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Lapband Journey

Entries in this blog

 

Needs vs. Wants

As kids our parents try to teach us need vs want, especially when it comes to things we want them to buy us. But, I think that this applies to every aspect of our life.   When it comes to food, preband I was always about what I wanted to eat, not what I needed. Think about it- how often do you say "hey, what do you need to eat" when are are getting ready to cook dinner- you don't, instead you ask "what do you want to eat".   I have come to the point where I must ask myself what do I need, not what do I want. Yesterday I wanted a donut, but it wasn't what I needed. I am 32 years old, it's time I grow up and become more about what I need instead of what I want.   So what do I need when it comes to intake:   Water (my body needs hydration to stay healthy and in balance) Protein (this is food for my muscles, my heart is a muscle and it needs this) Veggies and Fruit (balance baby- our digestive system will be the better for these) Good Carbs (again, balance carbs are energy food, but we need the good ones, not bad) Good Fats (yes, we do need fat, but the good ones not the artery clogging ones)   Like we were taught in school we need a balance. A balanced intake is a healthy one. I am finding that the longer I am on the journey my needs and wants are coming together. I crave the healthy protein, I want the fruit, I would fight you for my water. I have become a spinich aholic- it gets added to much of what I eat- so healthy yet sooo good. The other day I ate some fast food chicken strips- one- it KILLLED my tummy. My body is adjusting to the healthy life and doesn't like the bad stuff anymore- how great is that.   I am just 9 months into this journey, I am only 54 lbs down and wish I was more; but boy do I look forward to continuing this journey. It's not the diets of the past, this one is evolving and making me better as I go. It's not one I want to jump off of and go back to old ways.   So, I am now looking at what my body needs and I will endulge my wants in my sexy new clothes my healthy body needs!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Spinich chicken Alfredo

I love me some Italian food, but Italian food tends to be calorie loaded and heavy. I have been wanting Chicken Alfredo lately, but knew I shouldn't. So I attempted to make it from scratch tonight and it was fabulous. Here is the recipe that I came up with:   Pasta- Spaggetti Squash cooked in the microwave     Chicken- 4 chicken tenders sautéed in a skillet with olive oil   Alfredo Sauce- 3 cloves of garlic minced (use more if you like or less) 1/4 cup extra virgin olive oil 2 tablespoons I Can't Believe it's not Butter 1.5 heaping tablespoons of all purpose flour 1 3/4 cups 2% Milk (you can use 1% I just had 2%) splash of balsamic vinegar salt and pepper to taste 1 tablespoon of splenda   put the evoo, butter and garlic in a sauce pan cook on med heat for about 3 min stiring add the flour and stir until incorporated add milk and bring to a boil add salt, pepper, vigegar and splenda and stir   cut heat off and let sit   chop half a bag of baby spinach (I used the ninja chopper I have)   Once chicken is cooked add the sauce (if it is to thick add water to thin it down). Add in spinach and stir. Stread spaggetti squash with a fork add to chicken and sauce and stir.   Eat and enjoy!!     This was a WONDERFUL meal!! The hubs and I both enjoyed it. It was enough for him and myself to eat dinner and have lunch tomorrow (He eat bigger portions than me)    
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Reality Check

It seems that with weight loss surgery we have ups and downs in weight and mood.   Before Christmas my weight got down to 197, then went up over the holidays, now it back down to 198. I expected as much. I enjoyed my holiday and I don't regret or fret over it.   Even before the holidays though my weight would flucuate day to day and the last two months I had only lost a total of 3 lbs even though I was doing as instructed. I have been banded for 6 months and am right around the 50 lbs lost mark. Don't get me wrong I am so glad that the 50 lbs is gone, but I really thought I would have lost more by this point. Some people have lost much more weight in this time frame, why haven't I?   Time to take a good hard look at myself...... Am I really sticking to the rules?   Do I only eat 1 cup of food at a meal? Honestly, the answer is no. Sometimes it is likely to be about 1.5 cups.   Do I get 64 or more oz of water in each day? Again, no. During the work week I drink 80-90 oz, but on the weekends when I am busy cleaning house, running around on errons, going to see friends I often don't drink water like I should.   Do I get 60+ grams of protein in a day? Most likely no. I try, really I do. I start my day with 20 grams in a protein shake and have greek yogurt with 12 grams for a snack, so I get close, but close only counts in horseshoes and hand granades.   Do I workout 3 or more times a week? Not lately, not since October. Life got crazy in October with the death of my Grandmother. I have been working more, getting ready for the holiday's, traveling, helping my mom deal with my Grandmother's estate, helping my mother deal with her own health issues. I have let the work outs slide, and I know I have got to get back to it.   So, bottom line is, my band isn't the issue, my surgeon isn't the issue, I am the issue. I have got to get on the ball and meet goals each day not just sometimes. I do have good intentions and I try hard, but fall short and it's time that it end.   I am not sure how much I would have lost if I would have followed each and every rule to a T and I won't know. However, I am happy and proud of what I have lost and I am working to change my ways and be more complient.   I feel ashamed that I have fallen short, but not admitting it doesn't make it not so. I want each day to be a gold star day.   I get down and out because I haven't lost as much as I wish I had, but I only have myself to blame, yet what is blaming myself going to do. I must let it go realize that I must make some changes, make them and move forward.   It's time to stop wanting and start making it reality.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Working on it......

