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Kime-lou's Blog

A blog by Kime-lou

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Lapband Journey

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A Healthy Kinda Feeling

Despite my current cold I seem to have I am feeling healthy. I am not sure if it's the weight loss, my state of mind, the vitamins I am on or what, but I am looking and feeling healthier. I've lost 37 lbs in 3.5 months I am working out more, taking vitamins and eating better. My hair is shiny and soft - my curls are fluffy and pretty. My skin is clearning up, obviously I am smaller because I am wearing smaller clothes. My nails look healthier. All in all I look different not just in size. It's nice to start feeling better about myself again. I am only about half way to my goal, but seeing these signs of health are motivating. I want to be healthy and I would like to be pretty to. I have always been the big girl who wanted to fade into the back ground in my personal life, in work I am more of a go getter. I do a lot of traning and talking in front of large groups and that doesn't bother me because I am talking about something I know well. Now work is changing we are switching up databases so I must learn an entire new system and train my staff on it. While I am nervous, I am always up for a challenge at work, so why was I so worried about the challenge in my personal life. This weightloss is a challange. I am having to say no to things I would have once said yes to. I am having to choose to eat better things and less of it. I have finally gotten it through my thick skull that a calorie is a calorie no matter if it's from salad or steak. I am becoming more of a balanced person, I feel accountable and in control of my work life and my personal life and what a great feeling that is. There are days and even weeks where I get discouraged and down, but I have great friends and family who are ready to pick me up and cheer me foward until I can get the wind back in my sail again. Thanks to those of you out there who have been the wind in my sail a few times when I've been down. I hope I can return the favor one day.

October 11, 2012

4

Thank You, Thank You Very Much

Journey began- June 22, 2012 (band day) Weight- 244 (Highest 247) 3/3/14 weight- 192.8 Sizes- pants 14/16 shirts L So much as taken place since June 2012. Some days it really hits me how much I have changed both inside and outside. I have a lot of people to thank for this including myself. My hubs- For encouraging me to move it to lose it and for being my support. His encouragement has gotten me through the rough days. My parents- for supporting me in this journey and for telling me they are proud of me. Just this weekend my dad told my hubs to buy me a new coat because they one I had was wayyy to big- this really made me feel good because my dad does not compliment people. Lapband site folks: Carolina Girl- for her no nonsense, this is the way it way of responding and blogging. Often she reminds me what this is really about. Missy- for being the ever encouraging inspiration lapband rockstar. The way she responds to post and "likes" most encourages me to hang it and that I am not a crazy bandster. Jean McMillian- for her responses, her articles, ect. This last article she wrote slapped me upside the head and I needed that Gibbs slap. The great thing about this site is while you will on occasion encounter negative nellies and the general butt hole, you also encounter folk who know what they are doing, who have and are rocking the journey and can give great encouragement and support if you just listen with an open mind. Of course there are days when I feel like crap and that I am a total failure, I think we all experience this at some point during the journey. However, times like this weekend when I try on pants and find that size 16 shorts are to big and 14's are perfect and a large shirt fit just right let me know I am doing this no matter how I see myself in the mirror. There are time when I still feel like shammoo in drag, but I am doing this- I am getting smaller and healthier. So thanks to all who have encouraged, supported, listened, responded, posted their stories, blog - you have made an impact on this bandster!!

March 5, 2013

2

Gotta Get Back With It....

My life has been a roller coaster since April. My brother had a stroke at 44 that gave me the push to have lapband. I had surgery in June. My Grandmother is on hospice and on her death bed and last night my brother had a heart attack. I have been trying to work this week since school just went back I don't want to take off, but trying to access from a distance if I need to go home and be with my mom with my grandmother getting worse. I was planning on getting up this morning and heading up for the weekend, but my mom called early to tell me my brother had a heart attack during the night and was in Duke in Cardiac ICU. So instead of heading to mom's I headed the 40 min to Duke Hospital to see my brother. It is so hard to eat well and excercise when being down and being on the go. I spent the day at Duke and in morning I plan to drive up to my parents (1.5 hours away) to check on Grams and mom since my brother seems stable. I am to tired and down to want to work out and I want to go back to my comfort foods, but I know I can't. I ate way to many calories yesterday and today and feel bloated and like crap - I have got to get back into the grove tomorrow. The first of the week I was doing great and then all the "stuff" started, it time to get it back on it.

September 8, 2012

3

Spinach and Onion Fritata

This was an awesome dinner. It comes in about 250 calories a serving with 16.5 grams of protein. Ingrediant: 1 large potatoe sliced thinly (you many not use all of it) 1 large onion diced 2 teaspoons of garlic minced 1 box of frozen defrosted and drained chopped spinach 4 eggs 1 cup of skim milk 1/4 cup of sh. cheese salt and pepper to taste 3 table spoons olive oil Heat oven to 350 - place a cookie sheet inside Slice potatoes evenly and thinly - coat with 1 TBS of olive oil - dash of salt and pepper Remove cookie sheet from oven and place a layer of potatoes on the sheet- bake for about 10-12 min (you want the potato just tender) In a skillet add 2 TBS of olive oil- diced onion, minced garlic. Cook until onion is almost done, then add drained spinach and mix well. In a bowl mix 4 eggs, 1 cup milk, cheese- add salt and pepper to taste. When potatoes are just tender remove from oven and place in the bottom of a Pam sprayed casserole bowl (I used a large corningware round bowl). Just cover the bottom with potatoe for the crust. Pour egg and spinach mixture over top. Bake for 30 min or until center is set. This was so good. It make 4 portions so I have left over for my lunch today or I could have had it for breakfast. You can also play with the recipe adding different seasoning to the potatoes or add salsa, mushrooms, peppers- almost anything to the mix. Bottom line it was good, filling, and low cal.

