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* Warning* This is a comical view of weight loss with the sleeve. Please understand that I say many things just for the laugh or shock value. I do not need you to tell me to not "do it" or "do this". I appreciate your caring, but please know that I am a strong person and I wouldn't do a lot of the crazy things I say I want to....notice I didn't say ALL. Enjoy the blog and have a good laugh. I know I enjoy writing them* Warning done. Today is my one mouth anniversary. I can't believe how much has changed since I walked in the hospital April 12, 2012. I would have never thought I would be eating regular food (but not much) , or drinking normal (without one ounce cups). If you would have told me in the hospital that I would be 40lbs smaller since my two week apt. before surgery, I would never have believed you. If you would have told me that I would be happy (for the most part) with the food I eat, I would have laughed at you. But, it's all true. I'm happy, healthy, and loosing a little every week. I went for my follow up apt. today. First, you have to understand that my hormones have been CRAZY. One second I am yelling and screaming and thinking about throwing my husband out the window, then the next second, I am laughing, cuddling, and trying to use my husband as though he's a gigolo. You would think he would appreciate the second part, but as he told the doctor today, "I feel like a piece of meat." Well, doesn't' he understand, that's what I want??? LOL It's been forever. According the doctor, this is all normal. Apparently (for those of us who didn't know), we have hormones stored in our fat cells, and when we loose weight, the hormones burst into our blood stream. At least we can feel it coming on. I know when I am getting ready to loose it, I don't do anything to stop it. Is it because I know my husband will love me no matter what? Nope, It's really that I just don't care. Now, I don't want to sound like a witch. That's not it. It's just they come on so fast, the idea of trying to stop them or walking away doesn't seem as good as letting it all out. At least I say I am sorry...the doctor said I do this because I know he won't leave me....I'm not so sure about that. If he doesn't, he's the strongest man out there. I don't think I could live with me. Just think about the worst PMS you've ever had. Now times it by 1000. Yeap, that's what weight loss does to us. Our poor families. Now, let me tell you about the sex talk at the doctor's office. I know that I can have sex after 1 month. I've known this for months. My husband had questions. Ones I wasn't expecting. So imagine this situation. It's me, my husband and the doctor. Scott- Can we have sex? Doctor- Yes, if you want to Me- Oh, I want to. I can't keep my hands off him Scott- It's true, it's like I'm a piece of meat Doctor- Get used to it Scott- I don't know how to ask this Doctor- You can just say it Me- Looking at my husband like 'what on earth are you getting ready to ask' Scott- Ok, is there any way we can't do it? I mean, can we only do it regular? Me- OH MY GOSH-----REALLY? Doctor- You can do it any way you want as long as it doesn't hurt Ok, here is where my inner male comes out. I had to laugh at this. Me- No, we have a safe word for when that happens. (laughing) Actually we don't. It's not like we have whips and chains and things. Doctor- (looks a little shocked...but can tell we're joking around) I think we're all done here. See you back in a month. Now, to be honest, there was a little more to that conversation but I wanted you to have the funny stuff. When Scott asked about my emotions, she said to him and this is a quote, "Get used to it". He looked at her and said, "I'm not sure that's possible." So, now were home and of course I've attempted to seduce him, right after I lost it in the restaurant because my food was gross (thanks a lot taste buds for changing on me). Of course the poor man doesn't know what to do so he turns me down and sits on the couch to play on the PlayStation. I swear, reading this, you would think we were 17 year olds. Maybe that's why my emotions are so crazy...I'm really 17. Gosh I hope not.

Sorry this is kind of a doozy! I just felt the words flowing from my hands and couldn't stop. Sitting here, 8 days out from surgery, I'm understanding what it means to use food as a necessity and not a friend. For 26 (almost 27) years, I have buried my addiction so deep that it was all consuming and I was blind to it by choice. This past week, after being sleeved and without my friend, unearthing my addiction has been a harsh but MUCH NEEDED reality. I have cried over pizza, lamented over pasta, and been angry for bread. I have seen glimpses of myself that I never knew existed. But deep down I've known that facing my demons will bring resolution. I hope this doesn't sound too dramatic, but I've been thinking of analogies to connect the unhealthy relationship between food and the addict. This may sound odd but it's almost similar to an abusive relationship. So many love that person to the depths of their soul while they damage them to the core. It's a cycle of intense love and hatred. The beauty is, it's not the end of the story. There will always be scars and wounds from the past; a reminder of the battle. The sleeve aids us in making peace with the inner addiction. It doesn't necessarily heal us to the core but it is a vehicle for making peace with our addictions on a daily basis. This is a lifelong relationship with food and each of us is worth the freedom and the fight to maintain a healthy peace with our addictions. I am a professing Christian. A believer in the saving grace and immeasurable love of Jesus Christ. I can tell you this...He has picked up this broken life on more than one occasion and put me back together. He is the only real remedy to my food addiction. The key is surrendering every broken piece (not even holding on to one) to the only One who brings the dead to life. This chance at life came from Him. His mercies are new each and every day, and without that, I wouldn't be sitting here sleeved and on the path to a healthy life. People may call me a lunatic or Jesus Freak...I don't really mind; it gives me the opportunity to explain my passion for living. Most people don't believe in a God that offers second, third, and infinite chances. They believe they are too far gone...I am living proof that new life & freedom exist when you accept His everlasting love. Thank you Lord, for giving me hope for a future. "Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness." (Lamentations 3:22-23)