My attitude the last few weeks has been less than great. I have been down for a number of reasons and it has take a toll on me and my weight loss. My life is still beyond busy, but I hope I am getting some control over my attitude.   By the end of last week I was in the mode of screw it, I don't care I am going to eat what I want and do what I want. However, I noticed that my band does prevent me from going to far over board and I suppose that is a great thing.   Saturday my parent drove down from Southern VA to help the hubs and I set up our awesome new deck. We finally built the deck of our dreams. Even though we live in Raleigh, NC's capital, we have a house in a subdivision that backs a river, so I have a big feild and a river behind my house. This helps me feel like I am some what in the country. We now have a 25 x 14 deck. My parents helped assemble a gazebo on our deck, complete with curtains. We have beautiful new deck furniture. So Saturday from the time my feet hit the floor until my butt hit the bed I was hauling butt.   Eating wise, I am not sure how to feel about the weekend. Saturday and Sunday morning, I had what the hubs refers to as the hearty breakfast bowl. This bowl consist of 1 pack of cinnamon oatmal, half of a small apple chopped up in it and a sprinkle of granola on top. It is very good. I don't think that was a horrible breakfast. For lunch, for time sake, we order a pizza. I ate two slices of a medium veggie pizza. When dinner finally rolled around, I felt like a truck had hit me since I had been working out in the sun since 8 am. The hubs wanted to go to Moe's Southwest Grill. I ordered a Quesodilla with chicken, onions and peppers. I pulled off the execess shell, but I did eat most all of it. Funny thing is I never had one stuck spell or felt over full. This worries me a bit.   Sunday, I had to make the trip up to Southern VA for a family reunion. I was worried about this, since it would be outside and I would have no where to go hide and PB if I got stuck. I ended up helping my plate with to much, however it was about a 3rd of what I would have normally had on there. Yet, I still didn't eat it all. I ended up giving a peice of chicken that was way to big to my newphew who is 16 and is as skinny as a rail, yet eats like a horse. I didn't have dessert a spoon of strawberry cobbler and 1 thin slice of pound cake. Luckly I never got stuck, but still know I ate to much.   When I finally arrived home the hubs wanted breakfast supper. I made sausage and egg sandwiches. I toast mine so the bread doesn't gum. I ate the entire thing- normally I would only eat half.   I worry now that I may have stretched my band. I know I need to get back on track and stop this insanity before it gets totally out of control. I had hoped to get up early today and go for a run, but it's is raining cats, dogs and a few horses here in NC and will all day . This afternoon I need to go get my mom's B-day gift, since I finally know what she wants. Then I need to come home and clean the house, which got neglected this weekend with everything else I have to do. So I know I will not stop moving until my head hits the pillow again.   This constant being busy is likely what has prevented my weight from going insane, I am up to 190.8 this morning. My lowest seen has been 187.   I must get back on track one step at a time, I believe it is time to go back to journaling, if I can find time to do that.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

One Month Post Op

Yesterday was my one month post-op anniversary. I am 20 lbs down and really feeling good. I am still struggling to get the 64 oz of water my nutritionist wants me to get, but I am getting close. I have only had one fill and that was interesting. My doctor does fill with floroscopy so they can see and hopefully make sure they don't over fill. My 10cc band currently has 2.5 cc's. While my fill did not hurt a bit, I passed out. Apparently I have a sensitive vagus nerve, when the fluid was pushed into my band quickly I got dizzy and went out for second. It passed quickly and the doctor said that from now on they would have to push fluid slower as to not agrivate the nerve. I go back in one month and hopefully will be down another 20, but know that is unlikely.   The first couple of weeks I was dropping lbs like no bodies business, but now it has slowed to the 2-3 lbs a week. I am just happy it is headed in the right direction. I am so looking forward to being in onederland.   I am enjoying the lower grocery bill each week. I find I eat so little it take fewers groceries for me and my hubby. Don't get me wrong I am still eating, but I am just eating so much less than I did before surgery. Of course the extra eating and eating the wrong things got me to 244, so now I am turning that around. I am so thankful to have had a good experience thus far. I am so scared of getting stuck or throwing up that I am VERY careful when eating.   So far I think the best part of finally having had the surgery is the feeling like food no longer controls my life, I control it. My days aren't about what and when the next meal is, it is about the here and now. I do wish I would have done this 5 years ago when I first looked into it.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

The Root Of Evil......

The root of evil many time is boredom, and that seems to be the case in being over weight sometimes to. We eat when we don't have anything else to do.   I always knew I tended to be more hungry when I was bored- like I would bake when I didn't have anything else to do at home. Then I would eat what I made.   Today I was awaken at 5 am by my puppy. By 5:30am I had finished my breakfast (1 cup of Special K with a 1/2 cup of 2% milk) and was getting ready to go to work. I got to work at 6:40 and jumped right in to a busy day. I was crazy busy all morning. The next thing I know I see people walking passed the conference room with food. I looked up and realized it was Noon. Holy crap, I worked right through snack time. I had gone 6.5 hours with out food!   This made me realize a lot of my morning hunger has got to be head hunger and not true hunger.   Once I got to thinking about it I realized I was hungry and I went and heated my lunch and ate.   Now I am back at my desk trying not to start any big projects, as we are out the next three days, and I am floored that I lasted that long.   I know in past times on days that I am really busy I tend not to get hungry and don't eat much. At home when I stay busy doing something, no matter if I am cleaning or working on a project my husband has to remind me it's time to eat.   So the bottom line for me is bordem = fat! I have got to find a way to keep my self busy so food is not a priority.   Food certainly does play mind games with ya!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Measure of Success?