January 7, 2013

2

Picture Painted

Ok, I just went in for my 1 year post-op. June 22 will be my one year, but due to scheduling I went early. Good news- I have lost 60 lbs since pre-op. I was down 7 lbs from my last fill in Feb (even though it doesn't feel like it). Every thing looks great- had floro fill done. I would like to share a few things my doc stressed to me while I was there that painted a good picture of how life should be now.... 1- I MUST see him at least once a year for a floro check of my band, to make sure I am not having any problems. 2- Eat 5 meals a day. This will keep my metabolism going and give me enough calories. 3- Eat only a cup at a time. His picture was: you use to have a 4 lane highway, now you have a one lane pig path- no more tractor trailers. 4- Small bites. A bite is the size of a peanut M&M and only 3 per min. 5- Sips of water. A sip is half a cough syrup cup - again only 3 per min. 6- Protein first then fiber. Going in today I kinda felt like I did at the start of the journey, excited and waiting to get going. Not sure why I lost that fire before, but glad I found it again.

June 6, 2013

3

The Band Vs. Vacation

I just returned for a wonderful week of warmth and sunshine in Orlando, Florida. This was my first vacation and first time flying since being banded. I talked to my doc before hand about this and she advised to not get a fill and eat and enjoy food, but with in reason. Last Saturday we had to be at the airport at 3:30, so we got lunch at the airport- first stuck episode. So embarrassing having to run to the public restroom with my hand over my mouth. We got to Florida and I just drank some Vitamin Water Zero (no calorie). First thing the next morning I figured I would go for yogurt for breakfast since I had gotten stuck so bad. Well, I just stuck on the yogurt. Again, Vitamin Water Zero. Later in the day I was dying for something, so I got some Froyo 120 calorie with protein added. That perked me up. That night after having walked over 22500 steps I really wanted food!! At a nice restaurant I order some grilled fish and that went well- I thought I finally was good. The week went on and I didn't get through one day without getting stuck at least once. I never knew what would do it. Yesterday before flying home I wasn't able to eat anything at all. I sucked on ice most of the day and drank a slim fast when I got home. Today, I have been able to eat cereal, but that is all. My weight this morning was up by 4 lbs since last Saturday. I am however on my period and since I have eaten out for a week I am sure sodium levels are up. I am not freaking out about the weight being up, just bother by not being able to eat anything. So I have learned lapband and vacation isn't the best mix, but I will make the best of it, because I don't plan on giving up either.

April 6, 2013

6

Instant Gradification Junkie

I have a serious problem with wanting instant gradification. I think I've always been this way. My mom says patience was never my strong suit. I guess this is way gaining weight was so easy for me. You eat, it taste good, instant grad. Where the calories don't build up to pounds quickly so I don't see the negive consequence so fast. I went into this surgery knowing that the loss would not be instant, however I did believe I would have lost more by this point (only 55 lbs in 10 months). I did well the first little bit, but then it has taken me 4 months to lose 10 lbs. I worry that I've lost all I will lose, a co-worker has told me over and over that with lapband you only lose 50 to 60 % of your excess body weight, and I am right there. With exercise I also find it hard to keep on schedule. Due to my desire for instant gradification I find it difficult to say walk, do the elliptical, lift weights for x length of time because I see no result afterwards. Now, I love cutting my grass (I push mow my .28 acre), working in my flowers, even cleaning my kitchen and house because when I am done I can see a difference- instant grad. I know I need a regular exerecise plan, but I am having a really hard time sticking to one. I can go a month maybe two then I slack off due to other obligations that get in the way. Once I don't do it one day it makes it hard to get back at it. The hubs fusses at me for this, but he does the same thing. At one point we were walking the dogs on the trail behind the house every night, but long hours at work rain, we don't do that now. My eating I think I am doing well with. I am making good choices, eating small portions, and drinking water. I know that limiting my carbs more than I have already done may help me get it down even more, but I worry I wouldn't be able to keep that up long term. I am a meat and potatos girl, always have been. I think basically I need to suck it up, put on my big girl panties, stop wining and do something!!! I find it easier to cut carbs than I think, I had a much easier time letting go of soda than I thought I would. The exercise may still be an issue, but maybe I will be more apt to do it if I get a gym membership- I don't like to waste money. I am in contemplative mode right now, the pity party is over, I am planning now to get over this hump. I want to kick my want power into high geer!! Please any one who want to kick me in the seat of the pants, bring it on. I want to move forward!