I went in for my fill appoinment and came out with...............NOTHING!! LOL! Looks like I have hit the green zone! I am going to take this month slow and see what happens. Since I first went to true results I have lost 49 pounds and 30 since surgery. I lost 8.5 last month and we confirmed I have 6.9 CC in my band. I told the nurse about my eating habits and I am afraid that more fluid may put me in the red zone, so I will just hang out here for this month and see how it goes. But I am over the moon happy about my progress so far. I hope that people that are researching this option see my story and know that if I can be successful, that they can too. Life is about choices and I am choosing to be happy and healthy!

I have been going up and down a few pounds. It is like mental torture. I did drop 8pounds in 7 days but the reason was I have pneumonia, so that doesn't count. Now it is TOM and the water weights here! Well at least I got to see that number and boy it felt great. It has inspired me to dig in, because although I saw the number because I was sick, I now know that it's there....really....strange when you step on the scale and see a number you haven't seen in 15 years! Keep trudging along until I get there. Can't wait til ONEderland!!! There is going be a party!

I was Sleeved yesterday and did GREAT! No nausea, little pain, no gas pain, only some slight pain in my left shoulder which my surgeon said is due to having the drainage tube next to my bronchial tube. Today I walked a LOT and feel GREAT. If anyone has any questions, please just ask. I am ready to share my experience.

I haven't blog in few weeks or months, but wanted to let everyone know I am still out here, reading the blogs and forums to keep up with everyone. I spend more time on MFP these days. I started working out with a personal trainer 5 weeks ago and that is really working out good for me. I had really hit a slump in my program and was pretty much dead in the water again. My band was working, but I just wasn't eating very well. I had hit a spot again when food just wasn't my focus and was eating way to few calories. My trainer told me I was pretty much starving my muscles and my body was holding on to those fat cells for dear life. Sad I had to pay someone to teach me how to eat, but it is working. At first I thought there is no way I can do this. I am suppose to eat 3 meals a day and that is it. But guess what 5 weeks later, I am eating my 3 meals a day but I am supplementing a protein shake twice a day for snacks and most days take in 100 plus grams of protein. I still have my days I struggle but they are fewer and further between. My first month I lost 5lbs and 9 inches. I am hoping to lose 4 lbs this month and I will finally be out of the 150's.. While what a mile stone, I have not been this petite since high school. I used to think a goal of 132 was unreachable but I am finding out if you have the right attitude you can make anything work. Now don't get me wrong I have my ups and downs with the band but for the most part this is the best thing I every did for me. And seriously it really is all about me at this time. This is my chance, my time and my journey. Lap band is not an easy journey, it is paved with trials and tribulations. It will test your passion, it will test your commitment, you will have to fight temptation on a daily basis. There will always be food and lots of it, you have to realize that food to you is no different than alcohol is to an alcoholic or drugs are to a drug addict. My journey has consisted of distancing myself from temptations, I do not allow certain foods in my house or more specifically in my cabinets or fridge. I have no control of what others do but I do have control over what I put in my mouth. I find my self more aware of what others eat and I often think, man I used to eat like that and look where it got me. I think now my goal has become an obsession, I work my butt off, 3 days with a trainer, 6 days a week of cardio and logging religiously every morsel I eat. I have a new set of fears now, I used to fear not losing weight, my new fear is how will I maintain? I am trying to make exercise routine and part of my life. To all you newbies and those weighting to have surgery and lose of you who are struggling, stay positive, stay focused and if you detour, forgive yourself, pick you up and move forward. We can all get caught up in the soulda, coulda, woulda! Look at everyday as a new beginning. Good luck to all of you and if you know a nurse be extra special to them this week, this is our week to celebrate. It is national nurse week, so hug your favorite nurse this week and tell her how much you appreciate what she does.