It's hard to really measure you success on this journey- there are so many things you can look at.... Scale number going down Clothing getting to big Eating less calories Exercising More Being able to move better Breathing Better Lower BP or Glucose levels Feeling better   These are all ways that we can measure our success, but the one I think we all tend to harp on is the almighty scale. After all, at the doctor's office your scale number is what tell your doctor if you are obese or not. I am the worlds worst about getting hung up on a scale number.   When I went for a check up in Dec I was only 2 lbs down from my last visit so I was bumed. Yesterday I went it, I had lost 7 lbs since I was last there, so of course I felt great. I am excited, yet no matter if I lose 2 lbs or 7 in a month I always wish it were more.   I am a member of the instant gradification society, not that I want to be. I wish we could see the results we want to see quicker, but we must wait and take it one step at a time.   Besides my scales number going from 247 (highest) to 195 what else has been a postive effect: My BP is totally normal again My asthma is almost non exsistant I am able to move better (even run- oh my) I am no longer in a 22 I am in a 16 petite or a 14 Women's Petite   I know I am being successful, but there are days when I compare myself to others and feel I am not what I should be because I am not doing the same as them. We have some amazing people on this site who are and have rocked this they are losing and keeping a positve attitude. Some choose to go carb less, some opt to do couch to 5k, some don't excercise at all, some do this some do that. Each time I read about someone elses "way" I think well I'm not doing this right, I need to do what they are doing.   But....Have a lost weight? Yes Am I healthier? Yes So why do I feel the need to change?   Each of us are different, each of us have had our own addiction to food (some love bread, some sweets, some soda, some salt, ect) We all have our down fall, and we all have to deal with that in our own way. We have to find a balance in us for what works now and what will work forever.   Our goal is forever weight loss right? So each of us has to figure out what we are going to be able to do now and forever. For me I know I am not going to exercise like a maniac, but I know I need some, so I make an effort to hit the elliptical 4 days a week - this is something that I can manage long term- but no way could I do it every day (well I could, but I know I won't) I am a carb lover and I know I would never give up carbs long term so I keep carbs in my menu, but I just eat less of them. I love pizza, but instead of eating 4 slices I eat 1 and am happy. I only eat desserts on special occassions, this isn't a big deal to me, I am fine without; so on my birthday or Christmas I will enjoy, but I won't make them weekly.   Bottom line is, I, Kim must make changes that I can and will be able to maintain for the rest of my life. This like a marriage- I am married to my band till death do us part. I will not get a divorce from it so I must do my part to keep our relationship happy and healthy. For each of you out there you must find your way and I can't tell you what that is. You may have a trigger food that would cause you to binge so you need to stay away from it. You may be able to toss carbs to the side forever, if you can more power to you and bow down!!   Just find what works for you. If you are loosing steadily then you do not have to stress about what others are doing and that you should do the same. This is something I have got to work on. I am me and my way is working so I am going to do my best to own and work it and work my weight down to goal.   So what is your measure of success?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Attitude

Charles Swindall wrote a statement about attitude...   "The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.   Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home.   The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.   And so it is with you... we are in charge of our attitudes."   I have always loved this and have it hanging in my office. I hadn't really thought about it lately, but I happened to notice it this morning. I think we can add that attitude can make or break a weight loss plan.   I know for me I have days when I am down in the dumps and it would be so easy to reach for a candy bar, but I choose to reach for my water bottle instead. The people around us, the scale, the weather, heck the day of the week tend to play a role in our mood. But the part he says that 10% of life is what happens to me and 90% is how I react. How freaking true is that? So when my mood gets skewed I have to choose my reaction, I have to choose to deal with out using food. Also, in situations where food is avalible, how will I react- I should react with - if I am hungry= eat, if am am not= pass.   For me I have got to not use food, well let me change that- calories, as a reward for doing well or a reward for dealing with difficulty situation. For instance, yesterday was one hellva day for me. Crap hit the fan for work, dealth with several difficult parents and one pissy co-worker. I could have gone home and drank and entire bottle of wine. After all that would calm me and I deserved it after a rough day. NO I DID NOT DESERVE IT- I deserve to do something better for me than take in empty calories. I am proud of myself, I jumped on my elliptical and did a 30 min intense interval tranining. I was sweating like a pig, but when I got off I felt better, my mood was better and I was happy when the hubs got home.   So, the question is how will we react to this band, how will we react to situation that use to cause us to eat till we were stuffed?   What's your attitude?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Stalled And Frustrated

I am so frustrated that I seem to have stalled out after a month of solid loss. I am excited to be 20 lbs down, but I really had hoped I would see a continual loss. Today has almost been a week since I have seen the scale go down. I know it is time for my TOM, but it is still bothersome.   The great thing is, that years ago I would have said screw this I am going to eat whatever I want, but now I can't. While I could choose what I eat, I can't eat much of it. I know the band is already helping even though I am not at my sweet spot. I am staying on track longer than I ever have.   I have managed to do the Total Gym and the Elliptical this week and it does help how I feel, but it's still not easy. So many others on this site have said we didn't get fat over night so we won't loose it over night.   Here is to really hoping the scales start droping soon.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Adventure Banding

This WLS thing is a true adventure. Just like any adventure, you have times where it is awesome and you feel amazing, then there are time when you just wish you could turn around to the comfort of home, and then there are times when you are scared pooh less.   9 months post op and I can say it has been a roller coaster. The first few months was the big exciting hill, where the weight is coming off and I am screaming hell yeah. Now I am in the boring slow moving time that makes me wonder if this ride will get better.   With being a woman in childbearing years I still have the wonderful monthly cycle to throw some excitement in- water retention, cravings, ect. I am currently greatly stressed at work, which doesn't really help, apparently my band doesn't like stress- it tenses up.   Last week while on vacation, eating each bite was ad adventure in it's self. One morning I wouldn't be able to get anything down but Vitamin Water Zero. Then Lunch would do great, but dinner wouldn't budge. Next day breakfast wondeful, lunch no go, dinner no go. Even though I was chewing well and chosing things that shouldn't have been an issue (baked fish- really should go down). I was also burning between 2400 and 3000 calories a day due to walking close to 8-10 miles daily (Gotta love Disney). Yet, my weight is up 4 lbs when I returned.   The last two days my weight has dropped a half pound a day. Who knows what it will be tomorrow.   WLS really does appear to be an adventure that you must do what the tour guide says ( the doc and NUT) and hold on for dear life. We must look forward to those days when we are feeling the sun on our face and screaming hell yeah with our hands in the air and the days when we are in dark cave and creeping slowly remember that there must be light coming.   Heres to our health adventure!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Could I? Should I? Maybe if... Just this....