April 29, 2013

6

Tough Weekend

This weekend was a rough one. My weight had gone up on Friday and I was really worried the band was not going to work for me, my fear getting the best of me. I was really down unable to figure out the patter of my weight ups and downs. I was feeling like I had failed on many fronts. I have been married 3 years and the first year I had 3 miscarriages. I am able to get pregnant easily, yet I can not carry past a month or two. This hurts greatly, I have always wanted to be a mother, so I feel like I am not a "true" woman because I can't have a baby. I also feel like I failed my husband in that I can't give him a child. This has been a great hurt for me, but most of the time I can deal with it and stay rational and not let it get me down. This weekend though I felt like I was failing the band just like I'd failed at motherhood. I had a good 'ole pity party Saturday. After giving my house a good clean, I sat down and let it all out to the hubs and had a good cry, then a good nap. It helped to get it all out. It does seem like loosing weight and changing so many of my habits have an effect on my emotions. Just as everything else in my life, apprently this is going to be a roller coaster. Please do berate me for my feelings and opinions, they are mine and I have a right to them. I am doing what I am suppose to and following my teams directions. I have lost weight, but for me the chaging of myself carries an emotional toll. I have been overweight since I was 6 years old. My habits started 25 years ago. I suppose everyone needs to have a pity party every now and again or just a good cry, this weekend was mine.

August 13, 2012

1

How the heck do you know?

Ok, stress again......... So this is a question I frequently want to ask people, when they want to be encouraging, but they really don't have a clue. As I have said on this site before, I have had 3 miscarriages. My friends and family are aware of this also. Everyone says, oh it's already, you will have one, don't worry it'll happen when the times right, I just know you will have a little one next time. I always want to flip them off and say just how the h@## do you know, because I sure as heck don't? I realize people mean well, but I have come to believe we are a "know it all" society. When we try and encourage others insert I "know" xyz will happen, when sometimes we just don't. I have come to the point, where I want to be realistic. There are somethings I just don't have answers to and that isn't always a bad thing. People tell me about my WLS to just stop stressing about my weight being stuck in the 190's for 4 months. Well, easier said that done! Some say oh, just keep doing what you are doing it will come down. Some well exercise more it will come off. Some say cut the carbs and you will loose it. Well bottom line the ONLY truth I know is- if I eat less calories than I burn I will loose. However, there is a point when you eat two few calories and you body refuses to release the fat it already has- however there is A LOT of contraversery around this and how long it takes. I get to the point where I worry I am stuck forever, will I lose anymore. Am I a failure? The only person that can make me a failure is me because I define failure. Also, and I am saying this to me- we need to be careful when talking with others to encourage realistically. If we feel for them in their situation whatever it may be say that you don't need to add to it- sometimes just knowing someone care is enough. I don't know if anyone on this site I meet will be successful- I don't live with them or know their history. There are people here that have done so amazing and I wish I could be more like them (Carolina Girl and Missy here is your shout out), but I am me. My body is different, I lead a different life, I eat diffrently (we all have things we like and don't like) so I can't be like them. The only things I can say is what I know- we all have the power to be successful and we all have the power to fail- we must decide which one it will be. People get offended if we are harsh, poor Carolina Girl gets picked on to much about this, but in my book sometimes we need the honesty to make us look at ourselves. You, me, anyone will not succeed in this if we continue living and doing as we did before. So why the heck do you expect anyone to say oh, it's okay to eat an entire pizza at one time- WTH? NO it's not ok. If you doctor tells you do xyz and you abc then no you DID NOT do right. Wake up folks be honest, be realistic, and if it calls for it be harsh then do it- you might actually help someone. While it pissed me off sometime ago when someone said oh there are worse things than never having kids. After I got over being pissed I realized it was true. Just because I don't have a child born to me doesn't mean I can't lead a full and amazing life. Now I appreciate that person for helping me come to terms with my reality even though it hurt at the time.

April 17, 2013

4

Where am I????

To sum up my life of late "I have been runnin 'round like a chicken with his head cut off". This is a countryism where I come from and basically if you wack a chicken's head off he runs around in all directions until he finally falls over dead. Basically, I've been busy. Work, family stuff, work, dogs, work, doctor's appointments, parties, ect. Things are begining to slow a touch, but not much, I am just hoping to catch my breath a bit. I need to be able to come up for air. At work this morning, being that the kids are gone as are most of the teachers, I am "bumbin' it". I have my jean capri's with a wally world t-shirt and my trusty "don't leave home with out 'em" flip flops. This is my standard appearl in the summer months. While my capri's are a comfy 14, my t-shirt is a left over from last summer XL, so it's big and floppy, but comfy. However, as I looked in the mirror at my reflection this morning I thought- I've changed. Last summer at this time I was in a 20 pant, and XL-XXL shirts and busting out of them. This year the double chin has faded, I can see my collar bones (I was never sure I had those 'till now), and here is the kicker- and for you former fatties you understand me- I can see between my thighs - I see light- WOW!!! Since I was in kindergarden my thinghs touched, now they have separated- I see light. What a thrilling thing to see. Last weekend I went to Victoria's Secret to get some new undies as mine were saggin in the butt. I ask the lady what size she thought I needed. She told me to turn around and she oggled my a** for a min and said Large. I was shocked but happy. So I bought 7 pair and headed home, some what thinking these will never fit. Low and behold they are soo comfy. No more saggy butt. While I always seem to harp on "why haven't I lost more", it seems that I have come a long why. Yes I still have about 45 lbs to go. Will I make, I sure as heck hope so. Good Lord willing and the creeks don't rise I will see the blessed 140's. This journey, my journey, seems to have been about a steady slow change of habits. Sheading the old ways and replacing with new healthier thought processes. It hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been killer either. While I haven't lost 100 lbs like some who completely flipped their habits upside down, I have slowly made changes and slowly lost weight. I feel that by making this slow progress toward a healthier me I will be able to stick to it as the days, weeks, months, years, decades pass. So at almost 1 year post op I would say I am in a pretty good place. I still eat foods I love. I haven't competely cut anything from my diet, I just eat far less of the bad stuff and in general just smaller amounts at the time. I do still enjoy a slice of veggie pizza from time to time, but a slice instead of a half a large pizza. I still on occassion eat pasta, but try to avoid due to fear of getting stuck. I eat sweets on special occassion, but rather than a goliath size piece I eat a bird size peice. Life is Good and a whole lot more comfortable this year than last!!

