been irritated and just eaten something that I shouldn't have to justify the increase on the scales. Now, I didn't do anything or eat anything I shouldn't have but, boy, did I have a battle with head hunger all weekend. One of my favorite places to eat used to be Moe's, my husband has never really cared for it and I think that we have eaten there together just once in the past 5 years. Yesterday I had to run across town and what does he ask me to bring him back for supper?? MOE'S!! i couldn't believe it and it just plain made me mad when I had to go in there and order his burrito. I wanted one so bad but instead, I ordered his just like he asked (with absolutely nothing that could be considered healthy on it) and brought it home to him. I fixed my supper and was satisfied with it. My dad used to say that it didn't matter if you got full off of black eyed peas or steak and potatoes either way you were still full. That is very true, steak and potatoes just taste much better, as would have Moe's last night. Anyway, I needed something to take my mind off of the negative and I figured I'd list the NSV's that I could think of to lift my spirits a little 1. I can get my wedding rings on again, I haven't been able to wear them individually since last June and it has probably been more than a year since I have been able to get both of them on at the same time. 2. I already have a pair of pants that are too big and I can no longer wear (at least my husband refuses to be seen in public with me if I do!) 3. Its easier to shave my arm pits cause they aren't so full. 4. I can bend over to paint my own toe nails again! 5. The seatbelt in my husbands truck doesn't lock just because I'm trying to put it on and pulled it out a little too far anymore. I can actually bend down and pick my purse up from the floorboard and it doesn't lock! 6. I can put on and tie my shoes with almost no effort. 7. I have bad breath. (Okay so maybe that one isn't so exciting but apparently when you are breaking down fat you get ketosis which causes halitosis aka bad breath. I must be doing good breaking it down cause even my 5 year old tells me my breath is stinky! LOL!) I know there are more but these are all I can think of right now. I'm going to keep working at it and keep working my tool. I know that I did the right thing and I know that I'll be able to eat more normally again some day. I did this for my kids and they are going to have a more amazing mom because of it.

I called the hosp back and completed my registration. My Endoscopy is done and just awaiting biopsy results. I told 2 more people about the surgery I'm having. I guess im ready?! I've Been reading post about training yourself to chew food slowly and not guzzle water. I feel like this may be the hardest part. I'm almost 55 and am going to have to re-train myself on how to eat. I'm already looking ahead to a couple of post op events I'll be at nd trying to figure out what I'll eat and if I'll feel strange going out to dinner and not ordering anything? Well be in Seattle with our daughter nd her family when they come home from Africa as missionaries. I'll only be 5 weeks post op. there will be eating out, and a Mariners baseball game.. I've just finished 2 weeks of not writing down what I eat, or going to the gym..it's like I've had a bit of grieving or depression over my upcoming surgery and changes I'm going to have to make. I had lost 12 pounds in the past 2 months and then gained 4 pounds after eating a "normal" amount of food on Easter Sunday. The 4 pounds turned into 6 and i just gave up trying. My husband has been doing a 12 week Golds Gym challenge and as lost almost 40 pounds. He now weighs less than me for the first time in our 36 marriage. I AM very proud of him, but burning with jealous rage at the same time. He had planned on doing the sleeve also, but was in the middle of this challenge. He just needs labs, endoscopy and surgical clearance. I didn't want to wait for him to finish the challenge, so am proceeding without him. I'm back on track the past few days and have lost 2 of the 6 pounds. I'm so excited for this surgery. I have such issues with being hungry. I hope I'm not one of the few who still struggle with that post op. I'm ready for a change. I'm ready to get from Here to There....

Congratulations!!!!! That is so great. Maybe the stress made you lose instead of gain. A size 12-WOW! I hope to see that number some time soon. Keep up the great work with your trainer, it shows.

You look amazing and very young! You are definitely an inspiration!