You hear and see a lot on this site " just because you can eat more doesn't mean you should".   Frankly this is the case if you have the band or not. We all got here because we could and did and we "just this onced" more than once.   Most of us have doctors who gave us very specific orders as to how much we are to eat at a time. My doctor said a cup. Have I ever eaten more than that at a meal- yes, alot more- no, should I have - no. I got use to eating a lot at one sitting pre-band. I was never much of a snacker / crap eater, but I was a big eater at meal time. I could eat with the big boys, which was why I became a big girl. In my obese mind food was good and more was better.   Now that I have the band food still taste good, really good, but I know that I MUST stop at a cup. Why must I stop, 1- My band has made my stomach about the size of a golf ball (that ain't big) 2- I DO NOT want to stretch it or damage my band 3- I really do want to loose weight. So while I could likely eat a lot even now post-banded I do not "want" to. (There is that word again- WANT)   There are times, especially at family events, that I find myself helping my plate like I use to eat and I have to go whoa- not gonna happen. It's hard to lose the mantality of being a big eater at times.   There are some banders on here who say there band reminds them or prevents them from eating "bad" foods or to much. Well, my band doesn't.   What does my band do? It helps me eat slower and stay satisfied longer with less. I do get stuck on occassion, but that is normally because I tried to eat to fast or didn't chew well enough. My job as the band user is to listen to my body and if I am not hungry DON'T EAT. When I do eat, eat things that are good for me (protein, veggies, fruits) and keep my portion sizes down. I do not need to eat a gallons worth of food, my body only needs a cup.   It isn't always easy to do our part, the band is there willing and able to help, but we (I) must do my part. Each time I eat when I'm not hungry, eat more than I should, or eat "crap" foods I imagine my band sitting there hanging in shame.   The band will not, can not help me if I choose to go against it. So next time I think well just a little more or just this once I will remind myself that those thoughts is what got me to the place where I needed the band.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Trying to Make Lemonade

Life has been tossing me a lot of lemons lately- I am drowning in Lemonade. Work has been horrid, working way to many hours. I am tired and gumpy. When life is like this making good choices isn't easy. However, I am not gaining weight, which is, I suppose, a triumph. I still try to make good choices when it comes to food, they are just a little spare of the moment instead of planned.   This week I had my check up with my primary care for my anxiety med refill. While there I got my flu shot and a pneumonia shot. Since I have asthma they recommend I go ahead and get that. Bad idea. This morning my arm is swollen and very painful to move or touch, I have a mild temp, head ache, naseau and upset tummy. My band isn't happy about all this either- it's TIGHT- the yogurt is not going down easy, so I think the protein shake is going to have to come out. Doc just says take Advis and Tylenol rotating and rest. Well, I am at work- no rest for the weary.   Working out isn't happening these days. My works out are cleaning, cooking, yard work and dog duty. IF I get those done I consider the day a success. Yesterday, I spent 2 hours in the yard- cut grass, rake grass, trim flowers, sweep deck. Then I went in and cooked dinner. I do really try to make sure our dinners are healthy- non process, homemade and organic. Having a garden has helped with this.   While the weight loss has stopped, my body continues to change. Just bought a pair of nice dress jeans in a 14 about a month ago. Slipped them on yesterday and they are loose. So hey, I must not be doing to bad. I have stopped worrying about the scale, the weight will drop when it drops. I am moving more, sleeping better and doing more than before so that is a success in it's self. I still very much want to lose 40 more pounds and be in the 140's; maybe I'll get there maybe I won't. At this point, I know I am eating better, moving more and all my labs are perfect- so I can't ask for more than that.   This journey, if nothing else has taught me to be more aware. More aware of being lazy and what I choose to put in my body. I use to not bat a eye at eating a Big Mac and a large fry. You will never catch me eating that again. It just plain out isn't worth it. Now, last week on my 4th wedding anniversary the hubs and I went to cheesecake factory and my once a year slice of heavenly cheese cake was worth it- of course followed by a long walk. I always try to move more and add more steps and movement to my day. This could be standing while working on something or while on the phone. Walking to offices rather than calling, Walking to classrooms instead of calling. To me it's all about making the little choices throughout my day that equal a healthier me. I might hit my goal one day, but right now I am good with the choices I make. I am able to look myself in the face and say ok you aren't making the dumb choices you did before. I no longer hide eating- food doesn't control me, I control it. I like these steady changes and if they scale never moves anymore, I will be thankful for the 60 lbs gone right now and the changes I have made that have made me healthier.   The band is totally worth the trouble and little issues.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Inside Out

I will admit a big part of why I did this surgery is so I could buy smaller clothes and look better. I was tired of looking in the mirror and seeing a whale. Then another part of me was concern of heading down a path of bad health. I was 31 y/o when I had surgery and my blood pressure was creeping up as were my A1c levels (surgar) and my cholesterol levels were inching up as well. My father being diabetic, my 44 y/o brother having a heart attack and stroke worried me. I didn't want to be in those shoes. So I decided to do something about it- lapband.   I came into this honestly, thinking it would be easier. Easy it is not, worth it absolutely. I can't just eat whatever, I have to make a choice to eat healthy foods and to eat less at a sitting. My band helps me feel satisfied longer with less so that part does make the process easier. However, I still must control what goes in me.   I use to hear eat healthy and you will feel better and I thought, gee I feel fine I must be okay. I had no idea how I could feel. I have been over weight or obese since childhood so I never really knew how I could feel inside.   I have now cut out most all processed foods, except for the occasional WW Smart One at lunch. I eat a lot more veggies and fruit. I eat less carbs, I choose not to cut them out because I didn't feel that I could keep to that longer term and I want to eat in a way I can maintain; but I do eat fewer than I use to and good carbs. Instead of drinking soda all the time I drink water. I have started making and eating things I never thought I would - fritta's, couscous, flax seed, from stratch pot pies, turkey bacon and the list goes on.   I have now started an exercise routine that I like and feel I can keep up with. I love the show The Doctors but I work when it's on. I DVR the show and when I get home I hop on my elliptical and watch the show while I sweat. The time flies by.   Amazing I am now feel what people talked about- I feel good inside. My "inerd" feel healthy. It's almost like I can feel my body saying thank you. I breath easier, my gut feels better - it's hard to explain, but it's just a feeling of health. I sleep better at night and feel more rested when I get up. I am able to concentrate more at work and home.   With the feeling better on the inside it is sipping out to the outside. Sure after losing 50 lbs I look better. But, now my skin and hair look healthy and good. My hair is shiny with out the addition of product. I smile bigger because I feel better. My eyes twinkle because I feel better. I move easier when I walk and it shows in my gate.   All in all it's a great feeling to be getting healthier and I am begining to understand why people become "health nuts".   While my weight isn't coming off fast it is coming off. Each month at the doctor's office my weight is down a little more, anywhere from 2 lbs to 7 lbs. So I feel I am doing pretty good and my body is happy.   I hope that all of you can experence this feeling of health as you transform you body.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Best Weekend In Forever!!