June 13, 2013

1

Battle

At the start of this journey in June 2012 I was excited and ready to go. I was determined that I was going to be a big looser. Next week I will be 8 months out and I have only lost 50 lbs. I really did think I would lose more in this time. Even though my doc seems happy enough I am still frustrated. When I went in for a fill last week my weight was up 1 lb from what it was at the prior visit- total bummer. Even though just days earlier I had seen the lowest weight ever on the scales (193) since that my weight in 2 days jumped to 197 then drop right back down to 194- had to be water weight right? Well for the last week and a half my weight has been bouncing from the 193's to the 195's each morning (I weight the same time of day in the same thing so it is constant). I am not over eating, I am not eating calorie loaded things, I have a calorie deficit each day. Right now I am not working out because I have felt like crap from having sinus issues. The hubs keeps telling me it's because I'm not working out. While I know I could find the time to fit it in, it is hard. I am tired, really tired by the time I finish all my have to's for the day. I am taking my C, D and B vitamins that my doctor perscribed. While I know plateaus are normal course, I hate that it happend so early in the game. I have told many people you don't fail until you stop trying. I am still trying, but it is so hard to stay positive. While I feel like I am in a green zone. 1 cup can totally hold me for 4-5 hours and even then I am not starved. My doc said not to miss meals so I have to set a timer on my phone to remind me it's time to eat. I am starting to feel like that is all I do. Breakfast at 6 (Oatmeal) Snack 10:00 (greek yogurt) Lunch 12-1 depends on what is going on at work What depends on what we had the night before. ~Snack - 4 ish depends on what I had for lunch- if I am really not hungry I just can't make myself eat Dinner- 5:30 to 6:30 depending on when the hubs gets home I am feeling like I am damed if I do and damed if I don't.

February 13, 2013

3

Patience is not my virtue

My mother says I have never been very patient, I was even born a month early. I believe the reason I have never been successful at weight loss was my lack of patience. Most of you can likely sympathize with working really hard to lose weight and after a couple weeks only a pound or half pound and finally you say forget it where is the pizza. This has been the case with me each time. With the band it has been different. My bandversary is Dec. 22 and will be 6 months. As of right now I am 45 lbs down and feeling good. Of course I wish I was down more. I have tried to be realistic in these months and eat healthy, but not totally limit myself from things I love, because I know that isn't possible to do forever. Therefore, I will highly restrict myself with things that I know aren't the best for me. For the last two months though my weight loss has slowed. Last month I only lost 2 lbs and so far this month only 2. I have started back working out and counting my calories to make sure I am using more calories than I am taking in. At one point I had a goal of getting to the 160's by April 1st. My husband and I are taking a trip to Disney, I've never been and my husband hasn't since he was a kid, so we are excited to get away. However, it's Dec. 13th and I am sitting at 199, which is great - finally below 200- but I do not thing it is possible loose 40 lbs in 4 months or rather possible for me. My first month I lost 20 lbs, after that it slowed and my best month since was 8 lbs lost, which was Oct. I do not want to discourage myself my setting a goal that is likely unattainable. So, I have decided that I am going to stay on the lapband path taking one step at the time and I will reach my final goal of 140's when I do- it may be a year from now, but I will get there. I must keep my motivation up and stay strong. During the holidays I must admit I am finding it harder that before. Last night I made 4 batches of snickerdoodle party mix- my hubby had a work Christmas party today and wanted me to make it. So, I made it. I sent him to work with half of it and I bagged up the remainder and gave it to coworkers as gifts - after all if they gain a weight it will just make me look smaller (evil I know- jk). I do not want to tempt myself with treats that are not healthy. For once in my life I want to give my body what it needs rather than what it wants!!

December 13, 2012

3

Pain in the Gut!

Saturday I went to my sweet little 3 year old neices b-day party. George D. Band allowed me to eat a hamburger, which was very yummy. That night on the way home (1.5 hr drive) I called to see what the hub wanted to do for dinner, since I was getting home late, I wasn't in the mood for cooking. He said come home get me and we will go out. He wanted to go to our place, On the Border, a mexi resturant that we went on our first date at. We both love mexi/southwest food, so it was always a fav. I hadn't been there but once since surgery, so wasn't really sure what to think. We order southwest tacos. While it comes with the sides of refried beans and mexi rice, I didn't eat those- no room. I ate two of the three tacos they brought and didn't want anything else. The hubs ate my remaining taco. By the time I got to the car my tummy was screaming. It wasn't a pain of being stuck- it was a presure pain. I've never had that pain since being banded. It felt like my tummy was blowed up like a balloon. I got home, went potty, no relief. I laid and belly ached for a while, it took about an hour for the pressure/pain to subside. I have no idea what caused that- but it was no fun. I worry that the pain/pressure whatever it was could have caused a problem with my band. Since Saturday night I have had no problems. Typically morning tightness, the remainder of the day normal yesterday. I seem to have slight indigestion this morning, not sure what that is from. My breakfast was greek yogurt with a sprinkle of granola. On the weight side of things- I contiue to weigh in daily- my weight each day bounces between 187.5 and 189.5 in the morning. I so wish it would drop lower, but I know stress effects weight and I have had my fair share of that of late. Thankfully, my hubs told me this weekend that I he thinks I look awesome and he is very happy with it that I feel great to him. He said he doesn't want an anerexic chick, in his words I still have a little chusion for the pushin- LOL. I am titering between a size 12 and 14 size pant and large shirts. Some large shirts are to big depending on cut. Some pants that were a little snug a month ago are loose now, so I must be firming in places, even though the weight isn't moving. Just praying today that George D Band is happy and healthy.

