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Tired Of The Games

CrazyCatLady

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I realize that I am very, very depressed. I have become so deconditioned and in enough pain, that I rarely leave my house any more. A lot of that has to do with no longer being able to eat anywhere but at home.

 

So I started the new job this week, and Wednesday night I was supposed to orient on graveyard shift. I packed myself a couple of pieces of rolled deli turkey for food (my usual standby) and went to work.

 

I don't know if it was the swapping onto night shift or what, but I spent almost the entire night with either heaving or with bright yellow loose stools (again! Why can't I kick this damn stuff!) in proximity to eating the turkey.

 

I feel like I'm a prisoner to my body.

 

It's like...just when I start feeling ok (I say ok, because I haven't felt GOOD since April, before surgery.), my body says, "There you go getting all uppity...let's knock you down a peg!" I'm so sick of it.

 

I wish I had spent more time reading threads on complications prior to surgery. Instead, I chose to believe these people who said they were out mowing their lawns with push-mowers at 3 days post op. Hell, I've been off work for 7 weeks and I couldn't survive one shift...which was substantially less hours than what I normally worked! I feel like such a failure.

 

I guess what I'm struggling with is feeling like a failure. I'm an intensely private person, so I haven't shared what's going through my head with many people. But I keep getting the "just wait, it will get better" or...the thinly veiled implication that I'm doing something wrong and they don't want me crapping in their Wheaties. Well, I'm sorry to piss on your rainbow! I wish I COULD be that woman who was eating a whole Chalupa at 3 weeks post op, but I'm not. I've had to be in the hospital 3 times since surgery (albeit two of those were for IV rehydration and were ER only visits). I've had 3 separate consulting surgeons tell me that my sleeve is ridiculously tight and that I need surgical correction, or I'll end up malnourished and chronically dehydrated. I feel like this surgery was possibly the worst decision of my life...and being I've been married 3 times, that's saying a lot!

 

I'm just getting to the point where I don't want to talk to anyone about this at all, because I just can't take the negative right now. I don't have health insurance, so no councelling in the near future for me. I just can't wait for this all to end.



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Im so sorry you are having such a bad experience since your surgery. I have not experienced the diarrhea thing since early on but the Dr. wanted me to stop the omeprazole for stomach acid after first mo. I had so much discomfort I have continued a lower dose 20mg. which i get at costco in part because of my other meds. I take they seem to irritating my stomach. Are you still on stomach pills it might help. I am 4 mo. and I eat out quite frequently I think time will heal all wounds. I hope you feel better soon.

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I am sorry you are having such a hard time and your depression is really quite great it seems. You've been through a lot of issues. I hope you have some close friends or family that can support you during this hard period of time. I suppose without insurance it has to be hard, but there's no way to put a positive spin on any of this at the moment but to say I'll say a prayer and hope that you start seeing some positives in your decision, as it can't be undone. I hope you can find some protein that doesn't upset your tummy so much since you are now eating solid foods.

My prayers are with you.

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I am so so sorry. I wish I could share my insurance with you. What are the chances of you being able to get a correction? You had surgery in Mexico, right? What does the surgeon say?

You're not pissing on anyone's rainbow. Your honesty about your situation will help others decide if this is the right thing for them to do.

I get what you're saying about not wanting to eat anywhere but home. I hate, hate eating at work, but since that's where I spend 8 hours of my day, I have to.

I'm really worried about you, please don't keep all of this to yourself. I wish I knew how to help you.

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I'm so sorry you are going through this. :( I think you should crap in wheaties- you have every bit of reason to warn others about the possible complications that can happen, so that they can be fully educated.

It's weird. usually im so scared, but even reading the horror stories, i really do still wnat the surgery

im going to pm you- ill understnad if you don't want to read it or reply since you are trying not to deal w/ the negative right now, but id o have a question.

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Well goodness girl, now I'm worried about you. What's up with the heaving and the yellow stools? YELLOW? Ok I've tossed my proverbial cookies twice - eating too fast for sure and one of the two might have been related to fat content and I didn't realize it. Maybe something you ate made it yellow?

You aren't doing things wrong ok? You are figuring this out and it's alot. It's not easy, believe me I'm right there with you (I spent the MONTH of March in the hospital - yes, I got pneumonia and then sprung a leak and had revision surgery done). Don't ask me how in hades I'm going to pay for all of this, since I was originally a self pay. Some days, I have panic attacks and cry - thinking I really eff'd up now. But then again, I am lighter and hopefully healthier... it's just not easy. I have to remind myself to focus on the positive. I encourage you to do that too ok?

Although I can't imagine adding a new job in there. You are going thru alot of stuff.

Ok one thing on the counseling - if you have EAP it might be free through that. I did it after my mom died and it was free for grief counseling for x amt of sessions. Something's better than nothing. I'd encourage you to call your EAP benefits hotline and ask them. It's confidential.

Are there any support groups in your area? Real, walk in ones? Call the local hospital and ask if they have a bariatric consultant. Just someone medical that might be able to say 'hey you are doing fine.' (beyond this site, altho i love the site)

I'm not sure what else to say but I'm worried about you. Alot of freak'n help that is, but .... just so you know, you are NOT alone. Come pee on my rainbow anytime. Prayers and hugs to you from me. xxoo

and dang, sorry, that was very long :(

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