My hubs and I married 3 years ago Labor Day weekend, so even though our anniversary is Wed, we celebrated this weekend. Rather than going to Cheesecake Factory where we normally go (we got engaged there), we went to Moe's where I knew I could get something with my calorie range that I would like. Then we went into the mall where he got me 2 pairs of Danskos and then we went into a jewlry store where he bought me a new diamond. Totally awesome hubs!! Shoes and diamond a girls two favorite things- he said he was proud of me and he loved me so he wanted me to know it.   On top of that I lost 3 lbs this weekend (upped my calories and that made it come off) tired the shock thing. Before heading out with the hubs I put on a fav pair of shorts- pulled them up, zipped them, button them and was like wait - these are hanging off me- I pulled at the bottom of the and they slipped right off. YEAH- I tossed them to the side. This morning I put on a pair of pants that I hadn't worn in 5 years and the fit perfect. Everyone at work has commented today on how good I look!! What a boost. Now at lunch, I heated up a Smart Ones Chicken and Peanut Sauce, I ate the chicken bites first and then started eating the other- well after a few bites I was like wow I just don't want any more. I tossed a 3rd of it. YEAHHHHH!!   What a difference a few days can make in attitude. I am sure I will hit another low point, but boy do these high points feel awesome!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Fight or Flight

When you are trying to lose weight and you hit a plateau or even go up a little inspite of doing what you are suppose to it is so easy to get frustrated.   My weight loss has been painfully slow- 50 lbs in a little over 6 months. I am one of those nuts who opts to weigh daily and chart it to see my patterns in connection with what I eat. I also opt to count calories and have a fitbit to tell me an average of what I burn in day.   While I haven't always been the perfect lapband patient I do stick pretty close to doctors orders. The last few weeks I am been doing what I am suppose to - 3 meals 1 cup or less 1 snack eating 1300 or less calories a day and doing cardio for 30 min to an hour 4-5 days a week. Yet, while I am doing this my weight managed to tick up from 195 where it was Saturday back up to 200 by Monday and today back down 197. I know I haven't eaten the calories to cause this so it has to be something else.   With past diets I would have taken the flight approuch- this isn't doing any good, forget it I'm eating what I want. However, with the band I choose the fight mode. I am going to keep fight the fight against the fat. One of us will win and I plan on it being me!   It is so easy to flee the lapband lifestyle when we don't see results that we want or expect, but we must (I must) stay and fight. Fight through the ups and celebrate the downs in the scales.   On the ups it can be from water retention, a cold, not going potty, or muscle gain. All of these reason will eventually level out and the scale number will go down, but only if I keep on keeping on.   I hope that you choose the fight approch to! After all our health is worth fight for!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Mind Over Matter

I have hit many stumbling blocks of late and admit to falling a few times. I regret this and do not blame my band at all, I blame myself for becoming complacent and just plain out not caring enough.   When I get down and out I tend to get into the "I just don't care" mode- not a good place to be.   I haven't had a fill since Feb and am really feeling it now. I get hungry pretty quick, this lets me know the band does work, which properly used. I go in Thursday to see my surgeron and get a fill- pretty excited. I will be happy to drink protein shakes for a day and have them fill me up.   Last night I did a fridge purge of all the bad stuff that I was falling prey to. I know this is my own fault- not the foods or the bands. I am not as strong as I would like to be when it comes to certain things. I must work on that.   Work is killing me - long hours and a lot of hurry up and wait. Right now I am waiting on several teachers to do their part so I can finish mine. There slowness, makes my days long and irritating.   I woke up this morning and told myself that today was a new day- fresh with no mistakes (A line in Anne of Green Gables- love that movie _) I am going to make this a good day- I have that power. I can do it and I will.   I have said this several times of the last month and still manage to stumble in a few days. However, this time I have taken a few steps to help myself. I am back to my journal and I have made meal plans.   I will not gain this weight back, I will not fail. I will move forward. I will not fall!! It is imbarrishing to faulter as much as I have, but I am not pefect and I have my issues.   There are some bandsteres on here that are the "perfect" patient and don't seem to ever have a problem or struggle with this process, but that isn't me and I have to accept that I am not them. I have to stand up, shake it off and get back on the horse.   I hope that others who read this and have stumbled will join me in getting back on it. I hope that those who stumble find courage and support that they are not alone in the fight. We can do this if we continue fighting, but if we throw our hands up in defeat the fat will win.   My rump is dusty and sore from all the "throws", but I am jumping back on!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Alternate Reality