July 22, 2013

0

Perspective

I've been down the last month or so because my weight didn't seem to be moving. I was following the doctors orders, doing what I was suppose to, but the scales were not moving. Then last week all of a sudden I came to realize geez my pants are falling down, my shirt feels bigger. The scales weren't moving, but the inches were. I purchase some summer shorts and capri's in 14's and 12's - holy cow, WOW!! A XL in the ladies section is to big, I need a large. Yesterday the hubs and I went to the mall to finish getting what we needed to our Florida vacation in a few weeks. I tried on a new pair of flip flops and was standing in the mirror looking at them. It took a second for it to register I was looking at my leg- OMG- it's not huge. I look nice. I am sliming down all over. When heading to the store I was tell the hubs- last year at this time I was poured into my 20/22 capri's and wearing a 2XL shirt; yesterday I had on a pair of 14 shorts that are loose in the waist and a size large ladies t-shirt. Wow- this has worked, I did it. I have lost weight. I feel good. At the start of this journey I said I would be happy to get to a size 12/14, well I am here. But, now I am thinking a 8/10 would be nice. Me in an 8/10 WOW- what a thought. I never imagined that could happen and I could still eat good food. I don't feel like I am being deprived or eating rabbit food. I eat the same things I have always loved, just less of it. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything. The only thing I could totally go for that I really should avoid is a slice of Cheesecake Factory Red Velvet Cheesecake. Most likely I will get one for my anniversary (we got engaged there), but I will likely eat it over a few days vs at one time or share it with the hub. So for anyone reading this just starting out or hasn't been banded yet, good news, you can loose weight and still eat good food. It's possible to have it all!!! Today I am on top of the world!!

March 10, 2013

5

Love / Hate

I think most of us have had a love hate relationship with something- our cell phone, our job, heck even our spouse. It is also easy to have a love hate relationship with the band. I do love mine, don't get me wrong, but some times that little plastic makes my life hell. For instand on my vacay, I ended up being stuck most of the trip, I couldn't eat much of anything. Sometimes eating slow is a problem especially when you are busy or in meeting- a quick bite gets you stuck quick. However, because of my band I have learned so much. I am eating better foods. Yesterday when I hit WallyWorld for grocery day I noticed as I was placing my groceries on the checkout how my buying has changed. I buy very little from the interior of the store- the highly processed, sodium rich, high cal foods. Most of what is in my cart is water, water packs, yogurt, milk fresh meats, frozen and fresh veggies. I like this change. Due to the change of what I am eating I feel better, I breath better, I move better, basically I am better. So my relationship with my band is way more love than hate. It is so easy to get frustrated on this journey and blame our band and say we hate it, or it's not working, but before we say that we need to ask ourself are we working it. You car can't get you any where unless you drive it, you band won't get you to goal unless you work it. Yes, you can have bump ups and your car might even break down - but you must fix it and keep on truckin. Everything including our band journey is a process. The band plays it's role, we must play ours, our doctor has theirs, and our nutrtionist has theirs. All the players must do their part or the journey gets off course. Are you doing your part?

April 18, 2013

3

My Band Is Working, My Band Is Working!!!!

I had my second fill on Thursday, she gave me a little over a cc. Before now I had been holding my portions down myself and not really getting a single of I am good I don't need anymore. Since my fill on Thursday I am getting the single before I hit my normal portion size. YEAH!! It is right before my TOM and I am craving sweets like crazy, but so far I have been able to just say no. Today will be difficult it is raining and we are staying in and normally this type of day would mean me in the kitchen baking, yet I know if I bake I will eat, so I just can't do that. I have considered baking something for my husband to take to work tomorrow for his co-workers, they would like that. I love to cook, to bake, to be little Ms Suzy Homemaker; just like my mom, but I know I have to break those habits to, but it is a hard one to break. I feel closer to my grandma and mom when I am baking, rainy cold days were the days they taught me how to cook. Those were the best days of my childhood. Do any of you out there have a day that they allow themself a sweet treat, or do they just always say no?

August 19, 2012

5

Surgery Pains

My mom has had a rather bad hiatal hernia for the past 3 years. In the last year and a half it seemed to give her hell- nausea, inablity to eat, not able to drink much. In that year she went from the 170's to the 120's. But my mom refused to do anything about it because she was caring for my dying grandmother. Grandma passed in Oct, so mom finally agreed to see a surgeon. My lapband doc also happens to do these types of surgery as well. I spoke to him about her and he said to get her to come in. After talking he agreed that her nausea and in ablity to eat much if at all was due to having 1/3 of her stomach in her chest and that surgery needed to be done soon. Yesterday was surgery day. I don't mind being the patient, but I hate it when I have to watch those that I love go through pain. The doc came in and saw us pre-op and assured us everything would be fine. Mom went in and in about 2 hours the doc came out and said things went great, however instead of having 1/3 of her stomach in her chest she had over half of her stomach in her chest putting pressure on her heart and lungs. I have not idea what this could have done in the long run, but I am glad it's fixed. The doc said he had an easy time getting everything back into place and he did a plication to prevent her stomach from moving and put mesh in to repair the hold in the diaphram. When we finally saw her she was in horrible pain, which I expected. However, the insurance would not allow her to stay over night. So the doc told her the best thing to do was to go back to my house, which is only 20 min away verses her house which is an hour and a half away. So she came and stayed with me. This morning the gas pain was better, but she said she was sore to just breath. The doctor said this would happen since he had to work in her chest cavity. She is onl liquids for the next couple of days before going to mushy, but I know she can do it. Surgery, while painful and the afterward can often times make the need seem less evil, surgery is an amazing thing. Doctors have the ability to give us our life back. Mom lost weight because of illness and had to have surgery so she can eat, I had to have surgery to lose weight. Thank goodness for doctors with the knowledge and skill to do this. I have no doubt that what my mom had done was more technical since as he said he was looking at her heart, but he was skilled enough to do what needed to be done, to help her get better. A doctor with this much skill and ability to do these procedures well, don't you think we should listen to them. Use them for what they are there for- to help us heal and answer our questions along the way. If you have a great doc, let him or her know how you appreciate them and their ability not only by telling them, but by listening to them and asking questions.

February 19, 2013

4

The Retraining Of A Southern Girl

I am 100% born and bread southern girl. I even grew up on a farm. Being from a small community and a small baptist church food is everything. I mean seriously, being southern and southern baptist = we eat for every reason. The southern way is when someone dies you take food, when someone has a baby you take food, we someone has a birthday you have a party with lots of food. The old saying about baptist and fried chicken are not far from the truth. Our church go together all the time for means, homecoming, revivial, bible school, weddings, funerals, heck we had Wed night dinners at church. At home each summer my mom, grandmother and I would work in the garden. At 31 years old I can freeze or can any veggie and make my own home made pickle. There is no fruit I can't make a cobbler with. In the summer each weekend we would make some kind of sweet treat for whom ever may drop by for a visit on Sunday afternoon. Yes, people still lived like this in the last 30 years. I am totally not complaining I had an awesome childhood. I knew how to cook by the time I was 13 and was cooking a full meal for the family at least once a week at that age. I still make my own pickle each summer, I hate store bought and I freeze fresh corn and can string beans and tomatos. I know I am odd, but I am me. All this life revolving about food got me to nearly 250 lbs. Since I was 5 years old my weight has fluctuated up and down. In 9th grade I was already in a size 20. My senior year of high school I lost weight and got down to a size 16, but that was after an accident when lead to months of pain and physical theraphy. I manage to keep the weight off through college, but once I was out I gained that plus some. When I married I wanted to be the little ms suzy homemaker, so I would cook enough for an army because that was what I was use to, but it was just me and my husband. To keep the food and sweets from being thrown away we would eat it, so both mine and my hubs weight went up. Now at 31 years old, I have decided to change. I have had to change my way of thinking. First off I have become the odd one who instead of bringing food to a greiving family I bring paper plates, and napkins or stamps. Since the family send thank you notes the stamps keep them from having to buy them. I have learned when hosting a party one sweet something the rest healthy ( think fruit plate and veggie plate). Instead of drinking the house wine of the south (SWEET tea) I drink water. Instead of frying everything, I grill, bake, broil and steam. This has not and continues not being an easy transition, but it is happening and it is rewarding. Since I began this journey back in April, my husband's eating habits have changes and exercise habits have changed. He is eating better and working out more. My parents even though they are not here with us I talk to them a lot and they are trying my new healthy recipes and I have gotten my dibetic dad to change from gaterade to propel. So my trying to change me for the better are changing the ones I love. So it is worth it. I told my husband once that nothing worth having ever came easy and this is no different. So instead of dreading each change I look forward to the challenge and will meet it head on with the help of my family. I am still a southern belle, but I won't continue all the southern traditions.

August 19, 2012

5

The Little Things....