I almost feel like I have been living in an alternate reality since I began my journey in May. Once I decided I wanted to have lapband surgery I jumped in with both feet and committed myself to doing it. I got a doctors appointment, set up all the pre-op appointments, got scheduled for sugery and had it done June 22nd.   Since surgery I have been busy with work and home stuff and then my Grandmother passed away. I feel like time has flown by. I thought I did terrible when my Grandmother died because I ate food that I don't normally eat (fried chicken), granted I didn't eat 3 pieces like I would have at one time, I ate one and didn't eat desert because my band wouldn't allow me to over eat. I still figured I had gained a couple of pounds over that weekend. The day before I left to go up to meet with the family I was 206 that was on a Wed. I returned home on the next week and on Wed of the next week I was at 203 - WOW- I didn't gain I lost! The only thing I can figure is I was drinking water all the time, rather than snacking I was walking around with a cup of water in my hand so I drank that instead of picking at the endless amount of food.   I can't believe I have lost 40 lbs in 4 months. In 4 months life has changed a lot. I am eating differently, I am feeling better, I am more focused, I wear smaller clothes, I think differently- I could go on. I know with out surgery I would likely be sitting about 250-260 right now and miserable, instead I am close to Onederland and feeling good. Even though I lost a dear loved one, I am handling it better because of the band. I was down for a little me and ate some things I shouldn't have, but I got back on the wagon, started counting calories again and moving forward.   I feel like fat clouded my life for years- it put my mind in a haze and I am coming out now. I hope my drive and clear mind continue and I can get to my goal of losing 100 lbs or a little more I want to know what life is like on the other side- the healthy side.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Where am I????

To sum up my life of late "I have been runnin 'round like a chicken with his head cut off". This is a countryism where I come from and basically if you wack a chicken's head off he runs around in all directions until he finally falls over dead.   Basically, I've been busy. Work, family stuff, work, dogs, work, doctor's appointments, parties, ect. Things are begining to slow a touch, but not much, I am just hoping to catch my breath a bit. I need to be able to come up for air.   At work this morning, being that the kids are gone as are most of the teachers, I am "bumbin' it". I have my jean capri's with a wally world t-shirt and my trusty "don't leave home with out 'em" flip flops. This is my standard appearl in the summer months. While my capri's are a comfy 14, my t-shirt is a left over from last summer XL, so it's big and floppy, but comfy. However, as I looked in the mirror at my reflection this morning I thought- I've changed. Last summer at this time I was in a 20 pant, and XL-XXL shirts and busting out of them. This year the double chin has faded, I can see my collar bones (I was never sure I had those 'till now), and here is the kicker- and for you former fatties you understand me- I can see between my thighs - I see light- WOW!!! Since I was in kindergarden my thinghs touched, now they have separated- I see light. What a thrilling thing to see.   Last weekend I went to Victoria's Secret to get some new undies as mine were saggin in the butt. I ask the lady what size she thought I needed. She told me to turn around and she oggled my a** for a min and said Large. I was shocked but happy. So I bought 7 pair and headed home, some what thinking these will never fit. Low and behold they are soo comfy. No more saggy butt.   While I always seem to harp on "why haven't I lost more", it seems that I have come a long why. Yes I still have about 45 lbs to go. Will I make, I sure as heck hope so. Good Lord willing and the creeks don't rise I will see the blessed 140's.   This journey, my journey, seems to have been about a steady slow change of habits. Sheading the old ways and replacing with new healthier thought processes. It hasn't been easy, but it hasn't been killer either. While I haven't lost 100 lbs like some who completely flipped their habits upside down, I have slowly made changes and slowly lost weight. I feel that by making this slow progress toward a healthier me I will be able to stick to it as the days, weeks, months, years, decades pass.   So at almost 1 year post op I would say I am in a pretty good place. I still eat foods I love. I haven't competely cut anything from my diet, I just eat far less of the bad stuff and in general just smaller amounts at the time. I do still enjoy a slice of veggie pizza from time to time, but a slice instead of a half a large pizza. I still on occassion eat pasta, but try to avoid due to fear of getting stuck. I eat sweets on special occassion, but rather than a goliath size piece I eat a bird size peice.   Life is Good and a whole lot more comfortable this year than last!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Addiction

I went to school for and hold a degree in addiction counseling. You would think someone who has taken these classes, learned ways to help clients cope and recover from addiction could herself fight her own addiction.   Just like the difficulty people have admitting they are addicted to drugs and alcohol I had difficulty admitting I was addicted to food. Just like people who abuse drugs and alcohol try to validate their addiction I have tried to validate mine. But, the truth is an addiction is an addiction and there is validation for it, it is a problem that must be overcome in order for us to become a better more effective person.   I have been over weight since I was 5 years old. Before that I was very thin and tiny- everyone always talked about how cute I was. Then the month before I started school the pounds started packing on. Apparently this was the start of my emotional eating and it never went away. As each year progressed my waist line expanded. By high school I was wearing size 22 jeans and was picked on all the time. My self esteem was low and I spent a lot of time alone- the only lead to more eating. I would frequently eat behind my families back so they wouldn't know how much I consumed and then tried to block it from my mind.   As a senior in high school I had an accident that required surgery and then months of physical therapy. During that time I lost weight- down to 201 and a size 18. I remained at that size until the last 2 years when my weight balloned up to 247 and I knew something had to change.   5 high school friends have had some type of weight loss surgery with varying degrees of success, but all have managed to loose weight and keep it off. I decided that maybe this is what I needed to get control of my addiction.   Likely if I could have controlled my addiction I could have lost weight without the surgery, but I couldn't. I was a slave to food.   June 22, 2012 I had my lapband put in. The first week was hell - I felt like crap the entire time. Once I was back on mushy food I started to feel better and gain energy back. I began working out and counting calories and did great. I really felt like I had things under control.   In October my Grandmother passed away after a long illness. She was one of my best friends and always someone I could count on. During that time I stopped counting calories due to being away from home, eating things I didn't prepare, and not being where I could get on the internet (my family lives deep in the country of Virgina) and I also stopped working out. When I got back home I though surely I had gained - well low and behold I had lost 3 lbs- WOW. In my screwed up mind this gave me permission to stop working out and counting calories. I know- WRONG thing to do. However, I have continue to lose steadily, but I know this is not a good way to do things. I do move more to burn more calories since getting my fitbit, but I know that can't take the place of the workouts I was doing.   This passed weekend I had my first of serveral Christmas parties. I did pretty well, I help my portions down and ate only two cookies (my mom's homemade Christmas cookies - they are small tea cakes). My BFF's mom brought her homemade party mix and gave me a bag to go home. Here is the problem, this party mix for me is like putting a bottle of beer in front of an alcoholic. I love it- so yummy. She gave me a gallon zip lock bag of it. I brought it home and told myself I would only eat one handful a day. Well, it's been 3 days and half the bag is gone. I screwed up!!!!!   The salt content alone in this stuff had increase my water retention- I have gained 3 lbs since Sunday- which isn't possible since I am not eating much. (the party mix has been my breakfast and my snacks) I feel like my face is puffy- I know I am retaining.   I feel like crap, I can't believe I allowed myself to fall back in to a pattern that is negative. There are so many awesome people on this site who have been so strong and wonderful since surgery and are kicking butt. Why the hell did I think I could allow myself to do this and not have a negitive consequence- insanity.   So, today, I am back on the game. I am going to be accountable to myself. Back to counting calories, back to the workouts, back to eating only what I need to live. The party mix as much as it pains me, but go to the garbage.   This morning, I have had a Slim fast protein shake (not bad 180 calories and 20 grams of protein and taste like a yohoo). To my suprise I drink it two hours ago and I am not hungry. Now that I have retriction maybe I can do the shakes for breakfast. This afternoon I will get on my elliptical for 30 min. I WILL get back on track. I will not allow insanity to set in.   To those of you who have been my support and encouraged me thank you and I am sorry for allowing my old ways to creep in. Thankfully, I didn't allow them to hang around long enough to do any major damage.   Today I admit that I am an addict and I can not do this alone. I must be accountable to myself and others.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

The Amazing Pita Pocket

I recently purchase a pack of whole wheat pita pockets, they are round and if you slice them in half they make a little pocket. Once half is less calories than a slice of whole what toast and taste great.   I have been making myself and my hubs sandwiches with these. My hubs like to put laughing cow chipolte cheese and ham in one and heat heat for a hot ham and cheese - low cal and high protein. I had an peanut butter and banana pita - got my protein and my fruit in. The pitas are so thin, it gives you just enough bread to feel like it's a sandwich, but not so much it gets stuck.   These pita's are great for stuffing with deli slices and cheese, chicken or tuna salad, PB and banana or even a scrabled egg and cheese for morning breakfast. We are loving these things- if you have tried them but like a sandwhich or need an easy holder for chicken or tuna salad while you are on the go you gotta try them.   What lapband friendly items have you found that are awesome?
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Head vs Mouth vs Stomach

I have figured out that a lot of the reason I use to eat had nothing to do with hunger.   see something- eat it. Smell something- eat it. Board- eat Worried- eat Meal time - eat   I ate my way to almost 250 and I knew it had to stop.   Now I am much more selective about what and when I eat. I now eat 3 meals a day and sometime one snack. I still eat things I love, but I eat less or them.   Today I walked into the breakroom at work, there was a smorgasborg or treats: grapes, cheese, crackers, pimento cheese, rolls, celery. While these foods aren't bad foods, I didn't eat them, I wasn't hungry. In times past I would have fixed a nice rounded plate and gone back to my corner office and ate up. While my mouth and mind were saying yummy, just one bite, my tummy was saying, but hey yo I don't want any, not hungry please don't.   My eyes, mouth and mind get me in a lot of trouble when it comes to food.   My husband in blind, but very strong resourcful, brillant wonderful man; but he can't see the foods laying around. He never picks and taste at things, he doesn't graze. He eats his 3 meals and about 2 snacks a day and that is it. He isn't tempted by the stuff laying around because he can't see it. Now at meals he eats well, but that is a different story.   But, I think I need to become more like him; blind to the food just laying around. When I make a concious effort not to indulge I am fine, but when I uncounsiously peck I will pay with weight gain.   In my wieght loss journey I need to get my mind, mouth and tummy all on the same page.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

In A Funk

My weight is still going down, it was up this weekend a bit, but I was taking a lot of cold meds and drinking liquids constantly. This morning I was back down to my 203. I know I am doing well and the weight is still trending down. Up until the last couple weeks I was an avid calorie counter and exercised 3-5 days a week. Since my Grandmother passed away on the 17th and life has been crazy with the services, family from other states visiting and then my catching a killer cold that lead to Bronchitis, I have been in a funk and totally not into counting calories and can't work out because of the bronchits (can barely breath).   Being like this scares me. I am afraid that if I become lax now my weight will go back up and I will lose what I have worked so hard for. Yeah, I know my Grandma wouldn't want me to do that. But, it's not just losing her it's everything that has happened in the last 2 weeks. I am exhausted all I want to do is sleep. I don't believe I am depressed (already on Paxil) I think it's just the being sick and not getting enough oxygen from clogged airways. I can't afford to miss work so I am working every day and going home to the couch. I am eating basically whatever is fast and easy to fix because I am to tired to do much else.   I gotta get out of this, I want don't want to fail myself or my band.
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

I believe, I beleive, I beleive.........