I spent a while last night researching little things I can do to increase my weight loss with out feeling like I am giving up anything and here are some of the things I found: - Say no to empty calories (drinks with calories are useless- they do nothing to fill you up and only add to your waist line. If you need flavor in your drinks there are a great deal of water flavor packets you can buy with 0 calories) - 3 meals a day isn't always the best (I use to think if I stuck to breakfast, lunch, dinner I would be ok- not so much. If you eat a big meal 3 times a day, your metabolims looks like a roller coaster. If you eat small meals- like our 1 cup meals- and add in protein/fiber rich snacks your metabolism keeps trucking along, which helps you burn more calories) - If you are going to eat a carb, make it complex. (Fruit has carbs, go ahead check behind me, but they also have water, nutrients and fiber. So mix a little fruit in with your protein- like grapes and cheese, blueberries or strawberries in yougurt or oatmeal) - Moving burns calories. (Any movement will burn calories. Shake your legs while sitting at your desk, walk to a co-workers office rather than calling, park further away from the store, walk to the mail box rather than driving (yep I know people who do this), Shake your grove thing while cooking (the hubs love when I do this), laugh, clean your house, wash your dishes instead of putting them in the dish washer. The point is MOVE.) -Develop a meal plan for the week. ( This will keep you on track and will help the budget, because you won't buy things that you don't need. Put your plan on the frige- this really does make things easier, when you have a busy life). -Take Vitamins (Nearly all American Adults have low Vitamin D levels. When mine was just tested it was 19, it should be 50. Your body must have Vit. D to break down fat, I didn't know this, but have found out, this can cause weight loss slow downs. Make sure you are getting your levels check at least yearly and you are supplimenting where needed). -Spice it up (By adding a little heat from pepper to your meals you can boost your metabolism. This may not be a huge boost, but if you are like me I'll take what I can get. Sprinkle a little chili powder on different foods- spice up chicken.) -Eat fruits and veggies. (Yes, protein is very important, but a person can not live by protein alone- well they can, but you get my point. It's summer, hit the local farmers market and try veggies. There are thousands of healthy ways to prepare veggies- hit up google. Try new and diffrent fruits and veggies. For a indulgent desert- grill a halfed peach and put on spoon of greek yogurt on top (it is so good!!). Fruits and veggies give you nutrients, help your digestive system, satisfy a sweet tooth, gives you water- so add a fruit of veggie to each meal.) I planted a small garden out back of my house which I go out and weed and water nightly -moving- and I get fresh organic veggies- so double the good for me. Little things may seem little, but together they add up. I have found over the last year, sometimes it is the little things that can make a big difference.

June 5, 2013

2

Listen Up!!!

Even though we all know we should, many of us fail to listen to what our docs and NUTs have to say; some in major ways, some in small. Now in the major ways I always listen to my doctor, I am to afraid not to. I do not want complications. But, in small ways, I fail at times. For instance, in March I went to see my doc for my 9 month check up. We discussed how I was doing- good, felt good, not getting hungry, eating 3 meals a day. I track calories in and I track by my fitbit how many calories I use- I showed the doc. During all this I was complaining that my weight loss seems to have slowed almost to a stop. After reviewing my intake and calorie burn (1200-1300 calories - 2100 to 2200 calories out), the PA said I wasn't eating enough. Now I have been over weight since I was 5 years old. Never have I been told I wasn't eating enough. I was terrified that this would cause me to regain some of what I'd lost, but I tried for a few days, a couple more pounds came off. Then I was headed out on vacation. The hubs and I went to Florida for a week and took in Disney and Sea World. During this time I was also on my monthly cycle. My band was really tight and I had a really hard time eating, even yogurt was a struggle in the morning. I was burning close to 3000 calories a day due to all the walking. When I return my weight was up 4 lbs - WTH, I hardly ate? I figured some was salt intake and apparently that was true. In a week of being back on schedule I was back down to pretrip weight. This week since being really back to normal I have increase my protein intake and started eating snacks as my doctor recommended. All week I have stayed at the 190 weight. Each day I have eaten a snack of 1 weight watchers cheese stick and about 12 grapes (if I didn't want grapes I ate half of an apple). I found this was a tasty snack and I never got hungry, always kept a satisfied feeling. This morning my weight dropped to 189.8!! Ok, this is big to me. Okay TMI I know, but I haven't gone number 2 in 3 days. So being that I haven't really pottied well and my weight went down make me feel really good. Maybe I should listen and heed instead of just hearing every little tid bit the doc says!!

April 19, 2013

3

Fall Cravings

I love this time of year. The leaves changing, the cooler temps, fresh mountain apples, warm cider....I could go on and on. This time of year I use to do a lot of cooking- apple pie and cakes, chili- warm comfort foods. Not to mention the holidays are coming which mean lots of cooking. When the temps begin to drop I seem to start craving. I am counting my calories to make sure I don't go nuts and make sure I am getting my protein. I fear this time of year will be the most difficult due to the cravings. I love cooking and baking, but I don't want to do it to much. The closest family we have is over an hour away and honestly we don't don't have a ton for friends in the area (only been in Raleigh for 3 years). We have a few good friends that I will bake and give things to, but I feel guilty now doing that. All these friends at least one in the couple has weight issues and I don't want to make their health worse so I just don't bake. On occassion I will bake something and send it with my hubs to work- the guys he works with love to eat and can afford to. I have found some healthy recipes for chili which I totally plan to try, but I have to say I will miss my corn bread to go along with it. For those long time banders what are some go to comfort foods that won't ruin your calories intake for the day? I not only want to change my eating habits, but the foods I share with family and friends I want to be tasty and healthy so maybe it will rub off on them.