When we are little we believe that anything is possible-- santa can visit every house in one night, the tooth fairy brings us money for our teeth, the Easter bunny, ect. As little kids we see the world full of wonderful possibilities just waiting for us.   However, as we grow we begin to loose the rose colored glasses and become jaded by the reality of the world we live in. Happily ever after doesn't exist and things aren't always perfect- now I am not say things can't be good because they can be, but not every moment of every day and not every relationship is perfect all the time.   As a kid I never imagined I would become so large. I was so small until I turned 5. As I began to gain weight I would ask my mom sometimes why I was fat. She would just say I would grow out of it, after all my cousin did. I accepted that and went on. Well puberty came and went as did the teen years and I was still fat. I never grew out of it. What I didn't know is that my cousin put forth a great deal of effort in her preteens to shed the weight- all I knew was that she went from fat to skinny in what seemed like a summer and became a beautiful girl. That wasn't to be my story.   Now that I have admitted that I have a food problem and needed help, got banded and begun my journey- it is hard to belive I will ever reach my goal. The first 5 months the weight seemed to fly off 45 lbs- awesome, but now the loss has slowed almost plateaued and I find myself begining to worry that I may never reach my elusive dream weight (140).   I know that I should believe in myself, my band, my doctor and nutritionist, but it's hard when every other attempt I have made to loose weight has failed. Realistically I know it is different this time, I am not on a diet with a fixed end date, I am changing my life style one day at a time. I am making new habits, healthy ones that in time I hope will stick. Some things have been easy like giving up pop (soda), not drinking with meals, drinking water, even eating less at a meal. Some things though haven't been as easy, letting go of my salty snack of party mix (that stuff is addictive and it is my major weakness), not baking so I won't eat the sweets, not eating steak (just doesn't work well with my band).   Slowly, but surely I am making a change to a better way of life that in time hopefully will become habit. However, there is still that little voice of insecurity in the back of my head saying you won't do it, you will gain all that weight back, you are destine to be a fat girl forever (insert menacing laugh here)!! I fight every day to squash that voice and to believe that I will make it. After all I have lost 45 lbs and I am moving more and eating less.   So for now I am going to keep saying I believe in me, until I do!!
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Scared

I think most of us were scared if not nervous going into this- all the what if's sworrling around our head. I am sure we thought about possible complications, what if it doesn't work, fear of the pain, ect.   However, sometimes fear is healthy. Like during my post op I was scared to do anything the doctor didn't okay, I know I bugged him and the NUT calling and asking what can I have - is this okay, is that okay. Then every little ache and pain I was scared I'd hurt my band.   Now I am a little less worried about the things from the begining. I do still have a little fear of will I be able to lose all the weight I want to. I've lost half of it so I guess it was successful, but I still have about 45 lbs I want to get rid of.   My fear now is foods!!   In some cases it's a good thing. I am an NC Girl and I swear Krispy Creme runs in my veins (heck where else is there a Krispy Creme Marathon). Due to the texture of a donut I am scared to taint my beloved friend. I fear that if I take a bite and swollow the pain will begin, then the foaming at the mouth, flowed by the delightful reverse of the donut up my eshogus.   Some foods though now have more power because I know they will go down. I can not tell you how often I pass the McDonalds right by my office and want to get a ice cream cone. But, I have been able to pass it up. Also, cookies- they slllliiiiiddddeeee on down. Last weekend when I make 3 batches of cookies for my hubs office party, I managed to keep my intake to just one (my fav- Carmel Pecan Crunch)- the other were shipped off to my hubby's office and I told him not to bring the box back until the cookies were gone!!   Then there is the fear of eating to much/eating to little. Having been a big girl most of my life I had never had anyone tell me I wasn't eating enough. A couple of months ago when I went to a doctors appointment and complained that I wasn't losing weight hardly at all anymore. My doc looked over my food chart and exercise tracker and told me I wasn't eating enough. I took a double take for sure. So I have a hard time balancing that line of too few calories to to many calories.   Fears bounce around all the time, some times it's good to give in to it (like not eating the donut out of fear) and sometime it's better to say a little prayer and plow through it (like having the surgery to begin with).
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
 

Living In A Lapband State Of Mind

I have heard people call lapband life numerous things - diet, life style change, easy, hard, ect. I think most people who have had lapband would say lapband is not easy, but is it horrible NO! For me this isn't a diet and not exactly a life style change it is a change in state of mind.   Before I never really thought about what I was putting in my mouth. My only thought was this is going to taste good or I want it. Now I think about how good or bad what I am eating is for me and am I hungry. Before it was never really about being hungry, I didn't realize that until now, it was about avalibility and desire. As a kid I grew up on a farm when we went in for lunch we were told to clean our plate because we wouldn't have food avalible later so you ate it no matter if you were hungry or not. Maybe that was where my food issues began, maybe not, regardless the issue began. Now I must change my state of mind.   I am the worlds best at excuses and justification. I can argue forever on why I can't exercise tonight or justify why I deserve a cupcake. However, I must switch that up. I need to justify why I need to exercise and make excuses why I can't eat that cupcake. Thank the Lord, I have an amazing support system in my husband. When I want to make excuses to not exercise he kicks my butt in gear because he loves me and wants me to be successful, for me. I am changing my state of mind where food and excercise come in.   While I am 31 I am an old fashion southern girl and life always revolved around food and sweet tea. I have to change that state of mind - no more fried chicken, no more sugar sweet tea. That doesn't mean I won't ever have it again, but it will not be on the regular rotation that is was at one time.   For years I have worked where you eat quick or you may not eat. I learned to eat quickly. Now my band has taught me to eat slow, if I don't it hurts. I chew, chew, chew instead of swollowing whole. My state of mind has changed.   Since June 22nd when I received my band my whole state of mind has changed. I always wanted to be sucessful with this, but worried I wouldn't be because of my old state of mind. Now that my state of mind has changed and continues to evolve the more I become sure that I will be successful, not because my weight is going down, not because I opted to diet, not because I work out but because of my state of mind.   I am proud of my weightloss yes, but I am more proud of the change of my state of mind because I developed my old ways over 31 years, but now I am evolving and my state of mind changing for the healthier. I completely feel better, not just physcially, but mentally and emotionally to. It's not just the confindence that I have now, but the the clear head, the lower stress, the comfort. I feel better because I am not over eating and miserable after a meal.   The Lapband State of Mind is pretty darn good!! Hope you will join me in the Lapband State of Mind
Kime-lou

Kime-lou

1
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