October 5, 2012

3

Personal Journey

I have learned that the weight loss journey is very personal. Yes, we can glean support and some answers from people on this sight, but what works for them may not be for you. Each of us has our own issues with food that lead to us becoming obese and each must deal with those issues inside of us. That is so hard, especially if those issues have been there for many years. We can go through all the psych evals in the world, but nothing will prepare us for the journey - the ups and downs. It's human nature to compare ourselves to others, so then the question and frustration start - well so and so lost dat-ta-dat in 3 months why haven't I. Weight loss is dependant on so many things and I have studied and googled every thing I can to learn. Basically what I have learn is what I have always known in order to lose weight I must have a calorie deficit. That being said I never really knew how many calories I needed a day. Through research I found that you need to know your BMR- they amount of calories you would burn if you just stayed in the bed all day long. I always make sure my calories are below my BMR. But because the BMR is based on your height, age, weight each persons will be different. So I have started to look more at me, not everyone else. I have stopped compairing myself with others. I look to me, what me I do, what must KIM do to succeed. I am the only one who can be successful for me, I must take responsiblity for my actions or lack there of. If I fail, I fail- not my doctor, not this site, not my nutritionist, but me because I failed to take responsibility for me. So today I take resposibility for myself and I will be accountable for what I do or don't do. I will celebrate my success and I will look at my failures as a learning tool. Support is awesome, but we must look at ourselves and into ourselves to make the changes we must to be succesful on this journey! I wish you success on your Journey and I hope that I can help you on your road.

October 9, 2012

3

A Life Worth Living.....

If you are anything like me your weight has held you back from enjoying many things. Since childhood I avoided crowds, parties, public to hopefully avoid being picked on. The first time I ever traveled was when I was 22 years old. I went to New Orleans to see my cousin, my first time out of NC/VA and my first time on a plane. Since I have traveled to Vegas, Nashville, and California's Sierras. I love to travel, but some places I still wouldn't go due to my weight- beaches, warm places, where a bathing suit would be expected. I also didn't go into fancy clothing stores, I just got my clothes at walmart. I was afraid of what the sales ladies would think of me walking in a upscale store. Now, I have lost 45 lbs, I am 32 years old and I am sick and tired of not living due to my weight. So even though I have not reached my goal, I am going to LIVE!!! I have always wanted to go to Disney and Seaworld, but never did due to the walking discomfort fear and all the people. Well, I booked the hubs and I a week trip to Disney for April. Mickey here we come!! I plan to do the things I have always wanted to do, not more holding back. It's my time! I don't want to look back 40 years from now with regrets. I considered lapband 10 years ago, but didn't do it because my family wasn't supportive, I wish I would have told them on board or not I am doing it. Next fall we are going back to Louisana (his family is there), maybe New York in the next year. No more holding back and waiting for xyz to take place. I am alive and here now, so I am going to LIVE!

December 18, 2012

4

Mind Over Matter

I have hit many stumbling blocks of late and admit to falling a few times. I regret this and do not blame my band at all, I blame myself for becoming complacent and just plain out not caring enough. When I get down and out I tend to get into the "I just don't care" mode- not a good place to be. I haven't had a fill since Feb and am really feeling it now. I get hungry pretty quick, this lets me know the band does work, which properly used. I go in Thursday to see my surgeron and get a fill- pretty excited. I will be happy to drink protein shakes for a day and have them fill me up. Last night I did a fridge purge of all the bad stuff that I was falling prey to. I know this is my own fault- not the foods or the bands. I am not as strong as I would like to be when it comes to certain things. I must work on that. Work is killing me - long hours and a lot of hurry up and wait. Right now I am waiting on several teachers to do their part so I can finish mine. There slowness, makes my days long and irritating. I woke up this morning and told myself that today was a new day- fresh with no mistakes (A line in Anne of Green Gables- love that movie _) I am going to make this a good day- I have that power. I can do it and I will. I have said this several times of the last month and still manage to stumble in a few days. However, this time I have taken a few steps to help myself. I am back to my journal and I have made meal plans. I will not gain this weight back, I will not fail. I will move forward. I will not fall!! It is imbarrishing to faulter as much as I have, but I am not pefect and I have my issues. There are some bandsteres on here that are the "perfect" patient and don't seem to ever have a problem or struggle with this process, but that isn't me and I have to accept that I am not them. I have to stand up, shake it off and get back on the horse. I hope that others who read this and have stumbled will join me in getting back on it. I hope that those who stumble find courage and support that they are not alone in the fight. We can do this if we continue fighting, but if we throw our hands up in defeat the fat will win. My rump is dusty and sore from all the "throws", but I am jumping back on!

June 4, 2013

1

Fear Of Shopping

I don't know if any of you have had this, but I just realized I am scared to go out shopping for new clothes. I had surgery in June and have lost 41 lbs, I feel good and many of my clothes are way to big, but some fit really great now. I have gotten to the point I only have 1 pair of jean that don't fall off and I need to go shopping, but I am scared. I have never had a problem going out in public or shopping before- I love to go out and about. What scares me is trying on clothes. I know some of my clothes I have had to take to good will, but others still fit well. I am scared I will go pick up a pair of jeans and go try them on and they won't fit. I haven't purchased jeans in 2 years. I am scared the ones I had stretched and I will find I am not down as many sizes as I would like to be and that it will discourage me. When I had surgery I had gotten to the point that all the clothes in my closet were getting snug and I refused to go up a size. It's such a mental thing. I want some new things, but I HATE trying on clothes. I know I am smaller, my husband tells me everyday that I am doing great and he is loving my new hour glass shape minus the bumps and lumps. But I still have a long ways to go. 41 lbs down, but 60 plus to go to be at goal. It's not that I am afraid I'm not going to get there, it's just that I don't want to shop yet and see myself in those 360 mirrors. I know I have to, it's getting cold and I must get some long pants that don't sag. Hopefully, I will get the courage this weekend to make the trek.

October 30, 2012

4

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